The Long Hold Support Group

[[Ca...]]

Me again

I was just watching a Hand in Hand for hurricane relief show that I taped a couple of nights ago.....sobbing.

My car has to go into the shop to get the heater fan replaced tomorrow...a minor inconvenience.....but I have a car.....

My husband leaves on a business trip....I'll be lonely and I'll miss him.....but he has a job

They are coming to plant bushes and trees in my yard next week cause a tree fell.....but I have a home and a dry yard to plant them in....

My granddaughter comes early tomorrow morning and we take her to school......she has a school to go to........

I may not feel good right now.....but I am blessed beyond belief

So many are suffering.....just thought I would share.......

There are so many good people out there helping others.....I was inspired ......THANK YOU all for helping me.

❤️HS

:smitten:

That was Great healing, -and THAT is the thought process that will serve you well through your taper... -This is the BIG one, It takes Time and a special type of acceptance/determination...

You are getting there...!!

 

***

Slept like a log till 3:30pm... ooops...

Next...

 

[[sl...]]

Me again

I was just watching a Hand in Hand for hurricane relief show that I taped a couple of nights ago.....sobbing.

My car has to go into the shop to get the heater fan replaced tomorrow...a minor inconvenience.....but I have a car.....

My husband leaves on a business trip....I'll be lonely and I'll miss him.....but he has a job

They are coming to plant bushes and trees in my yard next week cause a tree fell.....but I have a home and a dry yard to plant them in....

My granddaughter comes early tomorrow morning and we take her to school......she has a school to go to........

I may not feel good right now.....but I am blessed beyond belief

So many are suffering.....just thought I would share.......

There are so many good people out there helping others.....I was inspired ......THANK YOU all for helping me.

❤️HS

:smitten:

That was Great healing, -and THAT is the thought process that will serve you well through your taper... -This is the BIG one, It takes Time and a special type of acceptance/determination...

You are getting there...!!

 

***

Slept like a log till 3:30pm... ooops...

Next...

Yes that's the right attitude HS 

It's what I always try to do - often not easy you are doing so well.

 

 

Cant  ...yes 3.30 isn't great is it.

How many hours was that altogether?

I would try something to sleep at the moment because you might find that after the last dose of benzos your sleep may return to normal and you won't need anything.

Might be trial and error with sleep meds but, hey, we are used to that aren't we 

 

[[Ca...]]

SI, it was 8 good hours, but still a bit groggy after...

Didnt get to shops though...

Must run.... kids...

Thanks...

[[sl...]]

Well I'm feeling so good still but it will probably change 

 

I have always thought that V doesn't agree with me and I do seem to feel better the lower the dose goes.

Makes it tempting to rush but I'm not going to, I'm preparing for a hold until Christmas [longer if nec]  because I go on hol at beginning of Nov until Christmas and don't want to risk anything.

 

Then I have 6 weeks before the next hol so I will prob try another cut at the start of that time - IF I feel ok

Not banking on anything.

 

HS

Just thinking about some things which have helped me with sleep, which I learned during my psych/CBT/sleep therapy.

You sound like me in that you have had insomnia all your adult life and mine started aged 7.

 

I'm sure you know all the "sleep" things like no screens etc but the others may be new to you.

By the way I'm noticing the good effects of my Lumie sunlight clock since I got back home - definitely no groggy feeling, no depression this morning and a really good sleep for the last 2 nights.

[i'm on commission for sales of Lumie  - I wish  ]

 

what I do if/when I wake at 3-4am, which I did before benzo even :-

 

1 Quick trip to bathroom just in case 

 

2 Swap pillows [i sleep in a big bed all to myself so I swap them over]  a cooler pillow is said to help you to return to sleep, I spray it with lavender water.

 

3 Then I do my 3-4-7 breathing for about 10 minutes  .....breathe in for a count of 3, hold breath for count of 4, exhale strongly through mouth for a count of 7.

Helps get oxygen to brain and I think it distracts as well and takes your mind off sleeping.

 

4 I've usually dropped off by this time but if not,I recite a mantra for a while.....almost always back asleep within 20-30 minutes and sleep for another 3-4hours until around 7.30  [my preferred wake up time]

Worth a try?

Make up your own mantra - again it's a distraction from not sleeping.

 

[[sl...]]

SI, it was 8 good hours, but still a bit groggy after...

Didnt get to shops though...

Must run.... kids...

Thanks...

 

8 hours great 

You may be catching up 

Groggy is nasty though.

[[He...]]

SI. Thanks for the tips

 

I also sleep in a bed by myself as my husband snores big time......like his Dad.....

I've counted back from 100 by threes......all kinds of things...

My main problem is that my Ativan wears off about 2-3 cause it's a short acting benzo and I'm in withdrawal. 

