The Long Hold Support Group

[[an...]]

Thank you all who responded to my question on night sweats.

I did get them earlier in my taper but then they went away. Now there back and it seems to me even worse than before. It also seems that my BP is up a bit since they started. Not acceptionally high but higher than usual.

I will just have to carry on. Maybe it's the added stress of my sisters Brain tumour. She has the operation or actually is having it as I type this. I am just laying here waiting for word on how it went.

 

Peace & Healing to all.

 

ATU 🙏🏻

 

Hi ATU,

 

You and your sister are in my thoughts.  I hope all goes well and she quickly recovers.

Take good care.

Anne  :smitten:

[[Al...]]

To all,

 

I recently posted about my sisters brain tumour and her operation today. Well I just got a call and all went well.it seems the surgeons got it all and she should make a fine recovery.

 

Thank you all for your support.

 

 

ATU 🙏🏻

[[Va...]]

To all,

 

I recently posted about my sisters brain tumour and her operation today. Well I just got a call and all went well.it seems the surgeons got it all and she should make a fine recovery.

 

Thank you all for your support.

 

 

ATU 🙏🏻

That's very good news!  --V

[[be...]]

To all,

 

I recently posted about my sisters brain tumour and her operation today. Well I just got a call and all went well.it seems the surgeons got it all and she should make a fine recovery.

 

Thank you all for your support.

 

 

ATU 🙏🏻

Wonderful news, thanks for letting us know.

[[fr...]]

  So happy for you and your family.  Big load off your mind. 

[[He...]]

To all,

 

I recently posted about my sisters brain tumour and her operation today. Well I just got a call and all went well.it seems the surgeons got it all and she should make a fine recovery.

 

Thank you all for your support.

 

 

ATU 🙏🏻

 

Fantastic news ATU! Having a very close bond with my own sister, I can imagine how lost and worried  you were. I am so very glad that she made it through surgery And all is well. Here's to a complete and speedy recovery!

 

Heath

[[...]]

Quote

 

    It is anything but linear. It's not even predictable. You may feel crappy for several days and then less crappy for a day, rinse repeat before you gradually start feeling better (and it is very gradual). I actually had periods where the nature of the sxs seemed actually worse because they were different as time went on if that makes sense. The answer to your second question is also yes. I posted several times on the forum how I would feel worse after dosing and that it felt toxic (it may be why some rush to get off). However during the hold, this also dissipated and resolved. I'm sure it was more related to withdrawal than the drug being paradoxical or toxic. Hope you stabilize quickly and have an easy ride down!

 

 

Hope that helps some of you that feel worse after dosing.  --V

 

THank you V as always, this can be so confusing!

I guess i'm a bit worried that the anxiolytic aspect of the V has crapped out on me . My symptoms have changed somewhat... and my memory is getting really bad, a lot worse than it was , i find myself doing crazy things! Any improvement is very small, but I am more mobile than I was , I seem to have more head stuff now.

I guess I'm holding still.... will try not to worry... 

 

Seeing a new doc tomorrow and hoping she will support me in a turtle taper, cause thats what its gonna be right now.

 

love, Miyu

 

[[an...]]

To all,

 

I recently posted about my sisters brain tumour and her operation today. Well I just got a call and all went well.it seems the surgeons got it all and she should make a fine recovery.

 

Thank you all for your support.

 

 

ATU 🙏🏻

 

Hi ATU,

 

This is wonderful news!!  I am so happy for you and your sister.

 

Anne  :smitten:

[[...]]

Has anybody me felt more sick and anxious after taking their dose of Valium? I feel immediately anxious and sick after taking my morning dose off Valium.

 

Hi Hope, yes  unfortunately I get more anxiety after I take V ..... I still get the sedation but it seems to have a paradoxical effect relative to anxiety . I feel best when I wake up in the morning before I take anything ,..... And the day gets steadily worse as I dose .

What a conundrum .

I tried cutting a tiny amount as I had planned , and in two days I was back in WD hell..... Couldn't sleep( even tho sedated ) disoriented , anxious , weaknes..... Pretty much like the side effects only worse.

