The Long Hold Support Group

[[Va...]]

QUESTION for those in the know......

 

I'm taking .6mg Valium two times a day.  (Liquid) totaling 1.2 mg daily.

 

I would like to switch to once a day dose in the evening.  ( is once a day dosing usually done in the evening or the morning?)

 

How do I do that? Add just a small amount more to one of the doses  and at the same time decrease the other dose by the same amount, so it is small and gradual?

Then do that about every 3 days until all the mg are in one dose and the other dose is gone?

 

I figure Valium has a long half life so maybe my body won't realize it and it will be ok?

 

I don't get any interdose wds.  And when I take my dose I get absolutely no discernible effect.

 

Is it wise to dose once a day? Or am I setting myself up for hitting a wall?  Will my body think I am cutting if I do that?

 

Being that I am not stable and am in the middle of a hold, is it best to change nothing right now? Or does it not really matter? Should I just leave things alone?

 

It is so hard to remember that morning dose.

 

Thanks , Heath

Heath, I would slowly move the doses closer so you don't have such a shock. You could try mocing them an hour closer every 3 days and see how your body responds. I moved mine all at once from 4 to 2 and didn't have many issues but I was on a much higher dose. I prefer evening over morning dosing. I am working on tapering out the morning dose but I think it's a personal preference. I just don't like the morning sedation. You could leave things alone and be fine also. Also, don't change anything while holding lol.  --V

[[...]]

Valley it is interesting that you have had the right side weakness, and I know all too well about the left side for me, maybe that is the side of my brain that is more affected I have no idea, but was glad it was just a random thing yesterday, but scary, but life goes on, and we do what we must. I truly believe that this time my Brain is slowly healing, I mean slowly, but so be it. Hang in there.

 

Heath thanks for the words of encouragement, it is always going to be one step at a time forward and some steps back, and time, lots of time, I can only pray that I will be able to walk off and get my life back. Hang in there and keep as busy and distracted as you can.

 

MiYu best to you also, this is not an easy Journey by no means, but many have went before us and there are plenty of success stories, and it takes time a lot of time and loads of strength to get through this. Hang in there.

 

Thanks Begood..... Same to you , we'll get there in the end, slowly but surely 

[[ba...]]

Baddove,

Thanks for the book recommendation. I read the first three chapters of the book which were  available for free on Amazon. I enjoyed it, but it seems that this person was addicted to opioids, not Benzos. Does it get into benzo withdrawal too? Or are both withdrawals basically the same journey. I know nothing about opioids.

 

Thanks, Heathcliff

 

 

I am halfway through the book. The author has gotten off of opiods, but just now realizes that the reason she never gets out of withdraw is because of another little pill  she has been taking for 5 years, oh shit. Getting ready for the second half, benzo withdraw. She starts cold turkey at first, like many of us do in ignorance. She just spent a page talking about finding this forum, benzo buddies.

 

My review so far, I like her style, She doesn't get scary and dramatic, but goes through all the horrors  addiction creates. And, it has just dawned on her that the xanax  is the problem.

 

My therapist also ordered her book. It's like  reading your own story, and everyone's story in here, but in a way that validates all the things,we feel and experience.

 

So far, I recommend it, highly. Will check back when I am finished.

 

Love to all. I picture many of us invisibly  holding hands as we get through our days, and toss and turn at night. We all have our own coping strategies, and we all really understand and genuinely  care about each other. This book feels like this group: honest, confused, and now horrified at the reization of what these pills have done to our brains.

 

I had a day from hell yesturday. I rode my bike, and threw up, not the first time. It was my grandmother's birthday, she died 6 years ago, she raised me. It was,also the day of a funeral for a friend.(I didn't  go, my family accepts that I don't go to gatherings in my current state.) I don't think those things caused my sympyoms to be so intense and non stop, but there it is. I decided my family wished I was,dead, and not our friend. I knew that was benzo brain, so I ran out and biked, barely able to see, crying and sick. I got 10 miles to my special place and threw up. Then I watched a fly fisherman whipping his fishing line around the river. It gave me some zen, even though I was in drunken sailor, bad thoughts, and afraid of passing out. I watched for an hour, ate a bit of cheese and cracker, then felt so much better physically and rode home without incident.

 

My telling you my little story from yesturday is how reading the book feels. It's  not scary, it's  familiar. We're  not alone, we are not crazy. Our cns is trashed, and we all soldier on, some of us knowing this will take years to recover from. We get suicadal, we don't  feel respected or validated, we don't  have a lot of people in ourlives, if any, who comprehend what we go tbrough. We are so afraid that everyone hates us, and don't  know if our families will be supportive or crticsl, but we know that we traumatized them and strain those relationships by our wd when all we want is some gentle envouragement, and to be told they still want us, like 20 times a day, because we forget they say it.

 

If your looking for a book to read that is not clinical, and not too heavy handed either, this is the one.

 

The book again is Accidental Addict by Linda Crew, available on Amazon via kindle and hard copy formats. Ms. Crew is a member of benzo buddies as well as an established author.

 

 

 

[[He...]]

Thanks baddove! 

 

That sounds like something I'd like to read. I think I'll get it from Amazon now  and not wait for you to finish reading it so you can give me another review. It sounds like a good enough review already. Thanks!

 

 

By the way, I read Beyond Benzos by Taite Adams, also available on Amazon. Its an ok book, but it is more for a person who knows nothing about benzo and withdrawing from them. It's more to educate  people  about what to expect and how to withdraw, etc. before they begin to taper so they know what to do and what to expect. It didn't tell me anything new.

 

Heath

 

Thanks!

 

Heath

[[ba...]]

I want to chime in on our doses making us feel worse. Every time I make a cut, I experience this. I explain my process as making a cut, experiencing nominal relief  and increased symptoms. After about 4 weeks it starts to calm down. Around 6 I start to feel more stable. I will hold for a shortvtime, then cutvagain, repeat cycle. I won't make a new cut until the current one stabilizes. I think its CNS distress, after experiencing it every time I cut. I'm  no expert, but this has been my experience from the beginning of tapering. My tapers vary in time, I let the state of my CNS dictate my timetable. It takes much longer than a few weeks for me to stabilize each time, hence, I have parked myself in this group, it's  the best fit for me.

