The Long Hold Support Group

[[fr...]]

Yes thanks to all for the support.  :smitten:

[[Tr...]]

This group moved fast today! So many pages to catch up on.

 

Trish, my dad was an alcoholic so I know how hard it is to watch someone you care about go through that. He finally stopped drinking I think in his 60s, so hopefully found some piece before he passed, but it was not a great time growing up with that. I definitely agree that he should not see your therapist and that I would hope your therapist would agree.

 

Stut, many pages back you asked if I took the job. I did! I am second guessing myself now--lack of confidence due to the benzo mess--but I know it's do-able, it is a big raise, and so much closer to home. I negotiated for a higher salary, which means that since Sept. 2014 my salary will have gone up 50 percent! I need to celebrate that. Money is not everything but the past four years have been among the most difficult of my life, with all that I have had on my plate, and I have still managed to be professionally successful. I have not resigned yet but need to do so tomorrow.

 

Stut, you are always telling me I am not giving myself enough credit, so today I am patting myself on the back and I need to constantly remind myself that I am doing okay. Not great, but I am managing well enough and for now that needs to be enough. I wish I were great but in all honestly I couldn't even name people from "real life" who are doing great.

 

I saw my gastro yesterday who again suggested a PPI as he thinks the nausea could possibly be from reflux. I am against PPIs for the most part but I tried taking it last night, which is when he suggested I take it, and I woke up today with no nausea. Maybe a placebo effect, but maybe I am having reflux. He is going to test me for gastroparesis, which is a fairly common benzo withdrawal diagnosis. I am feeling somewhat hopeful today. I feel like if I could just have a few days in a row of no nausea, I could get in a better place.

 

Hope everyone has a good night and for those who are sleeping now, have a great Wednesday.

NJ,

Earlier this year back in January I had to get all kinds of tests I was suffering severe nausea and I went to a gastro Dr and had to get an upper endoscopy and colonoscopy, he found nothing but a couple of fundic polyps.I was diagnosed with gastric dyspepsia, pretty similar to your diagnoses, also my mother had gadtroparesis and she never took a benzodiazepine. I had never used ppi's before but after all those tests I was put on nexium and it worked like a charm! I stayed on them for a few months and haven't taken them in a long while. So if I were you I'd stay on them for awhile , I think you'll find they really do help!

 

I'm sorry about your dad being an alcoholic mine was too and life was hard growing up with that,  sadly, my son is also. My son saw the Dr my daughter in law works for yesterday and he put him on drug called Antabuse and increased his anti depressant. He is considering therapy, but it won't be with my therapist ,and AA.

 

I hope you feel better,

Trish

[[Tr...]]

Good morning Begood Cant Heath Mary SS TMB Green Trish lntend Gard Miyu Olive Laura Bluepill and all buddies here sending you my love and support hopefully today will be a good one.

  Love Stut and Mary X

  You thought l missed that Mary lol.

Good morning Stut,

Hoping for a better day, yesterday was rough! Thank you as always for your support.

Wishing you and all the buddies a peaceful day!

Hugs,

Trish

 

[[Tr...]]

Just want to throw a big HUG out there to ALL who came to my rescue yesterday when I was falling apart over my son. I couldn't ask for better support than what I get from all of you here!!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

Much love to all of you!!

Trish :smitten:

[[Ma...]]

Good morning Begood Cant Heath Mary SS TMB Green Trish lntend Gard Miyu Olive Laura Bluepill and all buddies here sending you my love and support hopefully today will be a good one.

  Love Stut and Mary X

  You thought l missed that Mary lol.

 

I'm bad . But in my defense I was running behind for pt.  BUT I LOve ❤️ THIs Morning 's GoodMorning :laugh:

[[ca...]]

For the ones who have experienced long holds and felt better, how long does it take to feel better?

 

Currently under 1.7 mg V and starting to feel things I've never felt before.

 

As much as I want to continue to micro taper, cause from experience I feel better after a week or so.

 

A lot of anxiety has left but feeling a lot of sensations in my neck, head, just things I can't explain.

 

Sometimes I feel like , heck no this can't be withdrawals.

 

If I wasn't taking this  poison and tapering I would be in the doctors office demanding a MRI or something.

