Mental breakdown 3 months after full recovery

[[Di...]]

Hi. For about 10 years I have been on opioids, alcohol and Clonazepam at least 2mg with ups and downs, a lot of abstinence and 2,3 success stoping for couple of weeks after cold turkey detox good recovery without antidepressants, but start again for some reasons. One thing is sure that opioid dependence comes fast and the abstinence comes fast, last short and it is very intense. For all this years the opioid mixed with alcohol was the thing making me feel good and I am not sure what was the exact Clonazepam effect on me. All these years I was functioning  normal, I had no cognitive or any other issues even during abstinence. So, three years ago I left job, left wife and kid and went in another country. Total environment change far from every stress sources with a couple of Clonazepam and opioid pills in my pocket. So one day I just took the last pills.

Maybe about a week opioid abstinence and that was it. In a few days I was born again. I felt great, no clue of anxiety, depression or any withdrawal symptoms. 100 percentage power, physical and mental high mood.

Working, making good money feeling wonderful. After some time, maybe about 2 months later  just start to take again painkiller containing low dose opioid and paracetamol with alcohol again for no reason, just to enjoy knowing the stop is so easy. And  on third month something start to happen. In a few days I develop a high range of symptoms. I would say dementia and panic disorder in same time. Horrible. Total cognitive lack, brain fog, constant panic, motivation to even breath ,dragging legs I stopped speak and hard understanding others words, I couldn't even read, Ear noise, noise intolerance, blank stare, head pressure, my posture changed, lost fine motor skills and etc.

I can't find a proper words to describe it.

Very horrible and scary...

Anyway by today this all is happening and I cope with it anyhow. So it is my fault. 

First, I don't think this came from the benzo long after it is gone from the brain. Is it possible? I don't think so. Doesn't make sense at all. 

I have never heard or read case like this despite I know people who sudden stop benzodiazepine after years using without withdrawal but nothing like that happened.

As I mentioned, obviously I easy took the pills away because I totally changed the environment, and I was so far from the stress factors and there was no more  reason to extinguish myself.

Second I thing the real dependence and hard stopping appears to those who start taking benzodiazepine because of hard and very real mental condition. And stoping it bring them back in the starting position when they must fight again with the anxiety coming from  inner personal origin, from their mind,way of  thinking, character or neurotransmitter disballance or whatever reason it is, but much more intense because the brain off benzos "forgot" how to cope with the anxiety at all. So in my case I actually develop real, deep depression, anxiety, and panic disorder because of the pills. Before starting anything I very long ago I had just low mood which I was treating with little alcohol and unfortunately by accident I found that some painkillers buying absolutely free from the pharmacy was making me feel very good and on top I let in my life a stress factors and having no idea what depression is, what opioid is, what addiction is and what I am going through the next 15 years....Just meanwhile some doctor prescribed me Clonazepam on top of everything.

Now I am  starting a Wellbutrin, the only antidepressant dealing with dopamine believing the problem is over there considering the symptoms and that will cover the damage hopefully.

 

 

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Hello Dimi26, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

What I'm wondering about is a theory called kindling. Kindling - Benzodiazepine Information Coalition (benzoinfo.com)

I'm wondering if your use of alcohol after you had stopped the benzodiazepine brought about your intense symptoms.  I've known other members who use of alcohol has exacerbated symptoms and I wouldn't be surprised if it has contributed to your emergence of them.

Keep reaching out and we'll try to figure out what happened and what to do next.

Pamster

[[Di...]]

Hi Pamster. Thank for comment

Yes, this theory is new for me and make sense. I forgot to mention that I made full blood exams, thyroid, vitamins, brain scan and everything is normal. Anyway, I thing this came from the painkiller which except low dose opioid there is 500mg paracetamol. In the past in my country I was on similar painkiller with double opioid and low paracetamol. So this time to reach a good dose I needed to take a lot, 10 and some time more pills and alcohol. Which is 5 mg and more paracetamol in one take plus alcohol. The maximum amount for 24 hours in separate takes is 4mg paracetsmol. By today I am better and I am three days in Wellbutrin and like something start happening despite the side effects. And for sleep I take Trazodon, so apparently I am on two depressants. The one is serotonin inhibitor and other is dopamine inhibitor and I really believe and hope this will help. I will see in next 10 days. And now I am two weeks of alcohol and pills. Anyway the interesting thing is the sudden stoping 2mg Clonazepam, opioid and alcohol after 10 years use and full recovery in about 10 days. This is very wierd. And this experience is a absolutely evidence for me that brain is a powerful and mysterious thing. And I am pretty sure that depression, anxiety are triggered from outside world and if somebody can recognize the reasons for his condition or change the way of thinking which is not easy job, and make changes needed there is no reason to take pills and eventually the stopping will be very easy. In my country there is famous doctor who doesn't give pills, but he practice a very special,  intense breathing cessions and bring patient in deep trans. After one or two cessions people feel very good and different, and they start see the problems for their condintion, and a l lot of them straight throw the pills in the bin after long use...

