The Long Hold Support Group

[[bl...]]

NJ: I’m so sorry for how you are suffering. I’ve not been following thread and lost your story, as well as MIYU’s. Things will improve and I’m certain the anxiety about what you can and Cannot handle is exacerbating your nausea to a degree that one sx is just feeding the other and you probably can’t even see straight. Is there anything at all that calms you down? Meditating, movies, TV, sometimes the absolutely only thing that helps me is being distracted from my symptoms. I don’t know. You can do it.  I always wonder how I will get through accomplishing anything with work and then, at the end of the day, I always feel better for having done something productive And I tend to be surprised that even though I am aware of the s/x on and off while I am working, I am not as hyper focused on them as when I am not.Once you start the job and ease into it I bet you will start to feel ok again? Sorry if I’m repeating what others have said. Nothing original here. Just thinking of you.

 

You too, miyu. Hope today was better—

 

Blue

[[Wo...]]

Hi I just want to say I love this group it is the most positive and uplifting group on B.B.  I have just been reading the last few pages and have already gotten a lot of what I needed. I think I posted on here last night but can’t find it and I’m kinda cog fog right now so I’ll jist say again that it’s been a very rough month. I’ve felt hopeless and depressed for the first time during this taper and I really need to pull out of it. I think I’ve been reading some negative benzo posts which have scared me a lot on top of being in a wave for so many weeks. Reading the posts here is really healing for me. I need to believe that things will get better and I will stabalize and I can do this. I am terrified of protracted withdrawal, of all the super nasty sxs, of not making it out alive. And yet I have no proof that that will be my story. I have had a much easier taper than others out there and I am doing the slow taper long holds micro cuts and am committed to not being on a taper schedule. My mind has just made up some gnarly narratives and it’s probsbly because we’ve been in a cold and rainy season and my seasonal depression which I get every single year has kicked in on top of 2 rounds of the flu and some waves. So. I need to slow down my thinking get grounded and keep closer to this group of folks who have more wisdom than what I’m seeing out there especially on some Facebook groups that are just so scary. I know everyone is well intended and we are all going through some painful stuff but I really do take on the feelings of others and forget those are not my feelings and not my story. We are healing. This is temporary. Slow is good. Thanks for listening.

[[Ca...]]

Great thinking WW..!!

Your journey does not have to be the nightmare of others...

An approach that suits you and your body, plus time, works wonders...

As will your attitude..!!

 

[[Wo...]]

Thank you Cantfly! I really appreciate this perspective. What are some of the benefits you’ve gotten from long holds?

[[Ch...]]

Hi KK..!!

I feel u r on the right track with holding for a while too... I cant recall any harm coming from it, if given the time... Things can get a bit of a shake up for a while though, which can put a lot of people off, -right before it gets better...

I did a fairly "chunky" Cut n Hold, as a micro taper didnt suit me..

I held months between cuts, and got to see how the WDs (for me) peaked, subsided and changed, often with new SX emerging in force months after a cut, Then subsiding... It all got that bit easier when i allowed the time, and a bit more, for the body to catch up...

I found wanting to push forwards kinda a SX of its own... -a never ending internal Pop Quiz..!!

 

Wishing u the best, and look forward getting to know you..

 

Thank you, Cantfly! 

 

My psych actually called me last night and reassured me that I'm on the right track.  I told him about my "bad days" that pop up, and he said that's to be expected.  He agreed that I should hold for a while and get it off my mind for a bit.

 

It means so much to have moral support out there, from people who are also struggling thru this.

 

Short but sweet, gotta get ready for work.

KK

[[Ch...]]

I agree with WE, this board is the best!  Hang in there WW...look at you, you're almost there!!  😊

[[Ca...]]

Thank you Cantfly! I really appreciate this perspective. What are some of the benefits you’ve gotten from long holds?

 

Lol, -I survived to do another cut..!!

Prob the best thing was the info it gave me, as i was juggeling other meds and nerve damage etc..

I know my wd sx...

-and hanging with all the guys on here...!!

 

[[Su...]]

Hi everyone..!!

So great to be back...!! And sorry i had to go for a while...

I am just catching up on where everyone is at, so pls forgive me for being slower than slow...

