The Long Hold Support Group

[[be...]]

Just for the record...

 

Eeeewwww...  SPLAT...

 

-but this turtle can bounce...

 

-Will let u know when...

My spirits are fine, I know these changes are a good thing... It was those months of no change that were the hardest... 

I passed on going to the show in the end, but dropped C14 and his GF there...

-next year...

I did see the fireworks though... -thought I saw a turtle, I did... I did..!!

 

My Best to All...

 

Having a vague memory of being 14, I'm quite sure C14 was relieved to be alone with his GF.

 

Hope you feel better soon!

Oh dear I was bad at 14 so sneaky and did things behind my Dads back all the time, meeting boys at the Circus and that is all I am saying.....

...And then u married a clown...   (BG -my taper buddy.. -not u Lynn, well i presume not...)

-Dont mind me... pretend im not here...??&?...

No hubby/taperbuddy you no clown, you King of the "Turtles", remember Lynn was my Maid Of Honor, and then she took us for a ride in her little boat.. well she tugged us behind her boat...

[[sl...]]

Thank you Cantfly 

I  feel better since I found this group.

I don't feel bad about holding for longer now.

 

Was feeling like a failure but I guess I'm just a slowcoach 

I never thought I'd be done in two months but in optimistic moments I thought 6 months - been almost a year already.

 

Onwards and upwards 

[[be...]]

Hi Slowly I think I might have missed your initial post, glad you found this awesome group of buddies. If I am repeating please forgive me.  [glow=red,2,300]"Welcome"[/glow]

[[Ca...]]

Just for the record...

 

Eeeewwww...  SPLAT...

 

-but this turtle can bounce...

 

-Will let u know when...

My spirits are fine, I know these changes are a good thing... It was those months of no change that were the hardest... 

I passed on going to the show in the end, but dropped C14 and his GF there...

-next year...

I did see the fireworks though... -thought I saw a turtle, I did... I did..!!

 

My Best to All...

 

Having a vague memory of being 14, I'm quite sure C14 was relieved to be alone with his GF.

 

Hope you feel better soon!

Oh dear I was bad at 14 so sneaky and did things behind my Dads back all the time, meeting boys at the Circus and that is all I am saying.....

...And then u married a clown...   (BG -my taper buddy.. -not u Lynn, well i presume not...)

-Dont mind me... pretend im not here...??&?...

No hubby/taperbuddy you no clown, you King of the "Turtles", remember Lynn was my Bridesmaid and then she took us for a ride in her little boat.. well she tugged us behind her boat...

kinda feel more like a smashed crab, than a turtle, atm..

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Thank you Cantfly 

I  feel better since I found this group.

I don't feel bad about holding for longer now.

 

Was feeling like a failure but I guess I'm just a slowcoach 

I never thought I'd be done in two months but in optimistic moments I thought 6 months - been almost a year already.

 

Onwards and upwards 

You might be surprised... -I suspect many of us close the gap a bit post Jump/slide, and perhaps get there in a little more comfort than some...

The less one suffers, the less important time seems to become...

 

There is a good blend of support and distraction here...

 

[[ly...]]

 

Hello Serenitee,

 

I'm glad to see you here.  Welcome!

 

Squirrels?  You may want to look this up as a Native Totem.  Can Do brought these into the discussion over on Begood's blog and the topic is quite interesting.  It does seem that animals make an appearance in our lives at certain times with a message for us.  No...the taper hasn't made me nuts (well...it has but not in this particular case).  I think mine is a Heron but others have appeared and I find the whole thing very interesting and fun.  I've found myself looking up a Praying Mantis who was on the porch one morning and a Wrenn who nested in our grill. :crazy:

 

Anyway, this is a great group and you'll find much support here and some welcome friendship.

[[sl...]]

Thank you for the welcome begood

I'm feeling better already

 

Yes I think you are right.

Would rather take longer with fewer symptoms and get there with a little more comfort.

I'm feeling better because of the support from this group, thank you all.

 

[[ly...]]

 

 

Hi slowly,

 

I wanted to add my welcome.  It's a great group and a warm place to hang out.  I've done very well with holds and slowing the taper.  At the beginning I thought I'd be off in a couple of months as pdoc told me.  Not.  And I really messed myself up good going too fast at the beginning.  I held for 8 months that first year and am very glad that I did.  Since then I've been fully functional and have, generally, felt quite well.  My journey is almost over and the time has gone by quickly.  I think it only slows to a crawl when we suffer.

