The Long Hold Support Group

[[Ma...]]

I typically hold my Klonopin cuts for 6 weeks.

 

Hey CC, and how are your symptoms holding every 6 weeks?  Are you feeling ok?  Mary

[[Fi...]]

Thanks Final healing and Intend,

 

I needed to hear that.  I feel so miserable. So much anxiety. Feel like exploding. O, this is so unbelievable.  Thinking about asking the psychiatrist for an AD. Want to be admitted to the psych. hospital. Can't do this alone anymore.

 

I really understand that feeling of wanting to be admitted to a psych hospital because I have this fantasy that they will just be kind and take care of me.  The reality is, at least here in the states, is that people end up being given more unnecessary meds. 

 

Is it possible to either let yourself stabilize from your recent cuts or if it doesn't get better, a small updose to where you were previously?  Depression and anxiety are common withdrawal symtpms (and sometimes side effects of the medication) and don't necessarily mean that you are really an anxious person.  I have had some periods recently where I was trembling with anxiety after a cut but it did go away. 

 

If I remember from your posts, you had been walking and biking  before these cuts and seemed semi-functional.  I know you weren't feeling great but as a person who has been pollydrugged, adding another medication does not always make withdrawal easier. 

 

However, I would never tell you not to try something if the symtoms are too much.  You have to take care of yourself.  I just wanted to see if you could stabilize first before making that decision. 

 

It's a horrible process and we are all trying to find our way through this the best that we can. 

 

FH

[[De...]]

Fh&

Do you notice at all when holding you feel pretty ok. Then out of nowere more sx pop up. I feel like im grieving, not crying. I am not sure if it even real grief. Maybe its grief thats been covered  up. I am still on meds so im still numbed i guesd. Its pretty powerful. I never had this before. Very confusingm i have been holding 4 mos. This klonopin is a beast. I am not sure when to cut again oe how. I know nobody can tell me. Just wondering your opinion on this.

[[Fi...]]

Fh&

Do you notice at all when holding you feel pretty ok. Then out of nowere more sx pop up. I feel like im grieving, not crying. I am not sure if it even real grief. Maybe its grief thats been covered  up. I am still on meds so im still numbed i guesd. Its pretty powerful. I never had this before. Very confusingm i have been holding 4 mos. This klonopin is a beast. I am not sure when to cut again oe how. I know nobody can tell me. Just wondering your opinion on this.

 

Hi DD,  I do have days when I'm holding after my cut stabilizes where I feel okay.  Then yes, my mood will drop down out of the blue.  This for me has been very particular with benzos. 

 

I have been grieving quite a bit while tapering along with the crying that comes from withdrawing from a medication.  For me the grief is from the medication has stolen time from my life.  I think grief is very much part of the withdrwal process. 

 

I think our grief peeks though even if we are still on meds.  I have other grief that comes though as well.  And since benzos affect our gaba (happy) receptors, it's very difficult to connect to the joy of life. 

[[De...]]

Thanks fh,

It's probably the grief I am feeling about the loss of my life too. It's weird because I notice when your grieving its feels like your grieving things you have already grieved. It all come back up. I know you have had it so long. I am so sorry. It's an awful feeling. These drugs are unbelievable. I hope your grief end soon. Ly dd

[[Fi...]]

Thanks fh,

It's probably the grief I am feeling about the loss of my life too. It's weird because I notice when your grieving its feels like your grieving things you have already grieved. It all come back up. I know you have had it so long. I am so sorry. It's an awful feeling. These drugs are unbelievable. I hope your grief end soon. Ly dd

 

DD, I do think because the benzos effect our gaba receptors and cause a temporary brain injury, that how we view our lives becomes really distorted.

 

I have looked back over my life, while tapering, and seen it in such a dark way. Things I have resolved have come back and its almost like i have had no pleasure, joy or accomplishment in my life, which is not true.  I've talked with other people who said they had this in withdrawal but it shifted once they got off and were healed. 

[[De...]]

Thats what I am doing too. Then i think i need to change myself im severly flawed. I did alot of good things. Im not perfect. I did some stupid things too. Maybe i am looking at things distorted. It all seems so real and true. Omg. My mind is tired. 

[[es...]]

FI, you made a good point. I have experienced the same grief. I have questioned everything I ever believed about my life, my essential self. My sense of trust, my sense of personal safety have been forever change.  And how does anyone not grieve the loss of that illusion of control that “normal” people have over their destinies? Espy

[[Tr...]]

Hi Final healing,

 

Thank you for those kind and wise words.

I spoke to my psychologist on the phone. I had already decided not to take an AD. And not to go to the hospital. Things had improved somewhat,  so I could think more clearly. She said I should try to stabilize over the next few weeks and that being admitted is just for acute emergencies.

It' s now 10 pm, and I feel OK. Except for my jelly legs and neuropathic feet. But no muscle or joint pain and no head pressure. Hope to be stabilizing again during a long hold.

It's hard to believe the gigantic difference there is between my mornings/ afternoons and evenings. Crazy stuff, these benzos.

 

Take care.

 

[[va...]]

Girls I have exactly this grieving thing you're both describing. All the time. I wasn't sure if it was partly the Lexapro that's gone, but now reading you I realize it's all Valium wd.

 

Troschetter I fully agree with everything that FH has told you. Please no psych ward. They'll make things worse. You were biking and all. I'd just stop tapering, what's the point? My therapist said yesterday what's the point of not being on meds if you can't function? I went to just one session to ask some family legal issues she knows about, but we talked about what happened to me in summer and she said if I can come off, better, but what's the use of coming off and being terribly sick.

[[De...]]

Same here espy. I feel that now. I even question myself. My own personality the way I think and what I ever believed. Was I right? It's pretty scary. I dont know how we come out of this.

[[De...]]

You too vali,

I guess it must be something you go through when coming of these heinous meds. I think the same thing happens with antidepressants.  I was on the sa thread and I have those same feeling they do. I am still on as. I am not sure I could ever get of them. Not after this. I dont see the point in rushing either. Especially when our emotions are in a fragile place.

[[Fi...]]

Hi Final healing,

 

Thank you for those kind and wise words.

I spoke to my psychologist on the phone. I had already decided not to take an AD. And not to go to the hospital. Things had improved somewhat,  so I could think more clearly. She said I should try to stabilize over the next few weeks and that being admitted is just for acute emergencies.

It' s now 10 pm, and I feel OK. Except for my jelly legs and neuropathic feet. But no muscle or joint pain and no head pressure. Hope to be stabilizing again during a long hold.

It's hard to believe the gigantic difference there is between my mornings/ afternoons and evenings. Crazy stuff, these benzos.

 

Take care.

 

I'm so glad you feel better Trochsetter.  Withdrawal symptoms are so strange and mind distorting that sometimes we just need the time and space to get our thinking back on track.  And yes, that doesn't mean we are feeling great but it gets back to tolerable. 

 

Take good care of yourself. 

 

 

[[Fi...]]

Girls I have exactly this grieving thing you're both describing. All the time. I wasn't sure if it was partly the Lexapro that's gone, but now reading you I realize it's all Valium wd.

 

Troschetter I fully agree with everything that FH has told you. Please no psych ward. They'll make things worse. You were biking and all. I'd just stop tapering, what's the point? My therapist said yesterday what's the point of not being on meds if you can't function? I went to just one session to ask some family legal issues she knows about, but we talked about what happened to me in summer and she said if I can come off, better, but what's the use of coming off and being terribly sick.

 

The grief is terrible.  Besides the depression, it's my worst symptom. 

[[Fi...]]

I wanted to share a link to a youtube meditation that I listen to when I can handle it.  Sometimes I'm too restless and it's hard for me allow myself to listen.

 

But, it's a benzo mediation and I find her both practical and comforting. 

[[De...]]

Thanks fh!

I will def listen too it!

[[Fi...]]

Thanks fh!

I will def listen too it!

 

Let me know what you think.  And any opinion is okay!

[[De...]]

Sure will! 

[[Mi...]]

Hi everyone I have a question how do u know if ur hitting tolorence? if things are getting worse before they get better? Wouldn’t that be tolorence ? Sorry I’m new to this & very afraid the groups on Facebook are not helpful and I had to leave most of them they are triggering:(

Also I should add all the medication switches that they did on me happened in 2017 could I still be feeling those effects?

[[Ma...]]

Hey Mia, imo that would just be withdrawal, I didn't really understand your signature.  Tolerance , this is how I understand it, is when you have been taking the same amount for so long, your body starts craving more before you understand usually there is a problem.  After you start tapering, I believe most issues and symptoms are withdrawal symptoms.  Hope I explained that okay  Mary 💜

[[Tr...]]

Hi everyone I have a question how do u know if ur hitting tolorence? if things are getting worse before they get better? Wouldn’t that be tolorence ? Sorry I’m new to this & very afraid the groups on Facebook are not helpful and I had to leave most of them they are triggering:(

Also I should add all the medication switches that they did on me happened in 2017 could I still be feeling those effects?

Hi Mia,

From my experience wd always got worse before it got better. Benzos have a lag time. You can cut and feel ok and then days can go by and you seem to be getting worse not better. That's how it's gone for me always got way worse before better.

You can find a lot of good information here on BB. People are very supportive here.

Trish

[[Mi...]]

I’m holding at the moment and have been for about 4 weeks that’s why I’m getting worried

[[Tr...]]

I’m holding at the moment and have been for about 4 weeks that’s why I’m getting worried

Mia,

I held for 6 months before I got better one time and 3 months another time. 4 weeks is really not enough time to feel better.

Here is what we do here. We do a sxs based taper, meaning we cut and then hold for as long as it takes to stabilize, however long that may be. It's different for everyone but in the almost two years that I've been here, I've not met anyone who felt good after only 4 wks. Even if they did feel ok usually those cuts caught up with them months later. It happened to me, I was cutting on average every two weeks, sometimes held longer bc of a cold or other common virus,  and then 6 months later I was sick as a dog. So honestly 4 weeks is definitely not long enough, that's a short amount of time in this game.

Trish

[[Mi...]]

I know what u mean everything went to hell when I did a huge cut in June then instead of holding I was making small reductions 🤦🏻‍♀️ And now holding ty for the support I truly need it Facebook is so scary

[[Tr...]]

Actually Mia I can remember when I was pretty new here asking that question. I wondered why I was getting worse when I thought I should be getting better.. But the previous cuts were catching up to me so the only thing I could do to not make matters worse was to hold until it all settled down. You will get better with a hold but you may have to hold months not weeks. I won't tell you how to taper but what I do now is tiny cuts with more generous holds in between. My last cut was December 28 th and I will hold until mid February. I recommend that you make tiny cuts with long holds in between them. It takes longer but it's less painful in my opinion.

Trish