The Long Hold Support Group

[[be...]]

Heath I am sorry you are having a hard time, I wish I knew how to make it better for you, I know you have been trying very hard to stay on top of your taper, and I do think you have come a long way since you first started. If only we knew what was going to happen, we would be prepared before hand, but benzo's are the pits, you can think that sure I can do this and I am getting better, and then the dime turns on you and it is back to feeling bad again. Use all the things you have learned. And sometimes a good cry is warranted, and it does release some good hormones to give you some relief.

 

Things happen and we just can not know when or why. Do not give up or give in to feeling badly, do the best you can and know that things will get better, when I do not know, but you will know when you are back to feeling better. I am not sure about the Gator Ade, but it does have a lot of sugar I think, although sugar is not an enemy, but too much is not good, be careful with getting too much Kt unless you are told by the Doctor to take Gator Ade. Stay as Strong as you can.

[[ly...]]

 

 

Sorry Heath, I missed your prior post.  Try not to get discouraged.  This coming and going can be very disheartening.  :'( :'(

[[ga...]]

I'm feeling awful, want to cry.

Shortness of breath after just a short walk. Tired and achy. Feeling sick and neck hurts again too. A bit more tinnitus. It's easy to think you have thus withdrawal thing figured out when you are feeling good, but that all goes out the window when you start getting wdsx again. Feeling sorry fir myself. I always think I'm out of the woods when I'm doing good for two months and then bingo.

 

I have to get it through my head that this is not linear.

No wonder many many people just give up.

 

But I can't give up...crying helps get  rid of the stress in me but I just can't stand  this. I'm such a crybaby. So many of you here have it so very much worse than I do.  I really feel so bad for you. I hope you won't give up. You probably have it ten times worse than me.

 

Heath, a real mess and worse than Ive been in a long time. :-[ :-[

 

Heath, Please don't be so hard on yourself. Your experience can't be compared to anyone else's. We all come from different backgrounds, have different resources, have different triggers, etc. And we all get to feeling desperate at times. The wave and windows combined with the benzos messing with our minds and emotions is just the hardest thing ever. Remind yourself it's understandable you are upset given all you are going through. Don't beat yourself up about being upset. You don't deserve that. The benzos are telling you that. And then go ahead and do some self care and remind yourself also that this wave will pass. And it will! And go ahead and cry if it helps. I was crying this morning. There's no law on BB that says you can't cry! As for me, I am never going to give up. Even when I say I am, even when I feel like I am, I'm still not going to do it. And neither are you! We are all in this together. 

Gard

 

P.S. Sorry, not a clue about the gatorade. I'd be surprised if the potassium was the problem, though. There are a lots of foods that have a lot more potassium than gatorade. OJ has more and I drink it every day. Still, in benzo-land seems almost anything is possible. If you're worried, then avoid it. Maybe it wasn't the potassium but something else in it you reacted to. I've heard it's not the healthiest thing.

[[Va...]]

I'm feeling awful, want to cry.

Shortness of breath after just a short walk. Tired and achy. Feeling sick and neck hurts again too. A bit more tinnitus. It's easy to think you have thus withdrawal thing figured out when you are feeling good, but that all goes out the window when you start getting wdsx again. Feeling sorry fir myself. I always think I'm out of the woods when I'm doing good for two months and then bingo.

 

I have to get it through my head that this is not linear.

No wonder many many people just give up.

 

But I can't give up...crying helps get  rid of the stress in me but I just can't stand  this. I'm such a crybaby. So many of you here have it so very much worse than I do.  I really feel so bad for you. I hope you won't give up. You probably have it ten times worse than me.

 

Heath, a real mess and worse than Ive been in a long time. :-[ :-[

Hang in there Heath. I just went through a rough patch myself. It will get better so don't get discouraged.  --V

[[Ca...]]

Hi Heath... Pls Feel however you want to feel about this, let your body decide its emotions..

There is no right or wrong way to feel, asides that part of us is a bit out of whack right now anyway..

Dont compare to others, it is a mind trap devoid of reality, and its all relative to personal experience anyway...

It is so hard when there seems no hope, i guess, try to focus on the end goal, and remember the road thus far traveled...

We are here beside you...Together we can...

 

Umm.. -I was actually sipping a Gatorade as i read your post...

 

I only have about 2 in a week or so and only drink a bit at a time...

I find they help with the fatigue, and also because I have such a hard time drinking water...

