The Long Hold Support Group

[[St...]]

Hi Trish I suppose it doesn't really matter l suspect perhaps in the United states they have therapists who specialise in addiction etc which would probably be a better fit for your son.

    If your son is in recovery would AA not be more suited to his needs.l would sit down with your daughter in law and be totally honest with her.Help her find another therapist perhaps one that is more suited to your son's needs.lf push comes to shove ask your therapist for suggestions.

  I hope he gets the help he needs.l feel for you Trish it is so hard to watch your child suffer.

      Love Stut X

    Trish I have just read your post yes l would agree it could stifle you both.Hang in there.

[[Tr...]]

Thank you so much stut,

I value your advice!!  It's always good advice. I was too worked up to think straight, thank you for being there! I will discuss all of what you suggested to me with her. He needs a "different kind of help" then me.

 

My poor son  started drinking when my niece died Of cancer10 yrs ago. They were close in age and he turned to alcohol to cope and ever since he can't seem to stop. Alcoholism runs in the family, it's heart breaking to watch.

 

Thanks again Stut...for everything,

Trish

 

[[ga...]]

I have a problem and need some advice.. I'm trying to explain to my daughter in law that it's not a good idea for my son who is battling alcoholism.. (I have tons of stress right now) and me to see the same therapist! She thinks it's ok!! But I don't like it, does anyone here have any advice on how to explain to her that he should have someone separate from me??

 

Trish, Is this your therapist that your DIL wants your son to go to? If so, I would talk to your therapist about how uncomfortable it makes you. I would bet he/she would then decline to see your son. That would solve it.

 

Gard

[[es...]]

Tristy, AA saved my brother’s life  25 years sober.  Counseling is also a great support. What does your therapist think about seeing you both? Is it a problem for her/him?  I am sure she has assured you of confidentiality. Most therapists do not like to treat family members, but I am sure there are exceptions. What matters, is that everyone is comfortable. There is one advantage in sharing a therapist with a family member. Therapists can be very good or not so good. At least your son would have someone who you knew was good. The wrong therapist can be a real disaster for a vulnerable person. Perhaps, if he needs someone else, your therapist would have a recommendation?  Does he have an AA sponsor?  AA is so much like b.b.  They support each other well, because they”get it”, just like we do here. My brain is so fuzzy, I hope this made sense. Esperanza

[[Tr...]]

Hi Gard ,

That's very true, she would not see him if it made me uncomfortable especially if I told her why it would be!

Thank you so much for the advice, I'm having a tough go of it today, not much sleep and then the kids frazzled me with all this!

Thank you for the support, it's always appreciated

Trish

 

[[St...]]

Trish I feel for you l really do l know it's soul destroying to watch your child suffer and not be able to fix it however this therapy is for you and what you need.l know it goes against your mothering nature to put your needs first however this is something you need to do.There are any number of therapists out there who can and will help your son.

    Trish we are all here for you.

      Love Stut X

[[es...]]

Like I said my brain is fuzzy, I was thinking he was already in AA. Is it possible your daughter-in-law might think using your therapist would be the best way to get him in? We had a similar situation in our family and my son-in-law would only go to someone who had been recommended by family or friends. If it makes your therapy uncomfortable to have him see your therapist, that is not good for you. I imagine the therapist would discourage it. So hard, I know a little about what you are feeling. But it is not my daughter, it is her husband. I love him, but it is not the same as my child. I know you are suffering yourself, but are dedicated to your family and taking on their pain, as well. You have my admiration. Mothers are strong! Holding you in y heart, Esperanza

[[Tr...]]

