Not Sure How To Proceed From Here

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Long story short, I spent from May 2022-March 2023 coming off of 2mg of Clonazepam going roughly 5% every 2 weeks. On occasion I would hold longer, and towards the end I think I sped up a little because I started doing "better". It was a pretty horrific road overall, however I'm pretty sure I went too fast for my brain. The last 15% or so felt pretty good and I was able to get back in the gym and start working out again and I was feel a sliver of normality, so I was excited to jump off on March 19th, 23. Things went to hell and I lost my job that I was already on thin ice with from my lack of showing up due to debilitating symptoms from my taper. I spent two months suffering tremendously and feeling worse than I ever had been during my taper. I ultimately made the decision to go back on .25mg because I was in a pretty big financial hole and needed to be somewhat functional so that I could work again. 

Getting back on .25mg has allowed me to work these past 3 months and brought me back to some sort of stability however I still don't even feel like myself and I have all of these symptoms still lingering, so I want to try to taper this last little bit again, only this time go a lot slower and hopefully have a better transition off of clonazepam completely. Since .25mg is 12.5% of my original 2mg dose, I was thinking going 1% a month and taking an entire year to come off this last little bit, however I don't want to go unnecessarily slow, but I also can't afford to have a repeat of what just happened. I was also thinking of waiting to taper again until the beginning of next year, but I am so eager to begin finally healing. 

Mainly I could just use opinions on my plan for this next taper, and/or suggestions. This past year and a half has truly been the worst of my life trying to get off of this crap and I just hope I will be able to be myself again. I fear I may have lost the fun loving, laid back person that I used to be, and I am now stuck with this miserable, anxiety and depression filled, angry, mean person.

 

Also, I do have a side question about a few symptoms that I am having that I hope are just benzo related and not something permanent. If anyone has had experience with the following symptoms, please let me know if they ever went away or got better. I'm so tired of being this way.

Zero interest in sex. In fact, I can't stand being touched in any way. Also, anything that might have once led to sex, makes me feel extremely triggered (I was molested as a kid, however I have never had experiences like this before trying to taper)

Being mean and snappy, and extremely irritated all the time. Feeling annoyed at how "stupid" the people that are around me are.

Can't listen to music, it either causes too many emotions, or it is ear piercingly annoying.

Not handling being alone well, needing to be around people all of the time (but the real kicker is that then I get annoyed at the people around me, so I can't win)

Wanting to jump out of my body, and be or go anywhere else.

[[du...]]

@[bl...] I can’t answer the first part of your questions, but the last 4 paragraphs resonate with me to the tee. Sexual activity is hard for me. Im 30 (M) and feel like physiologically and physically I am unable to get myself to the “right place”. One of my strangest symptoms currently is  am super scared to be alone. In fact, I desire to be close to my mom or wife, but I quickly become annoyed and try to distract myself with tv, my phone, or the occasional game. A year ago I used to be a very patient and playful dad. It sucks how far I am from “the old me” and I yearn to go back.

[[Se...]]

@[bl...]thanks for your share. I can’t tell you how much I relate what you are going through. I know exactly what you are talking about with feeling on edge and not feeling “in the mood”. I turned to exercise. I find that if I can work out almost every day for at least 30 min that I feel more balanced and like myself. Also as you start to feel more fit or even sexy that drive should return. Hang in there. Not alone buddy.