 

Slept better last night.... 2 wake ups...but still feel kind of off....I have no car today so it might just be a down day today....I'll have to help my husband pack for his trip.....

 

CANT.......SO GLAD you got some zzzzzzzs .

 

Appreciate your encouragement......maybe need to start a gratitude journal

 

Good day everyone

❤️HS

[[ly...]]

 

 

H.S. - my husband travels alot as well.  I have to say that I don't mind the extra room in the bed, full control of the remote...and ice cream for dinner!  Don't tell anyone!...

[[La...]]

Has anyone ever done a long hold, then cut lower and had to go back to previous level for a longer hold?

 

We were holding for about 5 1/2 months (we didn't plan to, but we didn't get a settling and the symptoms kept rolling in; we never had to hold for so long). About 2 weeks ago, we did a cut (for fear of running out of pills), and things are really too much this week (last week we had bad mornings, maybe cortisol or akathisia, but windows each night, with her calm, smiling/laughing at shows, throwing soccer ball around at her initiation).

 

we are thinking of going back to previous level and holding longer.  This is the first time we have considered going back to previous level, it's just too much for her.  We thought it was maybe cortisol, since she got this bad " I don't feel well" feeling in the morning, but it seems to last too long for cortisol, plus last night 9pm or so she said she was getting that morning feeling. Whatever this bad/uncomfortable morning feeling is, it's bad enough for her to be terrified to go to sleep b/c she's afraid of the morning feeling.

 

 

 

[[sl...]]

SI. Thanks for the tips

 

I also sleep in a bed by myself as my husband snores big time......like his Dad.....

I've counted back from 100 by threes......all kinds of things...

My main problem is that my Ativan wears off about 2-3 cause it's a short acting benzo and I'm in withdrawal. 

 

Slept better last night.... 2 wake ups...but still feel kind of off....I have no car today so it might just be a down day today....I'll have to help my husband pack for his trip.....

 

CANT.......SO GLAD you got some zzzzzzzs .

 

Appreciate your encouragement......maybe need to start a gratitude journal

 

Good day everyone

❤️HS

Yes HS my ex snored big time 

I've done the counting too.

 

I was very surprised when the breathing thing worked - I didn't expect it to but maybe there is something in the getting oxygen to the brain.

It helps when I wake in the night , which was caused by benzos by the benzos - valium seems to be known for it even though it is long acting, they are all nasty things.

My "normal",  without benzo, insomnia is mainly  not going off to sleep initially but my techniques have worked well for that unless I'm really stressed about something.

No need for gratitude HS we are here to help and encourage each other.

[[sl...]]

 

 

H.S. - my husband travels alot as well.  I have to say that I don't mind the extra room in the bed, full control of the remote...and ice cream for dinner!  Don't tell anyone!...

We will keep it quiet, Lynn.

My ex travelled quite a bit too - such a relief

[[ly...]]

 

 

H.S. - my husband travels alot as well.  I have to say that I don't mind the extra room in the bed, full control of the remote...and ice cream for dinner!  Don't tell anyone!...

We will keep it quiet, Lynn.

My ex travelled quite a bit too - such a relief

 

Mini vacation!! :laugh:

[[He...]]

A night or two is ok. A week is a long time... plus when he gets back he's a mess from the 5 hour time difference.  Plus I'm not well enough to grocery shop for myself yet.  But I'll be fine.... my daughter lives a 1/2 mile away.

 

 

Ok so it's day two of being really really dizzy. This is going to take some time.  Yes?

Feels like a mini crash( cause I wasn't feeling that great to begin with)

Don't mind me just tell me it's normal and I'll feel better.

 

❤️HS

[[sl...]]

It's totally normal.

Not pleasant but you will be ok.

Take it easy and relax.

As BG says BREATHE 

[[...]]

Hi Slowly, Thank you, I'm hoping for more windows too though I'm starting to want to cut or taper or move forward in some way.  I'm glad your 50% cut has been going ok. LOL, close to Ashton's 10%...that's good 

 

Hey there Can't, I'm glad you were able to get some good sleep, did you make it to your blood draw though?

I have the same problem of feeling great in the evening and then having the horrible sxs in the morning too. I have done some things to help with that and they work to some extent. My favorite is putting up blackout curtains/shades or using a sleep mask to block out the light.

