The Long Hold Support Group

[[an...]]

good morning all

 

I got back from the doctor yesterday and after a long talk he said lets just go up 1/4 mgs for now and see if that helps..he said theres no reason to go back to 4mg of k if you dont need to..so that will put me at 3mgs..he said just take the .87gms of k and up it to .130 equal to the other 3 and that would make it 3 mgs..

 

hes such a nice and good doctor i have been seeing him for yrs..he told me to stop reading and listening to the negative posts on fb.he said alot of times the mind will then have you thinking you are having those symptoms from the benzo brain..he said read positive things..and go and look at yourself in the mirror every morning and tell yourself you will be well and you will be ok..he said you have to stop thinking about all the bad others are going through..cause it can make it happen to you..the mind is a very powerful thing..i know he is right..and hes just a md not a specialist or therapist..but a wise man..he has had to updose other patients before trying to get off of benzos and said if upping slowly they have never had any problems so he told me to stop worrying about it..its different than adding a different med that the body is not use too

 

he also said we will talk next month and see if there are any changes at all and if so then we would consider going a bit higher..but he said i should feel better from this amount in some way..

since i have been at this same dose..taking more should work faster..and he said you have to realize that the reason everyone is so different is because they have other issues..be it stressors, health conditions, mind set, so many things that it makes everyone different..

 

will be back later have to eat..i weighed 123.6 lbs yesterday...i am doing the happy dance..he also said he wanted me walking stores more cause what people experience when they go in a store and feel strange is actually anxiety from being in a closed in store and so many people in there..and i just have to push through that and not let the anxiety win..and if i am tired then sit down..he said take the wheelchair in and walk as long as i can but dont over do and then sit down and let terrie push me..

 

he said that when you lose weight and get weak..as many of us do here...you have to gain the weight back and be stable at the weight then your body can work on getting stronger cause its trying to maintain the weight gain..thats why its so hard to rebuild the strength i once had..something he said doesnt happen over night but will in time..how much time no one knows..but the more you work at it the faster it happens..

 

well off to eat..and will check on everyone in a bit

 

hugs to everyone here..and hope some of this helped or made sense..if any of you have questions you cant get answers from your doctor from let me know and i will write them down and ask him next month

 

deep

 

Hi Deep,

 

I am so happy your doctor is supportive.  He is a wise man.  I hope that you see some improvement soon.  I have a feeling you will. 

 

Take good care.  Please keep us posted on how you are doing.  This is a wonderful supportive group of people on the long hold thread. 

 

Best,

Anne xoxox

[[an...]]

thanks for all the encouragement you guys.. It means a lot to me.  Today was another anxiety filled day.  Im gong to try taking part of my dose during the day instead of all at night, even though I dont think valium is all that great for anxiety..  It's worth a try.

Hi George, sorry you are having anxiety, and hopefully splitting dose will help, nothing ventured nothing gained, Hang in there and Stay Strong, we are all here for you. :smitten:

 

Thanks BG!  Hope you are doing well tonight 

Doing well, thanks

 

Glad you are doing well Begood!!  Keep it up. 

 

Enjoy your evening

Anne  :smitten:

[[ga...]]

I've had a truly horrible 2 weeks. Life stress plus tapering and I came apart last week and am still trying to patch myself back together. And wondering if I am going to make it.

 

My daughter said, "Ask Benzo Buddies about it, they'll tell you I'm right." I know she's right but I need to hear it. So here's what happened.

 

After a few really bad experiences in the healthcare system, I went to my new psychiatrist for encouragement recently, thinking I would get it from her when I could get it nowhere else. She told me I needed these drugs, I had a mental disorder, and should stay on them indefinitely. I was shocked because she had never said that before.

 

My daughter said just "use her to get your scripts and to heck with what she think."

 

I just feel so alone in this since my old psychiatrist, who believed me and was helping me taper, left the practice. I guess I should be grateful to have a prescriber who will write the scripts. It was just a shock to get scolded and told I was defective and needed these drugs. By someone I thought was on my side. I wish I could leave her, but it could be out of the frying pan into the fire.

