The Long Hold Support Group

[[Ba...]]

What strain was it???

[[Ma...]]

Medical marijuana is a great idea!! So many people I know never took benzos in the first place because pot gives them the same effects without all the drawbacks. I wish it worked for me, I live in a legal state. Alas, it is not my medicine but I really really hope it works for you!!

 

I started tapering again 2 days ago after a month hold. Not feeling very good today, if fact I have spent the whole day in bed but I'm hoping to stabilize soon, I cut from 2mg V to 1.75mg V, and hoping to hold here for awhile. Love you you all. 

 

Hope u feel better soon OKitty :smitten:

[[La...]]

Sorry I haven't been here in a while to offer support

 

We've actually been having a really rough time.

 

Anyway, back on 4/22 we got hit with a really bad wave (we're still in a state of shock, we honestly thought we were headed for a settling, since prior to 4/22 we were getting lots of pockets of calm and had one of our best days on 4/7)

 

We've been struggling since then. It seems like the wave stirred up all these GI symptoms, which was truly the LAST thing we needed since she basically has a phobia about going to the bathroom.  (Without going into too much detail, the problem seems to be constant bathroom trips for tiny amounts of output. Honestly, this symptom wouldn't be a problem by itself, the whole problem is that it is coinciding in time with the bathroom phobia).

 

So, there's nothing we can do but continue to hold. But I have to say we are so scared that this will never settle down.  We honestly thought that after holding for 8 months (the bad wave happened a week after holding for 7 months), we would be in a better place by now.

[[Ca...]]

Sorry I haven't been here in a while to offer support

 

We've actually been having a really rough time.

 

Anyway, back on 4/22 we got hit with a really bad wave (we're still in a state of shock, we honestly thought we were headed for a settling, since prior to 4/22 we were getting lots of pockets of calm and had one of our best days on 4/7)

 

We've been struggling since then. It seems like the wave stirred up all these GI symptoms, which was truly the LAST thing we needed since she basically has a phobia about going to the bathroom.  (Without going into too much detail, the problem seems to be constant bathroom trips for tiny amounts of output. Honestly, this symptom wouldn't be a problem by itself, the whole problem is that it is coinciding in time with the bathroom phobia).

 

So, there's nothing we can do but continue to hold. But I have to say we are so scared that this will never settle down.  We honestly thought that after holding for 8 months (the bad wave happened a week after holding for 7 months), we would be in a better place by now.

Hi there Laura,

So sorry to hear that, You must be so fed up... What a toll this is taking...

Not sure if the reductions were too big or fast, but im sure you looked at this...

 

I think I mentioned Prucalopride to you a long time ago...

Not so much for a mild laxative as labled, but off lable and low dose it can re-regulate upper peristalsis...

I do wonder if its worth a read up... ncbi has studies relating to WD...

 

Stay strong and look after yourself too...

 

[[Ma...]]

Sorry I haven't been here in a while to offer support

 

We've actually been having a really rough time.

 

Anyway, back on 4/22 we got hit with a really bad wave (we're still in a state of shock, we honestly thought we were headed for a settling, since prior to 4/22 we were getting lots of pockets of calm and had one of our best days on 4/7)

 

We've been struggling since then. It seems like the wave stirred up all these GI symptoms, which was truly the LAST thing we needed since she basically has a phobia about going to the bathroom.  (Without going into too much detail, the problem seems to be constant bathroom trips for tiny amounts of output. Honestly, this symptom wouldn't be a problem by itself, the whole problem is that it is coinciding in time with the bathroom phobia).

 

So, there's nothing we can do but continue to hold. But I have to say we are so scared that this will never settle down.  We honestly thought that after holding for 8 months (the bad wave happened a week after holding for 7 months), we would be in a better place by now.

 

I'm so sorry about your mom and you.  This has to be one of the hardest thing to go through, send you both lots of well wishes 

[[Gr...]]

Ginger,

 

Glad to know that a small updose can help. I cannot believe what a huge difference these tiny cuts make.

 

Greencup,

 

I really hope that the medical marijuana helps me with sleep. I am concerned about becoming overly dependent on something else though, so will really have to make sure i don't rely on it exclusively. But first I need to get my card and see if it helps at all. It's my last shot at trying to find some normalcy among the craziness.

