The Long Hold Support Group

[[Ca...]]

Hi Beano sorry for the lack of response thank God for Greencup.This group gets very busy at times and posts get missed.

    I can only give my own experience and l am 6 months into a hold.For nearly 5 months l thought this isn't working however gradually things started to improve.

    Am l symptom free?No.Do l get waves? Yes.Everyone is different but l am looking at it like this l am allowing my brain to heal.I also have a lot of stress in my life at the moment so my withdrawal symptoms mirror that.

  I know that Gard held for a year perhaps he could advise you on that.

    Stut X

 

Hey, Gard is a she. I think I need a new nickname! This happens a lot.

 

I did not see one speck of improvement until 4 months. I began to have hope that the improvements were real at 6 months. I felt able to taper again at 12 months. I think Valley had a similar experience. Perhaps also Nova. They also held a very long time.

 

I think the time it takes to stabilize has to do with at least three things:

 

1. Just personal genetic differences.

 

2. Where you are when you start your hold. If you came from a really bad place (such as a rapid taper or complicated med history), it could take longer to stabilize.

 

3. What are you doing during your hold? How much daily stress are you enduring? Tapering and even the drugs themselves can make us very sensitive to stress.

 

I worked very hard to get my ducks in a row while I held. I needed to reduce some big stressors in my life and I needed to improve my coping skills. I studied and practiced Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, improved my living situation, got rid of some bad social connections, added some good social connections.

 

One other thing to consider is to make sure you are dosing often enough and not suffering from interdose withdrawal. I actually had to dose Xanax 6 times/day (including in the middle of the night) to avoid interdose withdrawal. That's why I gave up on it and switched to Librium. I simply could not get stable on Xanax.

 

I do think some people are having a toxic reaction to their drug and just need to keep tapering. But I think it's very rare. That's just my observation from reading on this and other threads.

 

One option to try to gently end a long hold is the super-slow re-entry, which goes something like this. I figure out what my daily cut would be for a daily micro-taper. Then I make only one of these tiny cuts and then wait a whole week. If I'm OK, Then I make 2 cuts in the next week. Then every other day in the next week. Then I go to daily cutting. If I go off the rails trying this, I can go back to my holding dose easily because I have barely changed it. So, if a person feels like they want to start up tapering again but aren't sure they are ready, a super-slow re-entry would be worth a try.

 

Gard(ener)

Perfect Mr Gard...!!

-Great thought and advice... (not that I would dare argue..) lol

Be well, and have a great day...

 

A Big Hi to Everyone...

 

[[ga...]]

 

Perfect Mr Gard...!!

 

 

I was just counting down for how long it would take you to chime in.  

"Cant" that mermaid wife of yours keep you in line any more?

[[ga...]]

Sorry Gard l don't know why l didn't check if you were male or female.Benzo brain haha.Great advice.l know builder held 2 years however l don't know anything more than that.l think Valley held 6 months.l could be wrong.

        Love Stut X

 

I thought that Hope76 was a guy for at least a year, but my excuse was her avatar. Like I couldn't figure out that wasn't her pic! 

 

Double-checked on V. Yes, his signature says 6 months. Then a slight updose. Then a taper. I think I remember him once saying he thought a slight updose before a hold might have been a good idea. But don't quote me quoting him. I'm a benzo brain, too!

 

Sure do miss V, but life goes on after benzos and most do move on. It's a good thing. Shows that we will one day be free, too.

 

Gard

[[St...]]

Hi Gard l worry about Valley l would love to hear how he is feeling.He was such support for everyone here.l hope you are doing well?I hope Cant is as well he never complains much.Do you notice the way l added much.

      Love Stut X

[[ga...]]

After reading you guys, gals  stories about  holding it only makes sense for me to hold. I  so want to taper  and  be done but my body isn't is saying no I'm suffering.

Looks like I'm going to hold for awhile and see how things are.

 

Welcome aboard, caltn.

 

Gard

[[ga...]]

Hi Gard l worry about Valley l would love to hear how he is feeling.He was such support for everyone here.l hope you are doing well?I hope Cant is as well he never complains much.Do you notice the way l added much.

      Love Stut X

 

Do you notice the way l added much.

 

Valley's signature says he walked off. I know he had a lot on his plate with work and family, all needing his attention. I'm just believing he decided to put his focus there. There have been others who have left quietly after they tapered, not wanting a fuss. 