We are all doing well, and I feel similar to when i had to go, but some things have done a complete flip... like i have no interest in food, instead of eating for a small country..!!

I am up and about most days, which beats years of bed, and has helped so much...

 

I continued to drop every few months, as i was ready, and started to forget doses after a while on 0.5v... -so i just slowly extended the gap...NOT the most orthodox method, i know... -But U know me..!! Lol

WD SX still hit as hard as ever if I get behind, and I will hold on current dose while i decide on the final plan...

My Dr is as good as ever, but that last medicine specialist is written off as a bad joke...

I started lyrica full time at xmas, after much deliberation, so im not as far ahead as it might seem... But it gave me a life back and seems to fit well with my accident injuries... -Nerve damage etc..

My main issue by far is still stomach cramping, going on 9 years now, but it is much more isolated yet intense... Digestive motility is much better, So no more stupid gastro drs..!!

I am about to book in to my ortho drs to check all the pelvic and spinal injuries, -last check was 3yrs ago... If all is well I will get my bike licence back, which i hope will tie in with stepping off, and i can reward myself with a new toy..!! -We must have goals..!! Lol

SO thats Me... bla bla...

 

-How are all U guys..??

And welcome to any new people from over the last 6 months or so...

 

Again, sorry I dropped out like that, and was a real turtle about coming back on... -You were all in my thoughts... -more than you could know...

My 4 boys are all fine, and i am ever proud of C15 for his supurb effort and support...

 

Thanks Everyone...

And a special thanks to BG and gang, for being so supportive...

Oo

Ps.. I still text from my fone..!! Lol

Hi can’t! So good to see you here and to hear that you are well! You definitely need to reward yourself. I found one for you lol....

 

width=500 height=299https://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/OTU3WDE2MDA=/z/wtwAAOSwB-1YtVst/$_58.JPG[/img]

Hi Cant. Valley maybe this is more like the bike Mr. Turtle will be riding.

Perhaps your bike is a little better suited for cant than mine lol.  —V

 

 

It's SO good to hear from you Cant. YOu have certainly been missed  but , we figured you'd be back when you were ready.

I'm glad you've made it this far, great news! THanks for the update too

 

I wanted to tell you about  a book I read recently called "You Are The PLacebo" by Joe Dispenza.  He was hit on his bicycle by an SUV and suffered severe spinal injury. He was a chiropractor, so he knew the details of the spine. His doctors told him he'd likely never walk again , be on pain meds and have steel rods in his back. Well, he didn't go for that prognosis. He started imagining his spine healing , vertebrae by vertebrae. In 10 months he was walking again . Today he is completely healed and now works with people with various illnesses and challenges to guide them in healing. His book outlines his methods as well as providing lots of examples of miraculous healings and also the history if the placebo effect which is very interesting. He has a few youtube videos too actually , so you can watch those to get an idea of what he's about.

 

Anyway ,  thought it might be of interest to you.

 

It's a good read , and anyone who thinks they can't heal from these  meds, it's not true! As Heath and others i think have said, our bodies are amazing and can heal themselves from pretty much anything , and definitely benzos!!

 

Keep going everyone.

 

love , MiYu 

 

PS , I'm starting to feel more stable , yay, I've had a few days that haven't been so bad. Still have symptoms and can't go out really, but better. So , anyone worrying about holding too long and tolerance, I've been crawling along for over a year now, not even 5% reduction ,  and I feel like I'm finally getting a little more stable , and no tolerance. Fingers crossed, I still may be the slowest turtle ever, but I'm so glad for the support and encouragement for looooong holds ! 

 

Oh Miyu I'm so glad that things are turning around for you!

SS

[[Su...]]

Just want to echo that this thread eases the whole process....

Whew!

Thanks for being here folks,-- Whew!

Now for a long hold....

SS

[[Ca...]]

Hi everyone..!!

So great to be back...!! And sorry i had to go for a while...

I am just catching up on where everyone is at, so pls forgive me for being slower than slow...

We are all doing well, and I feel similar to when i had to go, but some things have done a complete flip... like i have no interest in food, instead of eating for a small country..!!

I am up and about most days, which beats years of bed, and has helped so much...