[[He...]]

Thanks V,

Since I am in the middle of my hold, I will not change around my doses.

I'll keep them steady at .6. in the morning and  .6 In the evening.

Not going to mess around and mess things up.

 

But your idea of just moving the doses closer and closer together little by little is something I never thought of.

I'll keep that in my the back of my mind for when I'm ready to It.

 

Heath

[[An...]]

Hello everyone,

I am tapering Lorazepam, using daily taper. I drop .001mgs per day, with holds as needed.

I started to experience severe anxiety, and my BP elevating in late afternoons.

And so, I decided to do a long hold.

I am holding now for 28 days.

But symptoms have not improved, and many additional symptoms have shown up.

I do not know what is happening with me and this hold ... I am trashed each day ..

This morning I woke up with hip pain that moves from my hip to my joint and thigh.

I cannot walk freely.

Where did this come from? I was fine when I went to sleep. My body is killing me with aches all over, with no mercy since early afternoon. I have headaches, which is a new symptom, a heaviness in my head, surges of unsteadiness, burning skin, a terrible anxiety with stomach aches. Palpitations and elevated BP.

I had the hip problem some months ago when I stepped wrong.

I went to a DO who worked with my hips and legs, and the problem resolved.

Now it is back

What is going on? Can you please tell me? Has anyone here experienced these troubles?

Should I resume the taper? This is so very painful ..

Please give me your thoughts. I would be grateful.

Wishing healing blessings to everyone.

 

Hi anoushka,

I agree with everything MiYu said. I also believe that  ValleyUm , Anne, Lynne or BeGood will probably respond to you soon. They will give you great suggestions. They are all helping me through out my difficult journey.

 

But I thought I'd put my ideas into this discussion as well.

 

Iam a Valium person so I don't know much about lorazepam. But I do know for sure that the lower a person is  in  their taper, especially if a person is tapering too fast,  the more difficult the withdrawals may be.

It is wise to go very very slow as you get down in your dose. I see you are cutting .001 daily. That is a very small amount. So that's good. But perhaps you have not held long enough between doses in the past when wdfx have gotten worse?

 

If you add a signature to your post so the buddies will know where you are in your taper it might be easier for others to help you and give you good support.

 

Perhaps you are having a difficult time because you have not held long enough between cuts and you have inadvertently gone too fast in your taper? Perhaps your CNS has not had a chance to heal properly as you were cutting too fast, and now those (maybe too fast?) cuts are catching up with you? That might explain the worsening of your Wdfx. Perhaps it is time to do a longer hold to let you CNS catch up with your tapering.

 

But as far as wdfx go, the diversity of wdfx can change constantly. New ones come and old ones disappear, only to sometimes reappear at a later time. The ones you listed are ones I have seen posted here before. It can be scary and down right painful, but holding longer may help to get them to subside. Often a hold of 28 days is not long enough. I am sorry you are struggling so much.

 

I am in the middle of a long hold (almost two months and still holding), waiting for the wdfx of a too fast taper to subside before cutting again. I too have had new wdfx appear and others disappear. It's going to be a really long hold ( 3months at least) but it is working. I have heard that if you hold long enough to become stable, then when you start to taper again, the tapering goes more smoothly with less wdfx.

 

I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope your wdfx subside quickly. But don't rush your taper.  In my opinion, longer holds and smaller cuts  are the key and may just get you to a better place. And maybe more holds between cutting instead of daily cuts, even with a microtaper, may help. Especially if you are very low in your daily dose.

 

I hope that is of some help to you.

Heathcliff

 

Aww, dear Heathcliff,

I am touched that you took the time to offer me comfort and support

Thank you with warm gratitude.

All that you suggest makes sense, and it has helped me to understand what has been happening in my taper.

I held for 28 days, and resumed the taper, before checking here to see if anyone had responded

I am in it for 4 days now, with a daily dose of 1.611mgs.

Usually I taper .001mgs for 20 days, and hold for a week. This past time I lost count and tapered for almost 30 days, before realizing that I had gone beyond my normal. The ferocious wd symptoms awakened me that I was in trouble

What to do now? I am hoping that I get some guidance here, as to how to proceed.

I wish you a successful hold, dear Heathcliff. And thank you again your response

Sending you loving thoughts, and wish you healing blessings

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/Smileys/standard/angel.gif

Anoushka

[[An...]]

Hello everyone,

I am tapering Lorazepam, using daily taper. I drop .001mgs per day, with holds as needed.

I started to experience severe anxiety, and my BP elevating in late afternoons.

And so, I decided to do a long hold.

I am holding now for 28 days.

But symptoms have not improved, and many additional symptoms have shown up.

I do not know what is happening with me and this hold ... I am trashed each day ..

This morning I woke up with hip pain that moves from my hip to my joint and thigh.

I cannot walk freely.

Where did this come from? I was fine when I went to sleep. My body is killing me with aches all over, with no mercy since early afternoon. I have headaches, which is a new symptom, a heaviness in my head, surges of unsteadiness, burning skin, a terrible anxiety with stomach aches. Palpitations and elevated BP.

I had the hip problem some months ago when I stepped wrong.

I went to a DO who worked with my hips and legs, and the problem resolved.

Now it is back

What is going on? Can you please tell me? Has anyone here experienced these troubles?

Should I resume the taper? This is so very painful ..

Please give me your thoughts. I would be grateful.

Wishing healing blessings to everyone.

 

 

Anoushka, I'm sorry you are having wore symtoms with your hold. I help for a month in September , and they cut almost 1/4 mg Valium in micro dosing, it is just over a week and I am having hellish symptoms again.... Different ones. One of my most difficult , apart from feeling like I have lead in my legs , is burning pain around my waistline and back ,really  horrible, and anxiety of course.

I don't know why symptoms get worse on a hold, but ValleyUm is great and I'm sure will advise you. I think it is just more healing of different things in the body, and that the symptoms will pass and then it is time to taper again. That is what I am planning to do. But it will make a very slow taper for me!

 

I plan to hold at least a month this time , more probably as I didn't do well when I started up again after September .