 

I wish I didn't live in the middle of nowhere. I'm sure there would be some kind of resources for support if I lived in a city, but stuck in the sticks, I have very few options.

 

Sorry for being so very, very sad. I don't know what's come over me. I am beginning to think the whole mental healthcare system is totally nuts. I get no encouragement. I get told to pull myself up by my bootstraps or it proves I'm crazy. That they're chopping pieces off of me and won't be happy until I'm a pile of junk so then they can say, "See, we told you the poor thing was nuts and needs us to take care of her." And then, of course, add another drug.

 

Gard :'(

[[ga...]]

Also wanted to share this for anybody needing a nature fix.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUSmGZ-6FiA

[[Al...]]

Also wanted to share this for anybody needing a nature fix.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUSmGZ-6FiA

 

Gardener99,

 

Your PCP is an idiot!

Get your scripts and continue your taper yourself with the support here.

By the way life stresses always rev up my sxs. Your going to be just fine. Your daughter is right!

 

 

ATU 🙏

[[ga...]]

Also wanted to share this for anybody needing a nature fix.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUSmGZ-6FiA

 

Gardener99,

 

Your PCP is an idiot!

Get your scripts and continue your taper yourself with the support here.

By the way life stresses always rev up my sxs. Your going to be just fine. Your daughter is right!

 

 

ATU 🙏

 

Oops. Did I write PCP? It's the new psychiatrist that my PCP made me go to. Fixed it. But doesn't matter. She's an idiot anyway, no matter what initials are after her name right?

[[ly...]]

Also wanted to share this for anybody needing a nature fix.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUSmGZ-6FiA

 

Gardener99,

 

Your PCP is an idiot!

Get your scripts and continue your taper yourself with the support here.

By the way life stresses always rev up my sxs. Your going to be just fine. Your daughter is right!

 

 

ATU 🙏

 

Oops. Did I write PCP? It's the new psychiatrist that my PCP made me go to. Fixed it. But doesn't matter. She's an idiot anyway, no matter what initials are after her name right?

 

Hey Gard,

 

Don't worry about it - just ignore her and get your scripts.  My pdoc said the same.  He said that I didn't have wd it was just my anxiety coming back and I needed to stay on xanax the rest of my life.  No sense trying to talk to these people.

 

Hope you feel better.

[[Ge...]]

thanks for all the encouragement you guys.. It means a lot to me.  Today was another anxiety filled day.  Im gong to try taking part of my dose during the day instead of all at night, even though I dont think valium is all that great for anxiety..  It's worth a try.

 

Hi George. I did find that dosing more often reduced my symptoms. I have heard others say so, too, so it could work for you.

 

 

Oh thanks Gardner.  I used to dose Xanax 6x/day, but with valium I didnt feel the interdose in the same way.. hope it works for me too 

[[be...]]

Gard I agree with your Daughter, just go in for your visits, say what you need to get your scripts, no one should talk to patients like that, but it is because you are bucking and they do not like to see patients have a voice, since you can not get another Doctor, just hold your head up high, and know that you are like all of us here we want off, and you will get off, and yes you will meet a Doctor that does not remember part of the oath they took "Do No Harm". Gard you are a good Soul, I had my ENT Doctor shout at me right where everyone, patients, staff could hear that "I am not going to give you any more scripts if you lose this one, I know you are not taking them, how many have you sold" I felt like s**t and the worse thing I was fearful of not getting the script until I got mad, I do not get money for drugs.......so I finally left and it was the best for me, he never had spoke to me like that before, I was stunned. So just do your visits get your scripts, and have a good cry and you will rise above this, and we are here for you. :smitten:  

[[He...]]

Oh Gard, I agree with your daughter 1000%. AND ATU and BEGOOD AND LYNNE TOO.

 

YOUR P DOC SEEMS LIKE A VERY UNCARING AND CRASS HUMAN BEING. HOW DID SHE EVER did she GET HER DEGREE? Can your PCP refer you to another P- doc?

 

So sorry you are going through this!

 

Heath

 

[[ga...]]

thanks for all the encouragement you guys.. It means a lot to me.  Today was another anxiety filled day.  Im gong to try taking part of my dose during the day instead of all at night, even though I dont think valium is all that great for anxiety..  It's worth a try.

