Polydrugged for 3 years cold turkey all meds

[[Tr...]]

Edit: please please do not misunderstand that I am downplaying the suffering of those who tapered. Never. No. I just had so many people (including doctors)  tell me "Oh you should have tapered." Yes, I wish so too. The purpose of this post is to find camaraderie(?) from same case (cold turkey multiple brain drugs at the same time) the same way people comfort each other suffering the same symptoms.  

Looking for hope, for support, looking for people who survived, who are fighting. Maybe someone who types polypharmacy, polydrug, cold turkey c/t would see this. Hello, I exist. 

Part of my damage is that I doubt my healing. I envy those who had/have a chance to taper. Sooo much. You guys did things right. I know it's really common to think "Oh, I'm the worst case on here." I just feel really down and alone. 

I was prescribed benzos in 2020, got side effects so the evil doctor added 2 more antidepressants and increased dosage to cover up, to no avail. Dec 2022, I was a zombie and no more money for the expensive consultations/prescriptions, I cold turkeyed all meds.

I was not educated/informed by doctor that she planned to have me on this sht for life. She was like a legal drug dealer. Just this month, I found a fellow redditor who was her patient. Same modus:  "Don't research. You'll just scare yourself. Don't analyze." He got weaned off by an internal medicine doctor who flagged the benzo use. He got lucky. 

Edited July 25, 2023 by [Tr...]
Clarification

[[Pa...]]

I know first hand how horrific a cold turkey is, and while its not recommended, it still gets us off the medication which is our goal, right?  Have you noticed now miserable everyone is, tapers are not pleasant for the majority of our members, not many get off easy around here.  

You’re medication free, you’re in recovery but many face a long taper as well as a long recovery, I wonder if it would help to change how you look at your situation?  We all do the best we can, we hope we’re making the right decisions and this process makes us question everything with a negative slant but we’re all working towards the same thing, full recovery and you’re closer than you realize. 

[[Ha...]]

Hi, I was polydrugged and CT'd off Valium. Then tried to up my dose on the AD, which was a bad idea and had to CT that too. Just for good measure then a few months later I got persuaded to try another med which I had an adverse reaction to, and got even worse which I didn't think was possible. Like you I was blissfully unaware of the true horrors that awaited, with no advice from the doctor. 

 

I'm 39 months out from the initial CT, and improving slowly. Just thought I'd let you know you're not alone in this and Hello 🤗

[[Tr...]]

11 hours ago, [[P...] said:

I know first hand how horrific a cold turkey is, and while its not recommended, it still gets us off the medication which is our goal, right?  Have you noticed now miserable everyone is, tapers are not pleasant for the majority of our members, not many get off easy around here.  

You’re medication free, you’re in recovery but many face a long taper as well as a long recovery, I wonder if it would help to change how you look at your situation?  We all do the best we can, we hope we’re making the right decisions and this process makes us question everything with a negative slant but we’re all working towards the same thing, full recovery and you’re closer than you realize. 

Thank you, Pam. I just feel really scared. I read nightmare stories from those who CTd benzos. I go to Surviving Antidepressants and they have nightmare stories about those who CTd ADs. Usually only 1 drug CTd. And I cold turkeyed 3 at the same time. 

I am in a horrible wave, so the depression and hopelessness is extra overwhelming. I ask myself is it still worth it, maybe it's not worth it anymore to fight another day. There is no finish line, no waking up from this nightmare.

Thank you for being patient. 

[[Tr...]]

9 hours ago, [[H...] said:

Hi, I was polydrugged and CT'd off Valium. Then tried to up my dose on the AD, which was a bad idea and had to CT that too. Just for good measure then a few months later I got persuaded to try another med which I had an adverse reaction to, and got even worse which I didn't think was possible. Like you I was blissfully unaware of the true horrors that awaited, with no advice from the doctor. 

I'm 39 months out from the initial CT, and improving slowly. Just thought I'd let you know you're not alone in this and Hello 🤗

You are so strong. I pray you heal. I selfishly need proof that healing exists.

I am super scared. I pray we heal.

Because of suffering from CT 3 meds at the same time, I too was prescribed mirtazapine (almost a month) and some more alprazolam as needed, then abilify (3days). Just horrible reaction to all. My mom sees my suffering and keeps asking I try some more medicines. 

