The Long Hold Support Group

[[be...]]

BEGOOD...WHY IS IT THAT YOU KNOW ME LIKE YOU KNOW THE BACK OF YOUR HAND?  I GUESS YOU ARE EVEN WISER THAN I THOUGHT! You are 100% right! I know what I am doing wrong!  I know what I have to do! But I don’t do it. I AM SABOTOGING MYSELF! I know how to give good advice but I don’t follow my own good advice. And I can’t even blame it on the Benzo Devil it’s definitely ME! I’ve always been like this, my whole life!  :idiot

If you are fed up with me, I will understand.

I held for about a week, but then started tapering tiny bits again. WRONG MOVE! So I am holding again now since June 6 when the arm muscles started. (I thought I could get away with only a few days hold. I WAS WRONG.It has to be at least a month. Now I see that! Of course my stupid self did know that but I didn’t do it! 

I am committing myself to posting my signature every single week from now on. Maybe if I know I can’t get away with any more CHEATING, AND THAT OTHERS ARE READING, THAT WILL KEEP ME HONEST AND TRUE TO MY HOLD!

Thank you for giving me a spanking Begood.

 

MiYu, It’s very kind of you to say I am strong, but I’m really not strong. Guess I’ve just been lucky until now. But I will try to live up to what you think I am.

 

Heath

Never fed up ever, just concerned, try not to be so hard on yourself, you are human, and strong. Just stay off the horse and you will get back on when it is time and no sooner. Please keep helping all here, your advice is good. Brush yourself off, breathe and Stay Strong.

[[He...]]

Begood, Thanks again for being here for me. I am off the horse! Back on the turtle’s shell for an easy ride.  Maybe I should super glue myself there so I don’t slide off again.

 

Glad that your taper is going so well! Hope it continues to be so successful, and knowing you, and your strength and resolve, it surely will be!

 

All the best to you always!❤️

:smitten:  Heath

 

 

[[...]]

Heath , thanks for asking after me 

I'm ok, hanging in there, but like you have made the error of some tiny micro cuts that were apparantly too soon , and am paying the price. I finally talked to a friend who , altho is not familiar with benzo withdrawal , is very  kind and wants to help me be accountable for my tapering decisions. I'm grateful for this , as I feel like I have to do it all on my own , that;s my thing that I've been doing a ll my life,  I don;t trust that anyone can help me , and actually feel very cared of trusting anyone else with my health decisions, and now of course added irresponsible doctors to fuel that fire.....and rigthly so in that case.

However  , I do trust this friend as I know she really cares and I feel safe with her.

So we will consider whats best , and she'll help me make my decisions about tapering , or not ! and also help me to maintain a hold when necesary .

 

So you are not alone in making apparant " errors" , they are not really errors, its trial and error, always it seems , until it isn't....

 

AS the wise Begood said , you have done well in yoru taper and there is no need to rush now . give your brain the time it needs.

 

I have to admit with all the struggles of this wd , I don;t trust long holds either altogether , it all feels like such a gamble , and I would love to just find a rhythm that works for me , but it seems it's not time yet. My rhythm is no rhythm!

 

SO i guess I have trust issues.... plenty to be seen about ourselves on this journey isn't there?

No self blame though Heath , this is not our fault!!

 

love, MiYu

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Barbara,

I too have dental issues, a bridge that feel off and I went for my appointent and the dentist wasn;t there!! the wait was an hour and it would have been with a different dentist , I just couldn't do it . so now i have to wait 6 weeks with bared teeth and no bridge!

 

But , what I did to get through it , was I took gabapentin, it's the only way I could have managed .

Do you have anything that could help you through a day at the dentists?

I will do it again when I have to go back , as my nervous system can't tolerate anything like that without help. It's not great , but teeth must be fixed,

 

so that 's my strategy .... all I can do really withourt freaking out at the dentist.

 

love , MiYu

 

Scardie, I think you've gotten some good advice back from your posts... you're going to be ok, I also don;t think kindling is an issue , it's just your benzo brain getting " hooked" onto an idea IMO, it happens to a ll of us.

 

HAve you considered going back up by.125 ? Half of what you cut? as others said , .25 is a big reduction all at once, whatever your starting dose , it's still big drop for your brain a nd nervous system to adjust to it seems  .

It's a learning process and you will find your way,  best to start out slow and see how you do and go from there.

 

love , MiYu

 

 

 

[[...]]

I feel like I'm always behind. I just read through five pages and I'm not sure I remember much of it. I do know that I wanted to respond to specific comments......

