The Long Hold Support Group

[[Va...]]

Hello, Gang. All chicken-me did was dissolve one capsule and in less than 24 hours my symptoms ramped up again. Could this happen this fast from just dissolving one capsule? I will say that these capsules are very tough things. I tried dropping one in water-nothing. In vinegar-nothing. In vodka-nothing. So when I dissolve, I have to carefully open each little capsule and dump the powder into the jar. I wonder if it hitting my stomach as a liquid instead of as a hard-to-dissolve capsule makes a difference. Or is stomach acid so strong it doesn't matter what the capsule is?

 

Gard

Hi gard. I'm with BG on this one. I did notice a slight uptick in sxs when I started to liquefy. It seems the drug is used up faster and the effects don't last as long. My body did adjust but it took me a few weeks.  --V

[[...]]

Hello all.  Good news in the up and down roller coaster!

 

Today I woke up and got  the shakes and back ache within the first hour . But I decided to push through it because family were coming over. I had to get the house in order and I had to distract myself.

So I vacuumed the rugs and cleaned the floors. Made some soup. Set the table. I was pooped!

 

Then about 4:00 0 clock  I felt better.

 

At about 5:00 I felt "normal" !  I couldn't believe it! It would have been good to be  able to just get rid of the shakes But  to actually feel NORMAL, like I wasn't even in a taper, like I was really back to my old self before the Valium debackle! Was I dreaming? What a gift from god! It was incredible!

 

Of course I might feel like crap again tomorrow. What a letdown that will be!

 

But what a great surprise and what an encouraging event this is. Im still in this state if normalcy.  Don't want to go to sleep because my mornings are quite bad and I never know what tomorrow will bring.

But i have to go to sleep!

So here's to tomorrow morning. Maybe it will be good!

 

And here's to a good tomorrow for MIYU and BADDOVE  who I know are suffering.  May your better days be just around the corner. 

 

I'm still holding,  45 days so far, and it seems to be working. Even though I have my ups and downs and they make me crazy.

 

Heath

 

Heath .... So great you are having more Windows without a doubt! 

[[ga...]]

Hello, Gang. All chicken-me did was dissolve one capsule and in less than 24 hours my symptoms ramped up again. Could this happen this fast from just dissolving one capsule? I will say that these capsules are very tough things. I tried dropping one in water-nothing. In vinegar-nothing. In vodka-nothing. So when I dissolve, I have to carefully open each little capsule and dump the powder into the jar. I wonder if it hitting my stomach as a liquid instead of as a hard-to-dissolve capsule makes a difference. Or is stomach acid so strong it doesn't matter what the capsule is?

 

Gard

Hi gard. I'm with BG on this one. I did notice a slight uptick in sxs when I started to liquefy. It seems the drug is used up faster and the effects don't last as long. My body did adjust but it took me a few weeks.  --V

 

So it's not just me. There is something about liquefying. I want to liquefy one capsule from each dose (half of each dose). So far I've done one capsule. I was planning to wait a week and do another. Do you think that's too fast? I should wait longer? I was on Xanax before so this slow benzo thing is hard for me to figure out. L is just about as slow as V since they have similar active metabolites. Maybe even the same active metabolites. I remember reading something and can't remember the details, but they are very similar in their half lives and effects.

[[ga...]]

 

Gard, I am not sure about Librium but when I started my lig taper the first day and for about 6-7days out I had bad nausea, and I finally stopped for a week, then I restarted, your case is different, but I felt it the first time also and I was in no way thinking it would not work, I was gung ho, and then whoa it hit, so I am sure others will chime in, but I would not give up on it right away. I tried to continue, but it was bad, but then after a week it was fine. Best to you. [/i][/font][/size]

 

Thanks, BG. Hard to imagine the symptoms can hit that fast, but apparently yes.

[[ba...]]

http://i1088.photobucket.com/albums/i333/baddove9/issues/14568163_10154056932722098_6416025119709142339_n.jpg

[[ba...]]

http://i1088.photobucket.com/albums/i333/baddove9/issues/2016-06-18%2002.31.41.jpg

[[He...]]

MiYu, BeGood, Anne,

Thanks for your replies. YES, it certainly is so good to have a window of normalcy for a good 7 hours.

 

But I am back to a bad morning as expected.. but later in the day I'm sure will be better.

