Taper progress and symptoms

[[Th...]]

Thanks @[Pa...],

 

I’ll keep things in the one thread from now on. Definitely learning as I go. Do people tend to feel a ‘bell curve’ of symptoms after a change/drop? Eg symptoms ramp up and then slowly ease again as the body adjusts to the change then back to baseline and it’s time for another drop?

[[Pa...]]

I didn't taper but that's exactly what I've seen described, that's why its so important to record these changes instead of relying on a set reduction timeline, your body is telling you what it needs. 

[[Th...]]

8 hours ago, [[P...] said:

I didn't taper but that's exactly what I've seen described, that's why its so important to record these changes instead of relying on a set reduction timeline, your body is telling you what it needs. 

Thank you

[[Th...]]

So today I restart my taper properly. I dropped 1ml or 0.001mg. It’ll take me 125 days dropping a ml a day to taper my middle dose. May be able to go faster. May have to go slower. Also looks like my partner and I are separating. Going to be hard doing this on my own. She was very supportive through the first part of my tapers of both meds. Hopefully now I’m tapering armed with some knowledge I’ll be able to do it in my own. Time will tell. 

[[Pa...]]

I’m sorry to hear your relationship has ended, this could play a role in your symptom severity, stress and life changes almost always affect us but it looks like you’re ready to do this.

Try not to look at the length of time this may take, it can be discouraging because as you said, you may be able to make adjustments depending on how you’re feeling.  

We’ll be here for you, keep us posted on how you’re doing. 

[[Th...]]

23 hours ago, [[P...] said:

I’m sorry to hear your relationship has ended, this could play a role in your symptom severity, stress and life changes almost always affect us but it looks like you’re ready to do this.

Try not to look at the length of time this may take, it can be discouraging because as you said, you may be able to make adjustments depending on how you’re feeling.  

We’ll be here for you, keep us posted on how you’re doing. 

Thanks Pamster. I am definitely ready to do this. I haven’t tapered a single thing in 11 months and I want off all meds. But I will be doing it sensibly and I’ll listen to my body. I don’t mind holding if I have to. Thanks for being there Pamster.

[[Th...]]

Day 4 and experiencing some fear/anxiety. Low mood, negative thoughts. All the usual stuff. Not looking forward to feeling like this for the next 13 months or longer. No choice though. Have to get off this crap. Will just go slow and be gentle with myself. Man I hate this crap.

[[Pa...]]

I was lucky when I quit, I had no idea what I was in for, I can’t imagine knowing and facing it again, I admire your courage. 

[[Th...]]

7 hours ago, [[P...] said:

I was lucky when I quit, I had no idea what I was in for, I can’t imagine knowing and facing it again, I admire your courage. 

Not going to lie. It&/ very hard going back into this. And I still have to finish tapering my other med too. But I have this deep urgency to be free of this poison so am doing what I have to do.

[[Th...]]

So down 0.005mg and doing ok really. A few symptoms. Intrusive thoughts, but if anxiety here and there and a few other things. All manageable so far. If I taper at this rate I will have tapered 8% in 30 days so I’ll do that and see how I go. If I tolerate it ok I’ll speed it up next month. So eager to be off this stuff. Increasingly angry about a medical system that does that to people but suspect withdrawal is ramping that up a little.

[[Pa...]]

I like these baby steps, patience is difficult when you want to reach the end goal so badly.  I understand the anger, I’ve seen a lot of it here but try not to let it create increased symptoms for you, you know what stress does to us.

[[Th...]]

1 hour ago, [[P...] said:

I like these baby steps, patience is difficult when you want to reach the end goal so badly.  I understand the anger, I’ve seen a lot of it here but try not to let it create increased symptoms for you, you know what stress does to us.

I agree. I can indulge the big emotions which I can tell is partly just withdrawal or I can try to do some positive things for myself and my family and distract myself a bit. Time for some gardening I think. Thanks Pamster.

[[Th...]]

So I’ve quietly been tapering away with a water taper. I reduced about 9% in 30 days and it was all manageable. I’ve actually increased my taper just a little to see how I go and whether I can get off this stuff a little faster. I’m getting a few symptoms and can’t drink any alcohol at all without paying for it dearly. Lately I feel and seem to be thinking very negatively and feeling a lot of difficult and negative feelings. It’s difficult to tolerate but manageable. I hope it changes and that old withdrawal fear of ‘is this me now’ has crept back in. I may even hold for a few days just let myself feel a little better and prove it’s only withdrawals. Hope everyone else is well.

