The Long Hold Support Group

[[...]]

Hello everyone,

I am tapering Lorazepam, using daily taper. I drop .001mgs per day, with holds as needed.

I started to experience severe anxiety, and my BP elevating in late afternoons.

And so, I decided to do a long hold.

I am holding now for 28 days.

But symptoms have not improved, and many additional symptoms have shown up.

I do not know what is happening with me and this hold ... I am trashed each day ..

This morning I woke up with hip pain that moves from my hip to my joint and thigh.

I cannot walk freely.

Where did this come from? I was fine when I went to sleep. My body is killing me with aches all over, with no mercy since early afternoon. I have headaches, which is a new symptom, a heaviness in my head, surges of unsteadiness, burning skin, a terrible anxiety with stomach aches. Palpitations and elevated BP.

I had the hip problem some months ago when I stepped wrong.

I went to a DO who worked with my hips and legs, and the problem resolved.

Now it is back

What is going on? Can you please tell me? Has anyone here experienced these troubles?

Should I resume the taper? This is so very painful ..

Please give me your thoughts. I would be grateful.

Wishing healing blessings to everyone.

 

 

Thank you Anoushka for your response, I'm glad you are here... You will get good advice. May we all get through this with as much ease as possible ! 

 

Baddove, thank you for chiming in on the ' feeling worse when taking meds' question I had. And for saying what happens for you.i tend to have a couple of days when I feel better after cutting Dan then the symptoms hit. My last ( and only hold) thus far was about a month, as my tapering is also just beginning really.

I am pretty new to holding as a strategy , i have to give it a fair chance to work I think. Patience! Also thanks for the book review, I ordered it.

 

Heathcliff.... Great you are having more Windows!

 

Valley.... Don't over do it! 

 

Love and hope today is a good day for everyone 

 

Anoushka, I'm sorry you are having wore symtoms with your hold. I help for a month in September , and they cut almost 1/4 mg Valium in micro dosing, it is just over a week and I am having hellish symptoms again.... Different ones. One of my most difficult , apart from feeling like I have lead in my legs , is burning pain around my waistline and back ,really  horrible, and anxiety of course.

I don't know why symptoms get worse on a hold, but ValleyUm is great and I'm sure will advise you. I think it is just more healing of different things in the body, and that the symptoms will pass and then it is time to taper again. That is what I am planning to do. But it will make a very slow taper for me!

 

I plan to hold at least a month this time , more probably as I didn't do well when I started up again after September .

 

I'm sure ValleyUm will chime in and respond to you. 

 

Does anyone else's here experience this horrible burning pain in the soft tissue and muscles  around the waist ,especially in the back? It scares me..... Also so leaden I can barely move.... Feeling scared

MiYu

 

Thank you my dear MiYu for responding.

Especially as you are not feeling well I hope that the burning around your waist has gotten better and disappeared. It is sad that we must bear and suffer through these symptoms

But we must trust that we will heal and find our lives back.

I am thankful for you, and Heathcliff for having responded.

And grateful to Valley for taking the time to encourage and comfort, and for posting the propaganda.

I will be thinking of you, and come here to follow your progress, and cheer you on.

Wishing you healing blessings,

Anoushka

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/Smileys/standard/smitten.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

 

Thank you Anoushka for your response, I'm glad you are here... You will get good advice. May we all get through this with as much ease as possible ! 

 

Baddove, thank you for chiming in on the ' feeling worse when taking meds' question I had. And for saying what happens for you.i tend to have a couple of days when I feel better after cutting Dan then the symptoms hit. My last ( and only hold) thus far was about a month, as my tapering is also just beginning really.

I am pretty new to holding as a strategy , i have to give it a fair chance to work I think. Patience! Also thanks for the book review, I ordered it.

 

Heathcliff.... Great you are having more Windows!

 

Valley.... Don't over do it! 

 

Love and hope today is a good day for everyone  , hang in there Nova 

[[an...]]

Hi Heath,

 

I am so happy you are doing better.  I know what you mean about jinxing it though.  Every time I write that I am doing well, I get hit with symptoms again.

 

I am doing well here. I am cutting about 0.0008 mg each day, but I will hold again soon.  It seems I can taper for about a week or two, and then I need to incorporate a hold.  Seems to be working well.

