The Long Hold Support Group

[[be...]]

Third, i kind of agree with the theory you stated now i just need to keep this hold going but as Lynn stated it`s a hard battle seems we get feeling a bit better and think we should cut as i guess we forget just how horrible we have felt at times during this whole taper right? And yes Lynn i need to slap myself at times also as i was actually feeling i could cut a little bit more today = foolish so i got the Duct Tape out !

 

I can think of a few people that would be more than willing to give me a slap...

Yep, but most would not try to slap a panther...and chappy duct tape has another use now taping your hands....I love duct tape

[[no...]]

Here is something I came across  on the web and it struck me that it also applies to that voice bringing us down we all have inside and nearly all of us a talk about  quite frequently. Whether  its telling us to cut! when we should hold or we're never going to get better or improve only keep getting more disabled and dysfunctional. The post below was just one answer to the question that was asked but it hit a big bell of resonation with me .

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

What are the most important things for a man to learn in life?

 

Murder the Victim - There is a victim inside all of us. He is competing for our attention every second of the day. He distorts reality, to make you feel powerless. He is constantly searching for how he has been wronged. He is in perpetual pursuit for a reason on why he will fail. Murder Him, every time you hear his voice, silence him, ridicule him and cast him back into the shadows. No matter how many times you kill him he will come back, he will return using different weapons to seduce you. It is up to you to remain vigilant and be the Superhero your mind needs.

[[be...]]

Here is something I came across  on the web and it struck me that it also applies to that voice bringing us down we all have inside and nearly all of us a talk about  quite frequently. Whether  its telling us to cut! when we should hold or we're never going to get better or improve only keep getting more disabled and dysfunctional. The post below was just one answer to the question that was asked but it hit a big bell of resonation with me .

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

What are the most important things for a man to learn in life?

 

Murder the Victim - There is a victim inside all of us. He is competing for our attention every second of the day. He distorts reality, to make you feel powerless. He is constantly searching for how he has been wronged. He is in perpetual pursuit for a reason on why he will fail. Murder Him, every time you hear his voice, silence him, ridicule him and cast him back into the shadows. No matter how many times you kill him he will come back, he will return using different weapons to seduce you. It is up to you to remain vigilant and be the Superhero your mind needs.

[glow=red,2,300]Sista'[/glow] thanks for this quote, perfect for those that are dealing with the [glow=red,2,300]"VOICE"[/glow] that wants you to cut, cut now.

[[Va...]]

Here is something I came across  on the web and it struck me that it also applies to that voice bringing us down we all have inside and nearly all of us a talk about  quite frequently. Whether  its telling us to cut! when we should hold or we're never going to get better or improve only keep getting more disabled and dysfunctional. The post below was just one answer to the question that was asked but it hit a big bell of resonation with me .

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

What are the most important things for a man to learn in life?

 

Murder the Victim - There is a victim inside all of us. He is competing for our attention every second of the day. He distorts reality, to make you feel powerless. He is constantly searching for how he has been wronged. He is in perpetual pursuit for a reason on why he will fail. Murder Him, every time you hear his voice, silence him, ridicule him and cast him back into the shadows. No matter how many times you kill him he will come back, he will return using different weapons to seduce you. It is up to you to remain vigilant and be the Superhero your mind needs.

Great quote nova! 

[[ba...]]

Hi friends.

 

In December I went for a routine urethra stretch, and the new urologist (we finally got a urologist in my county) botched it (I have 1 kidney, an undersized bladder and urethra, been doing this all my life) Soon after, I got UTI symptoms. I called the urologist office, they said they didn't have time to see me, that I should go to the ER. I fired them.

 

I then called my PCP who saw me that day. The culture showed a highly resistant infection usually gotten from unsanitary equipment,or in hospitals. Additionally, the new urologist never scoped my bladder.

 

I live 3 hours from the next urologist, who is very good. MY PCP has been treating the infection, so I don't have to drive a whole day for cultures, etc.I live in a teeny mountain ski town, so we have to travel 3 hours to see most specialists. Additionally, my PCP acts as  a multi specialist, given the limited doctors. he prescribes my xanax, and takes care of every other medical issue he can.

 

I started with conventional antibiotics, also had to start using catheters.(Still need them, just not as often) The antibiotics did  not work. Finally, as a last resort, my PCP put me on levaquin (a fluroquinilone antibiotic), as horrendous and dangerous as it is..It did the trick.  It was either that, or go into the hospital.  I got an upper respiratory virus at the end of the levaquin, and my body could not heal it.

