Why do I feel better for a few days whenever I cut??

[[Ni...]]

I’m hoping to find some other people who have experienced this strange phenomenon.  About 3 months ago I rapid tapered from 2mg’s of Ativan over the course of 3 weeks. It was extremely difficult but weirdly enough in the midst of all the extreme anxiety, crippling fear,  insomnia, startled by any noise or sound… I actually experienced some moments of increased mood, mental clarity, and optimism which I didn’t feel even while on this drug for 3 years. Naturally, this encouraged me to keep going thinking I was making the right decision and healing. Eventually once the drug was out of my system these better moments disappeared and I was in hell for months. I eventually made the decision to reinstate and taper slower. 
 

Now I am tapering down from 2mg’s of Valium (switched over for longer half life) and I’m noticing the EXACT same thing… I cut by a small amount and I will feel pretty good for 3-4 days.  Way less anxiety, fear, inner vibrations, increased mental clarity. I almost feel like myself again at some moments. Then boom, after 3-4 days I’m right back in withdrawal.

Has anyone else experienced this?? I can’t understand how I feel better at first when reducing the medication and then terrible a few days later. If anyone has experienced this can you tell me how it played out for you? I almost want to keep reducing cause it feels good but I know once I hold it will just be terrible again. 
 

- Nick 

[[mi...]]

This is me ALL. THE. TIME. When I hold longer than my two week cut cycle I perpetually feel more toxic and sick. It’s horrible. But when I cut within a day the lights come in and my personality comes back and I feel amazing. In fact I feel like I’m myself. This lasts 5-6 days in K for me and the I start to feel blah and lifeless and crummy. I’m in a bad wave now but this is my normal pattern. But even in this wave I get relief when cutting. It’s insane. It drives me to want to cut more often but I don’t no fight her urge but I look forward on the calendar to when I cut because I know it will improve things. For me I think I don’t metabolize and eliminate the drug well and I think it builds up and gives me side effects. Cutting I think gives my system a break. That’s my theory.

[[Pa...]]

Hello Nick_14, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

What you're feeling is absolutely normal for this process, our symptoms wax and wane and we never know how we're going to feel.  I'm sorry you had to reinstate but I'm not surprised to hear the outcome, the only thing you can do is to continue tapering until you're eventually off the drug and can recover from the changes it made.to your brain and central nervous system.

Recovery can take as long or longer than tapering, you'll find many here who are experiencing what you are.  The reason you feel better for 3 or 4 days after a reduction is because of Valiums long half life, this is when it finally leaves your system and you feel the loss of the drug.  

About the only option you have is to slow your taper down and allow your body to recover a little more in between reductions, this will hopefully keep you functional.  

Please have a look around, you've come to the right place to learn about this process, its a nightmare for sure.

Pamster

[[Ni...]]

Thank you both for the replies! I did just join, however I have been reading posts on this website for months now, consulting with doctors, and living through it so unfortunately I’m not new to all this. 

Pamster, you make a good point regarding the long half life of V and it is logical. 

However, to Mikeyjoed’s point, even if we are feeling awful on our current dose for 2-3 weeks as soon as I cut I will feel a huge reduction in symptoms. Cutting seems to make us feel better when theoretically it should make us feel worse. This happened when I first came off Ativan as well and that is a short half life. 

Thanks for the warm welcome, looking forward to supporting others as well.

 

[[mi...]]

I’ve actually gotten myself out of several waves with a small 1-2% cut that hit me the next day and was dramatic. The effect is repeatable so it’s not a fluke. I am currently dealing with major instability from switching to a different generic, and I have made three very small cuts, and every time that week has been so much better even though I’ve been returned to my normal miserable symptoms after. Again, these are small cuts, I’m not looking to jar anything but it’s just so amazing how in my sister has begged me to hold when I was feeling my worst I would cut instead because I know my body and within two days, I was feeling better and I didn’t have any long-term consequences to future cuts. I don’t get it but I can’t deny it.

[[Ni...]]

Yes exactly! It is absolutely wild that reducing the drug actually makes us feel better it makes no sense. At least someone else out there knows what I’m talking about.