The Long Hold Support Group

[[To...]]

Hi buddies.

 

I wish I had better news - I am seeing a recurrence of panic attacks and overall anxiety. I spent February and March with all-day/night panic and near zero sleep for weeks. For just the past 4+ weeks I have been able to settle down and get 4+ hours of sleep on average. But, Saturday night I got 2 hours and the past two mornings I woke up at 4am and was in a panic for 3-4 hours.

 

It's wearing me down and I am really, really scared about falling back into the abyss that Feb and Mar were. Of course, that fear just leads to a vicious cycle creating more fear.

 

It's been tough for the people around me, as well. My wife sees me struggling and bursts into tears. I feel so frustrated and want to jump out of my skin. I feel so vulnerable with there being no option for anything to take the edge off.

 

I'm sorry to lay this on the group, but I do find comfort here. It helps a bit to just write it down.

 

Hi too many Bennies...

 

Just read your post and signature.

If I am reading it right, looks like you went from 1mg to 0 and jumped  in just a little over 4 1/2 months!

That’s a reduction of about 20% a month!

 

Whoa baby! That’s such a big reduction no wonder you are in a bad spot!

Seems to me IMO you should do an updose and then hold until you are stable. Then you’ll be able to start again and taper SLOWLY AND WITH CUTS OF 5% or maybe a bit larger of a cut if you can handle it.... but 20%?  NO WAY!

 

Yourlast 4 months of your taper have been way to aggressive.  Your brain can not handle that. It is screaming out now, with wdsx, to tell you it needs time to adjust to cuts (that it can handle) and it cannot handle 20%.

Slow down Bennies!

I truly believe an updose of whatever you feel will help, and then a hold for as long as it takes, before cutting again, will help you enormously.

 

If you decide to updose, Please don’t continue with those big % cuts. I believe it will just set you back again with unmanageable wdsx.

 

Take care, be cautious! Be patient and strong. Don’t let that benzo devil rush you ahead into wdsx and further wasted time, because you will have to updose to save yourself and the start your taper all over again!

 

Good luck, whatever you decide...

I hope someone with more experience with updosing will chime in here soon.

 

Heath

 

Thanks, Heath, for your very thoughtful response.

 

No doubt my taper was aggressive and took a little over a year in total. I was going to be in a supply predicament and I was able to negotiate with my doctor the taper plan that I wound up employing. She would have had me do it in half the time.

 

I did feel that because I did a micro taper for the last few months, that I was going to have a softer landing.

 

I did have some significant new life stressors that occurred shortly after I jumped and that blew my circuits as well.

 

At this point, 4+ months out, I am hoping that I hit bottom and am somehow clawing back. Reinstating is something I thought about many times, but I always concluded that the short term relief it would bring would then mean kindling and another potentially more violent w/d process (I would also have to doctor shop to insure supply). I am not sure I would survive that.

 

So, I am stuck. I've seen some stories of buddies seeing amazing changes for the better at 6 months or 8 months out. We're all different so who knows.

 

The good news is that I can now login to this site and type semi lucid posts where I couldn't even look at the site for nearly 3 months. While I am bleary eyed and tired most of the time, I am out of bed and doing some things. Unfortunately, I suffer from excruciating anxiety, panic and fear and benzos can't help me anymore. So, even the simplest things in daily life are major ordeals. It's hard to think straight and I do not enjoy anything in life at the moment.

 

I am thankful for my benzo buddies. I so want to get to the point where I can write a success story and once again be the one who is giving support rather than needing it....

 

 

[[To...]]

Hi TMB l am so sorry to hear you are suffering as much as you are.l also feel for your wife to see someone you love struggling so much is a horrible feeling.

    Write as much as you want to as the support in this little group is amazing and it always you to get it out.

    I know nothing we can say will ease your suffering but know that we are here to listen and help support you in your journey.This will pass and time is the only thing that will ease your pain.Sending love and support to you and your family.

    Stut X

 

Thank you Stut --- I will continue to write as it helps me. Some day, I will be back on the side of giving support instead of needing it.

[[To...]]

....

TooManyBennies-  Oh that just sucks.    Panic and anxiety is just awful.  I've been waking up and in a kind of panic too lately.  I have to resist picking up my phone or I just end up searching and reading stuff that backs up my fears.  It's crazy cause even if my fears are correct, I still need to sleep.  UGH.  Hope it gets better for you.

