The Long Hold Support Group

[[ly...]]

So long-holders I am looking for some advice and feedback. About 5 weeks ago I made a cut of .06 V from 1.8 mg/day, down to 1.74 (about 3%?). And this was about 2 months after making another cut, of probably 4%.

I am still in a bad wave: back to daily nausea and stomach upset, extreme anxiety, waking at 3 with panic and anguish so bad I cannot imagine getting out of bed, and exhaustion. Is this pattern at all familiar to others here? I know that as you get lower with the V smaller cuts can get harder; is this possibly what is going on? And with me there is always the Gabapentin angle: I always wonder if, as I go down with the V, it isn't the Gabapentin w/d symptoms resurfacing. Any observations welcome.

 

Calley,

 

I am so sorry that things are bad for you right now.  Just hang in.  I think you will start noticing some improvements.  It can take a very long time for our brains to start recovering - but your brain is working on it every minute.  Please try to find support and someone to talk with about the depression and anxiety.  I know these things can be nothing short of torture.  This will pass.

 

I'm sure the buddies here will chime in.  There is much caring and support here.  We all are walking side-by-side in this and we are with you.  Try to take your mind out of the looping depression - even if it's just a movie or a nap.  I got your pm and hope that you will call a helpline for support.  You are in my thoughts and I truly understand what you are going through.

[[be...]]

So long-holders I am looking for some advice and feedback. About 5 weeks ago I made a cut of .06 V from 1.8 mg/day, down to 1.74 (about 3%?). And this was about 2 months after making another cut, of probably 4%.

I am still in a bad wave: back to daily nausea and stomach upset, extreme anxiety, waking at 3 with panic and anguish so bad I cannot imagine getting out of bed, and exhaustion. Is this pattern at all familiar to others here? I know that as you get lower with the V smaller cuts can get harder; is this possibly what is going on? And with me there is always the Gabapentin angle: I always wonder if, as I go down with the V, it isn't the Gabapentin w/d symptoms resurfacing. Any observations welcome.

Cally I agree with what Lynn said it takes a long time sometimes for our Brain to catch up. Please know that we all have bad times and please call someone to talk to in real life, Valium is notorious for making us feel sad and distraught really things can and do get better. You are not alone, please take care of you.

[[Ca...]]

"Cally I agree with what Lynn said it takes a long time sometimes for our Brain to catch up. Please know that we all have bad times and please call someone to talk to in real life, Valium is notorious for making us feel sad and distraught really things can and do get better. You are not alone, please take care of you."

 

Thanks so much Lynn and Be Good - you really did save me this morning, and I am beyond grateful to have this place to come to. I cannot believe how hard it is this time - so many emotional issues I thought I was coping with pretty well - they're old and recurring - have come up again with a force that really leaves me gasping. I will be holding for a while for sure, and will reach out to my old therapist. Bless you both

[[...]]

Dear Heath ,    (and everyone ),

Thank you for always being so sweet and remembering me ,and those of us struggling currently .....

 

I'm just stopping in to read and catch up . I'm in the same place mostly . It's hard to know what's what still . I feel some improvement in my nervous system settling down a bit , but still very sick .

 

I feel awful after any dose . It seems to ramp up my symptoms for a while , like its toxic as Kgirl said .

But I'm too fragile to taper still . So I'm waiting it out a bit in the hopes that I may feel some more improvement , if not I'll have to start a very slow microtaper .

 

My doc is not keen on my being on two benzos .... Still have to resolve that when I talk to him next week . He's very 'Ashton ' , thoigh he's not rushing me to taper . He thinks a benzo is a benzo , in my experience they are very different in how they effect me anyway .

 

I'm still so hoping a hold will help , remains to be seen .

 

Sending love to everyone ,

MiYu  :smitten:

 

 

 

 

Hi MiYu,

I’m sorry that you are not seeing much improvement. I’m wondering why your doc thinks a benzo is a benzo. If that were the case, why would he agree to cross you over to valium?

But I’m no doctor.

I don’t know how long you have been holding, but I’m wondering why you said if you don’t see some improvement, you may just have to try a very small micro taper anyway.

Why don’t you want to hold until you are stable my friend. Starting a taper when you are still in a very bad place may very well make matters worse, even if it is a tiny tiny cut.  besides, if it is a tiny tiny cut, why bother?. Why not just hold on to your hold?

