1 year out - terrible wave (help)

[[am...]]

Hi,

I haven't posted here much but I'm in need of some support. I'm one year out from my Valium withdrawal. Stopped cold turkey, no taper, after 2 years use last July/August. I was slowly getting better after 6-7 months of unrelenting DP/DR, burning pain, cog fog, tremours, toxic naps. the list goes one. Months 8, 9, 10 were a little bit better. Much less DP/DR, and the pain had let up. But now I feel like I'm almost back in acute, especially mentally. I'm severely depressed, can barely get up and walk around my apartment - I've also had s*icidal thoughts, and had to call the crisis line at my local hospital a few days ago because of this. Now I'm in a 12 week outpatient program, but I doubt it'll work. My depression feels so chemical. Other symtoms I've been having are: everything looks not real to me and I feel like I'm slipping away again, I have a pounding headache and wake up confused and dazed no matter how much I sleep. I've been on Mirtazapine 7.5mg since 2019, long before being put on benzos and I've stayed steady with it pretty much this whole time, so I doubt it's related. I work as a graphic designer, and my workload has been kind of heavy but nothing I couldn't get through, and usually I'm fine with it. I just feel so bad all over again and I don't know what to do. I'm losing hope I'll ever get better. It's my birthday this week and I'm turning 26th on the 29th. I'm just so scared of it all getting bad again. I feel like I'm losing my twenties to these horrible pills I've already been off for a year. Any tips from people who had a wave at the 1 year mark would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks guys,

 

Amber 

[[ma...]]

 

Hi Amber

Cold turkey is nearly always a rough ride, but it will get better eventually.  Look how far you've come, you will get through this.  Recovery is up and down and it can get worse before it gets better, but remember its temporary, you will recover from this ordeal. Try and distract the best you can, walking, listen to music, find something you like doing.  Do you have a hobby, if not find something you like doing, try anything that will take your mind away from the symptoms.

At 12 months I felt dreadful, at 18 months I felt wonderful.  I know 12 months is a long time when you’re suffering, remind yourself this is a temporary situation. I promise a few months further, you will see improvements.

Magrita