Taper progress and symptoms

[[Th...]]

On 06/12/2023 at 11:30, [[P...] said:

I’m doing well, I’m generally content with my life but today I had several moments when I felt peaceful and happy, its been a good day.  

That sounds so good. It’s funny how going through this. Or having gone through this allows you to get so much joy and pleasure from just feeling at peace and being happy. I’m glad you had a good day Pamster.

[[Th...]]

Just thought I’d drop in and say hello. Still holding and haven’t made any changes in nearly 4 weeks. Still not 100% but am definitely improving on a daily basis. Hoping to restart my taper in a couple weeks. I’ve been able to perform better at work and have been out and had some social interactions. But get wobbly but I’m able to accept it and breathe through it. Today I had some really intense intrusive thoughts. It was hard but I just let myself feel the emotions that accompany them and make sure not avoid the topic of the thoughts. They’re about my immediate family so couldn’t avoid them If I wanted to but i Know  I need to face this stuff head on. I had these sorts of intrusive thoughts for a period of time as a boy when experiencing severe abuse so I’m not sure if this is me, or me but made worse by withdrawal, or just withdrawal. Either way the way to deal with it is the same I guess. Getting the odd ‘nice’ feeling back. Far from how it should be but it’s another sign of slow healing. Also, still getting morning cortisol spikes but each day they’re a little less intense. All small signs of improvement.

[[Pa...]]

You sound so incredibly healthy, I know you’re still suffering but the choices you’re making are amazing.  I’m really glad you’ve been holding, I think its doing you a lot of good, I see confidence in you, it feels like you’re taking control of this process and using it to grow and to make sure you won’t ever need the drug again.  

I worry about some members, how they’ll deal with their challenges once the drug is no longer available to them but not you, you’ve got this!

[[Th...]]

8 hours ago, [[P...] said:

You sound so incredibly healthy, I know you’re still suffering but the choices you’re making are amazing.  I’m really glad you’ve been holding, I think its doing you a lot of good, I see confidence in you, it feels like you’re taking control of this process and using it to grow and to make sure you won’t ever need the drug again.  

I worry about some members, how they’ll deal with their challenges once the drug is no longer available to them but not you, you’ve got this!

Thanks Pamster. That made me feel good 🙏🏻

[[Sw...]]

@[Th...] I too had intrusive thoughts that seemed like they were from childhood when I was tapering. I know this is difficult but when it happened I tried to recognize that my brain is allowing the memory part of the brain to be hyperactive.. things are just so unbalanced during the taper and withdrawal that we can’t rely on our brain to be consistent. So many ups and downs. Coming and going symptoms. Cycles. You’re doing it though, so hang tight. 

[[Th...]]

On 21/12/2023 at 11:50, [[S...] said:

@[Th...] I too had intrusive thoughts that seemed like they were from childhood when I was tapering. I know this is difficult but when it happened I tried to recognize that my brain is allowing the memory part of the brain to be hyperactive.. things are just so unbalanced during the taper and withdrawal that we can’t rely on our brain to be consistent. So many ups and downs. Coming and going symptoms. Cycles. You’re doing it though, so hang tight. 

Hi, thanks for commenting. Did the intrusive thoughts pass for you? I am doing it though. Thank you. Yesterday was the best day I’d had in a couple of months so things are improving as I hold. Today was tough again but I can still feel things are getting better.

[[Th...]]

Restarted my taper today. Will be much slower with breaks as needed.

[[Pa...]]

Excellent @[Th...], please keep us posted. 

[[Th...]]

8 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Excellent @[Th...], please keep us posted. 

Will do Pamster 😊

[[...]]

Hello Thorin,

I am happy to have found your thread! You are a couple of steps ahead of where I am in a K taper.  I’m so grateful that you have shared your experience through this journey with honesty and self compassion! Wishing you continued healing and resiliency in 2024!

[[Th...]]

[[Th...]]

So I’ve been back tapering for 12 days and no new symptoms yet. Mostly just struggling with anxiety and low mood/lack of joy. I think it’s left over from tapering too fast but as always worry that it is the new me! Things have been changing and cycling for ages now. No reason this stuff won’t cycle away as well. In the mean time I’ve joined the gym to help combat the anxiety/fear.

[[Pa...]]

Yep, “no reason this stuff won’t cycle away as well”, you’re so right!  And way to go for joining a gym, what a terrific way to combat anxiety and fear, that’s a very healthy decision you made. 

[[Th...]]

On 12/01/2024 at 09:29, [[P...] said:

Yep, “no reason this stuff won’t cycle away as well”, you’re so right!  And way to go for joining a gym, what a terrific way to combat anxiety and fear, that’s a very healthy decision you made. 

Thanks Pamster. I feel like I’m heading on the right direction. Just still have a bit of a journey to get there!

[[ka...]]

On 06/08/2023 at 15:30, [[r...] said:

Im so sick comming down.

Me too trying to find some relief.  I think I went too fast.

[[Th...]]

After a period of insomnia I can’t stop sleeping. And I’m dreaming vivid dreams for the first time in…… 20 years??? Ready for all this to be over. I’m down to 0.238mg of clonazepam. Still have quite a few months of my taper to go but am slowly making progress. Wondering what my life will be at the end of this. I think my relationship is mostly over (not her choice, I have so many crazy feelings about my relationship now). I’m ready for some peace and calm.

