20 months. Feel like i can't go on anymore

[[st...]]

Someone please help me. I'm 20 months out of a slow taper. I was feeling so much better for 2 weeks. I'm in another wave. 6 days so far and all I can think of is death. I'm mentally tortured. I don't understand how I can feel this bad thus far out. Makes me think I won't be better for a long time and I honestly don't think I can take this much longer. I know going to the hospital is not an option. They will put me on meds and that won't help. I can hardly tolerate Tylenol 

[[du...]]

@[st...]first I am jealous that

you are 20 months off, but I empathize that you are not feeling well. Just as you mentioned you have had waves and windows. Is there anything in your life that you can loom forward to?  Do you have anything that can distract you temporarily? Are you able to sleep? (might be silly questions considering we are all in mental hell) these are things that have can buy me some very temporary happiness as I taper off. I’ll head back from you soon, let’s keep in touch.

[[Ra...]]

Hi steph

im at the start of 20 mos tomorrow. I as well had a good 30 days. This last month has been really tough and I feel the same way. I can only say that we are at 20 mos instead of 6 so that is super positive. The end of this thing is close we just have to keep going. Hopefully this wave passes for you soon. 

[[be...]]

@[st...] I am so sorry that you feeling so bad, I know it is such an overwhelming feeling, but you have to hold on to the thread you are hanging onto and not give in to dark thoughts. The thing is, that while tapering and post wd, it can and will be bleak at times and it takes time for your Brain to heal, more time that any of us want, but that is the way it is sometimes. Do not give up on yourself, you have come a long way to get off, believe that one day you will be healed, and never ever give up on yourself. Stay Strong.💖 Peace and Much Healing.

[[st...]]

Thank you guys for responding. Just having someone respond to my message makes me cry and the crying feels like a relief. I appreciate all of you. Duckduckgoose, I try and stay busy and distract. Some hours the wave is so intense all I can do is lay in bed and breath and pray. I can't think straight. I understand I'm lucky that i get windows, trust me I'm grateful. It's when the waves come. They are so intense. They seem to intense for this far out. I pray we all heal soon

[[be...]]

[[Gr...]]

@[st...] I am sorry you were feeling so bad in August, but wow are you feeling now? Any better?  More and frequent windows? Anything that you've tried that helps?

[[Sw...]]

@[st...] can you link any of your waves to your cycle? My hormonal cycle makes my symptoms worse, or I perceive them as worse. 

[[ia...]]

On 10/08/2023 at 17:19, [[s...] said:

Thank you guys for responding. Just having someone respond to my message makes me cry and the crying feels like a relief. I appreciate all of you. Duckduckgoose, I try and stay busy and distract. Some hours the wave is so intense all I can do is lay in bed and breath and pray. I can't think straight. I understand I'm lucky that i get windows, trust me I'm grateful. It's when the waves come. They are so intense. They seem to intense for this far out. I pray we all heal soon

Hi Steph, 

Your post came accross my feed and I wanted to give you some encouragement. I just want to say... Im proud of you. I'm proud of you for making it to 20 months; for trying so had every day when you feel like you cannot go on - for engaging in this community, reaching out when you need help... and putting one foot in front of the other. TOMORROW WILL be better. Hang onto hope... Your next window is RIGHT around the corner. Let us know how we can support you. You got this...