 

I think MiYu asked me about my hold. After my CT I was a mess but I wanted desperately to get off of my benzo so I thouhgt that even though I was still housebound and had really bad anxiety daily, along with other sxs of course, I could start my taper. Bad idea. I kept trying though and I just kept getting worse. Finally about six months of trying to taper both my doctor and the moderator on SA suggested that I hold, plus I found this wonderful group and they suggested I hold too so hold I did. I had been holding about three months when I finally entered a window. It was amost a full year from the time of my CT. It was amazing. I decided I would start to taper after I enjoyed about a month of relief at least. That's when I recieved the new generic and had to do a crossover. I had heard that some people had a hard time with it so I decided to taper over for a month. It was awful. It must have been a big reduction. I went back into full blown w/d's and once I finished the taper over it was about another month before I got another window. So I held another month after that. It was a total of holding for six months before I decided to try tapering again and then I only did really tiny tapers and I hold if I get exhausted by the w/d's that the tiny taper causes. Anyway, that's my holding story. I hope it helps. I will tell you it is hard to hold. The brain wants to keep going and get off these meds but holding was the best thing I ever did.

 

Scardie,  I agree so much with what everyone has been saying. If you need to updose to regain functionality and that's what's right for you then that's what you should do. We will support you no matter what choice you make. I agree with some of the others that maybe you try just a partial updose first to see how that goes. No harm in trying. As MiYu said it's all trial and error and then we try something else. We're all just trying to figure this thing out and we're all different in what we need.  Stay strong and do what's best for you.  :smitten: :hug:

 

MiYu, I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling. I find it amazing how tapering such tiny amounts can cause w/d sxs. I have asked my pdoc about it repeatedly and he says he doesn't know why such tiny amounts cause us problems. How long have you tried to hold for in the past? I don't know if there is any rhythm to tapering. Our brains and bodies are constatly changing and we have to adjust for all the new situations in our lives.

 

Heath, I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting so much. Did I read that your brother-in-law passed away. If so I'm so very sorry to hear that. My brother-in-law passed away this past February and it was and has been a hard thing. My heart is with you. Treat youself like you would a good friend and I like that idea of super gluing yourself to the turtle, lol. 

 

Barbara, I hope that you find a way to deal with your tooth. I had to have one pulled after it cracked through the root and I know that pain is no fun, especially when you're dealing with w/d too. Stay strong, you can do it. 

 

Big hugs and healing to everyone, Stut, Heath, MiYu, Scaredie, TMB, BG, is CanDo still on here, Can't and so many others that are new and have been here awhile alike.

 

Thinking of you all,  :smitten: :hug:

T

[[...]]

Hi tntd welcome back.There is a girl Delta that is her mother's carer.Her mother was cold turkeyed off Prozac after 10 years.Now she is trying to taper off Xanax and Valium and having a terrible time.She hasn't been here for a while however perhaps when she does come back you will have more insight into what her mother is going through.

      Love Stut X

 

Hi Stut,

 

I feel so lost as far as how everyone has been doing. Hopefully I'll be able to get on the computer often enough to catch up.

 

I would be happy to help Delta and her mother in any way that I can.

 

Hugs,

 

T

[[Su...]]

Hi Everyone,

this thread moves so quickly with sage and wise advice.... I've been away for a few days and am overwhelmed with the caring and support that everyone is offering here.

I don't think I can name everyone, but I'll try: BG, Heath, TNTD, Miyu, Stutt, Barabra, Scardie, TMB, NJ...and anyone I've missed.  :smitten:

All I can say Heath is that you give good advice -- and yes it's always hard to do things for ourselves.  It was your advice that holds with no sneaking in a cut here and there was the way to see if they will work...  That stayed with me all through my 64 days; and I then realized what a good hold could do :thumbsup:

 

So Yes to BG who knows us all so well -- or knows humans and the benzo beast so well.

 

Hard not to listen to that quiet, clear voice that says so confidently:  "Oh what's wrong with a little cut?"  Liar, liar pants on fire!!

 

Funny that the voice of reason seems quieter and less certain, at least in my brain! Bizarre actually.

But here we are buddies, here for each other and battling the beast and ourselves at times. 

 

:smitten:

SS

(yes I did cut just a smidgen last night.... why do you ask?  :idiot:) 

((No I won't  be cutting tonight after reading everything here  :smitten:)).

[[Ma...]]

Hi Everyone,

this thread moves so quickly with sage and wise advice.... I've been away for a few days and am overwhelmed with the caring and support that everyone is offering here.

I don't think I can name everyone, but I'll try: BG, Heath, TNTD, Miyu, Stutt, Barabra, Scardie, TMB, NJ...and anyone I've missed.  :smitten:

All I can say Heath is that you give good advice -- and yes it's always hard to do things for ourselves.  It was your advice that holds with no sneaking in a cut here and there was the way to see if they will work...  That stayed with me all through my 64 days; and I then realized what a good hold could do :thumbsup:

 

So Yes to BG who knows us all so well -- or knows humans and the benzo beast so well.

