The Long Hold Support Group

[[St...]]

Oh begood thank you so much.You are a dear friend and your kindness always shines through.l hope l help some people through this long journey.

    How is your reduction going?

        Hugs and love Stut X

[[St...]]

Good decision trishy you do what is best for you and take it slowly and you will succeed.

    Love Stut X

[[St...]]

Purple and Barbara good advice from the more experienced members.l am holding and to be perfectly honest with you it's the hardest thing I have had to do.l have obsessively wanted to taper as a lot of the time l thought I was wasting my time but do you know what l have found l have learned more about withdrawal in the last six months than l did when l was pushing through.

    Try to be patient as stability is very elusive.The withdrawal symptoms come and go, change and seem to be neverending however with enough time they start to ease in intensity and duration.Stability isn't about having no withdrawal symptoms for me it just means they are tolerable and suck less.

  That is what l have found however everyone is different.

    Love Stut X

[[Ca...]]

Hi Gard,Can't,

 

Thanks for your input and suggestions..I have a lot to think about and thinking doesn't come easy these days.

 

I'm def. Going to make an appt.with a psychiatrist, not tell I'm tapering. If I can get scripts from psychiatrist then I'll do this my way, the VERY slow way. If not then I guess I'll continue on with current Dr and hope he remains patient with me.

 

All I know is if I had to taper again today, I'd rather die then do it!

 

Although I felt a little  better yesterday I still feel like an "ALIEN" in my own body.

 

It's a new day in the US hoping for a good one , and wishing you all a good day or a restful night!

 

Trish

Hi Trish,

 

There sure is a lot of info and ideas around this site.. and the internet..!!

But I think we each find our way to simplify it to what suits us fairly quickly..

listening to my poor body, and trusting gut instincts has helped, but its always in hindsight.. lol

 

I wish you well with securing a continued medicine supply, as sadly, without it, this all becomes impossible...

A sad situation indeed...

 

You have a great day too..!!

 

[[St...]]

Cant, Miyu, Mary,Gard,TMB, Bluepill, Greencup, Nova sending healing thoughts your way.That includes Heath and Valley who appear to be MIA again.

    Love Stut X

[[St...]]

Hi Cant is C15 home yet if so how did he get on?

    Love Stut X

[[Ca...]]

Purple and Barbara good advice from the more experienced members.l am holding and to be perfectly honest with you it's the hardest thing I have had to do.l have obsessively wanted to taper as a lot of the time l thought I was wasting my time but do you know what l have found l have learned more about withdrawal in the last six months than l did when l was pushing through.

    Try to be patient as stability is very elusive.The withdrawal symptoms come and go, change and seem to be neverending however with enough time they start to ease in intensity and duration.Stability isn't about having no withdrawal symptoms for me it just means they are tolerable and suck less.

  That is what l have found however everyone is different.

    Love Stut X

Yes..!! -lets drink (something) to "less suck"..!!

 

There are a few Buddies MIA..!!

My best to TNTD, Miyu, Heath, SS, Valley, Free? oh gosh, and so many more..!!

 

Hi BG,

 

Hi there Stut..!!

 

How is that weather treating you..??

We have the rain to fill your pool..!!

 

Poor C15 looked a bit worn out after a 12hr night, but they made great progress, and might finish a day early..!!

 

-oh -u r too quick..!! -remember I text from my fone..!!

No he not home but I picked the boys up (grrr) and we had dinner on their way to the job..

 

What day is D-Day for you?? -im sure it feels like every day right now... -I take back all the times i wished for even 1nights break from C15..!! And he isnt realy gone, just missing...

 

 

[[St...]]

Oh Cant l never thought l would say this but this heat is unbearable 32 degrees and rising.Who knew we could get these temperatures.You know l shouldn't complain as we have had nothing but rain for the last 4 summers so bring it on.

  Oh the wee pet very long hours for him.He will be as glad to see you l would think.l know we all think we want a break but when you get it oh God what do you do with ourselves now.l always feel a bit of me is missing.

 

      Sunday is D Day and l am dreading it.l seem to go around in denial for a while then bam it hits me.My daughter is a bit of a drama queen so l would say getting her sorted out will be hell on earth lol.

    Love Stut X

[[Ca...]]

Oh Cant l never thought l would say this but this heat is unbearable 32 degrees and rising.Who knew we could get these temperatures.You know l shouldn't complain as we have had nothing but rain for the last 4 summers so bring it on.

