The Long Hold Support Group

[[Be...]]

Benniejets-

 

So you felt withdrawal symptoms when compounding?  I tried compounding and it made me feel sick as well.  How long should I give it a chance to work or stabilize on compounding?

 

Was it easier to taper on compounding...Id like to do a daily micro taper, is that possible with compounding?

 

Compounding? No, I microtapered by making dry cuts of .001 g using a scale. See my sig. I started MT after my docs hideous 20% cuts per week. Dry cutting MT totally worked for me.

 

No need for compounding pharmacy if you weigh your own amounts, or do liquid titration. Only reason, if you need a different filler. After a few friends had serious probs with compounding pharmacies, I would avoid if possible.

[[Va...]]

Loving this Valley 

 

"The turtles always win! --V"

 

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

 

 

                   

I had to put in a plug for "us turtles". 

[[ga...]]

Loving this Valley 

 

"The turtles always win! --V"

 

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

 

 

                   

 

:thumbsup:

[[Da...]]

What a great group!  I was looking for women who had PMS problems during withdrawal.  My menstraul cycles is HORRIBLE during withdrawal...my symptoms spike and it's bad for almost two weeks.

 

I noticed before my taper my menstraul cycle was getting more intolerable, but since my taper, it's been off the roof!  I've read of others worse off, so I can only imagine how bad it is for others!

 

Let's hang in there and tell ourselves it's part of healing and we will "get better"!

 

Rach

 

I have always had extreme period problems/PMS, I have had this problem and all it's sxs to the extreme since puberty, and it is one of the original catalysts for my issues with Opiates and Benzos. Mine starts about two weeks before my period and I get a range of things including hot flushes, nausea and 'pregnancy like' sxs, sore throat, blocked sinuses, flu-like sxs, crying spells over nothing, a 'delirious feeling' like one may get with a fever, hard to explain and mainly at night, severe pelvic pain, fainting spells, POTS type sxs, feeling weak/exhausted, lethargy and listlessness, headaches, losing my voice, easily angered/very short temper, insomnia etc. I know these things are not caused by Benzo WD because for one I had them ALL before, as I said since puberty, and they all (apart from the pain, weak/exhausted feelings and faint feeling) go away once my now VERY heavy flow begins. Very unpleasant and because we've decided we're not having kids, I'd be happy to say goodbye to that part of my body tomorrow, no joke. This probably sounds a tad selfish, but I just wish I could give it all to someone who wants to conceive but can't, minus the PMS lol. I think mine verges on PMDD because of the severity.

 

I've hardly had any psychological Benzo WD sxs. I had a few when I was tapering and in very early acute like a few strange hallucinations and some depression but I think they were the tail end of my severe paradoxical side effects because they left pretty quickly after I jumped. My own natural body chemistry however is a totally different ball game. I seem to be totally intolerant to my own hormones.  I tried two pills a few years back but had severe reactions to both, it was horrible. I can't have any kind of hormonal BC as one of the side effects for me was severe lower leg pain, easily level 10, like a really bad charlie horse. My Dr at the time said I shouldn't use any hormonal BC again because of the blood clot risk. I'm not even a smoker or overweight, but this is what this stuff did to me. I also feel it somehow 'altered' my hormone balance, making my PMS sxs worse.

 

Benzo WD 'teams up' with my period cycle now for an all out torture session each month. One of my worst Benzo WD sxs is inner vibrating, and at period time, something very, very strange and disturbing happens. This sensation 'shifts' from being central, all through my body (really bad in my legs) and focusses entirely on my lower abdomen. It feels as if my pelvic organs are full of angry bees with supercharged cattle prods. I am 'on' my period right now (I accurately predicted it yesterday due to this awful sensation), and this is exactly what I am feeling right now. I feel totally depleted of life, no energy, awful lethargy (another one of my main Benzo WD sxs too), ache all over, have electric shocks zapping through my already very, very painful pelvic area and really bad 'period pain'. I woke myself up loads last night whimpering because it hurt so damn much.

 

Benzo WD has me already pretty much sofa-ridden, so I'm not sure how my body's going to take this month's period beating. I certainly know what PMS is like though, and I'd rather feel like this than have it. I am pretty calm and in quite a good mood today. Feels strange, once my period starts, I have tons of mental energy, feel really good, almost as if I've been shot up with some kind of drug. It feels 'chemical'. I have no physical energy to do much apart from lay down, be bored, doze, sleep, feel even more bored, ponder over all the exciting things I'd be doing if I was physically able to, and repeat, heh. The sxs of PMS are very similar to Benzo WD, so it only makes sense that the two will flare each other up. As I said my periods were very bad before WD, but now it's just got worse, specially the pain, that's unreal now. I am almost certain that if it goes unresolved, as soon as I'm off the Subutex, I will go back to using Codeine because it was the only thing that reduced it for a few hours. Now I am just supposed to suffer apparently. That addiction agency are so intrusive I have to write down ANY medications I use (none, I refuse to use any meds because of their over sensitive tests), and I can't even have poppy seeds because they give readings for Opiates, and if that keeps happening, I'll be forced to go to the pharmacy every day for the Subutex again, something I could NOT do right now. I now go on Tuesday and Thursday, and although it's only a 15 minute walk there, it takes me two hours no fail. I could NOT do this again in this condition.

 

No pain relievers touch it anyway, so I don't want to risk putting stuff into my body if I really don't need to, specially as it's about as effective as a tictac when it comes to stopping this pain.

 

I'm really frustrated, it feels like I have a vampire attached to my neck draining all my energy 24/7. I would love to go out today and actually do something worthwhile, but I know that's not going to happen, I'll probably be back asleep in the next hour or so. Heh.

[[Be...]]

Dapple, I can relate.

 

Since your period problems started in puberty, has any doctor ever discussed endometriosis with you? Your symptoms sound like more than PMDD or even just withdrawal.

[[no...]]

Hi all  as of now I am, 7 Weeks, 5 Days, 23 Hours, 59 Minutes and 59 Seconds into my long hold after up-dosing form 3.54mg to 5mg. The last time I was at 5mg was January 2015, 2 years ago, and continued to struggle and get markedly worse as I tried to cut down over the last two years until I had to updose for the sake of my survival things had gotten that bad. I only wish I had done it two years ago instead of getting too fearful after listening to too many different opinions rather than my own body and believing all the bad stuff I was being warned about or reading about was/would happen to me. 

 

 

Anyway before I end up going on a long winded ramble about everything NOT to do with what I wanted to post about hoping it may help anyone else that's struggling or fearful of trying something else, the last time I was at 5mg was January 2105 after going CT, off Temazepam, 40mg various antidepressants and lots of different strong opiate pain killers. I was CT'd off 10mg of Diazepam from my many years of a prescribed dose of  20mg daily Diazepam while in severe unbeknown tolerance withdrwal on my prescribed dose. Anyway its a very long story and I'm rambling again away from the point of this post I want to share.   

 

 

 

Today for the first time in a long time I had short spells of feeling really good, it helps me to be hopeful about stabilising amongst a lot of chemical induced doubt and disbelief about anything ever being good , normal or feeling well and free ever again. Feeling the emotion of enjoyment was a really good sign although I’ve felt ''positive in thought'' only,  that I should feel I’ve done good by doing whatever I can when I can I’ve not felt good or enjoyment about it physically or emotionally for so long now. I have suffered  from Anhedonia (the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable) for so long I'd forgotten that feeling, emotion actually existed, even taking my rubbish to the bin felt enjoyable and a real achievement. 

 

 

And yesterday was a really hell day I struggled to breathe through the pain and hold on, after a seriously bad few months ending up this  week that all in all I though was going to break me, but look at that. What a turn around I actually felt joyful; although I had symptoms in that moment nothing mattered I was happy and life felt good, I wasn't just existing I was alive and it felt magnificent. So take heart, yes its hell, yes its unbelievable that there will ever be anything positive ever again and this is forever but its not , even with my updose my body is healing and retuning to homoeostasis. 

 

 

It just takes time and acceptance the best you can and waiting for the bad stuff to pass even though it may return to heal some more time and time again until it does. I have not ''kindled''  I do not believe in ''tolerance withdrwal'' once you begin tapering and hold for along time at a lower dose, its just plain withdrawal playing out. And I certainly have not gone backwards by up-dosing to where I was 2 years ago, I have given myself back a better chance of surviving and resuming my taper from a better place than I had before the updose.

 

 

Because it was two year ago I cut way to fast down to 5mg and my poor body been struggling to play catch up and you can't stabilise a building on an unstable foundation its impossible, my hold continues until my foundations is in place properly. Rebuilding continues without any set time limit, never fear trying again and again if you must, and holding as long as you need and want to its your, body, life, and your  call 

 

 

 

 

Love Nova xxxx  :smitten:

[[Va...]]

Hi all  as of now I am, 7 Weeks, 5 Days, 23 Hours, 59 Minutes and 59 Seconds into my long hold after up-dosing form 3.54mg to 5mg. The last time I was at 5mg was January 2015, 2 years ago, and continued to struggle and get markedly worse as I tried to cut down over the last two years until I had to updose for the sake of my survival things had gotten that bad. I only wish I had done it two years ago instead of getting too fearful after listening to too many different opinions rather than my own body and believing all the bad stuff I was being warned about or reading about was/would happen to me. 

 

 

Anyway before I end up going on a long winded ramble about everything NOT to do with what I wanted to post about hoping it may help anyone else that's struggling or fearful of trying something else, the last time I was at 5mg was January 2105 after going CT, off Temazepam, 40mg various antidepressants and lots of different strong opiate pain killers. I was CT'd off 10mg of Diazepam from my many years of a prescribed dose of  20mg daily Diazepam while in severe unbeknown tolerance withdrwal on my prescribed dose. Anyway its a very long story and I'm rambling again away from the point of this post I want to share.   

 

 

 

Today for the first time in a long time I had short spells of feeling really good, it helps me to be hopeful about stabilising amongst a lot of chemical induced doubt and disbelief about anything ever being good , normal or feeling well and free ever again. Feeling the emotion of enjoyment was a really good sign although I’ve felt ''positive in thought'' only,  that I should feel I’ve done good by doing whatever I can when I can I’ve not felt good or enjoyment about it physically or emotionally for so long now. I have suffered  from Anhedonia (the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable) for so long I'd forgotten that feeling, emotion actually existed, even taking my rubbish to the bin felt enjoyable and a real achievement. 

 

 

And yesterday was a really hell day I struggled to breathe through the pain and hold on, after a seriously bad few months ending up this  week that all in all I though was going to break me, but look at that. What a turn around I actually felt joyful; although I had symptoms in that moment nothing mattered I was happy and life felt good, I wasn't just existing I was alive and it felt magnificent. So take heart, yes its hell, yes its unbelievable that there will ever be anything positive ever again and this is forever but its not , even with my updose my body is healing and retuning to homoeostasis. 

 

 

It just takes time and acceptance the best you can and waiting for the bad stuff to pass even though it may return to heal some more time and time again until it does. I have not ''kindled''  I do not believe in ''tolerance withdrwal'' once you begin tapering and hold for along time at a lower dose, its just plain withdrawal playing out. And I certainly have not gone backwards by up-dosing to where I was 2 years ago, I have given myself back a better chance of surviving and resuming my taper from a better place than I had before the updose.

 

 

Because it was two year ago I cut way to fast down to 5mg and my poor body been struggling to play catch up and you can't stabilise a building on an unstable foundation its impossible, my hold continues until my foundations is in place properly. Rebuilding continues without any set time limit, never fear trying again and again if you must, and holding as long as you need and want to its your, body, life, and your  call 

 

 

 

 

Love Nova xxxx  :smitten:

Well said nova! So glad you are feeling better. 

[[ly...]]

 

Hey Nova!  Happy to hear of the improvements.  It's unfortunate that there is so much here that serves to scare and cause people to doubt good instinct.  People come across as "knowing" things that really can't be known.  It's a variable and individual journey and we each have to find, through some trial and error, what works.

 

I often think of you.  I hope things continue to get better.

[[be...]]

"Sista", on this icy deary morning across the Sea, I am so happy for you, and know that with your strong will and convictions, you are going to reach your Recovery, your Journey has been long and hard, but you refuse to wallow in regret or stay down, I have always known you were a very strong person and devoted to helping others, you my Friend have made my day.

[[no...]]

Hi all  as of now I am, 7 Weeks, 5 Days, 23 Hours, 59 Minutes and 59 Seconds into my long hold after up-dosing form 3.54mg to 5mg. The last time I was at 5mg was January 2015, 2 years ago, and continued to struggle and get markedly worse as I tried to cut down over the last two years until I had to updose for the sake of my survival things had gotten that bad. I only wish I had done it two years ago instead of getting too fearful after listening to too many different opinions rather than my own body and believing all the bad stuff I was being warned about or reading about was/would happen to me. 

 

 

Anyway before I end up going on a long winded ramble about everything NOT to do with what I wanted to post about hoping it may help anyone else that's struggling or fearful of trying something else, the last time I was at 5mg was January 2105 after going CT, off Temazepam, 40mg various antidepressants and lots of different strong opiate pain killers. I was CT'd off 10mg of Diazepam from my many years of a prescribed dose of  20mg daily Diazepam while in severe unbeknown tolerance withdrwal on my prescribed dose. Anyway its a very long story and I'm rambling again away from the point of this post I want to share.   

 

 

 

Today for the first time in a long time I had short spells of feeling really good, it helps me to be hopeful about stabilising amongst a lot of chemical induced doubt and disbelief about anything ever being good , normal or feeling well and free ever again. Feeling the emotion of enjoyment was a really good sign although I’ve felt ''positive in thought'' only,  that I should feel I’ve done good by doing whatever I can when I can I’ve not felt good or enjoyment about it physically or emotionally for so long now. I have suffered  from Anhedonia (the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable) for so long I'd forgotten that feeling, emotion actually existed, even taking my rubbish to the bin felt enjoyable and a real achievement. 

 

 

And yesterday was a really hell day I struggled to breathe through the pain and hold on, after a seriously bad few months ending up this  week that all in all I though was going to break me, but look at that. What a turn around I actually felt joyful; although I had symptoms in that moment nothing mattered I was happy and life felt good, I wasn't just existing I was alive and it felt magnificent. So take heart, yes its hell, yes its unbelievable that there will ever be anything positive ever again and this is forever but its not , even with my updose my body is healing and retuning to homoeostasis. 

 

 

It just takes time and acceptance the best you can and waiting for the bad stuff to pass even though it may return to heal some more time and time again until it does. I have not ''kindled''  I do not believe in ''tolerance withdrwal'' once you begin tapering and hold for along time at a lower dose, its just plain withdrawal playing out. And I certainly have not gone backwards by up-dosing to where I was 2 years ago, I have given myself back a better chance of surviving and resuming my taper from a better place than I had before the updose.

 

 

Because it was two year ago I cut way to fast down to 5mg and my poor body been struggling to play catch up and you can't stabilise a building on an unstable foundation its impossible, my hold continues until my foundations is in place properly. Rebuilding continues without any set time limit, never fear trying again and again if you must, and holding as long as you need and want to its your, body, life, and your  call 

 

 

 

 

Love Nova xxxx  :smitten:

Well said nova! So glad you are feeling better. 

 

"Sista", on this icy deary morning across the Sea, I am so happy for you, and know that with your strong will and convictions, you are going to reach your Recovery, your Journey has been long and hard, but you refuse to wallow in regret or stay down, I have always known you were a very strong person and devoted to helping others, you my Friend have made my day.

 

Hey Nova!  Happy to hear of the improvements.  It's unfortunate that there is so much here that serves to scare and cause people to doubt good instinct.  People come across as "knowing" things that really can't be known.  It's a variable and individual journey and we each have to find, through some trial and error, what works.

 

I often think of you.  I hope things continue to get better.

 

 

 

 

Thanks very much guys :hug: Or should I say guy and girls 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[ga...]]

Hi all  as of now I am, 7 Weeks, 5 Days, 23 Hours, 59 Minutes and 59 Seconds into my long hold after up-dosing form 3.54mg to 5mg. ...

 

Love Nova xxxx  :smitten:

But who's counting, right?

[[de...]]

Hi all  as of now I am, 7 Weeks, 5 Days, 23 Hours, 59 Minutes and 59 Seconds into my long hold after up-dosing form 3.54mg to 5mg. The last time I was at 5mg was January 2015, 2 years ago, and continued to struggle and get markedly worse as I tried to cut down over the last two years until I had to updose for the sake of my survival things had gotten that bad. I only wish I had done it two years ago instead of getting too fearful after listening to too many different opinions rather than my own body and believing all the bad stuff I was being warned about or reading about was/would happen to me. 

 

 

Anyway before I end up going on a long winded ramble about everything NOT to do with what I wanted to post about hoping it may help anyone else that's struggling or fearful of trying something else, the last time I was at 5mg was January 2105 after going CT, off Temazepam, 40mg various antidepressants and lots of different strong opiate pain killers. I was CT'd off 10mg of Diazepam from my many years of a prescribed dose of  20mg daily Diazepam while in severe unbeknown tolerance withdrwal on my prescribed dose. Anyway its a very long story and I'm rambling again away from the point of this post I want to share.   

 

 

 

Today for the first time in a long time I had short spells of feeling really good, it helps me to be hopeful about stabilising amongst a lot of chemical induced doubt and disbelief about anything ever being good , normal or feeling well and free ever again. Feeling the emotion of enjoyment was a really good sign although I’ve felt ''positive in thought'' only,  that I should feel I’ve done good by doing whatever I can when I can I’ve not felt good or enjoyment about it physically or emotionally for so long now. I have suffered  from Anhedonia (the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable) for so long I'd forgotten that feeling, emotion actually existed, even taking my rubbish to the bin felt enjoyable and a real achievement. 

 

 

And yesterday was a really hell day I struggled to breathe through the pain and hold on, after a seriously bad few months ending up this  week that all in all I though was going to break me, but look at that. What a turn around I actually felt joyful; although I had symptoms in that moment nothing mattered I was happy and life felt good, I wasn't just existing I was alive and it felt magnificent. So take heart, yes its hell, yes its unbelievable that there will ever be anything positive ever again and this is forever but its not , even with my updose my body is healing and retuning to homoeostasis. 

 

 

It just takes time and acceptance the best you can and waiting for the bad stuff to pass even though it may return to heal some more time and time again until it does. I have not ''kindled''  I do not believe in ''tolerance withdrwal'' once you begin tapering and hold for along time at a lower dose, its just plain withdrawal playing out. And I certainly have not gone backwards by up-dosing to where I was 2 years ago, I have given myself back a better chance of surviving and resuming my taper from a better place than I had before the updose.

 

 

Because it was two year ago I cut way to fast down to 5mg and my poor body been struggling to play catch up and you can't stabilise a building on an unstable foundation its impossible, my hold continues until my foundations is in place properly. Rebuilding continues without any set time limit, never fear trying again and again if you must, and holding as long as you need and want to its your, body, life, and your  call 

 

 

 

 

Love Nova xxxx  :smitten:

 

 

 

Hi Nova

 

so good to see you

 

and thanks so much for posting this..i have been going back and forth about updosing to where i was when i started which will be 3 yrs in june..i was on 4mgs of klonopin for 33 yrs and got the bright idea myself to get off of it..not sure why guess i was just tired of taking a pill, dont drink nor take anything else so thought why this...did some reading and found BB..

 

then the journey began i was doing cut and hold..and got to 1.75 after 1.5 yrs..and then got real sick and couldnt swallow..went from 133 lbs to 97lbs..was malnourished and so weak..i had been holding since last april but still wasnt pulling out..

then i had an SVT (super ventricular tachycardia ) episode that landed me in the hospital for them to make sure what had happened with my heart...i had lost my mom and son the summer before within 9 days of each other and also was sick from tapering...

 

had switched to micro dry tapering not long after i started..so i kept holding as of july when i came out of the hospital..i have had to use a wheelchair when i go to the store or anywhere cause i get heart palps and i am weak..i dont drive anymore my eyes give me alot of probems also..

 

up until the time this all happened when i got so low..i worked auctions and bought and resold at them running about 60 hrs a week and thought nothing of it until i just got to low and i guess my body said nope not happening..

 

i had updosed to 2.75 in march and have held there since then..but am not pulling out..i have gotten to where i can swallow some real foods and i have gained back to 115 but still so weak and have no life..

 

so i had been on the fence cause my doc is the best..and he listens to me..and he said after the holidays we would decide to do something cause this holdimg just wasnt getting any better it seemed...he had wanted me to hold longer than a month after i lost my mom and son cause he said i didnt need to put my mind through anything else but i was sure i could do it..i was wrong..

 

and now i want to go back to 4mgs of k and see if i can get the life back i had with my husband and family..they are supportive but life is passing me by..i dont care if i had to stay on the med at that amount for the rest of my life cause i had a life or if i could get real stable like you said a real solid foundation i would drop a bit every now and then but not a true cut and hold or micro taper..

 

people have scared me about kindling and one person even told me that going back up could cause horrendous health things..and that scared me cause i have health phobias..

 

so if you could give me some more positives about this or if you know of anyone or if anyone on this thread has updosed on k..and it pulled them out i would love to hear about it.

 

thanks again..it was so good to see a post that was positive about updosing..

 

did you do it all at once or a little at a time..i dont know what to do???

 

big hugs to you

 

deep

[[no...]]

Hi Deep,  I did it all one time and for you to updose to 4mg will be a slightly lower dose than mine was to get back to 5mg , then you just need to patiently wait, don't worry about nothing else we're both going back more than a year and its nothing to worry about we have to do what we have to do what's right for our selves and you need to try something sweetie don't let fear stop you trying. 

 

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[de...]]

Hi Deep,  I did it all one time and for you to updose to 4mg will be a slightly lower dose than mine was to get back to 5mg , then you just need to patiently wait, don't worry about nothing else we're both going back more than a year and its nothing to worry about we have to do what we have to do what's right for our selves and you need to try something sweetie don't let fear stop you trying. 

 

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

 

Nova

 

thanks for getting back to me so quickly ...and for the positie post..i really need all the help to get positive about this as i can..

 

but are you on valium?? cause for me to updose from 2.75 to 4mgs of k which would be 1.25mgs wouldnt that be the equal to 25mgs of valium?  cause i thought the conversion is 1mg of k equals 20mgs of v??

 

i guess cause that seems like so much to me but not sure why i am scared cause thats how much i took for so long..

 

and you are so right we have to do whatever it takes to save ourselves and i guess i have to try to find a way to reach way down  inside and say this will work and wont hurt me..

 

thanks again you are so nice <3 and a real warrior..as is everyone going through all of this

 

 

deep

[[Da...]]

Dapple, I can relate.

 

Since your period problems started in puberty, has any doctor ever discussed endometriosis with you? Your symptoms sound like more than PMDD or even just withdrawal.

 

Not yet, although I've had several tests since puberty which showed nothing up. It's not just WD because  I've had all these sxs related to it since forever, but yeah, WD made it all 100 times worse. Can't move move today thanks to it. Some WD sxs change or add to it too, like the bizarre 'vibrating insides' thing and how my inner vibrating shifts to that area and reduces in the rest of my body at period time, then changes back after. This is like torture.

[[He...]]

Nova,

Here you are again inspiring me. You gave me so much hope a few months ago and now renewed hope and courage again. I am so greatful to all the buddies who tAke the time to tell those of us who are either struggling or just plain New to tapering, about your similar struggles and the ways you deal with them.

I cut .02mg at the end of Nov and just cut another  .02 mg

I am experiencing minimal sxs but I think I am in need of a six week hold now.

The main thing is, I sometimes let the fact that I am going to the psch dr. in about three weeks,influence the time I make another cut in my taper. I sometimes cut before my body tells me it's ok, just so my psych dr. doesn't tell me I'm not going fast enough.

I know I must listen to my body and not let the psych dr. Influence me to go faster.

 

Your last post put that mind set into my head once more.

I just have to keep reminding myself to go slow or else I am going to mess up everything I have done so far.

 

Thanks again for your wonderful post. I am sorry to hear that your struggles continue but glad things are improving.

I hope your taper smooths out more and more and you will have many good days real soon.

 

Heath

[[Sh...]]

Nova...I have also been thinking about updosing to a level where I feel healthy and just staying there. Nova if you are now stabilising after going back to your starting dose that's awesome. 90% of people on here just say don't do it because you'll lose everything you've done and it might not work. But there's only so much insanity one can take. I'm 7 months off and having been thinking about going back on and who cares if I have to take a pill the rest of my life if it means my mind is normal again. But then everyone comes in and says 'you'll hit tolerance soon if you go back on'

[[Be...]]

Dapple, I can relate.

 

Since your period problems started in puberty, has any doctor ever discussed endometriosis with you? Your symptoms sound like more than PMDD or even just withdrawal.

 

Not yet, although I've had several tests since puberty which showed nothing up. It's not just WD because  I've had all these sxs related to it since forever, but yeah, WD made it all 100 times worse. Can't move move today thanks to it. Some WD sxs change or add to it too, like the bizarre 'vibrating insides' thing and how my inner vibrating shifts to that area and reduces in the rest of my body at period time, then changes back after. This is like torture.

 

I'm on day 4. same experience....  :'(

[[Kg...]]

Shamo and Deep: Just so you know the other side:

 

I was someone who decided that the taper was just intolerable to me - I was done forever with tapering. Like you Deep I was fine on the 1mg of Klonopin I had taken for years and never had any s/x until I started tapering. It was only tapering that sent me into disaster. (Why I started tapering is not relevant but it did not have to do with any s/x.)    After suffering horribly with my taper I decided to give up.  I was done and wanted my life make.  So I did updose - I went from my 1 mg dose to 1.35 mg of K and did it right away all at once like Nova said. I felt terrific. Within one day I was fine and all of my s/x were gone. I was functioning at 100%. I was on K for life. Well the Klonopin had other plans for me - and remember I had been on it for years and years before this with no issues at all.  So about 2 1/2 months out give or take (I can't remember it was such a horror) I woke up one morning and I felt awful - even beyond awful.  I had s/x the likes of which I had never experienced before. It was like being run over by a bulldozer.  I could barely function, I could hardly get out of bed. It did NOT go away.  At this point in consultation with my doctor we realized I had 2 choices - I either could keep going up on my dose or I could get off.  I did not want to spend my life living on a drug that could set off living in hell.  I knew that I had to choose the long, hard path of getting off of the benzo.  Was it hard, well yes it was - am I thankful I am done, yes I am. I for one will never let a benzo pass my lips again. 

 

But with all this being said:  No one, that is no one here or anywhere else,  knows what will happen to you if you go  back up on your dose or back on a benzo once you have been off.  There are no double blind studies, there is no real medical research -  there are only individual accounts by those of us who have been where you now. My experience may be very different from yours.  Those who  successfully up dosed and were fine for years w/o any s/x may also be very different from you.  What I suggest you both do is discuss this with the people who know you best, your family and close friends - see what they say and then discuss it with a benzo wise physician. Then and only then make your decision.  It is your life and only you can decide what is best for you.  Whatever your decision is all we can do is support you. 

[[no...]]

Nova...I have also been thinking about updosing to a level where I feel healthy and just staying there. Nova if you are now stabilising after going back to your starting dose that's awesome. 90% of people on here just say don't do it because you'll lose everything you've done and it might not work. But there's only so much insanity one can take. I'm 7 months off and having been thinking about going back on and who cares if I have to take a pill the rest of my life if it means my mind is normal again. But then everyone comes in and says 'you'll hit tolerance soon if you go back on'

Hi Shamo  I'm only at 1/4 of my original  full dose of Diazepam, my start  dose was 20mg 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[Da...]]

This withdrawal lark makes pretty much every pre existing condition much worse, that's like a symptom in it's own right. It's like if you had hormonal issues before Benzos, like I had all the above period issues since puberty, then Benzos will make it much worse. The main parts of this one Benzos made worse for me are the pain, never felt anything like it before, it's quite something else. The exhausted/weak feeling and the super heavy flow. I am so sick today I can barely even sit up, let alone stand up and walk. I feel completely drained physically, but I have a lot of mental energy, my brain wants to go out catching Pokemon in Pokemon Go lol, but my body says 'nope, if you move, I'm going to torture you', heh.

 

The physical period issues got worse while I was still on Benzos, much worse. My cycles were chaotic all through the time I was using them and through tapering. This regularity issue has improved since I jumped. Did anyone else here get extremely irregular periods on Benzos?.

 

I think WD can make almost ANY pre existing condition worse, Benzos themselves can also do this. People who are given them 'off label' for certain physical issues such as IBS, often notice a decline in the very condition the Benzos were supposed to help. With what I now know about Benzos, the only way to stop this awful condition known among us as 'withdrawal' is to ban Benzo prescribing outside of the acute hospital inpatient setting. Benzos should be used in severe 'one off' cases such as for very agitated hospital patients, that's it.

[[no...]]

Hi all  as of now I am, 7 Weeks, 5 Days, 23 Hours, 59 Minutes and 59 Seconds into my long hold after up-dosing form 3.54mg to 5mg. ...

 

Love Nova xxxx  :smitten:

But who's counting, right?

:laugh: Its so precise as I use a 'Days to weeks' calculator as I keep a records/a journal, and I'd be lost about the time factor without it.  I just use it as a tool along with my journal, and some other records I keep so I can see where there's any pattern ( not really sure ) /improvement/ etc. But all in all its such a roller coaster  but I have noted looking over the records I keep I have had a lot more what I call 'okay days' which means although I'm symptomatic I'm able to function, and haven't had to spend the day laying down all days as opposed to 'rough days', when I have no choice but to lay down breathe and wait for it to pass

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[de...]]

Shamo and Deep: Just so you know the other side:

 

I was someone who decided that the taper was just intolerable to me - I was done forever with tapering. Like you Deep I was fine on the 1mg of Klonopin I had taken for years and never had any s/x until I started tapering. It was only tapering that sent me into disaster. (Why I started tapering is not relevant but it did not have to do with any s/x.)    After suffering horribly with my taper I decided to give up.  I was done and wanted my life make.  So I did updose - I went from my 1 mg dose to 1.35 mg of K and did it right away all at once like Nova said. I felt terrific. Within one day I was fine and all of my s/x were gone. I was functioning at 100%. I was on K for life. Well the Klonopin had other plans for me - and remember I had been on it for years and years before this with no issues at all.  So about 2 1/2 months out give or take (I can't remember it was such a horror) I woke up one morning and I felt awful - even beyond awful.  I had s/x the likes of which I had never experienced before. It was like being run over by a bulldozer.  I could barely function, I could hardly get out of bed. It did NOT go away.  At this point in consultation with my doctor we realized I had 2 choices - I either could keep going up on my dose or I could get off.  I did not want to spend my life living on a drug that could set off living in hell.  I knew that I had to choose the long, hard path of getting off of the benzo.  Was it hard, well yes it was - am I thankful I am done, yes I am. I for one will never let a benzo pass my lips again. 

 

But with all this being said:  No one, that is no one here or anywhere else,  knows what will happen to you if you go  back up on your dose or back on a benzo once you have been off.  There are no double blind studies, there is no real medical research -  there are only individual accounts by those of us who have been where you now. My experience may be very different from yours.  Those who  successfully up dosed and were fine for years w/o any s/x may also be very different from you.  What I suggest you both do is discuss this with the people who know you best, your family and close friends - see what they say and then discuss it with a benzo wise physician. Then and only then make your decision.  It is your life and only you can decide what is best for you.  Whatever your decision is all we can do is support you.

 

Kgirl..so good to see you and thanks for post..

 

but it says you were on 1mg of k for yrs..and you tried a couple different things that didnt work like switching to x and then back again is that right?

 

but it says you updoses to 1.35mgs of k wasnt that more than you had been on for all those yrs ? and i have not tried any other meds to try and help nor cross to anything else or add anything else as my doc says you can really run into trouble doing that cause you dont know what those meds will do as you have never been on them..so switching to v or x is not an option for me..

 

i have talked this over at length with not only my husband but also my best friend of over 20 something  yrs that lives with us and takes care of me..like i cant even take a shower by myself...she helps me dress and goes with me to all my doc appts...she knows what i was like on the 4mgs and she saw me go down hill with the tapering..and i went slow...001gms every other day and then c/c/h/h/h and it just got worse..so i tried a long hold..found this thread..

 

after the swallowing and losing the weight i thought holding my body would get better but i just kept getting worse..so now am in a wheel chair cant walk a store and basically am useless i need my life back and if it bites me when i updose then i dont know what i will do then but my son always says you dont know how any situation will turn out unless you try it..

 

and i dont think that all this interdose withdrawals, kindling an everything is always true cause i was on this dose for so many yrs...i sure wish i would have just left well enough alone and i would not be like this now..and since this would be the first time i go back then maybe i will have it easier the next time around if i have to do it..

 

 

and why did your doc updose you higher then the 1mg you were on for so long?

 

and if i thought 3mg which would be a .25mg updose would help i would just do that...

 

and how low were you in your taper from 1mg before you updosed?

 

thanks again..and sorry for so many questions just needing to know a bit more

 

 

deep

 

I am happy you are free now and maybe i am just not as strong as you..you are very brave ..i feel like this is my only hope..cant just keep being like this..

 

 

[[Kg...]]

Deep: To answer your questions. My cross over to valium and back to K was done AFTER I had updosed and I knew I had to get off of the Klonopin.  So it had no impact on what I wrote to you.

 

I had to go up to 1.35 mg of K because when I was at 1 mg I was still having awful s/x.  My doctor gave me the lowest dose that took them away. 

 

I don't recall how low I got on my taper before I decided to updose. It is in my progress log but I can't bear to read it since it brings back such bad memories for me.    I know I was tapering for quite awhile but I don't remember how much I had tapered.  I do know that at the time I decided to go up the taper had become intolerable for me. I was working full time and I was unable to function due to how I felt.  Like you I also lost a considerable amount of weight. 

 

For me I realized that the Klonopin (and the small amount of Valium I ended up with) was essentially acting like a poison to my body. I weighed 99 lbs, had to quit my job because I could not function and essentially wanted to become house bound because I had awful agoraphobia.  I forced myself to leave the house, travel, and 'do things' but I was a wreck most of the time. Towards to end of my taper I realized that I had gained back all of my weight, my hair stopped falling out, and the agoraphobia was gone. I still have anxiety but compared to where I was before I am so much better.  So for me all of what I was feeling was thanks to the awful drug- it was not 'me' and the only way I could begin to feel better was to be off. 

 

As I said before no one can tell you what will happen to you we can only say what happened to us.  I just hope that you feel better soon this is no way to live as we all know. 

 

 

[[ly...]]

 

 

It seems for some that there is no going back once this nightmare has started but for others an updose produces relief.  Unfortunately, the only way to know is to take the plunge.  I think that when things are intolerable people don't have a choice but to keep trying different things (cross, updose, rapid, hold, add other meds...) until relief is found.  I also believe that some can stay on indefinitely without issue while others cannot.  What a mess this whole thing is.  It's criminal that more study isn't being done.  I have some serious questions about following Ashton's protocol in crossing to V as a matter of course.