Validation on Why I'm Feeling Bad Still

[[mi...]]

I've had an uneventful slow 5-6%/mo dry taper on K over 18 months or so and am currently down to .169mg. I was stable on Accord until I was forced over to Teva and then the hell started. However, I've made a lot of panic moves in the last month or so trying to get better from the worsening decline I was feeling on the Teva. Here are my changes recently:

June 30 - tried two days of DLMT with milk/Teva (failed bad, zero sleep, horrible shaking)
July 2 - switched back to Teva pills
July 10 - cut 1.6% of dose to try to get relief from sedation/depression
July 18 - started gradual switch (25%) to pharmacy liquid with Ora Plus and Pure K powder (different brand) - horrible GI and hyperaroused CNS reaction that still hasn't fully resolved
July 21 - went to 100% pharmacy liquid instead of continuing gradual crossover
July 24 - switched back to Teva pills
July 27 - cut 1.6% of dose to try to get relief from horrible toxic feeling on Teva
July 30 - finally able to switch back to Accord after securing some from a local pharmacy, phew!

I feel like each change has brought on entirely different symptoms, but my body is screaming to settle down. The longer I held on Teva the sicker I got, I was being poisoned, so the cuts were to try to give my poor brain relief and it partially did, but in otherways made things worse. Is it safe to say that almost anyone who did this many changes during a month would feel absolutely miserable and hardly able to function? A month ago I was struggling bad on Teva, but I could still feel my feelings a little, still felt connected to people, now I feel like my brain hurts, DP/DR, severe benzo belly (which I actually never get during normal tapering), hard to complex problem solve, etc. I am back on Accord which I know my body likes and in the three days ive been back on it I already feel my head feels clearer and i don't feel so frantic, but while holding in place for awhile here, should I expect to stabilize over a period of weeks, or will it take longer. All changes were done trying to escape the pain of Teva, normally I am very disciplined. Please advise and will I be ok given enough time? I was rock solid two months ago before Teva took over so I know I have been stable for a long time before this decline.

[[Pa...]]

I'm so glad to know you're back on the Accord, I've seen members experience difficulty with different brands and struggle to make sense of it and try to manage it.  You've made a lot of changes which our bodies hate, I have no idea how long it will take to stabilize, but do you have a good supply, will your doctor support your hold for as long as you need?  I can't imagine it taking longer than a few weeks but we can't know for sure.

[[mi...]]

Thanks so much @[Pa...]. Im picking up my Rx tomorrow (I had 12 doses I had set aside in case I ever got ahold of Accord again and could start up while waiting for it to be filled). It is a 90 day supply of 0.5mg Accord. I am at .169mg so I cut them in half before filing them down some more and that gives me 180 days, which will get me to mid-February. I talked to an Accord rep last week and she said they should be back in production at the end of the year, beginning of next. So I'm hoping when I run out I'll be able to order this again and get it easier. I have no idea where this local pharmacy I found got something that has been on back order since the beginning of the year, but he showed me the bottle and pills and it sure enough is Accord. I'm hoping he still has it in 3 months so I can get a refill which will extend me out a year from now. I have 2-3 years left on my taper, probably closer to 3 at the rate I am comfortable going (5%/mo), so I will need to make sure I can build up a supply each time I get it so this never happens again. How devastating to have a life, a job, feel whole, tapering well, dealing with only minor symptoms, not even thinking about benzo hell, and then being thrown back into hell in a single week after a brand change. I can't wrap my brain around how that is possible. I'm hoping I am just as equally surprised in reverse going back on this. As far as my doc, she has let me lead the entire way. She doesn't understand my sensitivities, but she believes me and she does whatever I need and stays out of the way, which honestly is all I could ever want or need.

[[Pa...]]

I hope things settle quickly and you can get back to your taper but won't it feel wonderful when you're done, not to have to worry about things you have no control over?  So many members are in a panic because they're doctors are cutting them off and others like you are at the whim of the global supply chain. 

Your doctor sounds wonderful.

[[mi...]]

I cant wait to get off, but this crash makes me wonder if this is how I'll feel when I'm off which scares me. Benzo lies in full swing right now in this destabilized state. I am tapering so slow and will go all the way down to 0 before i walk off. I hope that means I don't have a terrible recovery. My taper has been so easy until now.