My morning awakening rushes of adrenaline and anxiety take time to subside. But they are almost gone and it's almost noon.  So that good.

 

Here's to a good tomorrow,

.

MIYU, BDDOVE, GARDNER,  I HOPE YOU HAVE A BETTER DAY TODAY.

 

And those who have been having better days lately, I hope they keep coming and your tapers proceed with ease.

 

Be good, so nice to see you here again !  after a couple of days.

 

GARD. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT LIBRIUM OR OPENING CAPSULES BUT I SURE WISH YOU THE VERY BEST IN FINDING A PLAN THAT WORKS FOR YOU. SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING FOR A WHILE. So glad you have others who are knowledgeable to assist you.

 

HEATH

[[He...]]

Baddove, I love the picture of bravery that you posted. Absolutely!

 

Heathcliff

[[ba...]]

Heath and everyone,

 

Hope those pics speak to you. Heath, I had 3 hours of the am shit fest, then started a window!!!!!! OMG. I have 45 minutes to my next dose, and am feeling the dry drunks, but those horrid waves of panic left. Don't know how long this will last, just nice to not feel electrified and overwhelmed with sxs and panic. It may not last through the afternoon, but I need those window breaks to survive this and have hope.

 

My therapist told me long ago, that when you get a window, or a good spell, don't try and replicate by what you ate, did, etc., it's your CNS, not anything else. So, Heath, just want to share that with you. Now that you have had one, you will get more, you will also get bad spells as well, both of us are really going through hell with our tapers.

 

I told my husband I can handle the dry drunks, the nausea, even the parasthesia and drunken sailor much better than the heightened anxiety and panic. The unrelenting 300 mile an hour brain and FEAR are the worst side effect for me.

 

I boiled 3 eggs for lunch and didn't burn the pan, and 2 of the eggs are edible, woot!

[[Va...]]

Heath and BD hang in there!  Even when a taper is going well, it can have some bumps. I had the worst nausea come out of nowhere today. I did get through some meetings but almost cancelled because it was so bad. Hope the windows return for everyone! --V

[[ba...]]

Heath and BD hang in there!  Even when a taper is going well, it can have some bumps. I had the worst nausea come out of nowhere today. I did get through some meetings but almost cancelled because it was so bad. Hope the windows return for everyone! --V

 

Thank you Valley, I lost my window, was expecting it.

 

I find a bit of salt helps nausea, not always, but sometimes.  A cracker and a bit of apple is what I try.

 

As I said, just getting an hour of feeling relatively normal a couple times a week is enough to keep me going. When I go for days and get no relief from the wd, things get real ugly in my head.

[[He...]]

V,

I'm sorry about your nausea. Nausea and dizziness are the worst for me. Actually, I guess all the wdfx are bad when you are going through them!

All I can say is eat easy, soft foods, little bits at a time. Ginger ale and warm tea and bits or crackers or dry toast usually work for me. But that's when I have a virus. I have only had nausea once as a wdfx. Never actually vomited. I hope it lets up very soon.  BeGood has also recommended ginger tea that you make by boiling ginger root. You can also purchase ginger tea .

Hope you feel better fast!

 

MiYu and bad dove feel better fast too! I know how it s to feel crappy!

 

Heath 

[[Va...]]

Thanks Heath and Miyu!  Now I'm wondering if it was withdrawal related as my wife and daughter now have the same nausea. This process is such a head game. I can't tell between withdrawal and normal sickness or just feeling crappy. Can't wait until this is over for all of us!  --V

[[He...]]

It's me again,  on the fast down side of the roller coaster. As good as a good day can get, that's how bad the next day can be.

 

Is there anyone on this forum who is taking any med for sleep?

I take remeron only intermittently ( once a week or less) 3.75 mg

 

My sleep  is getting to be worse and worse

of a problem than it has been in the past. If I am going to succeed in this hold, I just may have to take remeron more often, it scares my because I don't want to get addicted to it.  But if it is going to make a difference in my getting through this taper, maybe I should take it more  often. Just don't know what to do! Don't want to be addicted to TWO DRUGS!

 

Starting to think about some kind of detox since I am down to 1.2 mg Valium. Is it still ill advised to go to detox if a person is that low? I don't want to go but I don't sleep and my symptoms are sometimes absolutely crazy. I know, I know it's bad to go to detox. Why am I thinking of it? I must be nuts! But I am at the end of my rope!

