The Long Hold Support Group

[[Va...]]

Hi group, I wish I was on more for all your help. I do try to read the previous posts so I don't ask a questions twice.

 

I'm in a scary place where I feel like I've damaged my brain so much with alcohol abuse and 3 tapers I will never stabilize. Almost 8 weeks holding I have no relief. The sxe are much worse some days and then more manageable the next. New ones are popping up and I'm so scared.

 

Has anyone ever feared this? Has anyone had long periods of sxe but are doing much better with the long hold ? I need some hope.

 

I need to regain some functionality or face loosing my savings because I can't work. I'm just worried about it so much because in over a year I've only had 1 2 minute window...it was a glorious 2 minutes.

 

Do you think this brief moment proves I'm still in this prison of a body.

Hi third. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I haven't worried about whether I will heal or not even though I have gone through a long period of bad sxs. Trust in your body. It has an amazing ability to heal. I was supposed to be brain damaged for life due to a brain injury I had when 6 years old and I healed and am doing fine. It may take some time to stabilize but trust that your body WILL heal.  --V

 

Thank you that is encouraging. Do you think you have stability more now taking it slow. Could I just be impatient? My moods are so out of wack. I wish I could push these thoughts away like you.

I'm absolutely stable and close to symptom free and I came from a very bad place. Try to be patient. I know in my own experience, having the patience to hold as long as I,did was incredibly difficult.  --V

[[Th...]]

Hi group, I wish I was on more for all your help. I do try to read the previous posts so I don't ask a questions twice.

 

I'm in a scary place where I feel like I've damaged my brain so much with alcohol abuse and 3 tapers I will never stabilize. Almost 8 weeks holding I have no relief. The sxe are much worse some days and then more manageable the next. New ones are popping up and I'm so scared.

 

Has anyone ever feared this? Has anyone had long periods of sxe but are doing much better with the long hold ? I need some hope.

 

I need to regain some functionality or face loosing my savings because I can't work. I'm just worried about it so much because in over a year I've only had 1 2 minute window...it was a glorious 2 minutes.

 

Do you think this brief moment proves I'm still in this prison of a body.

Hi third. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I haven't worried about whether I will heal or not even though I have gone through a long period of bad sxs. Trust in your body. It has an amazing ability to heal. I was supposed to be brain damaged for life due to a brain injury I had when 6 years old and I healed and am doing fine. It may take some time to stabilize but trust that your body WILL heal.  --V

 

Thank you that is encouraging. Do you think you have stability more now taking it slow. Could I just be impatient? My moods are so out of wack. I wish I could push these thoughts away like you.

I'm absolutely stable and close to symptom free and I came from a very bad place. Try to be patient. I know in my own experience, having the patience to hold as long as I,did was incredibly difficult.  --V

 

Patience! Yes I definitely need to work on that. I'm so happy you feel so well and not even finished. It almost sells the idea of the long hold. Was the 6 month your long hold? You seem to be trucking along very consistently since.

[[Rh...]]

Thinking this might be my "group" for awhile!  I've been able to micro taper down to 2.75 mg's of V.  Bow stuck and was very sick.  Planning on doing a loooong hold, possibly till end of July. I guess that prob isn't as long as good as many others, but it's a long hold for me.

 

Anyone else pretty much feel sick everyday on Valium??? I'm afraid I'll just be sick even if I hold?

 

I have two young kids that I need to think about and be there for, hence my long hold.

 

Rach

[[ga...]]

Hi group, I wish I was on more for all your help. I do try to read the previous posts so I don't ask a questions twice.

 

I'm in a scary place where I feel like I've damaged my brain so much with alcohol abuse and 3 tapers I will never stabilize. Almost 8 weeks holding I have no relief. The sxe are much worse some days and then more manageable the next. New ones are popping up and I'm so scared.

 

Has anyone ever feared this? Has anyone had long periods of sxe but are doing much better with the long hold ? I need some hope.

 

I need to regain some functionality or face loosing my savings because I can't work. I'm just worried about it so much because in over a year I've only had 1 2 minute window...it was a glorious 2 minutes.

