The Long Hold Support Group

[[ga...]]

Hey Valley, I think you are doing well on your taper, do not be swayed by going faster than you want, I have found that yes we can have a plan, but it sometimes has to be fine tuned and sometimes when we remember what it was like before, as I can attest to, it leaves no doubt in my mind about following my plan. I am wondering why we are being affected with the Neuro sensations, is it just because that part of our Brain is trying to heal, so far I am fine right now. Blips, but disconcerting for sure.

 

Hi Lynn glad to see you here, I have not visited for a while and I thought I would drop in. Have a wonderful day My Friend.

 

Hi Heath, I still read, but I do not always post, so don't feel like no one is around, sometimes I am doing other things also, I think you are doing very well and stay your course and breathe and just be Heath.

 

Hi Gard, and MiYu, thinking of you both, Stay Strong. Regards [glow=red,2,300]"THE TURTLE".[/glow]

Definitely Staying the course with the turtle route BG. I still have PTSD from the beginning of my taper. I'm not going there again if I can help it!  --V

 

Gosh, V. We have too much in common.

Besides my first trauma that led to the PTSD (that led to the benzo), I know the taper crash and how I have been treated by mental health people since then made it so much worse. When I had my Xanax crash it was like my brain fell out of my head. It scares me to think about it. It scares my daughter now that I am starting up again. I have told her I am going to go slowly and be as strong and independent as I can be for both our sakes. I want my confidence back. I don't want her scared she is going to have to rescue me from psych ward.

[[Va...]]

Hey Valley, I think you are doing well on your taper, do not be swayed by going faster than you want, I have found that yes we can have a plan, but it sometimes has to be fine tuned and sometimes when we remember what it was like before, as I can attest to, it leaves no doubt in my mind about following my plan. I am wondering why we are being affected with the Neuro sensations, is it just because that part of our Brain is trying to heal, so far I am fine right now. Blips, but disconcerting for sure.

 

Hi Lynn glad to see you here, I have not visited for a while and I thought I would drop in. Have a wonderful day My Friend.

 

Hi Heath, I still read, but I do not always post, so don't feel like no one is around, sometimes I am doing other things also, I think you are doing very well and stay your course and breathe and just be Heath.

 

Hi Gard, and MiYu, thinking of you both, Stay Strong. Regards [glow=red,2,300]"THE TURTLE".[/glow]

Definitely Staying the course with the turtle route BG. I still have PTSD from the beginning of my taper. I'm not going there again if I can help it!  --V

 

Gosh, V. We have too much in common.

Besides my first trauma that led to the PTSD (that led to the benzo), I know the taper crash and how I have been treated by mental health people since then made it so much worse. When I had my Xanax crash it was like my brain fell out of my head. It scares me to think about it. It scares my daughter now that I am starting up again. I have told her I am going to go slowly and be as strong and independent as I can be for both our sakes. I want my confidence back. I don't want her scared she is going to have to rescue me from psych ward.

You'll make it gard. I cringe every time I think back to the horror show when I began this journey. I kept waiting for it to get better and it didn't for a long time. It was shocking to be that out of it for so long however I've found cutting slow and holding when sxs start to increase is working well. There are a few sxs in the background but as long as they stay in the background I don't think much about them. Tapering has been much easier since holding and stabilising. I don't think we have to worry if we do this slow and steady. Learning the hard way at least taught me that. Hope you can get started soon! --V

[[an...]]

Hi All,

 

Yes, I agree that slow is the key to being functional and hopefully being able to walk off without problems.  I also think about just stopping this ridiculously small dose I am on, but I know better.  I have seen loads of improvement since my up dose and hold back in May.  I will be tapering for at least another year and even longer if I incorporate holds. It seems that my pattern now is cutting daily for a couple of weeks and then hold for a week or two.  The important thing is it is working for me.  I never want to go back to how I was feeling back in May. With the exception of wanting to rush through this taper, there is  no reason to.

 

I hope everyone else is doing well today.

 

((HUGS))  Anne

[[be...]]

Hi All,

 

Yes, I agree that slow is the key to being functional and hopefully being able to walk off without problems.  I also think about just stopping this ridiculously small dose I am on, but I know better.  I have seen loads of improvement since my up dose and hold back in May.  I will be tapering for at least another year and even longer if I incorporate holds. It seems that my pattern now is cutting daily for a couple of weeks and then hold for a week or two.  The important thing is it is working for me.  I never want to go back to how I was feeling back in May. With the exception of wanting to rush through this taper, there is  no reason to.

 

I hope everyone else is doing well today.

 

((HUGS))  Anne

Hi Anne, Amen to what you just posted. Although I have had some Neuro sx that have come fast and left, I will proceed like planned, I know that I am going to have blips, but since I am going so slow it will even out, and I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Doctors might say my dose is not therapeutic maybe not, but I can bet you a hundred dollars if I would just stop taking it I would be in Hell and I know better, having been there, honestly going to 0 twice fast taught me a hard lesson, so plan in place and hope that my sx are not too bad,then walk off and regain my Life. As I have said over and over, now I am glad I failed those first two times, because I have a gauge to how I feel and I am heeding the warning signs and I know fast does not win the race where Benzo's are concerned. Hope you are doing well.  

[[ba...]]

Question: Does CBD (cannibinoids) bind with gaba receptors? I have been searching for studies, sent off an email to a specific company who actually has studies, probably wont hear from them for a while.  Have been through the supplements forum, can not get an answer. Mostly, anecdotal stories. I do remember some European studies specific to CBD and benzo withdraw, but can't find them. I remember they said they were not cross tolerant, so felt it was safe to use CBD. This was a year ago.

 

Now, the only times I use it is when I can't get out of feeling like I am in constant anguish, and that has been the case for about a week. Got a new tube.

 

The CBD could also have nothing to do with the anguish I am in, but I have been feeling like my doses don't absorb and give me relief. Cut all supplements 2 weeks ago, felt better for a few days, then was right back in it.

 

I don't know if anyone in here has this information, but I need an answer.

 

Have been having horrid wd for a week, did a few rescue "bumps", then started using CBD lotion instead, and now I'm wondering if it's making things worse.

 

I feel like a total prisoner of withdraw and xanax. Determined to get back on track. No rescue doses today. The rescue doses were small "bumps" as I would hit 2 or 3 hours into the dose and the interdose wd would flare up. Have been easing off of them, will not take any today and get back on plan.

 

Mostly, I am wondering if the CBD is an inhibitor of xanax absorbtion. A year ago, when I first started using it, I read some studies, and they claimed it did not interact with benzodiazapines. These were from Europe, where more work has been done on the topic.  I am not so sure.

 

I need info if any one has any.

 

Also, I want to get back on to my taper, I could use encouragement, I feel like I am stuck. Can't stand the medication, can't get off of it. The sxs are so intense between doses, I want to scream or die. Not getting a break or relief at all, and I am dosing pretty high, cut to 5.5, about 2.5 weeks ago. a week ago, had a major episode, and the misery began.  I  have crept up with my cheating, and am now getting it back down. Each dose is plenty high, it simply does not give me relief half the time, and I am in anguish for 5 or 6 hours until my next dose. Whole days go by like this.

 

Thanks friends, I feel like shit physically and a failure. I am aware of kindling, I know, I suck.

 

 

[[an...]]

Hi All,

 

Yes, I agree that slow is the key to being functional and hopefully being able to walk off without problems.  I also think about just stopping this ridiculously small dose I am on, but I know better.  I have seen loads of improvement since my up dose and hold back in May.  I will be tapering for at least another year and even longer if I incorporate holds. It seems that my pattern now is cutting daily for a couple of weeks and then hold for a week or two.  The important thing is it is working for me.  I never want to go back to how I was feeling back in May. With the exception of wanting to rush through this taper, there is  no reason to.

 

I hope everyone else is doing well today.

 

((HUGS))  Anne

Hi Anne, Amen to what you just posted. Although I have had some Neuro sx that have come fast and left, I will proceed like planned, I know that I am going to have blips, but since I am going so slow it will even out, and I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Doctors might say my dose is not therapeutic maybe not, but I can bet you a hundred dollars if I would just stop taking it I would be in Hell and I know better, having been there, honestly going to 0 twice fast taught me a hard lesson, so plan in place and hope that my sx are not too bad,then walk off and regain my Life. As I have said over and over, now I am glad I failed those first two times, because I have a gauge to how I feel and I am heeding the warning signs and I know fast does not win the race where Benzo's are concerned. Hope you are doing well.

 

Hi Begood,

 

I have also learned the same about going slow.  My first taper was uneventful, and it was smooth all the way down.  By the time I was finished, I had no problems whatsoever.

 

As you know this time has been challenging.  Looking back, I should have either stabilized before starting the taper, or slowed way down last year.  I was decreasing by 10% every two weeks.  It was too much, and I think it all caught up with me in May.  Like you, now I know when to slow down and hold.  I am okay with it though.  As long as I can get by with minimal symptoms, I am happy.  I don't care how long it takes.  I have a feeling this will be one of the longest tapers ever, but it is working.  No way do I want to go back to how I was feeling back in May.  I could not leave the house due to constant chemical anxiety, BP spikes, and off balance feelings.  Begood, you are right about heeding the warning signs before symptoms have a chance to set in.  That is key. 

 

I hope you are enjoying the afternoon!!

Anne 

[[ly...]]

 

 

I think that BG had a quote on her blog that makes a lot of sense.  Something like this:

 

Listen to your body when it whispers...don't wait for it to scream.

[[an...]]

 

 

I think that BG had a quote on her blog that makes a lot of sense.  Something like this:

 

Listen to your body when it whispers...don't wait for it to scream.

 

Hi Lynn,

 

Love that quote!!  So true.

 

I hope you are doing well. 

 

Enjoy your evening!!

Anne 

[[Va...]]

Question: Does CBD (cannibinoids) bind with gaba receptors? I have been searching for studies, sent off an email to a specific company who actually has studies, probably wont hear from them for a while.  Have been through the supplements forum, can not get an answer. Mostly, anecdotal stories. I do remember some European studies specific to CBD and benzo withdraw, but can't find them. I remember they said they were not cross tolerant, so felt it was safe to use CBD. This was a year ago.

 

Now, the only times I use it is when I can't get out of feeling like I am in constant anguish, and that has been the case for about a week. Got a new tube.

 

The CBD could also have nothing to do with the anguish I am in, but I have been feeling like my doses don't absorb and give me relief. Cut all supplements 2 weeks ago, felt better for a few days, then was right back in it.

 

I don't know if anyone in here has this information, but I need an answer.

 

Have been having horrid wd for a week, did a few rescue "bumps", then started using CBD lotion instead, and now I'm wondering if it's making things worse.

 

I feel like a total prisoner of withdraw and xanax. Determined to get back on track. No rescue doses today. The rescue doses were small "bumps" as I would hit 2 or 3 hours into the dose and the interdose wd would flare up. Have been easing off of them, will not take any today and get back on plan.

 

Mostly, I am wondering if the CBD is an inhibitor of xanax absorbtion. A year ago, when I first started using it, I read some studies, and they claimed it did not interact with benzodiazapines. These were from Europe, where more work has been done on the topic.  I am not so sure.

 

I need info if any one has any.

 

Also, I want to get back on to my taper, I could use encouragement, I feel like I am stuck. Can't stand the medication, can't get off of it. The sxs are so intense between doses, I want to scream or die. Not getting a break or relief at all, and I am dosing pretty high, cut to 5.5, about 2.5 weeks ago. a week ago, had a major episode, and the misery began.  I  have crept up with my cheating, and am now getting it back down. Each dose is plenty high, it simply does not give me relief half the time, and I am in anguish for 5 or 6 hours until my next dose. Whole days go by like this.

 

Thanks friends, I feel like shit physically and a failure. I am aware of kindling, I know, I suck.

Hi BD. From what I understand, CBD is not cross tolerant nor does it affect GABA receptors. I do believe it causes anxiety in some but I don't know enough about it except some do well with it and others not so much. As for your taper, try to stabilize at one level and then proceed with the taper. By going up and down so often in your doses, your brain is probably confused and reacting negatively. Once you get stable, try to cut your dose slow enough to avoid the sxs causing you to "cheat". You may be overdoing things also. If you don't feel well, try to relax rather than push through. There are ways to distract that won't take so much physical effort. You aren't a failure and you don't suck!  You're just like the rest of us. Trying the best we can to get off these awful drugs. Give yourself credit for even trying. The majority who take benzos don't ever try to come off according to my doc.  --V

[[be...]]

Badlove, please do not think you are a failure, because if you feel that  way, I must label myself a failure also, this is not a an exact thing we are all going through and trust me we all make mistakes doing our taper, so I will say to you click on my red breathe below and just relax and be one with yourself, and remember that things can be fixed. As Valley said, you do not suck, and we are all in this together. I would advise deep breath, and make a concrete promise to yourself to stay off of the rescue doses, right now your Brain is on overdrive and it needs your attention, it needs to catch up with all the cuts and up doses. We are here for you and know that this is doable many have went before you and you will find your sweet spot, but it takes time, and an Acceptance that the Process will work.

 

Lynn I remember that quote, Shake placed it I think, it is a perfect one for all of us to embrace.  

 

[[Sh...]]

Lyn...couldn't agree more. Ive dealt with chronic pain for 2 years a while back. That was tough. But nothing compared to chemical mental sfxs.

 

Vally...2 more years?? So youre gonna take it real slow and steady? Fair enough mate. What ever you need to do. Youve got more inner patience than me though. I was so friggen done after my 9 month taper. I probly would have cold turkeyd anymore i had left haha.

Patience is very difficult. The thought of cold turkey crosses my mind once in a while and I have to push it back out and remember the nasty start to my taper. I want to get it over with but have to recertify this year and keep contracting for schools. Last year I almost didn't make it to the end of the school year. I don't even remember the last 2 months lol. All I remember is sitting in meetings drenched in sweat and trying to be coherent when speaking.  It was a disaster in the making. Luckily I crawled across the finish line and had the summer to regroup. Hope your current symptoms pass soon!  --V

 

Yes valley the thought of CT was always coming into my mind as well. Or even just a large jump from 2mg. I ended up spending another 3 months cut n holding from 2 to 0 which has hopefully helped my recovery. That sounds horrible in those meetings. This stuff is so bad. I remember going to work last year as a teacher when I had cut too much. The depression was crippling. I dont know how I got through that.

[[ga...]]

Hey Valley, I think you are doing well on your taper, do not be swayed by going faster than you want, I have found that yes we can have a plan, but it sometimes has to be fine tuned and sometimes when we remember what it was like before, as I can attest to, it leaves no doubt in my mind about following my plan. I am wondering why we are being affected with the Neuro sensations, is it just because that part of our Brain is trying to heal, so far I am fine right now. Blips, but disconcerting for sure.

 

Hi Lynn glad to see you here, I have not visited for a while and I thought I would drop in. Have a wonderful day My Friend.

 

Hi Heath, I still read, but I do not always post, so don't feel like no one is around, sometimes I am doing other things also, I think you are doing very well and stay your course and breathe and just be Heath.

 

Hi Gard, and MiYu, thinking of you both, Stay Strong. Regards [glow=red,2,300]"THE TURTLE".[/glow]

Definitely Staying the course with the turtle route BG. I still have PTSD from the beginning of my taper. I'm not going there again if I can help it!  --V

 

Gosh, V. We have too much in common.

Besides my first trauma that led to the PTSD (that led to the benzo), I know the taper crash and how I have been treated by mental health people since then made it so much worse. When I had my Xanax crash it was like my brain fell out of my head. It scares me to think about it. It scares my daughter now that I am starting up again. I have told her I am going to go slowly and be as strong and independent as I can be for both our sakes. I want my confidence back. I don't want her scared she is going to have to rescue me from psych ward.

You'll make it gard. I cringe every time I think back to the horror show when I began this journey. I kept waiting for it to get better and it didn't for a long time. It was shocking to be that out of it for so long however I've found cutting slow and holding when sxs start to increase is working well. There are a few sxs in the background but as long as they stay in the background I don't think much about them. Tapering has been much easier since holding and stabilising. I don't think we have to worry if we do this slow and steady. Learning the hard way at least taught me that. Hope you can get started soon! --V

 

Thanks, V. Yes, slow and steady. Also trying to build up my social resources while I'm in a less-horrible place so I feel less alone. It's been my daughter and I vs. the world for a long time now. We can't keep going this alone. Too exhausting and scary. So hard to watch her mental health deteriorate because of my taper.

[[ga...]]

Lynn, Anne, BG,

 

Wise words that I need to hear repeated often!

 

((Hugs))

Gard

[[He...]]

Heath her e, absoutely horrible. I guess 4 or 5 days of feeling so good, about 80% was just too  good to last.

Even this morning I felt great, but today I went to the market for a big load of groceries, then to the pharmacy for some things, cane home and unloaded  and put everything away.

Maybe I did too much.

Started to feel a bit bad in the market put pushed ahead anyway.

 

About 5:00 I started feeling awful, full blown wave. Horrible back pain, horrible!

Put  on AUSTRlian Dream cream that I just bought, . Didn't do a damn thing. Maybe made it worse?

Anyway, Still in a wave. It's 6:00 pm and I have no relief from my back. I'm hysterical crying. Why? It doesn't help! Is it the cortisol?

I hope it goes away soon.

I keep telling myself it is only a wave and it will be gone in an hour or two.

I hope I am right. Omg.this is horrible. I thought I was out of the woods. I am in DAY 60. Why is this happening? It's a wave right? It will go away. Right?

 

Heathcliff.    l

 

I hope you all are feeling good and continue to do so. Your posts sound like things are going well for all of you! I am happy for you all. Keep up the good times!

 

[[ly...]]

 

 

Wow Heath, so sorry!  I hope it goes away soon. 

[Guest [ha...]]

I'm sorry to seem clueless all the time, but with long hold...how often do you cut? I'm not sure what to do; been at .5 for five months...added in ssri early on at doctor's orders to help me come off benzo easier...didn't work; had terrible reaction to the ssri; doc kept pushing me for mos to get to therapeutic dosage; 40mg...lexapro...then left her for not listening to me; another doctor dropped me from 40 to 10 to nothing; been off ct for one month and still brain screwed up...horrible crying spells...terrible depression...wanting to know if I should press forward with a taper or hold some more?

[[ly...]]

 

Hard,

 

Sorry you are having such an awful time.  The SSRI looks like it may have set you back and will probably take some time to adjust from.  I'd probably give it longer if it were me.  Things get complicated when other meds are in the mix.

 

I hope that you get some relief soon. 

 

p.s.  just read your signature and it looks like you tapered pretty fast - this is ok for some with short usage, but certainly not all.

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you lynn33...what do people do when their anxiety is high so not to relapse...that's my fear that I'll start to feel my body needing more and will give in but I have to be strong.

[[Sh...]]

Hardtocope I remember after my SSRI threw me off I tried some 5HTP and helped a lot. Kind of took me out of that funk.

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you Shamo3...I might try that...this is so hard.

[[He...]]

Thank you for your caring and your response, Lynne.

It is now 9:15 pm and I am better.

I guess it was just a very bad wave. I am not used to such big waves.

I used to be in moderate to bad withdrawal 24/7 for many weeks with some Windows. As the Windows turned into really good days, I thought I was out of the woods.

After many good days with only blips, and because I was at day 60 in my hold, I really thought I was beginning to stabilize

When this horrible wave hit me I guess I freaked out. Thought it was going to last for days.

Thank god it is  on its way out. My husband was very supportive and that really  helped too. Sorry I went crying like a baby, but along with the pain I was mighty scared.

 

I must say that I am proud that I have stuck with my 1.2 dose through all of this, didn't updose, didn't give up on my hold. At least I am being strong enough to hold the ship steady for 60 days and still holding. I'm not taking anything except 3 mg melatonin at bedtime and 3.75 remeron about once every 8 days when sleep gets reAlly bad.

 

Thank goodness I have you buddies for support.

Well now I have another reason to keep my hold going. I am definitely not stable yet even after two months!

Hope tomorrow I am back to being in pretty good shape again.

 

Heathcliff, feeling much better and thankful

[[an...]]

Lynn, Anne, BG,

 

Wise words that I need to hear repeated often!

 

((Hugs))

Gard

 

((HUGS)) back to you Gard. 

 

Anne 

[[an...]]

Thank you for your caring and your response, Lynne.

It is now 9:15 pm and I am better.

I guess it was just a very bad wave. I am not used to such big waves.

I used to be in moderate to bad withdrawal 24/7 for many weeks with some Windows. As the Windows turned into really good days, I thought I was out of the woods.

After many good days with only blips, and because I was at day 60 in my hold, I really thought I was beginning to stabilize

When this horrible wave hit me I guess I freaked out. Thought it was going to last for days.

Thank god it is  on its way out. My husband was very supportive and that really  helped too. Sorry I went crying like a baby, but along with the pain I was mighty scared.

 

I must say that I am proud that I have stuck with my 1.2 dose through all of this, didn't updose, didn't give up on my hold. At least I am being strong enough to hold the ship steady for 60 days and still holding. I'm not taking anything except 3 mg melatonin at bedtime and 3.75 remeron about once every 8 days when sleep gets reAlly bad.

 

Thank goodness I have you buddies for support.

Well now I have another reason to keep my hold going. I am definitely not stable yet even after two months!

Hope tomorrow I am back to being in pretty good shape again.

 

Heathcliff, feeling much better and thankful

 

Hi Heath,

 

I am glad to hear you are feeling better.  I go through the same thing.  I feel great for a few days or even a week or two, and then get hit with symptoms out of the blue.    It can be so frustrating at times.  Just hang in there and it will get better.  It does sound like you are stabilizing though.  Your windows seem to be longer and more frequent.  Give it some more time.  I have no doubt you will soon stabilize.

Have a good evening,

Anne 

[[be...]]

Thank you for your caring and your response, Lynne.

It is now 9:15 pm and I am better.

I guess it was just a very bad wave. I am not used to such big waves.

I used to be in moderate to bad withdrawal 24/7 for many weeks with some Windows. As the Windows turned into really good days, I thought I was out of the woods.

After many good days with only blips, and because I was at day 60 in my hold, I really thought I was beginning to stabilize

When this horrible wave hit me I guess I freaked out. Thought it was going to last for days.

Thank god it is  on its way out. My husband was very supportive and that really  helped too. Sorry I went crying like a baby, but along with the pain I was mighty scared.

 

I must say that I am proud that I have stuck with my 1.2 dose through all of this, didn't updose, didn't give up on my hold. At least I am being strong enough to hold the ship steady for 60 days and still holding. I'm not taking anything except 3 mg melatonin at bedtime and 3.75 remeron about once every 8 days when sleep gets reAlly bad.

 

Thank goodness I have you buddies for support.

Well now I have another reason to keep my hold going. I am definitely not stable yet even after two months!

Hope tomorrow I am back to being in pretty good shape again.

 

Heathcliff, feeling much better and thankful

 

Hi Heath,

 

I am glad to hear you are feeling better.  I go through the same thing.  I feel great for a few days or even a week or two, and then get hit with symptoms out of the blue.    It can be so frustrating at times.  Just hang in there and it will get better.  It does sound like you are stabilizing though.  Your windows seem to be longer and more frequent.  Give it some more time.  I have no doubt you will soon stabilize.

Have a good evening,

Anne 

Heath I agree with what Anne has said, remember your Brain is trying to stabilize right now, and your sx's will be not good, the slight blips you will notice when true healing begins, and it will happen, but stay patient and try to distract even if you have to throw rocks at the walls, do something anything to take your mind off of everything. Hang in there. Time will be your Friend

[[Va...]]

Hi all. Heath so glad to hear things have improved!  I didn't have have the greatest day yesterday but feel better today. The up and down is certainly annoyimg.

 

Hardtocope it sounds like you've gotten very good advice. Just from what you've written, my guess is most of your issues are ssri related. They are very stimulating and can increase anxiety quite a bit. I would personally let the fallout from the ssri use settle and then see where you're at. Hope you get past it very soon! --V