 

Alright, so last night, I was very tired, but I knew to smoke pot anyway, cause it would help me sleep deeper and stay asleep.  Well about 15 minutes after I smoked it,  man, I just suddenly felt like I had accomplished nothing with my life and started crying.  My husband was super nice, and said, this HAS to be the pot talking, and I agreed.  But wow...I was in such a panic all of a sudden.  On the up side, I slept very well.  There's definitely some cons to the pot as well.  Nothing is 100%. 

[[To...]]

I just did an updose of my last cut.  The last 3 months I've been much the same as you NJ.  The nausea was terrible and relentless, anxiety, insommnia, you name it.

 

I've had a strong feeling that I needed to reverse my very small cut but just did not want to go backward.  Finally five days ago I just did it.  I feel human again, no more heart pounding anxiety.  Sleeping w/o needing an OTC sleep aid.  Nausea gone.

It was the best decision.  I will hold as long as it takes and then start again.  My updose was only .002 but what a difference.

 

TMB,  when you did not post for so long I was very concerned.  I'm sorry you have had such a horrendous time.  Finally you seem to have your head above water and I'm glad.  I fear the same about Valley, it is not like him to be absent so long. 

 

For everyone else struggling, this is so hard.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  This is a wonderful supportive group.

 

Hi Ginger - so glad to hear from you. Glad you adjusted back on your cut and it worked out.

 

I was off the board for 3 months. Couldn't even log in. Things were horrible then. They're just 'bad' now. However, the trend line is not good. Seeing my therapist today - she's been unavailable to me for past 3 weeks which has also set me back.

 

I have some additional stressors which are happening now that are throttling me some on top of the waves already there.

 

Trying to keep from hitting bottom again. Wish I could tell a better tale.

 

Be well....

 

 

[[La...]]

Mary and Can't -

 

Thanks for the support.  We just try to get through each day, hoping that it eventually settles.  I can't be on here much, because I spend most of my time with her (helping her to the bathroom--she needs some hand holding).

 

 

[[Su...]]

Sorry I haven't been here in a while to offer support

 

We've actually been having a really rough time.

 

Anyway, back on 4/22 we got hit with a really bad wave (we're still in a state of shock, we honestly thought we were headed for a settling, since prior to 4/22 we were getting lots of pockets of calm and had one of our best days on 4/7)

 

We've been struggling since then. It seems like the wave stirred up all these GI symptoms, which was truly the LAST thing we needed since she basically has a phobia about going to the bathroom.  (Without going into too much detail, the problem seems to be constant bathroom trips for tiny amounts of output. Honestly, this symptom wouldn't be a problem by itself, the whole problem is that it is coinciding in time with the bathroom phobia).

 

So, there's nothing we can do but continue to hold. But I have to say we are so scared that this will never settle down.  We honestly thought that after holding for 8 months (the bad wave happened a week after holding for 7 months), we would be in a better place by now.

 

Laura,

So sorry to hear that a new wave has hit.  Hopefully it will be a short one and the calm that was achieved will be back and lasting.  I've been wondering about you and your sis since you hadn't been on here. Thanks so much for the update! 

somehow we'll all get through this -- of that I am sure... and in the meantime we have each other....

:smitten:

SS

[[NJ...]]

Barbara,

 

There is a whole thread on BB about marijuana and CBD ... you may want to check it out. My sleep is such a wreck and nausea is completely out of control, I have to try something. I am not sure if I am going to be able to keep working if I don't stabilize soon. My therapist insists I will sleep with the marijuana. I just don't know, I have never used any "illegal" drugs before. Just the prescriptions that are terrible for us! 

 

I just wish I knew why the daytime nausea is as bad as it is, because it is 10 times worse than normal, and I even got sick once this week.

 

This is incredibly difficult but not sure how much hormones play a role in the last week.  Being in periomenopause is not fun.

 

I have a huge deadline at work tomorrow and am completely overwhelmed as well, and traveling for the holiday, which I feel is going to push me right over the edge, but hopefully I can make it through.

[[St...]]

Hi folks

  NJ l am so sorry you are suffering so much.l think you are doing the right thing.You have nothing to lose.l haven't got that option but if you have take.