 

Hi George. I did find that dosing more often reduced my symptoms. I have heard others say so, too, so it could work for you.

 

 

Oh thanks Gardner.  I used to dose Xanax 6x/day, but with valium I didnt feel the interdose in the same way.. hope it works for me too 

 

Gosh, me, too Xanax was 6x/day! That's was one reason I got off of it. But I went straight to 3 times with the L because my number of capsules was divisible by 3.  I sure hope going to twice on the V helps you.

[[ga...]]

Also wanted to share this for anybody needing a nature fix.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUSmGZ-6FiA

 

Gardener99,

 

Your PCP is an idiot!

Get your scripts and continue your taper yourself with the support here.

By the way life stresses always rev up my sxs. Your going to be just fine. Your daughter is right!

 

 

ATU 🙏

 

Oops. Did I write PCP? It's the new psychiatrist that my PCP made me go to. Fixed it. But doesn't matter. She's an idiot anyway, no matter what initials are after her name right?

 

Hey Gard,

 

Don't worry about it - just ignore her and get your scripts.  My pdoc said the same.  He said that I didn't have wd it was just my anxiety coming back and I needed to stay on xanax the rest of my life.  No sense trying to talk to these people.

 

Hope you feel better.

You, too, Lynn? I'm really sorry. Seems to be an epidemic! My daughter said something about just go in there prepared to lie, there's no point in looking for support. But I'm not a very good liar, for some reason, even when it's really important. I would totally fail as a CIA agent. Perhaps I ought to practice in the mirror before my appointments! "I'm fine. Yes, I am much better on these meds. Of course I'm not tapering. I've learned my lesson." 

[[ga...]]

Gard I agree with your Daughter, just go in for your visits, say what you need to get your scripts, no one should talk to patients like that, but it is because you are bucking and they do not like to see patients have a voice, since you can not get another Doctor, just hold your head up high, and know that you are like all of us here we want off, and you will get off, and yes you will meet a Doctor that does not remember part of the oath they took "Do No Harm". Gard you are a good Soul, I had my ENT Doctor shout at me right where everyone, patients, staff could hear that "I am not going to give you any more scripts if you lose this one, I know you are not taking them, how many have you sold" I felt like s**t and the worse thing I was fearful of not getting the script until I got mad, I do not get money for drugs.......so I finally left and it was the best for me, he never had spoke to me like that before, I was stunned. So just do your visits get your scripts, and have a good cry and you will rise above this, and we are here for you. :smitten:

 

I think you hit the nail on the head there.

 

I can't believe what your ENT yelled at you! Yes, it is stunning when it comes out of the blue. How awful that we have to go into doctor's appointments prepared to be assaulted. What a system!

 

I'm so glad we have each other. And don't the doctors hate that! I emboldens people to stand up to them. I think med school teaches them they are little gods. As I recall from Greek and Roman mythology, little gods don't deal well with mere mortals challenging them.

 

Thanks for helping me to get this through my thick head.

[[ga...]]

Oh Gard, I agree with your daughter 1000%. AND ATU and BEGOOD AND LYNNE TOO.

 

YOUR P DOC SEEMS LIKE A VERY UNCARING AND CRASS HUMAN BEING. HOW DID SHE EVER did she GET HER DEGREE? Can your PCP refer you to another P- doc?

 

So sorry you are going through this!

 

Heath

 

Thanks, Heath. Yes, this is a battle for sure. Thank you for battling on my side.

 

Sadly, no. I have to stick with the one and only psychiatrist in my medical group. I guess it could be worse. I could have one refusing to write any more scripts. That happened to Jeff over not the MT thread. He was scary close to being out of meds before he found a doctor who would write his new scripts. He was so brave during the doctor hunt. As he would report week after week of his appointment with yet another doctor who refused him, he would always say, "Next!" I was near having nervous breakdown worrying he was going to c/t, but he would just say, "Next!" and go make an appointment with another one. Until he found one.

 

One day, I will be off of this junk and I will be so happy to say, "Next!" and walk out of that office for the last time!

