The Long Hold Support Group

[[be...]]

Valley:

Thanks for responding. Your vision stuff just comes and goes independent of cuts? I guess that's what I find so confusing. Out of nowhere it's like my eyes are going to pop and I can't focus. I get so anxious working--let alone driving kids. UGH! Anyway, it does help to know I'm not alone--and that--with luck it's just w/d..I am so done with this crap. Hijacking my life but doing everything I can not to let it take over One step at a time.

Thanks again!!!

Blue

I forgot to mention that my eye doctor said much of it is due to dry eyes. I use eye drops but plugs work better. I had plugs put in before I started to taper because of the blurry vision due to dry eyes. They work well. He also said to take fish oil as I withdraw because our eyes don't produce enough oil.  --V

Sorry V but could you explain why they used plugs....?

They put the plugs in the side of your eyes and they slowly dissolve over 6 months. They also have permanent plugs I hear. They are for extremely dry eyes which cause irritation and blurring.  --V

Thanks. :smitten:

[[Va...]]

Had an ultrasound yesterday. Feeling bloated and upset stomach. Kind of mild indigestion but really bloated. Hope nothing is wrong. I've put on 10 pounds since starting  my taper but I have read that it's not unusual to have a "benzo belly and to gain weight. . I'm on pins and needles waiting to get results because I saw a black spot on the radiology film on the monitor. Got me really nervous. But the. Techs won't answer any questions. Can't wait till my gynecologist gives me good results!!

 

Heath

Hope all goes well Heath. I've put in 20 pounds since I started this process. I look pregnant lol. I've been working out for 5 weeks and the rest of my body is returning to it's normal look while the belly continues to stick out. It's embarrassing at the gym.  --V

[[Al...]]

I usually look OK in the morning, then even after having only a tea or something light.

I can't see my feet!

 

Damn benzo belly!!

 

We just have except that its temporary!!!!! 

 

 

ATU 🙏

[[bl...]]

Valley and Heath:

Thanks again. Do plugs hurt? My eyes don't feel dry but I did get something called a chazalion cyst on my eyelid 2 weeks ago and supposedly they are a symptom of dry eyes and can take months and months to go away. It aint pretty and no eye make up. Perfect. My vision feels a bit better this afternoon. VERY odd. It was awful last few days. I hope it is gone away for a while--I have same thing where reading small print impossible to focus and then HUGE freeway signs are blurry--with glasses on! Anyway, I'll try not to panic when it returns. You guys are the best--grateful

Heath-try not to worry about x-ray. I really work myself into a frenzy over this stuff--trying to read into everything the radiologist isn't saying--all the while they are thinking about what's for lunch--not anything on the film. But keep us posted and thanks again--

Blue

[[Va...]]

Valley and Heath:

Thanks again. Do plugs hurt? My eyes don't feel dry but I did get something called a chazalion cyst on my eyelid 2 weeks ago and supposedly they are a symptom of dry eyes and can take months and months to go away. It aint pretty and no eye make up. Perfect. My vision feels a bit better this afternoon. VERY odd. It was awful last few days. I hope it is gone away for a while--I have same thing where reading small print impossible to focus and then HUGE freeway signs are blurry--with glasses on! Anyway, I'll try not to panic when it returns. You guys are the best--grateful

Heath-try not to worry about x-ray. I really work myself into a frenzy over this stuff--trying to read into everything the radiologist isn't saying--all the while they are thinking about what's for lunch--not anything on the film. But keep us posted and thanks again--

Blue

Hi BP. The plugs don't hurt at all and actually make your eyes feel much better.  --V

[[He...]]

Heath, hope your XRays are normal, benzo belly is quite common here at BB and for years I suffered with it and did not know what was causing it, but if some of us stood up next to each other in a line we could compare bellies, it is almost comic how we can look and it is not pleasant mine will wax and wane. It is good for you to get it checked out, and never assume it is a wd sx. "Here is my belly saying to your belly hiya, are you the new girl on belly lane"?. Let us know how your tests turn out. Stay Strong. :smitten:

 

 

Begood,

Thanks for that reply. You made me laugh and I needed that! 

I will let you know when I get the results.

Heath

[[He...]]

Heath,

 

If is any consolation, this past week has been one of my worst for benzo belly and lots of gaseous distension. More I mean than usual.