  Oh the wee pet very long hours for him.He will be as glad to see you l would think.l know we all think we want a break but when you get it oh God what do you do with ourselves now.l always feel a bit of me is missing.

 

      Sunday is D Day and l am dreading it.l seem to go around in denial for a while then bam it hits me.My daughter is a bit of a drama queen so l would say getting her sorted out will be hell on earth lol.

    Love Stut X

We used to put blocks of ice behind a pedestal fan...!!

So it was you that stole our rain..?? We have had nothing but drought..  well mainly just a little patch where we're at,  but that's because the weather is coming from a different direction. It's just not the same..

 

C14  Will be okay he's a bush kid that's just gone soft around the edges LOL

- it's his time now,  and he will shine..!!

Your daughter will do the same.  -as will you..!!

 

 

 

[[pu...]]

Thank you all so I see it is good to hold to let our brains and nerves to catch up and then when we feel can drop again.    Yes such a small amount it seems 0.5mg but really it is not

 

Purple

[[NJ...]]

Oh Cant l never thought l would say this but this heat is unbearable 32 degrees and rising.Who knew we could get these temperatures.You know l shouldn't complain as we have had nothing but rain for the last 4 summers so bring it on.

  Oh the wee pet very long hours for him.He will be as glad to see you l would think.l know we all think we want a break but when you get it oh God what do you do with ourselves now.l always feel a bit of me is missing.

 

      Sunday is D Day and l am dreading it.l seem to go around in denial for a while then bam it hits me.My daughter is a bit of a drama queen so l would say getting her sorted out will be hell on earth lol.

    Love Stut X

 

Stut, I will be thinking of you Sunday. And it is okay to cry in front of her! I cried a lot last summer before we dropped off my son to college, and the actual day, I was a total mess. Hang in there ... we all go through this and survive somehow.

[[La...]]

Laura, my heart really goes out to you. Your sister's situation is so difficult.

 

Gard

 

Thanks, Gard. We're really struggling. Can't believe we thought we were close to a settling a couple of months ago.

[[Tr...]]

Thanks S55 and Can't!

 

You guys are the best!! I'm so grateful to have found you, your well wishes and support mean the world to me as this can be a lonely dark road..sending you both and the rest of our BB' s lots of love and brighter days ahead!

 

Trish 

[[He...]]

Hi Stut and all, yes it seems like I am M I A  but not really. Been reading but not posting. So tired of all of this withdrawal. IM EMBARRASSED!  How many times can I mess up? I say I will hold, but after 3 weeks I give in and taper again. How many times will you hear me say and do the same stupid things until you finally give up on me?  Do you really want to hear it AGAIN!

When you are as old as I am, there are so may things that get in the way and you just don’t know if it’s age related or withdrawal. Nerve pain , joint pain, muscle twitches...and then it’s the impatience of this withdrawal journey. GP can’t find any reason for muscle twitches. It’s got to be withdrawal?  Twitches are not pain, actually kind of funny, checked it out, so worry is gone. but nerve pain is no fun. Awful.

 

So here I am. Only held 3 weeks and went down a bit. Embarrassed to say so on the forum.

Paying for it mightily. So now I willTRY TRY TRY TO START A HOLD AGAIN AND THIS TIME WAIT UNTIL I AM REALLY STABLE. MY WDSX ARE JUST GETTING WORSE BECAUSE I AM TOO STUBBORN TO HOLD ON TO MY HOLD. No need to tell me not be so hard on myself. I have to be hard on myself because if I chalk it up to benzo beast, I’ll never learn. I have to take responsibility for my own actions. Too stubborn to updose. So I’ll just ride it out.

 

Just took on a part time  job with kids starting in sept...so that’s an incentive to hold. Also sister coming to visit  end of July. Hopefully these two things will keep me in my hold. And once I have started the job with kids...there will be a continued reason to KEEP MY HOLD UNTIL I AM STABLE AND THEN tapering at a S L O W  S L O W rate.

YES, YOUVE HEARD IT BEFORE....I KNOW.

THUS TIME THE SX ARE BAD ENOUGH TO FORCE ME TO HOLD. BUT I DESREVE IT. MAYBE IT WILL KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO ME.

HEATH

[[He...]]