But now my case is different and I am sure there is some disballance in my brain.

So will write again after some days using the antidepressants..

[[Ho...]]

I hope you can come to an understanding of what's happened to you! If the Wellbutrin works, then it may be just depression. I tried Wellbutrin and it gave me too much energy; my whole body burned so I stopped it. Trazodone didn't help either.

If antidepressants don't work, then you'll know it's not depression that's affecting you. 

All your issues, from brain fog to noise intolerance, well, all of those and a few others like the inability to eat cam to me as I cut down on, and eventually stopped taking, clonazepam. What you have seems unlike depression, doesn't it? I agree, the brain is mysterious and understanding of its workings can be elusive. I hope things go well for you and that you find answers soon! 

 

[[Ma...]]

On 02/08/2023 at 03:57, [[D...] said:

Hi. For about 10 years I have been on opioids, alcohol and Clonazepam at least 2mg with ups and downs, a lot of abstinence and 2,3 success stoping for couple of weeks after cold turkey detox good recovery without antidepressants, but start again for some reasons. One thing is sure that opioid dependence comes fast and the abstinence comes fast, last short and it is very intense. For all this years the opioid mixed with alcohol was the thing making me feel good and I am not sure what was the exact Clonazepam effect on me. All these years I was functioning  normal, I had no cognitive or any other issues even during abstinence. So, three years ago I left job, left wife and kid and went in another country. Total environment change far from every stress sources with a couple of Clonazepam and opioid pills in my pocket. So one day I just took the last pills.

Maybe about a week opioid abstinence and that was it. In a few days I was born again. I felt great, no clue of anxiety, depression or any withdrawal symptoms. 100 percentage power, physical and mental high mood.

Working, making good money feeling wonderful. After some time, maybe about 2 months later  just start to take again painkiller containing low dose opioid and paracetamol with alcohol again for no reason, just to enjoy knowing the stop is so easy. And  on third month something start to happen. In a few days I develop a high range of symptoms. I would say dementia and panic disorder in same time. Horrible. Total cognitive lack, brain fog, constant panic, motivation to even breath ,dragging legs I stopped speak and hard understanding others words, I couldn't even read, Ear noise, noise intolerance, blank stare, head pressure, my posture changed, lost fine motor skills and etc.

I can't find a proper words to describe it.

Very horrible and scary...

Anyway by today this all is happening and I cope with it anyhow. So it is my fault. 

First, I don't think this came from the benzo long after it is gone from the brain. Is it possible? I don't think so. Doesn't make sense at all. 

I have never heard or read case like this despite I know people who sudden stop benzodiazepine after years using without withdrawal but nothing like that happened.

As I mentioned, obviously I easy took the pills away because I totally changed the environment, and I was so far from the stress factors and there was no more  reason to extinguish myself.

Second I thing the real dependence and hard stopping appears to those who start taking benzodiazepine because of hard and very real mental condition. And stoping it bring them back in the starting position when they must fight again with the anxiety coming from  inner personal origin, from their mind,way of  thinking, character or neurotransmitter disballance or whatever reason it is, but much more intense because the brain off benzos "forgot" how to cope with the anxiety at all. So in my case I actually develop real, deep depression, anxiety, and panic disorder because of the pills. Before starting anything I very long ago I had just low mood which I was treating with little alcohol and unfortunately by accident I found that some painkillers buying absolutely free from the pharmacy was making me feel very good and on top I let in my life a stress factors and having no idea what depression is, what opioid is, what addiction is and what I am going through the next 15 years....Just meanwhile some doctor prescribed me Clonazepam on top of everything.

Now I am  starting a Wellbutrin, the only antidepressant dealing with dopamine believing the problem is over there considering the symptoms and that will cover the damage hopefully.

 

may I ask why your posture changed?

do you also have the muscles pulling you in a different shape 

[[Li...]]

On 03/08/2023 at 04:00, [[[...] said:

did the Wellbutrin help you at all? Any side effects and how was it getting on it? Is it the only med your on?

 

 

.

So will write again after some days using the antidepressants..

 

[[pi...]]

Hello @[Li...] and welcome to Benzo Buddies!

We’re glad to have you here, but would you mind sharing more information about you circumstances? We can better address your unique situation. 

Are you now taking a benzo, tapering or recovering? I see you have questions about Wellbutrin, I’m sure we’ve had members taking this medication that wouldn’t mind answering your questions. Stop back and let us know how you are doing.

pianogirl

[[Fi...]]

Did the Wellbutrin help you?? Could you please describe your experience going on the Wellbutrin and what it did???

 

I have been prescribed 150 mg XL.