 

And then there's that turtle who went silent after a big cut and nearly gave us all heart attacks. Not mentioning any names.

 

Supposed to do some volunteer work today. Should get off the computer and eat something before I go. My appetite is very up and down and I often forget to eat. That makes my anxiety go up. And then later I'm starving but feel ill if I eat a normal meal. Weird. I should just nibble all day. That would solve it. 

 

But my main symptom right now is chronic fatigue. Some anxiety with it but the chronic fatigue is the worst and is a new thing. Not sure if it's because my sleep is restless or from tapering or both. I try to accept it. I'm very grateful I'm not taking classes any more and that I don't have to work right now. I would probably be fired for sleeping at my desk. But I try to get out once a week and do something social for my mental health no matter how tired I am (as long as I can drive, that is). Social isolation is known to cause anxiety even in "healthy" people. So I will go out today, do my volunteering, and then I keel over. It will be worth it!

 

Gard

[[St...]]

Good Gard you definitely need to get out and keep living life.Hopefully the fatigue will ease off given time.Enjoy your volunteer work.

      Love Stut X

[[Ca...]]

Hi Gard l worry about Valley l would love to hear how he is feeling.He was such support for everyone here.l hope you are doing well?I hope Cant is as well he never complains much.Do you notice the way l added much.

      Love Stut X

 

Do you notice the way l added much.

 

Valley's signature says he walked off. I know he had a lot on his plate with work and family, all needing his attention. I'm just believing he decided to put his focus there. There have been others who have left quietly after they tapered, not wanting a fuss. 

 

And then there's that turtle who went silent after a big cut and nearly gave us all heart attacks. Not mentioning any names.

 

Supposed to do some volunteer work today. Should get off the computer and eat something before I go. My appetite is very up and down and I often forget to eat. That makes my anxiety go up. And then later I'm starving but feel ill if I eat a normal meal. Weird. I should just nibble all day. That would solve it. 

 

But my main symptom right now is chronic fatigue. Some anxiety with it but the chronic fatigue is the worst and is a new thing. Not sure if it's because my sleep is restless or from tapering or both. I try to accept it. I'm very grateful I'm not taking classes any more and that I don't have to work right now. I would probably be fired for sleeping at my desk. But I try to get out once a week and do something social for my mental health no matter how tired I am (as long as I can drive, that is). Social isolation is known to cause anxiety even in "healthy" people. So I will go out today, do my volunteering, and then I keel over. It will be worth it!

 

Gard

lol, -When im sick, im too sick to complain... (he says)..!!

 

Miss Mermaid is doing a supurb job, and saving you all from pulling your hair out..!!

-Prob has a different view on my complaint level too..!!

 

For the record, about week 6 post going back to 0.25V, -I messed up trying to jump from 0.5V (I kept forgetting to dose), and I think im getting to the end of my 2nd wave, but its not clear like before...

Mainly GI cramping, and -well, -Everything...

Just think Zombie...

Daylight is still a huge factor in triggering a days SX...

 

Brain fog is keeping my posts short...  Sorry...

 

Night all, -Way past bed time...

-Thanks for being here..!!

 

 

[[St...]]

Get a good sleep and l hope tomorrow is a better day for you Cant.

    Love Stut X

[[Su...]]

SS: sorry to be dense. But....you hold liquid when you feel like u need to? Just keep taking same liquid dose for a while and not taper? New to liquid thing so trying to figure it out. I’ve been holding dry for ages but wasn’t sure if I could do same liquid.

 

NJ; Hope upside helps u get stable until u r ready to go again. You’ll get through.

Not dense bluepill- it is hard to understand and I do it daily!

I had been tapering with part liquid/ part pill for awhile.  The dosage where I am holding from (.17 Xanax) allows me to take some in pill form and some in liquid.  I take 3/4 of my dose in pill form and the rest in liquid. Pills come in .25 mg doses so  if I had gone back to all pill form it would have required an updose that I didn't want to do.

I knew I needed to hold at my current dose so  I am holding everything at the moment and have for two months.

 

The liquid portion simply allows me to be very precise with tiny increments of tapering.  (When i switched to all liquid I was slammed with sxs -- a contentious issue here on BB)  When I went back to mostly pill form and some liquid I could tolerate the liquid just fine.