 

Additionally, any more antibiotics are out of the question.

 

Back to my PCP because I had an elephant on my chest.

 

I am being treated with prednisone (a steroid) in whats called a steroid bomb. I have asthma, something I have never had before.

 

Anyway, my dose jumped up, I am fighting it down, as my PCP is not happy that I went from 5.5 mg to 8 ( briefly) and I am now around 7.25, fighting to stay at 7 mg of xanax. I used up all my stash to do this.

 

So that's my story.

 

As soon as I am strong and not on medications, I will be going to the new urologist. My PCP just wrote my new xanax script at 7 mg a day (generous) He let me know he is not happy about it, and I am not to go up again, and I am to start tapering as soon as I get everything else straightened out.

 

It has been horrible. I hope the asthma proves temporary, as my PCP said it would, and I have to stay away from sick people, so no new illness gets me and we have to come up with non antibiotic ways to treat it.

 

I just want to feel sane, I want off the xanax, you know how it feels. The anxiety is non stop. The side affects of the medications do not help. I had to drop out of life for quite a while. Fighting the tight chest as I type this.

 

Will catch up with everyone as to how your doing soon. Loves to all.

[[...]]

M  that's exactly how I feel plus non stop burning and hypersensitivity,  pain and insomnia on the rise, symptoms I never had before but like you said I had better days it just these bad ones make us so indecisive, I get no relief form doses either so you not alone.  I also feel like I'm treading water going nowhere  right now, plus I have additional stress on top I can't cope with either.  But I just looked back through my posts and a few of yours this has been happening to us  both on and off, and some of our posts look like a copy of each other, than there was this one I wrote

 

Oh Nova  I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time ......I'm glad im not alone , but really sorry you are suffering so much and the added stresses.

Thank you for the great quotes , they are very helpful , and that niggling voice is STILL saying " oh but but I'm uniquely sc***ed" . Down boy , get out of my head !

wish they had a " cut" option for brains like when you are writing an email.

 

Well, whatever , we will will come out of this with some very strong tools for life and whatever it throws at us. I was feeling really depressed and I could see I was going down a hole , so I actually got on you tube and listened to some healing type stuff , and it really helped, got me to just feel the sensations in my body and not resist them , just breath.

Sometimes there's not a lot else we can do.

 

Sending you love and  :hug:  :smitten:

MiYu

[[...]]

Hi friends.

 

In December I went for a routine urethra stretch, and the new urologist (we finally got a urologist in my county) botched it (I have 1 kidney, an undersized bladder and urethra, been doing this all my life) Soon after, I got UTI symptoms. I called the urologist office, they said they didn't have time to see me, that I should go to the ER. I fired them.

 

I then called my PCP who saw me that day. The culture showed a highly resistant infection usually gotten from unsanitary equipment,or in hospitals. Additionally, the new urologist never scoped my bladder.

 

I live 3 hours from the next urologist, who is very good. MY PCP has been treating the infection, so I don't have to drive a whole day for cultures, etc.I live in a teeny mountain ski town, so we have to travel 3 hours to see most specialists. Additionally, my PCP acts as  a multi specialist, given the limited doctors. he prescribes my xanax, and takes care of every other medical issue he can.

 

I started with conventional antibiotics, also had to start using catheters.(Still need them, just not as often) The antibiotics did  not work. Finally, as a last resort, my PCP put me on levaquin (a fluroquinilone antibiotic), as horrendous and dangerous as it is..It did the trick.  It was either that, or go into the hospital.  I got an upper respiratory virus at the end of the levaquin, and my body could not heal it.

 

Additionally, any more antibiotics are out of the question.

 

Back to my PCP because I had an elephant on my chest.

 

I am being treated with prednisone (a steroid) in whats called a steroid bomb. I have asthma, something I have never had before.

 

Anyway, my dose jumped up, I am fighting it down, as my PCP is not happy that I went from 5.5 mg to 8 ( briefly) and I am now around 7.25, fighting to stay at 7 mg of xanax. I used up all my stash to do this.

 

So that's my story.

 

As soon as I am strong and not on medications, I will be going to the new urologist. My PCP just wrote my new xanax script at 7 mg a day (generous) He let me know he is not happy about it, and I am not to go up again, and I am to start tapering as soon as I get everything else straightened out.

 

It has been horrible. I hope the asthma proves temporary, as my PCP said it would, and I have to stay away from sick people, so no new illness gets me and we have to come up with non antibiotic ways to treat it.

