The Long Hold Support Group

[[De...]]

Oh vali,

I am so sorry. I swear my anxiety got so bad the last month. Then just the last couple of days its subsided. I did everything. I turned it over to got. I completed surrender it all to him. I had no idea what to do. I asked for help. Now the last couple of days my mind is quiet. I was panicking stricken. I know it sounds crazy but it worked. It's like I gave up trying to control things. I think to when your mind calms down you will be able to realize you have covered all your bases. You have family that would get you your meds, your pendant. You are aware of bwd so you know what you are doing. You are more prepared for an emergency than anyone I know. I pray your anxiety let's up. I know I worry to, but when you think about it worrying isn't going to make help you. I think we keep worrying because we feel like we have to to stay safe and keep bad things from happening. But a quiet mind you can think more clearly. I know its chemical. But try to find ways to get that anxiety down. I hope this helps. I do see you going back to the what ifs. As someone with an anxiety disorder , I struggle with it alot. So I understand. Ly dc

[[De...]]

Hi Stut!

I can't deal with hangovers either. I do not miss it at all. I am better less anxiety. I hope you are feeling a bit better. Hope sis and daughter and animals are all well. As you say, keep on keeping on! Love you Suzy

[[va...]]

Thank you DD. The person who would cover me is my mother but she's elderly and it's not like I trust her really. But it is what it is. My daughter is not a support and mustn't be. She's just 13 and she's a kid. The what ifs are there always but now it's the chemical anxiety which is so intense it's like being plugged to the socket. Not like summer because that was insane. I know I'm protracted. On the drug, but protracted. I'm just telling myself that I have to be able to live in this state forever, that I need to endure it. Or at least until my daughter no longer needs me. Thank you dd for being there. Gnight.

[[Gu...]]

Yesterday my pain let up a little.  I laid on a heating pad for 2 hours straight.  Today, the pain is just too much. I’m using my TENS unit but my strength feels so zapped.

[[es...]]

There is no more frightening word than “forever”. Accepting that word as our reality is the one thing we cannot afford to do. We can take a lot. We DO take a lot. Everyday. But the “Forever” word is a deal breaker for people who are tapering or in early recovery. I am sending you a pm. Espy

[[Gu...]]

I agree E.  That is not a good word.  We WILL heal.  This is not a forever situation.

[[De...]]

Thanks. I feels that way. 

[[Ma...]]

Thank you DD. The person who would cover me is my mother but she's elderly and it's not like I trust her really. But it is what it is. My daughter is not a support and mustn't be. She's just 13 and she's a kid. The what ifs are there always but now it's the chemical anxiety which is so intense it's like being plugged to the socket. Not like summer because that was insane. I know I'm protracted. On the drug, but protracted. I'm just telling myself that I have to be able to live in this state forever, that I need to endure it. Or at least until my daughter no longer needs me. Thank you dd for being there. Gnight.

 

Vali, I keep trying to think of a way for you to feel safer if something happened and I know your said your Mom is elderly.  Do you have an attorney that could have power of attorney over your medical issues?  I wonder if you put a question on Withdrawal Support, if someone in your situation has found a way to handle it?  There has to be a way, .  If we could think of something that could give you some security, it might really help your anxiety.  You try so hard and just have so much to deal with, it just seems there has to be a way.  You do have your letter from your Dr saying you can have your meds, right?  So now we need to have the step of making sure the hospital gets the information and follows it.  Love you, we all do , and keep hoping you feel better.  Mary 💜💜💜

 

 

 

[[es...]]

That is a great idea. It would be like an advanced directive. The word lawyer gets attention, believe me. Espy

[[Ma...]]

That is a great idea. It would be like an advanced directive. The word lawyer gets attention, believe me. Espy

 

That's kind of what I was thinking, the hospital in all probability, wouldn't ignore a lawyer's instructions.  Mary

[[Tr...]]

Hi everyone, not caught up with the posts just had a skim through one page.

I went to an Alanon meeting this morning. I will continue to go. I didn't plan on sharing but something came over me and before you know it I was in a puddle of tears pouring my heart out about my son. Anyway, I have to say I thought I understood alcoholism.. Well I didn't. The scales fell from my eyes today. I realized that my son could die and I mean REALLY die from his alcoholism, also understand it's an illness and I REALLY can't fix him or stop him. I have NO CONTROL.. Ok now here's where I lose it! I have no control, it's out of my control to save my son. He may never get well and there's nothing I can do about it. It hit me like a ton of bricks today. So now that I really know that I can't really fix him how do I surrender to my God? That's going to be the hardest thing for me bc I'm a control freak. That's always been hard for me to " let go and let God".. I wrestle with God all the time on this.

So fear started to take over in a big way and my mind had it's way with my today. I started to imagine my newborn grandson home with my son while he was drunk and then what if the baby started to cry and he becomes enraged and then hurts the baby bc he's drunk and full of vodka rage 😭.. I became physically ill, nauseous, sweaty, heart pounding and tearful all day. Oh and did I mention I have my Rx Dr tomorrow! I'm in great shape to see him! I hope I remember that I lie to him about my dose so I can stash.. I'm so not prepared to see him. I am going to my therapist Wednesday and I can't wait for that, hopefully she can help with these new fears of mine. It's awful how the mind can torture 😢

Sorry for the long post but it's been a hell of a day anxiety wise. Just paralyzed with imagined nightmare scenarios. 😢

TT, terrified today ❤️

[[es...]]

Trishy, I have no answers. I just wanted to say I hear you and am holding you in my heart. Try not to let go of hope, even if you aren’t seeing it. I thought it was too late for my brother. I was wrong. AA is full of stories like this. Not much help, though, you are a mother and ... no way to sugar coat how you feel now. Love, Espy

[[Tr...]]

Hello Espy, so nice to see you hear. It seems rough around here today from my quick read through. ☹️ Thank you for your support our Hill folk chick 😉 miss you but so glad you made it out of benzo prison ❤️

 

Sorry you guys, I know we're all struggling in our own ways right now.. So far not a promising start to 2020 😔 but we'll keep marching on and fighting our way through 💪 there's just got to be better days ahead 🙏

 

Love to all,

Trish ❤️

[[Ma...]]

Hi everyone, not caught up with the posts just had a skim through one page.

I went to an Alanon meeting this morning. I will continue to go. I didn't plan on sharing but something came over me and before you know it I was in a puddle of tears pouring my heart out about my son. Anyway, I have to say I thought I understood alcoholism.. Well I didn't. The scales fell from my eyes today. I realized that my son could die and I mean REALLY die from his alcoholism, also understand it's an illness and I REALLY can't fix him or stop him. I have NO CONTROL.. Ok now here's where I lose it! I have no control, it's out of my control to save my son. He may never get well and there's nothing I can do about it. It hit me like a ton of bricks today. So now that I really know that I can't really fix him how do I surrender to my God? That's going to be the hardest thing for me bc I'm a control freak. That's always been hard for me to " let go and let God".. I wrestle with God all the time on this.

So fear started to take over in a big way and my mind had it's way with my today. I started to imagine my newborn grandson home with my son while he was drunk and then what if the baby started to cry and he becomes enraged and then hurts the baby bc he's drunk and full of vodka rage 😭.. I became physically ill, nauseous, sweaty, heart pounding and tearful all day. Oh and  did I mention I have my Rx Dr tomorrow! I'm in great shape to see him! I hope I remember that I lie to him about my dose so I can stash.. I'm so not prepared to see him. I am going to my therapist Wednesday and I can't wait for that, hopefully she can help with these new fears of mine. It's awful how the mind can torture 😢

Sorry for the long post but it's been a hell of a day anxiety wise. Just paralyzed with imagined nightmare scenarios. 😢

TT, terrified today ❤️

 

TT, I am so sorry.  Both sides of my family were full of alcoholics.  Aunts,Uncles, cousins, my whole family.  It's a hard disease to beat, because there is no medicine to take, it all comes from how badly YOU want to be sober.  You can't sober up for your wife, your kids, you mom, IT has to be because HE wants to be sober.  Your dil may need to make him leave.  He has to hit bottom, as long as there are people propping him up, keeping him from hitting bottom, the less likely he will get sober.  Keep going to those meetings, listen to others stories.  Its like bb only in person.  You can learn so much.  Love you Too Many.  MM. 💜💜

[[Tr...]]

Trishy, I have no answers. I just wanted to say I hear you and am holding you in my heart. Try not to let go of hope, even if you aren’t seeing it. I thought it was too late for my brother. I was wrong. AA is full of stories like this. Not much help, though, you are a mother and ... no way to sugar coat how you feel now. Love, Espy

Hello my dear friend I think we posted to eachother at the same time. I know you understand E and thank you for all your support, past and present. I have to admit my friend this is a tough one for me, but you just mentioning that there are lots of success stories in AA gives me a little hope. I guess that's all I have right now is hope so I'm going to have to cling tightly to it. I will be praying for the will to give up my will if that makes sense. I think I have to if I ever hope to gain any peace in this nightmare ☹️

Lots of love to you my friend ❤️

[[Tr...]]

Hi everyone, not caught up with the posts just had a skim through one page.

I went to an Alanon meeting this morning. I will continue to go. I didn't plan on sharing but something came over me and before you know it I was in a puddle of tears pouring my heart out about my son. Anyway, I have to say I thought I understood alcoholism.. Well I didn't. The scales fell from my eyes today. I realized that my son could die and I mean REALLY die from his alcoholism, also understand it's an illness and I REALLY can't fix him or stop him. I have NO CONTROL.. Ok now here's where I lose it! I have no control, it's out of my control to save my son. He may never get well and there's nothing I can do about it. It hit me like a ton of bricks today. So now that I really know that I can't really fix him how do I surrender to my God? That's going to be the hardest thing for me bc I'm a control freak. That's always been hard for me to " let go and let God".. I wrestle with God all the time on this.

So fear started to take over in a big way and my mind had it's way with my today. I started to imagine my newborn grandson home with my son while he was drunk and then what if the baby started to cry and he becomes enraged and then hurts the baby bc he's drunk and full of vodka rage 😭.. I became physically ill, nauseous, sweaty, heart pounding and tearful all day. Oh and  did I mention I have my Rx Dr tomorrow! I'm in great shape to see him! I hope I remember that I lie to him about my dose so I can stash.. I'm so not prepared to see him. I am going to my therapist Wednesday and I can't wait for that, hopefully she can help with these new fears of mine. It's awful how the mind can torture 😢

Sorry for the long post but it's been a hell of a day anxiety wise. Just paralyzed with imagined nightmare scenarios. 😢

TT, terrified today ❤️

 

TT, I am so sorry.  Both sides of my family were full of alcoholics.  Aunts,Uncles, cousins, my whole family.  It's a hard disease to beat, because there is no medicine to take, it all comes from how badly YOU want to be sober.  You can't sober up for your wife, your kids, you mom, IT has to be because HE wants to be sober.  Your dil may need to make him leave.  He has to hit bottom, as long as there are people propping him up, keeping him from hitting bottom, the less likely he will get sober.  Keep going to those meetings, listen to others stories.  Its like bb only in person.  You can learn so much.  Love you Too Many.  MM. 💜💜

I'm learning a lot and just one visit there. It's a 12 step program just like AA. They tell us we have to change, that's a shock at first but I understood after reading the literature that was given to me today. We have to change a lot about ourselves and yes about how we treat him. The literature says not to argue, react, look for empty bottles or keep up on how much he's drinking and more.. you can Google alanon' s 12 step program. When I went this morning they were on step 2 . They want me to keep coming back and they told me there's a beginners program so I'm going to check that out. I need all the help I can get and I'm going to take my daughter in law to a meeting Wednesday night. She's willing to go. I'm feeling so many emotions, fear, sadness, loss of control, disbelief and on and on.. my nervous system is taking a beating today.

Love you many M's❤️

[[Tr...]]

Oh and Mary I too come from a long line of alcoholics, and Rich's family too. Rich is a recovering alcoholic, 20 yrs sober for him. I only hope my son will turn out like his father and stop drinking, but hope is all I have that and prayer. 😢

[[Ma...]]

Oh and Mary I too come from a long line of alcoholics, and Rich's family too. Rich is a recovering alcoholic, 20 yrs sober for him. I only hope my son will turn out like his father and stop drinking, but hope is all I have that and prayer. 😢

 

Did Rich go to AA or quit on his own? 

[[Tr...]]

Oh and Mary I too come from a long line of alcoholics, and Rich's family too. Rich is a recovering alcoholic, 20 yrs sober for him. I only hope my son will turn out like his father and stop drinking, but hope is all I have that and prayer. 😢

 

Did Rich go to AA or quit on his own?

He quit on his own no AA. He hot his rock bottom one day and he was done. I almost left him, I was very close. The first 17 yrs of my marriage he was a drinker. His poison was beer not the hard stuff but he was drunk everyday. He was a functioning alcoholic. My son is a vodka drinker and barely functions. Misses a lot of work. Has lost jobs.. 😭

[[Gu...]]

Oh Trishy I’m so awful sorry.  I’m glad you and your dil are going to Alanon.  We can only pray your son will open his eyes.  My heart goes out to you and your family.

[[es...]]

Mary is right. They have to be ready and it usually takes hitting bottom. How we wish we could be in charge, but I learned by trying very hard again and again, and failing. He had to do it. Espy

[[Tr...]]

Thank you GP and Espy. I've said this a million times but I don't know where I'd be without my buddies and the awesome support here.

I'm shook up today but I'll get my footing, I always do. I'm heartbroken but that's not new to me either..

Love you LHSG ladies ❤️

 

[[Ma...]]

Oh and Mary I too come from a long line of alcoholics, and Rich's family too. Rich is a recovering alcoholic, 20 yrs sober for him. I only hope my son will turn out like his father and stop drinking, but hope is all I have that and prayer. 😢

 

Did Rich go to AA or quit on his own?

He quit on his own no AA. He hot his rock bottom one day and he was done. I almost left him, I was very close. The first 17 yrs of my marriage he was a drinker. His poison was beer not the hard stuff but he was drunk everyday. He was a functioning alcoholic. My son is a vodka drinker and barely functions. Misses a lot of work. Has lost jobs.. 😭

My dad quit on his own too, but he still had a lot of alcoholic behavior for awhile.  He might have learned some things from AA that would have made his road easier.  He spent the last 20 years of his life trying to make it up to me and my sister.  I am so grateful he sobered up for that time. 

There are lots of success stories, me and DD for 2  :smitten:

[Guest [Lo...]]

Have you started tapering yet Mary.  I’m not even thinking about it til maybe March.  I’m not sure whether to continue tapering Ambien or tackle the lorazepam again.  I know I threw a wrench in the whole thing when I started on my Ambien.  But I was worried when Pdoc said no meds if you have sleep apnea.  They have no idea of the fear they cause.

[/quote

 

Do you feel interdose w/d from Ambien?  I am stuck with Ambien and Klonopin.  Would love to get rid of the Ambien. 

[[Gu...]]

Hi Look, how are you doing?