 

I hope you have loads of windows today!!

Anne 

 

Anne,

 

How do you cut .0008mg each day? I am not nearly there but I am curious about how you do it. Are you using a scale and crushed pills? Are you using a syringe and liquid?

It's such a small amount! How do you do it?

 

And I am SO GLAD YOU ARE DOING SO WELL!

 

Heath

 

Hi Heath,

 

I prepare a liquid.  I place my 0.5 mg pill into 2 mL vodka and add 123 mL of water.  There is 0.004 mg drug per mL of liquid.  I have been decreasing by 0.2 mL (0.0008 mg) each day.  Today, each dose is 16.20 mL.  I measure out 16.0 mL into a graduated cylinder and then add 0.20 mL using a 1 mL syringe for my dose.  Tomorrow I will take 16.13 mL for each of my three doses and so on.  I get about 7 doses from each pill--enough for two days and one extra dose. In a few months I will need to reduce my daily cuts to about 0.0004 mg.  It takes me less than a minute to prepare my liquid and even less time to measure out my doses.  I created a spreadsheet to help me keep track of my daily doses.  Very easy.

 

I hope you continue to feel well.  The hold is certainly helping. 

 

Anne 

 

[[be...]]

Anne you are so right to take your time, and I also can not wrap my mind around how such a little dose can cause some blips and things when we are tapering, some on the boards say that if it that small just "Jump, just Jump" they say and it is going to be bad anyway". Not me, I also do not care if takes till the end of my Life, slow and my way or the highway, I can function and not be in a horrible state. Hang in there Anne you are doing well

 

Nova I am thinking of you always My "Sista".

[[He...]]

Anne,

Oh, now I get it!

So even though I am using liquid Valium, I can do that too, when the time comes, (in about a YEAR at least!)

 

When I mix my solution, I'll just add double the amount of water, etc, to make the amount of Valium to water much more dilute. I'll figure out exactly how much more to dilute it when the time comes.

Thanks for explaining that to me! I know it took you a while!

 

And best of luck for continued good tapering times!

 

Heath 

[[Sh...]]

Well I am now 15 weeks 'holding'. Almost at the 4 month mark. I am feeling a bit better and more clear headed. The crushing depression I've been dealing with is all but gone. It has been replaced with a morning anxiety though which is rough. Sick, hopeless feeling in my gut. And my intrusive thoughts/ocd is less severe. I am still very frustrated though as they are still there and really get me down. I wont be happy until they're gone. When will this end?

 

Tried inositol for the second time this past week without any luck. So now I've got some L-Tryptophan to try. Hope you are all hanging in there. This seems an impossible beast.

[[He...]]

Begood,

Omg, people are telling you to jump at 1.21 ? That's insane. I am at 1.2 and I am holding. And I am already apprehensive about a tiny cut that I will have to do in two or three months. I can never imagine jumping at even 1mg Valium.

 

You are so successful at the slow tapering you are doing. All power to you! I'm glad you won't  listen to those people who are telling you to jump!

 

Some people can do it, I know everyone is different, but for me, I have proven to myself that tiny cuts and long holds are my way to go.

 

Heath

[[He...]]

Glad you are making progress Shamo. Keep holding on!

Heath

[Guest [ha...]]

I'm still very green to all of this even though I've been on the forum for months; still have not determined a taper plan...I guess I'm a "long hold" as I've yet to move from .5 since my beginning huge cuts which started my downward spiral. After failed ssri which created in me horrific symptoms; brain fog/dp/dr, mood swings, agitation, hysterically crying (definitely not like me)...I'm currently in a withdrawal I believe from cessation of the ssri's...I just don't know how to begin...haven't had relief since the onset....the despair and mental distress seem to outweigh the physical at the moment though they alternate daily...

[[Sh...]]

I'm still very green to all of this even though I've been on the forum for months; still have not determined a taper plan...I guess I'm a "long hold" as I've yet to move from .5 since my beginning huge cuts which started my downward spiral. After failed ssri which created in me horrific symptoms; brain fog/dp/dr, mood swings, agitation, hysterically crying (definitely not like me)...I'm currently in a withdrawal I believe from cessation of the ssri's...I just don't know how to begin...haven't had relief since the onset....the despair and mental distress seem to outweigh the physical at the moment though they alternate daily...

 

Starting an SSRI did a similar thing to me. Made my mental SFXS 10x worse so I stopped after 2 weeks. It then too about 4-6 weeks for those SSRI withdrawals to disappear. It can be very scary. You might even consider a small updose to help settle you? I tried but it didnt seem to work for me at that stage.

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you Shamo...so you think that may be part of the problem? I haven't felt well in so long and much of it I tie to the ssri; not sure why it didn't work this go round, but it took a sane, functioning, almost through graduate school individual and turned me inside out...felt and still feel close to the edge...Did you feel funky after the ssri and it did eventually subside?

[[be...]]

Begood,

Omg, people are telling you to jump at 1.21 ? That's insane. I am at 1.2 and I am holding. And I am already apprehensive about a tiny cut that I will have to do in two or three months. I can never imagine jumping at even 1mg Valium.

 

You are so successful at the slow tapering you are doing. All power to you! I'm glad you won't  listen to those people who are telling you to jump!

 

Some people can do it, I know everyone is different, but for me, I have proven to myself that tiny cuts and long holds are my way to go.

 

Heath

Heath I am so sorry my post was confusing, I had a techie day out of hell, and not tracking well, tired. What I was trying to say that I read where buddies are telling others to jump at the dose I am on and I have even read 2mg, but this is very dangerous as we know, now I am signing off and going to bed. Hang in there you are going to be fine, stay your course and stay strong.

[[Sh...]]

Thank you Shamo...so you think that may be part of the problem? I haven't felt well in so long and much of it I tie to the ssri; not sure why it didn't work this go round, but it took a sane, functioning, almost through graduate school individual and turned me inside out...felt and still feel close to the edge...Did you feel funky after the ssri and it did eventually subside?

 

Yeah I certainly did feel funky...it messed me up badly. Put me into a state of panic and heightened anxiety where I barely left the couch for a month. SSRI's cause start up symptoms for everyone, even people who arent going through benzo WD. So put that on top of us who already ARE having benzo WD, and it can be disastrous. It did subside but I remember it took about 4-6 weeks to get back to just my 'normal' benzo WD.

[Guest [ha...]]

Thanks Shamo for sharing that...I was fearful these feelings would never end so to allow more focus on going off the Clonazepam...Yes, when I had the start-up symptoms, they were wretched-brain fog, heightened fears...stayed on couch too; just not myself....After ssri discontinuation, I feel about the same..not quite as bad but with a crushing depressive state and some lingering brain fog...

[[Sh...]]

Yep I had that depressive state after I stopped the SRRI too...Especially when waking up. Just felt like giving up on life. It did go away after a month. But probably best to hold you K for a while...

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you very much Shamo for relating; I've felt I was losing my mind...just a horrific state of being....I'll pray it ends soon...then on to the crap taper..ugh.

[[Sh...]]

There is no feeling that compares to that horror. I will never forget that. Hang in there and it will clear up. Hows your taper going?

[Guest [ha...]]

I sure hope it does...I appreciate it. Well, it's not really going b/c I haven't determined a direction yet; have sat at .5 this whole time since my initial cuts back in May which were huge...and done out of no knowledge of how to taper...I still don't know which route, how to do the math..etc...I'm kind of stuck in these symptoms...hoping to feel better but not wanting to wait forever to get off this mess; your sig shows your done...

[[Va...]]

I sure hope it does...I appreciate it. Well, it's not really going b/c I haven't determined a direction yet; have sat at .5 this whole time since my initial cuts back in May which were huge...and done out of no knowledge of how to taper...I still don't know which route, how to do the math..etc...I'm kind of stuck in these symptoms...hoping to feel better but not wanting to wait forever to get off this mess; your sig shows your done...

Hi hardtocope. Shamo is right. Let things settle from the ssri discontinuation and until you feel better and then start your taper again. Your brain will come back and the math for the taper shouldn't be an issue. Even if it is, the taper groups will do the math for you. Don't worry so much about how long it wopill take. Think more about being able to function as you taper off. It takes as long as it takes.  --V

[[Va...]]

Shamo my guess is that most of your prevailing sxs will resolve around the 6 month mark. That seems to be the common theme. Hope it's sooner though.  --V

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you Valley Um..I appreciate the advice...I feel terrible today; nausea...

[[ga...]]

Hello, thread. I have been quiet lately but have been reading. I'm glad to hear that some are chicken-turtle tapering with success. Sorry for those who are still having troubles. I do think that holding longer will help. I have been holding since February. I did a bit of a Q taper in there, but have not changed me L. Symptoms have generally gotten better except during the Q taper (awful). I stopped that taper when my sleep started to go bad, but I'm very glad to be lower on it.

 

I tried liquefying one of my 6 capsules L capsules. I need to liquefy 3 in order to taper again. Never had this trouble before, but liquefying caused a big spike in symptoms. So I am waiting 2 weeks to liquefy the next. And then 2 weeks to liquefy the next. At least that's my plan. We'll see. I am wondering if the spike was caused by the liquefying or if it is left over from the Q taper.

 

I could use some advice, support from some of you about how to start up again and face tapering again in the face of some life difficulties. When I started my hold, I had been trying to taper while experiencing some huge losses and pain. My doctor told me to stop tapering because of what was going on with my children (college age). Things have not gotten better.

 

So, you see, starting the taper again makes me scared not just for me, but for my kids. It reminds me that it was when I was tapering that all these bad things happened. Tapering is like a trigger back to that awful time when my family fell apart and I didn't even want to live. But my kids need their mom back. They need the strong, reliable person I used to be. I'm the only family they have. And the only way that will ever happen is if I can get off these drugs.

 

How do you face those demons of the tapering disaster so you can move forward again?

 

Gard, full chicken mode

[[Va...]]

Hello, thread. I have been quiet lately but have been reading. I'm glad to hear that some are chicken-turtle tapering with success. Sorry for those who are still having troubles. I do think that holding longer will help. I have been holding since February. I did a bit of a Q taper in there, but have not changed me L. Symptoms have generally gotten better except during the Q taper (awful). I stopped that taper when my sleep started to go bad, but I'm very glad to be lower on it.

 

I tried liquefying one of my 6 capsules L capsules. I need to liquefy 3 in order to taper again. Never had this trouble before, but liquefying caused a big spike in symptoms. So I am waiting 2 weeks to liquefy the next. And then 2 weeks to liquefy the next. At least that's my plan. We'll see. I am wondering if the spike was caused by the liquefying or if it is left over from the Q taper.

 

I could use some advice, support from some of you about how to start up again and face tapering again in the face of some life difficulties. When I started my hold, I had been trying to taper while experiencing some huge losses and pain. My doctor told me to stop tapering because of what was going on with my children (college age). Things have not gotten better.

 

So, you see, starting the taper again makes me scared not just for me, but for my kids. It reminds me that it was when I was tapering that all these bad things happened. Tapering is like a trigger back to that awful time when my family fell apart and I didn't even want to live. But my kids need their mom back. They need the strong, reliable person I used to be. I'm the only family they have. And the only way that will ever happen is if I can get off these drugs.

 

How do you face those demons of the tapering disaster so you can move forward again?

 

Gard, full chicken mode

Hi gard! The only thing I can offer is to start out slow. Get used to the liquid again and then do some small daily cuts and hold. See what happens and increase or decrease as needed. When I started again, I would cut 5 days and then hold until any symptom resolved. It was usually 2-3 days holding. Keep experimenting until you find the rate which causes very minimal or no sxs. I know it's scary to start again but the psychological boost helps. You can do this! Just listen to your body.  --V

[[be...]]

Hi Gard, I agree with V, see how it goes and you will see a pattern, do not worry if you get a tad sick when first starting the liq, if you hold for a few days and resume, it will even out and you will be able to proceed, anyway that is how it happened for me when I started my liq taper, and I did not even know about liq tapering until Mountainyogi told me about it, so we are here for you, come hell or high water. Stay Strong.

[[...]]

Getting worse the last few days on this hold... Day 13 since 1/4 mg V cut. Today I have difficulty breathing and hard to stand and walk..... Scary ..... Encouraging words anyone  :'(

Thank you