I had a Doctors appointment today to discuss my lingering cold and my bloatiness and I get these gas pains quite high up in the area just under the lower ribs. I mention this because although I have had GI issue all through this taper it has never been this bad.

He thinks it's just this cold wrapping up and I should be fine in a few days. If not he said he will send me for X-rays.

I am sure you will be fine. 

 

Hugs:

 

ATU 🙏

 

Thanks ATU. It seems that many people here have benzo bellies. Thanks for the supportive post. Hope you are doing better.

Heath 

[[He...]]

Valley, thank you for your support.

I can just imagine you pregnant. That's a laugh!

 

Heath

[[Ca...]]

Valley, thank you for your support.

I can just imagine you pregnant. That's a laugh!

 

Heath

well Heath, I was going to say something... -now im not sure...

-To be told im having triplets...

But yes, very benzo opiate belly here too, such an un-natural shape, and not so much actual fat or fluid, more tense and swollen... Damn IVF...

 

Not that iv had much imaging done... -but in an ultrasound and most imaging a dark spot usually indicates nothing... ie. absense of matter... The actual break in a bone, or in an abdo ultrasound, often gas pockets within the GI tract... My point being that it has taken me years of looking at successive images of my own anatomy, with much help from Drs and a friend who is a prof. of radiology, and im only just getting the Xray and CT imaging side... Ultrasounds are a whole other beast... So im saying, with much waffle, Please dont stress at all, until you have good reason from an interpritation and Dr...

-Which wont happen cos u will be fine...

 

Blue, -eyes... yes, for me, very medicine, and laret lack of medicine related... I have reas a simple explination that it is to do with  the murid of tiny muscles in the eye that effect focus etc... Though knowing benzos, there is probably even more to it than that..

My focus is improving as my SX fade a bit, but still get horribly itchy at times, worse in the mornings...

 

Everyone, Hi... Have been a bit quiet of late... up n down... but all is well...

 

Oh, and I have a specialist appointment tomorrow, This guy is sposed to be the expert in OIBS -opiate induced bowel syndrome... which is said to be rather similar to benzo belly...

Anyways, we will see... specialist number 101... not holding my breath...

 

My best to Everyone...

Be Well...

 

[[Me...]]

What does the term DMLT mean? I'm newer and unfamiliar with this term. Also, if I want to microtaper at 3 or 5%, do I have to cut daily or can I cut every couple days or every week? I know it drags the process out but, will it help decrease sxs? Thanks!

[[bl...]]

Valley, Heath, Cant--

Thanks. Hanging in. A bit better today. Able to write and exercise a bit. I find Advil helps vision a bit but probably not a good idea. I bet a big glass of Cabernet would help too. Someday....sigh. Hang in everyone. And I agree with Cant, Heath--don't stress. It's nothin.

BP

[[Va...]]

What does the term DMLT mean? I'm newer and unfamiliar with this term. Also, if I want to microtaper at 3 or 5%, do I have to cut daily or can I cut every couple days or every week? I know it drags the process out but, will it help decrease sxs? Thanks!

Hi Mellow. DLMT means daily liquid microtaper. If you want to taper 3-5%, you can either do daily cuts or microcuts (very small cuts) and hold for a few days in between. Some here will do daily cuts for 10 days and then hold for 10 days to a month. I have been making small cuts and holding 2-5 days. You just have to experiment a little to see what works best for you. Your sxs should decrease. In fact, in my experience, I have felt much better the lower I go as long as I'm careful and go slow and hold at the first sign of sxs ramping up.  --V

[[Va...]]

Valley, Heath, Cant--

Thanks. Hanging in. A bit better today. Able to write and exercise a bit. I find Advil helps vision a bit but probably not a good idea. I bet a big glass of Cabernet would help too. Someday....sigh. Hang in everyone. And I agree with Cant, Heath--don't stress. It's nothin.

BP

That's great news BP! 

[[be...]]

Valley, thank you for your support.

I can just imagine you pregnant. That's a laugh!

 

Heath

well Heath, I was going to say something... -now im not sure...

-To be told im having triplets...

But yes, very benzo opiate belly here too, such an un-natural shape, and not so much actual fat or fluid, more tense and swollen... Damn IVF...