[[Pa...]]

Hi @[Th...], I’m glad you checked in and it looks like you’ve been taking care of business!  I see you saying you’d like to speed it up but then you mentioned holding, its so tough to determine next steps and indecision is stressful so I hope you can figure out what is best for you.

Those negative feelings are tough, and they’re a symptom just like all of the physical ones so I’m glad you’re assessing if holding will help dispel them. 

By the way, this isn’t the new you, this is the product of the drug withdrawal.  It’s so great when we get ourselves back, it’s scary to lose the connection with the person we’ve always been.  The best part of being free is not only getting past these negative emotions but finding our true selves that were buried under the drug.  I didn’t realize how much the drug had changed who I was, it was comforting to get me back. 

[[Th...]]

9 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Hi @[Th...], I’m glad you checked in and it looks like you’ve been taking care of business!  I see you saying you’d like to speed it up but then you mentioned holding, its so tough to determine next steps and indecision is stressful so I hope you can figure out what is best for you.

Hi Pamster, yep I’ve been getting things done!  I’ve sped up my taper as over all I’m handling it well and I started VERY slowly but am thinking of holding briefly to remind myself the mood symptoms are just symptoms and not ‘me’. But the indecision is stressful you’re right. I am just happy I am on my way off this drug.

 

9 hours ago, [[P...] said:

the way, this isn’t the new you, this is the product of the drug withdrawal.  It’s so great when we get ourselves back, it’s scary to lose the connection with the person we’ve always been.  The best part of being free is not only getting past these negative emotions but finding our true selves that were buried under the drug.  I didn’t realize how much the drug had changed who I was, it was comforting to get me back.

Thanks Pamster, I’m tentatively excited about this but at the moment it feels like there’s a cloud of negativity over me. It’s not terrible but it is difficult to endure at times. 

[[Th...]]

I was managing relatively well except for negative mood and thoughts. Yesterday afternoon anxiety kicked in and it’s strong today as well. I’ve been on meds since 16. Had anxiety my whole life. Tapered most the way off my meds and held my dose and the anxiety left. Completely. Now it’s back and I don’t know whether it’s me or withdrawal. I don’t want to go back to a life of anxiety after experiencing what it feels like not to have anxiety. I hate this so much.

[[Pa...]]

If you’ve had anxiety all of your life then you can expect to have it when you’re off of the drugs and recovered from your use.  HOWEVER, what you’re feeling now, the intensity and the overwhelming nature of it is a result of the drug!  This isn’t you, and it won’t be you when you recover, this anxiety goes far beyond normal.  How do I know this?  I didn’t take Klonopin for anxiety, I took it for sleep, I never had anxiety until I took the drug then stopped and boy, do I now emphasize with those who have chronic anxiety. 

On 19/09/2023 at 16:37, [[T...] said:

Hi Pamster, yep I’ve been getting things done!  I’ve sped up my taper as over all I’m handling it well

It may be time to slow down again, listen to what your body is telling you. 

[[Th...]]

On 23/09/2023 at 23:30, [[P...] said:

If you’ve had anxiety all of your life then you can expect to have it when you’re off of the drugs and recovered from your use.  HOWEVER, what you’re feeling now, the intensity and the overwhelming nature of it is a result of the drug!  This isn’t you, and it won’t be you when you recover, this anxiety goes far beyond normal.  How do I know this?  I didn’t take Klonopin for anxiety, I took it for sleep, I never had anxiety until I took the drug then stopped and boy, do I now emphasize with those who have chronic anxiety. 

It may be time to slow down again, listen to what your body is telling you. 

Thanks Pamster. I held for 5 days and just started tapering again today. The periods of anxiety seem to come and go suggesting they’re not me at all. The rest of the time I’m ok with regard to anxiety. TBH having been medicated since 16 (and have recently had two healthcare professionals confirm I do not need medication. It’s a long horrible story) I don’t actually really know what I’m like off meds now (I’m 44). The trend I am seeing is that I am MUCH better on a very low (below the therapeutic dose) amount of meds and I can only assume I’ll be even better OFF meds completely. My whole life I needed therapy. Not to be given tablets. Glad I have learned that now and not even later in my life.

[[Pa...]]