 

Hard not to listen to that quiet, clear voice that says so confidently:  "Oh what's wrong with a little cut?"  Liar, liar pants on fire!!

 

Funny that the voice of reason seems quieter and less certain, at least in my brain! Bizarre actually.

But here we are buddies, here for each other and battling the beast and ourselves at times. 

 

:smitten:

SS

(yes I did cut just a smidgen last night.... why do you ask?  :idiot:) 

((No I won't  be cutting tonight after reading everything here  :smitten:)).

 

Following u SS

[[To...]]

TMB try not to be too hard on yourself guilt in this case is completely misplaced.You will pull through this and so will your wife.I am really hoping things take a turn for the better for you soon.

  Love Stut X

Thank you Stut - amazing how self negativity flourishes in w/d. I do get really down on myself - I see me as a shell of who I once was and how far down I have fallen. It is not the kind of thinking that helps things get better but I am currently stuck there more often than not. Just have to keep pushing....

[[Ca...]]

Hi Guys...

Great to come back to 10 pages of family caring and supporting each other..!!

I think its all been said one way or the other, so nothing to add, asides that we ALL will get there with time and patience..!!

 

My Best to all..

 

[[Ba...]]

Miyu,

 

I have gabapentin and lyrica and that is a pretty good idea.  YOu know I get obsessional with getting OFF the stuff but have no quality of life.  Was thinking of updosing the diazepam... did up the ambien a bit, but yeah, maybe gabapentin.

 

I mean I have to do this or have pain which sets off more symptoms.

 

OMG wish I had a friend right now.  This longtime girlfriend (who, granted, lives an hour away), told her my situation and did she make any offer to help?  No.  Known her since I was 13.  You know, if I could, I'd help someone in a pinch and have to say this really makes me mad.  She has a family, has moved on, knows a million people, is retired, drives all over the place... but won't life a finger.

 

Grr.

 

Venting over.

[[St...]]

Hi Cant how was your birthday and have your withdrawal symptoms eased off any.

    Love Stut X

[[St...]]

Hi Barbara I hope you find something that eases the pain but you must get it sorted.l know you feel let down by your friend but none of us knows what other people are going through so let it pass over you.This is a very lonely journey but we have friends here that will carry us along.

    Love Stut X

[[Ca...]]

Hi Cant how was your birthday and have your withdrawal symptoms eased off any.

    Love Stut X

Hi Stut,

Im good thanks, being provactive and having a rest day...

Watching Game of Thrones with C15.. -Just chilling out..

 

How are you going today??

 

[[St...]]

Begood, Miyu, Holding Heath,SS(glad you are back),TMB,Gard,Mary,tntd, Laura and everyone else here l am sending love and hugs to you all.I hope this is a productive day.

          Love Stut X

[[St...]]

Good on you is the young man not at school today?l am having one of those days where l am worrying about everything.How did you cope with your other boys moving out.My girl is going in September and l am all over the place.What an idiot.

      Love Stut X

[[be...]]

Begood, Miyu, Holding Heath,SS(glad you are back),TMB,Gard,Mary,tntd, Laura and everyone else here l am sending love and hugs to you all.I hope this is a productive day.

          Love Stut X

Hi Stut, doing well here, on first cuppa of Joe, and enjoying it. Hope you are doing well and if not, I know you are handling anything that may come your way with the strength that is so evident. 💖 Peace and Healing Hugs.

[[be...]]

Hi Cant how was your birthday and have your withdrawal symptoms eased off any.

    Love Stut X

Hi Stut,

Im good thanks, being provactive and having a rest day...

Watching Game of Thrones with C15.. -Just chilling out..

 

How are you going today??

Evening "Chill bug 🐢", I think you deserve a good rest.

[[St...]]

Thank you begood glad to hear you are keeping the beast at bay.l am wrestling with worries at the moment but l will get through it.l can't change the situation so l will learn to deal with it.My biggest problem has been overthinking so something to work on.We will prevail.

    Hugs and love Stut X

[[Ca...]]

Good on you is the young man not at school today?l am having one of those days where l am worrying about everything.How did you cope with your other boys moving out.My girl is going in September and l am all over the place.What an idiot.

      Love Stut X

lol, I dont think you are on your own with empty nest worries..!!

I think it can get a bit complicated in some situations, but there is no way out of it..!! Lol

But you will get to see your hard work pay off, and they dont seem to go too far for long..

 

C15 Got sick at school, and of school, -and school of him..

Never ends...!!

 

[[be...]]

Thank you begood glad to hear you are keeping the beast at bay.l am wrestling with worries at the moment but l will get through it.l can't change the situation so l will learn to deal with it.My biggest problem has been overthinking so something to work on.We will prevail.