 

I just want to feel sane, I want off the xanax, you know how it feels. The anxiety is non stop. The side affects of the medications do not help. I had to drop out of life for quite a while. Fighting the tight chest as I type this.

 

Will catch up with everyone as to how your doing soon. Loves to all.

 

Baddove , I'm so sorry  you are really going through some hell.

I hope it passes soon for you and that you can cope well enough with everything. As well as can be expected under the circumstances anyway.

Our bodies are amazing and DO heal..... We've been royally messed up by these meds, but , according to the many years these drugs have been prescribed for , we do all heal eventually . Even sometimes miraculously.

May it be so for everyone .

 

Love, MiYu 

 

[[...]]

Ps , has anyone had the experience of increased symptoms after taking their V ? It feels like it hits my system and my body goes " oh no not this again" and reacts to it .... Then it gradually passes as the peak plasma happens , and then it's same old when I take the next dose .....

 

I'm really hoping this too will even out. I had the same experience with steroids .... My body was dependent on them , but every time I took them I'd go through this kind of chemical disturbance ,then  it would pass til my next dose. I ended up taking then in minute doses throughout the day as it was the only way I could tolerate them .

Interestingly - when I had to basically CT the steroids , I took the minutest dose daily for some time , like a tiny grain of sand type dose .my body hated even that much .

For a long time I tried to stop this , and would get horrific WDs . No doctor believed that it could be doing something , but it was . Eventually I was able to stop that teeny tiny dose without the WDs . The steroids also really messed up my nervous system , so I'm sure I'm still dealing with that with my Valium taper. Anyway just to say that , when we get low in the benzo taper, I know from experience that even a tiny dose has effects that can take time to withdraw from . Very mysterious .

So I'm definitely not of the ' jumping' mind.... Oh no no...... 

 

MiYu

[[HO...]]

Ps , has anyone had the experience of increased symptoms after taking their V ? It feels like it hits my system and my body goes " oh no not this again" and reacts to it .... Then it gradually passes as the peak plasma happens , and then it's same old when I take the next dose .....

 

I'm really hoping this too will even out. I had the same experience with steroids .... My body was dependent on them , but every time I took them I'd go through this kind of chemical disturbance ,then  it would pass til my next dose. I ended up taking then in minute doses throughout the day as it was the only way I could tolerate them .

Interestingly - when I had to basically CT the steroids , I took the minutest dose daily for some time , like a tiny grain of sand type dose .my body hated even that much .

For a long time I tried to stop this , and would get horrific WDs . No doctor believed that it could be doing something , but it was . Eventually I was able to stop that teeny tiny dose without the WDs . The steroids also really messed up my nervous system , so I'm sure I'm still dealing with that with my Valium taper. Anyway just to say that , when we get low in the benzo taper, I know from experience that even a tiny dose has effects that can take time to withdraw from . Very mysterious .

So I'm definitely not of the ' jumping' mind.... Oh no no...... 

 

MiYu

 

I don't get relief and feel sick too.

[[Va...]]

Ps , has anyone had the experience of increased symptoms after taking their V ? It feels like it hits my system and my body goes " oh no not this again" and reacts to it .... Then it gradually passes as the peak plasma happens , and then it's same old when I take the next dose .....

 

I'm really hoping this too will even out. I had the same experience with steroids .... My body was dependent on them , but every time I took them I'd go through this kind of chemical disturbance ,then  it would pass til my next dose. I ended up taking then in minute doses throughout the day as it was the only way I could tolerate them .

Interestingly - when I had to basically CT the steroids , I took the minutest dose daily for some time , like a tiny grain of sand type dose .my body hated even that much .

For a long time I tried to stop this , and would get horrific WDs . No doctor believed that it could be doing something , but it was . Eventually I was able to stop that teeny tiny dose without the WDs . The steroids also really messed up my nervous system , so I'm sure I'm still dealing with that with my Valium taper. Anyway just to say that , when we get low in the benzo taper, I know from experience that even a tiny dose has effects that can take time to withdraw from . Very mysterious .

So I'm definitely not of the ' jumping' mind.... Oh no no...... 

 

MiYu

I felt worse when dosing when I started my long hold. It lasted for several months. I would get hot flashes and feel terrible after dosing. I figured it was related to not having enough of the drug in my system as I have withdrawn from Xanax years ago and the hot flashes were very prevalent during that time. I believe it is withdrawal related and will subside in time.  --V

[[ca...]]