This is just my opinion, and of course you know how you feel. You have to do what you think is best. It’s just that you are not stable, and little cuts here and there may just be what is causing your CNS screaming for some relief and time to rest and heal and catch up. IMO that’s what it is trying to do. Cutting now, IMO, is not what is called for.but it’s only my opinion

Wha :hug:tever you decide, I’m sure you will make the right decision for you.i wish you the best however you go.

I sincerely hope you will feel a lot better really soon.

 

Heath

 

Dear Heath , Begood , SS , Lynn, slowly , TMB, HS , Cally , Free, Valley if you're reading, Anne, greencup, Cant- even tho youre not here ,thinking of you , and anyone else I've missed 

 

Just answering your question Heath .  The only reason I would consider cutting a micro amount is because I feel so sick with every dose . . I feel the effect of the benzo , that's ok , it works still, but I feel so sick and can't tell if the benzos are making me ill or if it's just my brain body nervous system trying to stabilize .

 

The Valium was ok for me for a year really , and then I started to get so ill with every dose , and sedated in a way that I never had been before , which didnt make sense . It scared me and it's  confusing . I get scared that the meds are toxic for me and thats what makes me want to cut .,

The Valium always 'burned ' me , and made my head feel strange , but that got so much worse and then The sedation .

 

Now the K .... It has some differences , not as sedating , but some weird side effects . Feel this weight on my chest after dosing ,and  other things. I have bad lead legs and tingling , nausea and more at the moment , nightmares , cortisol rushes ...These are wd symptoms no doubt , but I do feel there are some bad side effects im getting too. So that's the only reason I would cut .

But I'm holding , as I need to find out .

 

This is a different doc from  the one that crossed me to Valium . So , I don't know on that one . I'll know after I talk to him this week if he'll allow me to stay with the 2 mgs of V , which seems ok for me at night has it helps with sleep , much more so than the K .

 

I want to be like Slowly! Forget my meds and find out I'm fine ! 

 

Love to everyone ,

MiYu 

 

 

 

 

[[Su...]]

Dear Heath ,    (and everyone ),

Thank you for always being so sweet and remembering me ,and those of us struggling currently .....

 

I'm just stopping in to read and catch up . I'm in the same place mostly . It's hard to know what's what still . I feel some improvement in my nervous system settling down a bit , but still very sick .

 

I feel awful after any dose . It seems to ramp up my symptoms for a while , like its toxic as Kgirl said .

But I'm too fragile to taper still . So I'm waiting it out a bit in the hopes that I may feel some more improvement , if not I'll have to start a very slow microtaper .

 

My doc is not keen on my being on two benzos .... Still have to resolve that when I talk to him next week . He's very 'Ashton ' , thoigh he's not rushing me to taper . He thinks a benzo is a benzo , in my experience they are very different in how they effect me anyway .

 

I'm still so hoping a hold will help , remains to be seen .

 

Sending love to everyone ,

MiYu  :smitten:

 

 

 

 

Hi MiYu,

I’m sorry that you are not seeing much improvement. I’m wondering why your doc thinks a benzo is a benzo. If that were the case, why would he agree to cross you over to valium?

But I’m no doctor.

I don’t know how long you have been holding, but I’m wondering why you said if you don’t see some improvement, you may just have to try a very small micro taper anyway.

Why don’t you want to hold until you are stable my friend. Starting a taper when you are still in a very bad place may very well make matters worse, even if it is a tiny tiny cut.  besides, if it is a tiny tiny cut, why bother?. Why not just hold on to your hold?

This is just my opinion, and of course you know how you feel. You have to do what you think is best. It’s just that you are not stable, and little cuts here and there may just be what is causing your CNS screaming for some relief and time to rest and heal and catch up. IMO that’s what it is trying to do. Cutting now, IMO, is not what is called for.but it’s only my opinion

Wha :hug:tever you decide, I’m sure you will make the right decision for you.i wish you the best however you go.

I sincerely hope you will feel a lot better really soon.

 

Heath

 

Dear Heath , Begood , SS , Lynn, slowly , TMB, HS , Cally , Free, Valley if you're reading, Anne, greencup, Cant- even tho youre not here ,thinking of you , and anyone else I've missed 

 

Just answering your question Heath .  The only reason I would consider cutting a micro amount is because I feel so sick with every dose . . I feel the effect of the benzo , that's ok , it works still, but I feel so sick and can't tell if the benzos are making me ill or if it's just my brain body nervous system trying to stabilize .

 

The Valium was ok for me for a year really , and then I started to get so ill with every dose , and sedated in a way that I never had been before , which didnt make sense . It scared me and it's  confusing . I get scared that the meds are toxic for me and thats what makes me want to cut .,

The Valium always 'burned ' me , and made my head feel strange , but that got so much worse and then The sedation .

 

Now the K .... It has some differences , not as sedating , but some weird side effects . Feel this weight on my chest after dosing ,and  other things. I have bad lead legs and tingling , nausea and more at the moment , nightmares , cortisol rushes ...These are wd symptoms no doubt , but I do feel there are some bad side effects im getting too. So that's the only reason I would cut .

But I'm holding , as I need to find out .

 

This is a different doc from  the one that crossed me to Valium . So , I don't know on that one . I'll know after I talk to him this week if he'll allow me to stay with the 2 mgs of V , which seems ok for me at night has it helps with sleep , much more so than the K .

 

I want to be like Slowly! Forget my meds and find out I'm fine ! 

 

Love to everyone ,

MiYu 

 

Thanks for checking in with us all Miyu, I'm so sorry that things continue to be rough for you.  I know it's so tricky to figure out what to do when things are confusing as to what is causing what.  Oh for that handbook I say! 

Somehow we'll all make it of that I am sure -- handbook or no handbook!

:smitten:

SS

[[...]]

Thanks SS  I need a lot if reminding these days that we all heal eventually . Never thought it'd be like this though! 

[[...]]

I forgot to mention ATU , and TNTD ... Thinking of you both .

 

ATU , I wanted to send you a PM , but couldn't , so I'll write it here in case you check in

 

I just wanted to let you know Im Thinking of you , and hoping that you are coping alright after your sister's passing . I'm so sorry . I know how hard that must be , and in the midst of withdrawal too.

She is free now of this earthly suffering .

 

Sending you prayers and healing thoughts ,

MiYu 🙏🏻

[[To...]]

Dear Heath , Begood , SS , Lynn, slowly , TMB, HS , Cally , Free, Valley if you're reading, Anne, greencup, Cant- even tho youre not here ,thinking of you , and anyone else I've missed 

 

Just answering your question Heath .  The only reason I would consider cutting a micro amount is because I feel so sick with every dose . . I feel the effect of the benzo , that's ok , it works still, but I feel so sick and can't tell if the benzos are making me ill or if it's just my brain body nervous system trying to stabilize .

 

The Valium was ok for me for a year really , and then I started to get so ill with every dose , and sedated in a way that I never had been before , which didnt make sense . It scared me and it's  confusing . I get scared that the meds are toxic for me and thats what makes me want to cut .,

The Valium always 'burned ' me , and made my head feel strange , but that got so much worse and then The sedation .

 

Now the K .... It has some differences , not as sedating , but some weird side effects . Feel this weight on my chest after dosing ,and  other things. I have bad lead legs and tingling , nausea and more at the moment , nightmares , cortisol rushes ...These are wd symptoms no doubt , but I do feel there are some bad side effects im getting too. So that's the only reason I would cut .

But I'm holding , as I need to find out .

 

This is a different doc from  the one that crossed me to Valium . So , I don't know on that one . I'll know after I talk to him this week if he'll allow me to stay with the 2 mgs of V , which seems ok for me at night has it helps with sleep , much more so than the K .

 

I want to be like Slowly! Forget my meds and find out I'm fine ! 

 

Love to everyone ,

MiYu 

Hi MiYu. It is easy for people to forget sometimes that these pills (pharmaceuticals) are chemicals that we put into our bodies. They may cause certain therapeutic things to happen, but not everyone tolerates the chemicals (both active and inactive ingredients). Might be a good idea to hold for awhile. That way, you can see if there is any change in feeling sick after consistent dosing over time, or if the sick feeling is somehow correlated to the amount of active ingredient (dose). I hope you don't have to suffer too long before finding out. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

 

[[be...]]

So long-holders I am looking for some advice and feedback. About 5 weeks ago I made a cut of .06 V from 1.8 mg/day, down to 1.74 (about 3%?). And this was about 2 months after making another cut, of probably 4%.

I am still in a bad wave: back to daily nausea and stomach upset, extreme anxiety, waking at 3 with panic and anguish so bad I cannot imagine getting out of bed, and exhaustion. Is this pattern at all familiar to others here? I know that as you get lower with the V smaller cuts can get harder; is this possibly what is going on? And with me there is always the Gabapentin angle: I always wonder if, as I go down with the V, it isn't the Gabapentin w/d symptoms resurfacing. Any observations welcome.

Hi buddies, I am moving Cally's post up, and hopefully more will respond to her questions, Lynn and I posted, but hoping others will chime in. Sometimes a post gets lost and that buddie may be in dire need of just a few kind words, or maybe someone has an idea that may help her...so since Valley is still away, I am hoping we can all chip in and help those post that may be missed, it takes a Village to get through this we are going through or have been through. Cally hang in there. Stay Strong Cally and All Buddies here on this great thread.  

[[He...]]

Quote from: CallyDex on October 27, 2017, 02:40:50 pm

So long-holders I am looking for some advice and feedback. About 5 weeks ago I made a cut of .06 V from 1.8 mg/day, down to 1.74 (about 3%?). And this was about 2 months after making another cut, of probably 4%.

I am still in a bad wave: back to daily nausea and stomach upset, extreme anxiety, waking at 3 with panic and anguish so bad I cannot imagine getting out of bed, and exhaustion. Is this pattern at all familiar to others here? I know that as you get lower with the V smaller cuts can get harder; is this possibly what is going on? And with me there is always the Gabapentin angle: I always wonder if, as I go down with the V, it isn't the Gabapentin w/d symptoms resurfacing. Any observations welcome.

 

 

Hi CALLE,

First of all, Goodness knows I am no expert! Far from it!  I can only offer what I believe happens to be true for many of us who are battling this benzo devil.

 

Next, I want to tell you that IMO, you should stop and hold right where you are and wait for wdsx to subside. You are not stable. You need to wait and not cut right now. If you are already holding, then I believe you need to keep on holding. Sometimes when you get ahead of yourself, wdsx seem to build up and rear their nasty heads all at once. And a LONG HOLD is necessary to give your CNS time to heal, catch up, and adjust to your cuts.

 

Now I want to tell you something else...but I want you to remember that this is my opinion, and I know that everyone is different, so what I post here  is not the only way to go.its just what I believe IMO. Would be good for you to know.

But in the long run, you do have to do what is best for you.

 

You are right about a taper getting harder the lower the dose you are at and that it is necessary to go much slower and smaller in your cuts. But your last cut was only 3.33% so that seems to be small enough.

But, I remember when I was down to about 1 mg , I started to get wdsx that were worse than before even though I was going really slow.

It was suggested to me, by quite a few buddies, that instead of reducing and then holding ( cut and hold) that I should try a micro taper. They told me that cutting teeny tiny amounts each and every day would not effect my central nervous system so much, not as much as a bigger cut of 5% all at once was effecting me.

So my question to you is, did you cut your 3% all at once? Or did you get to a total of 3% after a month of making teeny tiny cuts every day?

I think you should try a daily micro taper. That way you would also be able to hold your dose immediately as soon as you noticed any wdsx ramping up.

It is really working for me. If I start to get wdsx, I just hold my dose for a couple of days until I feel better ( kind of stopping the wdsx in their tracks) and then I continue my daily micro taper.

 

If you are already doing a daily micro taper, then all I can think of is to cut less than 3% and see what happens.

I th8n’ the most important thing is to remember that sometimes we have to go ridiculously slow in order to keep those wdsx at bay. But better to go really slow and feel good than to rush and feel awful.

 

I wish I had a magical answer for you Calle, but please know that I feel for you. I wish you patience and strength. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS! WE ARE ALL HERE TO SUPPORT YOU. PLEASE KEEP POSTING SO WE CAN HELP YOU THROUGH THIS.

 

HEATH

[[be...]]

Quote from: CallyDex on October 27, 2017, 02:40:50 pm

So long-holders I am looking for some advice and feedback. About 5 weeks ago I made a cut of .06 V from 1.8 mg/day, down to 1.74 (about 3%?). And this was about 2 months after making another cut, of probably 4%.

I am still in a bad wave: back to daily nausea and stomach upset, extreme anxiety, waking at 3 with panic and anguish so bad I cannot imagine getting out of bed, and exhaustion. Is this pattern at all familiar to others here? I know that as you get lower with the V smaller cuts can get harder; is this possibly what is going on? And with me there is always the Gabapentin angle: I always wonder if, as I go down with the V, it isn't the Gabapentin w/d symptoms resurfacing. Any observations welcome.

 

 

Hi CALLE,

First of all, Goodness knows I am no expert! Far from it!  I can only offer what I believe happens to be true for many of us who are battling this benzo devil.

 

Next, I want to tell you that IMO, you should stop and hold right where you are and wait for wdsx to subside. You are not stable. You need to wait and not cut right now. If you are already holding, then I believe you need to keep on holding. Sometimes when you get ahead of yourself, wdsx seem to build up and rear their nasty heads all at once. And a LONG HOLD is necessary to give your CNS time to heal, catch up, and adjust to your cuts.

 

Now I want to tell you something else...but I want you to remember that this is my opinion, and I know that everyone is different, so what I post here  is not the only way to go.its just what I believe IMO. Would be good for you to know.

But in the long run, you do have to do what is best for you.

 

You are right about a taper getting harder the lower the dose you are at and that it is necessary to go much slower and smaller in your cuts. But your last cut was only 3.33% so that seems to be small enough.

But, I remember when I was down to about 1 mg , I started to get wdsx that were worse than before even though I was going really slow.

It was suggested to me, by quite a few buddies, that instead of reducing and then holding ( cut and hold) that I should try a micro taper. They told me that cutting teeny tiny amounts each and every day would not effect my central nervous system so much, not as much as a bigger cut of 5% all at once was effecting me.

So my question to you is, did you cut your 3% all at once? Or did you get to a total of 3% after a month of making teeny tiny cuts every day?

I think you should try a daily micro taper. That way you would also be able to hold your dose immediately as soon as you noticed any wdsx ramping up.

It is really working for me. If I start to get wdsx, I just hold my dose for a couple of days until I feel better ( kind of stopping the wdsx in their tracks) and then I continue my daily micro taper.

 

If you are already doing a daily micro taper, then all I can think of is to cut less than 3% and see what happens.

I th8n’ the most important thing is to remember that sometimes we have to go ridiculously slow in order to keep those wdsx at bay. But better to go really slow and feel good than to rush and feel awful.

 

I wish I had a magical answer for you Calle, but please know that I feel for you. I wish you patience and strength. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS! WE ARE ALL HERE TO SUPPORT YOU. PLEASE KEEP POSTING SO WE CAN HELP YOU THROUGH THIS.

 

HEATH

[glow=red,2,300]"Heath you are a SuperStar" in My Book     [/glow]

[[NJ...]]

Just need to vent a little...

 

After a long, long hold, I did start cutting and have gone from .5 mg of K to .46 as of today in the last few weeks. My symptoms though have been ramped up; I honestly think this has more to do with stress in my life than withdrawal, but either way, I feel overwhelmed when a month ago I felt great. My sleep is horrible and the nausea is present nearly 24/7. I have been interviewing for new jobs and have been out almost every night for the past three weeks as a result. My weekends have also been busy--I have had some work events and my mother is not doing great and lives several hours away.

 

I have received one job offer I needed to turn down as their vacation/sick time policy was not do-able for this stage of my life, particularly with the ups and downs of benzo withdrawal. I am awaiting to see if I get an offer from one other organization; a third pretty much told me they want to hire me; I am stalling as I would prefer to work for the other place.

 

After all these interviews and constant stress, I realize now I may end up just staying where I am if I don't get the offer I want, which is depressing, and wondering if my symptoms will calm down once all this is behind me. I think I am going to hold at the .46 until life settles down; while I feel like I haven't made much progress, it is something to come down from .5. Just feeling like suddenly I a a mess. Realize we all go through periods like this.

[[ly...]]

 

 

Hey NJ,

 

Really sorry this is hitting you so hard.   I would not discount the stress being a significant factor.  This always ramped sxs for me and even brought back ones that had long since left.  I've gotten so much better at handling stress but it was a major problem throughout my taper (I still get some ramping if it's bad enough).  I don't know the mechanism but it's absolutely a cause.  I might even put most of your current situation on stress as opposed to the cut.  It's hard to know since your cut is recent.  I've had no cut in 3.5 months now but had a bad reaction to stress last week.  So I know for certain that I'm not quite there yet as stress is still causing me issues.

 

I wish you could wave your arms of rid yourself of your current stress but life is life and there will always be "things".  Just know that this will get better as time goes by and stress will be far more manageable. Please be gentle with yourself.  Try not to put too much on your shoulders while dealing with the taper.  Be sure to take care of "you".

[[NJ...]]

Thank you for your kind words. lynn. I do definitely think it is the stress and not the cut. I am trying to take care of myself; meditated this morning after getting up, will do a more gentle workout today than normal. At least the interviews are mostly over so I will be home every night this week. I have had evening and weekend commitments almost continuously for the past three weeks ... it is just too much!

[[Ki...]]

Another preface of "Im no expert" but for what its worth... it seems like there are no answers, but there are patterns. When you find what works for you, its a big break. Finding it is another story altogether. Lots of folks agree you do need to go slower as you get lower if you are having problems- which can be really frustrating if you are already going slow. But sometimes our brains want stability longer than other times which means cutting less or cutting yet slower- aaargh! I used to cut .5 mg V a month pretty predictably. Now that Im at less than half my starting dose I can barely cut a third of a mg a month. Its hard to say what is causing those symptoms. But taking gabapentin definitely throws a wrench in the works too. All you can do is try to stabilize before cutting again. Hopefully with some stability, some relief will follow!

 

So long-holders I am looking for some advice and feedback. About 5 weeks ago I made a cut of .06 V from 1.8 mg/day, down to 1.74 (about 3%?). And this was about 2 months after making another cut, of probably 4%.

I am still in a bad wave: back to daily nausea and stomach upset, extreme anxiety, waking at 3 with panic and anguish so bad I cannot imagine getting out of bed, and exhaustion. Is this pattern at all familiar to others here? I know that as you get lower with the V smaller cuts can get harder; is this possibly what is going on? And with me there is always the Gabapentin angle: I always wonder if, as I go down with the V, it isn't the Gabapentin w/d symptoms resurfacing. Any observations welcome.

Hi buddies, I am moving Cally's post up, and hopefully more will respond to her questions, Lynn and I posted, but hoping others will chime in. Sometimes a post gets lost and that buddie may be in dire need of just a few kind words, or maybe someone has an idea that may help her...so since Valley is still away, I am hoping we can all chip in and help those post that may be missed, it takes a Village to get through this we are going through or have been through. Cally hang in there. Stay Strong Cally and All Buddies here on this great thread.

[[Ca...]]

Thanks everybody for the feedback and the validation. I had a much better night - missed the night terrors for a change - and was able to go out, see the grandson in his monkey costume, and get enough clean laundry ready for another week.

I have not been systematic in my taper: really just cut when I feel the urge. I did go down about 3% all at once, and am thinking you are right that it would be better to do that in tiny micro-increments. Won't be making any cuts for a while though: would like to get stable again and stay there for the foreseeable future.

For me stress and family relationships are two huge triggers, and there have been two of those within a very short period of time recently. They are evening out now, and I am hoping for an easing of my reactions to them.

I have 'lived' on BBs like this a couple of times: the first was when I was so sick with Lyme I wanted to die, and was home in bed for several months. It really saved me from ending it all: no joke. It also helped me find the Gabapentin, which was the one thing that touched my nerve pain and made it possible for me to get out of bed.

And when I got off Gabapentin, I found another such, but it wasn't as active or helpful, I really think because Gaba w/d sufferers are so incredibly sick and crazy.

On this site I really get a sense of who everybody is as a person: love reading people's daily blogs, especially those done by people who have managed to put together lives that include their drug struggles, but are not defined or defeated by them. I have been sick for so long, one way or another, that when I do have a crash I am terrified that I am going back to those dark days, will not be able to hang onto the job and the family and the friendships I have managed to hang onto & love throughout all of this. I know I have in the past felt some kind of shame about not having managed to always be a healthy human, and MiYu I think of you in this context: I got myself out of two huge holes health-wise and although I still really really struggle with these issues I do have a life, and you get back to that too: eventually the holding will kick in, or you will hit upon a combination of treatment alternatives that work. Thank you all for pulling me back out this time - and I will try the incremental taper next time I decide to risk it.  :smitten:

 

[[He...]]

