Need Advice From People Going Through BW

[[du...]]

I have frequented this website daily for the past week and I have had interactions with a lot of you amazing people and am looking for some reassurance or advice from people who are going through the same thing as me. To keep a long story really short 10 months ago I was put on .5 ativan x2 daily, as prescribed, and over the course of those months had a variety of ups and down. (with hindsight I suspect I quickly built up dependence) I scoured the internet and discovered this place and quickly realized that my symptoms were the same awful demons that so many of you guys experienced. After a failed attempt of a 1 month taper off Ativan (I was very suicidal, sleepless, sore, and sensitive) my pcp reinstated Valium at 5mg x2 and seems to be aware of the ashton manual and the need to have a longer half life benzo to use as a taper. However he didn't seem like it would be too much of an issue to come of the benzo so I sought 2 other opinions and was reassured that I was not on a high enough dose to have "much of an issue" to come off the Valium. This is where I need some experienced advice. Obviously this did not sit well with me because 3 weeks ago I sat curled up in a ball, functionless and wanting to die because of the quick ativan taper. I basically have had 2 pcp and 1 psych tell me that I am not on a high enough dose and was not on it long enough to have sustained WD. I was also told that Abilify and Lexapro could be the new magic cocktail that I need and I could simply stop taking the Valium within the next few days. I am very much NOT WILLING to listen to that advice as I know how miserable life was coming off Ativan and suspect the addition of SSRIs and psych meds wont do much. Anyways, I would love to hear from someone who has beaten this or who is fighting the same beast as I am in regards to have medical professions "deflect" what you are telling them. I feel reassured that I am on a "small dose" and its only been 10 months, but I am scared to death of those ativan WD feelings and don't want to feel them again. My pcp wants me to cut to 4.5 2x daily next week. any advice? If you take time out of your day to respond I appreciate it! I know we are all fighting here. 

[[Ho...]]

Well, for sure the Ashton manual and others here recommend no more than a 5-10% cut at a time. As the dose goes down, the percentage means your cut will necessarily be smaller and smaller. So the cut your pcp is recommending is in the range, on the high end. Nevertheless they may not understand that you and your body are the drivers of how much to cut at a time, not their timetable. You absolutely cannot just stop taking the Valium. 

None of my doctors thought coming off Clonazepam would be much of an issue, either. Three neurologists (one from the Mayo Clinic), my pcp and a psychiatrist. They were all wrong. The psychiatrist has treated people for benzo addiction and she missed all the signs. I finally, after being helped (NOT) by her for a year, learned that she had one patient, an attorney, who was 83 when she started weaning him from Clonazepam. She got him off in a year. It took three years for him to feel like himself again. I was sent to her by my PCP and all she did was try different off-label antidepressants on me. Most exacerbated all of my withdrawal symptoms. I'm still weaning off two that barely did anything but she insisted I take.

My PCP still wants me to find an antidepressant. I won't do it. I know my brain is fully equipped to manage things with time and care, so that's my path. there's a new warning on Clonazepam and it may include Valium. The FDA required it to be placed in 2020, because during the opiate crisis the FDA's investigation uncovered so many people suffering after going off benzos. They didn't send out 'dear doctor' letters, but I hunted down the warning on my prescription. It took a while but I found it and printed it off. It talks about the withdrawal symptoms for some people could last many months. You might locate it and print it out for your gaslighting doctors. 

But they're not really gaslighting! It's not on purpose. It's all they know. So you'll have to try and educate them, but whatever you do, don't ignore your own gut!