 

Thank you all for your encouragement. My daughter was right. I needed to hear it. We are speaking truth to power. They may not be listening, but we still need to do it because we are listing! 

Gard

[[Va...]]

I agree with everyone else gard. My doctor just writes the scrips and told me when I started I will be the first patient to have ever tapered off under his care as no one has ever wanted to get off. He said he would learn from me how to get other patients off so I think many times we travel this road on our own with buddies to help us along the way.  --V

[[Ca...]]

I agree with everyone else gard. My doctor just writes the scrips and told me when I started I will be the first patient to have ever tapered off under his care as no one has ever wanted to get off. He said he would learn from me how to get other patients off so I think many times we travel this road on our own with buddies to help us along the way.  --V

so sorry to hear Gard, -Yet another bump in the road to traverse, that needent be there...

Bounce over it, fill your script... Perhaps save the extra leftovers, parcel them up with a ribbon, and give them back post taper. With a note inside, saying... A return of your failure, Gard...

 

I also was cut off a med CT style at a dose that would have not been ummm, healthy... lucky I had others that Knew my history and were happy to pick up..  The one I chose is still with me, supperted me off the oxy, up down up down, at my own pace, and helped me get into the detox when i couldnt get below 100mg...

 

Now we are in a similar position to Valley, its all new to her, she knows and trusts me, and is soaking it all up... she is now BB aware, and supportive... She also said she was having problems tapering other patients..  she owns the practice and there are 8 Drs there now, so my point is that BB, Thus Us and our experiences have had a great flow on effect in this case....

So hold your head high, know that you are by far the better person, and that this particular Dr will never amount to half the person you are...

-Yes practice in the mirror... -yes -hoard your safety net stash, while needed...

Onwards and upwards...

 

[[ly...]]

Gard I agree with your Daughter, just go in for your visits, say what you need to get your scripts, no one should talk to patients like that, but it is because you are bucking and they do not like to see patients have a voice, since you can not get another Doctor, just hold your head up high, and know that you are like all of us here we want off, and you will get off, and yes you will meet a Doctor that does not remember part of the oath they took "Do No Harm". Gard you are a good Soul, I had my ENT Doctor shout at me right where everyone, patients, staff could hear that "I am not going to give you any more scripts if you lose this one, I know you are not taking them, how many have you sold" I felt like s**t and the worse thing I was fearful of not getting the script until I got mad, I do not get money for drugs.......so I finally left and it was the best for me, he never had spoke to me like that before, I was stunned. So just do your visits get your scripts, and have a good cry and you will rise above this, and we are here for you. :smitten:

 

I think you hit the nail on the head there.

 

I can't believe what your ENT yelled at you! Yes, it is stunning when it comes out of the blue. How awful that we have to go into doctor's appointments prepared to be assaulted. What a system!

 

I'm so glad we have each other. And don't the doctors hate that! I emboldens people to stand up to them. I think med school teaches them they are little gods. As I recall from Greek and Roman mythology, little gods don't deal well with mere mortals challenging them.

 

Thanks for helping me to get this through my thick head.

 

Since I need my pdoc, not just for meds as I have disability forms to be filled out periodically, I knew not to put him on the defensive and just said "you are probably right..."  Then I just continued to taper on my own.  He had me on this stuff for 25yrs and I think some of it was a cya thing.  He told me not to go online as "those people" were neurotic.  He does know that I continued to taper and laughed when he heard my current dose.  I do not care what he thinks.  I suppose I'm lucky that he didn't get angry and "fire" me.  I've only spoken with him a few times in the last year or so.  I don't care if he thinks my wd is anxiety coming back.  I don't worry about being cut off as he wants me on for life.  And I sure don't need his help.

[[be...]]

Gard I agree with your Daughter, just go in for your visits, say what you need to get your scripts, no one should talk to patients like that, but it is because you are bucking and they do not like to see patients have a voice, since you can not get another Doctor, just hold your head up high, and know that you are like all of us here we want off, and you will get off, and yes you will meet a Doctor that does not remember part of the oath they took "Do No Harm". Gard you are a good Soul, I had my ENT Doctor shout at me right where everyone, patients, staff could hear that "I am not going to give you any more scripts if you lose this one, I know you are not taking them, how many have you sold" I felt like s**t and the worse thing I was fearful of not getting the script until I got mad, I do not get money for drugs.......so I finally left and it was the best for me, he never had spoke to me like that before, I was stunned. So just do your visits get your scripts, and have a good cry and you will rise above this, and we are here for you. :smitten:

 

I think you hit the nail on the head there.