    Hugs and love Stut X

It will be OK, you will find what will work best for you, if only we did not have to have Real Life issues, while tapering, but it will not be that way ever. But I do believe that every bump we hit, we learn how to deal with things better...of course things of the Heart with Children and Partners seem to be the hardest. Just do the best you can and then you will find that you are more accepting. Of course I am not a Parent, and I do not know much, but I do know pain of the heart strings.

[[St...]]

Thank you begood and Cant.l know l will get through this but I don't want it to ruin my summer with her.So l am going to paint on a smile and push through.Begood l don't believe you have to be a parent to know how this feels l have been with your blog for the longest time and l know you loved your mother so much.I would die for my child and l would put the love l feel for her on a level of how l felt and still feel for my mother and father.Have to say she is so like my mother in personality and looks and she never knew her.

    As you say cant l will probably see more of her when she moves out lol.l hope your boy feels better soon.

    Love and hugs Stut X

[[be...]]

Thank you begood and Cant.l know l will get through this but I don't want it to ruin my summer with her.So l am going to paint on a smile and push through.Begood l don't believe you have to be a parent to know how this feels l have been with your blog for the longest time and l know you loved your mother so much.I would die for my child and l would put the love l feel for her on a level of how l felt and still feel for my mother and father.Have to say she is so like my mother in personality and looks and she never knew her.

    As you say cant l will probably see more of her when she moves out lol.l hope your boy feels better soon.

    Love and hugs Stut X

Yes I was so blessed to have her for a Mother, my Father too, but he was more complex, but I know that I have much of him in me also, the best from both. Yes just try to enjoy your summer, so you can look back on good things, going through tapering has taught me that each nano second of goodness helps us and we have to embrace the smallest thing.

[[Sc...]]

Begood, Thanks again for being here for me. I am off the horse! Back on the turtle’s shell for an easy ride.  Maybe I should super glue myself there so I don’t slide off again.

 

Glad that your taper is going so well! Hope it continues to be so successful, and knowing you, and your strength and resolve, it surely will be!

 

All the best to you always!❤️

:smitten:  Heath

Hi heath,

Sorry to barge in. But may I ask what kind of muscle problems your having. Although I hadn’t begun taper, well I did, but currently reinstated. I was aloud by script to updose by .5 more per day. So up/down dosing which I now know isn’t good.

 

I’m having upper back, neck, shoulder blade, & shoulders pain. It’s so sore that shower water hurts to touch it. The shoulderblades & upper back are the worst part. Been going on for months. Tried chiropractor a couple of times, but then thought, this could be benzo related. It really worsens as I stay on I pad longer, like burning cramped up muscle pain & upper vertebrae sore to touch.

 

I wasn’t sure what kind of doctor to go to after chiropractor. Or if should just ride it out because I’ve heard just being on benzos can cause this very bad pain

 

Sorry I’m so needy, while your unwell. Appreciate any feedback on how our symptoms may relate. Thank you hope your feeling better

Ps so holding for a month(including reinstatement)when one is unstable or has symptoms they can’t tolerateis the normal advice?

Love Scaredie

 

 

[[Sc...]]

Barbara,

I too have dental issues, a bridge that feel off and I went for my appointent and the dentist wasn;t there!! the wait was an hour and it would have been with a different dentist , I just couldn't do it . so now i have to wait 6 weeks with bared teeth and no bridge!

 

But , what I did to get through it , was I took gabapentin, it's the only way I could have managed .

Do you have anything that could help you through a day at the dentists?

I will do it again when I have to go back , as my nervous system can't tolerate anything like that without help. It's not great , but teeth must be fixed,

 

so that 's my strategy .... all I can do really withourt freaking out at the dentist.

 

love , MiYu

 

Scardie, I think you've gotten some good advice back from your posts... you're going to be ok, I also don;t think kindling is an issue , it's just your benzo brain getting " hooked" onto an idea IMO, it happens to a ll of us.

 

HAve you considered going back up by.125 ? Half of what you cut? as others said , .25 is a big reduction all at once, whatever your starting dose , it's still big drop for your brain a nd nervous system to adjust to it seems  .

It's a learning process and you will find your way,  best to start out slow and see how you do and go from there.

 

love , MiYu

Thank you,

MiYu, yes there’s been wonderful feedback. I thought about doing .125, but my pills don’t cut that dose very easily @ all & I don’t understand scale. I’m going to have to figure out an easier, best, slower way to taper when I begin again. It’s so hard with benzo brain.

I’m currently reinstated & thinking of holding for a month as I get through travel & new generic crossover. I may pay with extra fatigue, & ongoing cognitive problems, but my symptoms with my rapidly approaching travel & figuring out new generic is all too much for me right now.

 

I hope I havnt let anyone down nor lost all of the much needed support.

 

Thanks for chiming in with helpful support. I hope you get all your taper stuff figured out too.

Be well

Love Scaredie