The Long Hold Support Group

[[He...]]

Welcome to the group ATGNT,

GLAD YOURE HERE!

We are a good and fun group, sometime full of the sillies,  but always serious enough to give good support when needed. 

 

Reading the treads here today is quite positive. I see lots of buddies who are doing ok.and even better!

Those of you who are having a difficult time. Glad you are hanging on to your hold.

 

MiYu, has the burning subsided?

 

tntd, wow that sounded like a great shopping day! Glad you were able to do it.

 

Valley, so gad you are doing so well. keep it up!

 

I hope CANT is doing better and better....miss him here!

 

Gard, I read thAt Milk of Magnesia,the laxative, is loaded with magnesium. That's what makes you go, but it may be too much magnesium for some people?

Personally, mirilax is unbelievably gentle. Works over night, and has no other side effects for me. I don't take it regularly, but when I need it, it's terrific.( just saying. IMO)

 

George...GOOD FOR YOU! Glad you are doing well.

 

I hope everyone who is suffering gets some good Windows today.

 

Me...my dizzies are gone, thank goodness! No sdfx at all except the stupid neck muscles. I think it will be with me until I am completely off the Valium.

Ok..what else?.......well I am fighting the Benzo devil that keeps saying. Cut already! CUT CUT CUT!

So far I am winning. I must hold at least another 7 days .that will be one month. Then I'll reevaluate how my body feels and what it is telling me.

 

Heath

[[Ge...]]

LOL Heath.. I know that benzo devil.. he got me into a heck of a mess.. 

[[...]]

MiYu, has the burning subsided?

 

Hi Heath, thanks for asking..... unfortunately not at all....its with me pretty much all the time.

i'm in another wave ... a horrible one.... tonight I'm actually feeling a bit insane, it's scary. I'm telling myself it will pass and its the benzo.... i guess what's scary too , is its happening this far into holding , with that minimum  1/4 mg cut in the last almost 8 months. I don't think I've ever felt this , a kind of insanity, it's very  frightening.

It makes me feel like I need to do something , but i don't know what, except to hold on. It's hard for me to believe this is happening and that my brain is still so unstable.

 

Has anyone else experienced this, feeling insane? I KNOW its the benzo creating this imbalance in my brain, but i don't know if it's because I'm taking it or because I don't have enough?

I just pray its my brain healing and trying to get back in balance. I'm afraid I won't stabilize....

feeling a lot of fear....need some reassurance please...

 

Miyu

 

 

[[Va...]]

MiYu, has the burning subsided?

 

Hi Heath, thanks for asking..... unfortunately not at all....its with me pretty much all the time.

i'm in another wave ... a horrible one.... tonight I'm actually feeling a bit insane, it's scary. I'm telling myself it will pass and its the benzo.... i guess what's scary too , is its happening this far into holding , with that minimum  1/4 mg cut in the last almost 8 months. I don't think I've ever felt this , a kind of insanity, it's very  frightening.

It makes me feel like I need to do something , but i don't know what, except to hold on. It's hard for me to believe this is happening and that my brain is still so unstable.

 

Has anyone else experienced this, feeling insane? I KNOW its the benzo creating this imbalance in my brain, but i don't know if it's because I'm taking it or because I don't have enough?

I just pray its my brain healing and trying to get back in balance. I'm afraid I won't stabilize....

feeling a lot of fear....need some reassurance please...

 

Miyu

I think most of us have felt insane during this experience MiYu. Be patient and I'm pretty sure it will pass.  --V

[[fr...]]