FWIW I sometimes don`t feel to great after i take my PM dose other times i can feel some relief. To all those having a difficult time right now keep the faith ! ~CD

[[Ca...]]

Morning Guys... That real crappy dead turtle fatigue that hit after that good day I had a couple of weeks ago seems to be lifting well...  woke much brighter today...

Another indicator to just keep waiting this out...

 

Hang in there People, trust our gut instincts, -not that new know it all voice...

 

My Best to All...

[[ga...]]

I'm so sorry for all the troubles people are having. It's really heartbreaking. I'm just having the waves and windows and over-reacting to stress that has become part of my life now. This sure does get old, doesn't it? It does make one impatient to cut. But I am being very cautious and will hold again as soon as symptoms ramp up. I must remain functional.

 

Glad you're getting a bit of a break, Cant. I hear a mermaid is on the way to visit and you wouldn't want to be too tired to greet her properly.

 

Wishing better days ahead soon for everybody.

Gard

 

[[wa...]]

Hi all  - sorry to jump in and interrupt - I read a few pages back about someone who had a hip replacement.  Can you PM me?

 

P.S. - love you all and thnx for helping me during my long taper -- so many think faster, faster off Z drugs.  WBB

[[Va...]]

Hi all  - sorry to jump in and interrupt - I read a few pages back about someone who had a hip replacement.  Can you PM me?

 

P.S. - love you all and thnx for helping me during my long taper -- so many think faster, faster off Z drugs.  WBB

So good to hear from you WBB! Hope you're doing well.  --V

[[...]]

I'm so sorry for all the troubles people are having. It's really heartbreaking. I'm just having the waves and windows and over-reacting to stress that has become part of my life now. This sure does get old, doesn't it? It does make one impatient to cut. But I am being very cautious and will hold again as soon as symptoms ramp up. I must remain functional.

 

Glad you're getting a bit of a break, Cant. I hear a mermaid is on the way to visit and you wouldn't want to be too tired to greet her properly.

 

Wishing better days ahead soon for everybody.

Gard

 

Gard , I'm so with you on the " this gets old" feeling.......

Last two days I've been struggling with depression and even feeling angry , which is not like " me".

I know it's chemical , but it feels awful.

Can't help feeling like we've been dealt a crap hand ......

Oh well, one day at a time , wish it would warm up here in  No Cal  so I could enjoy some sun..... I Expect it'll do what usually happens and shoot up into the 100's over night !

 

Glad you are tapering , good for you!  :smitten:

 

Cant - yay for your windows must make you feel very hopeful , always good 

 

Love, MiYu

 

 

 

[[He...]]

I wish I wasn't so sensitive to cuts. Today is day 20 and the dizzies that appeared two days ago are getting worse each day. Today I will not go out of the house. I am walking very tentatively. Very unbalanced.

I am guessing that this has to do with the long half life of Valium. I've read that the drug can stay in your system even longer than the normal time when you are an older person.

 

So that's why I am probably experiencing reved up wdsx now at day 20.

 

Well at least that little benzo devil in my brain that was telling me to cut again, is not influencing me any more. No way will I cut now until I am stable. Maybe I even shouldn't have cut the last time I did. But it's too late for monday morning quarterbacking.

 

Just going to hold more and more.  Hope this unbalanced, light headed, dizzy feeling goes away soon! Feeling quite awful!

 

Heath :'(

 

 

[[He...]]

MiYu, Gard, and everyone,

Hope you get some windiws today. Yes this does get "old".  Very disheartening.

 

I hope everyone has some Windows today.

 

MiYu, the weather here in southern CA is cold and dreary too. It's supposed to be up to 90 by the weekend. It will probably happen over night, as you said!

Heath :smitten:

[[ga...]]

Well, gals, it's what we call "roasting hot" here in the upper Midwest (80's and humid in May, of all things). I guess we stole your weather. No worries. We're not keeping it. Highs in the 60s and then the 50s are right around the corner. When the temperatures turn that way in the spring, it usually means nasty weather brings them in. Sure enough, severe storms and tornado watches posted for tonight.

 

Happily, I do not live in tornado alley, so we typically get little tornados that pop down and then back up again. The sirens go off over every little blip on the radar and everyone says, "Oh sure," and ignores them. My daughter unplugs the weather alert radio when she goes to bed so it doesn't wake her up! Not me, though! I go sleep in the basement. Oh, that's right, my bedroom is already in the basement anyway.