 

Hi H.S. my husband travels too. He's currently in New Orleans. I also struggle with agoraphobia and can usually only get out of the house if I'm with him so no grocery shopping for me either. Our daughter still lives with us so I won't starve and I have some company but my hubby is my best friend. On top of that we moved here and then all of this happened so I haven't made any friends in the area. I hate it when my hubby travels, I miss him so much and I'm terrified something will happen to him. I stress myself out really badly. That doesn't help with the sxs at all 

 

Hi Laura, I can relate to being afraid to go to bed because I know I'll wake up with the horrible sxs. It makes you want to stay up all night  I mentioned above that I also have the evening sxs reduction but I do have times when I have sxs even in the evenings. Those days are really rough because you don't get any time off and then you don't want to go to bed and start all over again. The cortisol is all messed up and can last all day or just a portion of the day, it really depends and it varies from day to day. I can understand wanting to updose and then continue holding. If that is what you think will work best we can only do what we think will work. I don't know about anyone else but I still haven't found a functioning crystal ball to help me know what to do next 

 

Well I have appointments to head off to. I had a nice window last week but all that stress last weekend caused a wave that just hasn't wanted to let go. Getting better day by day. My hubby is coming home tonight  It is a nice sunny beautiful day outside, really warm here for September.

 

Big hugs and healing everyone, wish I could remember everyone's names....I used to be really good at that and I know I will get that back eventually too

 

:smitten: :hug:  Thanks for all the support and encouragement.

T

[[He...]]

SI. Are you in London?  Near the tube bomb?

[[Va...]]

Has anyone ever done a long hold, then cut lower and had to go back to previous level for a longer hold?

 

We were holding for about 5 1/2 months (we didn't plan to, but we didn't get a settling and the symptoms kept rolling in; we never had to hold for so long). About 2 weeks ago, we did a cut (for fear of running out of pills), and things are really too much this week (last week we had bad mornings, maybe cortisol or akathisia, but windows each night, with her calm, smiling/laughing at shows, throwing soccer ball around at her initiation).

 

we are thinking of going back to previous level and holding longer.  This is the first time we have considered going back to previous level, it's just too much for her.  We thought it was maybe cortisol, since she got this bad " I don't feel well" feeling in the morning, but it seems to last too long for cortisol, plus last night 9pm or so she said she was getting that morning feeling. Whatever this bad/uncomfortable morning feeling is, it's bad enough for her to be terrified to go to sleep b/c she's afraid of the morning feeling.

Hi Laura. I know several have gone back to a previous level and then held.  You may find more help on the updosing support group although I know there are some here who have done it and hopefully will chime in. --V

[[La...]]

thanks

[[sl...]]

SI. Are you in London?  Near the tube bomb?

I'm back at home now HS  until I move to London, not central London but outer London about 8 miles out.

Moving in October -exciting for me because I don't like where I live at the moment.

My daughters work in the very centre though and travel in by tube so I was worried until they contacted me.

They are all ok..thank you for asking

We have been very close to previous attacks, just missed the London Bridge one in May by a few minutes, and the Westminster one was right near where one daughter works.

It's just luck, being in the right, or wrong, place at the time.

Nothing we can do about it 

I don't give it a thought when I'm there but I worry when it happens near where they work.

C'est la vie , que Sera Sera etc 

Hope you are feeling a bit better?

The vertigo /dizzy feeling can really get you down can't it.

[[sl...]]

Hi TN 

My cut was accidental  but I feel well so far thank you.

I mean that taken over the last 15 months my cuts average out at 10% a month lol - my math isn't great but it's near enough 

My accidental  CT wasn't ideal was it 

Might have done me a favour though because it gets it over with before my next holiday in November.

Or I might have been stuck on 3.75 for ever 

I hope you get some good windows and feel better soon.

I get the very low depressed feeling on waking too but it has lessened a lot recently.

[[He...]]

SI. so where is home ?  I'm a little confused.  Are you moving to London??

Sorry benzo brain ....

 

My husband has customers who work very close to the London Bridge.... and was very concerned when that happened.  He travels to London a couple times a year.  Will be there in early December.... you guys over the pond do Christmas right. He attends a giant Christmas party and then everyone is off until after New Years... he takes a few days around Christmas..... he's retiring soon ... so we will see...going to be a big change... love them for life but not for lunch.  I hope I don't kill him. Lol

 

Going out to dinner so I must be a bit better

Cheers

❤️HS

[[Su...]]

[quote author=Healing seeker link=topic=153201.msg2475611#msg2475611 date=1505510177

 

Going out to dinner so I must be a bit better

Cheers

❤️HS

SS

[[...]]

thanks

 

Hi Laura , I'm sorry your sister is having such a rough time . It looks like you made a fairly large cut , was that this month? Have you thought of trying going back up" part of that last cut?

It's so much trial and error this process, it must be so hard to make decisions for your sister who can't make them for herself .

I wish you all the best and whatever you decide , you'll get her there eventually .

 

Lots of love and hugs to you both ,

MiYu 

[[sl...]]

SI. so where is home ?  I'm a little confused.  Are you moving to London??

Sorry benzo brain ....

