Taper progress and symptoms

[[Th...]]

So while I’ve been having a pretty rough time of it I’m noticing that some of the symptoms are fading away (replaced by others but a big sign of healing).

my GI issues that I didn’t know were Benzo induced seem to be settling after over 12 months of dealing with them.

The vertigo/dizziness/floaty boat feeling is much reduced and much less frequent. This one disturbed me for a long time and it’s a relief that it’s reduced.

the last couple of days I’m feeling less body load. Less physically ill. This seems to coincide with introducing a homemade tonic that’s super high in turmeric and treats inflammation. I randomly tried it when my partner bought some and we broth felt better very quickly after having a dose. It’s worked multiple days in a row.

I seem to be having a bit of a window for about 5 hours in the middle of each day the last few days. I’m not even close to 100% in the windows but so much better than last week.

my crazy cravings for sugar have left thankfully. I was eating whole blocks of chocolate followed by biscuits. Whatever I could get my hands on. I have nearly no desire for sugar atm.

my sleep is a little worse but I’m also not having 3-4 hour sleeps in the middle of the day which will help me keep my job!

I can think more clearly. It’s still an effort but so much better.

my ability to concentrate is better than it was.

i’m sure there’s more but I just needed to note that things are improving despite how difficult it all is.

I started at over 2mg Xanax a day. I’m now down to 0.25mg clonazepam. And have moved completely to a liquid version of the med as of yesterday. In a week or two I’ll dispose of my pills in a little ceremony I think. This is a big step!

[[Kh...]]

3 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Congratulations on your window although I’ve probably missed it with my slow reply. I’ve been waking and feeling absolutely aweful. Then once I start moving I feel ok for the middle of the day and then start to feel rough again in the evenings. I’ve just made the change over to only liquid clonazepam now so no more benzo tablets after taking them for 20 years! Quite a milestone! Hope you continue to improve!

congrats to both of you two keep it up

[[Al...]]

10 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Congratulations on your window although I’ve probably missed it with my slow reply. I’ve been waking and feeling absolutely aweful. Then once I start moving I feel ok for the middle of the day and then start to feel rough again in the evenings. I’ve just made the change over to only liquid clonazepam now so no more benzo tablets after taking them for 20 years! Quite a milestone! Hope you continue to improve!

Im so sorry you are feeling bad and I get that. Soon we will be taking zero pills for benzo wd.  That is going to be weird because for me, over the years it was a ritual for preparing to sleep.  During the day I wouldn't stress about sleep and anxiety because I had "mothers little helper" waiting for me at the end of the day.

I think you'll do well with the liquid.  I pray for that.

[[Th...]]

6 hours ago, [[A...] said:

Im so sorry you are feeling bad and I get that. Soon we will be taking zero pills for benzo wd.  That is going to be weird because for me, over the years it was a ritual for preparing to sleep.  During the day I wouldn't stress about sleep and anxiety because I had "mothers little helper" waiting for me at the end of the day.

I think you'll do well with the liquid.  I pray for that.

I totally understand about feeling like something’s missing or that a safety net has been removed. We’ve relied on these poisons for so long it’s become second nature for us. It’s a big change having to rely on ourselves and our coping skills now. I’m finding I’m feeling like something’s ‘off’ because I’m not taking any Benzo pills. Like I’m missing something or it’s a bit dangerous. The feeling will pass eventually and I’m sure we’ll feel pride that we can handle everything without the pills eventually.

[[Th...]]

Had a good window for a chunk of today. Sat outside and worked at my computer in the sun. Then the anxiety kicked in and what felt like trauma coming up. I guess it’s good to address these things and let the emotions out. Very painful though. Struggled through my son’s basketball game this evening. Talking to people. All the noise etc. But then I did something that was well out of my comfort zone and I felt a little better. Instead of letting the anxiety and withdrawal beat me I stared it down and felt stronger afterwards. Onwards and upwards!

[[Th...]]

Really struggling with big fear at the moment. Can’t convince myself it’s just withdrawal. This is horrible.

[[Pa...]]

Fear was a big one for me too, I was afraid of things I’d never even thought about before, so I tried to reason with my way through it, I’d actually say this out loud.  THIS ISN’T REAL, THIS ISN’T ME AND IT WON’T BE ME WHEN I RECOVER. 

And you know what, it wasn’t and it isn’t!

 

[[Th...]]

3 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Fear was a big one for me too, I was afraid of things I’d never even thought about before, so I tried to reason with my way through it, I’d actually say this out loud.  THIS ISN’T REAL, THIS ISN’T ME AND IT WON’T BE ME WHEN I RECOVER. 

And you know what, it wasn’t and it isn’t!

Thanks Pamster. Sometime the smallest thought or experience triggers massive fear. You know what it’s like. I’m glad fear like that isn’t a part of your life any more. I’m looking forward to the day it’s not for me either. The hardest part is the way the withdrawal tricks you into believing it’s forever. It’s not!!!!!

[[Th...]]

@[Pa...] I’m not sure where to post this but it may help someone. 

For those of you in Victoria, Australia. There is a clinic called Reconnexion. Their sole job is to help people get off benzos. It’s run by psychologists rather than doctors or psychiatrists. They have a support line you can call. The link is here for their website. They will help you develop a taper plan following the Ashton manual. So they recommend a drop of 10% every 2-4 weeks based upon how you’re travelling. They (psychologist) will meet with you every week or two via Telehealth and provide support while you taper and also teach you the skills required to live without benzos. I believe the service is free. I have a meeting with them tomorrow to do an intake. I’ll post in my thread about how it goes.

