can't take the anxiety

[[Gl...]]

 

6 hours ago, [[S...] said:

did anyone have this go away?

It's horrific what you're going through, and yes, it does go away eventually.  Honestly, I'd consider reinstating, as @[al...] mentioned above, if it will save your life.  I remember watching this video on YT a while back about akathisia.  If you're even able to watch anything it might help you not feel alone. 

Or if you could read the success stories, you'll see others have made it through.  I can't imagine anything harder than what you're going through.  I feel so badly for you.

[[ma...]]

I don't know if this helps but I am also on Mirtazapine and I found last year when I tried to taper it created very similar issues to the benzo withdrawal. I decided to stick on Mirt for now while I try to get away from the benzo effects. Mirt at least helps with sleep at low doses and 7.5mg is a low dose. 

I have similar symptoms too - shaky feelings, freezing cold then hot, night sweats, dizziness etc. Still crawling through that. Once the other side (hopefully) I will taper off Mirtazapine, but I think it is best to go one at a time and keep anything else you are taking stable. I was keen to get off everything and it hasn't worked out that way at all - rebound symptoms from both. 

[[So...]]

@[Si...] feel free to drop in on the thread I started a week ago, we are pretty much all going thru inner akathisia on there & it is a good support group.

 

I will have to disagree with the others about reinstating- myself & @[Fa...] did that & it did not help & if you were unstable in the taper & two months off now it may not work.  I think that your window last month is a glorious sign though.  Hold on & keep going!  I wail many days as well & I have the electric anxiety you speak of.  I am also on mirtazapine 7.5mg as I said before.  The key to this is not making panicked decisions & staying on a stable dose, it could take a few months to stablize.  Or if you are determined to taper something, go very very slow.  Mirtazapine can have discontinuation syndrome & so can Trazadone.  I doubt they are doing this to you tho- most likely it is the benzo wd.  I hit a rough spot after 2 months as well in my wd, it seems it's a common flare up point.  Hang in there ❤️

[[Si...]]

thanks so much.  it is still unbearable, but less unbearable the last few days.  still wailing and calling out but no screaming.  less rocking.  

I feel hopeless, expect it to get worse tomorrow or today.  

I've been stable on the traz and mirt for 7 days now.  I hope that will help me.

I think about reinstating, but it's true I was unstable through the whole of my taper.  i didn't see the point of my taper and rushed it at the end.  the drug turned on me in record speed.  

throat and chest excruciating from anxiety.

so much kindness here, it's overwhelming

 

[[Fa...]]

@[Si...]  Lesser screaming and rocking is good…even when thing calm even by 10%, it shows that there are changes happening.

I’m so glad you are on consistent doses of Mert and Traz.  I was happy to read that that was worked out and was decided upon.  I do trust that no longer making changes will help your NS as it moves through this.

No one can ever advise what another should do when it comes to reinstatement.  We are all experiencing this our own way…we all have different limits as to what we can handle, and no one knows how you are experiencing this but you.  Never judgement about personal choices and decisions.  Ever.  I think the general consensus is if you can find your way through, then continue on.  If you can keep track of your experience/symptoms and you see small marked improvements, it may help you to see just how your system is slowly healing, and can give you that inner strength and hope to keep moving forward.  And, talking things out, getting the worry and fear out of your head and body and sharing it for others to offer you support and their insight to help you along will help so much.  It can calm the NS even to a small degree and help your body to exhale…even if only for a little while…but, it’s a respite for you, and every time you help your NS take it down a notch, it helps with symptoms.

Here is the link to the thread @[So...] mentioned.  I hope you will pop in.

Much Love and Healing.

Warmly,

F

 

 

[[ka...]]

 

I am starting a taper off of 7.5 mg of mirtazapine. I successful tapered off of .5 clonazepam last April 2022. I want to go slow but it's difficult to cut this small dose into 4 parts so I started last night with  1/2 or 3.75 mg. I have had a hard time sleeping last night and take magnesium and melatonin that usually helps. I also take 300 mg neurontin to relax before bedtime. I appreciate any advice although it is difficult as I said to go slower. Thank you.

katyee8 

[[Es...]]

On 04/08/2023 at 15:40, [[S...] said:

I'm 7 weeks off and no better.  opening my eyes after 2 hours sleep into this horror show, anxiety coursing through my body, getting up moaning with anxiety pain. feeling in a pit of flu feeling (sleep deprivation) and can't believe I haven't had one second of full relaxation since November.  how to keep going?  I stopped eating and drinking today, how to continue existing?  and no-one cares?

@[Si...]

Keeping you in my thoughts. I remember you have that beautiful cat I wanted to know all about. I love cats. Have you ever heard of Feline-assisted therapy? The Author here mentions only a few breeds, but it's nonsense.

All cats have healing power, even strays. You know, I cannot count the times in the day when I hug my cat. The more anxious I feel, the stronger I hug Kitty. She takes away all the anxiety. We are like one soul in two bodies. I kiss her on her little nose, she loves it, caress her paws. She licks my hands, gives me love bites, comes and pats my hand when I write on my iPad. I will never fall asleep without her by my side, touching her. This physical contact with a cat heals you and makes your cat live longer. 