 

I'm afraid to go down in my dose because I don't know how much worse the wdfx can get. Besides, I am supposed to be holding for a longer period anyway.

 

I wish I could be at peace. I am such a wreck. You must have heard this before from others. One day I'm way up and the next day my spirits are in the dumps. I know deep in my heart that detox is not advised. Oh please someone...HELP! This rollercoaster is killing me!

 

Do you think going down a tiny tiny dose will kill my hold? What if I went down.02 mg and then continued my hold... just to see what happens? Is that terribly bad? Would that be considered invalidating the hold?  Is that my mind playing games with me, only because I want to see that I have madeSOME reduction in my taper?

 

Again, please help me someone.

 

Heathcliff :-[.  Window only about two hours yesterday. Can't go without neck collar.

 

 

V, sorry your wife and daughter are nauseous but atleast you can tell it's probably not a wdfx if they are nauseous like you. I hope you all feel better shortly.

[[Va...]]

It's me again,  on the fast down side of the roller coaster. As good as a good day can get, that's how bad the next day can be.

 

Is there anyone on this forum who is taking any med for sleep?

I take remeron only intermittently ( once a week or less) 3.75 mg

 

My sleep  is getting to be worse and worse

of a problem than it has been in the past. If I am going to succeed in this hold, I just may have to take remeron more often, it scares my because I don't want to get addicted to it.  But if it is going to make a difference in my getting through this taper, maybe I should take it more  often. Just don't know what to do!

 

Starting to think about some kind of detox since I am down to 1.2 mg Valium. Is it still ill advised to go to detox if a person is that low? I don't want to go but I don't sleep and my symptoms are sometimes absolutely crazy. I'm afraid to go down in my dose because I don't know how much worse they can get. Besides, I am supposed to be holding for a longer period anyway.

I wish I could be at peace. I am such a wreck. You must have heard thus before from others. I know deep in my heart that detox is not advised. Oh please someone...HELP! This rollercoaster is killing me!

 

Do you think going down a tiny tiny dose will kill my hold? What if I went down.02 mg and then continued my hold... just to see what happens? Is that terribly bad? Would that be considered invalidating the hold?

 

Heathcliff :-[

Hi Heath. It seems the anxiety and fear may be getting the better of you.  Has sleep been an issue throughout your taper? I only struggled with it for a couple of months and it resolved for me. I know this is a different experience for all of us though so you may want to consider taking remeron more often to help you sleep.  At a low dose and used a few nights a week when you really need to sleep shouldn't make you dependent on it. I personally would resist the urge to cut right now. If your sxs are cycling like they are, it seems your CNS is working hard to normalise again. Even the slightest change may make things worse. As far as detox, I would definitely advise against it. It could set you up for an even worse experience. As long as you're the one in control of your taper you should be fine. At least it gives you the choice of how, when or what to do. Hope the roller coaster slows down!  --V

[[be...]]

Heath I agree 100% with what Valley just posted, and I would add, that if you think this is bad, Detox will tip you into a place of no return, you are going to have sx and if you go detox it is going to be hell on earth. Please remember that these thoughts swirling in your mind are Benzo lies, and they want you Heath, fight back and please find something to keep you distracted, if not you will be building more unlivable houses in your thoughts, please sit down, cleanse your mind and use the red breathe below, and then distract. Also I have a mindfulness CD that helped me during my first two tapers to calm me down and at times it put me to sleep, let your Brain Heal. here something I just read in a post.

                                  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=165844.0;topicseen

 

[[de...]]

good morning

 

 

Could someone please answer something for me..it didnt hit me til this morning that all the time i have taken k even before i started to taper the dose was always the same...

 

could i be struggling more cause my doses are so different cause even when tapering i was always told to keep the 4 doses as close to the same gms as possible..like i was before i updosed took .87 .87 .87 .87 then would cut .001 off 1 dose alternating doses..

 

well since i updosed back in may...and now that i weigh out the powder from crushing it that started in july..my weights per day are

 

.130 .130 .087 .130...and to me that .087 is throwing a wrench into it..i know at the end of the day its still 2.75 and i know about the half life but couldnt the difference and everything throw me off depending on how fast my body metabolizes the med?

 

and yet i dont think it would be a good idea just to make them all even at once and that would be a big change..

