The Long Hold Support Group

[[Va...]]

Valley, your picture posts never cease to crack me up! I hope your little hamster friend gets a good kick out of keeping an eye on everybody. It’s nice to know that he’s got our backs, and you too!

 

Hope your daughter is doing better.

 

Heath

I have to give my daughter credit for the pic. She texted it to me so I had to steal it and use it here lol.  —V

[[Su...]]

Really that gopher is the best!!  :laugh: thanks Valley (and your daughter  )

SS

[[Ba...]]

Valley that a very adorable gopher!

[[lo...]]

I was up dosed and have been holding for a while now, I have some hood and bad days, but the bad seem to be out weighin the good. The strange thing is I was doing my best while I was tspe6ring., untill I lost my sister and had some relationship problems. The past 3 days have been extremely bad. Panic and racing thoughts, I've been getting sick. I have some sinus drainage and I know that's not helping. I am so scared because xanax has been the only thing to stop my panic and let me havea normal life. I am really worried I'm having a break from reality. I have considered a anti depressant, I feel so lost and alone.

[[He...]]

I was up dosed and have been holding for a while now, I have some hood and bad days, but the bad seem to be out weighin the good. The strange thing is I was doing my best while I was tspe6ring., untill I lost my sister and had some relationship problems. The past 3 days have been extremely bad. Panic and racing thoughts, I've been getting sick. I have some sinus drainage and I know that's not helping. I am so scared because xanax has been the only thing to stop my panic and let me havea normal life. I am really worried I'm having a break from reality. I have considered a anti depressant, I feel so lost and alone.

 

 

Hi lostdaydream8bg,

 

I have gotten panic attacks that have scared the living day,ights out of me. I have not had them at all before I had started my taper so I’m not sure if I can compare mine to the ones you are having.but I do know that getting up and out of bed IS THE BEST THING FIR ME TO DO.(mine usually happen when I wake in the morning), .... THEN I  distract myself anyway I can, and it usually helps to make the anxiety subside. I either put on the tv, read a book, do some of my macrame with the television still on, or get out the sewing machine.

 

The whole idea is to get my mind off of whatever it is that is scaring me or worrying me and won’t,et go! It usually works and the panic and anxiety stop. I’ve never had it last more than an hour.

 

It’s also true for me that when I get anxiety attacks, then I start to worry about the attack itself! Like what’s happening to me? Am I losing my mind? Why is this happening? Why can’t I stop being so scared and stressed and full of panic? It’s lije I’m feeling impending doom and I don’t even know what it is that I am afraid of. Sounds nuts, I know!

So...the anxiety attack, then becomes the focus of my anxiety!

It’s so crazy, and I can relate to how you are feeling so well!

 

I got advice on this forum about distracting when an anxiety or stress attack comes on, and it really does work.

 

Also, it helps to know that anxiety attacks themselves are just ANOTHER WITHDRAWAL SIDE EFFECT FROM TAPERING....SO WHAT I MEAN IS,  MANY MANY PEOPLE GET THESE ANXIETY ATTACKS WHEN THEY TAPER...SO MAYBE YOU CAN LOOK AT IT AS PART OF THE TAPERING PROCESS, SO AT LEAST IT WONT SCARE YOU SO MUCH, EVEN IF IT IS A SCARY THING.

 

I don’t know if what I am saying is helping you. But I just thought it might make you feel better if you know that just about all of us get that anxiety.

 

I hope you try distracting and I hope it helps at least somewhat.

 

Heathcliff

[[lo...]]

I was up dosed and have been holding for a while now, I have some hood and bad days, but the bad seem to be out weighin the good. The strange thing is I was doing my best while I was tspe6ring., untill I lost my sister and had some relationship problems. The past 3 days have been extremely bad. Panic and racing thoughts, I've been getting sick. I have some sinus drainage and I know that's not helping. I am so scared because xanax has been the only thing to stop my panic and let me havea normal life. I am really worried I'm having a break from reality. I have considered a anti depressant, I feel so lost and alone.