I am just 89 days off all the brain drugs. I don't know if I can survive 1 more day. 

You are so strong. 

[[Fa...]]

Hi TH,

I wanted to write to counter-balance this topic.

I spend many days wishing I could CT.  As Pamster said, many face a long taper and a long recovery, and it can be ugly.  I am facing a long taper, and there are many days I don't know if I can survive another, and I still have to get myself off this drug.

The problem is we just don't know, either way, what our experience will be like because we are all so unique with so many factors playing into how this goes for us...many we do not even understand.

We make our decisions the best we can with the information and options we have available to us in this.  It is all grey, in my opinion...and, we look at all the grey and try our best to make a black and white decision within it.

I am scared, too.  And, we all look for evidence that we will heal and make it through this, and there is sooo much out there, and we always feel we will be the one that will not heal...not make it through.  As they say...that in and of itself is a symptom.  I just want you to know that someone who has not CT'd is feeling exactly as you are.  You are not alone.

Wishing you so much healing.

Warmly,

F  

 

[[Tr...]]

34 minutes ago, [[F...] said:

Hi TH,

I wanted to write to counter-balance this topic.

I spend many days wishing I could CT.  As Pamster said, many face a long taper and a long recovery, and it can be ugly.  I am facing a long taper, and there are many days I don't know if I can survive another, and I still have to get myself off this drug.

The problem is we just don't know, either way, what our experience will be like because we are all so unique with so many factors playing into how this goes for us...many we do not even understand.

We make our decisions the best we can with the information and options we have available to us in this.  It is all grey, in my opinion...and, we look at all the grey and try our best to make a black and white decision within it.

I am scared, too.  And, we all look for evidence that we will heal and make it through this, and there is sooo much out there, and we always feel we will be the one that will not heal...not make it through.  As they say...that in and of itself is a symptom.  I just want you to know that someone who has not CT'd is feeling exactly as you are.  You are not alone.

Wishing you so much healing.

Warmly,

F  

Thank you, Faith. I've been scouring the Success Stories, desperate for a same case like me.

I know people are different and some suffer more whether CT/taper/longterm/shortterm/lowdose/highdose. Nobody can tell. I hope people don't misunderstand that I downplay the suffering of those who tapered, far from it. 

It's just the existence of the finish line that I cannot see for someone like me who droppped 3 years of 3 drugs cold turkey at the same time. Just because I don't see a success story who had my case. It messes with me. 

Must be a sign from God that a person with username Faith is replying to me. I have nothing to cling on but faith. 

I pray we all heal completely, permanently and speedily. 🙏

Edited July 25, 2023 by [Tr...]
Added stuff

[[Ha...]]

9 hours ago, [[T...] said:

You are so strong. I pray you heal. I selfishly need proof that healing exists.

I am super scared. I pray we heal.

Because of suffering from CT 3 meds at the same time, I too was prescribed mirtazapine (almost a month) and some more alprazolam as needed, then abilify (3days). Just horrible reaction to all. My mom sees my suffering and keeps asking I try some more medicines. 

I am just 89 days off all the brain drugs. I don't know if I can survive 1 more day. 

You are so strong. 

I know it feels like you can't go on, and it's a scary thought that you won't heal, but you will. I'm so much better than I was. It's not been easy, I'm not going to lie. But you can do it, 1 day at a time, 1 minute or 1 second at a time if needed. You've just got to get those days behind you, however you can.

 

As you've found out, trying different meds at this time rarely works out well for people. Your CNS is in a very fragile state at the moment. It's had hell of a shock from the CT's. Doctors unfortunately don't understand this (most anyway). I kept saying I couldn't take anything, but was just told I was just scared. NOT true, they almost killed me. It's recommended on surviving antidepressants to take a tiny fraction of a normal dose. I can't remember off the top of my head exactly, maybe 1/16? But even then after 3 CT's you're probably more sensitive than most who taper, then try to reinstate. My mum is the same, can't understand why I don't take any meds, and can't believe there's nothing that can be done. Most people are led to believe that there's a pill for every ill, which is possibly why we found ourselves here. I've definitely learnt that's not the case.

 

You're still very early off, slowly but surely you'll start to see improvement. You'll make it xx