 

So a long hold  may help me.... can anyone tell me it will.

 

[[St...]]

Hi Caltn l know what you are saying.When you hold symptoms actually change over time.l put that down to the fact that when you are tapering you are constantly in acute withdrawal.Then when things settle down a bit you taper again.

  I held my taper in January due to a number of reasons and will resume my taper in September l hope.

    Holding takes a lot of patience as you need to allow time for your brain to adjust to all the changes you have made in dose so to see any improvement you will need to hold for at least 3 plus months.

    When we look at stability we don't feel marvelous it means that the symptoms are manageable.Everyone is different l had depression which l really needed to lift and it lifted on about the fifth month.

    I still am not feeling great however I know that I can cope with what's ahead and l am learning to accept the symptoms rather than fearing them.l also know what's ahead when l do get off these drugs so l am prepared for that as well.

  I hope that has helped you a bit.

    Love Stut X

[[bl...]]

Morning, buddies!

 

Caltn: I agree with Stut, as usual. S/x can be so weird. Last two days I had chills--IN MY SCALP! Like patches of tingly, passing chills. Very odd--I'd have already booked an MRI in the past now as well---but, honestly--after all the doctors I've been to last 3 years--either I don't want to know, or I don't want to go! Hoping just w/d. Hang in there.

[[In...]]

Good morning to all of you.

 

I just read back like NJ did, and this thread does move fast!

 

Looks like everyone has so much in common here other than benzos. Trish I read your request for help about the therapist situation, and wanted to give advice as that’s what my work was for many years. Saw such good advice already being given, and hubby was pressuring me to take him to a fencing company so I had to rush and log off. You got great advice as I read back.

 

I had a couple of therapists myself for this benzo situation. The first one was a man who did not “stay in his lane,” and advised detox. So I had to “school him” on benzos and explain how proportionally speaking, clonazepam is 20 times stronger than Valium per mg. and did he get that part? He just sat kinda dumbfounded and did not know what to say. After that, I told pdoc that he was a no go for me. My next one was a great person who is concerned and caring and never strayed into medication issues unless I wanted to discuss that. But we often ended up talking about her problems until I eventually became her therapist. Then, pdoc left the group practice, and pdoc that took her place is so good, open minded, gets it all, is therapy trained also, that it seems it’s all there is one person.

 

And as far as alcoholism, both my parents were alcoholics so I do totally understand that. Never stopped drinking, both refused to get help, so my brothers and I just did our best to survive. And we did survive, but it was hard. Would never want to go through that either.

 

Too much about me here, but just saw so much commonality, I had to comment.

[[es...]]

I hope I did the right thing. My K was cut by almost 1/3 by day 56. The error was in the first cut which I held four weeks, was doing well, but 10%of remaining dose each week for 5 weeks after, and then hit the wall. I have held for almost four weeks and am still debilitated. My husband persuaded me to updose 10% because I was so anxious and depressed and we have a difficult situation with my daughter’s husband. She and the kids are with us now and I want to hold up for them. I don’t know yet if it will help or not. I don’t plan to go back up anymore, unless life forces me to do so. I also will not cut again for a long time. I welcome input. I read some of the post withdrawal stories and can’t look at them again. So terrifying. I am afraid that will be me.  Blue Pilll, scalp sensations have happened with me. I thought my head was on fire one day. It passed. So many weird side effects with this stuff. Hugs to all, Esperanza

[[St...]]

Esperanza you have done what you needed to do.There are loads of people that have had to adjust their dose.Now just give yourself time.This won't be rushed it takes as long as it takes and sadly that is the truth.

  Just take it a day at a time and don't expect too much too soon.

    Love Stut X

[[bl...]]

esperanza:

If you need to updose to get get back to where you are feeling ok, and then taper more slowly, I don't think that's a terrible thing to do. It's important that you are feeling alright. I updosed when I crossed over from k to valium and I felt great--it gave me the reassurance that much of this is benzos and not a disease---i was able to taper very slowly from that point and did just fine until 3. Things got rocky after that point but, aside from cold hands, most s/x come and go now.

[[In...]]