 

Thank you, I just ate for the first time in 3 days. My panic attacks if I take a xanax at the start last about a hour, without the can last or more hours. I keep hoping I will stabilize, buthasn't happened yet

Hi lostdaydream8bg,

 

I have gotten panic attacks that have scared the living day,ights out of me. I have not had them at all before I had started my taper so I’m not sure if I can compare mine to the ones you are having.but I do know that getting up and out of bed IS THE BEST THING FIR ME TO DO.(mine usually happen when I wake in the morning), .... THEN I  distract myself anyway I can, and it usually helps to make the anxiety subside. I either put on the tv, read a book, do some of my macrame with the television still on, or get out the sewing machine.

 

The whole idea is to get my mind off of whatever it is that is scaring me or worrying me and won’t,et go! It usually works and the panic and anxiety stop. I’ve never had it last more than an hour.

 

It’s also true for me that when I get anxiety attacks, then I start to worry about the attack itself! Like what’s happening to me? Am I losing my mind? Why is this happening? Why can’t I stop being so scared and stressed and full of panic? It’s lije I’m feeling impending doom and I don’t even know what it is that I am afraid of. Sounds nuts, I know!

So...the anxiety attack, then becomes the focus of my anxiety!

It’s so crazy, and I can relate to how you are feeling so well!

 

I got advice on this forum about distracting when an anxiety or stress attack comes on, and it really does work.

 

Also, it helps to know that anxiety attacks themselves are just ANOTHER WITHDRAWAL SIDE EFFECT FROM TAPERING....SO WHAT I MEAN IS,  MANY MANY PEOPLE GET THESE ANXIETY ATTACKS WHEN THEY TAPER...SO MAYBE YOU CAN LOOK AT IT AS PART OF THE TAPERING PROCESS, SO AT LEAST IT WONT SCARE YOU SO MUCH, EVEN IF IT IS A SCARY THING.

 

I don’t know if what I am saying is helping you. But I just thought it might make you feel better if you know that just about all of us get that anxiety.

 

I hope you try distracting and I hope it helps at least somewhat.

 

Heathcliff

[[no...]]

I was up dosed and have been holding for a while now, I have some hood and bad days, but the bad seem to be out weighin the good. The strange thing is I was doing my best while I was tspe6ring., untill I lost my sister and had some relationship problems. The past 3 days have been extremely bad. Panic and racing thoughts, I've been getting sick. I have some sinus drainage and I know that's not helping. I am so scared because xanax has been the only thing to stop my panic and let me havea normal life. I am really worried I'm having a break from reality. I have considered a anti depressant, I feel so lost and alone.

Hi  LD  are you sure you haven't contracted a virus? I don't know where you are but here in UK there is a really bad one on the rampage, my symptoms jumped up really bad to the point my throat closed up and I thought I was going into anaphylaxis shock again as I had it before caused by an anti biotic. Also over the course of a few days my actual symptoms flared badly plus old ones retuned and at one point I thought I had 'Benzo flu' which is another symptom as I used to get that one a LOT, and my nose was like water running from a tap dripping down my throat when I laid down.

 

But then I eventually realised it was what I'd been dreading  getting a virus as so many people report a big jump  and intensity in their symptoms when a virus hits (originally I up-dosed to the same dose as you but up-dosed 4 times to where I am now eventually) and still not stable yet  but have been holding about the same time.  Your post looks like I could have written it on a more bad than the usual bad day day   Its possible as it going across the globe and is the worse flu virus in 50 year's to hit the planet apparently, so its not just locally .

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[Bl...]]

Hello all. Its been awhile since i posted on here. I need to reach out to some of you all that understand. The past 9 months have been up and down...but manageable. About 3 weeks ago i was put on Ciprofloxacin. I should have known better, but i didnt know about the risks. I felt terrible for at least a week. The sxs started to improve and i was able to start working out. I started to take some protein and creatine to try to put some mass back on my skeletal body. 2 days ago started to feel the worst ive felt in about 9 months. I may have had an issue with creatine before. I cant remember. Anyhow, i got all these people telling me i should just go to detox and get it over with. I think thats a terrible idea. But i am insane right now. In my mind, there is no end in sight, i am a burden to everyone around me. Positive feedback would be great, please.