I am pretty take or leave with them, and wouldnt think of them as any real aid in my case, maybe a placebo, or a bad habbit even..?? -sorry, Im just not sure...

But for me they are no different to a coffee or can of coke.. may be info in the supliments thread?

 

My best...

[[...]]

 

 

HI Gard , I'm sorry you had to deal with some hard relationship stuff , but glad you are home now.

Yes , it's really hard to figure the catch up time with long acting meds. I can't figure it out either with Valium . But that doesn't even apply to me just yet as I can't taper !

When I do I will start out very slowly as you are doing and wait to see . I know I have had bad WDs from really small cuts catch up with me , even now I seem to be getting WDs from , who knows when, but that also might be just plain old instability .

 

I had a better day today after a really diifcult week.......it's really true that that can happen. I don't feel ' well' but I was able to be active more and do some things , other than just cope with horrid symptoms . Hoping it will be the start of my kind of ' window'!

 

Good going on tapering ..... I know what you mean , I'll be retired too at this rate by the time on off, I don't care if I can have a life in the meantime ......

 

Love , MiYu  :smitten:

 

Wow, that's very good news, Miyu! I'm so happy for you! Life needs to be more than coping with horrid symptoms. That's what holds are supposed to do for us. Hoping your BIG window is right around the corner. :smitten:

 

Thank you Gard.....( and everyone  ) .so weird how I had energy yesterday ( not symptom free , but energy ,like I didn't have to measure everything I did , I just did it ) , and today was harder again.

After being a sloth for such a long time , the ' I'll never stabilize and I'll always have symptoms  and I'll never be able to taper etc " thoughts just creep back in , how could they not really. You know, the , I'm uniquely f**ed type thoughts ! Not so much because of having to be so slow, it's the feeling horrible that makes it hard.

Anyway , one day at a time , waiting for my BIG window .

At least I've been able to get out more , I'm grateful for that . And you know , I'm always open to miracles, they happen !

 

Love to all,

MiYu  :smitten:

 

Thanks for the great cartoon CT 

 

I'll never stabilize and I'll always have symptoms  and I'll never be able to taper etc " thoughts just creep back in , how could they not really. You know, the , I'm uniquely f**ed type thoughts ! Not so much because of having to be so slow, it's the feeling horrible that makes it hard.

  Hi M , we must be 'Astral twins'' I could have written the above word for word then even worse than that, I to am worn down,worn out and can't see there ever being an end too it ever.....again These last few weeks have been awful lots if added stress on top but if I was more stable then things wouldn't be so bad at all, bloody  feeling lethargic, apathetic and Anhedonia  kicked in again revv up in symptoms it always makes you forget you did feel a bit better here and there. But now its back to feeling like we're trapped in forever land that's the nature of this crap i see it all the time on this forum whether people are on or off this poison.

 

And here's the other thing we never had this until we tried to get OFF the drug, things got worse with cuts, so it not the drug or holding the drug when you look at it for what it really is its ongoing withdrawal. And even with my updose that's what's happing its still withdrawing from all the cuts that fkd me up 2 years ago yet I still kept cutting and didn't hold long enough for anything to stabilise properly, and maybe I probably needed to updose more than I did possibly by a lot more than I did but no matter if you go up or down your giving your CNS more to deal with at the same time.

 

The hold won't hurt us, if if wasn't for the fact I got problems with my neighbour I would have held at the lower dose for however long it took but I was too afraid to do so being in the mess I was in and also having problems with kids that live here at the same time, and I feared I would have  break down and get locked up in a mental hospital misdiagnosed once again and more drugs forced on me?  But that being said I updose while under stress in the past and stabilised after holding long enough for it to work it just wasn't stress where I lived it was peaceful here then. But even so on a day when I feel a bit beter the it doesn't bother  me to the point of constant worry and fear its more bearable.Its when  I'm like this everything feels like the absolute end  Hope everyone feels a lot better soon

 

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

Dear Nova,  I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time ,and all the added stress makes it so much harder . Maybe you could start to envisage a peaceful circumstance, see if you can manifest a change in what's happening around you, I don't know if that's possible , but you could try . I'll do it for you too.

You are such a warrior, and I wish for you to stabilize very soon and get a break from all the hell.

 

Love, MiYu 

[[...]]

