The Long Hold Support Group

[[He...]]

" Now Valley, maybe Heath could help that buddie...."

 

Begood and Valley, I'd be happy help  but I don't know who you are talking about???

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Really happy for you guys who are feeling great! That's very encouraging! 

 

I am ok, certainly no worse than before I made my updose error, thus far anyway. I think it's going to be fine.

I am feeling a bit disheartened though, as I don't like holding at this dose. I know there are folks on much higher doses, and some much lower, it's just that I don't feel well on the drug at all. I have never really felt well on benzos . They were kind of a bandaid for my steroid nightmare, but I never liked how they made me feel.

I just wish I could cut back faster like you did Heath, and Valley too when you started out. How long were you both on V for if you don't mind my asking?

 

I know I'm holding to try to stabilize , but I don't think I will ever feel ' well' taking this much V , for me anyway.

I'm going to keep holding anyway , cutting right now is definitely not an option ,

I feel that would be a big mistake.

But I do get concerned that , because the drug makes me feel unwell ( I always feel horrible about 2 hours after taking a dose . Too sedated , burning gets  revved up . ) that I won't feel any better until I'm at a lower dose. And if I am this slow to start out , it's going to take me forever to feel better, that's my fear . Of course I don't know this for a fact, who can say ' fact' with any of this process!

Anyway , that's my subjectivity for the day. I know I'll get there in the end, but such a long process and I've been ill for two years now and mostly housebound .

Hugs to everyone

MiYu

Hi MiYu. I was on for 4 years using V as a muscle relaxant. I did cut rapidly in the beginning and was fine until the last cut which was very shocking as sxs kept ramping up and I kept waiting to stabilize. If I had to do it again, I would updose when sxs continue to escalate beyond my lag time. I would be further ahead if I had done that I think. Before I started the taper I had all the signs of tolerance but didn't recognise them. I spent thousands of dollars on hospital visits for seizure like jerking, spinal, neck and joint pain, adrenal shut down etc. I connected the dots right before I started to taper when I FINALLY read the insert from the V scrip and did online research. I knew I was in the hole and started to taper thinking I would be off in 6 months. I think many of us learn the hard way that quicker isn't better and our brains don't follow a calendar date lol.

 

I know you're not feeling well, but it will pass IMO. I actually spent the whole day working in the schools and felt fine today and I'm still reducing. The long hold saved my life. I really don't care how long it will take to get off now as long as I can be functional. You'll get there! --V

 

Hi MIYU,

I did not do a cross over to Valium. Valium was my drug from the start. I was on  2.5mg for sleep ooccasionally on four separate occasions to help me through some ANXIOUS life happenings over the past 35 years. Never took it consistently and never for more than two weeks at a time.

Never got addicted. It was only this last July 2015 that I had medical issues, needed spine  surgery, and was in bed four four months waiting for the surgery, and had lots of trouble sleeping. That's when my doc prescribed ambien . I was also taking Valium consistently not knowing I could get addicted.

After the surgery in Jan of 2016, I realized I was addicted, reached tolerance, had begun getting the shakes, and knew I had to get off this poison! By that time I was at 7.5 mg Valium daily.

Getting off the ambien was easy for me. I think that was because I had the Valium to fall back on.

 

IMO you are very wise to hold where you are right now. When I first starting tapering I had no idea what I was doing. I got no help or advice from  anyone. Going from 7.5 to 1.25 so quickly was insane. I just thank m lucky stars that I somehow found this forum and website. Everything I know I learned right here. It was mostly V, but all the buddies straightened me out and taught me about letting my brain catch up to my too aggressivevtaper. I did a two month hold, cut .5 more, and then messed up a dose! I wound up at 1.2 in the end of July and I am still at 1.2 now, in the middle of November. If that's not a turtle, I don't know what is! But I feel great!

The HOLDS took a while to kick in. But HOLDING has stabilized me! I am feeling really good.

I will still gat a wave here and there, but the past week and a half have been truly remarkable.

 

I know it's hard to hold. I still want to jump ahead. But I promised myself I would wait til after the new year to try to make another small cut .

 

IMO , you WILL GET BETTER.. IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, BUT IMO IT WILL HAPPEN.

I WAS ENVIOUS OF BEGOOD WHEN I FIRST CAME TO THS FORUM. SHE WAS AT SUCH A LOW DOSE AND WAS HAVING NO TROUBLE HOLDING, I wanted to be like that too. She is one of the buddies who helped me to understand, that anyone could do what she was doing. It just takes a cmmitnesnt to HOLD, BE PATIENT, LET TIME DO WHAT IT NEEDS TO DO, AND LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.  RUSHING ONLY GETS YOU IN TROUBLE, AND YOU WIND UP LOSING TIME ANYWAY.