 

I'm sure ValleyUm will chime in and respond to you. 

 

Does anyone else's here experience this horrible burning pain in the soft tissue and muscles  around the waist ,especially in the back? It scares me..... Also so leaden I can barely move.... Feeling scared

MiYu

 

Thank you my dear MiYu for responding.

Especially as you are not feeling well I hope that the burning around your waist has gotten better and disappeared. It is sad that we must bear and suffer through these symptoms

But we must trust that we will heal and find our lives back.

I am thankful for you, and Heathcliff for having responded.

And grateful to Valley for taking the time to encourage and comfort, and for posting the propaganda.

I will be thinking of you, and come here to follow your progress, and cheer you on.

Wishing you healing blessings,

Anoushka

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/Smileys/standard/smitten.gif

 

[[An...]]

Hello everyone,

I am tapering Lorazepam, using daily taper. I drop .001mgs per day, with holds as needed.

I started to experience severe anxiety, and my BP elevating in late afternoons.

And so, I decided to do a long hold.

I am holding now for 28 days.

But symptoms have not improved, and many additional symptoms have shown up.

I do not know what is happening with me and this hold ... I am trashed each day ..

This morning I woke up with hip pain that moves from my hip to my joint and thigh.

I cannot walk freely.

Where did this come from? I was fine when I went to sleep. My body is killing me with aches all over, with no mercy since early afternoon. I have headaches, which is a new symptom, a heaviness in my head, surges of unsteadiness, burning skin, a terrible anxiety with stomach aches. Palpitations and elevated BP.

I had the hip problem some months ago when I stepped wrong.

I went to a DO who worked with my hips and legs, and the problem resolved.

Now it is back

What is going on? Can you please tell me? Has anyone here experienced these troubles?

Should I resume the taper? This is so very painful ..

Please give me your thoughts. I would be grateful.

Wishing healing blessings to everyone.

Hi Anoushka.  So sorry you've found yourself in a place where you have to hold.  I believe it happens to most of us at one point or another during a taper although some just forge ahead with the taper regardless.  I believe it is smart to hold when sxs become intolerable to allow the brain and body a chance to catch up with the cuts. In most cases, when sxs become extreme and intolerable, it indicates that you have shocked your CNS fairly hard by removing more of the drug than your brain was able to compensate for and it may take a while for the systems affected in the body to calm down.  Sometimes we end up in the same shape as a rapid taper or a ct without having come off of the drug yet.  In some cases, it can take quite a while to finally reach stabilization and some find that holding doesn't work for them although I believe it works for most.  There are many other internal and external factors that can impact the success of a hold.

 

Just as an FYI. This is a summary of my 6 month hold as posted on another site:

 

My holding experience was a total roller coaster. When I started the hold, it took 6 weeks for the first window. I then didn't have any windows to speak of for quite a while. I had to make a goal with myself to make it to 3 months and then reassess again just to keep myself from cutting as I was very tempted to just forge ahead regardless of being close to being bed bound many times. The strange thing during the hold was the cycling of sxs. Some would drop off, but others would take their place. This played out all the way through the hold. At three months, although I noted some improvement, I didn't feel like I was in any shape to make a cut at that point. The non linearity made it difficult during this time as it was so up and down. I committed to hold for another 3 months just as an experiement, using myself as a Guinea pig. By the 4th month I noticed I was feeling markedly better but then had a setback at about 4 1/2 months. Finally at the 5 month mark the improvement in symptoms started to be more consistent and by month 6 the only thing I couldn't shake was depression. The depression lifted a few days after I started tapering again and I have felt consistently better the more I taper.

 

I had almost every symptom listed by Ashton and it was truly an exercise in patience to go 6 months, but it was definitely worth it and made tapering a lot easier when I started again.  I'm going to post the propaganda hold list for you to read so you don't have search through the thread to find it.  I do post it often so it doesn't get lost in the shuffle lol. Hopefully we can be helpful and answer your questions.  This group is very helpful whether you're holding or not. Glad you're here! --V

 

 

Dear Valley,

Thank you so very much for welcoming me here I am grateful for your kindness, and for the support of MiYu and Heathcliff who responded.

I am deeply saddened reading all that you have endured Yet you go on, and offer a helping hand where it is needed. I heard it being told, that you are a "good guy" and indeed you are <3

Thank you for your guidance, and your care. I wonder if you will offer me your thoughts about my predicament. Where do I go from here? I held for 28 days, and resumed the taper of .001mgs per day, thinking that my hold was not working and that I needed to move along.

I have been 4 days along, most of the vicious symptoms are gone, but I still have some, lingering around.

Not debilitating, but stressful, painful, and annoying. My heart symptoms especially are frightening

Should I stay here and taper for a few more days before doing another hold?

Thank you, I value your knowledge and common sense.

Lifting you in prayer, for your well being and healing.

Anoushka

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/Smileys/standard/smitten.gif

[[Va...]]

Hello everyone,

I am tapering Lorazepam, using daily taper. I drop .001mgs per day, with holds as needed.

I started to experience severe anxiety, and my BP elevating in late afternoons.

And so, I decided to do a long hold.

I am holding now for 28 days.

But symptoms have not improved, and many additional symptoms have shown up.

I do not know what is happening with me and this hold ... I am trashed each day ..

This morning I woke up with hip pain that moves from my hip to my joint and thigh.

I cannot walk freely.

Where did this come from? I was fine when I went to sleep. My body is killing me with aches all over, with no mercy since early afternoon. I have headaches, which is a new symptom, a heaviness in my head, surges of unsteadiness, burning skin, a terrible anxiety with stomach aches. Palpitations and elevated BP.

I had the hip problem some months ago when I stepped wrong.

I went to a DO who worked with my hips and legs, and the problem resolved.

Now it is back

What is going on? Can you please tell me? Has anyone here experienced these troubles?

Should I resume the taper? This is so very painful ..

Please give me your thoughts. I would be grateful.

Wishing healing blessings to everyone.

Hi Anoushka.  So sorry you've found yourself in a place where you have to hold.  I believe it happens to most of us at one point or another during a taper although some just forge ahead with the taper regardless.  I believe it is smart to hold when sxs become intolerable to allow the brain and body a chance to catch up with the cuts. In most cases, when sxs become extreme and intolerable, it indicates that you have shocked your CNS fairly hard by removing more of the drug than your brain was able to compensate for and it may take a while for the systems affected in the body to calm down.  Sometimes we end up in the same shape as a rapid taper or a ct without having come off of the drug yet.  In some cases, it can take quite a while to finally reach stabilization and some find that holding doesn't work for them although I believe it works for most.  There are many other internal and external factors that can impact the success of a hold.

 

Just as an FYI. This is a summary of my 6 month hold as posted on another site:

 

My holding experience was a total roller coaster. When I started the hold, it took 6 weeks for the first window. I then didn't have any windows to speak of for quite a while. I had to make a goal with myself to make it to 3 months and then reassess again just to keep myself from cutting as I was very tempted to just forge ahead regardless of being close to being bed bound many times. The strange thing during the hold was the cycling of sxs. Some would drop off, but others would take their place. This played out all the way through the hold. At three months, although I noted some improvement, I didn't feel like I was in any shape to make a cut at that point. The non linearity made it difficult during this time as it was so up and down. I committed to hold for another 3 months just as an experiement, using myself as a Guinea pig. By the 4th month I noticed I was feeling markedly better but then had a setback at about 4 1/2 months. Finally at the 5 month mark the improvement in symptoms started to be more consistent and by month 6 the only thing I couldn't shake was depression. The depression lifted a few days after I started tapering again and I have felt consistently better the more I taper.

 

I had almost every symptom listed by Ashton and it was truly an exercise in patience to go 6 months, but it was definitely worth it and made tapering a lot easier when I started again.  I'm going to post the propaganda hold list for you to read so you don't have search through the thread to find it.  I do post it often so it doesn't get lost in the shuffle lol. Hopefully we can be helpful and answer your questions.  This group is very helpful whether you're holding or not. Glad you're here! --V

 

 

Dear Valley,

Thank you so very much for welcoming me here I am grateful for your kindness, and for the support of MiYu and Heathcliff who responded.

I am deeply saddened reading all that you have endured Yet you go on, and offer a helping hand where it is needed. I heard it being told, that you are a "good guy" and indeed you are <3

Thank you for your guidance, and your care. I wonder if you will offer me your thoughts about my predicament. Where do I go from here? I held for 28 days, and resumed the taper of .001mgs per day, thinking that my hold was not working and that I needed to move along.

I have been 4 days along, most of the vicious symptoms are gone, but I still have some, lingering around.

Not debilitating, but stressful, painful, and annoying. My heart symptoms especially are frightening

Should I stay here and taper for a few more days before doing another hold?

Thank you, I value your knowledge and common sense.

Lifting you in prayer, for your well being and healing.

Anoushka

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/Smileys/standard/smitten.gif

Hi Anoushka. I have a more complete response via PM but the goal of a hold is to get rid of all sxs if possible. It makes tapering much smoother as you have allowed the CNS to catch up to the cuts. If it were me, I'd hold and see if you can rid yourself of the current sxs and then start again but only you can judge the severity of the sxs. Thank you for the kind words.  --V

[[...]]

I want to chime in on our doses making us feel worse. Every time I make a cut, I experience this. I explain my process as making a cut, experiencing nominal relief  and increased symptoms. After about 4 weeks it starts to calm down. Around 6 I start to feel more stable. I will hold for a shortvtime, then cutvagain, repeat cycle. I won't make a new cut until the current one stabilizes. I think its CNS distress, after experiencing it every time I cut. I'm  no expert, but this has been my experience from the beginning of tapering. My tapers vary in time, I let the state of my CNS dictate my timetable. It takes much longer than a few weeks for me to stabilize each time, hence, I have parked myself in this group, it's  the best fit for me.

d

 

Thank Baddove, I also seem to experience a bit of relief right when I make a cut... This will be my second hold , so I'm going to see if the 6 week mark makes me feel more stable. Symptoms efintely ramp up after cutting back. I don't think I've ever stabilized really, I was unstable before the taper from a year of hell with the steroids and other life stuff . I'd like to stabilize , I really would! Not that we escape WDs it seems, but at least get a little respite where we feel we can heal a little.

I'm grateful for this group too a there's not much support elsewhere for holding .

 

[[...]]

Baddove,

Thanks for the book recommendation. I read the first three chapters of the book which were  available for free on Amazon. I enjoyed it, but it seems that this person was addicted to opioids, not Benzos. Does it get into benzo withdrawal too? Or are both withdrawals basically the same journey. I know nothing about opioids.

 

Thanks, Heathcliff

 

 

Sorry for your awful day Baddove.... I hope you feel better , also thank you for the book review 

 

I am halfway through the book. The author has gotten off of opiods, but just now realizes that the reason she never gets out of withdraw is because of another little pill  she has been taking for 5 years, oh shit. Getting ready for the second half, benzo withdraw. She starts cold turkey at first, like many of us do in ignorance. She just spent a page talking about finding this forum, benzo buddies.

 

My review so far, I like her style, She doesn't get scary and dramatic, but goes through all the horrors  addiction creates. And, it has just dawned on her that the xanax  is the problem.

 

My therapist also ordered her book. It's like  reading your own story, and everyone's story in here, but in a way that validates all the things,we feel and experience.

 

So far, I recommend it, highly. Will check back when I am finished.

 

Love to all. I picture many of us invisibly  holding hands as we get through our days, and toss and turn at night. We all have our own coping strategies, and we all really understand and genuinely  care about each other. This book feels like this group: honest, confused, and now horrified at the reization of what these pills have done to our brains.

 

I had a day from hell yesturday. I rode my bike, and threw up, not the first time. It was my grandmother's birthday, she died 6 years ago, she raised me. It was,also the day of a funeral for a friend.(I didn't  go, my family accepts that I don't go to gatherings in my current state.) I don't think those things caused my sympyoms to be so intense and non stop, but there it is. I decided my family wished I was,dead, and not our friend. I knew that was benzo brain, so I ran out and biked, barely able to see, crying and sick. I got 10 miles to my special place and threw up. Then I watched a fly fisherman whipping his fishing line around the river. It gave me some zen, even though I was in drunken sailor, bad thoughts, and afraid of passing out. I watched for an hour, ate a bit of cheese and cracker, then felt so much better physically and rode home without incident.

 

My telling you my little story from yesturday is how reading the book feels. It's  not scary, it's  familiar. We're  not alone, we are not crazy. Our cns is trashed, and we all soldier on, some of us knowing this will take years to recover from. We get suicadal, we don't  feel respected or validated, we don't  have a lot of people in ourlives, if any, who comprehend what we go tbrough. We are so afraid that everyone hates us, and don't  know if our families will be supportive or crticsl, but we know that we traumatized them and strain those relationships by our wd when all we want is some gentle envouragement, and to be told they still want us, like 20 times a day, because we forget they say it.

 

If your looking for a book to read that is not clinical, and not too heavy handed either, this is the one.

 

The book again is Accidental Addict by Linda Crew, available on Amazon via kindle and hard copy formats. Ms. Crew is a member of benzo buddies as well as an established author.

[[He...]]

Some good news to share....I hate to jinx things......I am not super great......But I do find that I am getting better and better slowly.

 

Yesterday I actually went to a street fair and walked around a bit. Legs were weak, but I managed.

 

I had what I call a window from 3:30 until midnight, when I went to bed. Very very long window! i shouldn't have stayed up that late but i just was not tired. I stayed up until 12:00 midnight, way past my normal 10:00 bedtime bec a felt great!!

 

Oh oh, big mistake. I know that  when I stay up too late it messes up my sleep pattern. So of course  I only  slept for 2 1/2 hours and could not go back to sleep no matter how much I tried.

 

So. Of course I had a crabby morning, but.... again today, no wdfx except the neck. Felt good, ( but weak) all day.

It's 8:00 pm and I'm still ok!  Whoa! What's going on?  Two days in a row!

 

LOOKS LIKE THIS HOLD CERTAINLY IS WORKING! yay!

 

Shhhh.  Don't jinx it. I hope it lasts! 

 

I know things might go crazy tomorrow, life is presently a real rollercoaster,  but I know now that that is not out of the norm. ( if only my neck pain would go away, that would really be great!)

I just have to KEEP  HOLDING AND NOT JUMP AHEAD AND START CUTTING AGAIN TOO SOON. ITS ALMOST THE END OF TWO MONTHS. GOTTA wait until I am really really stable.

 

I am a bit scared that my pdoc will be upset that I haven't gotten down in my dose, but I did tell him that I was planning on holding at my 1.2mg for at least three months. I just  hope he doesn't try to rush me ahead of the time I need to hold.

 

HOLD.  HOLD.  HOLD.  HOLD.  HOLD.  HOLD

 

HEATH ,  very thankful! 

 

[[Va...]]

Some good news to share....I hate to jinx things......I am not super great......But I do find that I am getting better and better slowly.

 

Yesterday I actually went to a street fair and walked around a bit. Legs were weak, but I managed.

 

I had what I call a window from 3:30 until midnight, when I went to bed. Very very long window! i shouldn't have stayed up that late but i just was not tired. I stayed up until 12:00 midnight, way past my normal 10:00 bedtime bec a felt great!!

 

Oh oh, big mistake. I know that  when I stay up too late it messes up my sleep pattern. So of course  I only  slept for 2 1/2 hours and could not go back to sleep no matter how much I tried.

 

So. Of course I had a crabby morning, but.... again today, no wdfx except the neck. Felt good, ( but weak) all day.

It's 8:00 pm and I'm still ok!  Whoa! What's going on?  Two days in a row!

 

LOOKS LIKE THIS HOLD CERTAINLY IS WORKING! yay!

 

Shhhh.  Don't jinx it. I hope it lasts! 

 

I know things might go crazy tomorrow, life is presently a real rollercoaster,  but I know now that that is not out of the norm. ( if only my neck pain would go away, that would really be great!)

I just have to KEEP  HOLDING AND NOT JUMP AHEAD AND START CUTTING AGAIN TOO SOON. ITS ALMOST THE END OF TWO MONTHS. GOTTA wait until I am really really stable.

 

I am a bit scared that my pdoc will be upset that I haven't gotten down in my dose, but I did tell him that I was planning on holding at my 1.2mg for at least three months. I just  hope he doesn't try to rush me ahead of the time I need to hold.

 

HOLD.  HOLD.  HOLD.  HOLD.  HOLD.  HOLD

 

HEATH ,  very thankful! 

That's great! 

[[ly...]]

 

 

Hello everyone,

 

Thanking baddove for the wonderful post(s).  I am happy for you Heath!  Hope the windows continue!

 

My thoughts and wishes are with those here who continue to suffer.  :'(

[[an...]]

Hi Heath,

 

I am so happy you are doing better.  I know what you mean about jinxing it though.  Every time I write that I am doing well, I get hit with symptoms again.

 

I am doing well here. I am cutting about 0.0008 mg each day, but I will hold again soon.  It seems I can taper for about a week or two, and then I need to incorporate a hold.  Seems to be working well.

 

I hope you have loads of windows today!!

Anne 

[[an...]]

Hello everyone, just dropping in to let you all know that today was my last tapering day, and I am so glad to be holding again, it may be a month or 2, I am not sure right now. The fourteen days seemed to drag, and I was not without some blippy blips, I say these words, because it was not something I could not handle, but still worrisome. This go round I am still having some problems with sleep, but sleeping did have one really good lovely dream, Oh Boy. . I had lack of motivation during the last days of taper, and spent quality time in easy chair sleeping, but still managed to do my chores in a slower time, but got done. I had a small amt of tightness in that muscle in my back, but off and on and was able to get rid of it with my trusty 4 prong vibrator,{ yesterday I saw one similar at Walmart where they sell the vibrators, and it was $5 I would not sell mine for a Million Dollars, it tends to fit around that tightness and loosens it up]. I had one time where I felt a pulling of my body to one side and it was not a nice feeling, but have felt it before 1000 times worse, and yesterday, my left foot and leg was dragging, they felt like lead and then my Lt arm felt numb and swoosh had a real hot flash and it was gone and could walk again, I  have had something similar during my first two tapers, like a massive stroke coming on twice, hence my two failed tapers, I had to make a decision fast in the ER, life or Stroke. We all know what I chose. I also had some benzo belly and a small weight gain, but now have lost it over night. I will tell you that after that occurrence yesterday with my leg and arm, if I had not had just one more day, I would have stopped taper and held, but it worked out well for me. I know I keep saying I am glad I know pretty much what to expect and I can not change my tune, because I would be a mess wondering and doubting everything, but since I have been to the Rodeo twice, I am aware of the things I am going through and "I ACCEPT it and MOVE on", so that is where I am at, still not in a rush, and not listening to negative remarks and staying off threads that may cause me to regress, I got this and I hope to God I can continue with this mindset, until I gently [glow=red,2,300]"WALK OFF". Kindly The Turtle :smitten: :smitten: [/glow]

 

Hi Begood,

 

It sounds like you are doing well. You certainly have your taper under control.  I just realized that I am now tapering the same way as you are.  The pattern is cutting daily for a week or two and then holding for a while.    It is working much better than when I was pushing through and cutting every day.  It will take me a long time to get off this last little bit, but it is worth it to be able to live life without the horrid symptoms.  Like you, I experience "blips" here and there, but nothing compared to how I felt back in May.  I think we will both get off this drug without any problems due to the very slow pace of the taper.  We are giving ourselves plenty of time to heal, so by the time we are ready to "walk" off, I think we will be completely healed.

 

Have a great day!!!

Anne 

[[ly...]]

 

 

Great news Anne! 

[[Va...]]

Hello everyone, just dropping in to let you all know that today was my last tapering day, and I am so glad to be holding again, it may be a month or 2, I am not sure right now. The fourteen days seemed to drag, and I was not without some blippy blips, I say these words, because it was not something I could not handle, but still worrisome. This go round I am still having some problems with sleep, but sleeping did have one really good lovely dream, Oh Boy. . I had lack of motivation during the last days of taper, and spent quality time in easy chair sleeping, but still managed to do my chores in a slower time, but got done. I had a small amt of tightness in that muscle in my back, but off and on and was able to get rid of it with my trusty 4 prong vibrator,{ yesterday I saw one similar at Walmart where they sell the vibrators, and it was $5 I would not sell mine for a Million Dollars, it tends to fit around that tightness and loosens it up]. I had one time where I felt a pulling of my body to one side and it was not a nice feeling, but have felt it before 1000 times worse, and yesterday, my left foot and leg was dragging, they felt like lead and then my Lt arm felt numb and swoosh had a real hot flash and it was gone and could walk again, I  have had something similar during my first two tapers, like a massive stroke coming on twice, hence my two failed tapers, I had to make a decision fast in the ER, life or Stroke. We all know what I chose. I also had some benzo belly and a small weight gain, but now have lost it over night. I will tell you that after that occurrence yesterday with my leg and arm, if I had not had just one more day, I would have stopped taper and held, but it worked out well for me. I know I keep saying I am glad I know pretty much what to expect and I can not change my tune, because I would be a mess wondering and doubting everything, but since I have been to the Rodeo twice, I am aware of the things I am going through and "I ACCEPT it and MOVE on", so that is where I am at, still not in a rush, and not listening to negative remarks and staying off threads that may cause me to regress, I got this and I hope to God I can continue with this mindset, until I gently [glow=red,2,300]"WALK OFF". Kindly The Turtle :smitten: :smitten: [/glow]

 

Hi Begood,

 

It sounds like you are doing well. You certainly have your taper under control.  I just realized that I am now tapering the same way as you are.  The pattern is cutting daily for a week or two and then holding for a while.    It is working much better than when I was pushing through and cutting every day.  It will take me a long time to get off this last little bit, but it is worth it to be able to live life without the horrid symptoms.  Like you, I experience "blips" here and there, but nothing compared to how I felt back in May.  I think we will both get off this drug without any problems due to the very slow pace of the taper.  We are giving ourselves plenty of time to heal, so by the time we are ready to "walk" off, I think we will be completely healed.

 

Have a great day!!!

Anne 

I may have to switch to your methods Anne and BG. I've been cutting daily for over a month now. I'm still doing well but noticing more muscle pain, negative thinking and depression creeping back in. I've got to think this through some more as I know there will be some blips and am wondering if it's just blips or if I'm getting ahead of myself again. Hmmm....  --V

[[an...]]

Hello everyone, just dropping in to let you all know that today was my last tapering day, and I am so glad to be holding again, it may be a month or 2, I am not sure right now. The fourteen days seemed to drag, and I was not without some blippy blips, I say these words, because it was not something I could not handle, but still worrisome. This go round I am still having some problems with sleep, but sleeping did have one really good lovely dream, Oh Boy. . I had lack of motivation during the last days of taper, and spent quality time in easy chair sleeping, but still managed to do my chores in a slower time, but got done. I had a small amt of tightness in that muscle in my back, but off and on and was able to get rid of it with my trusty 4 prong vibrator,{ yesterday I saw one similar at Walmart where they sell the vibrators, and it was $5 I would not sell mine for a Million Dollars, it tends to fit around that tightness and loosens it up]. I had one time where I felt a pulling of my body to one side and it was not a nice feeling, but have felt it before 1000 times worse, and yesterday, my left foot and leg was dragging, they felt like lead and then my Lt arm felt numb and swoosh had a real hot flash and it was gone and could walk again, I  have had something similar during my first two tapers, like a massive stroke coming on twice, hence my two failed tapers, I had to make a decision fast in the ER, life or Stroke. We all know what I chose. I also had some benzo belly and a small weight gain, but now have lost it over night. I will tell you that after that occurrence yesterday with my leg and arm, if I had not had just one more day, I would have stopped taper and held, but it worked out well for me. I know I keep saying I am glad I know pretty much what to expect and I can not change my tune, because I would be a mess wondering and doubting everything, but since I have been to the Rodeo twice, I am aware of the things I am going through and "I ACCEPT it and MOVE on", so that is where I am at, still not in a rush, and not listening to negative remarks and staying off threads that may cause me to regress, I got this and I hope to God I can continue with this mindset, until I gently [glow=red,2,300]"WALK OFF". Kindly The Turtle :smitten: :smitten: [/glow]

 

Hi Begood,

 

It sounds like you are doing well. You certainly have your taper under control.  I just realized that I am now tapering the same way as you are.  The pattern is cutting daily for a week or two and then holding for a while.    It is working much better than when I was pushing through and cutting every day.  It will take me a long time to get off this last little bit, but it is worth it to be able to live life without the horrid symptoms.  Like you, I experience "blips" here and there, but nothing compared to how I felt back in May.  I think we will both get off this drug without any problems due to the very slow pace of the taper.  We are giving ourselves plenty of time to heal, so by the time we are ready to "walk" off, I think we will be completely healed.

 

Have a great day!!!

Anne 

I may have to switch to your methods Anne and BG. I've been cutting daily for over a month now. I'm still doing well but noticing more muscle pain, negative thinking and depression creeping back in. I've got to think this through some more as I know there will be some blips and am wondering if it's just blips or if I'm getting ahead of myself again. Hmmm....  --V

 

Hi V,

 

I find that holding for about a week is usually sufficient.  I used to just push on, but now if I feel the slightest symptoms I hold.  I do not want to end up where I was several months ago.  I up dosed because things got pretty bad.  A hold for a week or so after cutting for about 2 weeks really helps to keep the symptoms at bay.  Again, it will take me another year or probably longer (with incorporated holds)  to taper this last 0.194 mg, but I do believe that I will be able to walk off with no problems as long as I stick with the turtle taper.  It still amazes me that such a small amount can cause so many problems.  Then again, I am at the equivalent of 1.94 mg valium.

 

Anne 

[[no...]]

Hello all  I'm now 6 weeks into my hold, my symptoms are waving daily most of the time, and the last couple of days were bad I spent hem laying on the floor just breathing, I've had some symptoms get less troublesome, and others waving all day between aarrgghh!!!  Others bad but bearable  and other times okay  I've had new ones crop up and old ones I haven't had for year's since I was in unbeknown tolerance withdrawal hell for way over 10 year's or longer, as it came back to me I was actually sufering tolerance  withdrwal a LOT earlier on than I realised at my prescribed dose as certain symptoms are back during this hold I remember from many more than 10 years ago  and thought it was something else going on. 

 

Anyway after a crap morning as ALWAYS, mornings are really bad for me and If things are going to improve on any given day its later on in the day it happens. This afternoon isn't so bad right now but as I always say I still get shocked by how quickly  thing's can turn around of no rhyme or reason quite often. There still either not much or no let up in my worse symptoms I'm hoping will calm down a bit but sometimes I get a little break where its not great but bearable. I'm also getting agitated and finding it hard to keep still and having to fight to keep anger from taking over and like most of us I also have anxiety problems which is definitely one the symptoms mostly nobody  wants although others say they'd rather that than whatever happening to them sxs wise at the time symptoms.

 

Anyway if it wasn't for my supersonic bionic hearing sensitivity right now I feel I could go walk for ages even with pain as the pent up energy along with feeling the urgency of the  need to keep moving is a piss off together ( Forgotten the- A- word for this condition  ) . Its making me angry, very angry  especially as the guy upstairs has been doing something for hours and I keep hearing 'Donk! Donkk! a dull rhythmic thud over my head, and I've also got bad hyper vigilance so its not a good mixture at all

 

So that's it so far, I am very wavy daily except for the days when all I can do is lay down as its so bad  and things are happening, its still very up and down at the moment, and when its down its down. I've also been getting quite emotional over something that aren't really making sense to be crying over and others are good reasons to be, but I soon stop cry as  the tears feel like freaking acid in my eyes. 

 

And I have to fight the chemical depression and lack of motivation each mornings as I said mornings are the worse unless the whole day is bad, and I can see that its better than yesterday by this journal of a post I've just typed   I couldn't tell you what time it was where I lived yesterday if you had asked me or been able to type a reply, like I said before some time's we make teeny tiny subtle  improvements and  think nothings changing because we're too caught up looking for the big ones or constantly trying to analyse  every little thing which is another symptom in its self I believe Hope everyone gets some relief soon, and me from my !@%$^*)! neighbour ....

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

[[He...]]

Hi Nova,

Wow I can tell you are really struggling and I am so sorry for all that you are experiencing.

I am just approaching the end of 8 weeks,  but when I was at 6weeks, where you are at now, I was getting some pretty awful side effects too. I was so sick and discouraged and ready to give up my hold and start to taper again. I am glad I didn't give up and continued to hold.

 

That's because just last week ( at almost 8 weeks in my hold) I FINALLY started to get good Windows and some pretty good days. I hope they continue, but as you know, this journey is a rollercoaster!

 

So I hope you will hang on tight and know that one day soon, your good windows and good days will begin to pop in.

 

I hope easier days are upon you very soon. :

 

I hope easier days are forthcoming for everyone.

 

Heath

[[Va...]]

Hello everyone, just dropping in to let you all know that today was my last tapering day, and I am so glad to be holding again, it may be a month or 2, I am not sure right now. The fourteen days seemed to drag, and I was not without some blippy blips, I say these words, because it was not something I could not handle, but still worrisome. This go round I am still having some problems with sleep, but sleeping did have one really good lovely dream, Oh Boy. . I had lack of motivation during the last days of taper, and spent quality time in easy chair sleeping, but still managed to do my chores in a slower time, but got done. I had a small amt of tightness in that muscle in my back, but off and on and was able to get rid of it with my trusty 4 prong vibrator,{ yesterday I saw one similar at Walmart where they sell the vibrators, and it was $5 I would not sell mine for a Million Dollars, it tends to fit around that tightness and loosens it up]. I had one time where I felt a pulling of my body to one side and it was not a nice feeling, but have felt it before 1000 times worse, and yesterday, my left foot and leg was dragging, they felt like lead and then my Lt arm felt numb and swoosh had a real hot flash and it was gone and could walk again, I  have had something similar during my first two tapers, like a massive stroke coming on twice, hence my two failed tapers, I had to make a decision fast in the ER, life or Stroke. We all know what I chose. I also had some benzo belly and a small weight gain, but now have lost it over night. I will tell you that after that occurrence yesterday with my leg and arm, if I had not had just one more day, I would have stopped taper and held, but it worked out well for me. I know I keep saying I am glad I know pretty much what to expect and I can not change my tune, because I would be a mess wondering and doubting everything, but since I have been to the Rodeo twice, I am aware of the things I am going through and "I ACCEPT it and MOVE on", so that is where I am at, still not in a rush, and not listening to negative remarks and staying off threads that may cause me to regress, I got this and I hope to God I can continue with this mindset, until I gently [glow=red,2,300]"WALK OFF". Kindly The Turtle :smitten: :smitten: [/glow]

 

Hi Begood,

 

It sounds like you are doing well. You certainly have your taper under control.  I just realized that I am now tapering the same way as you are.  The pattern is cutting daily for a week or two and then holding for a while.    It is working much better than when I was pushing through and cutting every day.  It will take me a long time to get off this last little bit, but it is worth it to be able to live life without the horrid symptoms.  Like you, I experience "blips" here and there, but nothing compared to how I felt back in May.  I think we will both get off this drug without any problems due to the very slow pace of the taper.  We are giving ourselves plenty of time to heal, so by the time we are ready to "walk" off, I think we will be completely healed.

 

Have a great day!!!

Anne 

I may have to switch to your methods Anne and BG. I've been cutting daily for over a month now. I'm still doing well but noticing more muscle pain, negative thinking and depression creeping back in. I've got to think this through some more as I know there will be some blips and am wondering if it's just blips or if I'm getting ahead of myself again. Hmmm....  --V

 

Hi V,

 

I find that holding for about a week is usually sufficient.  I used to just push on, but now if I feel the slightest symptoms I hold.  I do not want to end up where I was several months ago.  I up dosed because things got pretty bad.  A hold for a week or so after cutting for about 2 weeks really helps to keep the symptoms at bay.  Again, it will take me another year or probably longer (with incorporated holds)  to taper this last 0.194 mg, but I do believe that I will be able to walk off with no problems as long as I stick with the turtle taper.  It still amazes me that such a small amount can cause so many problems.  Then again, I am at the equivalent of 1.94 mg valium.

 

Anne 

Thanks Anne! You would think I would know better. I started out using regular holds and decided to see what would happen if I just kept going. The sxs creep up so slowly you don't even realize it. The negative thinking is definitely a bad thing. It is the one symptom I need to avoid as it keeps me from being productive. I shouldn't have tempted fate lol.  --V

[[He...]]

Hi Heath,

 

I am so happy you are doing better.  I know what you mean about jinxing it though.  Every time I write that I am doing well, I get hit with symptoms again.

 

I am doing well here. I am cutting about 0.0008 mg each day, but I will hold again soon.  It seems I can taper for about a week or two, and then I need to incorporate a hold.  Seems to be working well.

 

I hope you have loads of windows today!!

Anne 

 

Anne,

 

How do you cut .0008mg each day? I am not nearly there but I am curious about how you do it. Are you using a scale and crushed pills? Are you using a syringe and liquid?

It's such a small amount! How do you do it?

 

And I am SO GLAD YOU ARE DOING SO WELL!

 

Heath

 

[[Va...]]

Hello all  I'm now 6 weeks into my hold, my symptoms are waving daily most of the time, and the last couple of days were bad I spent hem laying on the floor just breathing, I've had some symptoms get less troublesome, and others waving all day between aarrgghh!!!  Others bad but bearable  and other times okay  I've had new ones crop up and old ones I haven't had for year's since I was in unbeknown tolerance withdrawal hell for way over 10 year's or longer, as it came back to me I was actually sufering tolerance  withdrwal a LOT earlier on than I realised at my prescribed dose as certain symptoms are back during this hold I remember from many more than 10 years ago  and thought it was something else going on. 

 

Anyway after a crap morning as ALWAYS, mornings are really bad for me and If things are going to improve on any given day its later on in the day it happens. This afternoon isn't so bad right now but as I always say I still get shocked by how quickly  thing's can turn around of no rhyme or reason quite often. There still either not much or no let up in my worse symptoms I'm hoping will calm down a bit but sometimes I get a little break where its not great but bearable. I'm also getting agitated and finding it hard to keep still and having to fight to keep anger from taking over and like most of us I also have anxiety problems which is definitely one the symptoms mostly nobody  wants although others say they'd rather that than whatever happening to them sxs wise at the time symptoms.

 

Anyway if it wasn't for my supersonic bionic hearing sensitivity right now I feel I could go walk for ages even with pain as the pent up energy along with feeling the urgency of the  need to keep moving is a piss off together ( Forgotten the- A- word for this condition  ) . Its making me angry, very angry  especially as the guy upstairs has been doing something for hours and I keep hearing 'Donk! Donkk! a dull rhythmic thud over my head, and I've also got bad hyper vigilance so its not a good mixture at all

 

So that's it so far, I am very wavy daily except for the days when all I can do is lay down as its so bad  and things are happening, its still very up and down at the moment, and when its down its down. I've also been getting quite emotional over something that aren't really making sense to be crying over and others are good reasons to be, but I soon stop cry as  the tears feel like freaking acid in my eyes. 

 

And I have to fight the chemical depression and lack of motivation each mornings as I said mornings are the worse unless the whole day is bad, and I can see that its better than yesterday by this journal of a post I've just typed   I couldn't tell you what time it was where I lived yesterday if you had asked me or been able to type a reply, like I said before some time's we make teeny tiny subtle  improvements and  think nothings changing because we're too caught up looking for the big ones or constantly trying to analyse  every little thing which is another symptom in its self I believe Hope everyone gets some relief soon, and me from my !@%$^*)! neighbour ....

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

Sorry about the continued neighbor problem nova. It just reminded me that any bump or noise makes me jump and I'm in a quiet place most of the time so I'm sure it's hindering your taper. Have you had any window days? Hopefully all will turn around soon and you can beat this beast once and for all! --V