HEATH

[glow=red,2,300]"Heath you are a SuperStar" in My Book     [/glow]

 

Thanks for the shout out    BEGOOD    but really I am no superstar. Just trying to give back some of the valuable information I have received from all the buddies here.

I am still going through a lot of what everybody here is going through. I surely know that being here for each other is what keeps us all going.

Hugs and thanks to YOU and everyone else for saving ME innumerable times!

In my book, YOU are the superstar!

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Hi again Calle,  and anyone else....

Don’t worry about going too slow. It’s really worth the patience.

It took me 11 mos to go from 7.5 mg v to 1.2 mg. Went much too fast.... had to hold for 3 months in the middle there too.

And now, a bit smarter and wiser because of the info I received from this forum, I am going much slower than that.

It has taken me about 10 months to go from 1.2mg v to .8 mg

That’s a reduction of only .4 mg in 10 mos. that’s not even a half of a mg! Talk about going slow!

But you know what... I feel pretty good, I am functional. I am back to work. And I am very much a senior citizen. And I know I WILL BEAT THIS THING! Yes it may take another 1 1/2 years.. but I’m on my way!

Patience, turtle walking, positive belief in your ability to do it, and ..( accepting the bad days that will surely come, but knowing that they will pass)  will help a lot.

 

Sonet8mes, actually, many times I find myself in a big slump, depressed, sad, sick of all this...but I distract, and I remember, that one day, I will be free, I will be much better off than I would have been had I not decided to fight this benzo devil and stayed on this awful drug. Golly where would I be now?

 

Fighting is hard! And this is one of the hardest things I have ever done.. and I’ve still got a long way to go...but it’s worth the fight.

 

Oh how I long for the day that this will end.....  BUT IT WILL,

 

Keep up the fight everyone! Let’s be warriors! :oXo:

 

Heath   :smitten:

 

[[Ca...]]

Hi again Calle,  and anyone else....

Don’t worry about going too slow. It’s really worth the patience.

It took me 11 mos to go from 7.5 mg v to 1.2 mg. Went much too fast.... had to hold for 3 months in the middle there too.

And now, a bit smarter and wiser because of the info I received from this forum, I am going much slower than that.

It has taken me about 10 months to go from 1.2mg v to .8 mg

That’s a reduction of only .4 mg in 10 mos. that’s not even a half of a mg! Talk about going slow!

But you know what... I feel pretty good, I am functional. I am back to work. And I am very much a senior citizen. And I know I WILL BEAT THIS THING! Yes it may take another 1 1/2 years.. but I’m on my way!

Patience, turtle walking, positive belief in your ability to do it, and ..( accepting the bad days that will surely come, but knowing that they will pass)  will help a lot.

 

Sonet8mes, actually, many times I find myself in a big slump, depressed, sad, sick of all this...but I distract, and I remember, that one day, I will be free, I will be much better off than I would have been had I not decided to fight this benzo devil and stayed on this awful drug. Golly where would I be now?

 

Fighting is hard! And this is one of the hardest things I have ever done.. and I’ve still got a long way to go...but it’s worth the fight.

 

Oh how I long for the day that this will end.....  BUT IT WILL,

 

Keep up the fight everyone! Let’s be warriors! :oXo:

 

Heath   :smitten:

 

Heath that rate of taper sounds good to me...and I am pretty senior as well. These three days 'gone' were three days away from the baby - and he cut his first tooth during that time!!!! Some days it's hard to think of ourselves as warriors for sure - but you're right we should try!!!!

 

[[He...]]

Hi again Calle,  and anyone else....

Don’t worry about going too slow. It’s really worth the patience.

It took me 11 mos to go from 7.5 mg v to 1.2 mg. Went much too fast.... had to hold for 3 months in the middle there too.

And now, a bit smarter and wiser because of the info I received from this forum, I am going much slower than that.

It has taken me about 10 months to go from 1.2mg v to .8 mg

That’s a reduction of only .4 mg in 10 mos. that’s not even a half of a mg! Talk about going slow!

But you know what... I feel pretty good, I am functional. I am back to work. And I am very much a senior citizen. And I know I WILL BEAT THIS THING! Yes it may take another 1 1/2 years.. but I’m on my way!

Patience, turtle walking, positive belief in your ability to do it, and ..( accepting the bad days that will surely come, but knowing that they will pass)  will help a lot.