  MiYu,  I know exactly how you feel.  I also have the never ending burning along with other symptoms.  I deal with pain from spinal issues and oters.  My mind is consumed with fear and I have to keep talking to myself to calm down.  If I could just get the burning under control somewhat I could stand it but I also have been holding about 7 months now.  Scared the Dr. is going to cut me off, scared of getting worse scared of everything.  Pain Dr. wants me to try Lyrica but I'm scared of that.  I tried gabapentin a few times for a few days but it seemed to makethings worse.  I just don't know what to do anymore, that is what is scary and Drs. now are leaning toward detox and rehab, which we know isn't the answer for benzos.  Anyway, I pray we both get some relief soon.  I have had no windows.  I have had a few days of feeling slightly less horrible but always the pain and the burning is with me.  Everyone else, I'm so happy it is working so well for you all.  It gives me hope but at the same time if it hasn't happened in 7 months my brain tells me it isn't going to.  Sorry to be a bummer.  Thanks for always lifting us all up, we are a wonderful group here. 

[[ca...]]

  MiYu,  I know exactly how you feel.  I also have the never ending burning along with other symptoms.  I deal with pain from spinal issues and oters.  My mind is consumed with fear and I have to keep talking to myself to calm down.  If I could just get the burning under control somewhat I could stand it but I also have been holding about 7 months now.  Scared the Dr. is going to cut me off, scared of getting worse scared of everything.  Pain Dr. wants me to try Lyrica but I'm scared of that.  I tried gabapentin a few times for a few days but it seemed to makethings worse.  I just don't know what to do anymore, that is what is scary and Drs. now are leaning toward detox and rehab, which we know isn't the answer for benzos.  Anyway, I pray we both get some relief soon.  I have had no windows.  I have had a few days of feeling slightly less horrible but always the pain and the burning is with me.  Everyone else, I'm so happy it is working so well for you all.  It gives me hope but at the same time if it hasn't happened in 7 months my brain tells me it isn't going to.  Sorry to be a bummer.  Thanks for always lifting us all up, we are a wonderful group here. 

Free, sorry your not in a great place so just try and day by day it and keep the faith as i am only in week3 of my hold and s/x are a bit better but i do hope things get a bit more stable as during a day i can be good bad or ugly ! Everyone else hang tight and have a good day ~CD

[[He...]]

MiYu, Free, can't,

I thought I was going insane on 2 separate occasions during my 4 month hold. I knew it was not that long of a hold compared to other people's holds, but as far as feeling insane, I know what you  mean for sure.  Very scary! But I just want to reassure you. I have read on this forum about many buddies who have eperienced this wdfx. It is not as uncommon as you may think. And yes, it helps a lot to remember that IT IS THE BENZOS. and it will pass, and you ARE NOT GOING INSANE.  So hang in there and try to distract. For me it happened mostly in the mornings as soon as I opened my eyes . The only thing I could do was get right up out if bed, put on the tv, and quickly get my mind busy with that or something else.  But laying in bed, just kept me thinking, and more and more frightened.

So try very hard to switch your thinking by distracting. It helped me a lot.

 

I hope you all feel better real soon.

 

Heath

[[ga...]]

As Heath says, you are not going insane. You are having benzo withdrawal. The medical and mental healthcare community does not understand this. But we do. Your brain is struggling to fix itself. That is not insanity. I admit, it does feel like it sometimes, though.

 

Try reading some of the success stores on that forum. I did it last night when I was in a terrible place (cutting again). It helps to see that others have been heer and have gotten throughout the other side. It's both sad and reassuring to read how long it took them. There are even c/t survivor stories on there. People who are 75% better even after a c/t. So surely we will all get through this and be one of those success stores one day.

Gard

 

[[HO...]]

MiYu, has the burning subsided?

 

Hi Heath, thanks for asking..... unfortunately not at all....its with me pretty much all the time.

i'm in another wave ... a horrible one.... tonight I'm actually feeling a bit insane, it's scary. I'm telling myself it will pass and its the benzo.... i guess what's scary too , is its happening this far into holding , with that minimum  1/4 mg cut in the last almost 8 months. I don't think I've ever felt this , a kind of insanity, it's very  frightening.

It makes me feel like I need to do something , but i don't know what, except to hold on. It's hard for me to believe this is happening and that my brain is still so unstable.

 

Has anyone else experienced this, feeling insane? I KNOW its the benzo creating this imbalance in my brain, but i don't know if it's because I'm taking it or because I don't have enough?

I just pray its my brain healing and trying to get back in balance. I'm afraid I won't stabilize....

feeling a lot of fear....need some reassurance please...

 

Miyu

 

I know what you mean? Do you have physical brain pain at all? I hate the up and down sometimes I feel ok then I get plunged right back into hell. I wish I never took those pills.

[[la...]]

MiYu, has the burning subsided?

 

Hi Heath, thanks for asking..... unfortunately not at all....its with me pretty much all the time.

i'm in another wave ... a horrible one.... tonight I'm actually feeling a bit insane, it's scary. I'm telling myself it will pass and its the benzo.... i guess what's scary too , is its happening this far into holding , with that minimum  1/4 mg cut in the last almost 8 months. I don't think I've ever felt this , a kind of insanity, it's very  frightening.

It makes me feel like I need to do something , but i don't know what, except to hold on. It's hard for me to believe this is happening and that my brain is still so unstable.

 

Has anyone else experienced this, feeling insane? I KNOW its the benzo creating this imbalance in my brain, but i don't know if it's because I'm taking it or because I don't have enough?

I just pray its my brain healing and trying to get back in balance. I'm afraid I won't stabilize....

feeling a lot of fear....need some reassurance please...

 

Miyu

 

well all I can say is YES...and I am not holding...I get it real bad in the morning..strange disturbing random thoughts flood my mind.

 

I wish I knew what to tell you..I tried holding last year for 5 months and I never got "stable" ...that's me though.  I held this last cut only 3 weeks and was just getting worse so shaved off more this last Monday.

 

I am in the deepest crap right now ever...I too have no idea what to do ...I sit and wait for the minutes to pass by.... 

 

I have neuropathy in feet and a bit in the hands and that is so disturbing. I get the burning but only upon waking and then the dizzy head kicks in and takes over

[[HO...]]

MiYu, has the burning subsided?

 

Hi Heath, thanks for asking..... unfortunately not at all....its with me pretty much all the time.

i'm in another wave ... a horrible one.... tonight I'm actually feeling a bit insane, it's scary. I'm telling myself it will pass and its the benzo.... i guess what's scary too , is its happening this far into holding , with that minimum  1/4 mg cut in the last almost 8 months. I don't think I've ever felt this , a kind of insanity, it's very  frightening.

It makes me feel like I need to do something , but i don't know what, except to hold on. It's hard for me to believe this is happening and that my brain is still so unstable.

 

Has anyone else experienced this, feeling insane? I KNOW its the benzo creating this imbalance in my brain, but i don't know if it's because I'm taking it or because I don't have enough?

I just pray its my brain healing and trying to get back in balance. I'm afraid I won't stabilize....

feeling a lot of fear....need some reassurance please...

 

Miyu

 

well all I can say is YES...and I am not holding...I get it real bad in the morning..strange disturbing random thoughts flood my mind.

 

I wish I knew what to tell you..I tried holding last year for 5 months and I never got "stable" ...that's me though.  I held this last cut only 3 weeks and was just getting worse so shaved off more this last Monday.

 

I am in the deepest crap right now ever...I too have no idea what to do ...I sit and wait for the minutes to pass by.... 

 

I have neuropathy in feet and a bit in the hands and that is so disturbing. I get the burning but only upon waking and then the dizzy head kicks in and takes over

 

I'm so sorry for everything that you both are going through. I'm scared holding is just putting off the inevitable. I just don't know what to think. I was only on it for three weeks and is it really healthy to have a year long taper? Any ideas?

[[...]]

Thank you everyone ....it did pass, but my god it was scary......I listened to a YouTube video and that helped calm me down.