It makes me happy to know that you’re seeing a future that may not reflect your past, wouldn’t it be wonderful to know peace?  Hope is one of the strongest tools we have for getting through this and if you can see a life that doesn’t have to revolve around the medications, its a strong motivator to see this through. 

I hope you’ll keep checking in to let us know how this latest reduction is going, how is your garden coming along, is it time to wrap it up for the season? 

[[Th...]]

18 hours ago, [[P...] said:

It makes me happy to know that you’re seeing a future that may not reflect your past, wouldn’t it be wonderful to know peace?  Hope is one of the strongest tools we have for getting through this and if you can see a life that doesn’t have to revolve around the medications, its a strong motivator to see this through. 

I hope you’ll keep checking in to let us know how this latest reduction is going, how is your garden coming along, is it time to wrap it up for the season? 

Hey Pamster, here in Australia we’re just warming up so we’re getting things in the ground now. It’s a nice distraction! I can definitely see a life without meds. I do not want them in my life at all! This tapering business is very hard though. So much negative stuff from now and my childhood is coming to the foreground. It’s overwhelming. It has to be withdrawals as I’ve only reduced the med by 0.02mg this taper (roughly) and when I was recently holding prior to this taper (0.375mg) I wasn’t struggling with any of this stuff. Like night and day from holding to tapering. But I will push through and get off this muck and like so many people I’m sure I’ll see much better days when clean from this stuff.

[[me...]]

On 03/08/2023 at 05:29, [[T...] said:

Me too. Mines not compounded. Just comes like that. I have made my own suspension for another med though and it worked well. Was terrified of switching over though. I get nervous that they’ll make a mistake when they compound it so I prefer to do it all myself.

Thorin how did you compound it yourself I'm interested thanks

[[Th...]]

3 hours ago, [[m...] said:

Thorin how did you compound it yourself I'm interested thanks

Hi Mermaid, thanks for dropping by. So I switched my middle dose of the day to a liquid form of my medication and then diluted that in water. I then reduce by 2ml (0.002mg) a day.

Other people dissolve their medication in water, alcohol or milk and then dilute it that way.

[[Pa...]]

I’m happy to know its spring where you are, I hope the brith of a new season will keep your hopes up.  

Those intrusive thoughts are awful, I felt like I was getting beat up on a daily basis and it was me doing the beating.  Please don’t let the thoughts get you down, they’ll fade as you recover, this isn’t the way it’s always going to be.  

[[Th...]]

Just now, [[P...] said:

I’m happy to know its spring where you are, I hope the brith of a new season will keep your hopes up.  

Those intrusive thoughts are awful, I felt like I was getting beat up on a daily basis and it was me doing the beating.  Please don’t let the thoughts get you down, they’ll fade as you recover, this isn’t the way it’s always going to be.  

Thanks Pamster. I should know this. I haven’t been back tapering more than 40 days or so! Spring is lovely here and I’m looking forward to getting out and about in nature a bit more. It soothes the soul 😊

[[Th...]]

 

Day 46 of my taper and today was the worst day I’ve had since I restarted my taper. I’m due for a wave though……

symptoms 4/10. Had a bad sleep and felt terrible when woke up so was a couple hours late to work. Strobing vision, pressure either sides of my head, tinnitus, pain through eye into brain, anxiety, derealisation, bad chest pains at one point, cognitive issues blah blah blah…..

I dropped by 1ml instead of 2ml today. May hold for a few days if I still feel bad tomorrow. Canceled dinner with my daughter as just not feeling up for it today. Will try to make up for it over the weekend. Still functioning ok but had to drag myself through the day. Down from 0.375mg to 0.319mg so steady progress but still not as fast as I’d like. I know I know marathon not sprint. I’ve dropped 14.93% in 46 days. But already this second month is faster. I keep imagining what it will be like not to be forcing myself to push through the day again. Not long ago I felt truly good for the first time I can remember. Zero anxiety, happy, positive, life was really good and would get even better if I wasn’t tapering. But I’d rather pull the band aid off now rather than have it hanging over my head. I have to face it some time, sooner is better.

my son had his 13 month check up since he was diagnosed with coeliac disease. His numbers were excellent! I can’t believe (I can really) that a 14/15 year old could make himself be so strict with his diet. We’ve all made a real effort but ultimately he’s done the work. I’m extremely proud of my son right now