The Long Hold Support Group

[[Gr...]]

Bluepill - Yep mid going on late 40s here and yeah I used to just need driving glasses and even then, I didn't really *need* them all the time and that was weird, honestly.  Now, during my taper, I find that I not only need to wear them to just see the television and see anything 4-5 feet away from me, but I also have to take them off to read or see the computer clearly, but only at a certain distance.

 

I've been told that this is the beginning of needing reading glasses.  Oh big buckets of joy. 

 

TommyBoy-  One month of holding is actually not that much, considering you were taking it for 20 years.  I took klonopin for 26 years and sometimes I had held for 3 months, sometimes 6 months and sometimes even longer.  The longer ones are usually because of life things happening, like who wants to taper during vacation or Christmas.  Going from 2.5mg to 1.5mg is kind of big.  I would give your body some time to adjust. 

[[To...]]

Thanks Greencup. I wasn't sure how long a long hold was. My doctor thinks two weeks is long but she's clueless. I have been in a steady decline all during the hold which has me concerned. I'm hoping I just need to get worse before I start to improve. I know thus isn't going to be easy but I'm so sick that I need some improvement before I start to taper again. I'm not sure if I was in tolerance withdrawal. Some think that holds don't work if in tolerance but there's so many opinions. You're the only person that i've heard of that's been on klonopin as long as me. I was starting to think I was the one person in the world that took it for 20 years. Thanks for your response. I appreciate your input.

[[lo...]]

Doctor updosed me and no plans to tapper until I feel ready. A lot of sympotoms have gome away, was even able to work yesteday. Today little sleepy, guessing due to the increase. Hoping for my life back and than to try to tapper again.

[[ga...]]

Dreaming, I am so glad to hear you're feeling better and that you have a cooperative doctor! You are on a path to healing.

 

Gard

[[be...]]

World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day

                                                                                                                   

July 11, 2017

 

Echoing Voices

 

Seems people are all saying the same things over and over…

 

 

• I was like a zombie

• It felt like I was in hell

• It was much harder to come off benzodiazepines than anything else I'd ever had before

• It took a chunk of my life away

• It has destroyed my life

• The doctor never told me they were addictive / The doctor told me they weren’t addictive

• When I complained my condition was worsening the doctor prescribed me more...

 

"We Stand Proud Shoulder to Shoulder as One,

Here at Benzo Buddies, United to Tell the World of Our Plight,

and to those Unaware of the Magnitude of Suffering".~BG.

I copied this last year and saved it for this year.

[[Se...]]

Dreaming, I am so glad to hear you're feeling better and that you have a cooperative doctor! You are on a path to healing.

 

Gard

 

 

 

 

......... and I'll second that.

[[ga...]]

[glow=red,2,300]Wonderful, BG!

[/glow]

[[be...]]

[glow=red,2,300]Wonderful, BG!

[/glow]

Thanks I copied this last year and saved it for this year.

[[Va...]]

Doctor updosed me and no plans to tapper until I feel ready. A lot of sympotoms have gome away, was even able to work yesteday. Today little sleepy, guessing due to the increase. Hoping for my life back and than to try to tapper again.

 

That's great lost! 

[[ly...]]

World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day

                                                                                                                   

July 11, 2017

 

Echoing Voices

 

Seems people are all saying the same things over and over…

 

 

• I was like a zombie

• It felt like I was in hell

• It was much harder to come off benzodiazepines than anything else I'd ever had before

• It took a chunk of my life away

• It has destroyed my life

• The doctor never told me they were addictive / The doctor told me they weren’t addictive

• When I complained my condition was worsening the doctor prescribed me more...

 

"We Stand Proud Shoulder to Shoulder as One,

Here at Benzo Buddies, United to Tell the World of Our Plight,

and to those Unaware of the Magnitude of Suffering".~BG.

I copied this last year and saved it for this year.

 

Very nice BG!

[[be...]]

World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day

                                                                                                                   

July 11, 2017

 

Echoing Voices

 

Seems people are all saying the same things over and over…

 

 

• I was like a zombie

• It felt like I was in hell

• It was much harder to come off benzodiazepines than anything else I'd ever had before

• It took a chunk of my life away

• It has destroyed my life

• The doctor never told me they were addictive / The doctor told me they weren’t addictive

• When I complained my condition was worsening the doctor prescribed me more...

 

"We Stand Proud Shoulder to Shoulder as One,

Here at Benzo Buddies, United to Tell the World of Our Plight,

and to those Unaware of the Magnitude of Suffering".~BG.

I copied this last year and saved it for this year.

 

Very nice BG!

Thanks, I copied it from their website last year, but I did write my quote.

[[Va...]]

World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day

                                                                                                                   

July 11, 2017

 

Echoing Voices

 

Seems people are all saying the same things over and over…

 

 

• I was like a zombie

• It felt like I was in hell

• It was much harder to come off benzodiazepines than anything else I'd ever had before

• It took a chunk of my life away

• It has destroyed my life

• The doctor never told me they were addictive / The doctor told me they weren’t addictive

• When I complained my condition was worsening the doctor prescribed me more...

 

"We Stand Proud Shoulder to Shoulder as One,

Here at Benzo Buddies, United to Tell the World of Our Plight,

and to those Unaware of the Magnitude of Suffering".~BG.

I copied this last year and saved it for this year.

Wow. You saved it for a whole year? I'd probably forget that I copied it lol.  --V

[[be...]]

Valley, Oh I placed a big bold red hold on page....I used it last year too, that is when this website  started, just thought it would be nice to save to place again.

[[sl...]]

 

 

 

 

 

I'm gonna miss the party cos I'm away - and if Valley does wear these blue pants...well I'd really like to have seen that  :laugh:

 

Have a great time everyone and well done everyone who has reached their goals.

Makes me feel more of a slowcoach cos I've got a slight dilemma.

I've had no real symptoms for over 5 days now EXCEPT for yesterday when the vertigo  and eye trouble came back big time.

Gone away again today though, at least until now - midday.

 

I was sort of planning to start my taper next Monday but am going away again  August 21st-28th for a family wedding in Scotland and then straight to London again until September 11th for some theatre trips and general eating out, sightseeing and stuff.

My symptoms seem to start from 14-16 days into a cut.

So, because my last cut was described as badass by Cantfly  do you think that holding at 5mg until September would be too long a hold or not?

It would make it a 3 month hold.

I'm worried about having bad symptoms especially vertigo while I'm away and I'm starting [crosses everything] to feel ok holding on 5mgs.

I dread having vertigo while I'm away with people.

 

 

I just wanted also to say WELCOME to Tommy.

You couldn't have found a better, friendlier more helpful group to rest in 

 

Hey Slowly,

 

I had some things I wanted to do last summer - and I wanted to feel good - so I ended up holding for 4 months.  I felt pretty good after 2 but didn't want to wreck my summer with wd so I held for 4 months.  I'm glad I did but it wasn't easy to keep the urge to cut in check.  I put a firm "hold date" on my calendar and had a talk with myself whenever I had to urge to cut.  I don't think there is anything wrong with taking a "taper break".   In fact I think it can be a good thing to have some extra healing time while feeling well.

 

Thanks lynn

I think I will feel much better after a three months hold till September.

Worrying about having w/ds whilst away will make me worse i think, and the wretched vertigo does keep coming back although much less frequently and less severe than it was.

A bit of a rest after my biggish cuts will be good

 

[[sl...]]

Hi All: it's been a while. Sounds like some of you are doing great! Um, not to be a downer but I need advice. Been holding at 4 Valium for almost 3 months and vision issues just not improving. I've been to opthamologists and going back to optometrist this week to see if it's glasses. I seem to need them for everything now, reading, driving, working on computer, but 6 months ago I didn't other than driving? What the heck? Is this normal? Should I make a cut? I'm scared as I have big deadline with work and I can't afford for things to worsen just now but this eye stuffis bad and also giving me headaches. Any thoughts? Sorry to be a party pooper. Does anyone do liquid titration here? Seeing dr this week. Ugh!

 

I have only been taking V for about 8 months, and didnt have any vision issues until I started it. I am down to 1.87 mg day and will still get blurriness, pressure, etc. at unpredictable times.

I am the same Cally. I never had blurry vision until a couple of years after I started Valium.  --V

 

Same here, started after around 3 months on valium.

Got worse over the 2 years and is now even worse during w/d.

Can't win 

[[Al...]]

World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day

                                                                                                                   

July 11, 2017

 

Echoing Voices

 

Seems people are all saying the same things over and over…

 

 

• I was like a zombie

• It felt like I was in hell

• It was much harder to come off benzodiazepines than anything else I'd ever had before

• It took a chunk of my life away

• It has destroyed my life

• The doctor never told me they were addictive / The doctor told me they weren’t addictive

• When I complained my condition was worsening the doctor prescribed me more...

 

"We Stand Proud Shoulder to Shoulder as One,

Here at Benzo Buddies, United to Tell the World of Our Plight,

and to those Unaware of the Magnitude of Suffering".~BG.

I copied this last year and saved it for this year. :

:

 

Good stuff begood!

 

Well done.       

 

ATU 🙏🏻

[[...]]

Hi every one 

 

I've been catching up again on posts .... Lots to read!

 

First I want to congratulate you Lynn on your upcoming slide off!  well done!!! :yippee:

 

Not sure I can respond to all the posts ..... Happy for those doing well.... 

 

I've been having a rough time ... WDs have been awful , the burning is way amped up and anxiety bad . I can barely leave the house as I feel so anxious and vulnerable to everything.

 

This from 1/16 th mg tapering last month. I had really hoped to keep going , but seems that's not to be.

 

I'm pretty despondent , partly why I haven't been on , I just know how to proceed and why this is SO hard for me . It's been an awful year getting from 10 mgs V down to now just under 8 mgs , and truthfully , I get a bit depressed when I see others moving along and improving with holds etc.

 

TNTD , I'm kinda like you , it's gonna be years at this rate , and I'm really not ok with that as I don't have a life , I can't do anything. My body feels like it's on fire all the time . It's pretty unbearable.

I know my symptoms have worsened from the small taper from  where I was before at 8 mgs ... But my long hold really didn't see much improvement ,and I'm not sure I want to risk another long hold again and Have such small improvements, only to be thrown back into such intensity with a minute drop.

 

I had such hopes for the hold ..... I don't want to rain on everyone's party here ,( I guess I am anyway :'( )

so , I don't know what's going on with me and don't know how to proceed . Relative withdrawal? I don't know......finding it hard to keep the faith and hope.

 

I'll drop in when I can and read everyone's posts , just trying to find a way to keep going right now , and not sure what's best . I can't imagine making a 1/2 mg cut like some do ......

 

I had that one window a few weeks back after I cut .... What's that about? I don't get it. Then the WDs just seem to keep building . So if I keep cutting maybe I'll get some Windows , but maybe I won't . It's so infuriating!

 

Well, I don't expect you to be able to figure it out for me .....I'll hang in there , I'm just trying to find a way to make this process bareable.

 

Love to all , MiYu  :smitten:

 

 

 

[[...]]

Ps, I did fill out the form Gard, Begood 

[[ly...]]

Hi every one 

 

I've been catching up again on posts .... Lots to read!

 

First I want to congratulate you Lynn on your upcoming slide off!  well done!!! :yippee:

 

Not sure I can respond to all the posts ..... Happy for those doing well.... 

 

I've been having a rough time ... WDs have been awful , the burning is way amped up and anxiety bad . I can barely leave the house as I feel so anxious and vulnerable to everything.

 

This from 1/16 th mg tapering last month. I had really hoped to keep going , but seems that's not to be.

 

I'm pretty despondent , partly why I haven't been on , I just know how to proceed and why this is SO hard for me . It's been an awful year getting from 10 mgs V down to now just under 8 mgs , and truthfully , I get a bit depressed when I see others moving along and improving with holds etc.

 

TNTD , I'm kinda like you , it's gonna be years at this rate , and I'm really not ok with that as I don't have a life , I can't do anything. My body feels like it's on fire all the time . It's pretty unbearable.

I know my symptoms have worsened from the small taper from  where I was before at 8 mgs ... But my long hold really didn't see much improvement ,and I'm not sure I want to risk another long hold again and Have such small improvements, only to be thrown back into such intensity with a minute drop.

 

I had such hopes for the hold ..... I don't want to rain on everyone's party here ,( I guess I am anyway :'( )

so , I don't know what's going on with me and don't know how to proceed . Relative withdrawal? I don't know......finding it hard to keep the faith and hope.

 

I'll drop in when I can and read everyone's posts , just trying to find a way to keep going right now , and not sure what's best . I can't imagine making a 1/2 mg cut like some do ......

 

I had that one window a few weeks back after I cut .... What's that about? I don't get it. Then the WDs just seem to keep building . So if I keep cutting maybe I'll get some Windows , but maybe I won't . It's so infuriating!

 

Well, I don't expect you to be able to figure it out for me .....I'll hang in there , I'm just trying to find a way to make this process bareable.

 

Love to all , MiYu  :smitten:

 

Hi MiYu,

 

First off, thank you for the congrats.  Secondly, it's only natural to feel discouraged when you see others having good results from their holds and you are not experiencing the same.  I understand how difficult that would be.   I am very grateful for the results I've had.

 

Have you had any testing to determine how you metabolize V?  I was just reading a post where testing showed that someone could not metabolize V and this explained all the problems he was having since the crossover.  His pdoc is switching to something else.

 

Just wondering if you have explored this.

[[Al...]]

 

 

Miyu,

 

Bless you dear, I hope you find your way along a path that is tolerable. I just held for just over 100 days and I still had times, many of them when I felt terrible. Mostly during or after some drama in my life. Maybe that's the ticket for me, just avoid drama and keep going until a I hit the magic level of no sxs. I don't know,..it's all so esoteric and unpredictable. I just cut to 1.45 mg. I am feeling it already especially when I get active like cleaning the garage the last few days. It's a great distraction but after the work I am zonked then it takes me a a few hours to get back up.

 

My heart goes out to you Miyu. I truly hope you don't give up. I have been tapering one drug or the other since 2011. Yup! That's how long I have been at it. Have to stay functional for the wife or I fear she will leave so I go slow, very slow and try to act normal when out and about, that's hard.

 

Peace and healing way to you.

 

ATU 🙏🏻

[[...]]

World Benzo Awarness Day, wow. I hope that we can help someone not get hooked on these dangerous drugs. I was lucky enough to meet someone who was just starting on them and I told him about my experience, the actual recommendations for usage, and I encouraged him to look up withdrawal from benzos. The next time I saw him he said he hadn't touched the benzos since then. He had not just listened to me but gone on line and gotten an eye full and it was early enough in his journey for him to just quit so he did. One person saved from he!!

 

MiYu, My heart goes out to you too. I am so like you. I'm feeling discouraged and frustrated as well. I'm in a wave again after a nice month of a wavy window. I don't know how long it is going to take for my brain to settle down so that I can even start to cut. I was "naughty" and went ahead and cut .0019mg on Monday. Today I've been dealing with increased sxs but not too severe. It's hard to believe that I would get any symptoms from a .0019mg cut .16% of my current dose. I suppose since I'm already in a wave I can't know if the cut caused the increased sxs or if it would have gone that way anyway. I'm just desperate to have some movement towards getting off of these drugs.

 

Despite what I just said I then tell myself that I want to be functional while I taper. I need to hold again until I'm in a window and then cut while I'm in the window and see if I can stay functional at that point. I don't know if you can call .0019mg a cut, lol. Such a tiny amount seems like my brain wouldn't even register that it's missing.

 

Hopefully holding will continue to heal my CNS and eventually I/we (MiYu) will be able to move at a faster pace.

 

Lynn, that is intersting about metabolizing V. I am wondering if someone has a hard time, or can't, metabolizing V wouldn't they not have any effects from it. Either that or really bad effects because it stays in the body and wreaks havoc. When I first developed panic disorder, which I now think was actually w/d from Zoloft, they gave me Xanax and it didn't do anything for me, nothing. If a person were to cross over to a drug that their body couldn't use I would imagine that would cause an immediate w/d situation. Almost like a CT.  However if they could partially use it I could see how it could just cause lots of issues and be super hard to taper from. So many things we don't know.

 

ATU, wow, just wow. Do you have any idea how much longer you will be at the tapering game? Do you do really small tapers/cuts and holds? You are an inspiration to me as I'm looking at probably tapering for nine or ten years at least. Thank you for your story and stay strong for yourself as well.

 

Hugs and healing,  :smitten: :hug:

T

[[fr...]]

  MiYu,  I am just like you.  Burning is awful for me and the holds just don't help me either.  I just cut .5 mg. from my 14 mg. dose and I am so sick and burning ramped up etc etc.  I know exactly what you mean about feeling so bad that it works for others but never us.  Valium was a bad decision for me too I think.  All we can do is keep trying I guess.  It scary and I am hoping my Dr. will go along with all this and not cut me off. Another worry.  I go tomorrow so will see what he says.  Hoping both of us feel a little better soon, this is truly awful.  :'(

[[...]]

Hi every one 

 

I've been catching up again on posts .... Lots to read!

 

First I want to congratulate you Lynn on your upcoming slide off!  well done!!! :yippee:

 

Not sure I can respond to all the posts ..... Happy for those doing well.... 

 

I've been having a rough time ... WDs have been awful , the burning is way amped up and anxiety bad . I can barely leave the house as I feel so anxious and vulnerable to everything.

 

This from 1/16 th mg tapering last month. I had really hoped to keep going , but seems that's not to be.

 

I'm pretty despondent , partly why I haven't been on , I just know how to proceed and why this is SO hard for me . It's been an awful year getting from 10 mgs V down to now just under 8 mgs , and truthfully , I get a bit depressed when I see others moving along and improving with holds etc.

 

TNTD , I'm kinda like you , it's gonna be years at this rate , and I'm really not ok with that as I don't have a life , I can't do anything. My body feels like it's on fire all the time . It's pretty unbearable.

I know my symptoms have worsened from the small taper from  where I was before at 8 mgs ... But my long hold really didn't see much improvement ,and I'm not sure I want to risk another long hold again and Have such small improvements, only to be thrown back into such intensity with a minute drop.

 

I had such hopes for the hold ..... I don't want to rain on everyone's party here ,( I guess I am anyway :'( )

so , I don't know what's going on with me and don't know how to proceed . Relative withdrawal? I don't know......finding it hard to keep the faith and hope.

 

I'll drop in when I can and read everyone's posts , just trying to find a way to keep going right now , and not sure what's best . I can't imagine making a 1/2 mg cut like some do ......

 

I had that one window a few weeks back after I cut .... What's that about? I don't get it. Then the WDs just seem to keep building . So if I keep cutting maybe I'll get some Windows , but maybe I won't . It's so infuriating!

 

Well, I don't expect you to be able to figure it out for me .....I'll hang in there , I'm just trying to find a way to make this process bareable.

 

Love to all , MiYu  :smitten:

 

Hi MiYu,

 

First off, thank you for the congrats.  Secondly, it's only natural to feel discouraged when you see others having good results from their holds and you are not experiencing the same.  I understand how difficult that would be.   I am very grateful for the results I've had.

 

Have you had any testing to determine how you metabolize V?  I was just reading a post where testing showed that someone could not metabolize V and this explained all the problems he was having since the crossover.  His pdoc is switching to something else.

 

Just wondering if you have explored this.

 

Hi Lynn, thanks for responding  and for your empathy.....

I have looked into my metabolizm of valium.... I'm an ultrafast metabolizer ( like Kittybean) , and also a slow detoxer in general that is. I'm not really sure hat this means except that my body metabolizes Valium so fast it acts like a short acting benzo. I dose three times a day for this , and don't seem to get interdose WDs , just WDs ! Maybe I can't use it well at all I don't know .

I also have issues with K metabolizm so that's no better. I actually felt best on Ativan , which doesn't require any of the liver enzymes that most drugs do .

I would be hesitant to switch to it without some really professional advice , and I don't know a doctor who can advise on that .

So , I'm sure my fast metabolizm does effect things , I just don't know what it means in terms of build up of the metabolites in my system .... I'm researching but have yet to find an answer .....I'm also working with my metabolic pathways to help my detox process, but I have to be careful or else that can causes even less effectiveness of the V!

So complicated .......

I wish somebody really knew what would help .

 

Love, MiYu 

 

[[...]]

 

 

Miyu,

 

Bless you dear, I hope you find your way along a path that is tolerable. I just held for just over 100 days and I still had times, many of them when I felt terrible. Mostly during or after some drama in my life. Maybe that's the ticket for me, just avoid drama and keep going until a I hit the magic level of no sxs. I don't know,..it's all so esoteric and unpredictable. I just cut to 1.45 mg. I am feeling it already especially when I get active like cleaning the garage the last few days. It's a great distraction but after the work I am zonked then it takes me a a few hours to get back up.

 

My heart goes out to you Miyu. I truly hope you don't give up. I have been tapering one drug or the other since 2011. Yup! That's how long I have been at it. Have to stay functional for the wife or I fear she will leave so I go slow, very slow and try to act normal when out and about, that's hard.

 

Peace and healing way to you.

 

ATU 🙏🏻

 

Thank you ATU .....I won't give up..... I just need to find a way through and that's not easy at all right now! I have seen your slow taper and I am right there with your on that , Exocet I can't get anywhere at this point and am definitely not functional .

 

I won't if anyone knows a doctor or where I could go to ask about drug metabolism ? More than I already know and who could advise me how to proceed .... Whether a change in drug would help or not......

 

You are doing great and almost There!

Love,MiYu

[[...]]

Lynn, do you remember the person who couldn't metabolize V ? Perhaps I could connects it's them and find out who their doctor is .......