[glow=red,2,300]"Sista'"[/glow] I think we need to get all of us together and meet at your Apt and take care of the Crow, we are Strong and we can put the crow in a cage and send him way far away, lets get that Plane ready.... :muscle:

Hi Sista'  OPPS! I do not know HOW your post ended up on my last post at all I see you also need to go punch something or tap someone on the head with that baseball bat

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

BG was just trying to hitch a ride to the Bush... sneaky like that... :)

 

-crows, pigeons... -neighbours... -same fix...

Or cooking oil, -top step...

 

Hell, u can All move here.. -we can start a dysfunctional tapering commune... with style...

 

That's funny CT ! You have a great sense of humor  it actually made me laugh out loud , I don't do that very often these days ......

[[...]]

Glad to see you here too Can't Fly. Yes I'm very much trying to find my way and make some progress. I think for me progress means doing less and not beating up on myself over it. It is going to be hard for me to be patient as I want to hold till January. Wow this is a long thread! Hope to have more energy to read everyone's posts and get to know you all. Hope you are doing well. Not so great here. My allergies are giving me throat drop landing right on my gag reflex 🤢. The drought is making it much worse.

Hey there Third... you will get used to it... -if not sure about something, just sing out...

-like when I say... -I think you will be named a "sloth" if you are planning on holding to January... But we will see, best you decide your own animal in time... -Infact the zoo has been a bit quiet of late...

thus far (that I Know of) we have the wise chicken Valley, some sloths, snails?, Im sure Nova said she was a slug one day, and us turtles... one is confused and thinks she is a mermaid too??... -did i miss anyone??

Anyways dont stress on that...

 

January is a long way away, you may feel much better before then, I sure hope so... But I know you will learn good concepts from these guys, that will last well beyond your taper......

Hope u feel better, and get some rain soon...

My best wishes...

 

Sometimes we get visits from scaredy cats too 

[[...]]

I'm feeling awful, want to cry.

Shortness of breath after just a short walk. Tired and achy. Feeling sick and neck hurts again too. A bit more tinnitus. It's easy to think you have thus withdrawal thing figured out when you are feeling good, but that all goes out the window when you start getting wdsx again. Feeling sorry fir myself. I always think I'm out of the woods when I'm doing good for two months and then bingo.

 

I have to get it through my head that this is not linear.

No wonder many many people just give up.

 

But I can't give up...crying helps get  rid of the stress in me but I just can't stand  this. I'm such a crybaby. So many of you here have it so very much worse than I do.  I really feel so bad for you. I hope you won't give up. You probably have it ten times worse than me.

 

Heath, a real mess and worse than Ive been in a long time. :-[ :-[

 

dear Heath , I'm so sorry , it always feels all the more difficult and confusing when you've had a decent period and then crash again . We are always looking for the triggers , I know I do , but , who knows .. That's what's so infuriating about this process . I think best to try not and over think it and just use our coping skills as best we can when things get rough . I had three days last week where I just could t stop crying . I was worried it would make me feel worse , it was tiring , but I guess I had to do it . So let them tears flow of you have to.

You've been doing so great , and the breaks will come again for you , I know they will,

Love , MiYu  :smitten: :hug:

[[Ca...]]

For Everyone Thats Having a Rough Time...

Be Well...

[[He...]]

My dear benzo buddies, begood, valley, Lynne Gard, MiYu, Cantfly,

 

A great big thank you. You have made me feel so much better. I realize after two days of this that it must be some kind of wave. It goes away And comes back about two or three times during a 24 hour period. very weird. Or maybe it's there but because I am trying very hard to distract, maybe I don't notice it as Much? I guess I just have to ride it out and never give up.

 

Be good, you said you don't know how to make it better for me. Well please know that you and the other buddies ALWAYS MAKE IT BETTER FOR ME. Just by reading your kind words of encouragement and caring makes me know that there are buddies out there that care enough to send me long paragraphs of hope. And it's just what I need. It's like you are giving me warm hugs. And you make me feel hopeful and understood..

 

MiYu, Begood, Gard, yes you have reminded me to go back to my coping skills. So even though I am feeling awful, my husband wanted to go for a ride. Instead of saying no. I said ok. It did help a lot.

 

Cantfly, I love your turtle and bouquet of flowers and your encouraging words. Maybe you should stay away from gaterade too?

 

Lynne, no I am really not sensitive to Gatorade. I hardly ever drink it. It's kind of gross if you ask me. But my husband's dr. Told him to drink it because he was low in his electrolytes. So I thought I 'd drink it too. I don't always to the wisest things! But I really don't think it was the gaterade interacting. Just thought I ask. But I'm not drinking it anymore!