Humans will not often understand, I avoid any physical contact with my Mother. I'm not sure it's good you live with your parents. I wouldn't want any human being here, although I loved being hugged by my Husband.

"I'm supposed to be taking 50mg trazodone and 15mg mirtazapine.  I have to lie to my psych as she said if I didn't follow her instructions she will not work with me. she is head of the clinic which means no admission.  I went there before and checked out after 2 days because I became scared of the mirtazapine, so I'm no in their good books.  I'm utterly torn between needing care and not wanting to destroy myself with the drugs.

"Last 2 nights I took 50mg trazodone and 7.5mg mirtazapine."

So you cut the mirt in half for two consecutive nights... Here is the result. Mirt is an extremely powerful anxiolytic. You have no idea how potent this med is. It's several hundred as potent as traditional antihistamines. 

"Do not stop using mirtazapine suddenly, or you could have unpleasant symptoms (such as dizziness, vomiting, agitation, sweating, confusion, numbness, tingling, or electric shock feelings). Ask your doctor how to safely stop using this medicine."

Look, taking shortcuts is not the way. Trying to prove to anyone here that you're stronger than the meds is the worst mistake possible. You don't even know if people are telling you the truth about their “achievements“.

You can be anyone on the net. You can be a Hero. And secretly pop meds. This is human nature, dear. Some people are honest, other are consummate liars. When I first came here eight years ago, I believed everyone. Well, that has changed a lot. 

Please listen to your doctor and take consistent doses of your meds. Don't mess up with your brain. The change has to be so minimal, that your brain will barely notice. And those neurons, they detect anything.

"My father is becoming more and more disgusted with me." 

How is it even possible to be disgusted with someone sick? So your Father automatically makes you sicker. I'm sorry. 

"[...]a lot of pressure for me to increase mirt from psych and father,  but did that these last 4 days and think it made me even more anxious and violent (I threw things, I'm ashamed to say).  and had cut out trazodone for last 3 days."

What? Your Father interferes in your psychiatric treatment? Is he a pdoc? If not, maybe he could benefit from seeing a pdoc himself. Not your pdoc of course.

Why does he even know the specifics of your psychiatric treatment? You're not a child and he has no right to know anything about your meds. It's between you and your pdoc. You can tell us, but we also can offer limited advice, based on our own experience.

"I look for reasons.  the increased mirtazapine.... too stimulating... I should be off all drugs...yet my parents are in touch with a clinic yet again..."

You stop "shoulding" on yourself" and don't let your Parents guide your treatment. Are you a child? No, mirt won't make you neither agitated nor violent. These are your own repressed emotions. It a psych med contributes, it would be rather the Traz.

You may want to discuss your treatment with your pdoc only, without your Parents. Two ADs could make you agitated. I'd personally give up the Traz. I mean taper. I have direct experience with both. 

Did you read @[So...] post carefully enough? Let me remind you:

" I really can not give medical advice as i am not a doctor but PLEASE do not keep playing around with your meds, specifically the mirtazapine.  I did the same thing with my mirt bcuz I wanted to rush to get off all meds & I ended up back on the benzo after being off for 2.5 months plus back on the full dose of remeron & a beta blocker.  And I had akathisia now & many more meds to taper."

Okay, I need to stop here. I get so emotional reading these posts that it sometimes feels like I cannot go on any longer. I can feel your suffering. I can feel you're trapped, just like me. I know that all our good advice is not so easy to implement. Sometimes impossible. Keeping you in my thoughts. Your cat will never hurt you

Paula 

 

[[Si...]]

I cannot take care of myself so my mother had to move in.  I couldn't be around the man I was living with so he has left.  (he would not have been able to care for me).  I hate being a child back with parents.  My father comes round often.  

I know I fiddled with the meds too much, but now is my 11th day steady on 7.5 mirt and 50mg traz.  I had windows yesterday  and the day before but today is awful as usual. I have no belief that I will heal.  

I mean I see improvements,much less teeth chattering, less rocking...but normality seems utterly unattainable, and it is still torture, each second.  I get so frightened for the nights and the heart pounding wake ups.  

I'm worried I've had intense anxiety for too long and my brain will never be able to snap out of it.  memories of my previous life, just last year on no drugs, come at me and stab me in the chest.

[[Si...]]

I cannot be close with my cat any more.  any emotion causes searing pain down my chest and I have strong emotions for my cat.  but I used to do all that, kiss him non stop. on his nose..ahhh, now he is traumatised

[[Si...]]

katyee take liquid mirtazapine; then you can taper it

[[Es...]]

7 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

I cannot be close with my cat any more.  any emotion causes searing pain down my chest and I have strong emotions for my cat.  but I used to do all that, kiss him non stop. on his nose..ahhh, now he is traumatised

Force yourself to. This little body and heart will heal you better than any psych med out there. Your cat will never come to you on their own. But they will absorb and process your pain. They will let it go❤️

[[Ka...]]