I'm glad to know it not alone, though I'm sorry ,Gard, Hope, Laney, Free, that you all are also having a rough time of it . HOpe, I don't have brain pain , sometimes fog, but not the physical sensation of pain. FRee I have the constant burning also.

Today I feel incredibly emotional.

 

I pray it will pass for all of us.... I am holding til the end of the month and then will reassess .

 

We will get through this!

Love,MiYu 

[[He...]]

George,

Glad you are having Windows and keeping the benzo devil at bay. Keep it up!

Heath

[[Ki...]]

Hope if you were only on it for three weeks it does seem odd that you would have had to taper at all. Not that some people wouldnt- anything and everything is possible but after 3 weeks most people do just quit without problems. I am so sorry you had issues at just that short of a time on them! Modifying after reading your sig- what a mess he put you in. Bad docs really are everywhere! Hopefully you can get stable and taper easily❤️

[[...]]

Thanks for the kind words on my window and time with my daughter. It's nice to finally be able to do some things every once in awhile. I hope it will happen more as I continue to hold.

 

Hope, I have read of others that took a year or two to get off of their benzo after only being on for a couple of weeks. Everyone is different and some people become dependent immediately. It sucks. You can do it though. I hope it helps for you to know you aren't the only one who has experienced it.

 

MiYu & Free, I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a bad place. I went six months without a window and I know it can become exhausting. Someone told me it's like carrying a ten pound weight. In the begining it isn't too heavy but over time it gets harder and harder to hold onto. That's why we have these wonderful people on this wonderful forum. Hopefully we all help to ease the burden just a little bit. 

 

Seems like a lot of us are in rough places right now. This never ending changing from one day to the next is really hard. Going to bed feeling pretty good only to wake up feeling like you got hit by a tsunami while you were asleep, if you sleep, makes it hard to want to go to bed.

 

My husband is leaving for a business trip tomorrow and my daughter is starting an internship tomorrow and I'm really stressed about both things. I went from feeling like I was heading into a nice window to crashing into the wave instead. I'm just trying to keep my brain busy so I don't get too anxious.

 

I'm still holding too but as other's have said that benzo devil really wants me to cut. I'm trying to wait until the begining of July, that will put me at four months of a hold. I'm still in a wave most of the time but my windows and waves are from my CT from my AD. When I started tapering the benzo things steadily got worse. I don't know how long it is going to take to heal from the CT and I don't want to wait for years before I start my taper again. I'm planning on doing a really tiny cut so I hope it doesn't cause any problems. With the CT complication I'm really not sure what to do. It's all so frustrating. For reference when I tapered starting in November to the begining of February I only cut a total of 6% in that four month time period. I'm going to be a lot more cautious this time and really make it a sxs based taper.

 

Thinking of all of you. Stay strong, we can make it through this together.

 

Hugs and healing to everyone  :smitten: :hug:

[[HO...]]

Hope if you were only on it for three weeks it does seem odd that you would have had to taper at all. Not that some people wouldnt- anything and everything is possible but after 3 weeks most people do just quit without problems. I am so sorry you had issues at just that short of a time on them! Modifying after reading your sig- what a mess he put you in. Bad docs really are everywhere! Hopefully you can get stable and taper easily❤️

 

 

I agree:(

[[HO...]]

Hope if you were only on it for three weeks it does seem odd that you would have had to taper at all. Not that some people wouldnt- anything and everything is possible but after 3 weeks most people do just quit without problems. I am so sorry you had issues at just that short of a time on them! Modifying after reading your sig- what a mess he put you in. Bad docs really are everywhere! Hopefully you can get stable and taper easily❤️

 

I had horrible withdrawals only after 3 weeks use!

[[HO...]]