 

i am really struggling with everything from eating to walking and the heart rate..i cant go anywhere without being in a wheel chair and sure wish i knew what to do but the reason i am asking this is my son said why is the one dose so little..

 

would appreciate any help as i am just so sick and cant find any light anymore..i am just down and out

 

I have been holding at this dose since May and it seems like i am just getting worse

 

also i have the basic scale and i have found that it can be off quite a bit over the doses of one day..so do you think its worth the money to get the 900.00 scale pharmacy that goes out 0000 four digits so i could be more accurate.hubby says get it and so does my son and terri but just wondering if anyone has it and is using it..i know one person on the fb group that has it.

 

hugs

 

deep

 

[[He...]]

Thanks BeGood and VallyUm

 

You are right of course. Yes it's probably the fact that I was up more than half the night trying to sleep, full of anxiety, for another night. Never did sleep more than about 2 1/2 or 3  hours.

 

I just down loaded a mindfulness app. I'll try it many times and hope it helps.

And I will not be afraid to take the remeron if needed a bit more often.

 

Your support helped very much. Thanks for being there for  me, again.

 

I also think my problem is that I feel so guilty because I do believe I am ruining not just my life but my husband's life as well. I am mostly not feeling well enough to do anything except go to a restaurant for a quick dinner. My legs and neck don't let me have much fun and so I am not able to be a happy companion to my husband, and although he gives me some support and understanding, I know he wishes I would get finished with all this already so we can go back to having some fun together. I have ruined our lives, or atleast, the Benzos haveruined our lives.

I am just hoping that this hold will get me to a place  where I can live my life again with minimal wdfx and then taper really really slow.

 

I must get through this.

Heathcliff

 

 

[[Va...]]

Thanks BeGood and VallyUm

 

You are right of course. Yes it's probably the fact that I was up more than half the night trying to sleep, full of anxiety, for another night. Never did sleep more than about 2 1/2 or 3  hours.

 

I just down loaded a mindfulness app. I'll try it many times and hope it helps.

And I will not be afraid to take the remeron if needed a bit more often.

 

Your support helped very much. Thanks for being there for  me, again.

 

I also think my problem is that I feel so guilty because I do believe I am ruining not just my life but my husband's life as well. I am mostly not feeling well enough to do anything except go to a restaurant for a quick dinner. My legs and neck don't let me have much fun and so I am not able to be a happy companion to my husband, and although he gives me some support and understanding, I know he wishes I would get finished with all this already so we can go back to having some fun together. I have ruined our lives, or atleast, the Benzos haveruined our lives.

I am just hoping that this hold will get me to a place  where I can live my life again with minimal wdfx and then taper really really slow.

 

I must get through this.

Heathcliff

You will get through this Heath!

[[Va...]]

good morning

 

 

Could someone please answer something for me..it didnt hit me til this morning that all the time i have taken k even before i started to taper the dose was always the same...

 

could i be struggling more cause my doses are so different cause even when tapering i was always told to keep the 4 doses as close to the same gms as possible..like i was before i updosed took .87 .87 .87 .87 then would cut .001 off 1 dose alternating doses..

 

well since i updosed back in may...and now that i weigh out the powder from crushing it that started in july..my weights per day are

 

.130 .130 .087 .130...and to me that .087 is throwing a wrench into it..i know at the end of the day its still 2.75 and i know about the half life but couldnt the difference and everything throw me off depending on how fast my body metabolizes the med?

 

and yet i dont think it would be a good idea just to make them all even at once and that would be a big change..

 

i am really struggling with everything from eating to walking and the heart rate..i cant go anywhere without being in a wheel chair and sure wish i knew what to do but the reason i am asking this is my son said why is the one dose so little..

 

would appreciate any help as i am just so sick and cant find any light anymore..i am just down and out

 

I have been holding at this dose since May and it seems like i am just getting worse

 

also i have the basic scale and i have found that it can be off quite a bit over the doses of one day..so do you think its worth the money to get the 900.00 scale pharmacy that goes out 0000 four digits so i could be more accurate.hubby says get it and so does my son and terri but just wondering if anyone has it and is using it..i know one person on the fb group that has it.

 

hugs

 

deep

Hi deep. The irregular dosing could be a issue.  I'm not sure about K except that it has a long half life. I do know that my morning dose of V is much lower than the evening and I plan on eliminating it but V definitely has different properties. I'm wondering about using a scale to MT. Would it be easier to use liquid?  I would be concerned about the amount of actual drug I was getting if I used a scale as there are so many fillers. Just a thought. It seems many do fine using a scale. Have you seen any improvement at all during your hold? There seems to be something going on whether its your taper or some other health issue. I wish I could give you more advice. I hope someone using a scale will chime in. So sorry you continue to have it so rough. I was hoping everyone would be able to pull out of tapering purgatory by holding but some continue to struggle. We are here to support you! --V

[[de...]]

good morning

 

 

Could someone please answer something for me..it didnt hit me til this morning that all the time i have taken k even before i started to taper the dose was always the same...

 

could i be struggling more cause my doses are so different cause even when tapering i was always told to keep the 4 doses as close to the same gms as possible..like i was before i updosed took .87 .87 .87 .87 then would cut .001 off 1 dose alternating doses..

 

well since i updosed back in may...and now that i weigh out the powder from crushing it that started in july..my weights per day are

 

.130 .130 .087 .130...and to me that .087 is throwing a wrench into it..i know at the end of the day its still 2.75 and i know about the half life but couldnt the difference and everything throw me off depending on how fast my body metabolizes the med?

 

and yet i dont think it would be a good idea just to make them all even at once and that would be a big change..

 

i am really struggling with everything from eating to walking and the heart rate..i cant go anywhere without being in a wheel chair and sure wish i knew what to do but the reason i am asking this is my son said why is the one dose so little..

 

would appreciate any help as i am just so sick and cant find any light anymore..i am just down and out

 

I have been holding at this dose since May and it seems like i am just getting worse

 

also i have the basic scale and i have found that it can be off quite a bit over the doses of one day..so do you think its worth the money to get the 900.00 scale pharmacy that goes out 0000 four digits so i could be more accurate.hubby says get it and so does my son and terri but just wondering if anyone has it and is using it..i know one person on the fb group that has it.

 

hugs

 

deep

Hi deep. The irregular dosing could be a issue.  I'm not sure about K except that it has a long half life. I do know that my morning dose of V is much lower than the evening and I plan on eliminating it but V definitely has different properties. I'm wondering about using a scale to MT. Would it be easier to use liquid?  I would be concerned about the amount of actual drug I was getting if I used a scale as there are so many fillers. Just a thought. It seems many do fine using a scale. Have you seen any improvement at all during your hold? There seems to be something going on whether its your taper or some other health issue. I wish I could give you more advice. I hope someone using a scale will chime in. So sorry you continue to have it so rough. I was hoping everyone would be able to pull out of tapering purgatory by holding but some continue to struggle. We are here to support you! --V

 

 

Thanks Val for getting back to me...I have always used a scale and micro taped..and as far as the fillers i crush the pills and mix it before i weigh it since then i am not getting a piece with more filler it would be more evened out.  And no i havent seen any improvements at all and yet i know an updose is not the answer. There are days when i wonder after 35 yrs of 4 mgs of k a day if i can get off being 57 yrs old..I sure wish i would have just kept going like i was and would have never tapered at all...i did it because i thought i would feel better but that was not the case.

 

i have put on a few pounds i am now from 97 to 104 but thats been a real roller coaster too and i am struggling to hold onto that ..i cant believe that last year at this time hubby and me were on a wonderful fun filled vacation and today i have to be pushed in a wheelchair to go to a docs office.

 

thanks again my friend

 

deep

[[...]]

good morning

 

 

Could someone please answer something for me..it didnt hit me til this morning that all the time i have taken k even before i started to taper the dose was always the same...

 

could i be struggling more cause my doses are so different cause even when tapering i was always told to keep the 4 doses as close to the same gms as possible..like i was before i updosed took .87 .87 .87 .87 then would cut .001 off 1 dose alternating doses..

 

well since i updosed back in may...and now that i weigh out the powder from crushing it that started in july..my weights per day are

 

.130 .130 .087 .130...and to me that .087 is throwing a wrench into it..i know at the end of the day its still 2.75 and i know about the half life but couldnt the difference and everything throw me off depending on how fast my body metabolizes the med?

 

and yet i dont think it would be a good idea just to make them all even at once and that would be a big change..

 

i am really struggling with everything from eating to walking and the heart rate..i cant go anywhere without being in a wheel chair and sure wish i knew what to do but the reason i am asking this is my son said why is the one dose so little..

 

would appreciate any help as i am just so sick and cant find any light anymore..i am just down and out

 

I have been holding at this dose since May and it seems like i am just getting worse

 

also i have the basic scale and i have found that it can be off quite a bit over the doses of one day..so do you think its worth the money to get the 900.00 scale pharmacy that goes out 0000 four digits so i could be more accurate.hubby says get it and so does my son and terri but just wondering if anyone has it and is using it..i know one person on the fb group that has it.

 

hugs

 

deep

Hi deep. The irregular dosing could be a issue.  I'm not sure about K except that it has a long half life. I do know that my morning dose of V is much lower than the evening and I plan on eliminating it but V definitely has different properties. I'm wondering about using a scale to MT. Would it be easier to use liquid?  I would be concerned about the amount of actual drug I was getting if I used a scale as there are so many fillers. Just a thought. It seems many do fine using a scale. Have you seen any improvement at all during your hold? There seems to be something going on whether its your taper or some other health issue. I wish I could give you more advice. I hope someone using a scale will chime in. So sorry you continue to have it so rough. I was hoping everyone would be able to pull out of tapering purgatory by holding but some continue to struggle. We are here to support you! --V

 

 

Thanks Val for getting back to me...I have always used a scale and micro taped..and as far as the fillers i crush the pills and mix it before i weigh it since then i am not getting a piece with more filler it would be more evened out.  And no i havent seen any improvements at all and yet i know an updose is not the answer. There are days when i wonder after 35 yrs of 4 mgs of k a day if i can get off being 57 yrs old..I sure wish i would have just kept going like i was and would have never tapered at all...i did it because i thought i would feel better but that was not the case.

 

i have put on a few pounds i am now from 97 to 104 but thats been a real roller coaster too and i am struggling to hold onto that ..i cant believe that last year at this time hubby and me were on a wonderful fun filled vacation and today i have to be pushed in a wheelchair to go to a docs office.

 

thanks again my friend

 

deep

 

Deep , I'm so sorry for your struggles.....I too am 57.... That's not old! We have many good years ahead I believe once off these drugs. It'll be and is the hardest thing we will ever do , but you can do it! Does your husband know it will take a long time ? Ito good that he is there for you.

I wish I could advise you on the K dosing. Have you posted in a K withdrawal group?

I was afraid to switch to liquid myself as I've been so unstable all along . I crush my V pills like you do and weigh using a Gemini 20 scale. I think I will get a better scale , I think it's a good idea as these are not so reliable.

You'll make it, one day you will be free and happy again. 

 

Heath, sorry for your ups and downs , don't let the downs make y think detox is a good idea! You're doing great! And you are healing as you are getting Windows !

 

Valley , hope you are feeling better..... Great that you can taper again though.

 

I've had a rough few days after my 1/4 mg cut, days continue to be very hard. Does anyone feel worse after they take their morning V dose? I think because my body is already in a state of rest , and my heart beat is low, taking V when I wake up, ( my body wakes me up with a start usually exactly 12 hours after my eve dose, ready for the am V) slows it down even further. I used to fall back to sleep but now I just lay there feeling awful!

I'm dreaming a lot , sometimes nightmares..... I read that dreaming is a sign of brain healing ?

 

[[He...]]

Hi All, MiYu great post. I just turned 58 and I plan to have a much more fun and active life after the benzo is over. No, we're not old. Also totally looking forward to getting my faculties back. I read somewhere that benzo use and w/d causes the brain to send neural messages differently, but ultimately it's not brain damage.

 

Deep, I too suggest you check out the Klonapin Klub.

 

Heath, you have not ruined your life. Wow I wish I had a husband or even a friend to go out with.

 

For nausea, people, Immodium. Even start with 1/2 tablet. Usually I would take 1 tablet. And I would eat bananas and yogurt when I couldn't take anything else. Just make sure to hydrate well. Nausea was too debilitating for me so I had to resort to that and it worked well. It was so bad that my past doc even Rx'd a med for people undergoing chemo. But I didn't resort to that.

 

I'm holding now due to a long-lasting cold. Just a lot of clearing. Good thoughts and energy to all, HM

[[de...]]

thanks to the both of you for telling me about the klonopin club but i have been on that thread for over 2 yrs..and know most there..

 

i posted this post on 3 threads that i am on so i could get more input with the scales and what some have done when it seems like everything they have tried has not worked or they have gotten worse..

 

thanks again

 

deep

[[Va...]]

good morning

 

 

Could someone please answer something for me..it didnt hit me til this morning that all the time i have taken k even before i started to taper the dose was always the same...

 

could i be struggling more cause my doses are so different cause even when tapering i was always told to keep the 4 doses as close to the same gms as possible..like i was before i updosed took .87 .87 .87 .87 then would cut .001 off 1 dose alternating doses..

 

well since i updosed back in may...and now that i weigh out the powder from crushing it that started in july..my weights per day are

 

.130 .130 .087 .130...and to me that .087 is throwing a wrench into it..i know at the end of the day its still 2.75 and i know about the half life but couldnt the difference and everything throw me off depending on how fast my body metabolizes the med?

 

and yet i dont think it would be a good idea just to make them all even at once and that would be a big change..

 

i am really struggling with everything from eating to walking and the heart rate..i cant go anywhere without being in a wheel chair and sure wish i knew what to do but the reason i am asking this is my son said why is the one dose so little..

 

would appreciate any help as i am just so sick and cant find any light anymore..i am just down and out

 

I have been holding at this dose since May and it seems like i am just getting worse

 

also i have the basic scale and i have found that it can be off quite a bit over the doses of one day..so do you think its worth the money to get the 900.00 scale pharmacy that goes out 0000 four digits so i could be more accurate.hubby says get it and so does my son and terri but just wondering if anyone has it and is using it..i know one person on the fb group that has it.

 

hugs

 

deep

Hi deep. The irregular dosing could be a issue.  I'm not sure about K except that it has a long half life. I do know that my morning dose of V is much lower than the evening and I plan on eliminating it but V definitely has different properties. I'm wondering about using a scale to MT. Would it be easier to use liquid?  I would be concerned about the amount of actual drug I was getting if I used a scale as there are so many fillers. Just a thought. It seems many do fine using a scale. Have you seen any improvement at all during your hold? There seems to be something going on whether its your taper or some other health issue. I wish I could give you more advice. I hope someone using a scale will chime in. So sorry you continue to have it so rough. I was hoping everyone would be able to pull out of tapering purgatory by holding but some continue to struggle. We are here to support you! --V

 

 

Thanks Val for getting back to me...I have always used a scale and micro taped..and as far as the fillers i crush the pills and mix it before i weigh it since then i am not getting a piece with more filler it would be more evened out.  And no i havent seen any improvements at all and yet i know an updose is not the answer. There are days when i wonder after 35 yrs of 4 mgs of k a day if i can get off being 57 yrs old..I sure wish i would have just kept going like i was and would have never tapered at all...i did it because i thought i would feel better but that was not the case.

 

i have put on a few pounds i am now from 97 to 104 but thats been a real roller coaster too and i am struggling to hold onto that ..i cant believe that last year at this time hubby and me were on a wonderful fun filled vacation and today i have to be pushed in a wheelchair to go to a docs office.

 

thanks again my friend

 

deep

I wish I knew what to tell you deep. I am noticing a common theme on this thread. K seems to be more insidious to taper and doesn't respond as well to holds than the other benzos. I'm not exactly sure why.  You're still having the swallowing issue, right? I hope you can get that under control.

 

Is crossing to V an option? I really hate mentioning a cross to anyone and only bring it up if they have continued to have a difficult time tapering the original benzo. It seems in those cases, it seems to be effective in relieving many of the symptoms but the crossover has issues of its own so I would only look into it if your health continues to suffer (if it's even an option). Have you talked to Kgirl at all? She did a combination of V and K and might be able to give some insight.

 

Don't worry about your husband. I feel guilty too. My wife mentioned we don't do anything together anymore and I'm sure is ready to pull her hair out if she has to hear the words "benzo withdrawal" one more time lol. I have made an effort to go shopping and out with her more since I feel better, but we haven't done much for years as the benzo was an issue long before I ever started to taper, I just didn't know it was causing my poor health and exacerbating a chronic pain problem until recently.

 

It sounds like the scale is working for you. The funny thing is I'm afraid of using a scale and find using liquid a lot less complicated whereas others are completely opposite and find the scale easier lol.

 

I'm in the 50s club also. It seems there are a lot of us. We will definitely get off and make it to the other side and be able to feel and live and enjoy life again.  --V