The Long Hold Support Group

[[Ju...]]

Have been reading recent posts since the Fourth of July.  This is an active group, so supportive.

 

I think that I am going to have to hold for a very long time because, maybe, of kindling.  I was at 1.5 mg. Valium, then tapered to 1.25 mg., then had derealization (frightened me badly) at two weeks after reaching 1.25.  Up-dosed to 1.5.  Then tried again.  No go after two days, derealization again.  It is very discouraging.

 

If I hold for six months, is it likely that the kindling would not be a factor any longer?

 

I am especially appreciative of "begood," because he/she (?) warned me that I was tapering too fast.  This was a few weeks ago.  Thank you so very much, all of you.  I read a good bit when I don't post, and it all helps.

[[bl...]]

Julianna:

Hold as long as you ned to. It's not a race. I'd hold until you are good and steady.

[[Tr...]]

NJ: thanks for kind words re award. It was sweet. These little moments do matter.

 

Heath: glad you slept. I was at a loss with the insomnia until I started the lexapro. Not proud that I had to add another drug during taper but it’s just something I’ll have to taper after this taper. It’s ok. Slow and steady. Whatever it takes for us

 

Stut; how you doing? Feeling ok?

 

 

bluepill, did lexapro help? I don't  want to take another pill to taper either...but I may have too, As of yesterday I wasn't going too, but my family and two Dr's,( my PCP and a psychiatrist I  saw for a second opinion ) all think I need to take it. I do have depression that's not letting up since I started to taper. I think the Dr's and my family are worried that I won't be able to taper the rest of the way unless I take care of the depression and the anxiety with something like lexapro. I was pretty firm as of yesterday that I was not going to take another drug that I'd  have to taper but I  wrestled  with that decision all night last night. I feel so stuck, like there's  no good way out of this .Please let me know what  lexapro  has done for you.

[[be...]]

Have been reading recent posts since the Fourth of July.  This is an active group, so supportive.

 

I think that I am going to have to hold for a very long time because, maybe, of kindling.  I was at 1.5 mg. Valium, then tapered to 1.25 mg., then had derealization (frightened me badly) at two weeks after reaching 1.25.  Up-dosed to 1.5.  Then tried again.  No go after two days, derealization again.  It is very discouraging.

 

If I hold for six months, is it likely that the kindling would not be a factor any longer?

 

I am especially appreciative of "begood," because he/she (?) warned me that I was tapering too fast.  This was a few weeks ago.  Thank you so very much, all of you.  I read a good bit when I don't post, and it all helps.

Hi Julianna, I think you will get a lot of support here. I am thinking that you are not kindled at all, I think as I said before you have gone pretty fast with your cuts, and there has been no lag time in between for your Brain to heal, I would be looking at a long hold. There is no time limit for the Brain to heal, so hunker down and be one with your decision. If one keeps trying to forge ahead and not ready, you will be staring down the rabbit hole of hell. Just be patient and trust the Process of Healing and Have Patience and Let Time Pass. Best to you and your journey. 💖 Peace and Healing Hugs.

[[St...]]

Hi Trish can l ask were you depressed before your taper?l only ask that as l suffered terribly from depression during my taper and I have to say it lifted around the 5 month mark of my hold.

    Listen Trish if you need it take it.lf you can do without it do without it.l am never going to say don't take that drug it is your choice.Trust yourself.

    Love Stut X

[[St...]]

Hi Julianna listen to begood.I am proud to say begood is my friend here and will never give you bad advice.Welcome.

  Love Stut X

[[St...]]

Hi Bluepill l am doing ok can't complain.How are you?

  Love Stut X

[[St...]]

Hi Begood are you having your coffee?I hope your hold isn't bothering you too much.l just wanted to say my friend do not allow the minority of individuals on this forum to upset you.Sadly because they have been on a benzo doesn't mean they aren't nasty, arrogant bullies.

  Hugs and love Stut X

[[St...]]

Hi Cant how has your day been pain lessened any?l hope so.How is C15?

  Love Stut X

[[St...]]