 

My husband has customers who work very close to the London Bridge.... and was very concerned when that happened.  He travels to London a couple times a year.  Will be there in early December.... you guys over the pond do Christmas right. He attends a giant Christmas party and then everyone is off until after New Years... he takes a few days around Christmas..... he's retiring soon ... so we will see...going to be a big change... love them for life but not for lunch.  I hope I don't kill him. Lol

 

Going out to dinner so I must be a bit better

Cheers

❤️HS

LOL it's not benzo brain Healing I'm hard to keep track of.

Hope you enjoyed dinner out - good move, huge step forward

Yes we do do Christmas well I suppose, it's a big deal over here whereas you really have Thanksgiving on a big scale don't you?

It even gets me back from India to spend Christmas and New Year in London.

To think we might have bumped into Mr HS in London!

Yes the London Bridge episode was horrible and we had walked across it earlier on our way to theatre.

Started to walk back same way  after theatre and heard all the police sirens - got a cab and were told there had just been attack.

Guardian angels at work for us that night.

 

I didn't want to bore everyone but just so you don't think it's your brain lol ....we moved from London to Stafford just 5 years ago [2012]  with my husband's job - a promotion.

Not the daughters, they were working in London and weren't living at home.

I disliked it almost from the start, it's too rural for me and I missed London.

Also had to give up my Army translator job and took up freelance translating from home [i love that though]

ANYWAY my parents were killed while driving up to visit me in 2013, I started treatment for PTSD and was put on Nitrazepam and Diazepam.

Husband got "fed up with my PTSD"  and even more fed up when I started to taper benzos last year.

Distracted him from his job apparently.

He told me to withdraw quickly in rehab or he wanted a divorce.

It took me aback at first then after a couple of days I realised it would be a great idea - the divorce, not the rehab.

I organised it  very quickly [taking him by surprise]  - bought a pretty cottage with my share of the spoils and haven't looked back   - still missed London though, should have moved back right away but w/ds etc, you know.

I have visited [ have friends and daughters there] about 1 week in every 6 plus a few extra visits but it is 115 miles away and can take 5 hours drive if traffic heavy.

I use a fast non stop train which takes 1hr 40 minutes but I wouldn't like to do that daily so can't commute to a job.

Realised there was nothing to stop me moving back [duh  ]  so after the Scottish trip went to London, found a house much more quickly than I had anticipated, took a week in France with the girls, went back to London, had my Valium stolen, got back to Stafford late Monday night.

Moving next month -  :yippee:

 

Told you it was boring but it's not your brain 

Apologies to the rest of the group for boring you 

 

 

[[sl...]]

thanks

 

Hi Laura , I'm sorry your sister is having such a rough time . It looks like you made a fairly large cut , was that this month? Have you thought of trying going back up" part of that last cut?

It's so much trial and error this process, it must be so hard to make decisions for your sister who can't make them for herself .

I wish you all the best and whatever you decide , you'll get her there eventually .

 

Lots of love and hugs to you both ,

MiYu 

 

Hello MiYu 

I have been wanting to know how you are doing without the Valium?

It was upsetting you wasn't it so i hope you feel better now?

I am feeling very well and it is unnerving me a bit but I spoke to a doctor [only in a non professional way, he is a friend]  and he thinks that the Valium might have been doing me more harm than good.

I have had no w/ds since my cut 3 weeks ago floowed by CT for 6 days and now down to 2.5...apart from vertigo

and extreme tiredness for one day but that was after travelling and a hectic 2 weeks.

Slept an unbroken 8 hours last night, no depression this morning 

I do hope that losing the V has the same effect on you.

Perhaps it just doesn't agree with some people.

Of course my cut could bite me at any time yet, so I'm planning to hold till Christmas.

 

I revived one of my favourite sayings as my motto  - "There is more to Life than increasing its speed"

Mahatma Gandhi.

It wouldn't fit so I've had to find another but no matter.

 

Love and good healing thoughts  :smitten:

 

[[Su...]]

Hi All,

 

I have been holding for two weeks -- nothing I know -- and cut .001 mg of Xanax one night as an experiment  -- was thrown into amped up sxs ...... arghhh.  there seems to be something about this dose range where my body is revolting any cut....  (and then there will be the Valium to contend with)... discouraged this morning but will persevere!

 

SI  the lack of sxs from your inadvertent c/t is pretty wild!  Kind of puts some things into question -- but it appears to be Valium related, or maybe if our meds are stolen  ... sure allows me to long for the day I am off this poison.

And thanks for writing about your story -- not boring at all!  strength and pluck!

 

Miyu -- I hope that your c/o is going well?  Are you feeling any better getting the Valium out of your system?

 

Laura -- I know it's been said before by others, I'm so sorry with what you and your sister, family are having to deal with -- hard enough when we understand our own w/d.... I wish I had more to offer in the way of suggestions.  I'll be thinking of you all ....

 

Any of you who I didn't mention by name, I read these posts and hope for the best for all of us..... the courage here is amazing! thank you for writing!

:smitten:

SS