 

Gard and BeGood and MiYu, thanks for making this crybaby feel better about the need to cry.

 

Valley, I hope your rough patches of late are improving. You are always encouraging others on this forum, but you very rarely complain about anything. Is that a macho guy thing? Maybe I should get some chickens to distract me. Is that your secret?

 

Well it's time for me to go to sleep, but I just had to thank you all for your response to my cry for help. I think you can tell that my attitude has changed and I am no longer feeling so awfully discouraged and needing to cry. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, I really really don't know what I would do without you all and this forum. Thank goodness for all of you. I really have no where else to turn.

 

I will try to keep my chin up and meet another day with a smile...as Gard always says, it's one day closer to freedom!

 

Heath :smitten: :smitten:

[[Ca...]]

Thanks Heath,

Glad u got out on the bike... I like hearing those things...

Also, after my good day, I am now noticing a few bad wd patches in a day, though the sum total of the day isnt quite as bad as it was... Healing, -I hope...

 

Do you think its the Gatorade thats making my skin green and my shell dull??

Take care...

[[be...]]

"Do you think its the Gatorade thats making my skin green and my shell dull??"

 

[move]"YES" CANT, NEXT QUESTION PLEASE... "[/move]

 

                               

[[Ca...]]

"Do you think its the Gatorade thats making my skin green and my shell dull??"

 

[move]"YES" CANT, NEXT QUESTION PLEASE... "[/move]

 

                             

Well... -no fancy writing... -but I was wondering... -what do you drink that turns your legs into a mermaids tail...??  -and dont say water, even salt water...

[[be...]]

"Do you think its the Gatorade thats making my skin green and my shell dull??"

 

[move]"YES" CANT, NEXT QUESTION PLEASE... "[/move]

 

                             

Well... -no fancy writing... -but I was wondering... -what do you drink that turns your legs into a mermaids tail...??  -and dont say water, even salt water...

[glow=red,2,300]"Aged Wine, Son"[/glow]

[[ga...]]

Heath, So glad you are feeling a bit more able to ride out the waves and know the windows are coming, too.

 

Cant, When I read your post, I first thought you said you were "shipping" gatorade. Like to all of us!  "Can't" imagine why I thought you would write something so crazy!

 

A good day to all. Ride out those waves. Believe in the windows. One day closer to freedom!

 

Gard

[[Va...]]

I hope everyone has agreat day!  --V

[[no...]]

Now I'm really worried, I'm having a really bad day and  I rang my Doctor to try explain about my problems with noise sensitivity, and my neighbour problem. And he said he would send me to see an ENT Specialist about my ears, so I told him there's no way I can leave my home and travel due to my problems. He then went ton about have I got any discharge etc form my ears,  and he can't do nothing for me If I can't get to the ENT. so then I tried to explain to him about Benzo withdrawal was the cause , to which he then replied' ''I'm not going to put you back on Benzodiazepines''.

 

I then tried again to explain I wasn't asking him to do that that it was trying to get myself  off them that were the cause of all my health problems over the year's, and why the symptoms occurred, and my environment wasn't helpful at all. He then said I was tying up the phone as he's spent ex amount of time talking to me and that I had a lot going on and he can't sort everything over the phone( I had requested a house call but he rang me instead)  and to get my Housing officer to write and he will back me up about my sensitive hearing problem ( I feel he just said it to get rid of me). But he was very irate, and rushing me off the phone at that point. I hope I haven't shot myself in  the foot by mentioning the Benzos although he was mistaken that I was asking him to put me back on them when I'm not off.

 

That's really freaked me out now on top of everything else, and I was trying to tell him its no good me being put into another flat but he wasn't really listening so I had to ring the surgery back and I told the receptionist can she please tell the Doctor that I need a carer to stay over night but can't have one as I don't have a spare bedroom for them to stay in ,I can be put on the wanting  list for a house under that condition . I also then had to ring the housing officer, who expected my Doctor to write directly to her but My Doctors won't do that, but she said normally she wouldn't write as its not their policy it supposed to be the Doctor.

 

But she will make an exception for me as she knows how unhappy I am here, but I am freaking out that everything's going to go wrong with my Doctor, my Benzos might get stopped now or end up being worse that it already is, and things are really bad enough as it is. Say a prayer for me please Guys, I'm really worried now thanks.

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[ca...]]