 

Hope this makes more sense?  Let me know if I need to clarify anything further.

SS

[[li...]]

Hi Turtles. I am down to .028 Xanax after more than 2 years of taper. I hit a wave/ setback one month ago. Its my own doing. I started intense exercise during a super stressful period and I crashed.

 

My sxs are chronic fatigue, weakness, anxiety . Its nowhere near as bad as when I was in an acute 2.5 years ago and reinstated.

 

I am holding again, waiting for my body to heal and resuming the last little bit. This tiny bit is probably negligible. Hoping to walk off

[[Ju...]]

Have most of you healed in a hold that lasts three months?  And then able to reduce further without bad symptoms?

 

I read on this thread of a six-month hold before getting off the last 1 mg. of Valium.  And then reducing only .1 mg. Valium per month.

 

Someone else said that I could jump at 1 mg. Valium.

 

So the advice is conflicting. 

 

I appreciate this thread very much.  I healed from fatigue in my two-year hold; it took me a year and nine months of fatigue, but then it lifted.  So I was able to go pretty fast as I reduced from 4 mg.

 

Holds work.  It does get tedious, and it is hard to be patient in a hold.

 

Thank you for reading and reflecting on my questions.

[[Ca...]]

Get a good sleep and l hope tomorrow is a better day for you Cant.

    Love Stut X

Today IS a much better day thanks Stut..!! Just a bit weak and shakey, -much like the day after a flu or gastro bug...

Just having my first cuppa, and fingers crossed...

 

I So hope Everyone else has a much better day Tomorrow too...

 

[[Ca...]]

Have most of you healed in a hold that lasts three months?  And then able to reduce further without bad symptoms?

 

I read on this thread of a six-month hold before getting off the last 1 mg. of Valium.  And then reducing only .1 mg. Valium per month.

 

Someone else said that I could jump at 1 mg. Valium.

 

So the advice is conflicting. 

 

I appreciate this thread very much.  I healed from fatigue in my two-year hold; it took me a year and nine months of fatigue, but then it lifted.  So I was able to go pretty fast as I reduced from 4 mg.

 

Holds work.  It does get tedious, and it is hard to be patient in a hold.

 

Thank you for reading and reflecting on my questions.

Hi, I replied on the 321 thread.. -kinda... But here is good...

 

Im sure some can Jump from 1v, -probably even from 5v... -or higher...

Sadly there are an awful lot of us that cant...!!

 

You have done a fantastic taper so far, by your sig...

Wish you the best as you continue your journey...

 

[[bl...]]

Ss; got it. Thank you!

 

Hi other buddies! I need to hold too. It’s so tempting to rush but what good is a year of suffering on the back end? Granted I’d love to toss my scale and syringes and liquid and pill cutters but then my kitchen would look so empty. 

 

Sending good wishes. Hope you’re doing ok Stut..,

[[St...]]

Good news Cant hopefully you are through the worst of it and things will gradually settle down.

    Hi Bluepill glad you are holding for a while to let your brain heal.l am doing not too bad l am taking it one day at a time and letting everything settle down.l feel so much better than l did.Thank you for asking.

    Hi Julianna it would be a risk and l certainly wouldn't do it.l think your taper is going really well and I would hate to see you falling at the final hurdle.

      To everyone holding l hope everything settles down for you soon.

    Heath l hope you are ok and you and your husband are dealing with your loss.

    Love to all.Stut X

[[Ca...]]

Ss; got it. Thank you!

 

Hi other buddies! I need to hold too. It’s so tempting to rush but what good is a year of suffering on the back end? Granted I’d love to toss my scale and syringes and liquid and pill cutters but then my kitchen would look so empty. 

 

Sending good wishes. Hope you’re doing ok Stut..,

an empty kitchen..!! -oh for that problem...!!

All the best with holding...

 

 

[[NJ...]]

Have most of you healed in a hold that lasts three months?  And then able to reduce further without bad symptoms?

 

I read on this thread of a six-month hold before getting off the last 1 mg. of Valium.  And then reducing only .1 mg. Valium per month.

 

Someone else said that I could jump at 1 mg. Valium.

 

So the advice is conflicting. 

 

I appreciate this thread very much.  I healed from fatigue in my two-year hold; it took me a year and nine months of fatigue, but then it lifted.  So I was able to go pretty fast as I reduced from 4 mg.