Yep,

 

These w/d sx sure do wax and wane. I’m having the same problem myself. Still using the Sandoz clonazepam, and since I started tapering it (after a Hold of 5 months), I’m getting wax and wane of “strangling” type sx in my throat. I’m the one with that rare disorder called idiopathic subglottic stenosis and had lots of surgeries on my trachea.

 

So I’ve identified 2 triggers for it. One is using my voice too much close to bedtime and then I get up with that sensation. The other is just simply taking a shower with normal temperature type water. That one will usually “die down” after awhile if I just take it easy for an hour or so. But who knows what’s happening today because I didn’t do much talking last night at all. And my throat feels tight as I write this.

 

It’s all brain involved for sure. And getting off is the best remedy for sure. I’m like bluepill in that I’ve seen so many doctors, I just don’t want to see anymore either. I’m just hanging in here myself.

 

 

[[Ca...]]

I hope I did the right thing. My K was cut by almost 1/3 by day 56. The error was in the first cut which I held four weeks, was doing well, but 10%of remaining dose each week for 5 weeks after, and then hit the wall. I have held for almost four weeks and am still debilitated. My husband persuaded me to updose 10% because I was so anxious and depressed and we have a difficult situation with my daughter’s husband. She and the kids are with us now and I want to hold up for them. I don’t know yet if it will help or not. I don’t plan to go back up anymore, unless life forces me to do so. I also will not cut again for a long time. I welcome input. I read some of the post withdrawal stories and can’t look at them again. So terrifying. I am afraid that will be me.  Blue Pilll, scalp sensations have happened with me. I thought my head was on fire one day. It passed. So many weird side effects with this stuff. Hugs to all, Esperanza

Hi Esp..

Sounds like you are on the right track to me... See how the updose goes an give it time, if you can...

Just manage stress events as gently as possible, rest and self care... Calm is your friend...

This could be harder with your added guests, just do your best..

 

[[St...]]

Intend l know you have a disorder but it could be muscular l get a lot of tightness in my throat area.

  As for doctors l can't be bothered l leave them alone and they leave me alone.

    Love Stut X

[[Tr...]]

Good morning to all of you.

 

I just read back like NJ did, and this thread does move fast!

 

Looks like everyone has so much in common here other than benzos. Trish I read your request for help about the therapist situation, and wanted to give advice as that’s what my work was for many years. Saw such good advice already being given, and hubby was pressuring me to take him to a fencing company so I had to rush and log off. You got great advice as I read back.

 

I had a couple of therapists myself for this benzo situation. The first one was a man who did not “stay in his lane,” and advised detox. So I had to “school him” on benzos and explain how proportionally speaking, clonazepam is 20 times stronger than Valium per mg. and did he get that part? He just sat kinda dumbfounded and did not know what to say. After that, I told pdoc that he was a no go for me. My next one was a great person who is concerned and caring and never strayed into medication issues unless I wanted to discuss that. But we often ended up talking about her problems until I eventually became her therapist. Then, pdoc left the group practice, and pdoc that took her place is so good, open minded, gets it all, is therapy trained also, that it seems it’s all there is one person.

 

And as far as alcoholism, both my parents were alcoholics so I do totally understand that. Never stopped drinking, both refused to get help, so my brothers and I just did our best to survive. And we did survive, but it was hard. Would never want to go through that either.

 

Too much about me here, but just saw so much commonality, I had to comment.

Thanks Intend for weighing in I appreciate it. Also thanks for sharing some personal information, I'm a bit of an open book..I wear my heart out on my sleeve.. You'll know my whole life story before long lol!! I can relate to what your home life was probably like, my sister's and I did the best we could too with our father being an alcoholic.. It wasn't pleasant and that's an understatement. The whole therapist thing can be tricky, if my therapist starts telling me her problems I'm out the door!! Unbelievable that you had an experience like that where you became your therapists sounding board! Trying to find the right help and GOOD help can be difficult for sure. I'm glad you have everything you need now "all in one person" I wish I could get that..

Hugs,

Trish

[[es...]]

Thank you Stut, Intend, Can’t, Blue Pill, I feel more reassured now, I don’t really know if it will help my depression(I just don’t want to move), but might take edge off anxiety. I would have had to go up a lot to make a real difference and it may have been a temporary fix due to my tolerance prior to taper. My mind and body were withdrawing for a long time. While I waved the red flag and my doctor didn’t see it. K has been damaging me for years. But, I am taking back my life. It may be a long road, but I have to. Thanks to you all so very much,Esperanza

[[In...]]