    Laura I feel so sorry for you all.l can only say l am sending love to you all and praying that things settle down for you.Please look after yourselves as well.

    Cant, begood, Barbara,SS, Greencup,Heath and everyone else l hope everything goes smoothly for you.

    I am changing my mindset on this whole holding business.Instead of focusing on stabilising l am holding to allow my brain to heal.Stability is different for everyone and expectations can be too high.lt took me 10 plus years to get to this so I must give my brain time to recover .

    Sorry for rambling.

      Love Stut X

[[be...]]

Hi folks

  NJ l am so sorry you are suffering so much.l think you are doing the right thing.You have nothing to lose.l haven't got that option but if you have take.

    Laura I feel so sorry for you all.l can only say l am sending love to you all and praying that things settle down for you.Please look after yourselves as well.

    Cant, begood, Barbara,SS, Greencup,Heath and everyone else l hope everything goes smoothly for you.

    I am changing my mindset on this whole holding business.Instead of focusing on stabilising l am holding to allow my brain to heal.Stability is different for everyone and expectations can be too high.lt took me 10 plus years to get to this so I must give my brain time to recover .

    Sorry for rambling.

      Love Stut X

Amen, my thoughts exactly, and the Brain does indeed heal, but we have to allow it all the time it needs. Of course I have hoards of Valium socked away and I can do this, but for me it is the only way. My Brain was tortured by two horrific tapers and now I am trying to let it mend and it will given time and patience, this third and final taper, I call my Healing Taper.

 

Glad you liked the songs. 💖 Peace and Healing Hugs.

[[St...]]

Loved them begood.Not be long until you are flushing all the valium away.That will be a great day.

    Love Stut X

[[be...]]

Loved them begood.Not be long until you are flushing all the valium away.That will be a great day.

    Love Stut X

:smitten:

[[To...]]

Hi Buddies. Please take a look at more background on what happened to me after jumping in January and an interesting medicine twist that I did not expect that may have got me out of the deepest hole. I'd like to get your take on it. Thank you!

...

I was desperate in acute withdrawal after jumping in mid January. I lost the ability to sleep. My days were horrific affairs, pacing, racing thoughts, panic. Nights were no sleep, drenched in sweat, electric waves coursing through my body, pacing throughout the house, racing thoughts, etc. etc.

 

I couldn't eat, had GI issues, lost 15 pounds, became sensitive to light, very paranoid, health anxiety, lost muscle tone, could not handle having the TV on, or music playing. Couldn't talk to anybody. Felt like I was on the verge of hyperventilating all the time. Withdrew from everything and everybody. Turned my phone off...

 

No doctors could help and they tried to give me everything to try and get me some sleep. Lots of anti-psychotics (you name them) and of course ADs (esp. zoloft). I tried them (not because I wanted to, but my family pleaded with me to follow the doctors advice, as they were desperate too). Of course, they did not work and I had to get off of them very quickly.

 

Finally, I got in to see a psychiatrist who wound up diagnosing me as having ADHD. After this, he said we could find out real quick with Ritalin -- that if it did not get me more wired and jumpy, it very likely would be confirming ADHD if I instead got more focused and functional.

 

I did not believe for one second that I was ADHD then -- although sleep deprivation had me crazed — not sure that I believe it now. I did try it, though, and it did not rev me up or make me jumpy. I actually began to function during the daytime. I also started to get some sleep - 2 hours or so the first few nights.

 

I have now been on the ritalin (1 per day, 18mg, extended release) for maybe nearly 2 months. My sleep is up to about 4-4.5 hours most nights and I have been more functional during the day, doing more things. I was particularly worried that the stimulant effect of the ritalin would further hurt my sleep, but it didn’t.

 

In some respects, this saved me -- or maybe it is somehow a coincidence with something else i.e. 'time'? It does nothing to curb my anxiety or panic attacks, which have been consistently very heavy. But all the other stuff I mentioned is gone: I can eat, I put back some weight, I can watch TV, I am reconnecting with my friends. I am still miserable and I am in constant worry and have lots of issues, but I cannot deny that I climbed out of the deepest part of deep hole concurrent with the ritalin.