....

 

Thank you GC. Hope you can feel better too.

[[To...]]

TMB I’m so so sorry you are suffering so much. Withdrawal is the hardest thing in the world. Do you have anything that helps with distress tolerance? I went through an acute like wave in feb/March and started listening to Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankel while i walked as much as I could. Just letting myself cry and feel hopeless but thinking my situation must be nothing compared to what he went through. I got the book on audible. For panic attacks I used the DARE Response book and the apps that come with it. There are many many more things I did (I counted and did 24 things daily all for distress tolerance). What are some things you do to cope? I’m also interested in everyone’s coping strategies it would be nice to see what people do. I also knit a LOT and listen to tons and tons of speakers on YouTube.

 

Thank you WW. I was unable to do anything (and I mean anything) because whatever it was it would trigger an anxiety attack. I was basically in total isolation....

 

 

[[To...]]

TMB, I'm so sorry. Windows and waves are so hard! You get a window and you feel like finally you are getting somewhere and then a wave hits. I understand completely. Hopefully another window is just around the corner. And it is so hard to be emotionally connected to someone during this, your suffering is affecting her so much. I am the same with my partner, he is so deeply affected by my anxiety and there's nothing I can really do about it. It's a very helpless feeling. Sending love.

 

Olive thank you for your support and understanding!

[[St...]]

Hi TMB you were put in a terrible position regarding your taper however with enough time l believe you will see an improvement.

    The terror and panic is definitely unbearable but it will ease the longer you are off the drug.No consolation to you at the moment however you are hanging in there and it will happen.

  Sending love and hugs to you

        Stut X

[[de...]]

Hi buddies.

 

I wish I had better news - I am seeing a recurrence of panic attacks and overall anxiety. I spent February and March with all-day/night panic and near zero sleep for weeks. For just the past 4+ weeks I have been able to settle down and get 4+ hours of sleep on average. But, Saturday night I got 2 hours and the past two mornings I woke up at 4am and was in a panic for 3-4 hours.

 

It's wearing me down and I am really, really scared about falling back into the abyss that Feb and Mar were. Of course, that fear just leads to a vicious cycle creating more fear.

 

It's been tough for the people around me, as well. My wife sees me struggling and bursts into tears. I feel so frustrated and want to jump out of my skin. I feel so vulnerable with there being no option for anything to take the edge off.

 

I'm sorry to lay this on the group, but I do find comfort here. It helps a bit to just write it down.

 

Hi too many Bennies...

 

Just read your post and signature.

If I am reading it right, looks like you went from 1mg to 0 and jumped  in just a little over 4 1/2 months!

That’s a reduction of about 20% a month!

 

Whoa baby! That’s such a big reduction no wonder you are in a bad spot!

Seems to me IMO you should do an updose and then hold until you are stable. Then you’ll be able to start again and taper SLOWLY AND WITH CUTS OF 5% or maybe a bit larger of a cut if you can handle it.... but 20%?  NO WAY!

 

Yourlast 4 months of your taper have been way to aggressive.  Your brain can not handle that. It is screaming out now, with wdsx, to tell you it needs time to adjust to cuts (that it can handle) and it cannot handle 20%.

Slow down Bennies!

I truly believe an updose of whatever you feel will help, and then a hold for as long as it takes, before cutting again, will help you enormously.

 

If you decide to updose, Please don’t continue with those big % cuts. I believe it will just set you back again with unmanageable wdsx.

 

Take care, be cautious! Be patient and strong. Don’t let that benzo devil rush you ahead into wdsx and further wasted time, because you will have to updose to save yourself and the start your taper all over again!

 

Good luck, whatever you decide...

I hope someone with more experience with updosing will chime in here soon.

 

Heath

 

Thanks, Heath, for your very thoughtful response.

 

No doubt my taper was aggressive and took a little over a year in total. I was going to be in a supply predicament and I was able to negotiate with my doctor the taper plan that I wound up employing. She would have had me do it in half the time.

 

I did feel that because I did a micro taper for the last few months, that I was going to have a softer landing.

 

I did have some significant new life stressors that occurred shortly after I jumped and that blew my circuits as well.