[[no...]]

Dear Nova, you are very funny on the midst of all the hell youve  been through 

 

You did what you had to do to move and get away from the awful situation you were in. You could never have managed a taper there, never mind just any kind Of normal sane life with that crazy a**hole upstairs.

 

I hope your new situation is manageable , it sounds better at least and more controllable .

I'm sorry you've had so many stressors .

 

Who knows , perhaps it's time for an easeful taper off now?

 

I have the paresthesia too... And other symptoms s like I have neuropathy now , especially my feet and hands, and wonder how much is side effects . However , I must say , when I've tried a really miniscule reduction, my symtoms amp up , so I know that WD adds additional things on top of the things that I have all the time now .

 

So I think when you're ready , your idea of trying a tiny cut is a good one . You'll know then what possible additional WD symptoms are .

 

I do think some of these symptoms are side effects , or just neuro- toxicity for me anyway . I feel like my paresthesia is nervous system unstable . I'm hoping it'll diminish if I keep holding , tho I think the neuropathy might stick around a while .

 

Thanks for your update, keep us posted .

Love, MiYu  :smitten:

Hi M I'm definitely going to try a small cut , when the holidays are over I feel ''indistinctively'' not ''fearfully'' that its  time to try as I'm remembering when I got to the lower doses the paraesthesia got gradually better and so did the toxic sleep, and non stop anxiety, but I've got all that again and it was due to the arsehole that was living upstairs. When I think about it logically 2 year's 24/7 intentional  mental torture from a person living above your head  is enough to effect someone who had good health to begin with badly, plus the so called ''authorities' and the housing association , even the bloody law here in UK giving the perpetrator more rights than the victim?

 

Even if they had served a legal notice on him it could have taken many year's before they were legally able to revoke his tenancy. Anyway lets get back to the here and now, yes, I am going to try a small cut when all the freaking fire works etc stop over here which means about two weeks then the odd day here and there as the other thing was this I felt my spiritual connection return at the lower doses I was able once again to visualise a lot, and take myself out of my body.

 

 

I could look at the sunny  sky and make myself ''fly'', in amongst all the madness and withdrawal symptoms I could find a place of inner peace, my sense of humour returned, everyday I found something that made me smile , now I feel like a butterfly trapped in a jar my mental state is well, ''mental'' the shit that goes on in my head is akin to a psychopath on times. And the mood swings, opening my eyes when I wake up and the first thing I think or say out loud is oh God no!! I used to adore the mornings but that changed when that dick head moved above me but not only that it was having people living above me put me on edge as I got lower in my taper, the guy before used to be ok on his own but then his girlfriend moved in high heel's hammering about for hours :D But at least they never made so much noise I wasn't able to sleep in my bedroom and they were quiet going in and out at night.

 

 

 

Getting down to the lower dose was no FUN at all but it did help a lot with some symptoms, and not at all with others, but in the end it became a matter of survival and there was no way at the lower doses plus a neighbour from hell I could carry on with a taper and it was do something or die that's how I felt, totally trapped in a seriously unhealthy environment I couldn't get away from.

 

 

But I was determined to do something to change the situation as I could have put up with the withdrawal but not under those conditions, no sleep for days, weeks on end? having to leave my home at 2am-3am in below freezing weather and sit crying in the street just to try get a break for what was going on above my head non stop? Anyway I feel like I'm stuck at a baseline now, a crappy baseline,  and that holding here much longer  won't make a lot of difference, I could be wrong but I still need to try a small cut as it feels like my CNS is burnt out and its got nowhere else to go if I stay at this dose as I really feel some of this crap is side effects from the drug.

 

 

So Its probably going to be a month to be on the safe side then I'll try a small cut and see how it goes and do a long hold after the cut but if it proves to be a bad move, and way too soon to cut then I'll go back up and hold but like yourself the smallest of cuts can pole axe me, but I did feel a lot more 'myself'' at the lower doses. I'm not saying it was easy it looks like that when you read this post coz it sure as hell wasn't I still had some right stinker symptoms and got knocked off my feet unsuspectedly a lot of times and spent a lot of time laying down, but I could feel my soul like I had reconnected to everything.

 

 

Like my internal Universe was being restored to its proper order even if I was still on shaky ground, now for along time so it feels I'm in a body in search of my soul but I do feel it, its there some days I am aware of it. But I'm also aware I have an emotional bluntness a lot of the time in-between the mood swings the crying spells the anger, the agitation, I go back and fore between  feeling everything I suddenly feel nothing, and I think that's another reason to try cutting , I am ''aware'' now that its the drug its self not the withdrawal causing certain symptoms.  So its a case of try a cut hold, get through any symptoms that a cut may or may not precipitate, then take it from there.

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten: :smitten:

 

Hi everyone  5 day's ago I wrote the above post as I felt I was static and the time had come to make a cut the beginning of this month to test the water, its true that sometimes we are actually getting better in some ways but can't see the woods for the trees while holding and that holding even a little longer really is the best option . So I am now going to hold past January, why the change? I will post it below. I woke up in my usual, 'Oh God!!' here we go again back down ito the abyss of a limbo existence!!'' not feeling good state. Got progressively worse as the day went on was and was convinced it wasn't going to get any better and I was definitely stuck at a crappy baseline there for I should cut if that's the case then this happened.......

 

 

 

 

I am grateful today I am laughing!!  good old fashioned  ''Man!! that's really funny'' laughing!! I am also grateful I am laughing at myself, that's big  part my NORMAL pre Benzo self I laugh at my own stupid mistakes, my own humorous thought's,  daft shit I've done unwittingly, and my eyes seeing something that's not there when reading certain words. And enjoying the laughter and not even being aware the symptoms I can't stop thinking about continuously ( Benzo brain rumination you got no control over ) about are actually still there, just aware of  the joy in the moment of the laughter.  I can't remember the last time I laughed like that while sat alone, but boy! it feels good!

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:       Re: Gratitude Support Group  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=131316.msg2546046#msg2546046

 

 

 

Even though I'm not aware, for THAT to happen after so long and feeling emotionally numb and anhedonia  (Anhedonia  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia)  Something somewhere is fixing itself and if I do anything but hold now I'm going to throw a spanner in the works, my brain is in the process of repairing something so I'm not going to interrupt it by making any changes this month as I planned.

 

I know it can ALL turn around in a nano second  back to hell and beyond, but to be able to laugh like that and feel sheer joy something somewhere is going right regardless of what I perceive or any downward swings that happen now. Holding its self is also full of windows and waves while holding to find stability, and when you been feeling so crappy for so long its very easily forgotten that its not just tapering that this phenomena is part of or withdrawal, its also part of the repair process and that takes  longer than we want or tend to believe in most cases. I hope this helps other of you that are holding for months and think there's no hope for you My hold continues 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[no...]]

Hello all. Its been awhile since i posted on here. I need to reach out to some of you all that understand. The past 9 months have been up and down...but manageable. About 3 weeks ago i was put on Ciprofloxacin. I should have known better, but i didnt know about the risks. I felt terrible for at least a week. The sxs started to improve and i was able to start working out. I started to take some protein and creatine to try to put some mass back on my skeletal body. 2 days ago started to feel the worst ive felt in about 9 months. I may have had an issue with creatine before. I cant remember. Anyhow, i got all these people telling me i should just go to detox and get it over with. I think thats a terrible idea. But i am insane right now. In my mind, there is no end in sight, i am a burden to everyone around me. Positive feedback would be great, please.

Hi BJ  Hold where you are and stop any supplements its either one or Both that's caused this flare up but all is not lost, you just need to sit this out until it settles my friend. Don't change the dose your now on as it will cause more interruption of your CNS and just throw more confusion into the mix, just sit tight where you are and wait for the storm to pass its going to get better but you need to wait it out until it does, just be kind to yourself and give your body any rest  it needs right now to cope with what it needs to do.

 

I know you feel demented and arseholes telling you to go to Detox is causing you more paranoia but you need to just stop and allow your body to do its job, your going to get better its not long term but your probably going to feel blergh!! for a while but it may not be for very long anyway 

 

Love Nova xx  :smitten:

[[He...]]

Hi Heath,

 

I hope you are doing well.  I wish you the best for the New Year.

 

I do not post much anymore, but I still read when I can.

 

Best wishes to you!!

 

Anne  :smitten:

 

Thanks Anne!

You are one of my major inspirations! I’m plugging along and I know I’ll be off this poison evdntually. I hope you are feeling just super! Best New Year to you too!

[[Su...]]

Hello all. Its been awhile since i posted on here. I need to reach out to some of you all that understand. The past 9 months have been up and down...but manageable. About 3 weeks ago i was put on Ciprofloxacin. I should have known better, but i didnt know about the risks. I felt terrible for at least a week. The sxs started to improve and i was able to start working out. I started to take some protein and creatine to try to put some mass back on my skeletal body. 2 days ago started to feel the worst ive felt in about 9 months. I may have had an issue with creatine before. I cant remember. Anyhow, i got all these people telling me i should just go to detox and get it over with. I think thats a terrible idea. But i am insane right now. In my mind, there is no end in sight, i am a burden to everyone around me. Positive feedback would be great, please.

 

Hi BJ

Tough what you've been through! tough! those antibiotics really mess with things.  I think Nova said it best but wan't to chime in with Don't go to Detox!!!

those who suggest that don't know what the hell they're talking about...

You'll feel better if you hold and relax.... and supplements do havoc at times like this.

SS

[[Gr...]]

Hey Guys-

 

I just wanted to update about my anger.  I have basically started to become a pothead and this is amazing for my anger.  It doesn't make it completely go away, but it's enough.  It's enough to let me do other things and calm down.  It has also helped me to try and be compassionate and realize that I haven't been being very nice to my husband.  I've been very accusatory and I'll be very thankful if my marriage can survive this. 

[[lo...]]

Hey Nova, I'm in the us...Ohio to be exact and there are a lot of bad bug going around. I also was taking 50mgs of vistril 4xs a day and then stopped, I didn't even think that could be  causing so issues. I'm actually about yo go to the doctors 

[[Va...]]

Hey Guys-

 

I just wanted to update about my anger.  I have basically started to become a pothead and this is amazing for my anger.  It doesn't make it completely go away, but it's enough.  It's enough to let me do other things and calm down.  It has also helped me to try and be compassionate and realize that I haven't been being very nice to my husband.  I've been very accusatory and I'll be very thankful if my marriage can survive this.

Thanks for the update GC! It sounds like it is helping you. As far as the marriage survival, I’ll just say I’ve had my own issues with it as well.  —V

[[bl...]]

GreenCup: That's funny. I'm with you. Everyone in my family likes me better a tiny bit high. I'm a much more pleasant person. Glad it's working for you.

[[He...]]

Hello all. Its been awhile since i posted on here. I need to reach out to some of you all that understand. The past 9 months have been up and down...but manageable. About 3 weeks ago i was put on Ciprofloxacin. I should have known better, but i didnt know about the risks. I felt terrible for at least a week. The sxs started to improve and i was able to start working out. I started to take some protein and creatine to try to put some mass back on my skeletal body. 2 days ago started to feel the worst ive felt in about 9 months. I may have had an issue with creatine before. I cant remember. Anyhow, i got all these people telling me i should just go to detox and get it over with. I think thats a terrible idea. But i am insane right now. In my mind, there is no end in sight, i am a burden to everyone around me. Positive feedback would be great, please.

 

Hi BJ

Tough what you've been through! tough! those antibiotics really mess with things.  I think Nova said it best but wan't to chime in with Don't go to Detox!!!

those who suggest that don't know what the hell they're talking about...

You'll feel better if you hold and relax.... and supplements do havoc at times like this.

SS

 

 

 

 

I agree....DONT GO TO DETOX. IMO ITS THE WORST AND MOST  DANGEROUS WAY TO GET OFF OF A BENZODIAZAPINE. LET YOUR BODY AND BRAIN HAVE THE TIME IT NEEDS TO HEAL. HOLD AND WAIT, youWILL get better. Then you can start tapering again.

