Dysphoria

[[Ma...]]

The gift that keeps on giving…is anyone else experiencing this? Can someone please assure me this does go away? I feel like it’s less of a symptom then a way of life…

[[Fa...]]

Hi Mary,

Internal dysphoria?  Agitation, restlessness...is that what you are speaking of?  Sorry...can't even see your signature for some insight.

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Well, yes, but also hopeless, worthless, guilty; loss of interest in everything 😥

[[Fa...]]

Hi Mary,

I don't know if you are still tapering or off now.  I miss the signature area.

I am still tapering, and I have all the feelings you are experiencing including internal dysphoria.

I hope other members join in, too.  For me, it is a temporary way of life while tapering, and quite possibly while recovering, because of the lens we are viewing life through during this.  I cannot speak for recovery right now...but, if you are recovering, it is also temporary.  It is/was the drug that has caused this...but, it will not always be this way.  It is not your 'new' way of life.  A friend of mine always reminds me that things feel so eternal while we are in this space...but, they are not.  It is that saying 'state drives story' that we have all heard.  Those feelings/thoughts are a lie regardless of how real they feel.  And, we beat ourselves up so much as we are down...which is really sad.  Our thoughts fire at us only focusing on our past in a distorted way, our present through distortion and our future.  I mean, there are endless things for our brain to grab onto not even including 'possible scenarios' that are not grounded in reality, either.  And, this is a symptom...absolutely...not a new way of life.

I do hope that someone who has traveled this road will come in and tell you that yes, this goes away.  Regardless of whether still tapering or in recovery, it is temporary and not the new you.

Warmly,

F 

 

[[dj...]]

1 hour ago, [[M...] said:

Well, yes, but also hopeless, worthless, guilty; loss of interest in everything 😥

It is a symptom, as well as a way of life.  Lots of people here experience anhedonia, loss of emotions, and dysphoria.  It’s like no matter what we do, we can’t get those pleasure centers of the brain activated.  So there is a VERY LARGE chemical component to it.  Guilt, shame, etc come with it.  Probably rooted in the underlying fear caused by the benzos as well.  
 

Then there is the general dysphoria caused by this wreaking havoc on our lives and not being able to it experience it like we used to. 
 

This all goes away in time from what a I’ve read and heard.  As the brain and body heals, we start feeling better and it naturally comes back. 

[[St...]]

I've been rather stuck in this for my whole taper.  The cuts are hitting me harder now, and I think I am going to go ahead and make one more cut from .12mg clonazepam and be done to allow some real healing to occur.  I've been at this taper for almost a year and even if it gets worse before it gets better I need some relief.  It is hard to believe this is all from the benzo and the only way to prove that is to be completely free of it and find out.  I have generally called this feeling depression, but you are right.  It is also agitation, frustration, gloom and doom that feels like is all there is.  I have the guilt, regret, beat myself up all the time over basically my entire life!  I've always been hard on myself but this is next level.  

[[Ma...]]

Thanks guys-you’ve given me hope. Hope that I will live again, hopefully sooner rather then later.

[[Ga...]]

On 7/8/2023 at 6:14 AM, [[b...] said:

"44" Months off today, time is such a healer, maybe not completely healed, but that is OK, not being on Valium is the most important thing. Yes I had to taper three times and the first two to 0 and the wd was so horrible, I just could not continue, and with a threat of stroke, it made it a no brainer to reinstate. I did twice, but when I did I did not go back to the dose I started with, I lowered it, and went off from there. TBH the third taper was going to be my last...I said to myself if you don't get off this time and stay off...it will be the last taper and I will stay on the Valium. Thankfully with the healing I had with reinstating and taking time before I started the third taper and a better way of tapering. I was able to gently walk off...after many years, most would not want to take the time, but I was lucky, because my Doc was on board with my way of tapering and speed. Also I had to change the way that I was just focusing on myself and I decided to give to others and support them, having a blog and some other active threads I started gave me purpose, I had no time to dwell on how I felt and after awhile, my taper was second to giving to others.

 

I read about buddies having windows and how good it felt while tapering...I never had a window, well once for about 5 minutes I felt really good...but it was maybe a look into the future and not a window. For me it was more important to keep busy and be surrounded by friends here that was going through the same things I was. And when I really felt punk, I would give more to others, and during those times the sx went down. Now I know that many can not do that, as they are flat on their backs, but I believe that we have to pull ourselves up during bad times, even if it is doing very little. I have friends here that were also bed bound, but they never lost their will to fight and do a little bit as they could, and now they are living a better life and on the way to being healed.

 

Everyday, I read posts and want to respond and sometimes I do....but have found that when I do, the poster does not respond, even a few words or a emoji would do. But nothing, and it is not just me, I see many posters that just go on to another subject. I do not know about you, but when this happens I shake my head and think "OK I know they are miserable, but even in this plethora of sx, can they think of someone else and the time they took to answer their cry" so if you wonder after all this time on BB, you do not see me posting much, that is one of the biggest reasons. And never forget that you are not the only one in the misery boat, everyone here has been through hard times too, and when buddies read your posts and you do not respond to your posters...well please do not cripe. I am so over it!! Sorry sometimes I just need to vent. I am blessed and grateful to those who walk beside me and for this Forum. Stay Strong everyone.💖Peace and Healing to All💦

"Dios es mi fuerza."~Begood

 

 

"When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."~AU.

 

"Most Powerful Warriors Are Patience And Time"~Leo Tolstoy

 

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".~Reinhold Niebuhr

 

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist".~Friedrich Nietzsche

 

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

Helen Keller.

 

[[Ga...]]

Begood, I just wanted to say I have been a long time “fan” of yours and and have witnessed your constant support of so many.  I pray you continue to heal and that others will come to appreciate the truly wonderful person you are.

[[be...]]

Oh you are so sweet, I can say the same about you, I follow your posts all the time. Right now I am just trying to get around the new site. Thanks again. I hope they have my Words to Lighten the Day up soon, so I can post. Oh well...progress. Stay Strong.💖Peace and Healing💦

[[be...]]

Oh dear, did I post this right, this was meant for Gardenguru

[[Pa...]]

4 minutes ago, [[b...] said:

Oh dear, did I post this right, this was meant for Gardenguru

You can still use quote if you'd like. 

[[be...]]

5 hours ago, [[G...] said:

Begood, I just wanted to say I have been a long time “fan” of yours and and have witnessed your constant support of so many.  I pray you continue to heal and that others will come to appreciate the truly wonderful person you are.

 

 

Oh you are so sweet, I can say the same about you, I follow your posts all the time. Right now I am just trying to get around the new site. Thanks again. I hope they have my Words to Lighten the Day up soon, so I can post. Oh well...progress. Stay Strong.💖Peace and Healing💦

 

[[no...]]

17 hours ago, [[S...] said:

I've been rather stuck in this for my whole taper.  The cuts are hitting me harder now, and I think I am going to go ahead and make one more cut from .12mg clonazepam and be done to allow some real healing to occur.  I've been at this taper for almost a year and even if it gets worse before it gets better I need some relief.  It is hard to believe this is all from the benzo and the only way to prove that is to be completely free of it and find out.  I have generally called this feeling depression, but you are right.  It is also agitation, frustration, gloom and doom that feels like is all there is.  I have the guilt, regret, beat myself up all the time over basically my entire life!  I've always been hard on myself but this is next level.  

Tell me about it it's unreal x