 

At this point, 4+ months out, I am hoping that I hit bottom and am somehow clawing back. Reinstating is something I thought about many times, but I always concluded that the short term relief it would bring would then mean kindling and another potentially more violent w/d process (I would also have to doctor shop to insure supply). I am not sure I would survive that.

 

So, I am stuck. I've seen some stories of buddies seeing amazing changes for the better at 6 months or 8 months out. We're all different so who knows.

 

The good news is that I can now login to this site and type semi lucid posts where I couldn't even look at the site for nearly 3 months. While I am bleary eyed and tired most of the time, I am out of bed and doing some things. Unfortunately, I suffer from excruciating anxiety, panic and fear and benzos can't help me anymore. So, even the simplest things in daily life are major ordeals. It's hard to think straight and I do not enjoy anything in life at the moment.

 

I am thankful for my benzo buddies. I so want to get to the point where I can write a success story and once again be the one who is giving support rather than needing it....

 

Heath, just wanted to thank you for always being there for everyone, with thoughtful advice and words. 

 

Bennies, so very sorry you've been suffering so badly, hope to see you start improving soon, and your wife, if she ever needs some support or wants to vent, please let her know that she's more than welcome on the Family Members Support Thread. 

[[be...]]

Just wanted to post that as of this morning I am at 0.40mg of Valium, and I am restarting my 30 day hold tomorrow, I had a few more blips, but it was my fault for listening to benzo lies. I have a Progress log page and it is all there I have been writing there for a long time. For those that are suffering I am so sorry, trust me I know how it feels I am on my third and last taper, and this has been like night and day. I have reinstated twice and I did not over think it or worry about what could happen, I did it and for me it has been fine. I was close to having a stroke twice and I had to do something and I did and I am not looking back, only forward. One can never know anything for sure, sometimes we have to believe that we will be OK. Stay Strong all and please know it does and will get better...Time and Patience and hopefully being at a stable place helps also, our Brain can not take all the ups and downs and horrible wd and going too fast and % too high. 💖 Peace.

[[Ca...]]

Just wanted to post that as of this morning I am at 0.40mg of Valium, and I am restarting my 30 day hold tomorrow, I had a few more blips, but it was my fault for listening to benzo lies. I have a Progress log page and it is all there I have been writing there for a long time. For those that are suffering I am so sorry, trust me I know how it feels I am on my third and last taper, and this has been like night and day. I have reinstated twice and I did not over think it or worry about what could happen, I did it and for me it has been fine. I was close to having a stroke twice and I had to do something and I did and I am not looking back, only forward. One can never know anything for sure, sometimes we have to believe that we will be OK. Stay Strong all and please know it does and will get better...Time and Patience and hopefully being at a stable place helps also, our Brain can not take all the ups and downs and horrible wd and going too fast and % too high. 💖 Peace.

aaaaggghhh... I cant breathe..!! -no, Bg missed a couple of commas..!!

 

Well done girl..!! Seems like yesterday it was 1V... not too long now... prob before u decide on the perfect glasses..!!

 

Thanks for everything you do.. -a rock...

 

[[St...]]

Well done begood you will be off in no time for the last time.You are an example to us all.As always the back bone of the group.

          Love Stut X

[[be...]]

Well done begood you will be off in no time for the last time.You are an example to us all.As always the back bone of the group.

          Love Stut X

Thanks Stut, your time will come. 💖 Peace and Hugs

[[St...]]

Thanks begood l believe that now 6 months ago not a chance of getting there.You and the wonderful buddies on this group have given me the tools to finish this and never look back.

  Love Stut X

[[be...]]

Just wanted to post that as of this morning I am at 0.40mg of Valium, and I am restarting my 30 day hold tomorrow, I had a few more blips, but it was my fault for listening to benzo lies. I have a Progress log page and it is all there I have been writing there for a long time. For those that are suffering I am so sorry, trust me I know how it feels I am on my third and last taper, and this has been like night and day. I have reinstated twice and I did not over think it or worry about what could happen, I did it and for me it has been fine. I was close to having a stroke twice and I had to do something and I did and I am not looking back, only forward. One can never know anything for sure, sometimes we have to believe that we will be OK. Stay Strong all and please know it does and will get better...Time and Patience and hopefully being at a stable place helps also, our Brain can not take all the ups and downs and horrible wd and going too fast and % too high. 💖 Peace.

aaaaggghhh... I cant breathe..!! -no, Bg missed a couple of commas..!!

 

Well done girl..!! Seems like yesterday it was 1V... not too long now... prob before u decide on the perfect glasses..!!

 

Thanks for everything you do.. -a rock...

Commas?? oh I forgot you are an English teacher...sorry...  . When I joined I had tapered from 10mg twice and started here at BB at 2.5mg of V, and had my own plan in place..slow and holds at one time I was holding for two months after my 10 day taper, but found I did not need that long anymore. Thanks Cant for your ongoing support and your strong arms that hold me up and accountable when I get too big for my britches.💖 Peace and Hugs.

[[be...]]

Thanks begood l believe that now 6 months ago not a chance of getting there.You and the wonderful buddies on this group have given me the tools to finish this and never look back.

  Love Stut X

Believing that it can happen is a biggie, you are going to be alright.

[[St...]]

Oh Cant an English teacher.The grammar and lack of punctuation marks on this forum must do your head in haha.

    Love Stut X

[[be...]]

Oh Cant an English teacher.The grammar and lack of punctuation marks on this forum must do your head in haha.

    Love Stut X

I was just kidding Cant I meant to put a winking face and I just did...I am running for the hills, A Aussie with a gator is looking for me....bye gotta run... :laugh:

[[St...]]

Haha begood a laugh is good for the soul.Don't trip when you are running lol

  Love Stut X

[[Ca...]]

Thanks begood l believe that now 6 months ago not a chance of getting there.You and the wonderful buddies on this group have given me the tools to finish this and never look back.

  Love Stut X

Believing that it can happen is a biggie, you are going to be alright.

So true, believing is key..!! When we have to dig deep, its the belief bag we reach into...

So to speak...

***

Huh??? English..!! -Good try BG...  -But have u seen my spelling..!!

 

[[St...]]

I didn't think so Cant an Australian teaching English just doesn't ring true haha.

      Love Stut X

[[Ca...]]

I didn't think so Cant an Australian teaching English just doesn't ring true haha.

      Love Stut X

Fair Dinkum Mate...!! (Not sure where the "oi" some think came from)

Stut there is a little more to this.. BG being cheeky, my adoptive parents were very English, and sometimes i wright/text in a clinky way... -And BG just being cheeky...

Lol

Be Well...

Must run, under the thumb...

 

[[He...]]

Hi buddies.

 

I wish I had better news - I am seeing a recurrence of panic attacks and overall anxiety. I spent February and March with all-day/night panic and near zero sleep for weeks. For just the past 4+ weeks I have been able to settle down and get 4+ hours of sleep on average. But, Saturday night I got 2 hours and the past two mornings I woke up at 4am and was in a panic for 3-4 hours.

 

It's wearing me down and I am really, really scared about falling back into the abyss that Feb and Mar were. Of course, that fear just leads to a vicious cycle creating more fear.

 

It's been tough for the people around me, as well. My wife sees me struggling and bursts into tears. I feel so frustrated and want to jump out of my skin. I feel so vulnerable with there being no option for anything to take the edge off.

 

I'm sorry to lay this on the group, but I do find comfort here. It helps a bit to just write it down.

 

Hi too many Bennies...

 

Just read your post and signature.

If I am reading it right, looks like you went from 1mg to 0 and jumped  in just a little over 4 1/2 months!

That’s a reduction of about 20% a month!

 

Whoa baby! That’s such a big reduction no wonder you are in a bad spot!

Seems to me IMO you should do an updose and then hold until you are stable. Then you’ll be able to start again and taper SLOWLY AND WITH CUTS OF 5% or maybe a bit larger of a cut if you can handle it.... but 20%?  NO WAY!

 

Yourlast 4 months of your taper have been way to aggressive.  Your brain can not handle that. It is screaming out now, with wdsx, to tell you it needs time to adjust to cuts (that it can handle) and it cannot handle 20%.

Slow down Bennies!

I truly believe an updose of whatever you feel will help, and then a hold for as long as it takes, before cutting again, will help you enormously.

 

If you decide to updose, Please don’t continue with those big % cuts. I believe it will just set you back again with unmanageable wdsx.

 

Take care, be cautious! Be patient and strong. Don’t let that benzo devil rush you ahead into wdsx and further wasted time, because you will have to updose to save yourself and the start your taper all over again!