[[Pa...]]

Hi @[Th...], I’m so gald you discovered Reconnexion, I’ve seen them mentioned and hear they do good work.  Yes, please let us know how it goes, any light we can shine of help available around the world is much appreciated. 

[[Th...]]

Really struggling today. Pushed myself through a music festival yesterday. It was pretty relaxed and I needed that social connection so much. Today I have severe anxiety. Feel like a lot of childhood trauma is coming up. Lots of emotional pain. And I guess social anxiety. As always, terrified this is the forever me. This is exhausting. 

[[Th...]]

On 25/11/2023 at 05:36, [[P...] said:

Hi @[Th...], I’m so gald you discovered Reconnexion, I’ve seen them mentioned and hear they do good work.  Yes, please let us know how it goes, any light we can shine of help available around the world is much appreciated. 

Hi Pamster. I’ll let you know how they go. A couple of people I spoke to said they were really helpful.

[[Ch...]]

I wish we had something like that in us 

[[Th...]]

14 hours ago, [[C...] said:

I wish we had something like that in us 

Is there nothing at all. The doctors here have no idea. But apparently these people are good. I’ve called their support line a couple of times and it’s helped to have someone to talk to.

[[Ch...]]

Nothing 

[[Th...]]

13 hours ago, [[C...] said:

Nothing 

That’s terrible. I don’t know that the rest of Australia has anything as this service is just for Victoria.

[[Th...]]

So tapered too fast and then switched my last two doses of clonazepam over to liquid clonazepam. It’s been less than 14 days since the last switch but I just not stabilising. I think I need to start tapering again, but slower than before. Staying here isn’t working and I’m barely functioning. Any advice would be really welcome. @[Pa...] do you have any advice?

[[Pa...]]

How did you feel switching to the liquid, I’ve heard members say it took some getting used to so we typically advise not to taper soon after switching to give you a chance to stabilize. It sounds like you haven’t made a reduction since switching? 

I’m not sure if you should start to taper or continue to hold, that festival may have set you back a bit, too much stimulation.  

 

[[Th...]]

3 hours ago, [[P...] said:

How did you feel switching to the liquid, I’ve heard members say it took some getting used to so we typically advise not to taper soon after switching to give you a chance to stabilize. It sounds like you haven’t made a reduction since switching? 

I’m not sure if you should start to taper or continue to hold, that festival may have set you back a bit, too much stimulation.  

Yes I’ve pushed myself too much and think I have been rocky from the switch to a liquid. It’s been about 10 days since I changed the last of the med from a tablet to a liquid. I am taking it VERY easy. I can’t seem to handle much stimulation. But also find I feel better at times when I push myself. Not at the moment though. I’ll hold for another week or two, giving myself up to 4 weeks to stabilise from the changes I guess. After 4 weeks I may just start tapering again. Just slower.

symptoms are less today but still feel very fragile and wobbly. May still get some more bad waves before I settle. This was a good lesson. The rest of my taper will be much slower and I will listen to my body more.

Edited December 1, 2023 by [Th...]

[[Pa...]]

I’m glad you’re taking a look at your past taper efforts and reassessing, I hate to see you suffer.  

I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to taper, to continue to ingest the poison when every fiber in your being is telling you to get off as soon as possible.  I mean, when we touch something hot, our first reaction is to pull away from the source, this is instinct, going against that instinct must be incredibly difficult. 

Please let us know how it goes, and hopefully you can find a good balance when figuring out how much stimulation you can handle without tipping too far. 

[[Th...]]

10 hours ago, [[P...] said:

I’m glad you’re taking a look at your past taper efforts and reassessing, I hate to see you suffer.  

I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to taper, to continue to ingest the poison when every fiber in your being is telling you to get off as soon as possible.  I mean, when we touch something hot, our first reaction is to pull away from the source, this is instinct, going against that instinct must be incredibly difficult. 

Please let us know how it goes, and hopefully you can find a good balance when figuring out how much stimulation you can handle without tipping too far. 

Thanks Pamster. Yes it is VERY difficult to keep taking this stuff morning and night but the alternative is cold turkey which is not an option unfortunately.

[[Th...]]

Finally coming good again it seems. What a relief. Will hold another week at least to make sure I’m in a good place. I’m also nervous about restarting my taper again. But only 0.25mg to go. I’m going to go really slowly. I want off but the pain isn’t worth going too fast.

[[Pa...]]

I’m relieved to hear things have settled a bit, you’re doing the right thing by allowing your body to determine your pace.  After the taper comes recovery and for most, its challenging as well.  Pushing too hard to become benzo free just means there will be a longer recovery period, so using the drug now to gently reach zero hopefully means an easier time of it after the drug is gone. 

[[Th...]]

8 hours ago, [[P...] said:

I’m relieved to hear things have settled a bit, you’re doing the right thing by allowing your body to determine your pace.  After the taper comes recovery and for most, its challenging as well.  Pushing too hard to become benzo free just means there will be a longer recovery period, so using the drug now to gently reach zero hopefully means an easier time of it after the drug is gone. 

Thanks Pamster. I’m pretty nervous about stepping off at the end so will be going much slower now and just listening to my body rather than my head. At the end I will stabilise completely on my last dose before stepping off. I want to minimise that last bit as I know it can be really difficult for many people. Hope you’re well ☺️

[[Pa...]]

Excellent plan @[Th...], some members have gone gently into benzo freedom, I hope this for you too.  

I’m doing well, I’m generally content with my life but today I had several moments when I felt peaceful and happy, its been a good day.