 

Not that iv had much imaging done... -but in an ultrasound and most imaging a dark spot usually indicates nothing... ie. absense of matter... The actual break in a bone, or in an abdo ultrasound, often gas pockets within the GI tract... My point being that it has taken me years of looking at successive images of my own anatomy, with much help from Drs and a friend who is a prof. of radiology, and im only just getting the Xray and CT imaging side... Ultrasounds are a whole other beast... So im saying, with much waffle, Please dont stress at all, until you have good reason from an interpritation and Dr...

-Which wont happen cos u will be fine...

 

Blue, -eyes... yes, for me, very medicine, and laret lack of medicine related... I have reas a simple explination that it is to do with  the murid of tiny muscles in the eye that effect focus etc... Though knowing benzos, there is probably even more to it than that..

My focus is improving as my SX fade a bit, but still get horribly itchy at times, worse in the mornings...

 

Everyone, Hi... Have been a bit quiet of late... up n down... but all is well...

 

Oh, and I have a specialist appointment tomorrow, This guy is sposed to be the expert in OIBS -opiate induced bowel syndrome... which is said to be rather similar to benzo belly...

Anyways, we will see... specialist number 101... not holding my breath...

 

My best to Everyone...

Be Well...

Cant let us know how your appointment goes. :smitten:

[[Ca...]]

Well, Im off to see the Wizard... -The Wonderful Wizard called Doc...

 

Yes, hope it goes well, or Ill be back in the naughty corner...

 

Thanks BG...

Oo

 

My best to all...

 

 

[[...]]

Well, Im off to see the Wizard... -The Wonderful Wizard called Doc...

 

Yes, hope it goes well, or Ill be back in the naughty corner...

 

Thanks BG...

Oo

 

My best to all...

 

Good luck CT , hope you get some good help, you deserve it! Ii read some of your blog... Wow , you've have been through some intense stuff....makes me feel like a wuss! You are one strong dude .....let us know how you do with the wizard....

 

MiYu 

[[He...]]

Good luck Cantfly.

Hope this doc will be the magic doc and give you good answers that help.

 

Heath

[[...]]

I think I got lost. I was trying to catch up but this thread moves so fast and I've actually been having a window and been out doing things. Next thing I know I'm 20 pages behind so I just jumped through most of them. I hope I didn't miss much. I was enjoying the banter about our business.

 

I'm back in a wave now despite still holding, that's pretty normal after CTing from an AD though. I think I'm going to hold for a couple more months to see if there is any pattern to getting windows and waves and if there is maybe it will help me know when to do some micro tapering.

 

It's so hard to go back into a wave after really enjoying being out of the house and such low anxiety as well as all my other symptoms being low or gone. Today was super hard. The anxiety was so high even distraction wasn't keeping it at bay. So back to the grind I guess. I'm at almost a full two months of holding. I have heard that some people on K can get worse while they hold so I have to look out for that too I suppose. Hopefully I won't be one of those and I'll be able to hold as long as I need/want to.

 

Can't, I hope your doc appointment went well and you were able to learn something.

 

One thing that has gotten better for me with this hold has been my benzo belly and GI issues. I do find that I'm gaining weight though and I'm not happy about that. I haven't even been eating more than usual.

 

I hope that everyone is doing well. I'm hoping to be able to go back and read some of the posts so I can catch up with everyone.

 

Hugs and healing

T

[[ly...]]

 

 

Great news on your window T!!

[[Va...]]

I think I got lost. I was trying to catch up but this thread moves so fast and I've actually been having a window and been out doing things. Next thing I know I'm 20 pages behind so I just jumped through most of them. I hope I didn't miss much. I was enjoying the banter about our business.

 

I'm back in a wave now despite still holding, that's pretty normal after CTing from an AD though. I think I'm going to hold for a couple more months to see if there is any pattern to getting windows and waves and if there is maybe it will help me know when to do some micro tapering.

 

It's so hard to go back into a wave after really enjoying being out of the house and such low anxiety as well as all my other symptoms being low or gone. Today was super hard. The anxiety was so high even distraction wasn't keeping it at bay. So back to the grind I guess. I'm at almost a full two months of holding. I have heard that some people on K can get worse while they hold so I have to look out for that too I suppose. Hopefully I won't be one of those and I'll be able to hold as long as I need/want to.

 

Can't, I hope your doc appointment went well and you were able to learn something.