 

Heathcliff

[[bl...]]

I also foundMichael Sealey on Utube. Great anxiety reduction meditations.

[[Su...]]

Hey Guys-

 

I just wanted to update about my anger.  I have basically started to become a pothead and this is amazing for my anger.  It doesn't make it completely go away, but it's enough.  It's enough to let me do other things and calm down.  It has also helped me to try and be compassionate and realize that I haven't been being very nice to my husband.  I've been very accusatory and I'll be very thankful if my marriage can survive this.

 

A little high can go a long way!  Congrats on finding something that works for you...

:smitten:

SS

[[...]]

I am grateful today I am laughing!!  good old fashioned  ''Man!! that's really funny'' laughing!! I am also grateful I am laughing at myself, that's big  part my NORMAL pre Benzo self I laugh at my own stupid mistakes, my own humorous thought's,  daft shit I've done unwittingly, and my eyes seeing something that's not there when reading certain words. And enjoying the laughter and not even being aware the symptoms I can't stop thinking about continuously ( Benzo brain rumination you got no control over ) about are actually still there, just aware of  the joy in the moment of the laughter.  I can't remember the last time I laughed like that while sat alone, but boy! it feels good!

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:       Re: Gratitude Support Group  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=131316.msg2546046#msg2546046

 

 

Right on Nova! How wonderful to laugh. I had this happen a couple of weeks back while talking to my sister. It dint last long and it hasn't come back , but it felt SO good to really laugh again .

 

You're inspiring me to hold longer.... I've been in the tempted to try a cut place for a while now , you know , eager to get on with it , but it don't feel good at all . Housebound mostly still. More functional than I was , but very limited still.

 

Hang in there

Love, MiYu  :smitten:

[[...]]

hi and love to everyone ,

 

MiYu  ❤️

[[bl...]]

Hi Miyu!

 

Has anyone tried cutting a quarter one day a week--then 2x the following week? This is what my dr. recommended for dry cutting. Just curious if anyone had success?

[[Su...]]

hi and love to everyone ,

 

MiYu  ❤️

Hi Miyu,

I was wondering about you today and hoping that things were good....

:smitten:

SS

[[no...]]

Hey Nova, I'm in the us...Ohio to be exact and there are a lot of bad bug going around. I also was taking 50mgs of vistril 4xs a day and then stopped, I didn't even think that could be  causing so issues. I'm actually about yo go to the doctors 

Hi LD  I didn't know you were also on Vistril hun, Vistaril is used as a sedative to treat anxiety and tension. It is also used together with other medications given during and after general anaesthesia. so stopping that CT is probably also contributing to everything as well, so its a possibility that its one thing or 2 things. Vistril withdrawal , and you may have the virus.

 

I myself have stopped certain drugs that should have been tapered off then wondered WTH was going on, and stayed off as I didn't know any better but got over it eventually. But depending how long you took it for and how long a time frame you've been off you need to weigh up is it best to go back on it possibly try a lower dose that may help hold it for a little while until stable then taper it ? Or ride it out and stay off? Or as I said the dreaded virus will also hit you for six for a while symptom wise

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[no...]]

Hey Guys-

 

I just wanted to update about my anger.  I have basically started to become a pothead and this is amazing for my anger.  It doesn't make it completely go away, but it's enough.  It's enough to let me do other things and calm down.  It has also helped me to try and be compassionate and realize that I haven't been being very nice to my husband.  I've been very accusatory and I'll be very thankful if my marriage can survive this.

Hi GC I don't blame you at all, I would be smack at it if I thought it would help, I used to love a joint but it needs to be an Indica to help with symptoms as its a coach lock relaxing one but the arseholes around here don't know one species from another all they know its ''Its a draw'' as we call Cannabis in UK. But I am seriously thinking about getting some Indica seeds ( Pure Afghani NO hybrids) and growing my own and trying vaping to see if it helps at all. 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten: