The Long Hold Support Group

[[sl...]]

Hi All,

 

I have been holding for two weeks -- nothing I know -- and cut .001 mg of Xanax one night as an experiment  -- was thrown into amped up sxs ...... arghhh.  there seems to be something about this dose range where my body is revolting any cut....  (and then there will be the Valium to contend with)... discouraged this morning but will persevere!

 

SI  the lack of sxs from your inadvertent c/t is pretty wild!  Kind of puts some things into question -- but it appears to be Valium related, or maybe if our meds are stolen  ... sure allows me to long for the day I am off this poison.

And thanks for writing about your story -- not boring at all!  strength and pluck!

 

Miyu -- I hope that your c/o is going well?  Are you feeling any better getting the Valium out of your system?

 

Laura -- I know it's been said before by others, I'm so sorry with what you and your sister, family are having to deal with -- hard enough when we understand our own w/d.... I wish I had more to offer in the way of suggestions.  I'll be thinking of you all ....

 

Any of you who I didn't mention by name, I read these posts and hope for the best for all of us..... the courage here is amazing! thank you for writing!

:smitten:

SS

Your guess is as good as mine SS.

Shall I arrange a sort of hitman to steal your meds

I don't recommend it, I was scared stiff for a few days.

I hope you feel better soon - this too shall pass [as somebody once said]

I never realised my showing my ex the door was strong and plucky but now that you mention it ....lol

I am just lucky that it turned out for the best, although even my psych doc said my ex was one of the most selfish people he had ever met - and that was probably up against some stiff competition

 

Good luck and healing thoughts to all  :smitten:

Everyone try to relax, be strong and stay well 

 

[[Va...]]

Hi all! I hope those having a rough time start seeing some improvements. This journey is certainly a roller coaster and actuall feels like I just got off of a roller coaster a large part of the time lol.  We will all make it off and get back to real living and really feeling again.

 

I had a stupid day yesterday.  I had to drive 4 hours to do an evaluation only to reach my destination and have the people cancel on me so I turned right around and drove 4 hours back home. Something about driving that is truly exhausting lol.

 

Hope you all have a great night!  --V

[[...]]

Wow slowly, what a story. It was not boring at all! You have a lot of strength. I hope that your unexpected taper continues to be uneventful So glad to hear that you woke without depression. I usually wake with severe anxiety myself. Gets me out of bed at least!!

 

Hey ss, I struggle with tiny cuts like that too. I'm hoping that since I've been holding for almost seven months I will be able to taper by at least that much. It's really frustrating to have to go so slow but that's part of this journey. Turtle slow but we will cross the finish line.

 

HS, So glad to hear that you were able to get out of the house and go to dinner. How did it go??

My husband travels for work too. He just came home from a trip last night. He hasn't been to London in awhile and I don't know if I could deal with him flying overseas right now. Too much stress. My guy is nowhere near retirement though.

 

V this journey sure is a roller coaster. It will be nice when we get to the end of the ride and can step off. 

 

I had a nice window last week but went back into a wave that has been up and down since last Sunday. I was sitting in a light wave/dirty window for a few days and then woke up back in the wave this morning. Not sure what is going on. I was doing so well before the change to my generics. Found out it's pretty well known, by the secretaries at least, that the yellow pills are stronger than the pink pills!! Turns out a lot of people have problems when they change them. Watched my pdoc request that I only get the pink pills from now on. Is it going to be harder or easier to taper from the pills that have less medication in them?

 

Hugs and healing everyone 

T

 

 

[[He...]]

Seems like everyone who is posting is doing somewhat better. Glad to hear it.

 

That's weird about the Valium cuts with no wdsx! Wish I could say that!

 

Hey MiYu...what's hapoening with your crossover and getting rid of Valium. Still feeling better because of it I hope?

 

V, I hope you charge the peopke who cancel on you the last minute, if there was a fee involved in the first place. Driving 8 hours round trip???!Z,! ...and fir nothing! Omg! I hate when people cancel on things at the last minute!

 

I am just trying to get good sleep lately. The only side effects I am having lately is really bad insomnia. I have Remeron but hate to take it. Sure it's like magic. I'll sleep for 10 -11 hours, but then I am like hung over for half of the rest of the day.  Can't do that when I have to go to work!

 

So it's a crazy battle. Funny though, I can make it through the day with as little as 2-3 hours of sleep. But after two days... no way... but I only take the Remeron on the nights that I know I don't have to go to work the next day. And I won't take it more than once in ten days because I don't want to get dependent on it. Damn this is hard... but I'm not giving up.

 

I think maybe I'll hold on my micro taper fir about two weeks and see if my sleep gets better. Maybe my body needs a rest for my brain to catch up even if I am not getting any other side effects. Who knows? Nobody knows! It's a crAp shoot!

 

Hoping everyone is feeling better. And to those who aren't posting, I hope it's not because you are in a bad way, but if it is, my prayers are with you!....like...where is Freeme, and Nova and anyone else who I don't see here lately. I really hope you are doing ok!

 

Heath

[[sl...]]

Hi all! I hope those having a rough time start seeing some improvements. This journey is certainly a roller coaster and actuall feels like I just got off of a roller coaster a large part of the time lol.  We will all make it off and get back to real living and really feeling again.

 

I had a stupid day yesterday.  I had to drive 4 hours to do an evaluation only to reach my destination and have the people cancel on me so I turned right around and drove 4 hours back home. Something about driving that is truly exhausting lol.

 

Hope you all have a great night!  --V

Jeez Valley, my language [to myself]  would have been "inappropriate"  in most company.

I would have been furious.

Good for you for sounding so calm.

Hope you are well, apart from the rollercoaster?

It sure doesn't help to drive for that length of time if you get vertigo.

[[sl...]]

Seems like everyone who is posting is doing somewhat better. Glad to hear it.

 

That's weird about the Valium cuts with no wdsx! Wish I could say that!

 

Hey MiYu...what's hapoening with your crossover and getting rid of Valium. Still feeling better because of it I hope?

 

V, I hope you charge the peopke who cancel on you the last minute, if there was a fee involved in the first place. Driving 8 hours round trip???!Z,! ...and fir nothing! Omg! I hate when people cancel on things at the last minute!

 

I am just trying to get good sleep lately. The only side effects I am having lately is really bad insomnia. I have Remeron but hate to take it. Sure it's like magic. I'll sleep for 10 -11 hours, but then I am like hung over for half of the rest of the day.  Can't do that when I have to go to work!

 

So it's a crazy battle. Funny though, I can make it through the day with as little as 2-3 hours of sleep. But after two days... no way... but I only take the Remeron on the nights that I know I don't have to go to work the next day. And I won't take it more than once in ten days because I don't want to get dependent on it. Damn this is hard... but I'm not giving up.

 

I think maybe I'll hold on my micro taper fir about two weeks and see if my sleep gets better. Maybe my body needs a rest for my brain to catch up even if I am not getting any other side effects. Who knows? Nobody knows! It's a crAp shoot!

 

Hoping everyone is feeling better. And to those who aren't posting, I hope it's not because you are in a bad way, but if it is, my prayers are with you!....like...where is Freeme, and Nova and anyone else who I don't see here lately. I really hope you are doing ok!

 

Heath

 

Yes it is weird Heath.

I slept 8 hours again and no depression on waking so I do think it's valium/diazepam which causes that.

It is so unpredictable though.

I keep thinking that I will get post w/d butI am just going with how I feel at the moment.

Thinking about it though, my bad symptoms were all related to stopping Nitrazepam, and possible carried on well after my 6 month hold and started my valium taper.

I had no problems after that except vertigo and ear problems and I have had those frequently before I ever saw a benzo so I'm still working it out 

My sx earlier this year could have been extended Nitrazepam w/d,

OR connected with the fact that I had just done 2 x 7hr flights to india and back plus 2 x 4 hour flights in Feb/March.

I have always had ear problems after flying and also I caught a flu and ear infection on the flight back in February.

The Diazepam probable just made it worse [?]  I have no idea.

Also I've had vertigo well pre benzo, during stress, after long periods of bad sleeplessness and after long journeys so, again - who knows!

I empathise with you about sleep and sleep meds.

Every one I've ever had has made me feel as if I'm walking through treacle the day after so it's a desperation move when I take any and I think you are managing that wisely so, no, don't give up 

I can also manage after 3 hours or less for a coupe of days.

It scared me when my twins were babies and I had also a 3 yr old - I worried terrible about coping, which didn't help.

Good luck and healing 

[[sl...]]

Wow slowly, what a story. It was not boring at all! You have a lot of strength. I hope that your unexpected taper continues to be uneventful So glad to hear that you woke without depression. I usually wake with severe anxiety myself. Gets me out of bed at least!!

 

HS, So glad to hear that you were able to get out of the house and go to dinner. How did it go??

My husband travels for work too. He just came home from a trip last night. He hasn't been to London in awhile and I don't know if I could deal with him flying overseas right now. Too much stress. My guy is nowhere near retirement though.

 

 

I had a nice window last week but went back into a wave that has been up and down since last Sunday. I was sitting in a light wave/dirty window for a few days and then woke up back in the wave this morning. Not sure what is going on. I was doing so well before the change to my generics. Found out it's pretty well known, by the secretaries at least, that the yellow pills are stronger than the pink pills!! Turns out a lot of people have problems when they change them. Watched my pdoc request that I only get the pink pills from now on. Is it going to be harder or easier to taper from the pills that have less medication in them?

 

Hugs and healing everyone 

T

 

Thank you.

It's not always easier to manage on your own at first, but it was the best option for me.

Your husband is clearly supportive of you and helps you, which mine didn't.

I do hope you get more windows than waves from now on as you have sorted the generics problem out.

I don't think it will be harder to w/d from the pink ones if they are the ones which suit you best, and the extra problems you have had seem to be connected with the less good generics.

Your brain possible just needs the stability of staying on the same tablets [?]

Very good wishes for your healing and thank you for your kind words :smitten:

[[sl...]]

Hope Cant, Nova and others who have been absent for a while are all well and wish you all good luck 

[[ly...]]

 

 

Hello Everyone,

 

Reading and following and wishing the best for all.

[[sl...]]

 

 

Hello Everyone,

 

Reading and following and wishing the best for all.

Hello Lynn - backatcha 

[[He...]]

Hi all ( hope that works...too many names..... but I do mean all)

 

Haven't posted a couple of days......it's been a little over 3 weeks...almost a month of holding......tried to get out of the house last week with some limited success ( yes it's been a roller coaster).....went to dinner....went to my grandchildrens soccer yesterday morning.....then my husband left fir his overseas trip.  Had a terrible night and woke up completely anxious.......heart beating out if my chest anxiety.

So didn't want to get out of bed and have no idea of what to do with myself today.

 

I once again need some reassurance from those long time holders that I'm doing the right thing.....I guess I know I am.    Cutting seems out of the question.

 

I read the propaganda twice last night.

 

I guess the pain and the anxiety are getting to me.

 

Thoughts.....feeling kind of desperate......and just tired of feeling this way.

 

Getting sick of my routine....staying in the house and especially feeling dizzy 24/7

 

And I'm gaining weight.....have always been a skinny person

 

So is that enough complaining....don't kick me out......sorry

❤️HS

 

 

[[Va...]]

Hi all! I hope those having a rough time start seeing some improvements. This journey is certainly a roller coaster and actuall feels like I just got off of a roller coaster a large part of the time lol.  We will all make it off and get back to real living and really feeling again.

 

I had a stupid day yesterday.  I had to drive 4 hours to do an evaluation only to reach my destination and have the people cancel on me so I turned right around and drove 4 hours back home. Something about driving that is truly exhausting lol.

 

Hope you all have a great night!  --V

Jeez Valley, my language [to myself]  would have been "inappropriate"  in most company.

I would have been furious.

Good for you for sounding so calm.

Hope you are well, apart from the rollercoaster?

It sure doesn't help to drive for that length of time if you get vertigo.

I would have been really mad if I just got paid for mileage but I get paid per hour for travel time and it's a substantial amount so I got paid basically to take a road trip lol. --V

[[sl...]]

We wouldn't kick you out HS 

We have all done this as well, even in the short time I've been here.

It's very hard and I'm so sorry you are going through it.

 

The two or three good holds I have done have helped me, and I won't hesitate to hold again because I'm a wuss about feeling ill.

I won't put up with it.

 

The propaganda is good.

Anxiety and worrying seem to affect almost everyone and of course they make you feel even more ill.

The dizziness will go eventually and even more quickly if you don't stress about it.

Probably the stress of your husband leaving on a tip is not helping.

I have felt very well as you know but during the short time I was worried about the bomb attack, before I made contact with my family, i felt vertigo return briefly.

it went as soon as I stopped worrying.

it is a nasty symptom I know

 

You can't cut though while you are feeling so bad can you?

Not my call but I wouldn't even think about it.

Relax and ride it out for a few more days - it will pass I'm sure 

The more experienced in holding will chime in and help I'm sure but that's just my thoughts on it .

[[sl...]]

Hi all! I hope those having a rough time start seeing some improvements. This journey is certainly a roller coaster and actuall feels like I just got off of a roller coaster a large part of the time lol.  We will all make it off and get back to real living and really feeling again.

 

I had a stupid day yesterday.  I had to drive 4 hours to do an evaluation only to reach my destination and have the people cancel on me so I turned right around and drove 4 hours back home. Something about driving that is truly exhausting lol.

 

Hope you all have a great night!  --V

Jeez Valley, my language [to myself]  would have been "inappropriate"  in most company.

I would have been furious.

Good for you for sounding so calm.

Hope you are well, apart from the rollercoaster?

It sure doesn't help to drive for that length of time if you get vertigo.

I would have been really mad if I just got paid for mileage but I get paid per hour for travel time and it's a substantial amount so I got paid basically to take a road trip lol. --V

LOL in that case Valley, good for you and serves them right 

[[Va...]]

Hi all ( hope that works...too many names..... but I do mean all)

 

Haven't posted a couple of days......it's been a little over 3 weeks...almost a month of holding......tried to get out of the house last week with some limited success ( yes it's been a roller coaster).....went to dinner....went to my grandchildrens soccer yesterday morning.....then my husband left fir his overseas trip.  Had a terrible night and woke up completely anxious.......heart beating out if my chest anxiety.

So didn't want to get out of bed and have no idea of what to do with myself today.

 

I once again need some reassurance from those long time holders that I'm doing the right thing.....I guess I know I am.    Cutting seems out of the question.

 

I read the propaganda twice last night.

 

I guess the pain and the anxiety are getting to me.

 

Thoughts.....feeling kind of desperate......and just tired of feeling this way.

 

Getting sick of my routine....staying in the house and especially feeling dizzy 24/7

 

And I'm gaining weight.....have always been a skinny person

 

So is that enough complaining....don't kick me out......sorry

❤️HS

You're doing great HS.  I'm pretty sure most who have done long holds question it at one time or another.  I know I did and had to set a firm length of time to hold so I could just quit worrying about it.  I also gained quite a bit of weight and think it's a combination of inactivity and changes in metabolism from withdrawal.  I have been doing a strict ketogenic diet the past month and a half and have lost quite a bit but now seem stuck. Try not to worry about it right now. Everything will work out for you as you get stable and taper down imo.  --V

[[He...]]

What do you all do about anxiety? It's at a very high level and I'm sick of it?

 

Plus the anxiety drives the pain and the pain causes anxiety ....they go hand in hand. ARGH

 

TIPS?

❤️HS

[[He...]]

Anybody know or practice ACT for anxiety??

❤️HS

 

TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS THING....the operative word here is trying

[[sl...]]

Yes I do.

I had a long course of CBT and also ACT which is similar but more about acceptance rather than challenging thoughts and kind of redirecting them.

I kind of got on well with them but I possibly didn't have quite the same level of anxiety that you have, and no pain of course.

People do say that accepting your symptoms and seeing them as your brain trying to heal itself is the best way.

Easier to say than to do isn't it but it's what I do when I have vertigo.

 

I think if I have pain, as long as I know what is causing it I don't get anxious about it, just fed up with it.

Are you anxious in general about the pain or is it being made worse by withdrawal?

 

Suffering Sixty and Cant probably have more insight but Cant seems to have gone AWOL.

Hoping he is ok.

[[He...]]

I am anxious about the pain getting worse and the withdrawal (stress) is making the whole kit and kaboodle worse. It's s vicious cycle. I found a YouTube series about ACT and anxiety.

 

I've had anxiety since I was a kid but have had long periods when it went dormant... this chronic pain condition has flared everything up.  I'm afraid of the pain basically.  I was told to say this pain has no value to you because it's a glitch in my brain. There is no tissue damage.  The pain is a protective mechanism... just like anxiety... and they are both killing me with protection.

 

I'm suppose to gradually walk a tiny bit each day more. But we are talking like 200 steps. Not blocks ...

 

That's my story. My husband made it to Portugal.

❤️HS

[[Su...]]

Anybody know or practice ACT for anxiety??

❤️HS

 

TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS THING....the operative word here is trying

Hi HS,

Yes anxiety! and ACT is really good for that kind of intractable stuff.  I know I would wake up in pure panic some days, but would amaze myself with being able to lie there and see the anxiety as something that wasn't actually me... Yes easier said than done, and way easier some days than others.  But I find it comes and goes.  I also really try to distract myself with funny things when the anxiety becomes too much.... funny movies, funny TV shows.  Laughing helps!  Really helps me....

Hope it passes or that you feel some relief soon.

:smitten:

SS

[[He...]]

Thanks I'm grateful ... will work on this

 

Go EAGLES🦅🏈

 

 

[[ly...]]

 

 

HS - my pdoc used to say that my anxiety was "free-floating" and would attach itself to whatever was going on in my life.  It wasn't that I needed to worry about it, I just couldn't help it as that was the way anxiety works.  I agree with V as far as anxiety about the hold.  Put a future date on it - say one month.  You will revisit and assess then and won't think about it until then.  And remember your words - can't cut now.  The decision to hold is out of your hands.  There really is no decision.  But, try to put it on the calendar for some date in the future.  And put it to rest until then.  It's not like you are worse(?).

[[He...]]

Lynn.  Do you have anxiety now???

How about during your taper?

 

Would just love to pick your brain....

You seem to be doing so well.  I WANT that.

 

I'm almost ( not even slmost) afraid to taper at all

Yup I just said it. Terrified  Been on these meds for 30 years. And each cut is terrible .

I have such a long way to go.... but not now

Thanks for responding

 

How is your Mom???

❤️HS

[[ly...]]

Lynn.  Do you have anxiety now???

How about during your taper?

 

Would just love to pick your brain....

You seem to be doing so well.  I WANT that.

 

I'm almost ( not even slmost) afraid to taper at all

Yup I just said it. Terrified  Been on these meds for 30 years. And each cut is terrible .

I have such a long way to go.... but not now

Thanks for responding

 

How is your Mom???

❤️HS

 

 

HS, I don't have any anxiety.  I am so calm it's truly unbelievable and such a great feeling.  I had such bad anxiety for years, ever.  It vanished on the first xanax cut (8mg to 2mg) and the c/t of 25yrs prozac and the more recent zyprexa.  It was like someone flipped a light switch.  So...none during taper and none now.

 

I think that once you start feeling well and know that none of this is permanent you will be less afraid of tapering.  I was afraid too after my 8 month hold.  Those first two cuts were huge and brought on severe wd which lasted a very, very long time.  I had a false start when I finally cut again after 8 months.  I kind of panicked when wd came on and I waited a bit longer - thinking I wasn't ready.  Finally I just bit the bullet.  But I went with much lesser cuts and didn't get slammed again - ever.

 

Of course, all of this was much easier without the anxiety.  I truly never worried about the wd sxs.  I had read and knew they were common.  The only time I had a little bit of doubt about something going away was when I made the dumb mistake of visiting the "dizzy" forum.  Never went to those type of places again.

 

I was just always of the mindset "oh well...dizzy, short of breath, hot flashes, high pulse/bp, etc., whatever it was".. guess I'll stay in bed and watch tv, get some wet wash cloths, try to relax, have some ice cream...whatever would alleviate things or make me feel better (ice cream!).

 

Also, I wasn't on BB that whole first year - when things were really bad.  I never read of horror stories.  The thought of permanence/protracted was not in my thought process.  And...I got better on the hold!  I never had any reason to think I wouldn't.  And after that experience I knew these awful things I read about were not in my future.  I truly don't believe they are in 99.9% of our futures.  Esp. with our careful tapers!  I would move that to 100%.

 

You'll be fine! 

 

p.s. mom is doing ok.  Still not home in her own bed as the power remains out.  I think there will be some mental/emotional aftermath to go through.  I'll be back down there for the month of October and take good care of her.

[[He...]]

Hope I can talk to you again. You are so positive.

 

Thinking about your Mom. Gotta be hard at her age. My Mom is 87. She's spunky but that would get to her.  Thinking of all the hurricane suffering.  Let's hope Maria goes out to sea.

 

Thanks for your kindness

 

My Eagles are losing. Long time Philadelphia sports fan/ sufferer. Lol

 

❤️HS