 

Good luck, whatever you decide...

I hope someone with more experience with updosing will chime in here soon.

 

Heath

 

Thanks, Heath, for your very thoughtful response.

 

No doubt my taper was aggressive and took a little over a year in total. I was going to be in a supply predicament and I was able to negotiate with my doctor the taper plan that I wound up employing. She would have had me do it in half the time.

 

I did feel that because I did a micro taper for the last few months, that I was going to have a softer landing.

 

I did have some significant new life stressors that occurred shortly after I jumped and that blew my circuits as well.

 

At this point, 4+ months out, I am hoping that I hit bottom and am somehow clawing back. Reinstating is something I thought about many times, but I always concluded that the short term relief it would bring would then mean kindling and another potentially more violent w/d process (I would also have to doctor shop to insure supply). I am not sure I would survive that.

 

So, I am stuck. I've seen some stories of buddies seeing amazing changes for the better at 6 months or 8 months out. We're all different so who knows.

 

The good news is that I can now login to this site and type semi lucid posts where I couldn't even look at the site for nearly 3 months. While I am bleary eyed and tired most of the time, I am out of bed and doing some things. Unfortunately, I suffer from excruciating anxiety, panic and fear and benzos can't help me anymore. So, even the simplest things in daily life are major ordeals. It's hard to think straight and I do not enjoy anything in life at the moment.

 

I am thankful for my benzo buddies. I so want to get to the point where I can write a success story and once again be the one who is giving support rather than needing it....

 

Hi , I didn’t realize that you were 4 months out after your jump.  Hey, I think you are right!  Updosing night now may just mess you up. I think you are right to just keep hanging on.  Your good days could be right around the corner. I sure hope so. Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

(((HUGS)))). Heath 

[[He...]]

Just wanted to post that as of this morning I am at 0.40mg of Valium, and I am restarting my 30 day hold tomorrow, I had a few more blips, but it was my fault for listening to benzo lies. I have a Progress log page and it is all there I have been writing there for a long time. For those that are suffering I am so sorry, trust me I know how it feels I am on my third and last taper, and this has been like night and day. I have reinstated twice and I did not over think it or worry about what could happen, I did it and for me it has been fine. I was close to having a stroke twice and I had to do something and I did and I am not looking back, only forward. One can never know anything for sure, sometimes we have to believe that we will be OK. Stay Strong all and please know it does and will get better...Time and Patience and hopefully being at a stable place helps also, our Brain can not take all the ups and downs and horrible wd and going too fast and % too high. 💖 Peace.

 

WAY TO GO BEGOOD! OH MIGHTY WARRIOR!  :yippee: :yippee:

Heath💜

[[be...]]

I didn't think so Cant an Australian teaching English just doesn't ring true haha.

      Love Stut X

Fair Dinkum Mate...!! (Not sure where the "oi" some think came from)

Stut there is a little more to this.. BG being cheeky, my adoptive parents were very English, and sometimes i wright/text in a clinky way... -And BG just being cheeky...

Lol

Be Well...

Must run, under the thumb...

[[be...]]

Just wanted to post that as of this morning I am at 0.40mg of Valium, and I am restarting my 30 day hold tomorrow, I had a few more blips, but it was my fault for listening to benzo lies. I have a Progress log page and it is all there I have been writing there for a long time. For those that are suffering I am so sorry, trust me I know how it feels I am on my third and last taper, and this has been like night and day. I have reinstated twice and I did not over think it or worry about what could happen, I did it and for me it has been fine. I was close to having a stroke twice and I had to do something and I did and I am not looking back, only forward. One can never know anything for sure, sometimes we have to believe that we will be OK. Stay Strong all and please know it does and will get better...Time and Patience and hopefully being at a stable place helps also, our Brain can not take all the ups and downs and horrible wd and going too fast and % too high. 💖 Peace.

 

WAY TO GO BEGOOD! OH MIGHTY WARRIOR!  :yippee: :yippee:

Heath💜

Thanks Heath My Fellow Warrior. 💖 Peace and Hugs.

[[Aj...]]

The longer a I hold the worse the spasm seems to get between doses.

 

My body is being pulled in several different direction at once all along my neck and whole spine and jaw and hips.

 

I have no idea how on earth I am ever going to not be able to take this horrible poison.

 

Love and strength to all.