can't take the anxiety

[[Si...]]

I'm 7 weeks off and no better.  opening my eyes after 2 hours sleep into this horror show, anxiety coursing through my body, getting up moaning with anxiety pain. feeling in a pit of flu feeling (sleep deprivation) and can't believe I haven't had one second of full relaxation since November.  how to keep going?  I stopped eating and drinking today, how to continue existing?  and no-one cares?

[[gr...]]

Quote

We care. Keep strong and sharing. You will get better. 

 

[[Cr...]]

I had crippling anxiety for the majority of my taper.  It has passed hugely.  There are a lot of things that I did to help:

melatonin

l theanine

cold therapy ( literally dunk your head in ice cold water…divers do this…it resets your body)

walking

distraction

[[Bu...]]

I care, Simon! Don't give up. I have severe anxiety now, too  because of withdrawal. Please hang in there! Big hugs!!!

[[du...]]

@[Si...] everyone in here cares, and believe it or not we all have been or are in your shoes. Someone above mentioned melatonin and that has helped me get 6-8 hours of sleep as I am tapering. If I were you I’d give that a try. Sleep is imperative to your recovery and as we all know that’s extremely hard to come by so perhaps give it a try. How long/quick did you taper?

[[Si...]]

sorry I meant my family don't care, not you guys.  I tapered too fast and was suffering throughout taper - started at 30mg in November, very kindled so even the starting dose gave no relief and only made me worse.  

I tried melatonin.  maybe I should try again.  I've switched meds too many times and now on 15mg mirtazapine/remeron.  l thiamine, distraction and walking all make me worse.  cold thing seemed to work the first time and then stopped working.  I literally just moan mummy mum mummy help me all day - I can't keep quiet.  and if I loose control I start screaming.

 

is anyone this bad?

[[be...]]

2 hours ago, [[S...] said:

I'm 7 weeks off and no better.  opening my eyes after 2 hours sleep into this horror show, anxiety coursing through my body, getting up moaning with anxiety pain. feeling in a pit of flu feeling (sleep deprivation) and can't believe I haven't had one second of full relaxation since November.  how to keep going?  I stopped eating and drinking today, how to continue existing?  and no-one cares?

@[Si...] people care, we have all been in the same boat, different journeys, and it is really hard. I think that most here are a lot stronger than they think, just do the best you can each second of the day. You know the things that are important...like eating and drinking and taking care of yourself please. Maybe watch some silly programs, or just have the TV on so you will be distracted at times. Hang in there, you can do this, hard for sure, but never ever give up on what you want, even if it feels awful. 💖 Peace and Healing.

[[Si...]]

I just can't handle any more.  I'm desperately looking for a reason...I was getting better a month ago, then crashed, panicked and started changing meds.  I've made so many changes, maybe this is the reason...and now again I'm doubting my mirtazapine 15mg, I did better last week on a combo of 7.5 mirtazapine and 50mg trazodone.....slept 6 hours 3nights out of 5...I'm so frightened....the windows from a month ago have not returned, I know I can never get better....do other people have it where they never relax once...this chemical anxiety is unbelievable, I cannot distract, id on't even know how I'm writing here as I can barely go online...

[[Fa...]]

Hi Simonaabranch,

I am still tapering, and it has been complicated and extremely difficult.  I wanted to write to tell you that yes, other people have it where they never relax.  I can only speak for myself, but mine is caused by AKA...like an internal dysphoria/aggitation/fear/terror.  I have not been able to relax since last summer.  I have not been able to sit on my couch 'just because'.  My couch reminds me of when I used to be able to sit and relax...watch a good movie, and it scares me.  None of that is available to me now, and hasn't been for 11 months.  It is incredibly hard, but it can be done.  You can move through it.  At first, I could not handle it at all...I thought I would not make it.  But, the name of the game is to get to the other side...and, somewhere deep inside us is the drive to do it.

I am always so frightened, too.  It has become a way of life for me, and I have come to learn how to manage it...as much as one can..until I no longer have to and I have myself back.

Often, just looking at the computer or thinking about coming on BB terrifies me, and I can't do it.  Irrational fears from a mind that is not on-line yet.  But, for you, if you can push through this, you are in a position where your NS can really start to heal itself now that you are off the drug.  It sounds like you are able to utilize the meds you are on to manage some sleep...whatever combo you choose that works for you.

I hope someone that has completed their taper will come on and share their experience with you.  I just wanted you to know that what you are experiencing is not uncommon at all...and, does not just happen once one has jumped off the drug.  It is a common symptom while tapering as well as after jumping.

Wishing only the best and much healing.

Warmly,

F

 

 

[[Si...]]

faith thank you.  yes I think I have internal aka.  I have been screaming all morning since 3 am, can't manage.  rocking.  had it when tapering too.  

 

I think I started to heal a month ago.   8 days on low dose pregablin has ruined me.  off it 11 days.  

I have no drive.  no self control any more.  

I look for reasons.  the increased mirtazapine.... too stimulating... I should be off all drugs...yet my parents are in touch with a clinic yet again....

[[df...]]

I have been where you are.  It took me almost a year to complete my taper and it was hell many of those days.   Remember that your brain is trying to heal itself and will over time, but it may take longer than you think.  The key is to keep going and not give up.  Use support and even hospitalization if necessary to get you through.  I thought I would never heal but have been without symptoms for more than 2 years now.  If you're tapering benzos use the Ashton Manual and follow it closely.  Listening to Tara Brach and learning mindfulness helped me also.  You can make it DON'T GIVE UP!

[[Si...]]

everyone here is so amazing.  I woke up at 1am today in terror and no sleep since.  why is it that I can;;t feel tired, only incredibly sick.  I;;ve lost everything.  I can't stop changing meds.  went back to reduced mirtazapine and trazodone.  I think the switching may be keeping me from progressing.  I started to get better a month ago for 5 days,  but it's now utterly hopeless, all month.  I feel sure pregabalin didn't just stop healing but caused further damage.  

I wail all day.  how can this be real. I can't go to shops, read, nothing.  

finch did you continue suffering after you jumped?  I rushed my taper towards the end as I was suffering so much and kept hearing that "true" healing doesn't start till zero.  I regret it so much. 

 

[[Fa...]]

Hi Simon,

Decision making is very hard when you are in the thick of this.  However, it is time to make some decisions.

I agree, changing meds constantly is not the answer.  It will complicate things, and will exacerbate symptoms…possibly bring on new ones and create a chemical soup of destabilization.  The decision will be which adjunct medications do you choose to stay on, and what do you choose to discontinue.  Keeping in mind that discontinuing more than one drug at a time is not advised.  Focussing on dealing with the discontinuation of the benzo is the priority.  Moving through this is your one job.  Also, realizing that adjunct meds will not alleviate acute WD.  Many find them useful during their taper, but it will not take away the process your body is going through to begin its healing.

When we are panicked, we look for a quick way to take away our pain.  It is natural to do so.  But, this is a process that is difficult and painful.  There are no bandaids.

If you choose to stay on adjunct meds, decide what you will stay on and stay on a consistent dose.  They can be dealt with when you have moved through this in whatever way you choose at that time.  You may want off those meds, but there will be fall-out from trying to do this now.  Your body requires consistency.  These are decisions to be made.

You can do this…you have to dig deep.  And, yes…for many, what you are experiencing is ‘normal’.  The hysterics, screaming and crying, the fear and panic…this is normal.  But, this phase will pass.  It’s acute exacerbated by fluctuating your other meds.

I hope this has helped some.  I wish I could take away your suffering.

Warmly,

F

 

 

[[Si...]]

thank you faith.  so much.  yes I panicked, and so did my elderly parents who have to look after me at age 46.  I started to get better,  and then when the screaming started again I was rushed to the priory.   only stayed 2 days.  that's when I started fluctuating meds, and I'm so frustrated because I woke up my 1st day there (before any new meds) in a window i.e. with less anxiety and a bit more sleep.  then I finally agreed to start the pregabalin and it was like taking a valium...and stopped "working" after 1 day...I knew it was bad... came home and cut it...then after a few days persuaded to do it again...1st pill like valium again and my dad was so happy, terrible reaction next day so tried to stop it, and my dad said he would disown me if I didn't continue and stormed out.  so I did another 8 days.  then the playing with low dose trazodone and mirtazapine too many times to count.

I've screwed everything up.

no more real windows since the priory one early July.  

12 days off pregabalin (the real evil in my opinion)

love

simona

[[Fa...]]

Okay.  So, will you stay in the Mert and Traz at a consistent dose?

[[Si...]]

I hope so.  a lot of pressure for me to increase mirt from psych and father,  but did that these last 4 days and think it made me even more anxious and violent (I threw things, I'm ashamed to say).  and had cut out trazodone for last 3 days.

took 7.5 mirt and 50mg trazodone last night.  

 

yes it's a mess. panicked decisions as you mention.  

[[Fa...]]

I have done the same...so many of us do.  You are not alone.

Do not be ashamed.  We are dealing with a highly sensitized NS, and we simply do not have the capacity to calm ourselves down...and, I find it worse when it involves emotional confrontation and disagreements.  Especially, when it pertains to our health and we feel as though we are not understood/listened to and being backed into a corner.  We know our body best.  Be easy on yourself, please.  You are in a 'hotbox' right now trying to make it through each hour.

Keep in mind that the added stress could also massively contribute to the additional anxiety and fits of rage and panic.  We are raw nerves.  Also, cutting the Traz the last three days would not have helped your state, either.  So, there are probably different reasons all layering upon each other for the change in your ability to handle things emotionally.

I hope you can come to an understanding with your psych regarding your dose and then sit tight at that dose as you move forward in your healing.

Sending you Much Love and Healing, Simona.

Warmly,

F

 

 

[[Fa...]]

One more thing, I see that you had stopped eating and drinking.  I know the Mert is prescribed for this reason.  And, Traz for a sleep aid used off label in low doses.  This may be something that will help you through your WD journey.  I do hope they are of aid to you.

Warmly,

F

[[So...]]

Hi @[Si...] I really can not give medical advice as i am not a doctor but PLEASE do not keep playing around with your meds, specifically the mirtazapine.  I did the same thing with my mirt bcuz I wanted to rush to get off all meds & I ended up back on the benzo after being off for 2.5 months plus back on the full dose of remeron & a beta blocker.  And I had akathisia now & many more meds to taper.

 

It may seem like getting the meds out as fast as possible is the quickest way out of this, but very possibly unless you have the tranquility of a Buddhist priest you will end up just getting worse & needing more meds.  I wish I had a better answer, I truly do, but mirtazapine is an antidepressant & you can't just stop those in benzo wd.  I truly believe if we didn't have sensitized nervous systems we could probably drop them quick like normal people but we can not mess up our serotonin & dopamine systems at the the same time as our gaba is not functioning (add norepinephrine & histamine in there too with the mirtazapine.  

 

You can get off mirt one day but please do not rush, I made that mistake twice & I feel sick as hell.  

[[df...]]

Yeah, it was up and down for quite a while. But after tapering very slowly I did improve.  Don't be afraid to check into a psych hospital if you are suicidal.  

[[al...]]

It sounds like you have akathisia.  I had it when I tapered too quickly off Klonopin. Lasted for months and I almost didn't make it.  I reinstated and it saved my life . I Tapered super slow over the next two years and successfully got off the benzos. Could you reinstate at a dose that stabilizes you then taper very slowly?    You need to calm your nervous system then go from there.  There is nothing wrong with adjunct meds to help you sleep and there is no discontinuation syndrome from remeron or trazodone.   Clonidine is excellent for anxiety and can help calm your nervous system.  It's given to individuals withdrawing from fentanyl and helps.   

[[Si...]]

I never stabilised at any dose and suffered just as much throughout taper.  Although I think I may have started to stabilise at 10mg but for some reason that was when I rushed my taper. 

I might go to a clinic but they would up my mirtazapine and I feel even the 15mg made me worse (did it for 5 days). But at the same time I want just to give up doing this myself and let them do what they want with monitoring.  

I'm supposed to be taking 50mg trazodone and 15mg mirtazapine.  I have to lie to my psych as she said if I didn't follow her instructions she will not work with me. she is head of the clinic which means no admission.  I went there before and checked out after 2 days because I became scared of the mirtazapine, so I'm no in their good books.  I'm utterly torn between needing care and not wanting to destroy myself with the drugs.

Last 2 nights I took 50mg trazodone and 7.5mg mirtazapine.  

I feel I need to stay on this at least a week or 2, but I'm so panicked I'm worried I'll rush to the clinic. I'm 46 and having to be cared for by my mother.  I have no-one.  My father is becoming more and more disgusted with me.  This has been going on since November and other family is fed up. I don't know how I''m surviving.  Some improvement today but still unbearable.  

[[Gl...]]

I feel awful for what you are going through.  Withdrawal alone is horrific, but not having the support of your dad makes it that much worse.  I'm sincerely sorry!  Hang in there.  You're not alone and many here understand what you're going through.  You will be in my prayers. 

[[Go...]]

@[Si...].  Would it help to describe and talk about the anxiety?  Some people yes, some people no.  Just thought I’d suggest it??

[[Si...]]

I don't know; it varies from pure panic like electricity, to deep pains in chest, throat and stomach.  Cold water dread travels up my upper arms and legs.  I think I have a kind of akathesia where I rock, can't sit or lie still.  My teeth chatter. My breath is shaky. At its worst I scream, and that is not helpful.  

Today so far it is less, but still non functional and in bed.  I wail a lot.  

Almost 2 months off and it's being going on since the beginning of taper (my usage is mostly tapers; I hardly took valium prior to tapering..and am severely kindled).

I want what we all want, hope...

did anyone have this go away?