 

One thing that has gotten better for me with this hold has been my benzo belly and GI issues. I do find that I'm gaining weight though and I'm not happy about that. I haven't even been eating more than usual.

 

I hope that everyone is doing well. I'm hoping to be able to go back and read some of the posts so I can catch up with everyone.

 

Hugs and healing

T

Great news tntd! Hope things continue to go well after you navigate this wave.  --V

[[an...]]

Hi Tntd,

 

Great news about the window.  I am sorry you are back in a wave though.  I am sure that more windows will come.  I know what you mean about going from a window to a wave.  While in a window, I feel wonderful and I tend to forget about the symptoms.  When symptoms do hit, I feel so disappointed.

 

Take care. 

Anne   

[[an...]]

Hi Can't

 

I hope all goes well with your appointment!!

 

Anne 

[[...]]

Hi everyone .... Hope all are well or coping with waves if that's what's coming.....

I seem to never  really get out of one! I occasionally have a few better hours in a day, but what's bothering me most right now , is , after only cutting 1/4 mg in six months, I tried again to make a tiny cut .... 1/30th of 1/4 mg ..... Which is my test amount cut , and I'm In a horrible wave , I feel awful , anxiety , weakness , fatigue , shaky ..... It's been a week and today is worse . I'm feeling like I just can't taper and don't know what to do. I'm not stable, and I don't know if I'll ever get stable.

 

Do these tiny cuts upset everything and is it like starting over again with a hold? I just don't get how I could be this unstable. I'm frustrated with the amount of symptoms I have with such a small reduction ,it just doesn't seem possible , but it's what's happening .

I expect it will improve , but I'll never get off like this. This is just too much suffering for such a small cut.

venting , I'm fed up with it ,  there's no way I want to updose , some might disagree ..... So I guess my only option is holding . I just wonder if I can actually taper Valium , whether it might just not be the right med for me....

Of course even dr Madill has no real insight into this. And he's supposed to be a specialist. I honestly don't know anyone , except maybe Nova, who has had this much trouble reducing.....and for a relatively short term use of benzos altogether ....

 

Very frustrated ...... 

 

MiYu

[[Al...]]

Miyu,

 

I dont have an answer for you but I too am amazed at how a small cut has such an impact on me.

I can only assume that my brain chemistry is slow in repairing the alterations this drug has made over the years. I wish I could go faster but I can't not without be home bound or in some assylum.

 

So I continue on and do what I can and hope that the next cut is the one where I won't have the reaction I get right now, you know I'll hit thst magic number when my brain has healed more than the amount I am still on can effect it.

 

Maybe it's just magical thinking on my part but I made a commitment to me to do this even if it well you know!

 

I can offer you some hugs and positive energy however! 

 

:hug:

 

Hang in there our outlook on this process changes directly proportional to the time that passes after a cut.

 

ATU 🙏

[[...]]

Miyu,

 

I dont have an answer for you but I too am amazed at how a small cut has such an impact on me.

I can only assume that my brain chemistry is slow in repairing the alterations this drug has made over the years. I wish I could go faster but I can't not without be home bound or in some assylum.

 

So I continue on and do what I can and hope that the next cut is the one where I won't have the reaction I get right now, you know I'll hit thst magic number when my brain has healed more than the amount I am still on can effect it.

 

Maybe it's just magical thinking on my part but I made a commitment to me to do this even if it well you know!

 

I can offer you some hugs and positive energy however! 

 

:hug:

 

Hang in there our outlook on this process changes directly proportional to the time that passes after a cut.

 

ATU 🙏

Thank ATU , I have noticed how sensitive you must be to cuts by your sig..... That's about what my process looks like....

I appreciate the hugs and positive energy....you've been at this longer than I so I think you've worked on your outlook a bit more!

I'm not sure I completely understand your last statement though? 

 

Sometimes it really helps just to vent and get some support to know I'm not alone . I feel alone except for my online buddies who understand this difficult process . Who else could really? I keep hoping it'll get easier but it hasn't thus far, and I get afraid it'll be this way the whole time . I can't face giving eight plus years of my life to this . I was 55 when i first took a benzo , and my 50's are slipping by, it feels like such a waste . I try to be positive , but sometimes it just seems like a shitty deal with no point to it at all.

MiYu