 

Holds work.  It does get tedious, and it is hard to be patient in a hold.

 

Thank you for reading and reflecting on my questions.

 

This is obviously only my opinion and I don't think there is any real research.

 

I don't think you heal in a six month hold; but I think there is significant healing during that time. And, as you found from your two year hold, I think that long holds can get us to a place where we can taper again.

 

I am not near the end of my taper and not on V, but I would continue to taper down to ensure a smoother walk off, as others have advised.

 

Your story of your two year hold and others who have done really long holds may have me rethinking what I do next. I haven't updated my signature yet but updosed back to .4 mg of K from .35 on Tuesday. I seem to be having some reduction in the nausea, which may be coincidence, have to see. My plan was to hold here until mid-August but maybe longer does make sense. It is so hard not to push and rush, but every time I do that I get in trouble. And my life continues to be a tad more stressful than I would like right now. The transition to the new job has been bumpy. And, I am almost embarrassed to say this, but another company has started wooing me (they found me through LinkedIn, I am not applying to jobs anymore!), more money there, shorter commute .... I did a phone interview with them last week and have an in-person interview Monday. Life is messy sometime. And my mom's health continues to fail, and pre-menopause is not kind to me. So maybe a long hold and really, really tiny cuts when I start up again make sense.

 

Hope all the buddies have a good weekend.

 

 

[[Ju...]]

I held for two years because I was thinking that I just couldn't get off Valium at all.  But my balance continued to be affected, and I was very dissatisfied about that.  So I tried again and was pleasantly surprised.  No nightmares.  I think I was cutting too much way back when the nightmares started.

 

It is ironic that just about the time that I was healed, I started the process all over again.  All of us are benefiting greatly from this forum, seeing that others are out there cheering us on.  Thank you!

[[Su...]]

Ss; got it. Thank you!

 

Hi other buddies! I need to hold too. It’s so tempting to rush but what good is a year of suffering on the back end? Granted I’d love to toss my scale and syringes and liquid and pill cutters but then my kitchen would look so empty. 

 

Sending good wishes. Hope you’re doing ok Stut..,

:laugh: never was good at chemistry labs in school.  Now I could ace them!

SS

[[Gr...]]

Ah yes, chemistry lab.  I am so much more practical about this now.  It's funny to think that this is the chemistry my college education prepared me for. 

 

I am entering my THIRD month of this hold.  Last night, I couldn't sleep and it was also very hot and uncomfortable and we don't have our AC up in the windows yet.  I tried some cannabis very very high in CBD and little to none THC.  Well that was different because I still felt high, but it was just a different sort of high.  I did NOT get sleepy or want to lie down even, in fact I felt pretty relaxed and super talkative.  I think next time I will try to combine the CBD with some Indica.  I do think the CBD is beneficial towards relaxing, but not necessarily sleeping.

 

My night's sleep was awful again.  I often think that I am awake, and just thinking about things, and then I will reach for my phone and realize that I was actually asleep.  My sleep is so broken and this morning was so difficult to get up and out of bed. I got my son to school 5 minutes late, and it was all my fault.  At least it was just 5 minutes and the school expects us to be 10-15 minutes late at this point, so nothing really too out of the ordinary. 

[[Su...]]

Have most of you healed in a hold that lasts three months?  And then able to reduce further without bad symptoms?

 

I read on this thread of a six-month hold before getting off the last 1 mg. of Valium.  And then reducing only .1 mg. Valium per month.

 

Someone else said that I could jump at 1 mg. Valium.

 

So the advice is conflicting. 

 

I appreciate this thread very much.  I healed from fatigue in my two-year hold; it took me a year and nine months of fatigue, but then it lifted.  So I was able to go pretty fast as I reduced from 4 mg.

 

Holds work.  It does get tedious, and it is hard to be patient in a hold.

 

Thank you for reading and reflecting on my questions.

 

This is obviously only my opinion and I don't think there is any real research.

 

I don't think you heal in a six month hold; but I think there is significant healing during that time. And, as you found from your two year hold, I think that long holds can get us to a place where we can taper again.

 

I am not near the end of my taper and not on V, but I would continue to taper down to ensure a smoother walk off, as others have advised.

 

Your story of your two year hold and others who have done really long holds may have me rethinking what I do next. I haven't updated my signature yet but updosed back to .4 mg of K from .35 on Tuesday. I seem to be having some reduction in the nausea, which may be coincidence, have to see. My plan was to hold here until mid-August but maybe longer does make sense. It is so hard not to push and rush, but every time I do that I get in trouble. And my life continues to be a tad more stressful than I would like right now. The transition to the new job has been bumpy. And, I am almost embarrassed to say this, but another company has started wooing me (they found me through LinkedIn, I am not applying to jobs anymore!), more money there, shorter commute .... I did a phone interview with them last week and have an in-person interview Monday. Life is messy sometime. And my mom's health continues to fail, and pre-menopause is not kind to me. So maybe a long hold and really, really tiny cuts when I start up again make sense.

 

Hope all the buddies have a good weekend.

 

Hi NJ,

Good to hear that the updose is having some positive effects.

Wild that you are bing headhunted, and could possibly start a new job again.  Testimony to you!

I too decided that I don't really care how long it takes me to get off this stuff if my quality of life is severely effected.  And this two month hold has shown me, reminded me of what life looks like when I am functional.  Too old to have too many years lying in bed for this reason at this point.

Sorry to hear about your Mom's health being precarious....

Hope you have a great weekend and that you're offered a great job close to home.

SS

[[ch...]]

Hi there all. Really hoping I don't have to be in this situation. Started taper in June 17 of 15 mg valium. Was doing well until October 17 when I hit 5 mg and things have been pretty much crap allround. Tried water and chemist liquid, both of which gave me nightmares, so back to powder, cutting 10% per two weeks. then 7%, now 5% but still getting worse. Am currently at 2.5% since last week. Was using daily microcut for about 2 months but I think my scales are dicky. Local pharmacist has sourced a non alcohol based liquid which I will try soon. I am quite terrified of it but cannot see a way to measure pills at this small dose. Holding longer would not bother me if a: I stabilised and b: valium did not become harder to get, as I have heard, here in Australia. Any thoughts, ideas or suggestions welcome. One last thing..how many of you felt a fair bit better on valium using long holds and how then would you know when to cut/isn't tolerance withdrawal an actual issue?

[[To...]]

Ah yes, chemistry lab.  I am so much more practical about this now.  It's funny to think that this is the chemistry my college education prepared me for. 

 

I am entering my THIRD month of this hold.  Last night, I couldn't sleep and it was also very hot and uncomfortable and we don't have our AC up in the windows yet.  I tried some cannabis very very high in CBD and little to none THC.  Well that was different because I still felt high, but it was just a different sort of high.  I did NOT get sleepy or want to lie down even, in fact I felt pretty relaxed and super talkative.  I think next time I will try to combine the CBD with some Indica.  I do think the CBD is beneficial towards relaxing, but not necessarily sleeping.

 

My night's sleep was awful again.  I often think that I am awake, and just thinking about things, and then I will reach for my phone and realize that I was actually asleep.  My sleep is so broken and this morning was so difficult to get up and out of bed. I got my son to school 5 minutes late, and it was all my fault.  At least it was just 5 minutes and the school expects us to be 10-15 minutes late at this point, so nothing really too out of the ordinary.

GC, sorry to hear about sleep troubles -- truly the scourge of benzo w/d imo. Hope the CBD/Indica combo works for you. How much sleep are you getting in total (albeit broken)?

 

[[To...]]

I've been spending as much time as I can in the Success Stories area. I wish there were more of them -- only 7 in total were newly posted in the month of May. I've gone back and read a number of older ones, but I am running out of fresh(er) material.

 

I also feel like I missed something reading posts now vs. what I think I was reading last year. Somehow, I had the impression that post jump withdrawal would not be as difficult or as long of a road. I knew there would be an acute stage, but I seem to be seeing more and more big waves hitting posters across BB at 12-18-24 months and it is making me feel that I still have an eternity left to go. Maybe I don't - we're all different - but I have not had a window yet and I want to feel like I can count on things improving in this decade, let alone this year!

 

Maybe I could have wrangled another few months of tapering from my doctor (would have been tough to do) and held longer -- maybe it would have made a difference or perhaps just postponed the inevitable.

 

I'd be interested to hear what my Long Hold buddies think about the outlook for the months post jump - are you thinking years or months as your timeline to feeling reasonably better?