 

Do you think this brief moment proves I'm still in this prison of a body.

Hi third. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I haven't worried about whether I will heal or not even though I have gone through a long period of bad sxs. Trust in your body. It has an amazing ability to heal. I was supposed to be brain damaged for life due to a brain injury I had when 6 years old and I healed and am doing fine. It may take some time to stabilize but trust that your body WILL heal.  --V

 

Thank you that is encouraging. Do you think you have stability more now taking it slow. Could I just be impatient? My moods are so out of wack. I wish I could push these thoughts away like you.

 

Third, I held for 6 months before I saw noticeable improvement in my symptoms. I was in a very bad place from trying to taper too fast. My doctor told me, "The brain likes stability, so stop making changes." He was right. After a year of holding, I am starting to taper again. It's rocky, but nothing like what I tried before the hold. I needed that hold for my brain to recover from what I did to it. It did recover. Yours will, too. You are not the only person who has abused alcohol on Benzo Buddies. I know of one who became sober, successfully tapered off, and is now healed.

[[ga...]]

 

 

...Hey Gard, I think I'd rather swim. I'm really terrified of heights and I don't think closing my eyes would help. Of course I'm a little afraid of fish too.....JAWS and all. Any other suggestions of how to get to Can'ts? I do like the flying turtle though

 

 

Healing hugs everyone  :hug:

 

BG (our mermaid) will be swimming. You can hitch a ride with her!

[[ga...]]

Thinking this might be my "group" for awhile!  I've been able to micro taper down to 2.75 mg's of V.  Bow stuck and was very sick.  Planning on doing a loooong hold, possibly till end of July. I guess that prob isn't as long as good as many others, but it's a long hold for me.

 

Anyone else pretty much feel sick everyday on Valium??? I'm afraid I'll just be sick even if I hold?

 

I have two young kids that I need to think about and be there for, hence my long hold.

 

Rach

 

Welcome, Rtown! I'm impressed with how low you are! But if your symptoms are bad, a long hold is worth a try. I'm not on V, so I'll let others talk about that. Yes, if you have 2 young kids, you need to do whatever it takes to get stable and be there for them. It's so hard to be a mom during this, but it is also often what keeps us going when we feel like giving up. You can do this!

 

Gard

[[Va...]]

Thinking this might be my "group" for awhile!  I've been able to micro taper down to 2.75 mg's of V.  Bow stuck and was very sick.  Planning on doing a loooong hold, possibly till end of July. I guess that prob isn't as long as good as many others, but it's a long hold for me.

 

Anyone else pretty much feel sick everyday on Valium??? I'm afraid I'll just be sick even if I hold?

 

I have two young kids that I need to think about and be there for, hence my long hold.

 

Rach

You've done a great job Rtown!  When I look,at your signature it tells me you may have gotten ahead of your body's ability to adjust quickly. Holding for a,while will help IMO. Then you can start tapering very slowly and you should do just fine. We're glad you're here! --V

[[Rh...]]

Thanks everyone!  I have a close friend that has been telling me for months to join your group, but I'm pretty stubborn and had to learn the hard way.

 

For sure I tapered too fast and paid the price!  I think my body, mind and spirit need a break.  I'm hoping I'll see improvements as I hold.  My poor kids and hubby need their mom and wife back, even if it's just a little.

 

Anyone else tapering V and just feel kinda sick on it? I wake up everyday with headaches and nausea, so annoying, but I just push through.  Kinda done pushing and need some lag time.  Lol

 

When I do start to taper again it'll be very, very slow and with holds as needed.

 

Again, thanks for the welcome, my friend said this was a great, friendly, supportive group.  Just what I need!

 

Rach

[[Me...]]

Hi everyone .... Hope all are well or coping with waves if that's what's coming.....

I seem to never  really get out of one! I occasionally have a few better hours in a day, but what's bothering me most right now , is , after only cutting 1/4 mg in six months, I tried again to make a tiny cut .... 1/30th of 1/4 mg ..... Which is my test amount cut , and I'm In a horrible wave , I feel awful , anxiety , weakness , fatigue , shaky ..... It's been a week and today is worse . I'm feeling like I just can't taper and don't know what to do. I'm not stable, and I don't know if I'll ever get stable.

 

Do these tiny cuts upset everything and is it like starting over again with a hold? I just don't get how I could be this unstable. I'm frustrated with the amount of symptoms I have with such a small reduction ,it just doesn't seem possible , but it's what's happening .

I expect it will improve , but I'll never get off like this. This is just too much suffering for such a small cut.

venting , I'm fed up with it ,  there's no way I want to updose , some might disagree ..... So I guess my only option is holding . I just wonder if I can actually taper Valium , whether it might just not be the right med for me....

Of course even dr Madill has no real insight into this. And he's supposed to be a specialist. I honestly don't know anyone , except maybe Nova, who has had this much trouble reducing.....and for a relatively short term use of benzos altogether ....

 

Very frustrated ...... 

 

MiYu

MiYu,

 

  First, my heart aches for you ....sometimes waves hit so hard and you feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Hold on!  I have been recently hit by some tall, crashing waves and like you, wonder if I will ever make it off these devil benzos.

    Please, keep support around you and hang on.

💓 Mellowplease

[[Me...]]

I think I got lost. I was trying to catch up but this thread moves so fast and I've actually been having a window and been out doing things. Next thing I know I'm 20 pages behind so I just jumped through most of them. I hope I didn't miss much. I was enjoying the banter about our business.

 

I'm back in a wave now despite still holding, that's pretty normal after CTing from an AD though. I think I'm going to hold for a couple more months to see if there is any pattern to getting windows and waves and if there is maybe it will help me know when to do some micro tapering.

 

It's so hard to go back into a wave after really enjoying being out of the house and such low anxiety as well as all my other symptoms being low or gone. Today was super hard. The anxiety was so high even distraction wasn't keeping it at bay. So back to the grind I guess. I'm at almost a full two months of holding. I have heard that some people on K can get worse while they hold so I have to look out for that too I suppose. Hopefully I won't be one of those and I'll be able to hold as long as I need --V

 

      I have never heard that some people on K get worse the longer they hold! I am on K.......how did you hear of this? Reliable sources? Worse in what way?

I was counting on tiny cuts and long holds to get me through!

 

Wishing you peace and windows

Mellowplease

[[Rh...]]

MiYu-

 

I'm here for the exact same reasons and hope for the exact same things...recovery!  Let's hope we get some windows soon!

 

I'm here all the time too if you want to PM me.

 

Rach

[[He...]]

Thinking this might be my "group" for awhile!  I've been able to micro taper down to 2.75 mg's of V.  Bow stuck and was very sick.  Planning on doing a loooong hold, possibly till end of July. I guess that prob isn't as long as good as many others, but it's a long hold for me.

 

Anyone else pretty much feel sick everyday on Valium??? I'm afraid I'll just be sick even if I hold?

 

I have two young kids that I need to think about and be there for, hence my long hold.

 

Rach

 

Hi there Rhernanhtown....RACHAEL,

WELCOME!

IN MY OPINION, YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT HAVE TO BE SICK ON VALIUM., I tapered off from 7.5mg Valium down to almost 1mg.  So far. When I cut too fast or too big, yes, I got plenty sick. Wdsx like crazy.But then I found this long hold group and liked their ideas. I held for four months to get stable and felt much much better.

I will still get wdsx now and then, and tapering is definitely not smooth. BUT,  by going real slow, I am able to keep most wdsx to a minimum, I am able to substitute teach, and I have my sanity.

 

I see you reduced almost two mgs in about a month! IMO, THAT IS A VERY FAST PACE. IF I DID THAT. ID GET PRETTY SOCK WITH SIDE EFFECTS TOO.  I think you will find that by holding for as long as necessary, to get stable, you will feel lots better. Then you can resume your taper at a much slower rate with much smaller cuts. Everyone is different, But imo a long hold will work for you. I am a true believer in a long hold to get oneself out of a bad spot. It really did save me.

 

Once again, welcome. I know you will get good support here.

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Hope everyone has a great weekend and Windows galore!

Hope all who are suffering find strength and patience and courage, and that we all can kick that benzo devil in the arse and get him/her the hell on its way out of our lives! :oXo: :oXo:

 

Heath

[[He...]]

hi all!

I just cut 2.86%. Went from 1.05. To. 1.02 (-.03valium)

Hope all goes well!  I am keeping it micro tiny because I am very sensitive to cuts and I dont want anything more than the expected "blips"

My next cut will be another .03 and that will bring me down to .99 Valium.

That is under 1 mg Valium!What a glorious day that will be!

I sure hope I can get there by end of June.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

Just hope the cut I just made doesn't throw me in the trash! Gotta wait and see what happens with this cut I just made. 

 

Oh please brain, be good and accept this reduction like a good little brain! I promise to never give you any more crap drugs ever again. Just behave, brain! And together we will knock this benzo devil on his Arse!  :oXo: :oXo: :oXo:

 

Heath 

 

PS

If all goes well with these two cuts, maybe I'll be brave and try to cut 4 or 5 %  ????

But why mess up a good thing? Is my benzo brain talking .......

Again?

[[Rh...]]

Heath-  Yes, I realize now that I cut too much too fast and understand completely that my mind and body are in shock.  I have been holding since last Tuesday and already notice I feel better...but I also updosed from 2.6 to 2.75 mg's so I assume that plays a role too.

 

I am glad I found this group.  I am currently dosing 3 x's a day and use pills and a compound in almond oil and another ingredient for suspension.  I was cutting A LOT and was "ok", but BAM 💥 got hit with intolerable WD's.  Now I am holding for awhile and when I'm ready I'll do a slow taper.  I've actually never gone really slow and right when I started my benzo and found out about them I did a taper that was cold turkey the first time, a rapid taper the second and then switched to V and have done a pretty fast one on that too.  Time to slow down!!!

 

You all have a great weekend too and hope for more windows and less waves!!!

 

Rach

[[Rh...]]

Heath-  just wrote my response when another one of yours came in...good luck with that cut and I'll send good thoughts your way!  Keep thinking positive!!!  You've already helped me a lot and I just joined!

 

Rach

[[He...]]

Oh sweet MiYu,

I am so sincerely troubled by the wdsx that are plaguing you for so long. You are very brave! You WILL GET THROUGH THIS, hang in with all your might, and distract when you can! are you getting any windows lately? When I had wdsx for a long tine, a window would open when I least expected it. I feel in my bones that IT WILL HAPPEN fir you.

Maybe even those little testers that you have posted about, are mixing up your unstable CNS and making  it harder to stabilize? I don't know, but maybe you should stop those "test" cuts no matter how small they are?  I reAlly do t know. I'm just trying to throw around some ixeas to help you.

Maybe this weekend will be the lucky charm you are wAiting for. I'll be thinking about you and praying fir you. You deserve a big break!

(((Hugs))) 

HEATH

[[Va...]]

hi all!

I just cut 2.86%. Went from 1.05. To. 1.02 (-.03valium)

Hope all goes well!  I am keeping it micro tiny because I am very sensitive to cuts and I dont want anything more than the expected "blips"

My next cut will be another .03 and that will bring me down to .99 Valium.

That is under 1 mg Valium!What a glorious day that will be!

I sure hope I can get there by end of June.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

Just hope the cut I just made doesn't throw me in the trash! Gotta wait and see what happens with this cut I just made. 

 

Oh please brain, be good and accept this reduction like a good little brain! I promise to never give you any more crap drugs ever again. Just behave, brain! And together we will knock this benzo devil on his Arse!  :oXo: :oXo: :oXo:

 

Heath 

 

PS

If all goes well with these two cuts, maybe I'll be brave and try to cut 4 or 5 %  ????

But why mess up a good thing? Is my benzo brain talking .......

Again?

Good luck with your cut Heath! --V

[[...]]

MiYu-

 

I'm here for the exact same reasons and hope for the exact same things...recovery!  Let's hope we get some windows soon!

 

I'm here all the time too if you want to PM me.

 

Rach

 

HI Rach..... It's me .... Your daily messenger friend who's been telling you about this great group forever ! 

I go by MiYu here . I'm so happy you are here! ( I'm not sure if you realized it was me )

 

You will get ALL the support you need to get you off the V here, it's such a good and safe group of people who have a lot of expeince with tapering and when to cut , when to hold etc...... And always kind and compassionate......

 

I always come here and read everyone's posts , everyone is at different places, different meds, but the focus is always on finding how to get through this with minimizing suffering , and hopefully having a life a well.

Valley is kind of our fearless leader , thank you Valley......

And there are other regulars who also have such great wisdom and input - Begood, Nova, Heath , Gard, Cant, Lynn, Anne sometimes , and others , some more recently here.

They also bring wonderful humor , there's chicken and turtles who frequently visit .

 

Valley has made a collection of quotes from people who have tapered using long holds, I know it's posted on page 604 if you want to read it .

 

Really happy you're here , you really will benefit from the all good buddies and their experience .

Love, MiYu 

[[...]]

hi all!

I just cut 2.86%. Went from 1.05. To. 1.02 (-.03valium)

Hope all goes well!  I am keeping it micro tiny because I am very sensitive to cuts and I dont want anything more than the expected "blips"

My next cut will be another .03 and that will bring me down to .99 Valium.

That is under 1 mg Valium!What a glorious day that will be!

I sure hope I can get there by end of June.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

Just hope the cut I just made doesn't throw me in the trash! Gotta wait and see what happens with this cut I just made. 

 

Oh please brain, be good and accept this reduction like a good little brain! I promise to never give you any more crap drugs ever again. Just behave, brain! And together we will knock this benzo devil on his Arse!  :oXo: :oXo: :oXo:

 

Heath 

 

PS

If all goes well with these two cuts, maybe I'll be brave and try to cut 4 or 5 %  ????

But why mess up a good thing? Is my benzo brain talking .......

Again?

 

You are doing GREAT Heath! Wow , soon to be under 1 mg ...... No need to rush now eh? You'll be there before you know it .

Love, MiYu 

[[...]]

Hi group, I wish I was on more for all your help. I do try to read the previous posts so I don't ask a questions twice.

 

I'm in a scary place where I feel like I've damaged my brain so much with alcohol abuse and 3 tapers I will never stabilize. Almost 8 weeks holding I have no relief. The sxe are much worse some days and then more manageable the next. New ones are popping up and I'm so scared.

 

Has anyone ever feared this? Has anyone had long periods of sxe but are doing much better with the long hold ? I need some hope.

 

I need to regain some functionality or face loosing my savings because I can't work. I'm just worried about it so much because in over a year I've only had 1 2 minute window...it was a glorious 2 minutes.

 

Do you think this brief moment proves I'm still in this prison of a body.

 

Hi Third .... I'm sorry you are suffering 

I'm tapering Valium , but to me it looks like you've made a fairly big reduction recently if you are tapering K?

8 weeks is not that long of a hold.....I'm coming up on 8 months! ( with the exception of 1/4 mg reduction of Valium in the time , not much) . I'm by no means symptom free, and have been having waves of differing symptoms recently , it's disheartening , and my patience and faith is being very tested. But I HAVE had some improvements , even though I'm not stable yet. They are subtle , but I know I can get up each day and will be able to make myself food, usually manage a short drive, get to the grocery store if i have to, have some conversations without totally freaking out.

These things are becoming more and more possible, even in the midst of some still difficult symptoms .

So hang in there..... Stay in this group , and get all the support you need to make it through a difficult period.

MiYu

 

And yes! I do fear daily that I will never stabilize !  may we both get there soon ...... I read Gards post where she held for a year ( I didn't know that Gard) ...... Perhaps that's what it takes for some of us who are so highly sensitized ..... It would be SO good to feel stable ! 

[[...]]

Oh sweet MiYu,

I am so sincerely troubled by the wdsx that are plaguing you for so long. You are very brave! You WILL GET THROUGH THIS, hang in with all your might, and distract when you can! are you getting any windows lately? When I had wdsx for a long tine, a window would open when I least expected it. I feel in my bones that IT WILL HAPPEN fir you.

Maybe even those little testers that you have posted about, are mixing up your unstable CNS and making  it harder to stabilize? I don't know, but maybe you should stop those "test" cuts no matter how small they are?  I reAlly do t know. I'm just trying to throw around some ixeas to help you.

Maybe this weekend will be the lucky charm you are wAiting for. I'll be thinking about you and praying fir you. You deserve a big break!

(((Hugs))) 

HEATH

 

Dear Heath , you are so sweet , thank you..... That post was actually from April 17 th after a trial mini cut, and I think you are right , I need to not do that anymore until I am much more stable. I am doing better than I was then , but still not at all stable with plenty of symptoms. Now more anxiety and that's horrible. I do feel some small improvements , they are small , I hope things will get better than this. I don't think I have real ' Windows ' at all..... Just more or less symptoms.

So , I am holding steady now at 8 mgs V, no experiments !

Sending love and hugs to you dear Heath

MiYu  :hug:

[[...]]

MiYu,

 

  First, my heart aches for you ....sometimes waves hit so hard and you feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Hold on!  I have been recently hit by some tall, crashing waves and like you, wonder if I will ever make it off these devil benzos.

    Please, keep support around you and hang on.

💓 Mellowplease

 

Dear Mellow, thank you 

I'm glad to see you here....I'm so sorry you are being hit by bad waves .... this too shall pass.... I don't know a lot about K , but I do believe there are others in this group tapering K ...tNTD... I think she responded to you?Or you saw her posts?

Hang on too, we'll get there, with the support of our friends,

love, Miyu 

[[fr...]]

  Just want to say hi to the newcomers.  This is a wonderful group.  I am like MiYu, I never get windows and am suffering greatly but still come and read everyday and feel safe here.  I am coming up on 7 months of holding so we shall see if it helps soon.  AGain, know that I am here even though I can't contribute very often.  Thanks you all for the help you have given me and the hope, it means the world. 

[[Ca...]]

Hi Guys!!!

 

When one reads a dozen pages here in a row, It becomes clear that this group is all things good... And not for any one reason, or the theme of holding, or even me, would you beleive!!! (Other wise i wouldnt be reading a chunk of pages...)

You are all doing so great, even if struggeling...

So nice to see new faces, -welcome...

I am tapering V -and just worked out that my dose didnt change much in about 5-6months... And while I havent been very conventional about it all, -I have never been judged by anyone here in any way... only positive support beyond what one could ever expect... As I have mentioned the ballance here is perfect...

For the new faces, and because i was so suprised to realize that many didnt know that I was a full time single parent, -I will just sum up and say...

My V use was so "as needed" that i didnt have a real start dose to taper from, Thus I started way too low, and went straight into a long hold... I didnt updose much as my SX continued to evolve for months... I would roughly say I started to stabalize at the bottom, at 3-4months...

Things then got worse or erratic, but I could feel that it was healing for the first time...

I would have kept holding and healing for a while yet, but things conspired against me, and led to a complete medicine overhaul 4 days ago...

 

Holding allowed me the clarity and insight of my SX and situation, to be able to do this... -There are many benifits to holding... IMHO...

 

Luv u all... The Hot air balloons are in view... I remember watching them from my hospital bed some early mornings, slowly gliding through the sky scrapers... So gracefull...!!

-luv the funky swim wear girls...!!! -we might take the ski boat out later...

 

Third, dont be late...

BG, U can drive the boat... -"Miss Daisy", cos im not sure about the car thing...

(Oops... -did I say that...)

-Gard, a big thanks for the catering...

 

CanDo, I must be a good turtle... I can navigate... (stay in the wet stuff), -and am often told to pull my head in...!!!

Anyone want a free cranky teenager??? -is sqauking for dinner, but wont do dishes...

 

Edit.. Good morning Free... great to see our music DJ...