The Long Hold Support Group

[[Va...]]

I hope its not too rough a cut Gard, sux having pressure to have to push on a bit... I do get it very lucky in so many ways...

I get 10 -12 hours sleep each day,most in the bright part of the day, couldnt stay awake if I tried (without medicating) -even in a darkened room with an eye patch/light guard on...

If I try real hard, on a good day I can do stuff before 9am and after about 4:30pm...

Just have to accept and roll with it... -understanding helps... (a little)

Knowing it will improve helps even more...

In a twisted way, its all kinda fascinating... -from "I feel like crap" -To a string of long sciencie words..!!

I can understand if people dont share my sadistic enthusiasm..

 

Feel better Everyone...

 

New avatar suggestion...

http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/owl-photography-6__880.jpg

Or this one. 

 

http://owlcon.com/images/l-Sleeping-Owl.jpg

[[Va...]]

I found some more possibilities using all the mascots...

 

 

 

[[He...]]

Back after missing in action for a while.

 

Can't,  your sadistic humor is absolutely hysterical. First reading ....  you got me. I thought it was for real!

Thanks for the sentence letting me in on the joke because I am quite gullible.

 

Gard and V, love the new mascots!

 

You guys made my day. I needed something to make me laugh today.

 

Heath

[[Ca...]]

Valley...Ummmm... -3 out of 4 of those animals look in a very dubious state of health..!!

Reading between the lines... -Im one in a quad..??

-or something more ominous were I to actually CT...!!

 

[[Ca...]]

Back after missing in action for a while.

 

Can't,  your sadistic humor is absolutely hysterical. First reading ....  you got me. I thought it was for real!

Thanks for the sentence letting me in on the joke because I am quite gullible.

 

Gard and V, love the new mascots!

 

You guys made my day. I needed something to make me laugh today.

 

Heath

Hey Heath...  Hope you are holding up ok..??

 

You must have done some reading... Think that was a long way back...!!

 

Good to see you here...

Keep em in line...

 

Tis my sleep time..

 

Night All...

 

[[He...]]

I am really really sorry that I have not been here lately.

I do wish everyone the very best. And to those who are suffering,especially, I send my best hopes for Windows, and the courage, strength, and patience to wait for them.

 

I am in the middle of major problems that are out- weighing my concern for my benzo taper, which is going pretty well. And I am so preoccupied with worry that benzos have not been in the forefront of my mind for the past few weeks.

 

I wont go into my woes,  cause there's nothing you kind people can do to help me, but I did want to explain why my presence has been sporadic lately.

 

ANYWAY, the reason I am here now is to askfor some advice.

I have been micro tapering -.005  (every 2days) for about 6 weeks now. ( sometimes I'll wait 3, 4, or 5 days before  reducing my -.005  if I get blips.)

I wait to see if things get worse, stay the same or subside.

Then go ahead on my merry way again.

Going pretty good.

so far only minor blips,

 

BUT these little blips are always with me.  BUT... I am definitely..ok.. am functioning fine, working etc. ( mostly the same old muscle aches and other familiar wdsx that keep returning mildly but annoyingly.)

 

So is this ok?  I imagine little blips are to be expected?

But does it mean I am going too fast? Should I not be getting blips at all ( wouldn't that be nice??) ?

Am I setting myself up for failure and one day my brain will go  crazy and a blip will turn into a major brain catch up and major wdsx?

 

I am trying to reduce only 5% a month ,FOR NOW.. ( that's 10% every two months). I think that is reasonable?

 

ADVICE PLEASE.

 

AND please forgive me for not being here to help as often as I should.

 

Heath ??? ???

 

Seems like this never gets any easier, even when you THINK you know what you are doing!

[[Va...]]

Valley...Ummmm... -3 out of 4 of those animals look in a very dubious state of health..!!

Reading between the lines... -Im one in a quad..??

-or something more ominous were I to actually CT...!!

LOL. They look like they sum up benzo withdrawal pretty well.  --V

[[Al...]]

Heath.

Sorry your going through some issues right now, issues outside the of the withdrawal as a I understand it.

I do not M/T but have tried it in the past and the reason I went back o cut & hold was because the sxs were totally unpredictable in my case. I couldn't plan anything and was always worried when and what will hit me next. Of course cut & hold usually gives you harder sxs for most, me included but  atleast I can expect them routinely for the most part and plan my life around them.

Having said all that you sound like your doing pretty well even with those minor sxs that seem to hang around.

You know when we go through other life issues our sxs will ramp up so maybe that's what it is.