 

Could it be that it causes increases in dopamine which is in short supply during w/d? I don’t know. Of course, I am on about the lowest dose and the last thing I wanted to do was to take another psych med (I resisted mightily), but here I am. I have to worry about some future point when I will have to taper off of it, I guess. I also have no idea whether rebalancing my CNS, especially GABA receptors, will be thrown off by any of this. Then again, maybe I am ADHD, and was never treated properly for it….

 

What do you think?

[[Bi...]]

Wow, TooMany Bennies, it sure sounds to me as if you might have ADHD! So many people do. If you do, so what right? You stay off benzos and take Ritalin and live life again. Just my opinion of course.

 

Best of luck with this!

 

Beth

[[St...]]

Hi TMB l am going to ask you as you know yourself better than anyone.Do you think you have ADHD? What you suffered at the beginning sounds like acute withdrawal but that is only my opinion.l would stay on the ritalin until you are further down the line then see how you feel.

    I think that withdrawal symptoms mimic a lot of illnesses and disorders and l think the only way to know for sure is when you are suffering less withdrawal symptoms see if you need the ritalin.

    Stut X

[[He...]]

Sorry i have been absent for the most part lately. There was a death in the family, my most beloved brother in law. A kinder, sweeter, more wonderful man could never be found on this earth. . Things are very stressful right now. I decided to hold again at least until things have settled down. Right now I am doing fine as far as withdrawal goes but I sure know what COULD hapeen...so not taking any chances....I’m holding again.

 

LAURA, IM SO SORRY YOU AR STILL HAVING SUCH A DIFFICULT TIME WITH YOUR SISTER.

I WISH IN OUKD GOVE YOU SOME ADVICE, BUTHOLDING , I BELIEVE IS THE RIGHT THING. Oops sorry for the capitals.

 

I read that so many buddies here continue to be in such long waves. I hope you stay strong. Remember time and patience is always in your favor.

 

Too manybennies,

 

that adhd duagnosis was really a surprise! But,hey, if adhd is what is adding to your major wdsx, and it works, so be it! But be cautious,  I’m thinking,perhaps, this adhd affect is another part of your withdrawal. And it may be a wdsx that will also disappear on its own after some more months, just like anyone else who has protracted side effects.

So what I mean is, please try to get off the Ritalin  as soon as you can once you feel your acute stage is behind you. Ask the doc if, every so often, maybe every  6 weeks or so, you can stop the Ritalin and see what happens? You really dont want to stay on Ritalin longer than necessary. Thatcan be a big problem too!

 

I hope everyone out there fins some way to lessen there wdsx and can have a better way to get through this.  ((((((HUGS))))))) to everyone.

 

Heath

[[Gr...]]

Hey TMB-  My opinion is that Ritalin, like many of the psychiatric drugs, makes you feel good.  I think you really did need something that would do that for you.  Maybe you have some attention problems, but I think that is normal during withdrawal.  I would be careful taking another addictive drug like Ritalin, I'm not sure how hard that is to come off of.  But, the fact that you have some relief now, is good.  I would be very happy about that. 

 

Heathcliff-  So sorry about your brother-in-law.  May he RIP.

[[St...]]

Sorry to hear the sad news Heath.l hope your husband is holding up.A hold is probably for the best at this sad time.

    You are always missed.

  Love Stut X

[[be...]]

Sorry i have been absent for the most part lately. There was a death in the family, my most beloved brother in law. A kinder, sweeter, more wonderful man could never be found on this earth. . Things are very stressful right now. I decided to hold again at least until things have settled down. Right now I am doing fine as far as withdrawal goes but I sure know what COULD hapeen...so not taking any chances....I’m holding again.

 

LAURA, IM SO SORRY YOU AR STILL HAVING SUCH A DIFFICULT TIME WITH YOUR SISTER.

I WISH IN OUKD GOVE YOU SOME ADVICE, BUTHOLDING , I BELIEVE IS THE RIGHT THING. Oops sorry for the capitals.

 

I read that so many buddies here continue to be in such long waves. I hope you stay strong. Remember time and patience is always in your favor.

 

Too manybennies,

 

that adhd duagnosis was really a surprise! But,hey, if adhd is what is adding to your major wdsx, and it works, so be it! But be cautious,  I’m thinking,perhaps, this adhd affect is another part of your withdrawal. And it may be a wdsx that will also disappear on its own after some more months, just like anyone else who has protracted side effects.