[[ga...]]

Gard- what dose of L are you on and what is your cut rate right now?

I'm holding, trying to stabilize and then plan to switch to MT.

 

I'm cutting at 8% at the moment. I plan to cut for 3 more weeks and then hold. Might try 10% after that. Depends on how this round goes.

[[ga...]]

Hi Slowly, Just in case I missed welcoming you, better to do it again! Welcome! If you can figure out the craziness on here, feel free to join in at any time. The more the merrier.

 

We have a lot of imaginary adventures on this thread. We even had a cyber-marriage (Cant and BG). Valley really does keep chickens. BG became cyber-best friends with his chicken, Cookie, after she agreed not to eat Cookie. Of course, with a name like Cookie.....   Since we are all turtles when it comes to tapering, we have a turtle-chicken mascot. The turtle mascot actually pre-dates our wild Aussie turtle, Cant. Having a Ninja turtle on board has turned our concept of turtle on its head. I also have a feeling a squirrel might be showing up in some of our stories now. So welcome to our menagerie, um, support group.

 

Gard

[[no...]]

I really needed to read this reminder I keep amongst others to read when I'm in despair today as the last 3 day's I've hit an even worse level of awful, feeling a LOT worse going from a bad wave into an even worse one during this hold. And am putting it here in case anyone else needs to read it as well.

 

Sometimes others people's reminders, saved quotes are the one's that help keep you from slipping under and losing hope completely, I know I really need it, its very hard right now. Its times like this you completely a forget you have felt better here and there, and this is just as much part of the process of healing as is feeling better and not a bad place your going to be stuck in forever. I hope this quote helps some one else out there.

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

 

Thank you for verifying what I kind of suspected. There has been, and continues to be that window/wave pattern to this hold. I actually wasn't sure if this was something unique to me, but even then, I figured I just had to continue holding whether it is unique or not.

 

And now that the 6 month time has past, I'm going through another wave. So I'll definitely be continuing the hold. I didn't realize that this was typical of benzos at all, but its more knowledge that not only helps me "cope," but it's knowledge I think I need to be able to relay to others if the need arises. It almost feels like "Part 2" is happening now with this continuation as sx are changing, and yet they still are definitely sx of an unstable CNS.

 

I have to admit that the hold itself with these windows and waves is a stressor all by itself. When the windows occur, I'm consistently myself all day and evening, and this lasts for about a month to 6 weeks, but with that last two weeks I start slipping into a wave kind of gradually, and I don't always see it coming. And then, I'm fully in that wave, and I'm not me consistently throughout the day, and it's even hard to fully remember how good I felt during the window. And it feels kind of awful with some emotional, physical and cognitive sx.

 

I'm glad I'm here too! Thank you for saying that. I've learned a lot the hard way about benzos, and I'm glad to share what I do know.

[[Ca...]]

Hi Slowly, Just in case I missed welcoming you, better to do it again! Welcome! If you can figure out the craziness on here, feel free to join in at any time. The more the merrier.

 

We have a lot of imaginary adventures on this thread. We even had a cyber-marriage (Cant and BG). Valley really does keep chickens. BG became cyber-best friends with his chicken, Cookie, after she agreed not to eat Cookie. Of course, with a name like Cookie.....   Since we are all turtles when it comes to tapering, we have a turtle-chicken mascot. The turtle mascot actually pre-dates our wild Aussie turtle, Cant. Having a Ninja turtle on board has turned our concept of turtle on its head. I also have a feeling a squirrel might be showing up in some of our stories now. So welcome to our menagerie, um, support group.

 

Gard

Gard...!!! -what are u talking about???

-BG is my taper buddy...

 

Next there will be sloths and snails...!!!

 

Shhhh everyone... -Iv got Gard wondering if it isnt all a dream...

 

Anyways...

I am eating healthy, and am very full...

 

[[be...]]

So sorry Sista, you are having a really rough day, hopefully the good will come out soon, we are here for you always remember that. On each side you have silent arms helping you and just standing near to let you know you are not alone in this big world of benzo madness.  Sista.   

[[ga...]]

Hi Slowly, Just in case I missed welcoming you, better to do it again! Welcome! If you can figure out the craziness on here, feel free to join in at any time. The more the merrier.