[[Th...]]

So terrible timing but I have had to end my relationship after 10 years. I have to save some money and try to find a house to live in with my kids while the cost of living is ridiculous and I’m tapering benzos. Life just keeps getting harder. Not sure how to navigate and push through all this. I’m incredibly exhausted and don’t have much left in me at the moment. On top of that my brother and his partner are coming to stay for the weekend and I’m supposed to entertain while I’m having crazy surges of weird anxiety and emotion. Also keep felling like my personality is disappearing or I’m just mimicking whoever I’m talking to. It comes with a massive surge of anxiety when it happens. I think it may be depersonalisation. It’s a pretty scary experience, I’m tapering so incredibly slowly, I hope it’s just residual issues from tapering too fast at the end of last year. I crashed pretty hard and am still recovering. Lots of insomnia at the moment too. Somehow I’m still pushing through work. It’s a miracle. Also don’t really know how to be around my kids at the moment. I need to keep things light for them but I am so far from light it’s not funny. I don’t really know how to move forward with all this stuff. Just keep getting up, going to work and then going to bed at the end of the day. Try to find a house and keep moving forward. Are you guys sure I will fell better off this stuff? It’s not getting easier. Currently at 0.236mg clonazepam. Tapering 0.001mg every second day. So damn slow I hate it.

[[Br...]]

Hi @[Th...] - I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much turmoil and stress. I can relate to the anxiety you describe and I'm sure most BB members can.  It's different for everyone how long it takes to lose some these hallmark symptoms like anxiety. No one one can guarantee that you'll feel better once you're done with your taper; that's because even after the clonazepam is out of your system there is more healing that needs to take place.  I was put through a rapid taper and for me it has taken a long time for the intense excruciating anxiety to ease up. Even though it has been a rough road with several setbacks, and has taken way longer than I every imagined, I have no question in my mind that fighting through this and moving steadily forward through each day was 100% worth it.  

Do you think it would make sense to slow down your taper while you're going what may be an especially stressful period?

[[Th...]]

7 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Hi @[Th...] - I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much turmoil and stress. I can relate to the anxiety you describe and I'm sure most BB members can.  It's different for everyone how long it takes to lose some these hallmark symptoms like anxiety. No one one can guarantee that you'll feel better once you're done with your taper; that's because even after the clonazepam is out of your system there is more healing that needs to take place.  I was put through a rapid taper and for me it has taken a long time for the intense excruciating anxiety to ease up. Even though it has been a rough road with several setbacks, and has taken way longer than I every imagined, I have no question in my mind that fighting through this and moving steadily forward through each day was 100% worth it.  

Do you think it would make sense to slow down your taper while you're going what may be an especially stressful period?

Thanks Brighterday. I may try holding for a week or two until the acute stress is over. Thanks for the suggestion. I’m actually really proud of myself. I’ve made it through 2 days of the breakup while living in the same house. I’m doing ok. I mean I’m a mess but I’m still actually doing it. Yesterday I freaked that I wouldn’t be able to do this without meds to numb me but her I am doing it day by day.

There are some other things going on and I seem to be handling them ok too. This is a super tough time but looking forward to being off this stuff and healing. 
 

How are you doing at the minute?

[[Br...]]

I'm nearly 4 1/2 years post jump and mostly recovered - still sensitive to increased in stress but it's manageable and I'm armed with all the coping techniques I've learned. Thanks for asking  

[[Th...]]

On 26/01/2024 at 02:01, [[B...] said:

I'm nearly 4 1/2 years post jump and mostly recovered - still sensitive to increased in stress but it's manageable and I'm armed with all the coping techniques I've learned. Thanks for asking  

That amazing to read! You’ve come such a long way! Are you happier off than on benzos? Are you on any meds at all or med free? 

[[Br...]]

So much happier off benzos!  To be free of tolerance withdrawal, blunted emotions and cognitive fog - I feel incredibly blessed.  Getting here meant walking through hellish, hopeless days in the throes of withdrawal symptoms but it was totally worth it.  

I'm not med free - working on getting off others, one at a time.  

 

[[Th...]]

12 hours ago, [[B...] said:

So much happier off benzos!  To be free of tolerance withdrawal, blunted emotions and cognitive fog - I feel incredibly blessed.  Getting here meant walking through hellish, hopeless days in the throes of withdrawal symptoms but it was totally worth it.  

I'm not med free - working on getting off others, one at a time.  

So so good to read that! The blunted emotions, depersonalisation really get me lately. Looking forward to seeing the end of those symptoms. Really good to read that going through withdrawal was worth it!

I also have another med I have to finish tapering. I tapered 65% of the way off it then crashed bad due to tapering too fast (doctors orders). Took 11 months to fully stabilise. Not even thinking about that for the moment now. I’m glad you’re doing well, it really helps to read about when others have been successful. Good job. This is incredibly difficult!

[[Pa...]]

Wow, 11 months to stabilize, I’m glad you gave yourself the time to do that.

[[Th...]]

18 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Wow, 11 months to stabilize, I’m glad you gave yourself the time to do that.

It was terrifying. For a long time I didn’t know I was in withdrawal. I thought I was nuts. Then I started researching and learned it was withdrawal. Even then I thought a bunch of the symptoms were trauma although I’d never been that bad before. Then it all faded away….