Hi all,

I am 28 months post jump and still get severe anxiety attacks on a weekly basis:

My anxiety attacks still get me about once per week, where i find myself in an intense episode of pure agitation, feeling like i'm about to faint, palpitations with heart rate to the roof, inner tremors, chest tightness, air hunger, lightheaded, etc... I literally feel like i'm going to drop dead.... sorry about this, but that is how intense they still are for me.... most days i am well, feeling about 95% back to normal, functioning fully, working, vacations, shopping, socializing, working out...

And what is interesting, i feel like the anxiety attacks are directly sent by some weird activity in the brain which is hard to describe... i almost feel like the brain is sending a jolt/electric impulse straight to the heart.... and it scares me immensely, because it almost feels like an earthquake inside my chest when it happens...

I like explaining my symptoms just in case anyone else feels anything similar, it's all likely part of the protracted withdrawal... I had all tests possible for my heart, bloodwork, CT scans... all normal

Hope this helps

Karla

[[Si...]]

Well my anxiety is diminishing but it has all gone on so long I'm unable to be positive.  The fact is it's still there and it is still unbearable.  Of course the mornings are the worst and I still often start at 2 or 3am.  

What has lessened - 

Screaming; mostly gone - it still happens and lately happening more, but it stops after minutes or at most half an hour.  I was literally screaming for hours at a time, stopping for 10 minutes , and starting again.  Now screaming is happening more as a bad habit, and the frustration of this going on and on.  I used to have such self control, doing breathing exercises for 2 hours a day, but I am weak now.

Rocking, mostly gone.

Teeth chattering, almost gone.

Shaking, gone.  

I have times where it feels bearable.  I manage to go online most days.  I go to the gym across the road most mornings for intense 5min treadmill.  I mean if I knew this was going to end in 4 weeks I could do this, whereas before 4 weeks would be far too long to contemplate.  The fear that this is going to go on like this for many months or years is all consuming now.  

Oh, I had one normal morning last Wednesday; I couldn't believe it - I woke up sleepy and went back to sleep, then got up and got ready with no problem.  The closing of that window has me a wreck now.  

I am so nervous already for the dreaded wake up.  How do others manage worrying about the wake up all day? The surges up my chest grip me like a demon...

I've stuck at 7.5 mirt and 50mg trazodone.  Of course it's not doing much now.  Added 4mg melatonin with Ovaltine 2 hours before.  

[[Wi...]]

On 17/08/2023 at 20:49, [[K...] said:

Hi all,

I am 28 months post jump and still get severe anxiety attacks on a weekly basis:

My anxiety attacks still get me about once per week, where i find myself in an intense episode of pure agitation, feeling like i'm about to faint, palpitations with heart rate to the roof, inner tremors, chest tightness, air hunger, lightheaded, etc... I literally feel like i'm going to drop dead.... sorry about this, but that is how intense they still are for me.... most days i am well, feeling about 95% back to normal, functioning fully, working, vacations, shopping, socializing, working out...

And what is interesting, i feel like the anxiety attacks are directly sent by some weird activity in the brain which is hard to describe... i almost feel like the brain is sending a jolt/electric impulse straight to the heart.... and it scares me immensely, because it almost feels like an earthquake inside my chest when it happens...

I like explaining my symptoms just in case anyone else feels anything similar, it's all likely part of the protracted withdrawal... I had all tests possible for my heart, bloodwork, CT scans... all normal

Hope this helps

Karla

I have similar jolts. From my brain down my body, feel like seizures or something. I imagine it feels like being resuscitated with a defibrillator. It’s the scariest thing ever…

[[Si...]]

well my anxiety is still ongoing.  I made another thread as I was pressured into going to the clinic for a week.  I'm now on 30mg mirtazapine and 75g seroquel.  I've been on 30mg mirt for 3 nights and 75mg seroquel for 8 days. I am terrified.  my pschiatrist is not the worst but of course doesn't believe this is benzo withdrawal, although she thinks I did have withdrawal and now I have anxiety over the anxiety. I say she is not the worst as she does want me to be med free - the idea is to taper off the seroquel as I become accustomed to the mirt, so she envisages starting the seroquel taper in about 10 days.  I am still taking the 50mg trazodone and she wants to taper off that after the seroquel taper is finished.  then she envisages me staying on the mirtazapine for 6-8months, and then taper off that.  

has this worked for anyone?  have I utterly ruined any progress I made?

Also I've been wondering if she may have had a point about it being more me now than withdrawal. I wonder because I spent 7 days in the clinic, different environment, and I woke up each day without anxiety.  This almost never happened before.  Then the anxiety would build in the shower.  Now I'm home the wake-up anxiety is back and I can't bear it. 

I don't know.  I was about to start cutting my seroquel today as I'm terrified over this regime, but then took it.....have I just bulldozed my brain and prolonged my healing?  Probably yes.  I have no idea how to taper this stuff on my own so feel completely stuck.  "Life" (existence more like) is unbearable for over a year. Cannot function and feel hopeless with this anxiety torture.