The Long Hold Support Group

[[Va...]]

Thanks Gard for the link, I will look later, tired right now. Hope you are doing alright.

 

Valley how many days since your last cut, sounds like it is just catching up,. I now know that in 6 days I will usually feel something with my 14day taper. Hope you feel better.

Hi BG. It's been 4 days since hitting 10mg so about the right time for sxs to ramp up. I had tapered for about 30 days without a break to "test the water" and wanted to make it to 10 so I'd be halfway.  It looks like I will need to hold for a few days every couple of weeks.  Feel a little better today but I'm starting to have anxiety! Anxiety was one of the symptoms I have avoided until now. --V

[[He...]]

Thank you all for your replies. I got so many replies.

I guess there really is no magical answer.

I just feel so badlybecause my husband told me he is putting HIS life on hold for ME!

He goes about his life and I don't keep him from doing anything. I don't ask him to babysit me.

But I know he wants to take trips and do some traveling and I'm in no shape to do that.

That's one of the reasons I chose to try a  Long hold. So just maybe, the hold will enable me to stabelize  enough where I will be able to travel and we can go on short trips.

 

I haven't gotten off the Valium yet.

What's going to happen when I am in recovery???  (He doesn't even know about that! )

 

I feel like a real selfish person bec I'm doing this to my husband.

 

I am 70 and my husband is 73.

 

Last night he said, " you know we are old, who knows how long we have left. I am putting my life on hold and I don't have much time left, Who knows how long we live anyway."

 

I just dont know what the answer is!

 

I'm at a little over two months in my hold, better then at one month, but still not great. Have some very good days, some not so good, but very little absolutely horrible days. So I guess the hold is working.

 

About talking about how I feel .....

 

My husband is of course aware of how I feel, but I don't go around complaining.  And I don't talk to my grown children about it.  But everyone knows I feel badly in general and they all want me to hurry up and get well already. They have lost patience with me feeling sick. They think it is ME who has the power to just get better faster,

My husband wants me to say, hey I am cured. I am not in withdrawal anymore! But that just isn't so. It's not in my hands!

 

I can't hurry it up! I am not in control of this pace.

 

This is my real problem...,getting them to understand that I can NOT rush my taper. I can NOT rush the healing process!

 

Heathcliff,  a mess

[[ly...]]

 

 

Heath,

 

I am very sorry about this.  It's hard when our problems negatively impact others.  I've been married 36 years and am fortunate that my husband has so many friends and activities and a very busy work schedule.  Maybe once you get to feeling pretty good you should take a vacation from tapering for a while so that you can travel and have some fun.  I took 8 months "off" last year and had a great time.  Earlier this year when I did a 4 month hold, I could have resumed my taper after 2 months but wanted to enjoy myself for a couple of months.  I have never experienced "tolerance wd" so have no concern about holding too long.  Really, as long as we feel well, what difference does it make how long it takes to get to zero?  Why not take vacations?  I plan to.

[[He...]]

Lynne, thanks so much for your last reply.with advice Ive gotten on this wonderful site,  myhusband and I decided almost together that I should try a long hold.thats why I am at the end of two months. Hopefully I will get better and better and keep my hold for a very long time. You are right about living my life and not worrying about how long it takes to get off or the Valium.

 

Problem is I am not at the point yet that I am doing well enough to go on a long trip, But hope fully it will happen pretty soon as I'm getting better each day. Fewer bad days.

Thanks for the encouragement,again! I so appreciate you and the other buddies as well.

 

And tomorrow I have committed myself to my husband for a day long trip, perhaps the pacific coast highway and up to Santa Barbara....and I'm going to do it no matter how I feel,and I'm not going to tell him if I feel bad!  I'm just going to do it!

 

Thank you so much Lynne! :smitten:

 

Heathcliff 

[[be...]]