 

I can't believe what your ENT yelled at you! Yes, it is stunning when it comes out of the blue. How awful that we have to go into doctor's appointments prepared to be assaulted. What a system!

 

I'm so glad we have each other. And don't the doctors hate that! I emboldens people to stand up to them. I think med school teaches them they are little gods. As I recall from Greek and Roman mythology, little gods don't deal well with mere mortals challenging them.

 

Thanks for helping me to get this through my thick head.

 

Since I need my pdoc, not just for meds as I have disability forms to be filled out periodically, I knew not to put him on the defensive and just said "you are probably right..."  Then I just continued to taper on my own.  He had me on this stuff for 25yrs and I think some of it was a cya thing.  He told me not to go online as "those people" were neurotic.  He does know that I continued to taper and laughed when he heard my current dose.  I do not care what he thinks.  I suppose I'm lucky that he didn't get angry and "fire" me.  I've only spoken with him a few times in the last year or so.  I don't care if he thinks my wd is anxiety coming back.  I don't worry about being cut off as he wants me on for life.  And I sure don't need his help.

[glow=red,2,300]"AMEN"[/glow] I am in control now of my taper and other than having to sign a contract, that my GP was having a hard time talking about, I eased his mind and told him I understood, and he was relieved, he has been a constant source of Support and I am so glad I fired the other "Jerk". :thumbsup:

[[ga...]]

I agree with everyone else gard. My doctor just writes the scrips and told me when I started I will be the first patient to have ever tapered off under his care as no one has ever wanted to get off. He said he would learn from me how to get other patients off so I think many times we travel this road on our own with buddies to help us along the way.  --V

so sorry to hear Gard, -Yet another bump in the road to traverse, that needent be there...

Bounce over it, fill your script... Perhaps save the extra leftovers, parcel them up with a ribbon, and give them back post taper. With a note inside, saying... A return of your failure, Gard...

 

I also was cut off a med CT style at a dose that would have not been ummm, healthy... lucky I had others that Knew my history and were happy to pick up..  The one I chose is still with me, supperted me off the oxy, up down up down, at my own pace, and helped me get into the detox when i couldnt get below 100mg...

 

Now we are in a similar position to Valley, its all new to her, she knows and trusts me, and is soaking it all up... she is now BB aware, and supportive... She also said she was having problems tapering other patients..  she owns the practice and there are 8 Drs there now, so my point is that BB, Thus Us and our experiences have had a great flow on effect in this case....

So hold your head high, know that you are by far the better person, and that this particular Dr will never amount to half the person you are...

-Yes practice in the mirror... -yes -hoard your safety net stash, while needed...

Onwards and upwards...

 

Thanks, V. I am so encouraged that you are helping yet another doctor to become benzo-wise.

 

You have the best ideas ever CF! (And I am hoarding the extras just in case. Top secret! )

 

Feeling a bit better this morning. Thank you to everyone for reassuring me. Group hug!

 

Gard

[[ga...]]

 

 

Since I need my pdoc, not just for meds as I have disability forms to be filled out periodically, I knew not to put him on the defensive and just said "you are probably right..."  Then I just continued to taper on my own.  He had me on this stuff for 25yrs and I think some of it was a cya thing.  He told me not to go online as "those people" were neurotic.  He does know that I continued to taper and laughed when he heard my current dose.  I do not care what he thinks.  I suppose I'm lucky that he didn't get angry and "fire" me.  I've only spoken with him a few times in the last year or so.  I don't care if he thinks my wd is anxiety coming back.  I don't worry about being cut off as he wants me on for life.  And I sure don't need his help.

 

Mine said the same. Stay off Benzo Buddies and listen to her. She pointed to her face and drew circle in the air around it and said, "I am the doctor!"