 

Sonet8mes, actually, many times I find myself in a big slump, depressed, sad, sick of all this...but I distract, and I remember, that one day, I will be free, I will be much better off than I would have been had I not decided to fight this benzo devil and stayed on this awful drug. Golly where would I be now?

 

Fighting is hard! And this is one of the hardest things I have ever done.. and I’ve still got a long way to go...but it’s worth the fight.

 

Oh how I long for the day that this will end.....  BUT IT WILL,

 

Keep up the fight everyone! Let’s be warriors! :oXo:

 

Heath   :smitten:

 

Heath that rate of taper sounds good to me...and I am pretty senior as well. These three days 'gone' were three days away from the baby - and he cut his first tooth during that time!!!! Some days it's hard to think of ourselves as warriors for sure - but you're right we should try!!!!

 

Yes, I got that “warriors” saying from Begood. She once wrote that to me. I like to think of it when I need a kick in my bottom. Especially when I am feeling sorry for myself and having a pity party!

 

Heath 

[[He...]]

BY THE WAY,  BEGOOD

 

  HOW ARE YOU? You are always here for all of us but rarely complain about anything. I sure hope everything is going absolutely swell for you and your taper and everything in your life!

 

Heath :smitten:

[[He...]]

STILL NOTHING FROM CANT!

 

Golly I hope you are ok CANT!

Hope you will post something soon. We are all concerned about your absence from our group and hope you are ok. We miss you!

 

And VALLEY, I know you are going through a difficult situation. I hope things will settle down for you soon. I am thinking about you and wish you the very best.

 

AND I HAVENT SEEN MUCH FROM ATU, FREEME, LIBRE, NOVA,    I HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING OK .

 

HEATH :smitten:

 

 

[[fr...]]

  Heath, I am around reading, thanks for asking about me.  I don't post much because I really have no improvement.  Still burning neuropathy and other lovely symptoms.  Getting worse so I am trying to figure out what to do at this point.  Glad you are feeling better. 

[[He...]]

  Heath, I am around reading, thanks for asking about me.  I don't post much because I really have no improvement.  Still burning neuropathy and other lovely symptoms.  Getting worse so I am trying to figure out what to do at this point.  Glad you are feeling better. 

 

I’m so sorry to hear that you are still suffering. I wish I could offer advice but I can only give you (((hugs))) and hope your relief will come soon. We all care about you! Try to be strong.

 

Heath. 

[[be...]]

Thanks everybody for the feedback and the validation. I had a much better night - missed the night terrors for a change - and was able to go out, see the grandson in his monkey costume, and get enough clean laundry ready for another week.

I have not been systematic in my taper: really just cut when I feel the urge. I did go down about 3% all at once, and am thinking you are right that it would be better to do that in tiny micro-increments. Won't be making any cuts for a while though: would like to get stable again and stay there for the foreseeable future.

For me stress and family relationships are two huge triggers, and there have been two of those within a very short period of time recently. They are evening out now, and I am hoping for an easing of my reactions to them.

I have 'lived' on BBs like this a couple of times: the first was when I was so sick with Lyme I wanted to die, and was home in bed for several months. It really saved me from ending it all: no joke. It also helped me find the Gabapentin, which was the one thing that touched my nerve pain and made it possible for me to get out of bed.

And when I got off Gabapentin, I found another such, but it wasn't as active or helpful, I really think because Gaba w/d sufferers are so incredibly sick and crazy.

On this site I really get a sense of who everybody is as a person: love reading people's daily blogs, especially those done by people who have managed to put together lives that include their drug struggles, but are not defined or defeated by them. I have been sick for so long, one way or another, that when I do have a crash I am terrified that I am going back to those dark days, will not be able to hang onto the job and the family and the friendships I have managed to hang onto & love throughout all of this. I know I have in the past felt some kind of shame about not having managed to always be a healthy human, and MiYu I think of you in this context: I got myself out of two huge holes health-wise and although I still really really struggle with these issues I do have a life, and you get back to that too: eventually the holding will kick in, or you will hit upon a combination of treatment alternatives that work. Thank you all for pulling me back out this time - and I will try the incremental taper next time I decide to risk it.  :smitten:

Callie, thanks for updating us here, you sound a lot better, you have a lot of good things in your favor, and I know if you slow down and hold for a while you will feel better, you can do this, but like all of us it takes time and some tweaks here and there. Stay Strong and committed to your Health and Wellbeing.