Tristy, AA saved my brother’s life  25 years sober.  Counseling is also a great support. What does your therapist think about seeing you both? Is it a problem for her/him?  I am sure she has assured you of confidentiality. Most therapists do not like to treat family members, but I am sure there are exceptions. What matters, is that everyone is comfortable. There is one advantage in sharing a therapist with a family member. Therapists can be very good or not so good. At least your son would have someone who you knew was good. The wrong therapist can be a real disaster for a vulnerable person. Perhaps, if he needs someone else, your therapist would have a recommendation?  Does he have an AA sponsor?  AA is so much like b.b.  They support each other well, because they”get it”, just like we do here. My brain is so fuzzy, I hope this made sense. Esperanza

 

Hi Esperanza,

Exactly my son needs a different kind of help like AA . My daughter in law thought it might be a good idea for him to see my therapist, I thought not, it would be a conflict and he needs the right kind of help as mentioned above. I am going to sit down with both of them and talk to them about AA. They both know I'll do whatever I can to help him( I've tried for the past 10 yrs) I won't give up on him now or ever!!

 

I hope you're doing well, I've been wondering how you are??

 

Thank you so much for advice.. I'm so lucky to have you and the rest of the buddies!!

 

Heart felt thanks to ALL who came to my rescue!!

 

Much love

Trish

 

[[Tr...]]

Trish I feel for you l really do l know it's soul destroying to watch your child suffer and not be able to fix it however this therapy is for you and what you need.l know it goes against your mothering nature to put your needs first however this is something you need to do.There are any number of therapists out there who can and will help your son.

    Trish we are all here for you.

      Love Stut X

 

you nailed it stut  "soul destroying" is absolutely right.. It's torn me apart for the last decade. I'll keep fighting for him and for me. I'm going to talk with him and my daughter in law about AA..I think that's a good place to start.. Just have to convince him to go.. He's on the shy side but if he thinks one on one therapy will help him then I'll search for therapists who specialize in alcohol addiction.

 

Thanks again for being there Stut... Means everything.

Trish

 

[[Su...]]

I have a problem and need some advice.. I'm trying to explain to my daughter in law that it's not a good idea for my son who is battling alcoholism.. (I have tons of stress right now) and me to see the same therapist! She thinks it's ok!! But I don't like it, does anyone here have any advice on how to explain to her that he should have someone separate from me??

Trishy

A good therapist will set that boundary so that you don’t have to. They should be willing to refer to another colleague. It’s very tricky seeing two members of the same family and a tad unethical— or at least it is consistory be so in Canada.

I would question a therapist who didn’t set such a boundary unless you are being seen together....

And it sounds as though your therapist would have no problem with keeping that boundary. It’s really not good practice

It really is a conversation that can be left to your daughter-in-law and the therapist.  Or that’s how I would handle it..

❤️

Hope that the stresses ease and that your son gets some good help soon...

SS

[[Tr...]]

Hi SS,

I agree 100% .. Perhaps she would have .. Never thought of that. I'm glad to say I've just spoken to my daughter in law and she agrees, we're going to try and get him the right help for his problem whether it be one on one therapy with someone who specialises in alcohol addiction or AA. I'D like to see him give AA a try, I think it's a good place to start.

Thank you SS.. Don't know what I'd do without ALL of you!

Trish

 

[[St...]]

Oh Trish that is great news.Getting help is a good start.Hopefully this is the start of your son's recovery.So happy.

    Love Stut X

[[es...]]

Trishy, AA has what they call Open Meetings. They family can go. If he hasn’t been before it might be a place to start.Esperanza

[[Tr...]]

Oh Trish that is great news.Getting help is a good start.Hopefully this is the start of your son's recovery.So happy.

    Love Stut X

 

I hope so Stut..it's been a long hard road for him and our family..but thank goodness we're all on the same page now..got a bit crazy around here for awhile!

 

No he hasn't been before Esperanza but we will all support him and go with him if that would make him more comfortable about going. My daughter in law is going to talk more about options with him when he gets out of work.

Lots of hugs to you both!!

Trish

[[NJ...]]

This group moved fast today! So many pages to catch up on.

 

Trish, my dad was an alcoholic so I know how hard it is to watch someone you care about go through that. He finally stopped drinking I think in his 60s, so hopefully found some piece before he passed, but it was not a great time growing up with that. I definitely agree that he should not see your therapist and that I would hope your therapist would agree.

 

Stut, many pages back you asked if I took the job. I did! I am second guessing myself now--lack of confidence due to the benzo mess--but I know it's do-able, it is a big raise, and so much closer to home. I negotiated for a higher salary, which means that since Sept. 2014 my salary will have gone up 50 percent! I need to celebrate that. Money is not everything but the past four years have been among the most difficult of my life, with all that I have had on my plate, and I have still managed to be professionally successful. I have not resigned yet but need to do so tomorrow.

 

Stut, you are always telling me I am not giving myself enough credit, so today I am patting myself on the back and I need to constantly remind myself that I am doing okay. Not great, but I am managing well enough and for now that needs to be enough. I wish I were great but in all honestly I couldn't even name people from "real life" who are doing great.

 

I saw my gastro yesterday who again suggested a PPI as he thinks the nausea could possibly be from reflux. I am against PPIs for the most part but I tried taking it last night, which is when he suggested I take it, and I woke up today with no nausea. Maybe a placebo effect, but maybe I am having reflux. He is going to test me for gastroparesis, which is a fairly common benzo withdrawal diagnosis. I am feeling somewhat hopeful today. I feel like if I could just have a few days in a row of no nausea, I could get in a better place.

 

Hope everyone has a good night and for those who are sleeping now, have a great Wednesday.

[[Ma...]]

This group moved fast today! So many pages to catch up on.

 

Trish, my dad was an alcoholic so I know how hard it is to watch someone you care about go through that. He finally stopped drinking I think in his 60s, so hopefully found some piece before he passed, but it was not a great time growing up with that. I definitely agree that he should not see your therapist and that I would hope your therapist would agree.

 

Stut, many pages back you asked if I took the job. I did! I am second guessing myself now--lack of confidence due to the benzo mess--but I know it's do-able, it is a big raise, and so much closer to home. I negotiated for a higher salary, which means that since Sept. 2014 my salary will have gone up 50 percent! I need to celebrate that. Money is not everything but the past four years have been among the most difficult of my life, with all that I have had on my plate, and I have still managed to be professionally successful. I have not resigned yet but need to do so tomorrow.

 

Stut, you are always telling me I am not giving myself enough credit, so today I am patting myself on the back and I need to constantly remind myself that I am doing okay. Not great, but I am managing well enough and for now that needs to be enough. I wish I were great but in all honestly I couldn't even name people from "real life" who are doing great.

 

I saw my gastro yesterday who again suggested a PPI as he thinks the nausea could possibly be from reflux. I am against PPIs for the most part but I tried taking it last night, which is when he suggested I take it, and I woke up today with no nausea. Maybe a placebo effect, but maybe I am having reflux. He is going to test me for gastroparesis, which is a fairly common benzo withdrawal diagnosis. I am feeling somewhat hopeful today. I feel like if I could just have a few days in a row of no nausea, I could get in a better place.

 

Hope everyone has a good night and for those who are sleeping now, have a great Wednesday.

 

That is fabulous for you NJ.......congratulations, benzodiazepines didn't take confidence  :balloon:

[[Su...]]

Hi SS,

I agree 100% .. Perhaps she would have .. Never thought of that. I'm glad to say I've just spoken to my daughter in law and she agrees, we're going to try and get him the right help for his problem whether it be one on one therapy with someone who specialises in alcohol addiction or AA. I'D like to see him give AA a try, I think it's a good place to start.

Thank you SS.. Don't know what I'd do without ALL of you!

Trish

That’s great Trishy

As for AA and please trust that I know what I’m talking about. It helps many people and it isn’t for everyone!

There are other avenues to successfully stopping substance misuse that might be helpful as well.