 

You are lucky your doctor didn't fire you! Guess all of us who have pill pushers are in better shape because we at least don't have to worry about being cut off. I need to be more careful not to make my pill pusher angry! 

[[Al...]]

Every time I see my a Doctor, I have this same fear.

That she will tell me it is enough and will cut me off. This has not happened and she usually says keep doing what your doing.

She has however reduced the number of pills in my repeats to better match my current monthly usage so I am acutely aware she is following my progress. This in itself always reignites my fears that she may have her own time table in my mind for me as time passes.

I guess time will tell on that account but it may also just be my silly suspicious nature.

At any rate over the years as I have dropped in dosage I have been squirrelling away extra pills for just such a possibility. If I am in deed cut off I will have no problem in supplying myself until another more cooperative MD is found or perhaps by then I will have enough to continue to the end on my own without further RX.

 

Since falling prisoner to these pills I always dread any visit to my Doctor. A sort of returning to the scene of the crime as it were. That crime being given these dreadful pills to start with.

Well, as I write this I am in the grips of a really bad cold or flu,...cold I think since I have no temperature only the congestion, sinus distress and cough that one would expect if you had a cold.

 

Sleep which is always at a premium is no almost gone altogether as I am worse of course at night and am constantly blowing my nose or coughing up phlegm,..forgive my description here please.

 

Hope this runs its course soon as I am also 5 days into my last cut and awaiting the hell that comes to me with each cut around day 8-10.

Funny thing is I have not gotten a cold for many years now.

 

Sorry to whine so but you know how a man with a cold can be!   

 

Hope everyone else is doing well and finding some peace in this joint venture we are on.

 

ATU 🙏

[[Ca...]]

I am so lucky to have a doctor who is totally open and understanding. She's seen me through Lyme and Gabapentin withdrawal, and always believes that I feel what I feel. When I found this site and told her I wanted to do the V crossover and taper, she supported it - and actually believes that when I got below 2.5 ml I started to have wd symptoms. She is willing to prescribe for as long as it takes me to go down by about 2/100 ml a week. She actually said that we *should* all be advising each other since this is totally unknown territory to the medical profession. Sheesh where the heck have they all been??? And why not believe your patients??? It is infuriating and I pray nothing happens to my dear doc before I finish getting clear.

[[be...]]

ATU, yep I also have a big stash, just in case, since I had to sign a Contract the last visit, it has brought back the fact that I am so glad I am getting off of these horrible pills. My GP is understanding, but we all know that you never know when they may crack, but he was gracious about telling me about the Contract, of course my tummy was gripped with distaste, but I smiled and told him soothing things, he feels that I should stay on a maintained dose of 2mg for the rest of my Life and I just agree, but I am not going to, unless...... I received a letter this past Saturday from Doctors Office and had fear and did not want to open, it was my Copy of the Contract. OK.....

 

Either have your wife open a can of Chicken noodle soup or make a big pot and eat it all through the day, also have her clap on your back with cupped hands up and down area where your lungs are, it really helps to loosen the congestion it will not hurt, it sounds loud and just have her cup her hands and go for it. Also if your nose is stuffy take your thumb and index finger and press lightly on either side of your nose, right on the bone part. Take care and keep warm, drink plenty of fluids take care.  :smitten:

[[Al...]]

Begood,

 

Funny you should mention chicken soup. She had just gone out to get me some. I am totally besmeared right now with a Vicks rub and am in my warm bed and intend to stay here until I feel it lifting.

 

If the congestion gets worse I will asked her to do the back thing but she really hates taking care of me when I'll. she like me taking care of her of course but not the other way round!

 

I don't want to push my luck with her compassionate side. 

 

I'll be fine in time I know.

 

Thanks fir all your support.

 

 

ATU 🙏

[[an...]]

Hi Gard,

 

I agree.  Just be glad you have someone to write the scripts.  That is all you need at the moment.  Once you are well off this stuff, you can then let them know they were wrong all along. 

This doctor's only function is to write your prescriptions--this you do need until you are off the drugs. Other than that, just smile and say thank you.

 

I will write you later this evening.

Anne :smitten: