The Long Hold Support Group

[[He...]]

yep that's part of a s-l-o-w taper, the holding part!  Holding has allowed me to regain a life that I find enjoyable..... how's it been for you HS?

Feel any better with a two month hold?

Many here have held for much longer than that when required....

SS

 

I'm trying SS..... one week I feel a little better....this week is the pits.  It makes me think I should just get on with it.  The anxiety is killing me.......anxiety in general and the anxiety about whether holding is the right thing.  I've been forcing myself to do stuff.....but today I'm completely nauseous.  I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels.  I have a long way to go and I'm discouraged.  Mornings are always bad.

I just need constant reassurance.....I guess that's the benzo brain begging for help.  I FEEL LIKE IM ALWAYS COMPLAINING and people are going to stop answering me.  I'm sorry to be so miserable.

I'm glad you are doing well with the holds........

 

❤️HS

Sounds tough HS, really tough.... I wonder what your family says about the holds.... Are they helping you be more "in the world" ?

....don't misunderstand me in that I don't become sxs free during the holds I have done, but it does feel like I'm giving my body a needed break.  Do I remember you were pretty full on sxs when you started holding?

 

I am taking some Mirtazapine for sleep and that is really great for that and for taking the edge off the anxiety... And I do try to keep my mind busy so that I don't create more anxiety -- which it does regularly if I let it wander too far too often...

 

I have a long way to go with the tiny amount that I am tapering atm....working down to that magic time when I won't need liquid.  I think it'll be easier to stay holding there.  I'll throw out the remaining liquid and stay put for a month or two...

 

And I keep invoking that philosopher Winnie the pooh, "you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think...."

These times test us!  Test of fire....

:smitten:

SS

SS

My family is wonderful but befuddled at what is happening to me.....they just don't want to hear it.  My husband is patient at times and frustrated at other times and who can blame him. 

 

And yes I was practically non functional when I started the hold.....thank you for pointing that out.

 

Seems like I'm going to feel like crap for the rest of my life.

 

Thanks for the friendship and the advice....I'm tired of being strong......no choice

 

Sorry to complain

❤️HS

[[sl...]]

Healing, I don't know if this will be of any help but when I did my 6 month- plus hold, my first one, I felt really bad every single day for at least 3 to four months.

I'm not saying every day was the same, some were slightly better but most were horrible with constant nausea, constant  severe vertigo, and an assortment of ear pains, tinnitus, scratchy watering sore eyes, some tummy pain at night and almost total loss of appetite.

I have checked in the diary I was keeping and on the 24th of October I wrote  "felt ok today!!! first time for months"  and it is underlined twice.

I started holding on 1st July.

After that I still had bad days but they just became more bearable and had some good days in between.

The nausea went away first and my appetite returned and no more tummy pains.

After that it just got better and better until, after being on holiday from early November until Christmas week, I felt good and ready to cut again.

The next cuts only gave me vertigo and some ear pain, not helped by catching a flu bug and ear infection on my return flight.

So although I felt like you do .....Oh God I'm never going to feel well....and almost thought I would never be able to taper any further, I just got better and better from then on.

Your case is more complicated than mine because of your pain illness but all I'm saying is that just HOLD and WAIT  and eventually you WILL feel better.

It might come just suddenly like mine did and take you by surprise.

I found, like Valley and Suffering have said, that distracting myself, doing whatever I could manage, some work and some social things which I had to drag myself to because I really didn't feel like going anywhere, it did take my mind off it.

I'm sorry I haven't anything better to say but that is how it happened.

You will feel better eventually.

Just hold and accept what happens and do what you can and no more can be asked of you.

Good luck 

 

[[He...]]

Question

While you are holding....( it's been 2 months) is it possible to feel so bad it's like you are cutting again?  I've been trying to push myself to do stuff but it seems like I've crashed.......

Too much stress???

❤️HS

 

For me stress REALLY ups the sxs..... and there were some days where I felt super bad..... but I kept with the idea that I had pushed my body too far too fast to begin...

SS

 

SS

 

 

 

When I first started to taper off Valium I had the inner trembles. I think it is called parathesia? I'm not sure. All i Know is I felt like there was a vibrating machine inside m body. It had no appearance on the outside . No one could see anything. I did not "shake" on the outside. I only felt it inside me.  So know one understood. I had all kinds of wdsx as well that kept on changing. I had the most awful thoughts of not wanting to go in like this  because I did not see it ever getting better. ALL OF THIS STAYED WITH ME DURING MY HOLD! I held for four months total. But Sometime, I don't remember when, but finally  my wdsx started to go away....however, the inner shakes did not. It was about the third month of my hold, the exact date was ajuly 4, because I remember it clearly. We were watching the fireworks and all of a sudden I realized that the shakes were gone. I absolutely could not believe it. For the first time since the January before I had actually stopped that horrible inner shake. FOR TH FIRST TIME IN SIX MINTHS I ACTUALLY FELT NORMAL.

So yes, that hold,really worked. I didnt think I'd ever be normal again. I had been doing next to nothing and crying all the time and never thought I'd ever be myself again. No one wanted to hear about how I felt. No one wanted to listen to me anymore. I feel hopeless and helpless.  BUT...THE HOLD FIXED ME. LITTLE BY LITTLE IT FIXED ME!

SO DONT GIVE UP.  YOUR SYMPTOMS MAY GET WORSE AT TIMES, AND THEY MAY CHANGE AROUND ALL THE TIME, BUT IF YOU HOLD LONG ENOUGH, THE HOLD WILL WORK. AT LEAST IT DID FOR ME AND FOR MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO DO HOLD LONG ENOUGH.

TRY TO DISTRACT SOUNDS LIKE A CLICHE, BUT ITS NOT! I started macrame.it took my mind off things.  Do anything you can to not think or dwell on how you feel...and one day, you will see, it WILL GET BETTER AND BETTER!

So don't give up! Fight the benzo devil!   You can do this. Be patient for a longer time. You will be glad you did.

Please try and be strong! You can do this. You can do this!

 

Heath

[[He...]]

You both have made me cry.....I was doing ok last week....went to the fire house with the kids and out to dinner on Friday......then I had a gynecologist appointment in a huge new place( was worried about parking- hard to walk far).....then I had a doctors appointment yesterday...there are men working in my yard that are noisy......and I woke up today in uber pain but feeling terrible sxs...my nervous system is so fragile.      And they think I can go to Disney.  Had to cancel on my 87 year old mom today. Just discouraged......but encouraged by both of your comments.

 

It's like a roller coaster....my personality is not good with this...

 

Thank you thank you thank you......

 

❤️HS

[[...]]

Thinking of you HS ❤️

 

I wanted to ask ..... I'm getting interdose WDs even with dosing every 6 hours on the K (4 X day) .

2 of those doses are a half dose with Valium to make up the rest.

 

With holding , is it possible that the interdose WDs will settle also ?

 

4 X day is already often . It seems to last me 5 hours max then the WDs start . And I'm in WD all the time anyway !

 

Confusing .

I know I need to hold as I have so many symptoms still. Just don't know about the interdose thing . They feel like different things . The worst interdose seems to come after the doses with Valium . Which might make sense given I metabolize fast. Except I only used to dose V 3 X day when I was just on that 

 

I'm still in my home , smoke is cleared at the moment , it comes and goes depending on wind direction . Fortunately the wind did not pick up as thought last night . I was praying for that and also listening to rain sounds to invoke cooling of this terrible fire situation here .

Its all so tragic .....

 

Love to everyone.

MiYu ❤️

[[NJ...]]

HS and Miyu:

 

I am just wondering if either of you can or have considered an updose. Sometimes small amounts can make a difference. I sent from .41 K to .5 and within three days my out of control anxiety stopped. I don't know if you have support from your doctors, but I know in the past I have tried to hold for weeks with no relief, and the updose really helps.

 

For me, it is better to updose if you can get functional and then go really, really slow and stay functional if possible.

 

Thinking of you both!

 

I did my first cut since the spring Sunday and I have no noticeable symptoms--realize that can change--so I am now a super believer in slow and really long holds.It may take me years to get this done, but as long as I am doing okay, then I will be fine.

[[Va...]]

Hi all. I’m reading and staying caught up but haven’t been able to post much. I just got a huge side contract with a large school district (which I wasn’t looking for but they begged) so I’m actually working more than full time lol. I’ll try to post when I can.

 

MiYu, I’m not sure what to advise except to hold tight for now.

 

HS it is absolutely normal to have windows and waves and you are stabilizing. The non linearity makes it frustrating because we don’t necessarily have noticeable improvement and it is so gradual when it does happen, we have to look back at where we were and where we are now to be able to se the improvement.

 

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!  —V

[[He...]]

Valley or anyone please chime in...

 

The thing that seems different to me is that I haven't really decreased my dose all that much compared to what I see typically here with holding...

 

I feel like I held .....was so relieved I didn't have to continue cutting.....starting to force myself to do stuff and then crashed....I have updosed a little bit...but after almost a year....I'm only down a little over a milligram of Ativan.

 

I'm starting to think the Ativan is just making me sicker...".

 

Sorry to be so negative but thus is what us happening to me...

 

I look at people just living their lives and I just can't

 

Any thoughts. I'm paralyzed by fear of what to do

❤️HS

[[...]]

HS- I feel the drug makes me sick too. I've also gone down and up like you. Going up helped but it's confusing bc going down also has helped many times. Idk the answer. Some ppl seem to feel ok or even good on the drug so when they hold long, they feel ok. I feel like the drug makes me feel bad so holding long just keeps me feeling bad. I really wish someone had an "answer" of exactly what to do and we could be confident that it would work.

[[Gr...]]

ValleyUm-- Congratulations on all the work!  Definitely a sign of success!    I'm jealous of your ability to be working right. 

 

Miyu-  I'm glad to hear you are okay.  I hope the fires get contained soon.  It's horrifying to watch the news these days.

 

HS  - You're like the third person that I've seen this week on BB saying maybe it would just be better if I tapered faster.  I think it's normal to want to speed things up but honestly slower is usually better with tapers.

 

NJStrength-  Wow- this is super great to hear about your long hold.  So you held from last March until now?  That is a really long hold.  I held for 5 months once and I felt pretty good at the end of it.

 

As for me, still holding.  I actually feel a bit better.  I decided to take flexeril for 3 nights in a row, to help get my back muscles out of constant tension and pain.  Last night was my second night and this morning I felt a lot of motion sickness and dizziness. I also feel some DP and DR.  I'm pretty sure that by taking the flexeril, I trade in my painful muscle tension in for DP.  At this point, I'll take that trade.

 

 

[[He...]]

Flexeril will do that. I think you snd I talked about that. I can't take the dizziness

[[...]]

Thank you for welcoming me to this wonderful group.

Havent been on BB since my last post.

Yesterday was crazy. No anxiety but I could not stand, walk, talk..Bedbound.

My husband is very understanding. But this is crazy. Like im one person one day and someone else the next day.

Not many windows...but the waves hit hard when they come.

 

Like other have posted on BB I can 'feel sick' after taking my dose.

5 mg morning 5 mg night.

But I know from experience that I can not cut now.

Bedbound today as well.

 

I read your posts, but since English is not my first language and my brain is fried I only reply on 'good days'.

Can't even speak swedish properly now.

 

Inner vibrations, high/low BP,  terror and crying spells. I'm a real treat to live with now.

 

Hugs to you all  :smitten:

[[NJ...]]

ValleyUm-- Congratulations on all the work!  Definitely a sign of success!    I'm jealous of your ability to be working right. 

 

Miyu-  I'm glad to hear you are okay.  I hope the fires get contained soon.  It's horrifying to watch the news these days.

 

HS  - You're like the third person that I've seen this week on BB saying maybe it would just be better if I tapered faster.  I think it's normal to want to speed things up but honestly slower is usually better with tapers.

 

NJStrength-  Wow- this is super great to hear about your long hold.  So you held from last March until now?  That is a really long hold.  I held for 5 months once and I felt pretty good at the end of it.

 

As for me, still holding.  I actually feel a bit better.  I decided to take flexeril for 3 nights in a row, to help get my back muscles out of constant tension and pain.  Last night was my second night and this morning I felt a lot of motion sickness and dizziness. I also feel some DP and DR.  I'm pretty sure that by taking the flexeril, I trade in my painful muscle tension in for DP.  At this point, I'll take that trade.

 

Greencup: Yes, I did hold for five months. No one is making me taper so I have the luxury to more or less approach this how I need to. For whatever reason I had a lot of trouble getting below .5 of k, so I updosed and then held as I was super anxious about sending my son to college. Now that he is there and settled, I did my first cut and it seems okay, I am under a lot of stress at work right now and I am really, really hoping to get a new job soon (I am a finalist in three different searches), which I know will be stressful too. But I am just going to go super slow and not worry if this takes me years to do. Less is better and I am trying to remain somewhat optimistic that eventually I will get off, even if it takes me another three years. I have been on some sort of psychiatric medicine most of my life (valium when younger as I threw up all the time, lived in a crazy household), so I am hoping this works. If I am functional, then I am fine with the timeline. I would like to be off it eventually as many neurological conditions run in my family and I originally started with klonopin for sleep, and it hasn't worked for that in a long time!

[[Va...]]

Valley or anyone please chime in...

 

The thing that seems different to me is that I haven't really decreased my dose all that much compared to what I see typically here with holding...

 

I feel like I held .....was so relieved I didn't have to continue cutting.....starting to force myself to do stuff and then crashed....I have updosed a little bit...but after almost a year....I'm only down a little over a milligram of Ativan.

 

I'm starting to think the Ativan is just making me sicker...".

 

Sorry to be so negative but thus is what us happening to me...

 

I look at people just living their lives and I just can't

 

Any thoughts. I'm paralyzed by fear of what to do

❤️HS

Hi HS. A little over 1mg of Ativan is equivalent to a little over 10mg of valium.  That’s great progress! 

[[ly...]]

 

 

Hi Everyone,

 

Three months off now and the 3 things that I have are diminishing.  I'm very pleased.  I truly believe that acute and lengthy post-withdrawal issues can be avoided by a slow taper that keeps wd in check.  I had no ramping at all when I "walked off". 

 

I off this morning for a month in Florida - solo!

[[He...]]

Valley....Lynn....anyone

 

I'm still feeling lousy and my family doctor wants me to start cutting again....I need to get some blood work done first......but I'm paralyzed by fear to start up again....

 

I felt terrible cutting and feel terrible holding....I'm lost

 

He said to cut but hold longer in between ......He's prescribing.....holidays are coming up.....

 

❤️HS

[[Va...]]

 

 

Hi Everyone,

 

Three months off now and the 3 things that I have are diminishing.  I'm very pleased.  I truly believe that acute and lengthy post-withdrawal issues can be avoided by a slow taper that keeps wd in check.  I had no ramping at all when I "walked off". 

 

I off this morning for a month in Florida - solo!

Congrats lynn!  —V

[[Va...]]

Valley....Lynn....anyone

 

I'm still feeling lousy and my family doctor wants me to start cutting again....I need to get some blood work done first......but I'm paralyzed by fear to start up again....

 

I felt terrible cutting and feel terrible holding....I'm lost

 

He said to cut but hold longer in between ......He's prescribing.....holidays are coming up.....

 

❤️HS

I would personally try to keep holding if possible. Sxs should start to die down eventually. Then begin a very slow taper with holds as needed. That seems to be what worked for me.  — V

[[be...]]

 

 

Hi Everyone,

 

Three months off now and the 3 things that I have are diminishing.  I'm very pleased.  I truly believe that acute and lengthy post-withdrawal issues can be avoided by a slow taper that keeps wd in check.  I had no ramping at all when I "walked off". 

 

I off this morning for a month in Florida - solo!

[glow=red,2,300]"FANASTIC NEWS YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ALL OF US"     [/glow]

[[sl...]]

 

 

Hi Everyone,

 

Three months off now and the 3 things that I have are diminishing.  I'm very pleased.  I truly believe that acute and lengthy post-withdrawal issues can be avoided by a slow taper that keeps wd in check.  I had no ramping at all when I "walked off". 

 

I off this morning for a month in Florida - solo!

[glow=red,2,300]"FANASTIC NEWS YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ALL OF US"     [/glow]

 

:clap:  yes, enjoy your trip Lynn.

You deserve it.

I think you are right too - I'm feeling better and better the lower my Valium dose goes but it was the long holds  which made it possible

[[an...]]

 

 

Hi Everyone,

 

Three months off now and the 3 things that I have are diminishing.  I'm very pleased.  I truly believe that acute and lengthy post-withdrawal issues can be avoided by a slow taper that keeps wd in check.  I had no ramping at all when I "walked off". 

 

I off this morning for a month in Florida - solo!

 

Hi Lynn!!

 

Congratulations!!  I had no doubt that you would walk off with no problems. You did it the right way--slow is the key.  Enjoy your trip!!!

 

Anne  :smitten:

[[He...]]

Have a great time Lynn. Congratulations

Maybe I need to take a page from your playbook.

❤️HS

[[sl...]]

Healing Seeker

I think you are being too hard on yourself.

As Valley says, you have reduced by a big amount in one year.

 

At the start of this year I just finished a long hold and was on 10mgs Valium.

I have only just cut to 1.5 mgs and wouldn't have done that if I was having any w/ds.

I have had no symptoms at all since I got below 5mgs but the path down to 5mgs was not pleasant, especially the vertigo, and I thought I would never get any lower without trouble.

 

I see that valium was added to your Ativan early this year but I don't know why it was added.[?]

I'm just wondering if the Valium is what is making you so depressed?

It did that to me.

If your doctor will let you I would do what Valley suggested and hold for a bit longer, and maybe try reducing the Valium rather than the Ativan.

Just a thought.

Valium seems to upset many people and make them depressed - you ARE making good progress.

[[Se...]]

 

 

Hi Everyone,

 

Three months off now and the 3 things that I have are diminishing.  I'm very pleased.  I truly believe that acute and lengthy post-withdrawal issues can be avoided by a slow taper that keeps wd in check.  I had no ramping at all when I "walked off". 

 

I off this morning for a month in Florida - solo!

 

Yay!  Great to hear. Florida - solo.........  I'm jealous. 

[[Su...]]

 

 

Hi Everyone,

 

Three months off now and the 3 things that I have are diminishing.  I'm very pleased.  I truly believe that acute and lengthy post-withdrawal issues can be avoided by a slow taper that keeps wd in check.  I had no ramping at all when I "walked off". 

 

I off this morning for a month in Florida - solo!

Congratulations Lynn!!!

Inspiration to all of us.... It seems to me if I look at you sig that you held for about a year during your taper.....

And then walked off....

Florida!  On your own!    :thumbsup:

SS