Nova, will for sure say a prayer for you and hang in there as i been dealing with this benzo horror for a long time like you and honestly i am not so sure about much of anything myself these days. So again know your in my thoughts and prayers ~CD

[[be...]]

Now I'm really worried, I'm having a really bad day and  I rang my Doctor to try explain about my problems with noise sensitivity, and my neighbour problem. And he said he would send me to see an ENT Specialist about my ears, so I told him there's no way I can leave my home and travel due to my problems. He then went ton about have I got any discharge etc form my ears,  and he can't do nothing for me If I can't get to the ENT. so then I tried to explain to him about Benzo withdrawal was the cause , to which he then replied' ''I'm not going to put you back on Benzodiazepines''.

 

I then tried again to explain I wasn't asking him to do that that it was trying to get myself  off them that were the cause of all my health problems over the year's, and why the symptoms occurred, and my environment wasn't helpful at all. He then said I was tying up the phone as he's spent ex amount of time talking to me and that I had a lot going on and he can't sort everything over the phone( I had requested a house call but he rang me instead)  and to get my Housing officer to write and he will back me up about my sensitive hearing problem ( I feel he just said it to get rid of me). But he was very irate, and rushing me off the phone at that point. I hope I haven't shot myself in  the foot by mentioning the Benzos although he was mistaken that I was asking him to put me back on them when I'm not off.

 

That's really freaked me out now on top of everything else, and I was trying to tell him its no good me being put into another flat but he wasn't really listening so I had to ring the surgery back and I told the receptionist can she please tell the Doctor that I need a carer to stay over night but can't have one as I don't have a spare bedroom for them to stay in ,I can be put on the wanting  list for a house under that condition . I also then had to ring the housing officer, who expected my Doctor to write directly to her but My Doctors won't do that, but she said normally she wouldn't write as its not their policy it supposed to be the Doctor.

 

But she will make an exception for me as she knows how unhappy I am here, but I am freaking out that everything's going to go wrong with my Doctor, my Benzos might get stopped now or end up being worse that it already is, and things are really bad enough as it is. Say a prayer for me please Guys, I'm really worried now thanks.

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

So Sorry Nova that you have to have such struggles with the Doctors that took an Oath to "do no Harm" to Patients, besides being rude he was not professional at all, how much a Doctor can learn if he will really listen, but no, the unfortunate thing is that benzo's have a bad connotation when spoken in heath settings, and I can only Pray that those of us and those to come after us will not have to go through anymore injustice. We are always going to be here for you Nova.

[[Va...]]

I'm so sorry nova. I really hope and pray everything will get sorted out so you can be relieved of the stress.  --V

[[no...]]

It gets worse I rang a  not well known help line to ask if I have a legal right to stop my Doctor possibly cutting my Benzos  and the person told me that its no good holding 3, 6 months upwards and waiting until you stabilise then preached to me about  Professor Ashtons cutting rates which got me into this mess in the first place!!  She is  is working with people coming off Benzos and came off herself She said I should have continued cutting every 2 weeks no matter what at 1mg and not hold or do updose as its not going to work unless I do it Ashton's way, and holding no matter how long will make it worse not better and that's why I feel so rough. She's got me in a right state now on top of everything else the way I am today. 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[fr...]]

  So sorry Nova, I also stress so much about getting cut off my meds.  Its an awful way to live on top of feeling so sick all the time.  I'm praying for you.

[[HO...]]

I'm feeling awful, want to cry.

Shortness of breath after just a short walk. Tired and achy. Feeling sick and neck hurts again too. A bit more tinnitus. It's easy to think you have thus withdrawal thing figured out when you are feeling good, but that all goes out the window when you start getting wdsx again. Feeling sorry fir myself. I always think I'm out of the woods when I'm doing good for two months and then bingo.

 

I have to get it through my head that this is not linear.

No wonder many many people just give up.

 

But I can't give up...crying helps get  rid of the stress in me but I just can't stand  this. I'm such a crybaby. So many of you here have it so very much worse than I do.  I really feel so bad for you. I hope you won't give up. You probably have it ten times worse than me.

 

Heath, a real mess and worse than Ive been in a long time. :-[ :-[

Hang in there Heath. I just went through a rough patch myself. It will get better so don't get discouraged.  --V

 

I get scared when people say give up what does everyone mean by that?😥

[[He...]]

Nova, my prayers are with you. I'm so sorry you are going through this, and for so long too. I hope things get straightened out for you real soon. I wish I had a solution for you. But maybe all the prayers coming your way will help a lot.

 

Heath