Heath I so wish I had a Husband to share with, the good and the bad, but you know when I started this third taper I put no time table and I have been blessed, but with you and having a spouse that is needing his fair share, of time and yes some good old together time. this is what I  would do, I would go back up to 1.25mg and stay there for a really long time and enjoy your life, it seems to me that you are going around in circles trying to outthink this Process, you will lose if you feel you can, it will bite your butt. At 70 unless it was life threatening I would just say OK, I am going up and I am going to enjoy my life with my Husband, because what is going to happen in the next few hours or days we have no way of knowing, Lynn has done long holds to get her life on track, Valley, and I have and I will tell you I do not live benzo terror each and every day, it does not mean you are a quitter, no sir, it means that you have control of the situation and choose to play the deck a different way. It is really not for me to say what you should do and I know you will be the one to decide, but I would consider what I have said, make a list of the pros and the cons and please do not worry about what others say on other threads, like Lynn said earlier she holds her own Council and I would say I do too, it feels good I tell you not to dwell on this 24/7, and if I had a Man not only would he be amazed at the Love and companion ship I would give him, but I would cherish each moment I had with him, life is much too short. The other thing is that you will be able to stockpile your benzo's and feel like I do, I will always grab that first if I had to run out of my Apt. I hope I have not distressed you further, just some food for thought. I hold you in high esteem Heath, because you are trying, but sometimes we are trying too hard, rest my dear.  

[[ga...]]

 

 

Hey Gard,

 

Thanks for the article.  Isn't that about someone who is here?  A moderator? 

 

 

Lynn, I don't know who the person is in the article who mentions BB. I do think maybe I found the link somewhere on this site a long time ago. Maybe. It was months and months ago.

 

Gard

[[ga...]]

V, Sorry you have hit a rough patch. Hope you get through it soon!

 

Gard

[[be...]]

Thanks again Gard, I finally got to the link.

[[Va...]]

Thanks for the well wishes everyone!  I went to pick up my scrip today and couldn't get my lower jaw to stop tremoring. It was like I had the chills but didn't, just the chattering jaw. The pharmacist definitely noticed it. It was embarrassing as I couldn't stop it lol. 

 

Sorry about the rough time Heath. I think BG has sound advice and the experience to back it up.  --V

[[ga...]]

Thanks for the well wishes everyone!  I went to pick up my scrip today and couldn't get my lower jaw to stop tremoring. It was like I had the chills but didn't, just the chattering jaw. The pharmacist definitely noticed it. It was embarrassing as I couldn't stop it lol. 

 

Sorry about the rough time Heath. I think BG has sound advice and the experience to back it up.  --V

 

Oh gosh, I've had that, too. It didn't last though. Hope yours gets better soon!

 

Gard

[[be...]]

Thanks for the well wishes everyone!  I went to pick up my scrip today and couldn't get my lower jaw to stop tremoring. It was like I had the chills but didn't, just the chattering jaw. The pharmacist definitely noticed it. It was embarrassing as I couldn't stop it lol. 

 

Sorry about the rough time Heath. I think BG has sound advice and the experience to back it up.  --V

 

Oh gosh, I've had that, too. It didn't last though. Hope yours gets better soon!

 

Gard

Sorry Valley, I hope you have a plan and it sounds like your Brain is repelling against the cuts, trying to catch up takes time, sometimes a lot of time, please do not push yourself too hard, we need our Valley.

[[ba...]]

Question: I am spending a lot of my time in heightened anxiety and panic. Just realized that's my worst experience with my most recent cut. That excess adrenaline, I believe, is what creates the physical symptoms. However, examining what I feel like most of the time, I realize it's that rock in my chest panic hyper agitated anxiety, then come the physical symptoms

 

I felt like this when I cut to 5.5, and felt stuck and stagnant, so I decided to move on with the taper. Vigorous sustained exercise helps tremendously, but I can't do that all day.

 

I was holding @ 5.5 for about 5 weeks, felt stuck, never got stable,  decided to start moving towards my goal of 3 doses as able. This is how I went from 5 to 4 doses: not everyday, but on days when I dosed later in the morning, and could hold out for longer in the evening. It took a bout a month to make it stick, but I got there. That was about 3 months ago.

 

I anticipate you good people saying my CNS is unhappy because the dosing is not consistent, but this was the only way I got down before. And, at 5.5 I simply wasn't getting stable, and my body seemed to be telling me to go ahead and push on, as I was having problems anyway. Tapering is painful anyway, sometimes waiting to feel better is not the solution, it's better to push on.

 

I started with the next cut of getting down to 3 doses was was what I decided. I did up my daily dose a bit so I am dosing at a total of 5 mg , a drop of .5, so it's not a severe overall reduction.  If I am going to hurt, at least I can get the psychological boost that I am moving forward. On days when I need that bedtime 4th dose, I made it smaller, my body seems ok with that.Have been doing that for a while anyway to prep for this.

 

My therapist commented that I have been in a heightened state of anxiety for a long time anyway, it is the "normal" for me.

 

I really do not want to go back up, I want to stay with this plan.

 

Normal?

Tips?

[[Va...]]

Question: I am spending a lot of my time in heightened anxiety and panic. Just realized that's my worst experience with my most recent cut. That excess adrenaline, I believe, is what creates the physical symptoms. However, examining what I feel like most of the time, I realize it's that rock in my chest panic hyper agitated anxiety, then come the physical symptoms

 

I felt like this when I cut to 5.5, and felt stuck and stagnant, so I decided to move on with the taper. Vigorous sustained exercise helps tremendously, but I can't do that all day.

 

I was holding @ 5.5 for about 5 weeks, felt stuck, never got stable,  decided to start moving towards my goal of 3 doses as able. This is how I went from 5 to 4 doses: not everyday, but on days when I dosed later in the morning, and could hold out for longer in the evening. It took a bout a month to make it stick, but I got there. That was about 3 months ago.

 

I anticipate you good people saying my CNS is unhappy because the dosing is not consistent, but this was the only way I got down before. And, at 5.5 I simply wasn't getting stable, and my body seemed to be telling me to go ahead and push on, as I was having problems anyway. Tapering is painful, start with the next cut of getting down to 3 doses was was what I decided. I did up my daily dose a bit so I am dosing at a total of 5 mg , a drop of .5, so it's not a severe overall reduction.  If I am going to hurt, at least I can get the psychological boost that I am moving forward. On days when I need that bedtime 4th dose, I made it smaller, my body seems ok with that.Have been doing that for a while anyway to prep for this.

 

I really do not want to go back up, I want to stay with this plan.

 

Normal?

Tips?

It sounds pretty normal BD. If sxs are bearable, stick with your plan. When you feel sxs worsening it's a sign to hold and slow down the pace a bit IMO. All we can do is keep trying.  --V

[[ba...]]

 

[[Va...]]

Thanks for the well wishes everyone!  I went to pick up my scrip today and couldn't get my lower jaw to stop tremoring. It was like I had the chills but didn't, just the chattering jaw. The pharmacist definitely noticed it. It was embarrassing as I couldn't stop it lol. 

 

Sorry about the rough time Heath. I think BG has sound advice and the experience to back it up.  --V

 

Oh gosh, I've had that, too. It didn't last though. Hope yours gets better soon!

 

Gard

Thanks gard and BG. I'm starting to think it was magnesium related. I haven't used it during my taper and took some about a half hour before I picked up my scrip to see if I could get some muscle pain relief. The tremoring wore off after a while so I'm suspicious that it was the magnesium. I can't believe how careful we have to be in what we use lol.  --V

[[ba...]]

Thanks for the well wishes everyone!  I went to pick up my scrip today and couldn't get my lower jaw to stop tremoring. It was like I had the chills but didn't, just the chattering jaw. The pharmacist definitely noticed it. It was embarrassing as I couldn't stop it lol. 

 

Sorry about the rough time Heath. I think BG has sound advice and the experience to back it up.  --V

 

Oh gosh, I've had that, too. It didn't last though. Hope yours gets better soon!

 

Gard

Thanks gard and BG. I'm starting to think it was magnesium related. I haven't used it during my taper and took some about a half hour before I picked up my scrip to see if I could get some muscle pain relief. The tremoring wore off after a while so I'm suspicious that it was the magnesium. I can't believe how careful we have to be in what we use lol.  --V

 

Didn't see the magnesium thing until now. Magnesium inhibits absorption of benzo's. So does fish oil, probiotics, most supplements. Learned the hard way, then researched it. Benzo's are absorbed through our digestive system, and multiple medications and supplements block absorption of our medication.

 

Essentially, if you can't eat it, don't take it. If your very acclimated to something prior to tapering when it comes to food, it shouldn't be an issue. Me for example, I still have my caffeine, it does not amp me. But, I'm not a sweet eater, and a cookie will rev me up, my body can't cope with it.

 

Thread on supplements:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=108766.0

[[An...]]

Anoushka,,I'm sorry you are struggling.

IMO Perhaps you need to hold longer than 28 days to stabelize before you startyour taper again. Perhaps you started to cut again when your brain had not caught up to your cuts. The wdfx you are experiencing may possibly be your brain saying " You are going too fast! I am healing. I need time to adjust before you cut again."

If you are experiencing very bad wdfx, it could be your brain telling you that you have tapered down too quickly, by making too many cuts, too fast. Maybe you need to give your brain time to heal and catch up to a taper that was too fast or too aggressive for you. It may need a hold of longer than 28 days. Maybe three or four four months. But most importantly, listen to your body and don't make any cuts based on a calendar. Cut on the basis of how you feel. Cut when you are feelingmuch better. Don't make cuts when you are having bad wdfx.

 

I had that happen to me, and a long hold, giving my brain time to adjust and heal, is working very well for me. Wdfx still come and go, but they are much more manageable.

.

You have to do what is best for you. But a hold of 28 days is not really a long hold. Maybe you need to hold much longer.

Rushing ahead only gives you bad wdfx. A slow and steady taper with long holds if necessary, listening to your body and how you feel, not a calendar, will most likely keep your wdfx at a minimum.

 

Good luck, don't rush your taper. Slow and steady will make your taper more bearable.

 

Heath

 

Thank you dear Heath for taking the time to respond.

I appreciate your time, and care

You are right, that I need to hold longer than 28 days to find some stability.

I have started another hold, a week old now. It is not smooth so far, and different symptoms show up.

The worst being the ever present anxiety, and these abrupt dizzy surges

Hopefully this hold will ease them up.

 

I read about your situation at home, and certainly I can identify with it. There is no one here who is interested in listening to my woes

And so, I keep quite. I am grateful to you, to dear V too who is here offering encouragement and support.

 

Dear MiYu, I hope that you are doing well too. Thank you for your response.

 

I remember what a kind buddy once said "We are all just walking each other home"

 

Wishing everyone on this wonderful thread healing blessings.

Love, Anoushka

 

[[be...]]

Thanks for your kind thoughts please be assured that many here are reading posts, sometimes I do not post, and in this instance Heath was so right on, that I let our dear Heath do her thing and she did it well. I am sure that sometimes posts get lost if there is a lot going on, and it gets pushed to the side, but please know you are not alone, this walk we are on to get to Wellness and Recovery can be dicey and when we think we have it figured out it will come back and bite us on our butts, stay the course you feel is best for you, and then sometimes it has to be tweaked, but I can assure you if you are doing a slow taper, and do not cut large amts, your Brain will thank you and will be allowed to heal, and yes holding does work, but it takes time, the way I know if I am doing it wrong, is if sx are many and horrible and I just can not find a soft spot, but because I have been on this train wreak twice before and failed because I cut too much too fast, I am blessed this time to have only blips and to know that it may take a long time, but that is OK, I am doing the walk so that someday down the road I can gently walk off, no jumping... for this gal. Best to you on your quest.  

[[He...]]

Begood,

You are so wise and compassionate. I wish you every good thing in this world! You don't really know who I am, yet you care so much and are spending so much time helping me. What a wonderful and kind person you are.

I am thinlking very hard about what you said. I have talked to my husband again about our decision about what to do. My husband thinks I should wait until after the New Year because I do seem to be having better days, even if we never know for sure if any given day will be good or bad.

 

We both want me to be okay by Christmas/ Hanukkah time because we have a big blended family get together at my son's desert house.

 

So I looked back at my journal and in the past two weeks I have had 10 pretty good to very good days and only 4 bad days. It's definitely going in the right direction.

 

Right now I have just reached about 2 1/2 months in my hold. If I wait and hold until dec 31, it will have been a good 4 1/2 months hold.  I remember ValleyUm saying it took him 4 months to really stabilize, but he held for two months more just to enjoy life. I think someone else had said that too.

 

So by holding a good 4 1/2 months I will know for sure if the hold is working. If I give up now, I will never know.

If I dose up to 1.25 now, it may not even work to make me feel better or stabilize. There is no guarantee.

 

So for now, the decision is to wait until Dec 31 and see what's happening. Hopefully I will be stable by then,  and then I will keep holding for a long  long time.  And hopefully my pdoc will be okay with it.

 

Nothing is set in stone. And I can change my mind at any time., I know.

 

Thank you for your kind suggestion and advice. It's still in my mind, and I have not really put it aside.

 

When I write what I am going to do, I think I am decided, but I never really know.

 

I'm so glad you understand and are there for me with the other buddies too.

 

Heath  :smitten: :smitten:

[[He...]]

Just saw a post here about fish oil, magnesium, probiotics and other supplements blocking the absorption of benzos.

Does that mean that taking these things will keep your body from getting the whole dose you are ingesting and your body will actually get less?

 

I have not started taking any new supplements on my tapering journey, however,

I have always taken fish oil, and probiotics. I never even thought about it.

I don't think I should stop now.

  But not exactly sure what the first sentence here means.

Does it mean that your brain will get the entire dose, but less  Valium will be stored in your fat cells?

 

Explain in simple terms please.

 

Heath

[[Va...]]

Just saw a post here about fish oil, magnesium, probiotics and other supplements blocking the absorption of benzos.

Does that mean that taking these things will keep your body from getting the whole dose you are ingesting and your body will actually get less?

 

I have not started taking any new supplements on my tapering journey, however,

I have always taken fish oil, and probiotics. I never even thought about it.

I don't think I should stop now.

  But not exactly sure what the first sentence here means.

Does it mean that your brain will get the entire dose, but less  Valium will be stored in your fat cells?

 

Explain in simple terms please.

 

Heath

Hi Heath. If you've been taking these supplements without any issues, there is nothing to worry about. There are supplements that effect some but not others others. It's our individual biochemistry that comes into play. Some claim magnesium to be beneficial but others have an increase in symptoms. Just go by how you feel when it comes to supplements.  I used to take several and now only take vitamin c. Just for an example, many eat yogurt which is basically probiotics and don't have any problem. I think it has to do with how well your digestive system is working. If it's working well, probiotics probably aren't needed but if you're have stomach issues it can be helpful.  --V

[[He...]]

Thanks Valley. I'll just keep taking what Ive been taking for many years. But nothing new.

Thanks, Heath

[[ly...]]

 

 

Hey Heath!

 

Did you make it up the Pacific Coast Highway?  I haven't been able to get those beautiful vistas out of my head!  I hope you had a nice day and with 10 out of 14 GOOD days you are def headed in the right direction!

[[be...]]

Just saw a post here about fish oil, magnesium, probiotics and other supplements blocking the absorption of benzos.

Does that mean that taking these things will keep your body from getting the whole dose you are ingesting and your body will actually get less?

 

I have not started taking any new supplements on my tapering journey, however,

I have always taken fish oil, and probiotics. I never even thought about it.

I don't think I should stop now.

  But not exactly sure what the first sentence here means.

Does it mean that your brain will get the entire dose, but less  Valium will be stored in your fat cells?

 

Explain in simple terms please.

 

Heath

Hi Heath. If you've been taking these supplements without any issues, there is nothing to worry about. There are supplements that effect some but not others others. It's our individual biochemistry that comes into play. Some claim magnesium to be beneficial but others have an increase in symptoms. Just go by how you feel when it comes to supplements.  I used to take several and now only take vitamin c. Just for an example, many eat yogurt which is basically pro biotics and don't have any problem. I think it has to do with how well your digestive system is working. If it's working well, pro biotics probably aren't needed but if you're have stomach issues it can be helpful.  --V

Heath I read the same post, and I have been on fish oil for years, just like Valley said, and I have not had problems, same with any foods, and I also take 20 million units of Pro biotics a day, that has helped with my benzo belly.

[[An...]]

Thanks for your kind thoughts please be assured that many here are reading posts, sometimes I do not post, and in this instance Heath was so right on, that I let our dear Heath do her thing and she did it well. I am sure that sometimes posts get lost if there is a lot going on, and it gets pushed to the side, but please know you are not alone, this walk we are on to get to Wellness and Recovery can be dicey and when we think we have it figured out it will come back and bite us on our butts, stay the course you feel is best for you, and then sometimes it has to be tweaked, but I can assure you if you are doing a slow taper, and do not cut large amts, your Brain will thank you and will be allowed to heal, and yes holding does work, but it takes time, the way I know if I am doing it wrong, is if sx are many and horrible and I just can not find a soft spot, but because I have been on this train wreak twice before and failed because I cut too much too fast, I am blessed this time to have only blips and to know that it may take a long time, but that is OK, I am doing the walk so that someday down the road I can gently walk off, no jumping... for this gal. Best to you on your quest.

 

How lovely you are dear begood

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my woes.

Thank you for the comforting words, and the reassurance.

I appreciate you very much.

My pattern has changed, and I am struggling with relentless dizziness, palpitations, anxiety.

I am mindful to do a careful taper, but for some reason these latest symptoms have no mercy

And so, I am doing another hold. Hopefully it will help.

Wishing you wellness, and healing blessings.

Love, Anoushka http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/Smileys/standard/smitten.gif