 

I don't know what to do, the V makes me anxious and seems to bring on certain symtoms , like overheating all the time , shaking, weakness, burning , but if I try the tiniest cut I feel even worse.

I don't think holding more is going to change my body's reaction to the V , it's really only gotten worse .

So , I'm going to keep trying to make very tiny cuts , and then wait it out each little cut... At least I'll feel like I'm moving forwards . I may be someone who just has a hard taper whatever I do. I know that the final outcome may be good from going slow , I'm counting on it .

But somehow I've got to find my way through this.

 

Hi to everyone and hugs to all who are having difficult symptoms  :therethere: :hug:

 

Love, MiYu

Hi both  I feel so bad I'm not sure any-more which way is up, or if its worse holding BUT...I believe that thought is part withdrwal and part paranoia I've picked up from reading too much on BB at times and too many opinions based on hear say, and just repeated parrot fashion thread after thread not actual personal experience at all. Here is an indisputable truth regarding all of this, beofre I joined BB there was no way in hell I would have thought its best to cut while being this symptomatic.

 

I held through hell and high water  suffering and eventually after sometime, it worked  I stabilised and had none or barely noticeable symptoms, and felt great and loving life again. It took many months,I can't remember clearly but it was  a LONG time at the same dose maybe even a year or a bit longer of holding the same dose 'all the time feeling f-in terrible.

 

But it was so worth it in the end that long wait, and through it all I believed that as now 'I'm never going to be anything but this, stuck like this getting worse until I die never getting better.  I only got the ''I'm holding too long/held a long time and its not helping  and its not working''phobia from BB, that's right I said ''phobia'' because when I look at it logically ( in a rare moment of logical thought ) that's what its become.

 

And its made a lot worse by comparing what happening to me and how long for against others who appeared not to be taking so long to see results, or whose symptoms still allow them to get on with their life a lot better than I can. But I believe that's also the withdrawal monster putting negative thoughts into my mind, yet another ''symptom''  but we have no control over it its not intentional its a chemically controlled,we can't help or force it too stop with the best will in the world. And everyday I wrestle with the cut! cut!  do something to make it stop!! I'm not making any progress I'm getting worse!!!! mentality that's also a withdraw symptom while your this sick. 

 

But yesterday I had a return of a symptom I had when I was lower in dose before my up-dose and hold while I was cutting hoping to relive symptoms I still have now. It actually kicked off twice AFTER a cut in previously And that proves to me its STILL ongoing withdrawal from previous cuts BEFORE the up-doses and hold so I still need to hold and not have any expectation as it's all unpredictable while your waiting to stabilise however long it takes and shit will happen before you do!!!

 

I remember crying as I thought I'd never walk properly and couldn't' walk at all some days or dance ever again I was always dancing but after the long hold I went on my first holiday in year's to a yoga and meditation retreat in Cyprus and fell in love with yoga as I'd never done it before. And even as I'm sat here typing this  absolute truth the withdrawal monster is telling me all the bad stuff that this is it, its not going to get better, my pain and anxiety are still going up the wall. But I now remember I have been here before, and it was a long hold that turned me around big time before cutting at Ashton's rate fkd me up again, and doing smaller cuts in between trying to get some relief just allowed it to escalate  

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

 

I hope people can give themselves enough time to heal before tapering.  You may get that panicked feeling that you need to get the drug out of your system, but this feeling can be very misleading I think.  It makes it seem like the nature of the problem is the presence of the drug in the body, when I think it's really our body's dependence on the drug, and when we've built this dependence up for a long period of time it needs to be gradually reversed. 

 

 

 

My big lesson for today is that a hold is harder work than a taper.

 

We get impatient and want to take it down and down, or a pdoc pressures us into discontinuing since we're not at "therapeutic levels" anyway.

 

But to hold.  And hold.  And hold.  and wait until you're not suffering before you do a cut - and plan that cut weeks in advance.

 

 

Oh Nova, you really are an angel

I believe you on every count here. I don't understand sh*t about it , but somehow it makes sense.

there are actually moderators on Surviving antidepressants who are also behind this holding til you are stable and not cutting when unstable approach.

I hope I haven't totally messed up my long hold by cutting that grain of sand amount...

I'm doing ok , my brain is mush, my days are very up and down still. The benzo brain , wanting things to change asap has caused me to make some changes that were probably unwise, like switching to some liquid, feeling horrible and going back to dry, ( I've done that twice now!)

I only really tried to make a small cut because of my doc , and now i know that my body is not liking it one bit.

As I posted to Valley , I'm seeing a new doc tomorrow and really praying she won't rush me.

one thing that's a bit worrying to say the least is the fact that my memory is getting really bad! I mean crazy bad.....

I was actually on my Ipad and wanted to do something else online, and started looking for my ipad and thought I couldn't find it , how insane is that!yikes.

 

I read alot of Builders posts the other day , I wanted to know his history. I saw that he got stucvk at 9 mgs for a long time, every time he would try and reduce he got in trouble, and kept going back up. He finally held there I guess for a long time, and eventually was able to taper quite easily ....

So, another example of someone who held and did eventually succeed. Of course I feel uniquely fkd

, that I'll be stuck forever.....benzo brain.

wish I had a way to talk to my body now and in the future and it would tell me what to do, and I would believe it ! I think it does tell me , I just don't believe it....It's so hard  not to compare too.

And yes , all the brainwashing from gotta get off  is there too.

You'd think we'd get it , but no , benzo brain really does lie, I never understood that , I'm starting to 

 

Dear Nova, I'm thinking of you and thank you always for your wisdom and encouragement . Sending Hugs and prayers your way for speedy stabilization.  :hug:

For you too Hope, 

there are buddies here who are much more knowledgeable and experienced than I am and I feel they will offer you better advice.

 

Patience patience.....

 

love, Miyu :smitten:

 

[[...]]

I may have the longest hold ever. Last August I had an awful wave. Crushing spine pain, 10 days straight of insomnia, and I lost 30lbs. in 7 days. I was in an awful mental state, total terror and I thought I wasn't going to make it through that. So I held on. At the time my wife and I were in Australia for her work. We decided I'd come home in October and so I held to October. I was at 2mg of Valium.

 

When I got back to the US I was still fairly fragile. On the advice of most here and because my wife was afraid of another wave while she was back in Australia I held until she finished her assignment. She returned home in December and it seemed we were on our way.

 

Two weeks later my mom passed away. My dad was dependent on my mom, because he's blind. So this became both instant grief beyond belief and an instant crisis. We had to get my dad near my brothers and I. I was with my dad for a month while we worked on moving him, figuring out my mom's estate, etc. So I held, still at 2mg.

 

Once my dad was settled I started a job and so I held. That job has gone fairly well and we saved enough money to buy a house, so I held.

 

In 2 months we move into the house. I assume once we're settled eventually the hold will end. This year has been hell. I can barely believe what has gone down.

 

There are times where I wonder if holding this long was a good idea. There are other days I can't imagine doing otherwise.

 

well I guess I'm right there with you , though I haven't done anything like all the things you've done during! I'm sorry about your Mum, and your Dad

Good luck with the move and I'm sorry you've had such a difficult year too.

Miyu

[[...]]

Tomorrow is my doc appointment to see if I'll be able to do a long hold, wish me luck!

 

I hope it went well, let us know , love, Miyu

[[...]]

Thank you all who responded to my question on night sweats.

I did get them earlier in my taper but then they went away. Now there back and it seems to me even worse than before. It also seems that my BP is up a bit since they started. Not acceptionally high but higher than usual.

I will just have to carry on. Maybe it's the added stress of my sisters Brain tumour. She has the operation or actually is having it as I type this. I am just laying here waiting for word on how it went.

 

Peace & Healing to all.

 

ATU 🙏🏻

please let us know how your sister's operations goes ATU 

love, Miyu

[[...]]

To all,

 

I recently posted about my sisters brain tumour and her operation today. Well I just got a call and all went well.it seems the surgeons got it all and she should make a fine recovery.

 

Thank you all for your support.

 

 

ATU 🙏

 

Oh I just saw this , such good news, !  I wish her a speedy recovery, and I'm happy for you that you can relax a little relative to that at least ,

love, Miyu🏻

[[ly...]]

To all,

 

I recently posted about my sisters brain tumour and her operation today. Well I just got a call and all went well.it seems the surgeons got it all and she should make a fine recovery.

 

Thank you all for your support.

 

 

ATU 🙏🏻

 

Just great news ATU!

 

I'd bet the stress/worry caused some ramping of sxs.

[[Al...]]

Lynn33,

 

Shortly after finding out about her condition my world took a downward spiral. I feel much better knowing it all went well.

 

Thank you.

 

ATU 🙏🏻

[[ga...]]

To all,

 

I recently posted about my sisters brain tumour and her operation today. Well I just got a call and all went well.it seems the surgeons got it all and she should make a fine recovery.

 

Thank you all for your support.

 

 

ATU 🙏🏻

 

I'm so very happy to hear this ATU!  :smitten:

[[lo...]]

Well no luck.  I was drop from 90 .25s to 60, so cut again. I can't handle it. Keep trying to find a doctor.  :'(

[[Va...]]

Well no luck.  I was drop from 90 .25s to 60, so cut again. I can't handle it. Keep trying to find a doctor.  :'(

So sorry to hear this lost. I know the anxiety it causes as I almost had it done to me. I hope you can find,a doctor who will let you do a,symptom based taper.  --V

[[ly...]]

Well no luck.  I was drop from 90 .25s to 60, so cut again. I can't handle it. Keep trying to find a doctor.  :'(

 

So sorry lost.  It's very disheartening the way some doctors treat people.

[[Al...]]

Lost,

 

Take what he gave you and keep looking for a new Doc.

 

This is just so bad how Doctors have no clue.

 

ATU 🙏🏻

[[lo...]]

Lost,

 

Take what he gave you and keep looking for a new Doc.

 

This is just so bad how Doctors have no clue.

 

ATU 🙏🏻

 

All I can do, I've had 2 weeks feeling okay,  so hard to keep hope. 

[[ly...]]

Lost,

 

Take what he gave you and keep looking for a new Doc.

 

This is just so bad how Doctors have no clue.

 

ATU 🙏🏻

 

 

 

All I can do, I've had 2 weeks feeling okay,  so hard to keep hope.

 

What reason did he give you?

[[Ki...]]

Well no luck.  I was drop from 90 .25s to 60, so cut again. I can't handle it. Keep trying to find a doctor.  :'(

 

I hope you can find a doc that will help you. You CAN do this at that rate but it just seems like you are suffering with it and I hate to hear that. Hopefully you can find someone will help. I know how hard that is..

[[lo...]]

I'm addicted to them. I've been on them 17 years no shit. When I asked why I have to be made to go so fast, her reply is in bi polar (second time seeing her for 5 minutes never been diagnosed it before) so I can't take them anymore they are the reason I have panic attacks according to her, when they are still the only thing that stop them.

[[He...]]

LOSTDAYDREAMING,

 

I AM so sorry about your doctor and the way he is treating you. I think ATU is right. Take what the dr. Gives you and keep looking for a doctor that  will let you do a symptom based taper.

 

Don't give up. I finally found a terrific doctor that is letting  me taper as slow as I need to. He certainly is a gem. But I live in California. But I had to go through many, many phone calls and three different doctors visits until I finally found him. I even had one doctor refuse to see me because I had cancelled one of my initial appointments. 

 

Can I ask if you are seeing a psych.?  Mine is a psych. But imo I do think that there are many general practitioner doctors who might be able to help you get off of certain drugs with out going to a psych. Have you tried calling some  GPs ? It's certainly worth a try? 

 

I sure hope you find a dr. Who will help you do a taper that works for you.

 

Good luck!

Don give up!

Heath