The Long Hold Support Group

[[be...]]

Just been skimming lately because knocked down by a huge neuropathy flare. Getting some windows!  Wishing windows to all!

 

Gard

 

I'm happy you are getting some Windows Gard! 

 

Mine seem to have left.... Or at least I get very occasional breaks , and I mean , rare ! Seems my nervous system just won't calm down  oy.....

 

Love to all , MiYu

Sorry MiYu, it is just do unfair what getting off of these benzo's do to our whole body, after reading many threads here, so many are suffering, but still not stabilizing and keep trying to get off and I think that makes the rest of the time worse, it takes a lot of time and much Patience, I do not want to sound like a broken record, but I hope you are not spending a lot time thinking of how slow this is going and that you are trying to distract. I keep you in my thoughts always. :smitten:

[[an...]]

Gardner,

 

So happy you are having some windows!! 

 

Anne  :smitten:

[[an...]]

Lynn,

 

I am very happy for you!!  I have no doubt you will do just fine when you finish your taper. 

 

Enjoy the day.

Anne  :smitten:

[[an...]]

Hi MiYu,

 

I am sorry your windows have closed, but they will become more frequent and longer.  The holds really do help.

 

Take good care,

Anne  :smitten:

[[an...]]

Sorry MiYu, it is just do unfair what getting off of these benzo's do to our whole body, after reading many threads here, so many are suffering, but still not stabilizing and keep trying to get off and I think that makes the rest of the time worse, it takes a lot of time and much Patience, I do not want to sound like a broken record, but I hope you are not spending a lot time thinking of how slow this is going and that you are trying to distract. I keep you in my thoughts always. :smitten:

 

Hi Begood,

I hope all is well with you.  You do not sound like a broken record.  We all need to be reminded about having patience and trying to distract.  Thank you for that.

 

Anne xoxox

[[ly...]]

Just been skimming lately because knocked down by a huge neuropathy flare. Getting some windows!  Wishing windows to all!

 

Gard

 

I'm happy you are getting some Windows Gard! 

 

Mine seem to have left.... Or at least I get very occasional breaks , and I mean , rare ! Seems my nervous system just won't calm down  oy.....

 

Love to all , MiYu

 

MiYu,

 

I agree with the others.  Your hold has not been that long.  I had to hold 8 months once.  Your brain is repairing and the windows will be back and get longer.

[[ly...]]

Lynn,

 

I am very happy for you!!  I have no doubt you will do just fine when you finish your taper. 

 

Enjoy the day.

Anne  :smitten:

 

Thank you Anne.  It's nice to see you.  I hope you and your husband are well.

[[ly...]]

Lynn : WOOP WOOP !!!!!

 

Thanks Shake!

[[be...]]

Annie, thanks for the post and reassurance. Hope you are doing well and Hubby also, and so glad to have you on tonight, I am doing well, will restart my taper on Feb 13, for ten days and then hold for a month or 2.

 

[[St...]]

Hang in there Miyu, I am right there with you.  get a tiny break and then slam, goes the window.  BUT, somehow, we are making it through each day and that is a good thing.  I am only 40 days into my hold and 10 days from an updose, so hoping and praying that things will improve....hang in there....hugs.....my little people don't work, and I don't want to change browsers, so I just have to send words instead of pictues....love, hugs and prayers.....Stella......(Hi to everybody else, you are all in my thoughts each day...many hugs!!

 

[[ga...]]

Hello. My the thread is flying. My benzo brain can't keep up! Glad to hear of windows opening; sad to hear of them closing. What a journey this is.

I think I may be getting longer windows, but the minute I say that the next day is awful so . 

 

Good night and hoping for a good tomorrow for all.

 

Gard

[[He...]]

Sorry to hear the up and down struggles MIYU and Gard. Hope those windows stay open longer for you both.  :therethere:

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Headaches are getting worse. They disappear for a day or two then come back really strong. Nothing seems to help! I'm out of town and don't have my hot pack or a microwave to heat it anyway. Maybe I'll try ice from the ice machine in the hotel but it will probably leak out of the plastic bag. But at this point I'll try a nothing. Even my fiorinal doesn't help!

 

Heath

[[...]]

You are all so sweet ,    :angel: :angel: :angel:     ( that's all of you) thank you for your support and the reminder that my hold has not been that long..... Damn it's so hard to hold this long ! Perhaps one of the biggest challenges, the plaguing doubt that it will work...even my dear friend who has no experience of benzos for herself says ' your body is just not ready yet ' . ( she has a husband on benzos , so has some knowledge). 

 

Sending my love to everyone and Stella , hang in there ..... We all need each other , and reminders that it will be ok again one day .....

 

Thinking of all of you ,

MiYu 

[[...]]

Does anyone else suffer from a kind of existential anxiety that feels like a hangover from a cut, even after other symptoms have apparently gone? I could best describe it as feeling fragile inside, although my physical strength seems to have returned to its normal (albeit hardly bionic) level.

 

I have to admit I am reluctant to resume my taper. I have waited so long to stabilise after cutting too fast nearly a year ago.

 

The feeling of inner fragility is part of that rteluctance.

 

Enigmaman.... I have that feeling of incredible inner fragility, I know exactly what you mean...like you could break. So delicate....I hope it passes for you , and for me , it's scary to think of tapering again when feeling so fragile.

[[St...]]

I'm not sure if anyone checked out my blog, but my mom died on January 3rd. I've been holding since last August when I crashed in a huge wave. Between that crash, the move back to America and now my mom's death I haven't had a moment to stop and think about when I would proceed or what would cause me to know to proceed. I know I've survived a bunch of life events, but I have no idea what to do next. I'm stuck at 2mg of Valium with no idea how to proceed. My diet's been a wreck since my mom died. Living out of a hotel in the middle of a crisis (my dad is fairly helpless, so that's part of what I've been busy with the last month) isn't the best thing for anxiety, diet or benzo withdrawal. I'm shocked that I haven't updosed, to be honest.

 

I'm becoming seriously concerned about glutamate damage the longer I hold. I'm becoming concerned because my memory seems to be getting worse. Cog fog seems to be getting worse. I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I'm worried that I should either updose or taper. I don't know if holding is doing me good right now physiologically. Help.

[[ho...]]

I'm not sure if anyone checked out my blog, but my mom died on January 3rd. I've been holding since last August when I crashed in a huge wave. Between that crash, the move back to America and now my mom's death I haven't had a moment to stop and think about when I would proceed or what would cause me to know to proceed. I know I've survived a bunch of life events, but I have no idea what to do next. I'm stuck at 2mg of Valium with no idea how to proceed. My diet's been a wreck since my mom died. Living out of a hotel in the middle of a crisis (my dad is fairly helpless, so that's part of what I've been busy with the last month) isn't the best thing for anxiety, diet or benzo withdrawal. I'm shocked that I haven't updosed, to be honest.

 

I'm becoming seriously concerned about glutamate damage the longer I hold. I'm becoming concerned because my memory seems to be getting worse. Cog fog seems to be getting worse. I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I'm worried that I should either updose or taper. I don't know if holding is doing me good right now physiologically. Help.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom I too have experienced some severe life stressors starting in December, one thing after another and very serious issues in my life. I'm in over a 3 month hold and I am noticing as well that my memory and cog fog have quadrupled in severity. I know in my heart is from the stress. I've never read anything about glutamate damage due to a long hold. I just know the stressors in my life, as serious as they have been and are are causing this increase in symptoms (esp  the memory and cog fog). I'm so sorry you are dealing with this right now. My condolences. Nicole

[[be...]]

Stephen, so sorry for your loss. I would not worry about holding, you have been through a lot of stress, I know right now many things have been going on in your life, the best thing for you to do IMO, is accept that you are going to hold for awhile and let it go, the other life stresses will ease in time and then you can start to taper again, sometimes we have just too much on our plates and the best thing is to just Breathe and go with the flow until it subsides, and it will, as we all at some time in our Lives have to go through really hard times. I do not believe that you will get any damage, only damage will be if cannot let go and relax some of your thoughts about benzo's. Best to you.

[[Ch...]]

Thanks valley Um. Interesting to hear your perspective.

 

Does anyone else suffer from a kind of existential anxiety that feels like a hangover from a cut, even after other symptoms have apparently gone? I could best describe it as feeling fragile inside, although my physical strength seems to have returned to its normal (albeit hardly bionic) level.

 

I have to admit I am reluctant to resume my taper. I have waited so long to stabilise after cutting too fast nearly a year ago.

 

The feeling of inner fragility is part of that rteluctance.