So what I mean is, please try to get off the Ritalin  as soon as you can once you feel your acute stage is behind you. Ask the doc if, every so often, maybe every  6 weeks or so, you can stop the Ritalin and see what happens? You really dont want to stay on Ritalin longer than necessary. Thatcan be a big problem too!

 

I hope everyone out there fins some way to lessen there wdsx and can have a better way to get through this.  ((((((HUGS))))))) to everyone.

 

Heath

Heath so sorry about your brother-in law, I found this quote for you and I think it speaks to the heart. 💖 Peace and Healing Hugs.

 

"Wishing you peace to bring comfort, courage to face the days ahead and loving memories to forever hold in your heart."~AU

[[Su...]]

Heath,

so sorry to hear about your brother in law..... so difficult.

And TMB I think right now you are needing something to allow you function and to get some sleep and relief from a LONG period of hanging by your toe nails.

So yes with the caution that I know you will use, let's hear it for ritalin helping -- especially with the sleep.  I think with sleep many other sxs are tolerable -- without sleep, things just get nuts...

So glad to hear that you are getting some relief.

SS

[[Ma...]]

Heath,

so sorry to hear about your brother in law..... so difficult.

And TMB I think right now you are needing something to allow you function and to get some sleep and relief from a LONG period of hanging by your toe nails.

So yes with the caution that I know you will use, let's hear it for ritalin helping -- especially with the sleep.  I think with sleep many other sxs are tolerable -- without sleep, things just get nuts...

So glad to hear that you are getting some relief.

SS

 

I am very sorry about your brother-in-law.

 

Please be very careful with the Ritalin.  I can't help but be afraid it will rev up your cns.  Research

I hope you find it's an okay drug for u to take.

[[Gi...]]

TMB,  I tend to agree with Stut, Heath and Green about the ADHD and ritalin.  It pulled you back from the brink and has given you some slight relief and that's wonderful.  Still, if you truly have ADHD I think it is because of acute withdrawal unless you had it before.

 

May I suggest you look up Dr Peter Breggin.  He is on You Tube and has several books.  I have read his "Medication Madness".  He is a psychiatrist in New York who has been warning about all psych drugs for 30 years.

You may be able to find some information on ritalin, and how, when the time comes, to taper off of it.  He has strong opinions about it but also says benzos ate the hardest to get off of.  It was reading his advice that convinced me to make a small updose to the last dose I felt good at.

 

Heath,  I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  The death of a beloved family member leaves one bereft.  It takes time passing, a lot of time, to begin to move past the sadness.

 

 

[[To...]]

Sorry i have been absent for the most part lately. There was a death in the family, my most beloved brother in law. A kinder, sweeter, more wonderful man could never be found on this earth. . Things are very stressful right now. I decided to hold again at least until things have settled down. Right now I am doing fine as far as withdrawal goes but I sure know what COULD hapeen...so not taking any chances....I’m holding again.

 

LAURA, IM SO SORRY YOU AR STILL HAVING SUCH A DIFFICULT TIME WITH YOUR SISTER.

I WISH IN OUKD GOVE YOU SOME ADVICE, BUTHOLDING , I BELIEVE IS THE RIGHT THING. Oops sorry for the capitals.

 

I read that so many buddies here continue to be in such long waves. I hope you stay strong. Remember time and patience is always in your favor.

 

Too manybennies,

 

that adhd duagnosis was really a surprise! But,hey, if adhd is what is adding to your major wdsx, and it works, so be it! But be cautious,  I’m thinking,perhaps, this adhd affect is another part of your withdrawal. And it may be a wdsx that will also disappear on its own after some more months, just like anyone else who has protracted side effects.

So what I mean is, please try to get off the Ritalin  as soon as you can once you feel your acute stage is behind you. Ask the doc if, every so often, maybe every  6 weeks or so, you can stop the Ritalin and see what happens? You really dont want to stay on Ritalin longer than necessary. Thatcan be a big problem too!

 

I hope everyone out there fins some way to lessen there wdsx and can have a better way to get through this.  ((((((HUGS))))))) to everyone.

 

Heath

 

Heath - so sorry for your loss. A hold is a good idea as you weather this difficult time.