Hope if you were only on it for three weeks it does seem odd that you would have had to taper at all. Not that some people wouldnt- anything and everything is possible but after 3 weeks most people do just quit without problems. I am so sorry you had issues at just that short of a time on them! Modifying after reading your sig- what a mess he put you in. Bad docs really are everywhere! Hopefully you can get stable and taper easily❤️

 

They switched from 3 different benzodiazepine in 3 weeks the last being Ativan. I'm so scared what this has done to my brain and body already.

[[HO...]]

Thanks for the kind words on my window and time with my daughter. It's nice to finally be able to do some things every once in awhile. I hope it will happen more as I continue to hold.

 

Hope, I have read of others that took a year or two to get off of their benzo after only being on for a couple of weeks. Everyone is different and some people become dependent immediately. It sucks. You can do it though. I hope it helps for you to know you aren't the only one who has experienced it.

 

MiYu & Free, I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a bad place. I went six months without a window and I know it can become exhausting. Someone told me it's like carrying a ten pound weight. In the begining it isn't too heavy but over time it gets harder and harder to hold onto. That's why we have these wonderful people on this wonderful forum. Hopefully we all help to ease the burden just a little bit. 

 

Seems like a lot of us are in rough places right now. This never ending changing from one day to the next is really hard. Going to bed feeling pretty good only to wake up feeling like you got hit by a tsunami while you were asleep, if you sleep, makes it hard to want to go to bed.

 

My husband is leaving for a business trip tomorrow and my daughter is starting an internship tomorrow and I'm really stressed about both things. I went from feeling like I was heading into a nice window to crashing into the wave instead. I'm just trying to keep my brain busy so I don't get too anxious.

 

I'm still holding too but as other's have said that benzo devil really wants me to cut. I'm trying to wait until the begining of July, that will put me at four months of a hold. I'm still in a wave most of the time but my windows and waves are from my CT from my AD. When I started tapering the benzo things steadily got worse. I don't know how long it is going to take to heal from the CT and I don't want to wait for years before I start my taper again. I'm planning on doing a really tiny cut so I hope it doesn't cause any problems. With the CT complication I'm really not sure what to do. It's all so frustrating. For reference when I tapered starting in November to the begining of February I only cut a total of 6% in that four month time period. I'm going to be a lot more cautious this time and really make it a sxs based taper.

 

Thinking of all of you. Stay strong, we can make it through this together.

 

Hugs and healing to everyone  :smitten: :hug:

 

I wonder why this happens to some people it's so scary!

[[HO...]]

I promise badly took 90 pills in 3 weeks though. Some people take that in 4 months. I knew nothing about them really though. I was having severe panic attacks. I wish I could turn back the clock so so bad. I'm grieving for my daughter and husband too.

[[ga...]]

Thanks for the kind words on my window and time with my daughter. It's nice to finally be able to do some things every once in awhile. I hope it will happen more as I continue to hold.

 

Hope, I have read of others that took a year or two to get off of their benzo after only being on for a couple of weeks. Everyone is different and some people become dependent immediately. It sucks. You can do it though. I hope it helps for you to know you aren't the only one who has experienced it.

 

MiYu & Free, I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a bad place. I went six months without a window and I know it can become exhausting. Someone told me it's like carrying a ten pound weight. In the begining it isn't too heavy but over time it gets harder and harder to hold onto. That's why we have these wonderful people on this wonderful forum. Hopefully we all help to ease the burden just a little bit. 

 

Seems like a lot of us are in rough places right now. This never ending changing from one day to the next is really hard. Going to bed feeling pretty good only to wake up feeling like you got hit by a tsunami while you were asleep, if you sleep, makes it hard to want to go to bed.

 

My husband is leaving for a business trip tomorrow and my daughter is starting an internship tomorrow and I'm really stressed about both things. I went from feeling like I was heading into a nice window to crashing into the wave instead. I'm just trying to keep my brain busy so I don't get too anxious.

 

I'm still holding too but as other's have said that benzo devil really wants me to cut. I'm trying to wait until the begining of July, that will put me at four months of a hold. I'm still in a wave most of the time but my windows and waves are from my CT from my AD. When I started tapering the benzo things steadily got worse. I don't know how long it is going to take to heal from the CT and I don't want to wait for years before I start my taper again. I'm planning on doing a really tiny cut so I hope it doesn't cause any problems. With the CT complication I'm really not sure what to do. It's all so frustrating. For reference when I tapered starting in November to the begining of February I only cut a total of 6% in that four month time period. I'm going to be a lot more cautious this time and really make it a sxs based taper.

 

Thinking of all of you. Stay strong, we can make it through this together.

 

Hugs and healing to everyone  :smitten: :hug:

 

Sorry about you're c/t  and all the problems it has caused you. Can't remember, have you tried survivingantidepressants.org? They deal with poly-drugging over there.

You are wise to hold your planned 4 months and to start with a really small cut.

I hope that when your husband and daughter are away so much, you sort of get used to it, if that's possible. Maybe you'll come up with some new ideas of how to cope on your own. I know it's hard, though. Whenever I'm in really bad waves, I hate being alone.

Hang in there. You will get through this!

Gard

 

[[ca...]]

I promise badly took 90 pills in 3 weeks though. Some people take that in 4 months. I knew nothing about them really though. I was having severe panic attacks. I wish I could turn back the clock so so bad. I'm grieving for my daughter and husband too.

Hope, alot of us wish we could turn back the clock and i can see your pain but on a very big plus you are a short time user and the odds are so much in your favor to get out of this mess in great shape and i do not mean to down play your symptoms or situation and as for what it does to our families and loved ones is so very unfair to them and just puts more stress on us so just do your best as that`s all one can do !Keep the faith ~CD

[[ga...]]

I promise badly took 90 pills in 3 weeks though. Some people take that in 4 months. I knew nothing about them really though. I was having severe panic attacks. I wish I could turn back the clock so so bad. I'm grieving for my daughter and husband too.

 

Hope, most of us got into this mess because we knew little about benzos, how a little pill could do so much harm. Don't blame yourself for that. I agree with Can that since you were a short-time user and so it is very unlikely that you did lasting damage to your brain. People have gotten off this stuff and healed after 20 years of use. I can't imagine that you wouldn't, too.

 

I wish I could turn back the clock so bad, too. I regret so much what this has done to my family. But I find that dwelling on that only compounds my suffering. And that compounds their suffering because they love me.

 

I know there are places on here that give ideas about how to take care of yourself during w/d so as not to compound your suffering. There is also a website called recovery-road.org that is helpful. Look under the resources tab. There's so much good stuff there.

 

Gard

[[HO...]]

I promise badly took 90 pills in 3 weeks though. Some people take that in 4 months. I knew nothing about them really though. I was having severe panic attacks. I wish I could turn back the clock so so bad. I'm grieving for my daughter and husband too.

 

Hope, most of us got into this mess because we knew little about benzos, how a little pill could do so much harm. Don't blame yourself for that. I agree with Can that since you were a short-time user and so it is very unlikely that you did lasting damage to your brain. People have gotten off this stuff and healed after 20 years of use. I can't imagine that you wouldn't, too.

 

I wish I could turn back the clock so bad, too. I regret so much what this has done to my family. But I find that dwelling on that only compounds my suffering. And that compounds their suffering because they love me.

 

I know there are places on here that give ideas about how to take care of yourself during w/d so as not to compound your suffering. There is also a website called recovery-road.org that is helpful. Look under the resources tab. There's so much good stuff there.

 

Gard

 

 

 

 

Thank you so much. There is a women on YouTube her channel is callled Benzoland and she C/t after 4 months and is severely disabled going on 40 months.

[[Ki...]]

I was on xanax and ambien for 16 years and I can see how as I go along healing is takimg place. Even when I screw up I can see its still going to get better. So your brain is probably more in " shock" than " damaged"- and if us oldies and long time users can get better, you certainly will