Stut,

I’ve been reading about your daughter flying the coop. You know youve done a wonderful job of raising her. Youve given her roots AND wings. And now she is SUPPOSED TO FLY!  She’s had a beautiful ,SECURE AND LOVING childhood, and now she’s off to be on her own....an almost woman! She’s going to be fine, and you will too because of the wonderful job you have done raising her..

When my daughter flew the coop many years ago. I made her call me every night .thank goodness she did. But after a while the phone calls got farther apart. Yes I worried. Yes I missed her...but she was fine. It was me who was a mess! But I got passed that....in time. It wasn’t easy...but it was ok.

You will be ok. And it’s  ok to feel sad. Very sad..and at a loss and to cry. But she’s got to go off on her own life’s journey. Don’t put aside how very proud you must be feeling at the same time! What a wonderful grown up she has become!

And one day , of course when she is ready... another chapter of your daughters life may bring her and you more exciting things like....a wedding ..... and grandchildren.... etc....so don’t look back....look forward to the beautiful exciting things that are to come...for your daughter...and for you!

By the way......isn’t this god’s plan ...the way things are supposed to be....the circle of life?

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Hi there everyone! I need some advice from you guys! Having trouble Today want to quit this taper and just stay on xanax forever..I'm holding only two weeks so far at 1.5 mgs. It's been so rough I can hardly take another minute of this withdrawal....so shaky, I call it anxiety on steroids! It creeps up on me as the day goes on. The more I exert myself the more shaky I feel, I can't stand to much stimulus, don't want to leave the house, noise and people give me a nervousness that's indescribable, my heart pounds and all I can think is I can't believe I have to cut again and again and again at some point. I feel weak..it almost feels like an impossible feat with this amount of suffering. You are all so strong and so brave..how do you all keep going when this feels so unbearable?? I admire all of you and your courage to push on. I'm feeling like I'm not going to make it out of this

 

Trish

 

Hi Trisha, I have been what others have thought of as missing in action. That’s because I have not been on the forum for about two weeks or more. I’m usually pretty steady on here. But Ive been hav8ng some hard times lately due to my impatience with this withdrawal journey. No one to blame but myself.

I was supposed to do a long hold to get myself out of a tough spot. I kNow it’s the right thing to do but I stupidly let go of my hold after only  three weeks.

So now I’m starting a long hold and hope I stick to it. I HAVE DONE A LONG HOLD BEFORE, at the beginning of my withdrawal journey about two years ago,AND I SWEAR IT SAVED ME!

 

So I guess I just wanted to chime in here and say, I know how hard it is to hold , and also just to know that this is no easy task, this tapering off of benzos. So don’t dispair. You are not alone. We all are behind you and are here for each other...no matter what happens and no matter how long it takes.

 

You’ve gotten great advice here, I’ve been reading the past few pages, so I  guess I don’t have much to add.  Just be sthrong, and patient, and know that you WILL BE FREE OF BENZOS ONE DAY.

 

And (belated) a very big welcome!

Heath

 

 

 

[[He...]]

Oh Cant l never thought l would say this but this heat is unbearable 32 degrees and rising.Who knew we could get these temperatures.You know l shouldn't complain as we have had nothing but rain for the last 4 summers so bring it on.

  Oh the wee pet very long hours for him.He will be as glad to see you l would think.l know we all think we want a break but when you get it oh God what do you do with ourselves now.l always feel a bit of me is missing.

 

      Sunday is D Day and l am dreading it.l seem to go around in denial for a while then bam it hits me.My daughter is a bit of a drama queen so l would say getting her sorted out will be hell on earth lol.

    Love Stut X

 

 

 

Stut..... 32 degrees and rising????where do you live? Or is that centigrade? I’m thinking Fahrenheit. I’m in the USA. Maybe you’re not?

Heath

[[He...]]

I’ve been reading but haven’t seen MiYu here in a while.. Did I miss something I shouldn’t have? Hope you are ok MiYu!

 

Heath

[[Tr...]]

Hi Heath,

 

Thank you for welcoming me and also for your encouraging words. I feel very fortunate to have found such supportive people that are more than willing to help and give advice. I love all the BB' s that have reached out to me and now you as well!

 

Thank you for your support!

 

Trish

[[NJ...]]

Heath,

 

Thank you for posting today. I am cutting my pills for the next three weeks and thought, I am feeling a bit better, maybe I should cut just a little.