 

V, what do your chickens do in tornados? Do you have a chicken storm cellar? ( ) Or do you just bring them all in the house with you? Just wondering! I'm only allowed hamsters and they are already in the house and totally oblivious. Works great.

 

Gard

[[Va...]]

Well, gals, it's what we call "roasting hot" here in the upper Midwest (80's and humid in May, of all things). I guess we stole your weather. No worries. We're not keeping it. Highs in the 60s and then the 50s are right around the corner. When the temperatures turn that way in the spring, it usually means nasty weather brings them in. Sure enough, severe storms and tornado watches posted for tonight.

 

Happily, I do not live in tornado alley, so we typically get little tornados that pop down and then back up again. The sirens go off over every little blip on the radar and everyone says, "Oh sure," and ignores them. My daughter unplugs the weather alert radio when she goes to bed so it doesn't wake her up! Not me, though! I go sleep in the basement. Oh, that's right, my bedroom is already in the basement anyway.

 

V, what do your chickens do in tornados? Do you have a chicken storm cellar? ( ) Or do you just bring them all in the house with you? Just wondering! I'm only allowed hamsters and they are already in the house and totally oblivious. Works great.

 

Gard

LOL gard. We don't have tornadoes here.  --V

[[He...]]

Good luck with the tornadoes, if they ever do hit your area in a major way. The idea of it scares me to death!

We have to contend with earthquakes, but there haven't been any big ones in L.A. for some time. Everybody lets their guard down. Not that there us much you can do. There are no forewarnings. The ground just starts to shake and your body shakes in fear of whether it will stop  or it will be the BIG ONE that the scientists say is over due!

Whoa. I better make sure I have enough Valium stored away!  I just scared myself!

 

Heath 

 

 

[[He...]]

Oh man, I am still dizzy! I hate this!  Heath

[[Va...]]

Oh man, I am still dizzy! I hate this!  Heath

I can't seem to shake the dizziness either Heath so we can commiserate together.  --V

[[ga...]]

Well, gals, it's what we call "roasting hot" here in the upper Midwest (80's and humid in May, of all things). I guess we stole your weather. No worries. We're not keeping it. Highs in the 60s and then the 50s are right around the corner. When the temperatures turn that way in the spring, it usually means nasty weather brings them in. Sure enough, severe storms and tornado watches posted for tonight.

 

Happily, I do not live in tornado alley, so we typically get little tornados that pop down and then back up again. The sirens go off over every little blip on the radar and everyone says, "Oh sure," and ignores them. My daughter unplugs the weather alert radio when she goes to bed so it doesn't wake her up! Not me, though! I go sleep in the basement. Oh, that's right, my bedroom is already in the basement anyway.

 

V, what do your chickens do in tornados? Do you have a chicken storm cellar? ( ) Or do you just bring them all in the house with you? Just wondering! I'm only allowed hamsters and they are already in the house and totally oblivious. Works great.

 

Gard

LOL gard. We don't have tornadoes here.  --V

 

Oh, I see. You only have Firenados. So then no worries!

 

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/content/dam/news/photos/000/594/59442.ngsversion.1422034622408.adapt.536.1.jpg

 

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2015/08/150819-fire-tornado-video-idaho-wild-fires-soda-fire/

[[Va...]]

Well, gals, it's what we call "roasting hot" here in the upper Midwest (80's and humid in May, of all things). I guess we stole your weather. No worries. We're not keeping it. Highs in the 60s and then the 50s are right around the corner. When the temperatures turn that way in the spring, it usually means nasty weather brings them in. Sure enough, severe storms and tornado watches posted for tonight.

 

Happily, I do not live in tornado alley, so we typically get little tornados that pop down and then back up again. The sirens go off over every little blip on the radar and everyone says, "Oh sure," and ignores them. My daughter unplugs the weather alert radio when she goes to bed so it doesn't wake her up! Not me, though! I go sleep in the basement. Oh, that's right, my bedroom is already in the basement anyway.

 

V, what do your chickens do in tornados? Do you have a chicken storm cellar? ( ) Or do you just bring them all in the house with you? Just wondering! I'm only allowed hamsters and they are already in the house and totally oblivious. Works great.

 

Gard

LOL gard. We don't have tornadoes here.  --V

 

Oh, I see. You only have Firenados. So then no worries!

 

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/content/dam/news/photos/000/594/59442.ngsversion.1422034622408.adapt.536.1.jpg

 

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2015/08/150819-fire-tornado-video-idaho-wild-fires-soda-fire/

Cool! I didn't know we had firenados. My taper is feeling like a firenado lately.