Hi Enigmaman.  I have bouts of chemical anxiety but they are pretty minor compared to the terrible sxs I had when cutting too fast.  I know the feeling of not wanting to resume the taper.  I get to where I'm feeling 100% at times and then start the process all over again lol. Cutting small and moving very slow has helped immensely.  I do get sxs now, but nothing debilitating.  I do think there are some sxs that may hang on even in a hold.  Depression and apathy were still with me after holding 6 months albeit at a lower level of intensity.  When I started to taper again, the depression lifted and apathy has improved as I reduce.  I know this is an individual journey and hope you can find what works for you.  Just thought I would give you my experience.  --V

[[Va...]]

Headaches are getting worse. They disappear for a day or two then come back really strong. Nothing seems to help! I'm out of town and don't have my hot pack or a microwave to heat it anyway. Maybe I'll try ice from the ice machine in the hotel but it will probably leak out of the plastic bag. But at this point I'll try a nothing. Even my fiorinal doesn't help!

 

Heath

I'm sorry for the headaches Heath. I know they can be brutal. Hopefully they will pass soon!  --V

[[Va...]]

I'm not sure if anyone checked out my blog, but my mom died on January 3rd. I've been holding since last August when I crashed in a huge wave. Between that crash, the move back to America and now my mom's death I haven't had a moment to stop and think about when I would proceed or what would cause me to know to proceed. I know I've survived a bunch of life events, but I have no idea what to do next. I'm stuck at 2mg of Valium with no idea how to proceed. My diet's been a wreck since my mom died. Living out of a hotel in the middle of a crisis (my dad is fairly helpless, so that's part of what I've been busy with the last month) isn't the best thing for anxiety, diet or benzo withdrawal. I'm shocked that I haven't updosed, to be honest.

 

I'm becoming seriously concerned about glutamate damage the longer I hold. I'm becoming concerned because my memory seems to be getting worse. Cog fog seems to be getting worse. I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I'm worried that I should either updose or taper. I don't know if holding is doing me good right now physiologically. Help.

Hi Stephen. I have been reading your blog. Sorry for the loss of your mother. It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life right now. BG is right. Just hold for now and deal with the stress. I think you would make the stress worse by worrying about a taper at this point. The time will come when stress is lower and you will be in a better position to continue.  --V

[[ga...]]

Heath, I'm sorry about your headaches. I hope they get better soon. My daughter gets them, too. Very hard to cope with.

 

Stephen, I'm so sorry about your loss. I agree that holding is best, at least for now. I am holding again myself because of symptoms and life stress. Ramped up symptoms can be from stress. I agree, though, that holding can be psychologically very hard. Try to just stay in today. I tell myself I am holding today and try not to project into the future. It's hard, but I get better as I practice. And it relieves some of the stress.

 

I'm sorry if in my cog fog I missed somebody. I'm skimming and forgetting a lot of what I read!

 

Hope everyone gets windows. If nothing else, today is one more day toward victory.

 

Gard

[[ly...]]

 

 

Stephen,

 

I am very sorry for your loss and agree with everyone that you should shelve your taper until you feel well.  The way I thought about it when I held 8 months was that I had made tremendous progress and suffered alot and it was time to take a break, a good long break.  I didn't know the concept of "hold" because I wasn't here on BB.  I didn't even discuss the whole thing with my pdoc.  I just ended the taper and decided that I would revisit it at some later time - when I felt well and was ready.  I just took charge of it.  No thought of a calendar.  No longer tapering.  Period.

[[Al...]]

Stephan,

 

I think the advise your getting here is good advise. Going through these life crisise can realy rev up our symptoms even in a long hold.

Personally a cut now can only make things worse IMO. An updose will probably not do much good either. I think that you just have to try to find some calm place in your mind and let these events drift away for a period. Then you will be in a better frame of mind to make decisions on cutting or not.

You have come a long way and you deserve some rest right now.

 

Give it some time and try to find some process that allows you to quiet your thoughts and just be in the moment and live calm.

 

Peace & Healing

 

ATU

[[He...]]

Stephen,

I m so so sorry for the loss of your mother. I have experienced the loss of my mom and I know how difficult it is. I hope you can be strong through your grief, and things will get easier in time.

 

I don't really have much to add to the previous replies you got from ValleyUm and Begood. I agree that it's probably best to keep things as they are , wait unil your stressors diminish, and then you can start to taper again.

 

I hope things begin to look up for you soon,

 

Heath (((hugs)))