A few words

[[Ho...]]

Yes. Not only is it possible it's completely true and by design. I can't expect people in my life to understand and I don't except them too. The thing is, to tell someone you're going through withdrawal sounds so frightening. It sounds more frightening to someone who has no clue, than it actually is. I don't need to worry anyone like that. It's not necessary for my recovery and healing.

 

I have support from my boyfriend and from this site and from my own inner strength and that's enough. That's all I need and if I need more in the future, I'll get more.

 

I'd like to point out that my positive attitude comes from years of therapy. I was deeply depressed in 1995 and was actually hospitalized for it. I was mess of severe clinical depression and anxiety. It took me a long time to find an answer and the answer was therapy....lots and lots of therapy. The major type of therapy I had was Cognitive Behavioral Therapy...which I would highly recommend for anyone who can find it while going through withdrawals. It's what keeps me grounded. When I'm having scary sensations I can make a choice to scare myself with wild worst case scenario predictions or I can choose to tell myself that this is just my brain rewiring itself and this will pass.

 

Being positive isn't something that comes naturally to me. It's a learned behaviour after years and year of practicing. I still run into trouble now and then. But I also feel that there are enough horror stories about withdrawals. I don't want to add to that horror because the truth is, nothing horrible is going to happen except for feeling bad...and no one ever died from feeling bad. It's about perspective and if I can help someone see this with a different perspective, that helps me.

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Welness,

 

I had not noticed your reply...

 

Comment se fait il que tu parles français?

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Hope,

 

I do not know where Chapleau is ( I could google map it )

 

My father had 10 sisters and brother, he is now slowly fading into Alzheimer disease but my mother who is 83 is as sharp as a young person.

 

You have "experience" with depression, not me, the first time I ever felt depressed was after I ahd been on xanax for about a year.

 

Back then I did not know it was mostly the xanax ... I realize we have some control and a few bad events in my life played a role, but in my case it was mostly withdrawal from xanax that I was going trough everyday , I took it only at night to sleep , then the next day would go trough withdrawal, it is all clear to me now but back then I did not know what was happening to me ...

 

 

[[Ho...]]

It's in Northern Ontario, CdnFriend.

 

I understand what you mean about how it's clear to you now. When I went through withdrawals to get off the antidepressant (aren't meds swell?) I didn't understand what was happening. I didn't understand why I was still having the same symptoms a year later (not every day but every so often). It wasn't until I found this site that it all became clear to me.

 

I haven't found clonazapam has caused me to feel depressed. I guess I'm lucky because many people do find they get depressed on benzos. I just wante to get off them. I don't want to depend on a pill when things start feeling rough. I want to depend on myself.

 

These meds are prescribed by doctors who don't seem to understand how they work. From what I've read having a bottle of 30 lorazapam or clonazapam should last a very long time. Meaning that either they should be taken for a couple of weeks if something horrible happens or used for extreme anxiety a few times a month. Doctors give them out like candy for years and years. The doctor that I was seeing had been giving me lorazapam for 5 years. No questions asked. Just bottle after bottle.

 

We are all so much better off not taking these drugs. It seems like an answer when you are first prescribed them but eventually it becomes a burden....at least is has for me. I want freedom from drugs. I want to feel again. I don't want to wash every unpleasant feeling down with a pill.

 

The issue of sleep is a different one. It's hard to get around. My mother is a hard core insomniac. She literally doesn't sleep..or if she does it's just for a few hours now and then. She tells me she feels like a walking zombie. She takes a sleeping pill once a week just to try to get some relief.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your father. I know about Alzheimer disease and it's horrible for the family. I wish you and your family well with this challenge.

[[Ca...]]

I am a bit like your mother, I have terrible insomnia.

 

If I do not take anything to help me sleep I may only get an hour of sleep...then the next night I will get maybe 2 or 3 hours, even with medication I rarely sleep more than 5 hours.

 

but even though insomnia has been a serious problem for most of my life it never made me depressed or gave me anxiety or panic attacks...only xanax has caused me these problems...but at this point I am probably repeating myself...

 

I'm sorry if I am so active on this board but it helps me, and I realize i am a bit needy right now but it is the withdrawal symptoms, I'm not usually like this.

 

I also have lots of free time , I realize not everyone has that much free time to comment on a forum...

 

it is nice to be able to share with people who are going trough a similar situation...

 

 

[[Ho...]]

You needn't apologize for anything. If these boards help you then use them. That's why they are here. And it's natural to feel needy when you're not feeling well so give yourself a break.

 

I agree, it's invaluable to have people to share this with.

 

No more apologizes.

 

 

Hope

[[Ca...]]

I tend to apologize a lot, that is not the withdrawal symptoms...lol

 

I had two "episodes" today but I am ok now

 

Tomorrow is another day...

 

 

[[Ho...]]

Hope tomorrow is s better day.

[[we...]]

je suis ne au quebec, je suis en ontario maintenant.  a plus.

[[Mi...]]

bonjour,

ca fait 4 1/2 mois que j'ai fini de prendre de l'ativan, et mon sommeil est tres perturbe.  C'est normal de ne pas se sentir tres bien apres avois pris des benzos, malheureusement, et le retablissement est tres lent.  Bienvenue a benzo buddies.  Il me semble que tu vas assez bien, malgre tout.  Le temps arrange les choses.

 

je suis ne au quebec, je suis en ontario maintenant.  a plus.

 

Wellness,

 

For the benefit of the wider membership, please post in English.  Thanks

[[we...]]

sure

[[Ca...]]

wellness,

 

sorry I got you in trouble ! 

 

it's my fault, I'm the one who mentioned my first language is French.

 

It may seem like I'm doing well (and compared to some people here I guess I am doing well) but actually I find it very dificult.

 

I try to post mostly positive messages but to be honest this morning I felt horrible for a few hours, I had really dark thoughts ( yes even suicide ) then I got a little better... and then this afternoon I began to feel really bad again... enough that it made me cry...

 

on the plus side after crying I feel a little better...

 

I do feel less bad than I did a few weeks ago but this is still a very difficult thing to go trough.

 

Probably the hardest thing I have gone trough...

 

I hope I do not have many months of this ahead of me...

[[Mi...]]

wellness,

 

sorry I got you in trouble ! 

 

Hi, hon.  Not to worry - no one got into trouble.

 

I love the French and Italian language and speak both (albeit not fluently), but it's best to keep posts on the open forum in English.

[[Ca...]]

I know she was not really "in trouble" I was kidding, it was " tongue and cheek" as they say

 

To me every thing sounds nice in Italian!

 

 

 

 

[[Ho...]]

I think you're doing very well CdnFriend. I know it's hard to hang in when things seem so miserable but we must. There is no alternative and soon you will be one of those here who are telling your story to someone just like you. And you'll tell them it was hard but you got through it and came out the other end and now you see the world so much more vividly than before. You'll inspire someone. That's a great reason to hold on.

 

Hope

[[ci...]]

Yes. Not only is it possible it's completely true and by design. I can't expect people in my life to understand and I don't except them too. The thing is, to tell someone you're going through withdrawal sounds so frightening. It sounds more frightening to someone who has no clue, than it actually is. I don't need to worry anyone like that. It's not necessary for my recovery and healing.

 

I have support from my boyfriend and from this site and from my own inner strength and that's enough. That's all I need and if I need more in the future, I'll get more.

 

I'd like to point out that my positive attitude comes from years of therapy. I was deeply depressed in 1995 and was actually hospitalized for it. I was mess of severe clinical depression and anxiety. It took me a long time to find an answer and the answer was therapy....lots and lots of therapy. The major type of therapy I had was Cognitive Behavioral Therapy...which I would highly recommend for anyone who can find it while going through withdrawals. It's what keeps me grounded. When I'm having scary sensations I can make a choice to scare myself with wild worst case scenario predictions or I can choose to tell myself that this is just my brain rewiring itself and this will pass.

 

Being positive isn't something that comes naturally to me. It's a learned behaviour after years and year of practicing. I still run into trouble now and then. But I also feel that there are enough horror stories about withdrawals. I don't want to add to that horror because the truth is, nothing horrible is going to happen except for feeling bad...and no one ever died from feeling bad. It's about perspective and if I can help someone see this with a different perspective, that helps me.

 

I would like to hear more about the CBT you underwent.  I too was a mess of clinical depression and anxiety before I ever got on any kind of meds.  I come from a long line of depressed/nervous family members and am acutely aware of my need to change the way I think about life and myself.  Feel free to PM me if you would like.

 

Thank you so much,

Cindy

 

 

[[Ho...]]

I can go ya one better. There is an online course of CBT. It might give you some insight.

 

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

 

Otherwise, I can recommend a book called "Feeling Good" by David D. Burns, M.D

 

Both of these should give you some good insight to the power of CBT. If you prefer something more one on one I'd suggest you ask your doctor for a therapist who specializes in CBT.

 

It's not really something I can explain here. It's as complex at our thought patterns are. The book I suggested takes you through it very slowly. In fact, many therapists have their clients read it.

 

Let me stress this....This is not about positive thinking. This is about realistic thinking. For instance, you might think to yourself: "I'm never going to feel well again."  The more realistic thinking for that is: "Never is a long time and I've read on BB that everyone heals eventually so I probably will feel better but it might just take a while."

 

By thinking the first thought you can imagine how that thought would frighten you and cause you a lot of stress and anxiety. The second thought is much more realistic and wont cause the same fear/anxiety.

 

Thoughts beget emotions. Our thoughts can calm us or frighten us.

 

It takes a while to learn how to change the way you think and by doing so change the way you feel but it is well worth it.

 

I hope that helps.

 

I read this somewhere here on BB: A thought is harmless unless you believe it.