 

At any rate your doing great so feel pleased with yourself and know things will get better soon. In fact I find that it is just when things seem to be real bad, the next day they can and are often gone.

 

Hang in there !

 

 

ATU 🙏🏻

 

 

 

[[He...]]

Hi all

 

I believe I am failing at my taper big time. I need your support.  I'm going to updose to 3.5 mg of Ativan .  I e been holding at 3 mg fir a month and feel like death.  I believe after 30 years on this stuff an 8% drop per month has done me in .  I'm new at this.  This last time I updosed was for a couple of days and I panicked and started tapering again. Do you ever really stabilize?

 

I've made a decision .  I need some positive feedback

Thanks. This has been a terrible time.

[[...]]

Hi all

 

I believe I am failing at my taper big time. I need your support.  I'm going to updose to 3.5 mg of Ativan .  I e been holding at 3 mg fir a month and feel like death.  I believe after 30 years on this stuff an 8% drop per month has done me in .  I'm new at this.  This last time I updosed was for a couple of days and I panicked and started tapering again. Do you ever really stabilize?

 

I've made a decision .  I need some positive feedback

Thanks. This has been a terrible time.

 

I'm sorry Healing ... I'm with you , having a terrible time , it's so depressing . You aren't failing at all , it's not your fault , none of it , you're just doing your best to get through a very difficult situation .

I hope your updose helps . please let us know . I'm tempted myself , even tho I don't want to . I keep hanging on in The hopes things will improve but they seem to be getting worse this last week again. Especially the last two days , I feel so weak and fragile and scared . And just frustrated !

 

Anyway , may you find some relief really soon.

Love , MiYu

[[...]]

Love the mascot pictures ... I think I'm the turtle , tho he doesn't look so unhappy , just knocked out !

I'm the turtle with this going on inside .

 

 

Heath  I'm sorry you're having some life troubles , but glad you are in a place where you can handle it in your taper , I hope it's not anything that will rev up your nervous system ,

Take care 

Love, MiYu

[[bo...]]

Hang in there MiYu ... this isn't for the fainthearted that's for sure...it so unpredictable. Overnight my anxiety has just lifted .. after two days/nights of hell just gone ... you rock !

[[...]]

Hang in there MiYu ... this isn't for the fainthearted that's for sure...it so unpredictable. Overnight my anxiety has just lifted .. after two days/nights of hell just gone ... you rock !

 

Thanks Bertie :hug: happy things lifted for you , amazing how that can happen !

[[He...]]

MiYu

Thank you for your kind words. Don't know what else to do...will keep you all posted

 

 

[[Su...]]

Hi Healing,

It sure is generally thought around here  that an updose can do a whole lot to relive some suffering that has been going on.  I have only inadvertently updosed once and know that I did feel much better than I had for a few days.  It was kinda blissful for a bit.  I think we can all do with some of that.....

It's really whatever gets us there, while we can still hang on to the raft, or that's my analogy for the day. 

 

I'm so sorry that things are rough for you at the moment Miyu, and Heath.  I'm a newby around here Heath.

 

So good things lifted Bertie...

I woke up super duper anxious and it passed in a couple of hours....whew.  So not fun!

SS

[[He...]]

Going to try it suffering.....thanks for the kind words. Never thought I'd be in this boat in my sixties

[[ga...]]

Going to try it suffering.....thanks for the kind words. Never thought I'd be in this boat in my sixties

 

I'm not very experienced with up-dosing, Healing. But I know other members who have done it and wish they had done it sooner. I sometimes wonder if my hold would have been shorter and less painful if I had up-dosed before I started it.

 

BTW, some like to call it a "dose correction." Don't feel bad about needing to make a correction. This is not a linear path we are on. It's a dizzy, curvy path! But we'll get there.

 

Gard

[[He...]]

Heath.

Sorry your going through some issues right now, issues outside the of the withdrawal as a I understand it.

I do not M/T but have tried it in the past and the reason I went back o cut & hold was because the sxs were totally unpredictable in my case. I couldn't plan anything and was always worried when and what will hit me next. Of course cut & hold usually gives you harder sxs for most, me included but  atleast I can expect them routinely for the most part and plan my life around them.

Having said all that you sound like your doing pretty well even with those minor sxs that seem to hang around.

You know when we go through other life issues our sxs will ramp up so maybe that's what it is.

 

At any rate your doing great so feel pleased with yourself and know things will get better soon. In fact I find that it is just when things seem to be real bad, the next day they can and are often gone.

 

Hang in there !