Stut,

 

It is muscular, but also brain involved because my ability to speak is almost gone. My vocal cords are in different place in my trachea from surgeries and my voice changed when that happened. The clonazepam just made it change more. And with each switch of generic, it’s changed more. There’s a part of the brain called Broca’s area and another one called Wernicke’s loop that are tied in with speech. So it’s a muscular issue in that the nerves from the brain controlling the vocal chords are attached to muscles on the vocal cords outer edges. Whew! Way too complex for me. Never learned this much about my disorder before. Thank goodness for good old google!

 

Just got to get off this benzo is the basic answer for me.

 

 

[[Tr...]]

For the ones who have experienced long holds and felt better, how long does it take to feel better?

 

Currently under 1.7 mg V and starting to feel things I've never felt before.

 

As much as I want to continue to micro taper, cause from experience I feel better after a week or so.

 

A lot of anxiety has left but feeling a lot of sensations in my neck, head, just things I can't explain.

 

Sometimes I feel like , heck no this can't be withdrawals.

 

If I wasn't taking this  poison and tapering I would be in the doctors office demanding a MRI or something.

 

So a long hold  may help me.... can anyone tell me it will.

caltn,

I take Xanax and started to taper on May 23rd of this year. I've been holding since june12th and I don't plan on tapering until January of next year for various reasons. I came to BB looking for help. I was sick and scared and traumatized. I received a lot of help and support with this group. I am convinced that long holds are the way to go. Stut and the rest of this group are very giving ,knowledgeable and wise with advice, listen to them as I can attest they have helped me immensely!! I can also tell you in my short experience thus far with withdrawal I have many sensations! I get tingly/needles and pins sensations all along my scalp, I also get them running up my legs from time to time mostly in one calf but can be anywhere on my legs. I chalk it all up to withdrawal sx as I didn't have these sensations prior to my taper.

I wish you the best of luck.. It's not an easy road to walk I know, but you don't have to do it alone.

Stay strong,

Trish

[[In...]]

Trish,

 

I’m an open book also. My post are often so long, they make my eyes glaze over!

 

I break them up into lines/paragraphs so they’re more “readable” but I still get glazed myself. Can only imagine what others do when they see my writing. Probably making up for inability to speak much.

 

It was strange with the therapist situation. At same time last year, the pdoc and primary care doc both became hospitalists (doing only inpatient). And hubby and I searched for new ones. Turned out the pdoc was right there in same practice, and is great.

 

Hubby sees him for head injury, and I see him for benzo. It’s not a conflict cause it is a family issue. First pdoc from way back also wanted to see both as object with head injuries is to hold family together. Doc wants me in there to help my hubby and me stay together as permanent head injuries are hard on families. But my hubby doesn’t want to be in room when I see doc for myself. Our appts are not even on same schedule.

[[St...]]

It definitely will help intend.You definitely have a lot to deal with.Head injury definitely effects everyone not just your husband.l hope you get the help you both need.Life is just really hard sometimes.

    Love Stut X

[[In...]]

Esperanza,

 

Yep, everybody here is so great and knowledgeable that it sure helps. I got up just a bit later this morning, and this is the first place I come to. I need the calming attitude that people here have.

 

I’m calm myself usually, but sometimes these sx just “uncalm” me and kinda scare me. And then I see the same “stuff” in others, and that really helps.

[[In...]]

Stut,

 

You are wise, and you are right.

[[ca...]]

When I first started my taper I  did have a CT Scan and had a MRI about 3 years ago, so when I started having a lot of headaches my neuro doctor confirmed I need not worry that many of the things I was having is in fact withdrawals.

 

This poison causes so many sxs that sometimes we have doubts I know.

 

Thanks guys for your advice on holding.

[[To...]]

Good morning Begood Cant Heath Mary SS TMB Green Trish lntend Gard Miyu Olive Laura Bluepill and all buddies here sending you my love and support hopefully today will be a good one.

  Love Stut and Mary X

  You thought l missed that Mary lol.

Thank you Stut - to you as well...