 

I continued to drop every few months, as i was ready, and started to forget doses after a while on 0.5v... -so i just slowly extended the gap...NOT the most orthodox method, i know... -But U know me..!! Lol

WD SX still hit as hard as ever if I get behind, and I will hold on current dose while i decide on the final plan...

My Dr is as good as ever, but that last medicine specialist is written off as a bad joke...

I started lyrica full time at xmas, after much deliberation, so im not as far ahead as it might seem... But it gave me a life back and seems to fit well with my accident injuries... -Nerve damage etc..

My main issue by far is still stomach cramping, going on 9 years now, but it is much more isolated yet intense... Digestive motility is much better, So no more stupid gastro drs..!!

I am about to book in to my ortho drs to check all the pelvic and spinal injuries, -last check was 3yrs ago... If all is well I will get my bike licence back, which i hope will tie in with stepping off, and i can reward myself with a new toy..!! -We must have goals..!! Lol

SO thats Me... bla bla...

 

-How are all U guys..??

And welcome to any new people from over the last 6 months or so...

 

Again, sorry I dropped out like that, and was a real turtle about coming back on... -You were all in my thoughts... -more than you could know...

My 4 boys are all fine, and i am ever proud of C15 for his supurb effort and support...

 

Thanks Everyone...

And a special thanks to BG and gang, for being so supportive...

Oo

Ps.. I still text from my fone..!! Lol

Hi can’t! So good to see you here and to hear that you are well! You definitely need to reward yourself. I found one for you lol....

 

width=500 height=299https://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/OTU3WDE2MDA=/z/wtwAAOSwB-1YtVst/$_58.JPG[/img]

Hi Cant. Valley maybe this is more like the bike Mr. Turtle will be riding.

 

Hey, how about bikes for everyone?  Let’s meet in the park someplace and have a go at it!

Maybe a picnic lunch too!

Uhhhhhhh...... whose buying the bikes?

Hi Heath...!! -I have a video on facebook that shows what the park might look like after..!! -bring bandaids..!!

Yes, who is buying...?? -lets just take test rides from a shop..!!

 

[[NJ...]]

I do feel this is the most valuable section of BB.

 

I went to my gastroenterologist yesterday and he is checking my gallbladder as there is tenderness. This could be the cause of the constant nausea, not just the anxiety and tapering. The nausea remains overwhelming; I am off from work for snow today but feeling awful. I have an ultrasound Friday morning. I am not sure what I am hoping for. If it is the gallbladder, good to know this is not all from anxiety but with changing jobs in a week and a half, if something is wrong, not sure what I am supposed to do. The timing of this could not be worse than it is. And if I need my gall bladder removed (I know I am letting things spiral out of control here), it seems like some people experience nausea for months after. I  feel like I have made all the wrong decisions here--changing jobs when not at my best now does not seem like a great idea. But my current job is definitely also making me sick.

 

I had an extra meeting with my therapist this week and shared how I am just reaching a tipping point, I have been tapering slowly for two years with long holds but haven't felt great most of the time. In a best case scenario, I would need at least another six months to taper and that is ambitious.  I am getting tired. I do want to just lay in bed and pull the covers over my head.

[[Ch...]]

I do feel this is the most valuable section of BB.

 

I went to my gastroenterologist yesterday and he is checking my gallbladder as there is tenderness. This could be the cause of the constant nausea, not just the anxiety and tapering. The nausea remains overwhelming; I am off from work for snow today but feeling awful. I have an ultrasound Friday morning. I am not sure what I am hoping for. If it is the gallbladder, good to know this is not all from anxiety but with changing jobs in a week and a half, if something is wrong, not sure what I am supposed to do. The timing of this could not be worse than it is. And if I need my gall bladder removed (I know I am letting things spiral out of control here), it seems like some people experience nausea for months after. I  feel like I have made all the wrong decisions here--changing jobs when not at my best now does not seem like a great idea. But my current job is definitely also making me sick.

 

I had an extra meeting with my therapist this week and shared how I am just reaching a tipping point, I have been tapering slowly for two years with long holds but haven't felt great most of the time. In a best case scenario, I would need at least another six months to taper and that is ambitious.  I am getting tired. I do want to just lay in bed and pull the covers over my head.

 

NJ, I had my gallbladder removed years ago due to a bile duct obstruction and infection.  I was back at work after a week.  I never felt nauseas after, just battled diarrhea for months.  No biggie.  But, with benzo brain, I can see how you're worried about it.  Don't be...you don't need anything else to worry about.  It will be fine. 😊

[[Su...]]

I do feel this is the most valuable section of BB.

 

I went to my gastroenterologist yesterday and he is checking my gallbladder as there is tenderness. This could be the cause of the constant nausea, not just the anxiety and tapering. The nausea remains overwhelming; I am off from work for snow today but feeling awful. I have an ultrasound Friday morning. I am not sure what I am hoping for. If it is the gallbladder, good to know this is not all from anxiety but with changing jobs in a week and a half, if something is wrong, not sure what I am supposed to do. The timing of this could not be worse than it is. And if I need my gall bladder removed (I know I am letting things spiral out of control here), it seems like some people experience nausea for months after. I  feel like I have made all the wrong decisions here--changing jobs when not at my best now does not seem like a great idea. But my current job is definitely also making me sick.

 

I had an extra meeting with my therapist this week and shared how I am just reaching a tipping point, I have been tapering slowly for two years with long holds but haven't felt great most of the time. In a best case scenario, I would need at least another six months to taper and that is ambitious.  I am getting tired. I do want to just lay in bed and pull the covers over my head.

 

I feel you NJ!

And I have a friend who get immediate relief from the surgery -- if that's what you get. 

I'm really starting to understand that this whole tapering thing must be worked into life and that life can't be put on hold while I taper.  (I'm speaking for me here I know there are many different realities)

 

So getting a good job that gets you out of one you so dislike seems like a good move to me!

SS

 

 

[[St...]]

Hi NJ you will get through this if you need an operation your job will be there whenever you are ready to go back.l know you are going through hell at the moment but you will survive all this.At least you will know the cause of this neverending nausea and hopefully get relief finally.

[[Ch...]]

I'm just going to ask this group, as I feel I get more answers and understaning here than anywhere else.

 

I've cutb from .75/day of Xanax to .625/day  (.1875 am, .1875 midday/.25 bedtime) and have decided to do a longer hold this timw to try andnreally stabilkze, before I start cutting again.  Had a couple really bad days he and there, which my psych said to expect.  It's normal.  So today, I just started feeling anxious 5 hours after my morning dose.  Could this be interdose withdrawal?  Or am I just notbstabilized on this dose?  Is there even a difference??? 

 

Also, I'm thinking of moving up my bedtime dose by 1/2 hour or so, so I don't have to stay up til 10 pm to take it if I'm zonked.  Should this make a big difference???

 

Thank you all for the help...this is the biggest struggle I've ever faced, and I've been thru a lot in my life (lost 2 babies, divorced, son moved out, mom passed away).  For whatever reason, this is the hardest thing I've ever done.

[[Ch...]]

Where is everyone today??  I need you!!

[[Su...]]

Hi KK,

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time.

I'm also an X user so I'll answer what i can, but haven't replied as I'm unsure.  It could be interdose w/d or it could be withdrawal.  But I would lean towards withdrawal, not being stabilized yet at this dose.

 

I know for me at this point in my taper that even the smallest changes can throw things off for a bit.  A change like moving a dosage timing.

One of the things that I'm realizing for myself if that if I don't really know what to do the best thing to do is nothing or very little.

If it's anxiety that is starting at the 5 hour mark I'd do what I could to calm myself through breathing and distracting that kind of thing and see if that can manage it some.  Those kinds of things can be really helpful for me when I need to calm myself down....

 

I'm sorry that I don't have anything more definitive, going through a rough patch myself.

 

And it is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life as well..... sucks.

But I am sure that we can do this!!!

SS

 

[[Va...]]

I'm just going to ask this group, as I feel I get more answers and understaning here than anywhere else.

 

I've cutb from .75/day of Xanax to .625/day  (.1875 am, .1875 midday/.25 bedtime) and have decided to do a longer hold this timw to try andnreally stabilkze, before I start cutting again.  Had a couple really bad days he and there, which my psych said to expect.  It's normal.  So today, I just started feeling anxious 5 hours after my morning dose.  Could this be interdose withdrawal?  Or am I just notbstabilized on this dose?  Is there even a difference??? 

 

Also, I'm thinking of moving up my bedtime dose by 1/2 hour or so, so I don't have to stay up til 10 pm to take it if I'm zonked.  Should this make a big difference???

 

Thank you all for the help...this is the biggest struggle I've ever faced, and I've been thru a lot in my life (lost 2 babies, divorced, son moved out, mom passed away).  For whatever reason, this is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Hi KK. It sounds like interpose withdrawal if you’re feeling it after 5 hours. I don’t think moving your dose by a half hour will impact much in terms of withdrawal. I certainly understand that this can be rough at times, but you will stabilize and  make it off just like the rest of us. 

[[Ch...]]

I'm just going to ask this group, as I feel I get more answers and understaning here than anywhere else.

 

I've cutb from .75/day of Xanax to .625/day  (.1875 am, .1875 midday/.25 bedtime) and have decided to do a longer hold this timw to try andnreally stabilkze, before I start cutting again.  Had a couple really bad days he and there, which my psych said to expect.  It's normal.  So today, I just started feeling anxious 5 hours after my morning dose.  Could this be interdose withdrawal?  Or am I just notbstabilized on this dose?  Is there even a difference??? 

 

Also, I'm thinking of moving up my bedtime dose by 1/2 hour or so, so I don't have to stay up til 10 pm to take it if I'm zonked.  Should this make a big difference???

 

Thank you all for the help...this is the biggest struggle I've ever faced, and I've been thru a lot in my life (lost 2 babies, divorced, son moved out, mom passed away).  For whatever reason, this is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Hi KK. It sounds like interpose withdrawal if you’re feeling it after 5 hours. I don’t think moving your dose by a half hour will impact much in terms of withdrawal. I certainly understand that this can be rough at times, but you will stabilize and  make it off just like the rest of us. 

 

When I'm anxious, it doesn't feel.like I'll ever heal and get off this stuff.  I don't feel lilenthat every day, nor after every dose.  It was just today, really.. usually, if im going to be anxious, it starts the minute I wake up and stays all day.  This was different.  I was able to meditate and calm myself.down, but I've been off all day since.  I can feel my heart beating all over my body.  Withdrawal?

[[Ch...]]

Hi KK,

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time.

I'm also an X user so I'll answer what i can, but haven't replied as I'm unsure.  It could be interdose w/d or it could be withdrawal.  But I would lean towards withdrawal, not being stabilized yet at this dose.

 

I know for me at this point in my taper that even the smallest changes can throw things off for a bit.  A change like moving a dosage timing.

One of the things that I'm realizing for myself if that if I don't really know what to do the best thing to do is nothing or very little.

If it's anxiety that is starting at the 5 hour mark I'd do what I could to calm myself through breathing and distracting that kind of thing and see if that can manage it some.  Those kinds of things can be really helpful for me when I need to calm myself down....

 

I'm sorry that I don't have anything more definitive, going through a rough patch myself.

 

And it is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life as well..... sucks.

But I am sure that we can do this!!!

SS

 

Thanks SS.  Being new at this, and not having been on Xanax all that long, I don't know all the things I'm feeling.  My psych assures me that it's normal to feel like this while tapering, but then will say he doesnt know what's going on, that I shouldn't have withdrawals this long after a cut.  Sigh.

 

I think Ill.wait and ask my psych about moving my dose up a bit.  I'm sure he'll think it's no big deal, but this whole thing is a big deal.

 

I hope your symptoms settle down soon.  This so definitely the fight of my life.  I've decided my new theme song is War of My Life by John Mayer.  Makes me tear up just listening to it.

 

God bless us all.

KK

[[Ca...]]

Hi Guys..!!

 

Yup... -the hardest thing by far...!!

But not impossible... -i hope..

 

Kk, i can only speak for V and me...

There was a time fairly early on that i was sure i was getting ID WD...

-and i played around with it a bit, split doses, swapped around, etc... it seemed to help, but not so sure it wasnt in my head... I soon went back to single dose for splitting ease...

I wonder now if it wasnt an early WD from some of the shorter therapeutic effects, like muscle relaxation in my case.. -rather than a half life thing...

But i do think that once ur body catches up, and at the right taper speed, it will cater for this.. even if it is anxiety levels that dictate your taper speed, as stomach cramps dictate mine... -just thoughts...

And ofcourse some meds need to be taken more often than others..

I dont think you will do much harm by some small time adjustments, if cautious, but u may well feel it a bit... prob in the morning, and mornings can be busy SX times...

Keeping a detailed diary or log is a huge help...!!

And yes, distraction etc...!!

My best...

[[Ch...]]

Hi Guys..!!

 

Yup... -the hardest thing by far...!!

But not impossible... -i hope..

 

Kk, i can only speak for V and me...

There was a time fairly early on that i was sure i was getting ID WD...

-and i played around with it a bit, split doses, swapped around, etc... it seemed to help, but not so sure it wasnt in my head... I soon went back to single dose for splitting ease...

I wonder now if it wasnt an early WD from some of the shorter therapeutic effects, like muscle relaxation in my case.. -rather than a half life thing...

But i do think that once ur body catches up, and at the right taper speed, it will cater for this.. even if it is anxiety levels that dictate your taper speed, as stomach cramps dictate mine... -just thoughts...

And ofcourse some meds need to be taken more often than others..

I dont think you will do much harm by some small time adjustments, if cautious, but u may well feel it a bit... prob in the morning, and mornings can be busy SX times...

Keeping a detailed diary or log is a huge help...!!

And yes, distraction etc...!!

My best...

 

I never felt this before at all.  I never even felt like I needed my dose before I started tapering.  My psych said I was probably above my tolerance dose.  Could I have hit tolerance now and just need to stabilize at this dose for a while?

[[Wo...]]

Hi everyone, I make really detailed notes every night when I cut my dose (I use a gram scale) and decided to look back and see what the heck happened and why on earth I've been feeling so bad for so long.  I see that I was in a good place of stability but was making small cuts and just got too confident and cut too much (when I say too much these are micro cuts like .001 grams) but I did too many in a row.  I see on my notes that I am recording more wave symptoms and then early Feb is when I "crashed" (I think that's the term) and haven't had a good window since. 

 

I am contemplating how to proceed.

 

1) just keep holding and prayer

2) updose a tiny bit (I've never done this and don't know if there are actual benefits)

3) possible switch to a DLMT which kinda freaks me out because my body is so sensitive and I have no idea to properly do one but people seem to really love it

 

Any thoughts?

 

Today has been hard getting over flu #2 and dealing with lots of burning, itching, general malaise and fatigue.  It's been raining here for awhile and I am just over it.

 

I am trying to avoid negative self-talk but it's been a bit challenging.

 

Thanks for listening!

[[Su...]]

Hi Guys..!!

 

Yup... -the hardest thing by far...!!

But not impossible... -i hope..

 

Kk, i can only speak for V and me...

There was a time fairly early on that i was sure i was getting ID WD...

-and i played around with it a bit, split doses, swapped around, etc... it seemed to help, but not so sure it wasnt in my head... I soon went back to single dose for splitting ease...

I wonder now if it wasnt an early WD from some of the shorter therapeutic effects, like muscle relaxation in my case.. -rather than a half life thing...

But i do think that once ur body catches up, and at the right taper speed, it will cater for this.. even if it is anxiety levels that dictate your taper speed, as stomach cramps dictate mine... -just thoughts...

And ofcourse some meds need to be taken more often than others..

I dont think you will do much harm by some small time adjustments, if cautious, but u may well feel it a bit... prob in the morning, and mornings can be busy SX times...

Keeping a detailed diary or log is a huge help...!!

And yes, distraction etc...!!

My best...

 

I never felt this before at all.  I never even felt like I needed my dose before I started tapering.  My psych said I was probably above my tolerance dose.  Could I have hit tolerance now and just need to stabilize at this dose for a while?

 

KK,

That's what I would do -- stabilize, I think it could be withdrawal and the body reacting to the tapering...

With X my body gets hit with sxs 3-5 days after a change...

Wishing you the best

SS

 

[[St...]]

Hi WW my advice would be stay on the dose you are on and stabilise.l am definitely not a fan of updosing so l will never say updose unless it is a life or death situation.Allow your brain time to adapt no matter how long it takes.

KK the same advise to you.Let the withdrawal symptoms settle down.l know anxiety is hard to deal with however finding ways to cope with it rather than using a drug is going to help you through this taper.