 

 

ATU 🙏🏻

 

 

Thanks ATU

I KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT. I WISH I COULD JUST RELAX AND LET THINGS HAPPEN.

I GOT HARDER WDSX WHEN I WAS DOING CUT AND HOLD BUT YES, THEY WERE PREDICTABLE. ALWAYS CAME ABOUT DAY 12 or 14. Hung around fir a few days too or sometimes longer

But now with DMT, I hold a day or two when little blips appear but other wise I don't seem to get anything  major like with cut and hold. So I guess you are right, everyone is differentband we have to find the way that is best for us.  And yes, I am doing pretty well, I'm just so scared one day I will wake up and all hell will be upon me!.

And yes, the family stress makes everything worse.

 

Thanks for your post it helped me see somethings...like I better just relax and not worry so much!

Easier said than done!

 

I hope your wdsx are not interfering too much with life. This is an awful ride, isn't it.

I hope you hang in there too and get many more Windows real soon.

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Just a quick look in to say hope you are all well.

Glad you are improving after doing your latest class, Valley.

I only had time for a quick read but sorry about MiYu, Bertie , Cant who seem to be  having a few problems.

Hope freeme, lynn, begood, Gard and everyone are well?

 

Wedding beautiful but bad news - they do wear something under the kilt    ...or at least that's what they said and I didn't think peering up a Scotsman's kilt was a good idea.

There was a pipe band and Scottish dancing but then just plain old rock n roll after that 

 

Been walking in forest and seen deer including huge stag, also squirrels  and eagles, kestrels etc.

Going to coast tomorrow, only just got up today [3pm] 

Good luck everyone and keep well :smitten:

Hope Healing is ok I didn't read far enough back to find her?

 

Hi Slowly,

Wow that wedding sounded like a blast! ! Scotsman and kilts and  looking under their kilts?? How did you know they wore something under their kilts?? Ha ha!

 

And dumb me...what's a kestrel?  And That walk in the forest sounded enchanting! Sure wish I was there! Glad you are having a good time!

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Hi all

 

I believe I am failing at my taper big time. I need your support.  I'm going to updose to 3.5 mg of Ativan .  I e been holding at 3 mg fir a month and feel like death.  I believe after 30 years on this stuff an 8% drop per month has done me in .  I'm new at this.  This last time I updosed was for a couple of days and I panicked and started tapering again. Do you ever really stabilize?

 

I've made a decision .  I need some positive feedback

Thanks. This has been a terrible time.

 

Hi Healing Seeker,

 

YOU ARE NOT FAILING! You hit a big snag! We all do! These benzo tapers are horribly, terrifyingly, DIFFICULT! Don't get hard on yourself! We've all been where you Are!

 

Just don't give up! We are all here to support you!

 

I don't know anything about up dosing but I understand that it helps many many people who get into a bad spot. So if you think it will help and you are truly suffering....imo, go for it.

About the 8%cut... I believe 10 % a month is the most a person should do, but it's all individual. If 8% did you in,  a smaller cut will certainly be advisable. But if you up dose, you really should think about holding until you see a major improvement in wdsx. It may take a few months until you start to get wondows of relief and start to feel stable. But if you hold long enough, you will be able to start to taper again and then have a much easier time.

So think about holding whether you updose or not. Imo, Holding will get you to a better place. Even if it takes a few months of holding, it will be worth it!It will let your brain heal and catch up to all those cuts. It sure worked fir me when I cut too big and too fast at the beginning if my taper. A 3-4 month hold  got me stable and I was able to proceed with my taper with a much easier time!

And I find that I can't cut more than5% a month, and even that  sometimes brings me wdsx that are bit testy alright..

So hang in there.you will figure out the cut size that works for you and you will also figure out the pace that is slow enough so that you are able to function and live your life while you taper..... without suffering .

The key is to GO SLOW. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER AND YOU WILL GET TO THE END OF YOUR JOURNEY IN THE RIGHT TIME FOR YOU. Just don't rush it!

 

WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK, HEALING, PATIENCE, ACCEPTANCE STRENGTH AND COURAGE....

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!

 

Heath

[[sl...]]

Just a quick look in to say hope you are all well.

Glad you are improving after doing your latest class, Valley.

I only had time for a quick read but sorry about MiYu, Bertie , Cant who seem to be  having a few problems.

Hope freeme, lynn, begood, Gard and everyone are well?

 

Wedding beautiful but bad news - they do wear something under the kilt    ...or at least that's what they said and I didn't think peering up a Scotsman's kilt was a good idea.

There was a pipe band and Scottish dancing but then just plain old rock n roll after that 

 

Been walking in forest and seen deer including huge stag, also squirrels  and eagles, kestrels etc.

Going to coast tomorrow, only just got up today [3pm] 

Good luck everyone and keep well :smitten:

Hope Healing is ok I didn't read far enough back to find her?

 

Hi Slowly,

Wow that wedding sounded like a blast! ! Scotsman and kilts and  looking under their kilts?? How did you know they wore something under their kilts?? Ha ha!

 

And dumb me...what's a kestrel?  And That walk in the forest sounded enchanting! Sure wish I was there! Glad you are having a good time!

 

Heath

I just had to take their word for it Heath ..I asked and they told me.

As I said, I didn't think checking it out was a great idea!

 

A kestrel is just a bird of prey, sometimes known as a Wind Hover because of the way they hover over their prey from on high.

I think they are seen everywhere but i'm usually not in such wild forest country so I don't usually see them.

 

I'm so sorry you are having problems which are not helping your w/ds.

Stress is hard when you are in our position trying to reduce meds.I'm having a Pranic Healing session later on - with deep meditation, which I'm told will help.

I hope it does but I feel much better today, as it happens but that's w/d isn't it - unpredictable.

 

We were going to go to the coast but it's raining steadily and not quite the day for it

We go to London on Wednesday so hoping we will get out tomorrow.

Hope things improve for you 

 

[[sl...]]

 

 

Hey slowly!

 

That all sounds truly FAB!  Enjoy yourself!

 

p.s. bad news on the kilts.   ...don't tell BG!

I heard that Lynn... Slowly we will just have to be in the dark so to speak....Have a good time, Miss you.

Miss you too begood 

Yes we will have to,as you say, be in the dark about the kilts.

It was windy though but try as I might I couldn't see enough in that...um...area

[[be...]]

 

 

Hey slowly!

 

That all sounds truly FAB!  Enjoy yourself!

 

p.s. bad news on the kilts.   ...don't tell BG!

I heard that Lynn... Slowly we will just have to be in the dark so to speak....Have a good time, Miss you.

Miss you too begood 

Yes we will have to,as you say, be in the dark about the kilts.

It was windy though but try as I might I couldn't see enough in that...um...area

"Bum"mer...does not hurt to try to get a look see...

 

Hope that the rain recedes and you can still have a great day. Enjoy the day.

[[sl...]]

LOL

No keep it quiet.

I've been feeling ok by the way except vertigo a bit persistent.

I'm clinging on though - sometimes literally 

 

Looking back at your signature, vertigo seems to be something that crops up for you at times.  I'm sure your continued hold will see that going away.  I think some of us have those "hallmark" things that just seem to recur and hang around.  Mine seem to be neck tension, T and tingling feet. >

 

Yes Lynn i have had vertigo before I even heard of benzos but it was only a very rare occurrence - usually either after a long road journey, a flight with a bad landing, extreme stress, even worse insomnia than normal, and often accompanied by severe ear pain and temporary deafness in the case of flights

Before benzo w/d it was all very rare....first had vertigo and tinnitus when I was 12 and have had insomnia since I was 7.

 

There is a genetic history going back for at least 4 generations, my great grandfather father, grandmother, Aunt,brother, two cousins and a few great Aunts and Uncles have all had vertigo and often tinnitus in times of stress.

They were/are all insomniacs and two of my grandmother's brothers [twins] were born deaf and suffered from vertigo and nerve problems so I'm assuming it's as Valley once said on here, if you have a weakness withdrawal will pick on it.

It's just when it happens frequently as it has in w/d that it really bothers me but at least I know it is stress/nerve related so I do try hard to pretend it isn't happening  it seems to help me cope with it 

 

Your neck tension sounds nasty because it can cause head pain can't it, and tinnitus and tingly feet nasty too.

We are all hanging in there though aren't we - just 

Good luck - you are one of my heroes and inspiration to help me believe that it will improve  :smitten:

[[sl...]]

 

 

Hey slowly!

 

That all sounds truly FAB!  Enjoy yourself!

 

p.s. bad news on the kilts.   ...don't tell BG!

I heard that Lynn... Slowly we will just have to be in the dark so to speak....Have a good time, Miss you.

Miss you too begood 

Yes we will have to,as you say, be in the dark about the kilts.

It was windy though but try as I might I couldn't see enough in that...um...area

"Bum"mer...does not hurt to try to get a look see...

 

Hope that the rain recedes and you can still have a great day. Enjoy the day.

LOL  "bummer"  - good one.

I'll keep trying