Up and down constantly

[[Da...]]

Is there anyone else as stupid as me and keeps going off and on up and down over the years?  It’s been 5 years since I realised I was in tolerance and began a random taper. Got off. Got akathisia so went back on but didn’t completely resolve it. Since then I’m in a horrible place. Sick if I stay on. Sicker if I taper. When I say sicker I mean hanging by a thread. I’m guessing I’m super super kindled but I feel so utterly STUCK!  Ty 

[[ma...]]

Hi there,

5 years for me on and off. Only just realised that the reason I went back on them was because OF them rather than real anxiety. It's been a completely confusing rollercoaster for me so I get this completely. 12 days into CT but now taking 2mg Diazepam for a week then 1mg for two weeks. Its all we get in the UK in terms of help...

I also noticed that going back on after a while didn't get rid of the thing I thought they would, like itchy skin and tinnitus. That has stayed now for about 8 months and got worse with the CT but going back on made no difference. I had no idea about tapering, tolerance etc. My fault really for not reading myself and I have now promised I won't take another drug unless I have researched it and weighed up the pro's and cons..

I feel stuck too - so at least there is two of us stuck and you are not alone...

Take care

 

 

[[Da...]]

Thanks for the reply. Yep totally agree. Took me years to realise the same thing. I’m also in the uk and the help is close to zero.  I’m also back down to 2mg AGAIN!  Nice to know I’m not alone 🥰

[[Fa...]]

My history may be a little different...but, similar enough.  You can see my history.  (Would really like to see history/signatures back!)

I am sick...sick, sick, sick in every conceivable way.  I'm sick staying on, and feel 'sicker' when I taper...because it's just a hell ride with each cut for me.  I heard a person say that each cut for them was 'life threatening'...and, there are the many days after a cut that I feel the same way.  And, I have AKA...pacing/internal-mental.  The internal/mental is a mind-altering 'live in a different dimension' experience.  If anyone experiences this also, my heart goes out to you...I feel you, and I'm so sorry.

But...I am in a place where there is NO choice but to come off the drug.  No option to up-dose...the drug no longer works, and it has left carnage in its wake.  And, even if it did 'work', with all I have experienced, won't ever be touching it again when this is all over with.  Never, ever.  That's just where I'm at...and, I do not judge anyone else's decisions because we all have to decide what is best for us, and each of our situations are different in a plethora of ways.  I always want to state that.

So...I am enduring the hell of tapering.  Ugh...I am nervous as hell the day I reduce because I know what it's gonna look like...and, I very literally hang by a thread, too.  Unimaginable (but, not to those experiencing it) torment...mental/physical/psychological/spiritual torment.  Kindled could be my nick-name.  Tolerance could be my middle name.  Temporarily screwed my situation.  But, any small amount off is a step in the right direction.  If we suffer staying on or coming off...albeit more coming off...then I'm going to suffer coming off.

Sending you much Love and Healing.

Warmly,

F