Getting him to a good therapist who is not hyper focussed on the 12 steps is the first step.

And having family support without enabling is invaluable.....

I hope it all goes very well...

💕💕

SS

[[bl...]]

Go NJ! Congrats!!!!

 

Night buddies....

[[He...]]

I have a problem and need some advice.. I'm trying to explain to my daughter in law that it's not a good idea for my son who is battling alcoholism.. (I have tons of stress right now) and me to see the same therapist! She thinks it's ok!! But I don't like it, does anyone here have any advice on how to explain to her that he should have someone separate from me??

 

Trish, Is this your therapist that your DIL wants your son to go to? If so, I would talk to your therapist about how uncomfortable it makes you. I would bet he/she would then decline to see your son. That would solve it.

 

Gard

 

 

Good thinking Gard!

That’s a ditto from me too!

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Oops, I guess I was kind of late with my reply.

 

Glad Trish has gotten such good advice.

 

And good morning and good night. Seems like I’m ready to go to sleep when I see good morning posts....but then... so what ...I hope the whole day is good for everyone.

 

Heath

[[St...]]

Good morning Begood Cant Heath Mary SS TMB Green Trish lntend Gard Miyu Olive Laura Bluepill and all buddies here sending you my love and support hopefully today will be a good one.

  Love Stut and Mary X

  You thought l missed that Mary lol.

 

[[St...]]

Hi NJ what a result.You are definitely doing more than you think you are.I hope with all my heart this treatment finally gives you the break you deserve.

    Love Stut X

[[Ca...]]

Oops, I guess I was kind of late with my reply.

 

Glad Trish has gotten such good advice.

 

And good morning and good night. Seems like I’m ready to go to sleep when I see good morning posts....but then... so what ...I hope the whole day is good for everyone.

 

Heath

Welcome to my world..!! (Time zones)

 

Hi to Everyone..

 

NJ, -some good news, I hope..!!

And congrats on the job.. Not much slows you, does it..!!

 

Still a bit rough here, end of day 3.. hoping the tide will turn tomorrow... Flu, and increased SX cycling...

C15 is still moaning and groaning, and getting around like an old man.. -so that puts it in perspective a bit for me...

 

Sorry I havnt been so social of late.. -enjoy the quiet..

But I am reading, and will sing out if I have anything to add..

 

Great to see new faces with much to offer too...

 

I do hope I havnt missed anything directed my way.. -resend with a slap, if need be.. (not all slaps at once though..!!)

 

 

 

[[be...]]

Good morning Begood Cant Heath Mary SS TMB Green Trish lntend Gard Miyu Olive Laura Bluepill and all buddies here sending you my love and support hopefully today will be a good one.

  Love Stut and Mary X

  You thought l missed that Mary lol.

Morning Stut, have a good day, thanks for your support yesterday of Our Free. 💖 Peace and Healing Hugs.

[[be...]]

Oops, I guess I was kind of late with my reply.

 

Glad Trish has gotten such good advice.

 

And good morning and good night. Seems like I’m ready to go to sleep when I see good morning posts....but then... so what ...I hope the whole day is good for everyone.

 

Heath

Welcome to my world..!! (Time zones)

 

Hi to Everyone..

 

NJ, -some good news, I hope..!!

And congrats on the job.. Not much slows you, does it..!!

 

Still a bit rough here, end of day 3.. hoping the tide will turn tomorrow... Flu, and increased SX cycling...

C15 is still moaning and groaning, and getting around like an old man.. -so that puts it in perspective a bit for me...

 

Sorry I havnt been so social of late.. -enjoy the quiet..

But I am reading, and will sing out if I have anything to add..

 

Great to see new faces with much to offer too...

 

I do hope I havnt missed anything directed my way.. -resend with a slap, if need be.. (not all slaps at once though..!!)

Hi Cant thanks for your support yesterday of Our Free, no slaps for you. 💖 Peace and Healing Slaps Hugs.