 

Your words will keep me holding, and I need to until September I think. I need to give myself a break, sending my son to college last fall, the endless job search that went from fall to late winter, the new job which is a bit crazier than I expected (okay, a lot crazier, but it IS a healthier environment and I need to hold onto that), my mom's illness and decline. I know I have made very little progress in the past year, but I am down 60 percent from the start, and that will have to be good enough for now. I need to let myself live my life a little.

 

So thanks for sharing. I needed to hear you today!

 

I hope everyone else is managing.

[[de...]]

Hello everyone, 

 

I would really like to take part, learn, contribute, to the Long Hold Support Group.  The theory behind long hold makes sense to me, to my situation.  Seriously, can't continue to cut to meet some pre ordained schedule.  I'm rescheduling to the long hold. 

 

I am 36 days into a cut from 1.25mgs V to now, 1mg.  I cut too rapidly prior, from approx. 7mgs to 2mgs.  Also got badly messed around with adverse reaction to a/d's, as well as Serotonin Syndrome

6 months ago, and also 2011 (I think, memory not good).  It's been pretty hectic.

 

Like everyone I wanted off Valium as quickly as I could and thought, as did my psychiatrist, that abrupt stop at 2mgs would be OK, it wasn't.  . 

 

Disappointingly, when I told him what had happened when 'jumping' from 2mgs he said, "that was a bit silly", yet it was he who had advised me.  .  It was very disappointing (understatement) to hear him actually lie, or conveniently forget his own words. I don't see him anymore, and he has since retired. 

 

I have come to know through my own musings, readings, and limited experience, that to (now) cut further would be damaging to me, it just feels that way. 

 

I thought things were getting worse at the end of my month hold with new symptoms arising, and others heightening.  I could see no way forward other than to cut.  Why prolong the agony? 

 

However, 3 days ago I noticed improvement, particularly with DP and DR.  GI also improved, ability to do a few things also made possible.  I know I am not healed, but did feel improvement after holding past what I had construed in my mind, as the magical month, where I would cut again, on schedule. 

 

No more of this thinking.  I am happy to hold for as long as it takes within reason, and one thing for sure, I want to relish and enjoy this reprieve, which seems so long in its coming. 

 

I look forward to meeting you all.

 

Dee

 

 

 

 

[[be...]]

Welcome Dee, this is a great group. 💖 Peace and Healing.

[[He...]]

Hi there New Jersey,

I’m glad that my mistake has shown you that it really isn’t good to give up on a hold until you really have reached stabilization.  At least you have kept on holding before making the same mistake as I did.that is good news! For me.... it’s back to holding!

And I hear you so well when you talk about your job and your son leaving for college. I have gone through both my kids leaving home...but it was time. It’s not easy to let them go...but I’m sure your son will be ok.no matter how crazy things may be,

 

I too have just committed to a job starting in the fall to work with kindergartners.its more hours than I wanTed, but it’s the only thing the school had to offer me, so I said yes. I just hope I am able to do it. But thís will probably help me to really stay with my hold. If I don’t, I might wind up with wdsx that would interfere with my job. And I do not want that to happen. So that should keep me in line and holding.

 

I remember when you were deciding which job to take and the many interviews you were going on a few months ago. When you decided on this one, I believe you had said then, that this job was going to be less stressful. I hope it is turning out that way.

 

MY sister lives in Jackson New Jersey.  It’s a beautiful state as far as the little parts of it that I have seen. I hope you have many good days ahead.

 

Heath :smitten:

[[Ba...]]

What is the 'propaganda list'?

 

I upped the valium 10% but still doing nothing.  Managed to get out for an hour yesterday.  Otherwise I lay around and nothing to do and nobody.  Kind of losing hope... has been a long decline this year and a half.

 

Had hoped I'd rebound at some point but while stomach is better, nothing else is and any hope/motivtion I had is gone.

 

I just don't know.

 

Being so glum who'd want to be around me anyhow? 

 

Wanted to try cannabis to sleep but can't even get to dispensary.

 

Neer thought anything could be this hard and unending.

 

I suppose I really should try gabapentin as lying here day after day and no nothing going on cannot be good.  At least if I lived in pretty place could try walking in nature.

 

And I have no patience for anything or the ability to do anything it seems.

 

Sorry...

[[de...]]

Thanks for welcome, begood.  I hope we all find our way, somehow. 

 

Please don't give up hope Barbara Ave. 

 

Dee