 

We have a lot of imaginary adventures on this thread. We even had a cyber-marriage (Cant and BG). Valley really does keep chickens. BG became cyber-best friends with his chicken, Cookie, after she agreed not to eat Cookie. Of course, with a name like Cookie.....   Since we are all turtles when it comes to tapering, we have a turtle-chicken mascot. The turtle mascot actually pre-dates our wild Aussie turtle, Cant. Having a Ninja turtle on board has turned our concept of turtle on its head. I also have a feeling a squirrel might be showing up in some of our stories now. So welcome to our menagerie, um, support group.

 

Gard

Gard...!!! -what are u talking about???

-BG is my taper buddy...

 

Next there will be sloths and snails...!!!

 

Shhhh everyone... -Iv got Gard wondering if it isnt all a dream...

 

Anyways...

I am eating healthy, and am very full...

 

Slowly, in case you missed it, this would be the wild Aussie I mentioned.

[[ga...]]

Nova, I'm so sorry you've been hit by an even worse wave. Hang on. We are here with you.

 

Gard

[[Ca...]]

So sorry Sista, you are having a really rough day, hopefully the good will come out soon, we are here for you always remember that. On each side you have silent arms helping you and just standing near to let you know you are not alone in this big world of benzo madness.  Sista. 

Oh... Hi Dearest...

 

Hi Nova...

Sorry its still rough for you, Yet ever the positive attitude and confidence in yourself and your beliefs...

Thank you for that quote, many truths within it...

You posted at a good time for me... -Am having a bit of a shake up of old and new SX, Yet it is very clear to me this is healing.

Still it is easy to doubt what I know, reminders are good...

Holding properly is not as easy as some might imagine, benzo lies creep in...

You allways seem to post something at the right time..!!

 

Pls look after yourself, stay strong (as u do), and get well soon...

Wishing you 1000 windows...

Oo

 

[[Va...]]

Hope things improve soon for you nova!  --V

[[Va...]]

Hi Slowly, Just in case I missed welcoming you, better to do it again! Welcome! If you can figure out the craziness on here, feel free to join in at any time. The more the merrier.

 

We have a lot of imaginary adventures on this thread. We even had a cyber-marriage (Cant and BG). Valley really does keep chickens. BG became cyber-best friends with his chicken, Cookie, after she agreed not to eat Cookie. Of course, with a name like Cookie.....   Since we are all turtles when it comes to tapering, we have a turtle-chicken mascot. The turtle mascot actually pre-dates our wild Aussie turtle, Cant. Having a Ninja turtle on board has turned our concept of turtle on its head. I also have a feeling a squirrel might be showing up in some of our stories now. So welcome to our menagerie, um, support group.

 

Gard

 

http://68.media.tumblr.com/b215e70ccaa601afd61eecc343644edb/tumblr_inline_o7hobcP1Kh1rd9d03_500.gif

[[Ca...]]

Hi Slowly, Just in case I missed welcoming you, better to do it again! Welcome! If you can figure out the craziness on here, feel free to join in at any time. The more the merrier.

 

We have a lot of imaginary adventures on this thread. We even had a cyber-marriage (Cant and BG). Valley really does keep chickens. BG became cyber-best friends with his chicken, Cookie, after she agreed not to eat Cookie. Of course, with a name like Cookie.....   Since we are all turtles when it comes to tapering, we have a turtle-chicken mascot. The turtle mascot actually pre-dates our wild Aussie turtle, Cant. Having a Ninja turtle on board has turned our concept of turtle on its head. I also have a feeling a squirrel might be showing up in some of our stories now. So welcome to our menagerie, um, support group.

 

Gard

 

http://68.media.tumblr.com/b215e70ccaa601afd61eecc343644edb/tumblr_inline_o7hobcP1Kh1rd9d03_500.gif

Hey Valley...!!

Is your Tinnitus playing up???

Gard said we are a bunch of Animals...!!!

 

How are you doing??

Without you this place would be a zoo...!!

 

Night all...

-well, monday morning tbh...

 

[[Va...]]

Hi Slowly, Just in case I missed welcoming you, better to do it again! Welcome! If you can figure out the craziness on here, feel free to join in at any time. The more the merrier.

 

We have a lot of imaginary adventures on this thread. We even had a cyber-marriage (Cant and BG). Valley really does keep chickens. BG became cyber-best friends with his chicken, Cookie, after she agreed not to eat Cookie. Of course, with a name like Cookie.....   Since we are all turtles when it comes to tapering, we have a turtle-chicken mascot. The turtle mascot actually pre-dates our wild Aussie turtle, Cant. Having a Ninja turtle on board has turned our concept of turtle on its head. I also have a feeling a squirrel might be showing up in some of our stories now. So welcome to our menagerie, um, support group.

 

Gard

 

http://68.media.tumblr.com/b215e70ccaa601afd61eecc343644edb/tumblr_inline_o7hobcP1Kh1rd9d03_500.gif

Hey Valley...!!

Is your Tinnitus playing up???

Gard said we are a bunch of Animals...!!!

 

How are you doing??

Without you this place would be a zoo...!!

 

Night all...

-well, monday morning tbh...

Hi can't. Minor tinnitus but manageable.  Doing ok other than sometimes getting ahead of myself and getting wobbly lol. Hope you're doing well! Have a good night!  --V

[[He...]]

Hi, I've not been here for a while.  Well Ive been reading but not responding.

 

I guess I've been lucky up until two weeks ago. Oh I've had the normal problems small and big along this path called life, but the past two or three weeks have hit me hard with so many problems and worries, all at the same time, that it is just too much at once! I can hardly stop crying. I can't fall apart in front of my kids cause my worries are about them.mom is supposed to be strong for her kids. I am not at liberty to go into detail, but when your kids have problems...and you can't fix them...what can you do except hope and pray that they will find their own way and things will improve for them.

Any mom will tell you, when your child has a broken heart, mom's heart is broken just as badly. When your child has any problem, it is mom's problem too. That's just the nature of a mothers love. Hubby is not aware of most of it .dont want to go in to that. So, I'm venting here, sorry

 

And of course, as you all know, when things other than benzos are wrecking your life, it just makes the benzo problems all the worse.

 

I shouldn't complain because I'm doing just a little less than ok with my taper. Mild wdsx come and go.

They can be bothersome but not interfering with my functioning.

The only one thst makes it hard for me to function is the one that is just and overall sickish exhausted feeling . Like I didn't sleep at all and I am ready to go to bed....onlyI JUST WOKE UP AN HOUR AGO! I would go back to sleep, only sleep is a problem and sleep does nit come easily to me. Oh howbinwish I could just pop into bed and sleep when ever I felt the need.

 

I'm having a hard time holding right now. It's day 16 which is no where near the place I need to be holding too. Every time I get to this point, I just want to move on. I keep thinking my CNS will go backwards if I dont do SOMETHING!

I know that's WRONG...AND IM STILL HOLDING. THANK YOU TO NOVA for her last Quote and to V for posting the propaganda again. Both have helped very much.

 

I just finished reading two posts on a benzodiazepine site with stories of people who have failed in their attempt to get off of Benzos, with results I will not repeat. I guess that's another reason I am down in the dumps. I had visited that site just mulling around the internet just looking for more info on benzos....big mistake.

I know that I better just stay right here and get all the good stuff I need.

I just hope beyond hope that one day, I really will be off of this diazapam. That I will be free!

 

Written by Heath, on a not so good day. (Actually pretty bad day)

 

But..on the mostly good days, .deep in my heart, I do believe, I have to believe that, yes, I will be free one day....when my CNS is healed and ready, and I just need to be patient and go as slow as I need to go.  And all the success stories here really do prove that it will happen, even if it does  take another year or more.

Thank you for being here  in my despair, dear buddies.

 

AND WELCOME TO SLOWLY AND SERENITY! Sorry fir that late welcome but I've been missing in action from here for  a couple of days.

 

Heath :'( so many emotions going awry!

 

 

[[Va...]]

Hi, I've not been here for a while.  Well Ive been reading but not responding.

 

I guess I've been lucky up until two weeks ago. Oh I've had the normal problems small and big along this path called life, but the past two or three weeks have hit me hard with so many problems and worries, all at the same time, that it is just too much at once! I can hardly stop crying. I can't fall apart in front of my kids cause my worries are about them.mom is supposed to be strong for her kids. I am not at liberty to go into detail, but when your kids have problems...and you can't fix them...what can you do except hope and pray that they will find their own way and things will improve for them.

Any mom will tell you, when your child has a broken heart, mom's heart is broken just as badly. When your child has any problem, it is mom's problem too. That's just the nature of a mothers love. Hubby is not aware of most of it .dont want to go in to that. So, I'm venting here, sorry

 

And of course, as you all know, when things other than benzos are wrecking your life, it just makes the benzo problems all the worse.

 

I shouldn't complain because I'm doing just a little less than ok with my taper. Mild wdsx come and go.

They can be bothersome but not interfering with my functioning.

The only one thst makes it hard for me to function is the one that is just and overall sickish exhausted feeling . Like I didn't sleep at all and I am ready to go to bed....onlyI JUST WOKE UP AN HOUR AGO! I would go back to sleep, only sleep is a problem and sleep does nit come easily to me. Oh howbinwish I could just pop into bed and sleep when ever I felt the need.

 

I'm having a hard time holding right now. It's day 16 which is no where near the place I need to be holding too. Every time I get to this point, I just want to move on. I keep thinking my CNS will go backwards if I dont do SOMETHING!

I know that's WRONG...AND IM STILL HOLDING. THANK YOU TO NOVA for her last Quote and to V for posting the propaganda again. Both have helped very much.

 

I just finished reading two posts on a benzodiazepine site with stories of people who have failed in their attempt to get off of Benzos, with results I will not repeat. I guess that's another reason I am down in the dumps. I had visited that site just mulling around the internet just looking for more info on benzos....big mistake.

I know that I better just stay right here and get all the good stuff I need.

I just hope beyond hope that one day, I really will be off of this diazapam. That I will be free!

 

Written by Heath, on a not so good day. (Actually pretty bad day)

 

But..on the mostly good days, .deep in my heart, I do believe, I have to believe that, yes, I will be free one day....when my CNS is healed and ready, and I just need to be patient and go as slow as I need to go.  And all the success stories here really do prove that it will happen, even if it does  take another year or more.

Thank you for being here  in my despair, dear buddies.

 

AND WELCOME TO SLOWLY AND SERENITY! Sorry fir that late welcome but I've been missing in action from here for  a couple of days.

 

Heath :'( so many emotions going awry!

So sorry things have become rough for you Heath. I understand the stress that comes with being a parent. I went through a really rough patch with my daughter this year as she was going through a traumatic experience. I didn't post about it as I didn't want to trigger anyone but it certainly had an influence on my taper sxs.

 

I'm sure you will be successful in getting off and getting your life back. Just take it easy and try not to stress too much. The one thing I've found is that life goes on in spite of how miserable we feel at times. Hope you feel better soon! --V

[[He...]]

Thanks Valley,

You are right. I once had a quote on my refrigerator that said something like this..." worrying will not change tomorrow. It just robs you of your strength today. 

I wish I didn't throw it away. I need to read it again and more often!

 

Thanks for your support.

 

You know the first time I ever put Valium in my mouth was at a time like this. But this time I will control my emotions and try my best to not worry and let nature take the course it is going to take anyway, whether I worry or not.

I hope I can do it. But no matter what, another benzo will not cross my lips.

"Valium, Mothers little helper" is really mothers destruction!

Heath

[[ga...]]

Heath, I know just what you're talking about. I think we have been feeling the same things today. My heart is broken over my kids, too. They have suffered some terrible losses. I don't feel free to share the details, either. Even though my kids are legally adults now, I still feel I have to be strong for them. And I feel terrible when I can't be. I'm all they have now for family and they deserve so much more than a sick benzo mom. I have shed my share of tears over that. Wish I could give you a real-life hug because I sure could use one, too. 

 

You mentioned a benzo site with sad stories. You are right to decide to stay away from those kind of places. I used to read on those kinds of threads on BB and one day came to the conclusion I needed to stop. I had done all my fact-finding and didn't need to read those stories any more. Most people do get off. Most people do get their lives back. But those aren't the stories that get told over and over.

 

I am cutting now and hope to cut 3 more weeks before my next hold. Not sure I will make it. Will stop when I have to so I don't crash again. I hope to never need a year-long hold again. It is very emotionally difficult to hod. That's why we are here together. 

 

And whether we are cutting or holding, we are all one day closer to freedom.

 

Gard

[[ga...]]

http://68.media.tumblr.com/b215e70ccaa601afd61eecc343644edb/tumblr_inline_o7hobcP1Kh1rd9d03_500.gif

:laugh:   Is that how Cookie looks at you?