Heath, Miyu,Free,SS,TMB,Green, Mary,Gard,SC,NJ and anyone else l have missed l hope you all slept well and have a better day.

    Love Stut X

[[be...]]

Hi Julianna listen to begood.I am proud to say begood is my friend here and will never give you bad advice.Welcome.

  Love Stut X

Oh you are so sweet Stut, we both know what going to fast with taper will do to one. If only I knew those first two tapers...oh well I know now. Hope your day is going well, and thinking of you, keep up the good advise you give here and on the boards. 💖 Peace and Healing Hugs My Friend.

 

“You cannot travel the path until you have become the path itself.”

 

~Buddha~

[[Tr...]]

Thanks Stut, I  always like your advice, You are so helpful!

I have had bouts of depression my whole life but always got through, but never quite like this as I  know its definitely taper related. Maybe, like you if I  hold out a few months longer it will lift. I had a huge fight with my husband last night. This whole thing is wearing me out and affecting all my relationships. I have to see my therapist this morning, thank God!! If not for her and this group I don't know where I'd be..

 

Trish

[[St...]]

Begood you have been my mentor.You have no idea of your worth.Keep going my friend.You and Cant have taught us all.

    Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Trish you are doing so well and to keep a relationship at the same time amazing.l would imagine your husband is struggling to cope and it's hard for our loved ones.Think about it and decide what you want to do.l know l thought the depression was never going to lift and all of a sudden it was gone.

    Love Stut X

[[Tr...]]

Stut,

You give me hope!!! I think I want to hold out as long as possible. You're also right about my husband he's definitely struggling..I think he feels helpless and it bothers him. We've been married for 34 yrs , I've been with him since I was 20 yrs. Old! We've been through a lot together in years past but this seems to be a real test in our marriage.

 

I hope you're doing ok , I  hope the loneliness has lessened for you..

Trish

[[be...]]

Begood you have been my mentor.You have no idea of your worth.Keep going my friend.You and Cant have taught us all.

    Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

My advice to you would be this l would try not to talk to much about the taper.Sometimes we do become obsessed and talk constantly about it.Good news that passes with a hold as well.Use here and your therapist to get all your fears and worries out.

  You will get through this l would think you have got through a lot worse.This has a beginning, middle and end.Remember that at all times.

    I am ok Trish.l will push through like l always do.lt just takes time like everything else.

    Love Stut X

[[Ju...]]

Thanks so much for this thread.  I get such good from reading these posts.

 

Begood, I have copied/pasted your comment to me about maybe not kindling into my journal.  That gives me hope.  And I awoke this morning, just now, early, to a window.  This was before I read your comment.

 

Thank all of you so very much.  It is so wonderful when the fatigue lifts.  I haven't awakened feeling good in such a long time, until just now.  We have to take what comes with good grace.

 

Begood, I will hold, and for a long time.  Not sure how long.  I am thinking that my doctor who gives me the prescriptions will be disappointed with me for not trying harder.  But he knows that I know more about benzo withdrawal even than he does.  He will keep prescribing; that is not an issue.

 

Thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.

[[St...]]

Great Julianna l think a hold will sort you out.Just hang in there don't get disheartened you will heal as you hold.

    Love Stut X

[[Ju...]]

Stut - I have also posted your latest comment into my journal.  Thanks so much.  So far this morning the window is still holding.  I feel blessed.

[[Tr...]]

Stut,

You are so wise with your advice and suggestions. I really value your opinion. I will follow your advice and try to vent more here, where everyone"gets it" and with my therapist. It might lessen the frustration I feel trying to explain this to my family , as I know they can't understand this.

 

Much love to you!!

Trish

[[Sc...]]

Hi Stut, can’t, be good,MiYu, others I can’t remember or havnt met. I hope you’re all doing well. Thanks for the shout out Stut. So kind.

I’m holding. Working on getting bed dose back down that I upped by .5 due to trying to function on too much coffee late in day panicking to function for ms appointment & just going out of town in general. I took only 2mg instead of the 2.5 last night & have been up since 4am.

Drinking one am coffee. Will try to hold the bed dose @2mg again tonight.

 

In 2002 Paxil & Wellbutrin worked for me but I quit them cold turkey after 2-3 months due to mental & physical slowness.

 

I’m so confused as to weather to try another antidepressant again. I’ve become so medication resistant since 2010-2013 tried a million different ones, lexapro worked for a few months with too much sedation, then failed then nothing worked after that. Then 2016-2017 tried & failed many again.

 

Since antidepressants that worked, despite side effects, & the dreaded eventual withdrawal, i havnt been able to wake up without dreading the day ahead. Everything is a struggle, my normal overly empathetic self become self absorbed with worry, mostly about my health, I can’t think straight, I can’t enjoy anything, no motivation, overwhelmed by the tiniest things, tired. I guess I complain much, but don’t mean to. I feel I need an antidepressant but they either don’t work or I can’t tolerate them. And then there’s the dreaded withdrawal. Thoughts? Try one again?

 

Now my nuero thinks provigil could help my fatigue & therefore help my depression by helping me go do the things I need to do. I don’t know anything about provigil. I think I took it to counteract antidepressant fatigue in the past & got anxiety from it at times. But I wasn’t on so much clonazapam at the time. I just really need to function better soon. Having depression sucks but I’m more concerned about how it’s affecting all of my loved ones. My recent trip out of town was the first in 5 years. It was a struggle. I was on the verge of tears easily, chugging coffee to get through days, irritable(really couldn’t contain tears nor irritability-was really scary)I got irritable around a 4 year old. They didn’t notice but I was taken aback... never in my life, no matter how bad I felt have I not been able to remain calm(fake it till you make it)for children & animals.😰🤭I’m totally having a skewed viewpoint.

 

How long can one remain emotionally unstable from changing benzo dose? Like the volatile emotions?

Then there’s the ongoing blah, no motivation, fear, guilt, no pleasure depression that I was thinking quitting benzos would help.

 

I might need to get hormones checked.

 

Was on waiting list for therapist now they pushed me out another 6 weeks. Time to look for another therapist.

 

New nuero doesn’t think benzos are causing my fatigue, that I would be immune to that effect by now. Thinks it’s either ms, depression or both causing my fatigue. He wants me to try to stabilize on this CBD oil for a moth before I try tapering again. Maybe try provigil, which I must admit I’m anxious to have anything help me feel better than I do now. I’m loosing my push.

 

Sorry venting. Reaching out. Had breakfast & coffee & climbed back in bed.

Be well all SC

[[Ju...]]

The sedation that bothers you so could be the fatigue that goes along with withdrawal.  That's my conclusion for myself, too.

[[Sc...]]

Thanks Juliana,

I hope you’re well. I think it’s a combination of things. I think my high dose of clonazapam could be contributing, as I noticed that as I quit smoking, lowered my nicotine patches, my fatigue worsened, to the best of my memory & that was pre taper, pretty sure my dose was stable too. Could have just coincidentally coincided with worsening depression & ms fatigue too. So like the k pin became too much after taking the stimulation of cigs away. Anyone ever heard or experienced this?

 

I think part could be depression caused fatigue for sure.

 

Probably part is ms fatigue.

 

What does withdrawal fatigue feel like?

 

Thanks SC

[[Ol...]]

HI Trishy, This process is very hard on relationships. Mine is certainly struggling and I have talked to many people on this site who suffer as well. The hubby will never be able to understand unless he has gone through it himself. Mine is always wanting to help me or 'fix' me by saying that I just need to get off Valium as soon as possible and why am I dragging this out and mayne I need to consider getting on and AD.. etc etc. He loves me and wants the best for me of course but he has not done thousands of hours of research on the internet like I have  Another sticky point is that I never go out and do fun things like I used to. And I am not working. you get the point. I'm sure all of us in relationships have gone through these things and I will say just try to hang in there and make it work, 34 years is a long time to throw away over this medication. If he is the real deal he will stick by your side no matter what.

Scaredie, Isn't Provigil a stimulant, somewhat like Adderral? I cannot imagine taking a stimulant right now, do you get anxiety? I would definitely be hesitant to add a stimulant.

Love to all of you.