 

SO DONT BE DISHEARTENED. IMO ONCE YOUR HOLD GETS YOU STSBLE , AND YOU REALLY HOLD LONG ENOUGH, YOUR BRAIN WILL LIKELY CATCH UP TO YOUR CUTS, YOULL Feel s much better. Younwill be able to get out of the house and really function and live your life! AND YOU JUST MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE CUTS THat CAN MOVE YOU ahead more quickly TO A LOWER DOSE. BUT BE CAREFUL, slow and steady, and holding when necessary surely wins the race.Dont rush ahead!

 

Hold tight and be strong, you can do this! We are all here for you!

 

Heath  :smitten:

 

[[He...]]

it's almost 2AM here in the USA, I must go to sleep!

I wanted to post congrats and encouragement to successful holders and to those who are struggling. But I gotta go to sleep!

Tomorrow is another day.

Gardner, AF1  I'm thinking about you! Be strong!

 

Heath

[[ga...]]

So, Heath, did you get some sleep?

 

Gard

[[Va...]]

" Now Valley, maybe Heath could help that buddie...."

 

Begood and Valley, I'd be happy help  but I don't know who you are talking about???

 

Heath

I think this buddie is realising that holding is the only option now as sxs continue to escalate. If I were in her shoes, I would probably updose in addition to holding.  --V

[[...]]

Really happy for you guys who are feeling great! That's very encouraging! 

 

I am ok, certainly no worse than before I made my updose error, thus far anyway. I think it's going to be fine.

I am feeling a bit disheartened though, as I don't like holding at this dose. I know there are folks on much higher doses, and some much lower, it's just that I don't feel well on the drug at all. I have never really felt well on benzos . They were kind of a bandaid for my steroid nightmare, but I never liked how they made me feel.

I just wish I could cut back faster like you did Heath, and Valley too when you started out. How long were you both on V for if you don't mind my asking?

 

I know I'm holding to try to stabilize , but I don't think I will ever feel ' well' taking this much V , for me anyway.

I'm going to keep holding anyway , cutting right now is definitely not an option ,

I feel that would be a big mistake.

But I do get concerned that , because the drug makes me feel unwell ( I always feel horrible about 2 hours after taking a dose . Too sedated , burning gets  revved up . ) that I won't feel any better until I'm at a lower dose. And if I am this slow to start out , it's going to take me forever to feel better, that's my fear . Of course I don't know this for a fact, who can say ' fact' with any of this process!

Anyway , that's my subjectivity for the day. I know I'll get there in the end, but such a long process and I've been ill for two years now and mostly housebound .

Hugs to everyone

MiYu

Hi MiYu. I was on for 4 years using V as a muscle relaxant. I did cut rapidly in the beginning and was fine until the last cut which was very shocking as sxs kept ramping up and I kept waiting to stabilize. If I had to do it again, I would updose when sxs continue to escalate beyond my lag time. I would be further ahead if I had done that I think. Before I started the taper I had all the signs of tolerance but didn't recognise them. I spent thousands of dollars on hospital visits for seizure like jerking, spinal, neck and joint pain, adrenal shut down etc. I connected the dots right before I started to taper when I FINALLY read the insert from the V scrip and did online research. I knew I was in the hole and started to taper thinking I would be off in 6 months. I think many of us learn the hard way that quicker isn't better and our brains don't follow a calendar date lol.

 

I know you're not feeling well, but it will pass IMO. I actually spent the whole day working in the schools and felt fine today and I'm still reducing. The long hold saved my life. I really don't care how long it will take to get off now as long as I can be functional. You'll get there! --V

 

 

Thank you Valley.....so , you were already feeling bad before your taper, and in tolerance, and then started tapering , and you began to feel better until you hit the wall so to speak?

Does tapering just force the body to start to heal the receptors and then you aren't in tolerance anymore?

Or maybe just lower dose with not so many side effects? I'm not sure I understand this.

When I updosed for those 4 days I actually felt quite a bit worse, so my body definitely didn't like that.

I am doing better as far as symptoms since i started this hold. All that side pain is gone , and the stiffness and difficulty walking etc. I just feel so yucky when I take the V , especially in the morning .

Makes me want to cut again , but I'm not stable in the sense of being able to do anything much . But I suppose I'm stable in that days are becoming the same ....not worse and not better.....

 

Thank you valley for your consistent help here, I'm very grateful 

[[...]]

Really happy for you guys who are feeling great! That's very encouraging! 

 

I am ok, certainly no worse than before I made my updose error, thus far anyway. I think it's going to be fine.

I am feeling a bit disheartened though, as I don't like holding at this dose. I know there are folks on much higher doses, and some much lower, it's just that I don't feel well on the drug at all. I have never really felt well on benzos . They were kind of a bandaid for my steroid nightmare, but I never liked how they made me feel.

I just wish I could cut back faster like you did Heath, and Valley too when you started out. How long were you both on V for if you don't mind my asking?

 

I know I'm holding to try to stabilize , but I don't think I will ever feel ' well' taking this much V , for me anyway.

I'm going to keep holding anyway , cutting right now is definitely not an option ,

I feel that would be a big mistake.

But I do get concerned that , because the drug makes me feel unwell ( I always feel horrible about 2 hours after taking a dose . Too sedated , burning gets  revved up . ) that I won't feel any better until I'm at a lower dose. And if I am this slow to start out , it's going to take me forever to feel better, that's my fear . Of course I don't know this for a fact, who can say ' fact' with any of this process!

Anyway , that's my subjectivity for the day. I know I'll get there in the end, but such a long process and I've been ill for two years now and mostly housebound .

Hugs to everyone

MiYu

Hi MiYu. I was on for 4 years using V as a muscle relaxant. I did cut rapidly in the beginning and was fine until the last cut which was very shocking as sxs kept ramping up and I kept waiting to stabilize. If I had to do it again, I would updose when sxs continue to escalate beyond my lag time. I would be further ahead if I had done that I think. Before I started the taper I had all the signs of tolerance but didn't recognise them. I spent thousands of dollars on hospital visits for seizure like jerking, spinal, neck and joint pain, adrenal shut down etc. I connected the dots right before I started to taper when I FINALLY read the insert from the V scrip and did online research. I knew I was in the hole and started to taper thinking I would be off in 6 months. I think many of us learn the hard way that quicker isn't better and our brains don't follow a calendar date lol.

 

I know you're not feeling well, but it will pass IMO. I actually spent the whole day working in the schools and felt fine today and I'm still reducing. The long hold saved my life. I really don't care how long it will take to get off now as long as I can be functional. You'll get there! --V

 

Hi MIYU,

I did not do a cross over to Valium. Valium was my drug from the start. I was on  2.5mg for sleep ooccasionally on four separate occasions to help me through some ANXIOUS life happenings over the past 35 years. Never took it consistently and never for more than two weeks at a time.

Never got addicted. It was only this last July 2015 that I had medical issues, needed spine  surgery, and was in bed four four months waiting for the surgery, and had lots of trouble sleeping. That's when my doc prescribed ambien . I was also taking Valium consistently not knowing I could get addicted.

After the surgery in Jan of 2016, I realized I was addicted, reached tolerance, had begun getting the shakes, and knew I had to get off this poison! By that time I was at 7.5 mg Valium daily.

Getting off the ambien was easy for me. I think that was because I had the Valium to fall back on.

 

IMO you are very wise to hold where you are right now. When I first starting tapering I had no idea what I was doing. I got no help or advice from  anyone. Going from 7.5 to 1.25 so quickly was insane. I just thank m lucky stars that I somehow found this forum and website. Everything I know I learned right here. It was mostly V, but all the buddies straightened me out and taught me about letting my brain catch up to my too aggressivevtaper. I did a two month hold, cut .5 more, and then messed up a dose! I wound up at 1.2 in the end of July and I am still at 1.2 now, in the middle of November. If that's not a turtle, I don't know what is! But I feel great!

The HOLDS took a while to kick in. But HOLDING has stabilized me! I am feeling really good.

I will still gat a wave here and there, but the past week and a half have been truly remarkable.

 

I know it's hard to hold. I still want to jump ahead. But I promised myself I would wait til after the new year to try to make another small cut .

 

IMO , you WILL GET BETTER.. IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, BUT IMO IT WILL HAPPEN.

I WAS ENVIOUS OF BEGOOD WHEN I FIRST CAME TO THS FORUM. SHE WAS AT SUCH A LOW DOSE AND WAS HAVING NO TROUBLE HOLDING, I wanted to be like that too. She is one of the buddies who helped me to understand, that anyone could do what she was doing. It just takes a cmmitnesnt to HOLD, BE PATIENT, LET TIME DO WHAT IT NEEDS TO DO, AND LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.  RUSHING ONLY GETS YOU IN TROUBLE, AND YOU WIND UP LOSING TIME ANYWAY.

 

SO DONT BE DISHEARTENED. IMO ONCE YOUR HOLD GETS YOU STSBLE , AND YOU REALLY HOLD LONG ENOUGH, YOUR BRAIN WILL LIKELY CATCH UP TO YOUR CUTS, YOULL Feel s much better. Younwill be able to get out of the house and really function and live your life! AND YOU JUST MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE CUTS THat CAN MOVE YOU ahead more quickly TO A LOWER DOSE. BUT BE CAREFUL, slow and steady, and holding when necessary surely wins the race.Dont rush ahead!

 

Hold tight and be strong, you can do this! We are all here for you!

 

Heath  :smitten:

 

Thank you dear Heathcliff for the encouragement ....I'm really glad you are feeling so much better!

It's amazing how much encouragement we need in this process , I suppose it's because we feel so scared and awful at times.

Thank you for being here, Valley too and everyone....

I'll keep holding and see what two months does. That'll be the end of November .I don't want to be a total mess for the holidays if I can help it!

I too had no trouble dropping the ambien which I took for about a year. I dropped that back in December of last year. God I was such a mess this time last year, I could barely lift my head off the pillow and needed help to walk, wheelchair for getting to a doctors appointment . I think I was in withdrawal/ tolerance not sure which as I had no idea what I was doing with these drugs either.

I thought I was going to die. When I started .25- .5 mg klonopin back then in addition to the small amount of Xanax I started to feel so much better. I guess that was an updose and a steady one.

It was when I started to try and taper the K and dropped the Xanax I got in trouble again.

Then a horrible cross to V , so my body has been though the ringer this whole last year really.

 

Will keep the faith with help from my friends here 

You are all lifesavers , thank you  :angel:

 

 

[[...]]

Really happy for you guys who are feeling great! That's very encouraging! 

 

I am ok, certainly no worse than before I made my updose error, thus far anyway. I think it's going to be fine.

I am feeling a bit disheartened though, as I don't like holding at this dose. I know there are folks on much higher doses, and some much lower, it's just that I don't feel well on the drug at all. I have never really felt well on benzos . They were kind of a bandaid for my steroid nightmare, but I never liked how they made me feel.

I just wish I could cut back faster like you did Heath, and Valley too when you started out. How long were you both on V for if you don't mind my asking?

 

I know I'm holding to try to stabilize , but I don't think I will ever feel ' well' taking this much V , for me anyway.

I'm going to keep holding anyway , cutting right now is definitely not an option ,

I feel that would be a big mistake.

But I do get concerned that , because the drug makes me feel unwell ( I always feel horrible about 2 hours after taking a dose . Too sedated , burning gets  revved up . ) that I won't feel any better until I'm at a lower dose. And if I am this slow to start out , it's going to take me forever to feel better, that's my fear . Of course I don't know this for a fact, who can say ' fact' with any of this process!

Anyway , that's my subjectivity for the day. I know I'll get there in the end, but such a long process and I've been ill for two years now and mostly housebound .

Hugs to everyone

MiYu

Hi MiYu. I was on for 4 years using V as a muscle relaxant. I did cut rapidly in the beginning and was fine until the last cut which was very shocking as sxs kept ramping up and I kept waiting to stabilize. If I had to do it again, I would updose when sxs continue to escalate beyond my lag time. I would be further ahead if I had done that I think. Before I started the taper I had all the signs of tolerance but didn't recognise them. I spent thousands of dollars on hospital visits for seizure like jerking, spinal, neck and joint pain, adrenal shut down etc. I connected the dots right before I started to taper when I FINALLY read the insert from the V scrip and did online research. I knew I was in the hole and started to taper thinking I would be off in 6 months. I think many of us learn the hard way that quicker isn't better and our brains don't follow a calendar date lol.

 

I know you're not feeling well, but it will pass IMO. I actually spent the whole day working in the schools and felt fine today and I'm still reducing. The long hold saved my life. I really don't care how long it will take to get off now as long as I can be functional. You'll get there! --V

 

 

Thank you Valley.....so , you were already feeling bad before your taper, and in tolerance, and then started tapering , and you began to feel better until you hit the wall so to speak?

Does tapering just force the body to start to heal the receptors and then you aren't in tolerance anymore?

Or maybe just lower dose with not so many side effects? I'm not sure I understand this.

When I updosed for those 4 days I actually felt quite a bit worse, so my body definitely didn't like that.

I am doing better as far as symptoms since i started this hold. All that side pain is gone , and the stiffness and difficulty walking etc. I just feel so yucky when I take the V , especially in the morning .

Makes me want to cut again , but I'm not stable in the sense of being able to do anything much . But I suppose I'm stable in that days are becoming the same ....not worse and not better.....

 

Thank you valley for your consistent help here, I'm very grateful 

 

MiYu, I am really curious, too, about your question.  I was so bad in tolerance w/d--debilitated, but once I started tapering I started to improve quite a bit until I found I was going too fast and it was catching up with me.  How bad I was in tolerance is what has made me hesitate at first about holding-I thought maybe I'd end up worse, but I'm thinking that just not having so much of the drug in me will make me feel better as I hold--or something like that.  I did updose a little, and am holding and am crossing two of my daily doses to valium. I'm keeping the middle of the day dose Ativan and plan to liquid microtaper it at a snail's pace as soon as I'm stable-however long that takes.

 

Heath and everyone else, thanks for the encouragement!

[[Va...]]

Really happy for you guys who are feeling great! That's very encouraging! 

 

I am ok, certainly no worse than before I made my updose error, thus far anyway. I think it's going to be fine.

I am feeling a bit disheartened though, as I don't like holding at this dose. I know there are folks on much higher doses, and some much lower, it's just that I don't feel well on the drug at all. I have never really felt well on benzos . They were kind of a bandaid for my steroid nightmare, but I never liked how they made me feel.

I just wish I could cut back faster like you did Heath, and Valley too when you started out. How long were you both on V for if you don't mind my asking?

 

I know I'm holding to try to stabilize , but I don't think I will ever feel ' well' taking this much V , for me anyway.

I'm going to keep holding anyway , cutting right now is definitely not an option ,

I feel that would be a big mistake.

But I do get concerned that , because the drug makes me feel unwell ( I always feel horrible about 2 hours after taking a dose . Too sedated , burning gets  revved up . ) that I won't feel any better until I'm at a lower dose. And if I am this slow to start out , it's going to take me forever to feel better, that's my fear . Of course I don't know this for a fact, who can say ' fact' with any of this process!

Anyway , that's my subjectivity for the day. I know I'll get there in the end, but such a long process and I've been ill for two years now and mostly housebound .

Hugs to everyone

MiYu

Hi MiYu. I was on for 4 years using V as a muscle relaxant. I did cut rapidly in the beginning and was fine until the last cut which was very shocking as sxs kept ramping up and I kept waiting to stabilize. If I had to do it again, I would updose when sxs continue to escalate beyond my lag time. I would be further ahead if I had done that I think. Before I started the taper I had all the signs of tolerance but didn't recognise them. I spent thousands of dollars on hospital visits for seizure like jerking, spinal, neck and joint pain, adrenal shut down etc. I connected the dots right before I started to taper when I FINALLY read the insert from the V scrip and did online research. I knew I was in the hole and started to taper thinking I would be off in 6 months. I think many of us learn the hard way that quicker isn't better and our brains don't follow a calendar date lol.

 

I know you're not feeling well, but it will pass IMO. I actually spent the whole day working in the schools and felt fine today and I'm still reducing. The long hold saved my life. I really don't care how long it will take to get off now as long as I can be functional. You'll get there! --V

 

 

Thank you Valley.....so , you were already feeling bad before your taper, and in tolerance, and then started tapering , and you began to feel better until you hit the wall so to speak?

Does tapering just force the body to start to heal the receptors and then you aren't in tolerance anymore?

Or maybe just lower dose with not so many side effects? I'm not sure I understand this.

When I updosed for those 4 days I actually felt quite a bit worse, so my body definitely didn't like that.

I am doing better as far as symptoms since i started this hold. All that side pain is gone , and the stiffness and difficulty walking etc. I just feel so yucky when I take the V , especially in the morning .

Makes me want to cut again , but I'm not stable in the sense of being able to do anything much . But I suppose I'm stable in that days are becoming the same ....not worse and not better.....

 

Thank you valley for your consistent help here, I'm very grateful 

I'm happy to help MiYu!  You are correct that I started to feel better when I started the taper. The jerking completely stopped. The mistake I made was the rapid cutting which ramped up so many sxs I can't count them all. I too felt worse when dosing during the hold but I'm starting to believe that it is withdrawal related as it resolved during the hold. I now get really different sxs than at the beginning which convinces me that different parts of my brain and body are adjusting and healing as I continue to reduce. I have some days when I can think very clearly, laugh (forgot how to laugh for a long time) and joke with others. I'm still not my normal self but feel the layers being peeled off the more I reduce. If we can get through this nightmare, we can get through anything life throws at us! --V

[[He...]]

Hi MIYU,

I just read your tapering schedule again.

I see that your CNS has been through the ringer the past 8 months with lots of meds changes. I also see from your last post, you were in deep struggles even before that.

 

Now I'm surely no expert, but IMO it just may not be the Valium that is making you feel sick. It very well could be that not only is your CNS trying to straighten out all the changes and wdfx that you had before you changed to the Valium, but in the past few months you have also continued to cut the Valium as well, adding more changes that you CNS has had to deal with and adjust to. I think it is all adding up on top of each other and catching up to you. IMO it is wdfx, not the Valium drug itself that is making you struggle so much .

IMO I believe the cuts of .5 mg for three months straight was way too big of a cut as well, especially considering that you were already having real struggles with the klonopin crossover and getting offf Xanax.

 

Many people make the mistake of going to fast at first in their tapers. I know I did.

 

But everything is fixable. It just sometimes takes a longer time when the wdfx pile up and catch up to us.

 

IMO I believe the answer is to stick with the one drug you are on and just wait it out by holding.  Trying to figure out exactly what it is, I believe, is impossible.  But IMO I do believe that holding will give your CNS the time it needs to heal. It took you a long time to accumulate all these wdfx, so dont try to get rid of them by rushing ahead. You can't rush your CNS to heal. It has its own agenda and will heal at its own pace.

 

When I get wdfx I like to think if each one as a different part of my CNS that is healing. I'm not saying that is a fact, but it makes me feel better.

 

IMO  holding, even for many months, will give you CNS the time it needs to heal.

 

I'm sorry I am writing so much. But I really feel badly for your struggles. You don't have to agree with anything I am writing. Only you can decide what is best for you.

 

But whatever you decide, I wish you much less struggles in this difficult journey. I hope you will be strong. I hope healing and peace come to you very soon. IMO it will . Just be patient and give it the TIME that is necessary. I wish you so much of the best. You can do this!

 

Heath   

[[He...]]

Hi Gard,

Yes I got some sleep, 5 hours to be exact, not good, but not too bad. About par for the course for me. Thanks for asking! I think tonight will be catch up time with a small dose of remeron. I take it when needed about once a week.

And how was your sleep? I hope your twitching muscles did not keep you awake and you will get ahead of this annoying wdfx very soon.

In this journey, there is always something. It is so difficult to be strong, but there is no other choice if we want off of these horrible meds. I hope you have better and better days. Did you get your solution mixing  problem straightened out? I hope so.

 

Heath

[[ga...]]

Hi Gard,

Yes I got some sleep, 5 hours to be exact, not good, but not too bad. About par for the course for me. Thanks for asking! I think tonight will be catch up time with a small dose of remeron. I take it when needed about once a week.

And how was your sleep? I hope your twitching muscles did not keep you awake and you will get ahead of this annoying wdfx very soon.

In this journey, there is always something. It is so difficult to be strong, but there is no other choice if we want off of these horrible meds. I hope you have better and better days. Did you get your solution mixing  problem straightened out? I hope so.

 

Heath

 

Glad to hear you got some sleep. My sleep is so-so, but adequate. Twitches are not worse, maybe a little less, so that's good. Neuropathy continues to nag at me but not as bad as it used to be. Big decision is to go ahead and cut or wait until it goes away. I'm feeling like I've waited long enough and maybe it isn't going to go away until I'm off.

 

Hope you get some sleep tonight.

 

Gard

[[He...]]

Hi AF1

Your story sounds like mine. I was in tolerance even  before I started to taper. I didn't even know I was addicted until I started to get the shakes. No one believed me that the shakes were from tolerance. No believed I would get addicted, even my doctor. 

Sometimes you know what is happening even before your doctor does! My doc and my whole family  thought I was just an overly anxious nervous wreck. Even though I had no history of anxiety more than an average person.  Dumb doctor!

 

Oh well that's in the past now.

 

I am in a hold for 3 1/2 months now. Using liquid Valium solution at 1.2 . .will start to micro taper after the holidays. Probably .003 daily and hold as necessary.

 

Glad you are holding. And glad you had a better day yesterday, or is it today? I never know where someone is posting from....USA or U.K. Or ?  Ithink everyone is asleep when I post. I think most people are in UK and I am in USA.

 

Anyway, I hope your day is good and your hold continues successfully. For me, it is surely working! My biggest problem is wanting to jump ahead. It is very difficult to hold. But it certainly is worth it! So I am holding on!  I hope you will be strong and hold on too.

 

Peace, and  healing to you!

 

Heath 

 

 

[[...]]

Thanks, Heath.  SO good to hear from people like you that holds work even if we were in tolerance before tapering. I'm in the US, too, in southwestern Virginia.  Small town in the mountains.  But we do have indoor plumbing and even internet, LOL. 

 

AF

[[He...]]

Hi again Gard,

 

I'm trying to figure out your tapering schedule.

I'm confused. I don't know what Q is or what it's for.

You are off of Xanax and you crossed over to Librium. Is that right?

Is L Librium? Is that Ativan?

 

So are you in a hold for L and Q? Are you tapering them both at the same time?

 

How can you tell if your wdfx are from which drug?

 

Sorry for so many questions but I'm new here and I only have experienc with Valium.

 

Maybe I should leave this alone and leave it in ValleyUm's hands. He really knows so much more than most.

 

But I hope your struggles get lighter quickly.

 

Heath 

[[He...]]

Thanks, Heath.  SO good to hear from people like you that holds work even if we were in tolerance before tapering. I'm in the US, too, in southwestern Virginia.  Small town in the mountains.  But we do have indoor plumbing and even internet, LOL. 

 

AF

 

You made me laugh! I'm thinking of John Denver. Love his songs! Country Roads take me home..... makes your part of the country sound like a heavenly place to live.

Im in Southern California. We have Internet and indoor plumbing too, and EARTHQUAKES AND SMOG AND TRAFFIC CONGESTION. SHALL I GO ON? But we do have wonderful sunshine 90% of the time. Great beaches. Looking at the snow capped mountains in the middle of winter from my house in the San Fernando valley in 80 degree weather is a trip! I guess everyone must take the good with the bad!

 

Heath

[[ga...]]

Hi again Gard,

 

I'm trying to figure out your tapering schedule.

I'm confused. I don't know what Q is or what it's for.

You are off of Xanax and you crossed over to Librium. Is that right?

Is L Librium? Is that Ativan?

 

So are you in a hold for L and Q? Are you tapering them both at the same time?

 

How can you tell if your wdfx are from which drug?

 

Sorry for so many questions but I'm new here and I only have experienc with Valium.

 

Maybe I should leave this alone and leave it in ValleyUm's hands. He really knows so much more than most.

 

But I hope your struggles get lighter quickly.

 

Heath 

 

The Q (Seroquel) was prescribed for sleep, but it is a dangerous drug and I thought I didn't need such a high dose, so I tapered part of it. First I held both Q and L for a long time. Then I partially tapered only the Q. My symptoms came back when I did that. Then I held all for a month or so. Can't remember.

 

Then, while holding, I decided to just liquify one capsule of L at a time. Librium is chlordiazepoxide. It is like a weak form of Valium. So my taper is similar to a V taper except for L is a nuisance (unstable as a liquid and only comes in capsules here).

 

I also have an autoimmune disorder that gives me symptoms. Sad fact is I have no idea what has caused this uptick in symptoms since my long hold. But so far it is not intolerable. Well, most days. But that is the opposite of before the hold when most days were intolerable and I rarely had a tolerable day after my Xanax crash and then cross to L. I think I am still on edge partially because I'm afraid the old symptoms are going to come roaring back any second. All the holding in the world isn't going to make that go away.

 

Well, there goes my med alarm. Time to go take my poison!

 

Gard

[[ga...]]

AF1, Can we all come and live with you in the mountains? Pretty please?

 

Gard (flat-lander)

[[...]]

Thank you once again Valley and Heathcliff . 

What I feel is happening in my case is twofold.

I think you are absolutely right Heath,( and Valley)  that my CNS is disrupted big time from the last two years , which is why going slow is very important for me.

Where I get confused is with having to take the drug, of course!

I don't think my body likes the drug at all, so holding is necessary to allow my CNS to calm down and stabilize, it definitely is quite agitated still and is probably at the root of most of my symptoms and feeling awful. So that has to be my number one priority . And the second part is that taking the V does feel toxic for me.....which is why I'd so like to be on a lower dose. But I'm where I am , and so my 1 st priority has to be to allow my CNS to stabilize , which could mean a long hold after everything it's been through.

I swear the ct from steroids did nearly kill me. I actually wrote my Will at that time I was so sick.

I had to cut the steroids because I became allergic  to them and ended up in the ER , 4 times!

I was told I had Addisons and that I would be on them for life, so in addition to the actual effect they had on my body, I also thought I would die if I stopped them. I wanted to die for many months I was suffering so much.

But it seems that I did not have Addisons after all.( no thanks to any doctors).

I don't take a single steroid now and haven't for a year or more . I'm sure my adrenals and HPA axis are pretty  messed up still, which is another reason I have to go slow.

In a way I have come so far since last year , I'm alive for one thing! I'm not on steroids, and I see a life ahead where I will be healthy , perhaps delicate , but able to live a little , or a lot!

I also went  through menopause in the midst of all this , OMG!

 

It's pretty amazing what a human body can survive......

 

Going to try not to worry about taking the dose of V I am on, and trust my amazing self-healing body that has been through so much and is still with me , to quote Baylissa Fredericks.

 

And by the way I am in Northern Cal

 

Love to everyone  :smitten:

 

[[...]]

MiYu you are one tough cookie.  Sure glad things are better for you than they were.  Gardener, sure come on and be a redneck with me, LOL.  It's like Mayberry here.  Actually the real town that inspired the Andy Griffith show isn't far from here.  It's across the border in North Carolina--let's see if I can remember the name of it before I finish this paragraph.  Heathcliff, I'm going to be jealous of you in a month or so when we can't make it up our driveway because of snow. I used to like winter, but not right now.  I remembered the town -Mt. Airy, NC. 

[[ga...]]

MiYu you are one tough cookie.  Sure glad things are better for you than they were.  Gardener, sure come on and be a redneck with me, LOL.  It's like Mayberry here.  Actually the real town that inspired the Andy Griffith show isn't far from here.  It's across the border in North Carolina--let's see if I can remember the name of it before I finish this paragraph.  Heathcliff, I'm going to be jealous of you in a month or so when we can't make it up our driveway because of snow. I used to like winter, but not right now.  I remembered the town -Mt. Airy, NC.

 

OMG, I watch Andy Griffith every day as a coping tool to get through this! I am going to go look up Mt. Airy.

 

Gard

[[...]]

MiYu you are one tough cookie.  Sure glad things are better for you than they were.  Gardener, sure come on and be a redneck with me, LOL.  It's like Mayberry here.  Actually the real town that inspired the Andy Griffith show isn't far from here.  It's across the border in North Carolina--let's see if I can remember the name of it before I finish this paragraph.  Heathcliff, I'm going to be jealous of you in a month or so when we can't make it up our driveway because of snow. I used to like winter, but not right now.  I remembered the town -Mt. Airy, NC.

 

OMG, I watch Andy Griffith every day as a coping tool to get through this! I am going to go look up Mt. Airy.

 

Gard

 

Gard,

I love corny old shows--old movies, too.

AF

[[He...]]

Afi, Gard,

Do you watch the game show network too? I won 14,000 on card sharks in the 1980s when Jim Perry was the host. I was also onPassword plus. That was so much fun. And the cash was not so bad either!

 

My husband watches Gillian's island, Hawaii five-O and Fish and Taxi. To tell you the truth, they make me nuts!

 

But I do love the old black and white movies too.

 

My nephew lives in mount airy, but it's mount airy Maryland.

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Gard,

I'm just a dumb gal born and raised in Brooklyn New York, so excuse me if I am asking a dumb question.

 

If Librium is unstable, how do you know how much you are REALLY taking ?

 

Could that be why your symptoms are so bad? Could you be up-dosing and down-dosing continually without knowing it and making your CNS really out of wack? If Librium is a weaker form of Valium, how come the doc didn't just give you Valium in a low dose pill or liquid, since Valium IS stable in pill and liquid form?

 

Just curious and Just asking.... I am certainly not an authority by any means!

 

You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

 

Heath

[[...]]

Afi, Gard,

Do you watch the game show network too? I won 14,000 on card sharks in the 1980s when Jim Perry was the host. I was also onPassword plus. That was so much fun. And the cash was not so bad either!

 

My husband watches Gillian's island, Hawaii five-O and Fish and Taxi. To tell you the truth, they make me nuts!

 

But I do love the old black and white movies too.

 

My nephew lives in mount airy, but it's mount airy Maryland.

 

Heath

 

Heathcliff,

We actually don't have cable-LOL that really does make me sound like a hick. It's available but we just do Netflix instead.  My kids and I are going through the series Psych which ran for 8 seasons so should keep us busy for a little while.  It was on Netflix streaming until a few weeks ago but now we have to wait for the discs.  In other news, I do have friends here who live 10 minutes or so outside of town and they don't get cell phone reception there and their internet service is somehow limited so it is pretty rural here.

AF